inflatable costume

Astro as things kids in my law class have said

MJ- “Is this desk too tall or am I too short?”

Jinjin- “Why am I even in this class. I didn’t sign up for it BUT HERE I AM ANYWAY.”

Eunwoo- “WHY DO SERIAL KILLERS EXIST!?”

Moonbin- “Am I allowed to throw chairs at people?”

Rocky- “My entire existence is a lie.”

Sanha- *Shows up in inflatable trex costume* “I have arrived”

Today was my first Thanksgiving with my mom’s side of the family and I honestly don’t know what I was expecting so here are some highlights:

- The crazy old lady next door ran outside screaming about pot smoking and one of her guests had to call the police

- My mother tried to solicit a random man off the street to come remove a dead mouse from our basement; My cousin eventually agreed to do it for us out of pity, and this enraged my grandmother who referred to us as “wimps” for the rest of the night.

- My aunt went into detail about the mummified squirrels they’ve been finding in their backyard, offered to go get one to show us.

- A turkey-vulture tried to abduct my six year old cousin

- One cousin showed up in an inflatable T-Rex costume, told us of his plans to go to the Jurassic Park exhibit at the museum while wearing it

- We were all almost too full for dinner because we fucking gorged ourselves on wine and cheese in a pathetic attempt to feel like classy people for once in our damn lives

- One relative decided they were mad at the Eagles and cheered for the Cowboys all night when that game was on; Tensions were high.

- My Grandmom, unprovoked, told us “I was nineteen when I first killed an animal. Baby on my hip, broom in my hand, screaming at the top of my lungs in my apartment. And I was in Georgia!”

- My uncle briefly pulled up his pant leg to scratch his leg, and his wife looked at him in horror and asked “Why are you wearing my pantyhose?” to which he looked equally horrified and said “I have no fucking idea.”

- My uncle accidentally revealed that the two pies he brought were from his drug dealer. He said he got looks when people saw him go into an alley and come out holding desserts.

- My uncle, upset about loosing money from Kanye’s canceled shows, accidentally opened up a debate about Yeezy; Luckily, we at least all agreed that his earlier music is superior to his newer stuff.

- My favorite baby cousin is now a foot and a half taller than me and his voice has changed; Upon realizing this, I literally collapsed out of my chair.

- My aunt told a riveting tale from the 80′s that involved my then teenage uncle in daisy dukes, a wet and soapy car, and the previously mentioned crazy old lady next door checking him out.

- When we were going around saying what we were thankful for, my cousin deadpanned “Our new overlord Trump” and then chugged his wine before saying “God save us”.

- Way too many stories about mice terrorizing our family where exchanged.

- My aunt told the exploding rabbit story for roughly the millionth time.

- Someone checked facebook and noted my cousin Jesse saw Hamilton last night and threw it out there. My mom, across the room, yelled “WHAT THE FUCK THAT BASTARD!” in response. My mom really wants to see Hamilton and feels personally betrayed by everyone she knows who goes without her.

- My 13 year old cousin Jenna communicated with the family solely through eye rolls and scoffs the entire night, before locking herself in her room for three hours under the guise of brushing her teeth.

- My 70 years young uncle has acquired a leather jacket; Please send prayers and condolences.

- My one uncle was very excited to get to carve the turkey; his excitement died when my aunt and grandmother stood behind him the entire time telling him how to do it. At one point I heard him whisper “I’m 43″ in a defeated tone.

- My 11 year old cousin who was wearing shorts threw his leg up onto the table in front of me and said “Wanna feel?”

- We successfully managed to avoid bringing up politics all night, until after dessert when we somehow managed to get in a huge debate about the Hamilton cast’s message to Mike Pence.

- By “huge debate”, I mean my three screaming aunts versus me and my exasperated cousin Abbey. My mom halfheartedly tried to defend us but apparently we don’t know what we’re talking about because we’re “too young” (we’re adults and she has her own business). My cousin Griffin clearly sided with us but decided to make trolling joke comments instead of actually getting involved, which lead to his mother (the Main Screaming Aunt) threatening to not buy him anything for Christmas, to which his only response was “I’m thirty.”

- “I’m gonna make love to this stuffing”

- My one cousin never showed up so we took the opportunity to yell about her awful decisions when it comes to dating.

- We all got bitter upon discovering my great grandmother’s ex-husband literally invented the machine that slices bread but didn’t get a patent so he never got any money for it.

- One cousin started playing the song “Christmas Shoes” on her phone and my mom locked her out of the house.

- An intense debate about whether or not Legally Blonde the musical is better than Legally Blonde the movie. Despite having never seen the musical, my grandmother will not be swayed. Got very mad when I started singing “Bend and Snap”.

- It was discovered that literally every woman in my family wants to hook up with Christian Borle.

- My one aunt kept getting the times wildly wrong- at 4:45 she yelled “Why aren’t we eating! It’s almost 7!” and just kept getting higher and higher from there. Around 6:30 she said it was almost 11 so we told her it was past her bedtime.

- My uncle got upset that the dessert I brought went fast and almost no one touched his drug dealer pies.

- My mom left without me and it took her entirely too long to notice.

Happy Thanksgiving, guys. 😂

anonymous asked:

You have a job..buy your own stuff

LOL GO AWAY LET ME HAVE FUN YOU’RE JUST JEALOUS BC NOBODIES GONNA BUY U A TOASTER OR AN INFLATABLE DINOSAUR COSTUME GTFO

i wish i had one of those giant inflatable dick costumes so i could wear it and put bros hat and shades on and act like nothing changed on april fools day