ingenues through and through

so i told one of the besties about neko atsume and he downloaded it immediately and we were sending each other screen shots of stuff etc etc

and then i noticed…he was buying really pricey shit…and rare cats were showing up in his backyard left and right...he got the yard expansion

i was lowkey (HIGHKEY) pissed. like–how was he getting all these fish? i’d see his cat cafe and his scratching log and his kotatsu and i. was so. aggravated. i thought there was a good possibility that he’d actually bought his gold fish with money, but i also thought maybe i just sucked at this game.

so please picture me stomping around my local Target, making disgusted faces at my phone, ranting at my other friend in the clearance section, “there’s no way…there’s no way he didn’t fucking buy his gold fish...there’s no way...”

and she was like, “…why don’t you just ask him?”

BECAUSE YOU CAN’T JUST ASK SOMEONE IF THEY BUY THEIR GOLD FISH like that’s just not an acceptable thing to do. my parents raised me better than that.

but she’s a goddamn barbarian so when we’re all in the car a few days later and she straight up just asks him if he bought his fish. 

and there was a pause from the backseat.

and then, “listen. listen. i had a $50 iTunes giftcard, and—”

the chorus to “vindicated” by dashboard confessional started playing 

now literally no matter what he says—like he said he wanted to bake brownies last night—my only response is to go, “you bought your fish. you bought your gold fish. i’m over here, a hard working single mother, trying to provide for my cats with my hard earned gray fish. and YOU, donald trump, are using your fucking money to buy them off.”

and he gets so mad omfg