inflatable horn


Valentine’s Day Tips From a Tragopan

Trying to catch the eye of that special someone? Then you need these moves, custom-evolved to win them over fast. 

First, get your crush’s attention by pecking around on the ground. This will make them curious. But then, immediately hide behind a log. You’re putting on a show here—you don’t want to give everything away!

Next, inflate your rubbery blue horns and unfurl your flappy bib. Bob up and down a bunch of times to make sure that they’re fully deployed. You need to look your best!

Then start with the frenetic clicking. This will signal to your love interest that you’re ready to take things further. (Honest communication is the key to any successful romantic pursuit.)

When you feel ready, rear up and rush forward, displaying yourself in all your naked glory to the object of your affection. Remember: You are confident. You are fabulous. You have inflatable rubbery horns. You’ve got this.

If it doesn’t work the first time, try again. Try flapping harder. Click some more. You’ll have a valentine in no time, guaranteed.

That beautiful moment when you finally get your derpy cat to wear the inflatable unicorn horn you got her and then have her take a cat selfie. Is it sad that this is legit #goals for me right now?