We are not obligated to want each other forever. When I ask you to be with me, I’m not pulling you into a promise you’re not ready to make, I’m just asking you to be with me. Be here. Take up space. Don’t let time swallow empty seconds– make this worthwhile. It’s foolish to believe that every person you cave for is meant to stay. But that doesn’t make wanting them any less important. Maybe we’re not meant to be, maybe a lifetime is too long, maybe we’ll only last during the calm before the storm. And that’s okay. If life was an exchange of hearts, I’d gladly take yours for a while. It is worth it to know that there was at least a time when we were enough for each other.
They say the only way for things to hurt you is if you give it the power to.
You come into my head all on your own.
My heart aches for you while I sleep.
Your laugh echoes in my head when I think.
I’m powerless to your memory.
i think the most messed up part about it all is how you still linger even though you left. i’m beginning to find myself unable to even talk to new people without stopping and remembering that they’re not you. like the laughter dies and bubbles deep in my stomach, my tongue curls back and i retreat, closed mouth, eyes lowered. and i know that confuses people when i suddenly become distant, but, yeah, i still can’t enjoy myself or others anymore and dive into new friendships because i know i will never reach that same level of intimacy that i did with you. and that’s partly because there’s no one in the world that’s going to take your place, and that’s partly because you took advantage of my trust and generosity and now i can’t ever pour my entirety into any relationship anymore for fear it’ll be too much for them like it was too much for you. too much and too ugly. you said it would be better if you would leave, so why are you still here in everything i do?
god, you said this would be the last time i’d hear from you, but i should have known that you wouldn’t suddenly stop lying now