clingy and annoying doesn’t bother me when it’s from the right person, i literally do not mind if my boyfriend sends me a picture of a car he likes at 3am even if I’m not really into cars, his first thought was ‘i know imma send that to my girlfriend’ and yes i love that shit
i have so many questions i want to ask you but just don’t know how. and because i know for a fact that my voice would break and tears would start streaming down my face if i were to ask you in person, i am writing you this letter. furthermore, i don’t think that you would even listen to me. these days you seem to be ignoring me as if i’m your worst enemy.
how? that would be my first question.
how was it so easy for you to go? to just leave me and not even look back.
why would you leave and why would you leave like that? no explanation. no real goodbye. nothing.
was it even real? what we had, i mean. was it? because i’ve been dreaming so much about you lately that it seems like i can’t tell what’s real and what’s not anymore.
love, i wish you didn’t shatter my heart. i wish you didn’t make all these promises just to break them. i wish that you could have been honest with me from the beginning. honest about your intentions and your feelings for me.
the last time we were standing in front of each other, looking into your brown eyes made my knees go weak and my heart beat faster. how can someone feel so much and the other just not? i guess i’ll never know because i tend to give people all of me. always. with you it was no different. i gave you all of me, made you my favourite person in this shitty world and hoped that i would be your favourite too.
but this is farewell, my love. i hope that a part of you never forgets me. no matter how important i really was to you. i hope that wherever life takes you, it takes you someplace happy. you deserve it, i’m sure of that.
I just want you to know I’ve realized things. I loved you. Really loved you. But you can’t keep doing the same thing over and over until you hurt me, even if you don’t mean to. And I’m tired. I’m tired of having to forgive you all the time. I hope you learn from this. You can’t just love someone and leave them hanging. You need to prioritize them, love them, give them time. You did those, but they didn’t last. It turned out all that was left of you was a shadow. I was loving a shadow of a man I used to know.
I know that in the end I’ll probably just be a page, or maybe even a chapter in your book. Even if that’s the case, I hope I’ll be one you go back and read often. And as you run your fingers over our words,
I hope you smile.
I know, you think my generation doesn’t give two fucks about anyone else but themselves. but honestly why should we. everyone we loved left us for someone better, someone with longer legs or bigger bank balances. everyone we respected disappointed us by weaving us in a myriad of lies. everyone we idolised betrayed us. in a generation where everyone is letting everyone down, everyone is too stressed or too anxious, do you except us to care about other people. do you expect us to protect people from drowning when we dont even know how to swim. do you expect us to save lives when we want to end our own. do you expect us to love when our own hearts have been shattered into pieces. do you actually except us to give fucks about anyone but ourselves.
i know that i’m still young. he isn’t my first love nor will he be my last. but it still hurts, you know? when you give someone all of you, share your secrets and dreams with them, and pour your heart out to them. there is no going back. i can’t just undo things. i can’t just take back everything i’ve ever said and felt. i can’t just make them disappear and delete them from my memory. that’s not how it works. a part of them will always be in my heart. i wish i could kill that part, but i can’t kill it anymore without killing myself a little too.
What if I see you again?
Will I turn the other way?
Or will I stop in front of you,
and ask how you got away?
What if I end up striding right past you,
acting like strangers who didn’t know each others pasts or days?
But what if I never even get the chance to think about doing any of that?
What if I never see you again?
Will I still spend every moment thinking of you?
Or will I end up forgetting about what we had, and start fresh with someone new?
If people will be named after colors, I’ll call you purple. The kind of purple that melts in the sky when the sun is about to set and take a rest for awhile. The type of purple that makes my heart jumps a little and lits up the excitement in my eyes.
If people will be named after flowers, you’ll be my rose, no matter how painful your thorns. I’ll embrace you with my arms open wide and cage you in a warm tight hug. Even if it makes me bleed red that’ll surely tear my heart apart.
If people will be named after seasons, I’ll choose Summer among all of those four. You’ll be the sun that kisses my skin, and made my day goes lighter along the way. You’ll make me love the ocean more, and dance to groovy songs. You are the season which will never get tired of warming my heart when Winter tried to cool it with its cold breeze and snowy hands.
If people will be named after places, I’ll call you home. Not Paris, nor New York. You are the place that will always make my heart aches when I’m away—because I’ll surely miss you the moment we took our separate ways. You are the shelter that protects my heart, the one I will always run to no matter what I’m feeling. Happy, angry, sad, jolly, grateful or in love. Because you always understand and know the real me. You’ve seen me— on my ups and downs, and still accepts me— for who I am. I’ll name you after a place that doesn’t have a fancy name, yet will always be the one that will tell me that it’s okay to feel. That it’s okay to be me.
You will always remain in my heart no matter where I go.
And because people have identities, and so are things.