inner struggle

The Great Glitter Dilemma
  • <p> <b><p></b> <b>Little me:</b> OHMERGAWD!! ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’–<p/><b>Big me:</b> Oh no… Glitter…<p/><b>Little Me:</b> I wanna sprinkle it on EVERYTHING! ๐Ÿ˜„<p/><b>Big me:</b> No! It’ll be a huge mess and I’ll have to clean it up.<p/><b>Little Me:</b> But it’ll be PRETTY!!! ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’– It’ll look like a unicorn came over to play!๐Ÿฆ„๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿฆ„๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿฆ„ *gasps* or a fairy princess!๐Ÿ‘‘๐Ÿ˜‡๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ‘‘๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ˜‡๐Ÿ‘‘<p/><b></b> ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’–๐ŸŽ‰*Glitter Everywhere*๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’–๐ŸŽ‰<p/><b>Big me:</b> …… ๐Ÿ˜ง *sigh*……. It is kinda pretty ๐Ÿ˜ถ<p/></p><p/></p>
After meditating for some years, I began to see the patterns of my own behavior. As you quiet your mind, you begin to see the nature of your own resistance more clearly, struggles, inner dialogues, the way in which you procrastinate and develop passive resistance against life. As you cultivate the witness, things change. You donโ€™t have to change them. Things just change.
—  Ram Dass

Her body is
a monument to the life she has lived,
a testament to the love she had to give.
Her flesh encapsulating
the finely ground stardust
that remains from a moonstruck soul
and glowing heart too big for the night sky.

So she aches
where there is no space for noise
no neon signs in her eyes
to give testimony to the words
inked deep beneath her skin.

She wonders,
Does the needle threading through the eye of her storm
attempt to pull together a lifetime of chaos only being held in place
by the centrifugal force of the never-ending maelstrom inside her soul?

She has offered herself as an altar
for all those searching for a place to call home;
Inscribed bloody pleas on the walls of her ribcage
as she fought to breathe long enough to be free.

There was never a time when she owned herself;
Instead renting space in her own head
while the demons danced and played
along the hollowed purse strings of her heart.
Bought and paid for by the pleasure she found in Love’s delights.
Cursed with knowing the carnal moorings fascinating even as they anchor her
Deep under the weight of all her sins.

Atonement cannot be found without a price;
And she is paying now,
with a string of cold and endless nights.

© Courtney Turley 2017

MY JIKOOK TIMELINE SERIES pt.1

So I can see many people are interested in my analysis of Jikook relationship. Since I have been fan from 2014 and also have been shipping Jikook from that time I will focus it mainly on my opinion about their relantionship from that year. I am also gonna put here my theory about their relationship from the time before I became a fan but it is not going to be as detailed. I think this is going to be really tiring post to read so I decided to split it into several parts because I have a lot to say. ( I might make this as series and talk about all the moments and future moments in the future)

DISCLAIMER: This post is supposed to be just for fun and shipping of Jikook. I am not claiming this is truth and I am not forcing anyone to believe this. These are just my observations throughout the years I have been into BTS and the time I have been into shipping jikook. I don’t want to cause any types of fanwars or stupid “shipwars” by this post and I don’t want other people to use this content for these kind of purposes. Also I am opened to hear about your other opinions. Just if you don’t like my opinion don’t be later on rude in my asks or something. As I said I am opened to listen but I AM NOT GONNA TOLERATE HATE OR PEOPLE BEING RUDE TO ME JUST BECAUSE I HAD FUN WITH THIS.

SO when everything is clear now let’s begin.

Pre-debut years + 2013

I have not much to say to this period of time. But from my observations I got Jikook was totally hyung/dongsaeng relationship. In my opinion Jungkook might have feel something more than just appreciation towards his hyung. You know when you are at that age and you have not much idea what is just adoring someone friendly and what are actually real feelings toward someone. I think Jungkook was really confused at that time because he was realizing that something might be going on but also the social stigma and sudden exposition to cameras and publicity were holding him back to sit down and think about it. From Jimin’s point of view Jungkook was his cute dongsaeng that reminded him of his younger brother. I think him missing his home and sudden change of environment resulted in Jimin really caring for Jungkookie naturally thanks to his personality and attitude towards Bangtan.

