inner struggle


I’ve come to a fork in the road.
This has not been my first.
This is, by far, not the hardest,
Nor is it the worst.
And yet, here I stand,
And I’m addled and confused.
I’ve been through all this before,
And yet it all seems so new.
I feel one more thing,
One thing that sets this time apart
From all the others I’ve encountered
Going back to the start.
That thing is severity;
How fragile a decision is this.
I cannot afford a wrong choice.
I cannot simply dismiss.
Both roads are both easy,
And yet they both are hard.
But there is only one road
That will take me any bit far.
But I’ve been on a path of self destruction,
Following addiction as my guide.
It has a strong hold of my heart,
And controls me from the inside.
And though I’ve enjoyed it,
And all the pleasures it’s given.
I predict it will bring sorrow;
It will sentence me death or prison.
I’ve always been able to see that
But it’s never been this close.
And the farther I keep going,
The more I lose all hope.
I need to free myself
And start down a different path,
Before all I know and love
Will see me as part of the past.
I’m tired of this slavery.
The high is the only good thing about it.
And even that is starting to not be worth it.
But my fear is, what if I can’t live without it?


6 selfies of 2016

Tagged by these lovely and amazing people @jinglehong & @kwnhosh

Tagging these awesome people that i met this year (correct me if im wrong lmao) and some of my mutuals @wonnmoo @wonnhao @woanu @woozdum @hanwooz @junhue @jisoostar @17vernsol @amemericans @kueonhoshi @cinnamingyu @vernonchewy @lovendletter @superjunhui @17dad @yoonjunqhan @blondkwan @shwua @minghaon @kiminguy @princeuji @seventeenscarrot & anyone who wants to do it :)

i know it’s a bit too early to say this but Merry Christmas in advance to all of you :) ♥

Sometimes you get so used to the noise
To the chaos and the doing of things
That when the silence comes
You don’t know what to do with yourself.
You’re left
In this wasteland of quiet
Left to your thoughts
Left to your dreams
Left to your memories of how things ought to be.
You get so used to the warmth of another heart curled around yours
That when that security blanket is gone
You’re neither alone nor lonely
But some amalgamation of the two.
You breathe
You sigh
You whisper into the darkness
You stare unblinking into the light
And you shake at the silent judgement that comes in the stillness.
You become a statue
Sculpted from the fires of hell
Molded from days which words cannot do justice
Brought to bear by the ache rooted so deeply within you
It cannot be excavated with mere conjecture and a pretty turn of phrase.
You are trapped within this web of quietude
Deaf to all the world
Save the beat of a heart
The heart
Your heart
That throbs in the distance calling you home.

© Courtney Turley 2016

If Nuala and Cerridwen worked for me I would have them change my bedding every day, I love clean sheet day!

I don’t think I would want them dressing me (I think they help Feyre to bathe at some point when she is really tired or muddy or something too, which I would not let happen), but having perfect hair every day… Yaas!

I would also do all the cooking and baking, but none of the tidying up and own more delicate hand wash only clothes because it wouldn’t be me cleaning it all. :)

What luxuries would you have if Nuala and Cerridwen worked for you?

Kylo ren is definitely my favorite character in this new trilogy.
Behind the barbarism of his acts, and his terrifying appearance, when he drop the mask, facing himself, his inner struggle to switch off his feelings makes him a tortured character,
and that’s emotionally torturing because, of a hand you want to slap him, and caress him with the other.
His internal conflict between what he is doing and what he should do ,who he is and who he’s supposed to be ,makes him terribly human.

I made a chart to clear up inner conflict possibilities for you! Keep in mind that these are just a few options and ideas. You are absolutely not restricted to these particular conflict types, and you can even have your characters in situations that encompass more than just two conflicts if you really want to give them struggles. 

Inner concept as one of the Four Pillars (x)