innocent creatures

infamati--et--obliterati  asked:

Dean, Father

With John, Dean toed the line between obedience and servanthood, respect and worship. He was his father’s soldier in many respects of the word, and all of his faith was put in his fabricated image of John. This was why it was so difficult for Dean to see himself independently from this image. All of Dean’s methods, beliefs, and purpose were derived from years of hunting under the careful scrutiny of John Winchester. 

Even if Dean didn’t know this about himself, you did. You saw how he murdered innocent creatures in the name of safety. You saw how he pretended to be only interested in cars and music and chicks. You saw how he bottled up his emotions. You also saw how he spouted off pop culture references. You saw how he enjoyed cooking and taking care of Sam. You saw how he sang along to songs he shouldn’t know and got excited over bull rides and dressing in costume.

You saw the real Dean and you tried to get him to see that, too. But breaking his persona that was so carefully crafted over many decades was as impossible as killing a werewolf with a wooden stake. Or so you thought. 

Settling down with you was one of the best choices he could’ve made. Settled was a term used lightly, though. There was no picket fence or 9-5 job, but there was the two of you, partnered and in love, settled into a relationship with one another. And there was the family addition on its way. 

Dean was going to be a father, but he didn’t believe he’d do it right. He still saw himself as a copy of John: loving, but negligent. Obsessed with his job. Stuck on vengeance. Too rough to handle a baby. Too messed up to raise a child into anyone good. It wasn’t until you sat him down and talked to him straight, sparing no detail about who the true Dean Winchester was, that he began to consider himself differently. 

And it wasn’t until the hectic, unannounced coming of your child that he had fully changed his mind.

You sat in the passenger seat, breathing in and out with heavily, squeezing his hand when a contraction would kick in, a sheen of sweat developing on your forehead. Dean alternated between looking at the road and you, squeezing your hand as often as you squeezed his and gripping the steering wheel just as tight. It was in that moment that you looked over at him and asked the same question you’d asked for months.

“Dean, you think you’re ready to be a father now?”

For the first time, he appeared absolutely convinced as he answered you, the happiness in his eyes drowning out any doubt. “Couldn’t be more.”

RIP to Tilikum, who died after living a life in captivity. An innocent animal that was used for entertainment in a tiny pool, then isolated for killing one of the trainers (even though whales are not meant to be in captivity). He spent the rest of his remaining life alone. Rest in peace to this innocent creature who deserved to live his life in the sea, free, with the rest of his species.

  • Amanda: Oh please, you wouldn't hurt a fly!
  • Wednesday: You're right! Because a fly is an innocent creature that never knowingly did anything to anybody. You, however, I would maim.

it gets better
maybe not today
maybe not tomorrow
maybe not for a year
and slowly but surely
its gets better.
you get better.

sometimes it takes years
gradually healing the pain
sometimes its instantaneously
sometimes you don’t even notice
but i can promise you
it does get better

you lose the need for 3am showers
trying desperately to scrub away your skin
trying to burn away every fucking part of you he ever touched
you don’t self destruct as much as you used to
you finally rediscovered the beauty of life
and every innocent creature that inhabits this world

you don’t panic walking past strangers in the street anymore
or run for shelter when someone bangs the door
you don’t lie awake in bed all night because you’d rather spend the next day telling everyone you’re ‘tired’
rather than telling them the truth about the nightmares that kept you awake for days on end

you don’t need the razor blades as you once did
you’ve found a better way to cope now that doesn’t use your skin as an easel
you don’t feel the need to be sick in the bathroom after every meal anymore
you’ve learned to love yourself regardless of the number on the scales
it’s just a number anyways, right?

and slowly but surely, you got better
you learned to love yourself through the good days
and you’re still working on the bad days
but at least you’re still trying and you’ve finally learned the importance of self love
and finally the world seemed to agree with you for once

and you stood back to watch
you watched the seasons change from winter to spring again
you watched the lambs being born, just as you were reborn within yourself
and just like all the spring flowers, you blossomed again
this time with the promise of being there to watch many more seasons change

and you realised that it’s true
it wasn’t just a whispered rumour on the street;
it gets better
you got better