ink for life

There are days when I forget that you existed in my life. There are days when I am vulnerably at peace with myself. And then there are days when I remember how you ripped my fucking heart out. And how I will never be the same again. At least not the same person who will fall in love with anyone so very deeply ever again.
—  Juansen Dizon
I have learned pain
is the heart swelling with fuel
to push out of bed or
to smile at a stranger,
to forgive or lend a hand,
and it will fill up your chest
like a balloon ready to burst
so take a deep breath and let go
because only the love you spread
will help the pain end.
—  Shelby Leigh
My soul has always been his. I could go around the world and search for another lover but my heart is always yearning for him, and no one else. He’s the battlefield; and I own all the weapons.
—  n.c.d - Aladea
I am moving forward
with each sunrise-move
and with this fresh dawn
I have nothing to prove
—  Tina Jaxén // Little glimpses of hope 
It’s hard to walk, or like getting up from your bed. It’s not taking your breakfast seriously., not finishing a meal to be exact. You don’t want to do anything. You laugh at jokes where the girl dies in a movie or whatever. Having more bonding time with your earphones than your friends. Locking your room so no one will come inside. Become a fan of books, hoarding it. You have friends yet you feel so alone. Being in the computer the whole day trying to be somebody else. Doing different kind of things just so others won’t notice. That’s me, right now.
—  my definition of sadness // Jin

While I Wait In the Heavens
 
Loved one,
If you were wondering,
Heaven is treating me well,
The gatekeepers let me visit you whenever I please,
And more than often, I please,
So when I am on Earth, the chances are,
That I am deep within your broken heart,
Listening to it tick slightly faster than the seconds on a clock,
And it is my favorite thing about you,
That blood pumping muscle
    That drum roll to your death
        That timer timing the time till you get to see me again,
I listen closely,
I listen anxiously,
I admit that I hope for it to stop beating,
I ask God for the favor–almost,
But instead, I wait,
Your time will come when the time comes,
And when it does,
I will be waiting for you by the gold glowing gates.
 
Alive you are still,
So while I wait,
I watch from the clouds,
I watch you dusting off my old pictures,
And I thank you,
Because when you do,
I can feel it from heaven, your hands brushing across me–like the wind,
                                                                    Gently,
                                                            To no rhythm,
                                                 And without permission,
And they give me the slightest tickle, those rough hands.
 
Alive you are still,
So while I wait,
I listen from the clouds,
I listen to you cry
Your voice cracking in every line,
And in every break in between,
I can feel it from heaven, the sadness in your voice that you try to conceal–like a gun,
                                                                    That is always hidden,
                                                                          But within reach,
                                                                        And hard to ignore,
And it gives me the chills, that fragile voice.
 
Alive you are still,
So while I wait,
I smell from the clouds,
I smell you cooking my favorite muffins,
They smell burnt, because you know so little about cooking,
And you tried your best,
I can feel it from heaven, your effort to reel me in–like a fish,
                                                       With bait,
                                          A sample of the pie,
                           And a harsh pull at the fishing line,
And it makes me hungry, that banana nut smelling effort.
 
Loved one,
If you were wondering,
I am in a better place now, not dead,
If anything,
I feel more alive than I have ever felt before,
And that body they buried,
I hope it was not your favorite thing about me,
That vessel for my soul
    That flesh of sinful desires
        That masterpiece from God that ages and gives out eventually,
That body sits in the belly of maggots now,
But I am not dead,
I am only in a different place that I happen to catch an early ticket to,
Some day you will catch your ride too,
And I will be waiting for your hands, voice, and effort,
But most of all,
I will be waiting for you.
 
- By Abrahan Garcia (via Words Have Feelings Too)

As much as you want to believe it, we don’t share the same feelings. You make excuses for the hatred you throw my way and expect me to accept it. Because in the end you think love will make everything alright again and quiet the scars from speaking for themselves.
—  S.E. Marmont

835/365

Pablo Neruda // “You start dying slowly if you do not travel, if you do not read, if you do not listen to the sounds of life… You start dying slowly if you become a slave of your habits, walking everyday on the same paths… You start dying slowly if you avoid to feel passion and their turbulent emotions; those which make your eyes glisten and your heart beat fast. You start dying slowly…if you do not allow yourself, at least once in your lifetime, to run away from sensible advice…”

You once told me you climbed trees to be above it all
That your problems couldn’t reach you
When you’re intertwined in the branches
What is it like to touch the sky?
And I’ve always been kind of different
Tucked myself into corners
Like it would be enough to hide
And you reach down for me
But I’ve always been afraid of heights
I tried to fix you, but you did not want to be fixed.
—  Excerpts from a story I’ll never write.
make love to me with your words. touch my skin with the way you speculate, get me high on the way you speak, how your lips curl into all the sweet things you say. get me off on your conversation, how you get me to laugh, how you dry out my tear stains and make constellations in my mouth.
—  how to love me ( @prolixen
I’m one of those people that can’t let go. If I’ve had fun with you once, I will text you on your birthday for at least the next five years. If we were friends in elementary school and haven’t talked since, I guarantee I still know your mom’s name and your favorite food. My crushes never go away, they just fade. I still tell stories about great times with people I haven’t seen in years. If you turn down my offer to get drinks and catch up ten times, I promise I will still ask an 11th time. If we fight and you block me, I will find a way to check in on you anyway to make sure you’re okay. So if I give up on you, just know that you damn well deserved it.