insa

Void - Part 2

Characters: Johnny x y/n
Genre: Angst
Word Count: 1,464

part 1 Part 2 part 3

A/N:  I am so sorry for the delay, guys. But you all must know how hard school is. Anyway, I tried my best to come up with something which doesn’t disappoint any of you. You all looked forward to it so much, the last thing I could do was write something disappointing. Criticisms are most, most, most welcome. Please lemme know how you feel of it. 

And, while writing this I was listening to my UB’s beautiful song, I hope he brought out the best in me.

Love,
Admin Ayu ♥

“Y/n, I love you to the point I can’t function and process things properly when I think of you. You’re all I think about, and loving you has taught me to care about so many other things I never even found important. I love you so much it – it numbs me…” he sniffed by the end of the sentence, not being able to look you in the eyes, “If you give me one chance to make you happy, I swear to keep you the happiest, and never ever hurt you, ever. I love you, y/n” he took your hand in his large, trembling ones. His tears fell on the back of your hands, and you looked up at him, your senses filled with awe and admiration, and mostly love.

   “You fill the void in my heart with love and hope.”

   And, you had left everything for him. Your job, your home, your town, your family and friends; everything. All the sacrifices you had made back then didn’t feel so at all, since you were in love him. However, you were at a point in your life where you had already left behind so many things, that you could care less, very less.

  Shortly after he left you, you applied for a visa to Paris. You had always dreamed of settling down in the city which itself was the most beautiful embodiment of art and love in your eyes. However, you had never thought the time would come so fast, you had never thought that circumstances will force you to adapt to an environment you were planning to embrace when you were much older, in the arms of your just-as-old significant other.

  But you had to, all by yourself, leaving your 10-month-old baby at Johnny’s doorsteps. The fact that you had exhibited the vilest of all cowardice was a fact not left unknown to you. But you couldn’t process properly, couldn’t stop your head from dizzying furiously around your own little world whenever anything that could even merely indicate to him came around. Your little daughter was no less than a personification of the love you two once shared, or at the very least the love you had for him.

  So one bright morning, you gently placed your sleeping daughter at his doorstep, with only a letter and a bank account number from which he would receive some money every month for your daughter’s expense.

  And you left.

  Paris was a beautiful city, a wonderful place to live in. Your love for art had reincarnated, which was overshadowed by your love for him for what it felt like ages. It offered you with the love you thought that none but only living beings could offer. When you went to Paris where even walls screamed creativity and art, it seemed to you as if all the emotions ever felt in heavens and on earth were gathered in that one city, and you could finally belittle your own sorrow.

  Six years flew by and you turned thirty-five. You had managed to make new friends but no one gave you the feeling you had left behind, the love of a family. You wanted to see your daughter, who was to turn seven in two months. For her sake you had kept in touch with him through letters and he told you everything there was to know. You knew every little detail of her, and you were glad to know that his wife was fulfilling all her roles a mother usually does, quite willingly.

  She loves our daughter as her own, y/n. Only if you could get to see the bond they share, I’m sure you’d have asked for nothing more in life.

  Her eyes are just like yours, her smile and her frown are yours too. She is so beautiful, and when she says my name in answer to people’s inspection of her father, she sounds just like you.

  I realised something recently, her birthmark is also beneath her navel! She’s just a younger version of you, y/n.

  Somewhere in between the exchange of such mails you grew to love him more, and you detested that grow within you. The years you spent in Paris, you spent them expecting to fall in love with someone, but that never really happened. You couldn’t find anyone you could give your heart to the way you had surrendered it to Johnny, and the love you felt so greatly for him prior to your new life had influenced all other loves you could feel. None of them came to you as feverishly as your love for Johnny had. So, you never felt enough zeal or fortitude to infuse in the thriving quest to pursue any of them.

  However, his letters could also influence you to a good point, almost just as well as he himself used to. So after a month or two of your birthday, you took out a small luggage from the back of your cupboard, selecting the necessary commodities and clothes with caution for a week of stay. You were not planning to do much. Just meet some old friends, your old boss and colleagues, the loving neighbours you had when you were a Mrs. Suh, and take a look at your daughter from afar.

The fifteen-hour-journey had left you jetlagged, but your heart thumped hard against your chest as you took in the view of Seoul from your hotel room. You had a smile stretching your lips, though quite uncertain of how to label it. Because you couldn’t deny the glee, nor could you totally diminish the poignancy in your heart.

  Before you knew it the day of your departure had arrived. The flight was due an hour before midnight, so you had the day to yourself. As planned, you went to the park where your daughter played every Sunday.

  You were wearing a snapback, your hair tied up, a muffler wrapped around your neck covering the lower half of your face. You discreetly stood behind a tree, and it took you less than a minute to spot your daughter among the kids. ‘Oh lord…’ you thought to yourself, ‘She looks even more like me up close.’ The photos surely did a poor job to highlight the resemblance she held to you.

  You silently shed tears with a proud smile as you observed your daughter. She was a lively child with the brightest smile, her heart open to experimenting new things and welcoming new kids and befriending them. She bonded well with everyone around, and to your delight, everyone received her just as well. While taking the pleasure of seeing your daughter, you kept an eye out for Johnny and his wife, who were supposed to be at the nearby church.

  However, surprises come to you from where you least expect it.

  “I thought I’d never see you again.” You heard Johnny’s voice say from behind you, your shoulders jerking to the presence you didn’t wish for, “Welcome back to Seoul, y/n.”

  You wanted to turn around to see his face for once, up close. However, you couldn’t bring yourself to do so any longer. So you turned your head a little to the side, whispering an apology and a goodbye; before closing your eyes and running to the car your had borrowed, getting in it in a hurry and driving away.


You wiped your last tears as you sipped your third cup of coffee, rereading Johnny’s letter for the umpteenth time. A week after your return to Paris, you received his letter and took it to your favourite café by Seine River, Cojean Louvre.

Y/n, I won’t blame you for running away from me. I do realise it must have been hard for you to have found me when that is probably the last thing you wanted on your visit. It’s okay, don’t feel bad about having bailed on me so harshly. I just hope you find love, I really do. I hope someone fills the void in your heart with love and hope, too.

 

  “I just hope you find love, I really do.”
  “I hope someone fills the void in your heart with love and hope, too.

 

  His kindness was driving you to an extreme point of insanity, and the only way to return from it was to invest yourself in what you loved the most. In your head, you had already started putting colours together in a beautiful harmony, thinking of how to spill them on your white canvas later on. However, before your trail of thoughts could set a proper and aligned order to satisfy you, the man who was occupying the table behind yours spoke up in Korean;

  “Coffee is not very good for your health, why don’t you try some strawberry shake?”



P. S - Who do you think he was? ;)
         Lemme know~