Late 2013+early 2014

In my opinion this was the period when Jungkook started to get really confused. He knew he cares for his hyung and he knew he likes him a lot. But I think that he had to feel something more from the beginning and that’s what was confusing him. Even though I think he was confused I still think he wasn’t putting too much mind into it. I think Jimin was just his favourite hyung at that time. This was also the period of so called “clingy Jimin” and “refusing maknae”. In my opinion Jungkook have never despised or hated Jimin. There is just no way of that happening in Bangtan and I think it is really stupid to even joke about it or bringing it up. Jungkook was just simple pubescent boy. The person he liked he teased.He knew how Jimin gets annoyed when people ignore him or how self-conscious he was about his height.

 Also a huge aspect in this played that Jungkook maybe showed his affection towards Jimin behind cameras but it was really hard for him to express himself in front of them. I think the whole jikook bickering might have started by one moment where Jungkook felt uncomfortable to express himself and showing skinship. But maknae acting that way towards his hyung was really hilarious and that’s why it continued. We also know that Jungkook always looks up to his hyungs and when they were teasing Jimin he probably thought it was also OK for him to tease Jimin. From Jimin’s point of view I think it was still the same as before. I don’t think feelings played role in his relationship with Jungkook from the beginning and I would dare to even say he was being kinda obvious to Jungkook for a really long time. To be honest I still like this period of their relationship even though many jikook shippers are trying to forget about it.  You ask me why? The reason is that I found really entertaining to watch fetus Jungkook trying to get attention of his hyung but also trying to act like he is his own boss and that he doesn’t need his hyung at all.  I also could kinda see his inner struggle most of the time. Or on the other hand when he was doing a lot of skinship unconsciously. 

What I also really like about this period was that Jungkook even though he acted like he didn’t care he still found a moments how to show he his appreciation for his hyung. Do you remember the moment during AHL when  Jimin was really pissed at that kid and Jungkook showed total concern with his hyung. That he understands how things like THESE piss Jimin off. This shows how close Jikook have been even though they used to play that “cat and mouse game”.(also shows that Jungkook wasn’t being disrespectful towards Jimin at all) Jungkook joking towards Jimin was ok even though he is younger but some young-blooded kid scolding Jimin was no way go. 

HONORABLE MENTIONS OF JIKOOK MOMENTS FROM THAT TIME:

NEXT PART IS GOING TO BE HOPEFULLY HELLA INTENSE AND CONFUSING BECAUSE I AM GETTING TO JIKOOK RELANTIONSHIP TIME WHEN ALL THE SHIT WENT DOWN LOL….

Upcoming 2017 Retrogrades

Mercury enters retrograde again soon – but so do saturn & pluto. Like all retrogrades, this is a time to reconsider, re-evaluate and rethink things on a deeper level, giving us a period of introspection.

Pluto enters rx in capricorn - capricorn rules authority, law, etc. pluto is transformation and regeneration.
Saturn enters rx in sagittarius - sagittarius rules foreign affairs/lands, higher knowledge & education. saturn is karma, structure, responsibility.

Saturn rx: going back and re-evaluating commitments made, our boundaries, projects started/our responsibilities, past negotiations. it’s also important we don’t begin new projects during this time & we only focus on the ones from the past. we must re-evaluate our choices.

Pluto rx: reflective period for themes of power & control. take a step back & think of who/what is controlling you, and why. inner problems and power struggles may arise during this period as people are reaching deeper, & pluto brings the (sometimes) unwanted to the surface.

during this pluto rx, pluto will be square jupiter (also in rx). there can be a desire to take short cuts to get your way, or excessive pride, overestimating yourself & resources may be a reoccurring theme during this time.

Luckily, saturn will be making a trine to uranus during this time; good time & opportunity to make structure and stability out of left over chaos and rebellion. Jupiter rules religion and belief systems; religious conflicts may be more prominent during this time. we cannot be single minded.

These are all important things to note when looking at our current U.S. government situation, I’m anticipating what will happen during this time