inflammation of muscles


I’ve decided to do a large series of herbal histories and medicinal/magical uses! Checkout my Tarragon and Basil posts as well and stay tuned! “Chamomile” comes from Greek meaning “ground apple” because of its fragrance. The Romans used it as incense, and the ancient Egyptians used it for cooling fevers; they dedicated it to the sun god, Ra. To the Anglo Saxons, it was one of the nine sacred herbs.

Chamomile prefers sandy, slightly acidic soil as well as direct sunlight, but if it gets too hot too often, it prefers shade. To harvest, cut the flower heads as they form and hang or leave on cloth to dry. In tea, dry chamomile goes a longer way than fresh chamomile.

MEDICINAL:  *Chamomile may cause allergic reactions in those allergic to ragweed. Do not use if you are on blood thinners, as some constituents may have an anticoagulant action*

Chamomile tea:

2 tsp Chamomile flowers in one mug of boiling water. Cover and steep five minutes. It tastes bitter, so honey, sugar, and milk can be added to improve taste.

Chamomile tea soothes the mind and body to prepare for sleep. It is safe for use with children and helps with teething stress and colic; to soothe a fretful baby, place them in a warm bath/infusion of chamomile (caution: babies are very sensitive to skin irritation, so make sure that the child isn’t allergic beforehand). For anxiety, insomnia, and nervousness, drink before bedtime (can be mixed with milk and honey). Infuse chamomile flowers in warm milk for a skin cleanser that fights acne and moisturizes. Use once a week, and within a week of making.

Chamomile is an antispasmodic and a muscle relaxer; it is good for reducing inflammation and muscle spasms. It is especially useful with menstrual cramps (drink two to three cups daily). When used topically, it can speed the healing of cuts, scrapes, blisters, and burns; it is also helpful with rashes, eczema, and inflammation of the skin. To treat, add it to a salve, rinse the affected area with tea, or add a few drops of essential oil to bath water. FOR BURNS: Do not use ointment/essential oil. Use a light lotion or gentle compress; oils hold in body heat and don’t let the burns heal, and the strength of the essential oil may irritate the burn. Eye inflammations can be soothed with a cool compress or a soaked chamomile tea bag.

It aids in digestion, soothes the bowels, aids with morning sickness, and relieves restlessness associated with pregnancy. To help with any of the above, drink a cup of tea on an empty stomach first thing in the morning, hot or cold.

If another plant of any kind is weak or ailing, place a chamomile plant near it to help it thrive; it can also be watered with an infusion of chamomile.


Chamomile is used in spells of money, peace, love, tranquility, and purification. It is a good protection herb; to keep unwanted entities or energies from passing through, use an infusion to wash thresholds (doors and windows). Sprinkle the powdered flowers around you or your home to remove spells cast against you and prevent fires/lightning. Use it in a ritual bath before performing protective spells. A bath can also increase your attractiveness to the opposite sex, or be used to release grief, pain, anger, or loss. Washing hands with chamomile water before betting/gambling will improve luck. Add in sachets for luck and money or tuck some into a wallet to increase cash flow. Place chamomile flowers near a weak or sick person to ease the sickness. Use in meditation incense. In a banishing ritual, sprinkle an infusion of chamomile around you and wash up with the cold tea to keep negativity away from you. In candle magic: anoint a green candle with the tea or oil for good luck and money, and anoint a black candle for banishment or exorcism.

Other names: Ground apple, Whig plant, Maythen

Gender: Masculine

Element: Water

Deities: Cernunnos, Ra, Helios, Jupiter, Lugh

Zodiac: Leo

Helps to cleanse and invigorate the throat chakra (5th).

Chamaemilum mobile

Roman chamomile, perennial, about 4 to 12 inches tall, daisy-like flowers with turned down petals, has an apple-like fragrance. Usually used in Britain/UK.

Matricaria recutita

German chamomile, annual, up to 20 inches tall, daisy-like flowers. Usually used in the USA.

Both can be used the same and both work well.

Exploring Degenerative Diseases

Guillain Barre Syndrome

Guillain Barre Syndrome is a serious autoimmune condition affecting the peripheral nervous system. It occurs when the immune system attacks the nervous system, causing inflammation of the nerves. This results in numbness of the upper and lower limb and can also affect respiratory muscles.

Symptoms can affect both sides of the body and include:

  • Pain, tingling and numbness
  • Muscle weakness
  • Co-ordination problems / balance issues

As the condition progresses, muscle weakness can lead to:

  • Temporary paralysis of the legs, arms and face
  • Temporary paralysis of the respiratory muscles
  • Vision loss
  • Reduced ability to speak, swallow or chew
  • Reduced bladder and bowel control

Physiotherapy plays a vital role in Guillain Barre Syndrome in order to restore range of movement and function. Therapists focus on relieving pain and muscle stiffness through:

  • Movement and exercise
  • Manual therapy
  • Hydrotherapy / Aquatic therapy
  • Heat / cold therapy

A rather unexpected difference between (cis) men and women came to my attention recently: knowledge about common painkillers.

Last week I was at my boyfriend’s apartment when the need for painkillers arose. I don’t remember exactly why, probably the weather triggering a migraine, but anyway I didn’t have any with me and asked my boyfriend what he had. The following is my approximation of the conversation that followed between me, a 25-year-old woman, and my boyfriend, a 25-year-old man:

Bf: (looking through his medicine cabinet) Ummm, I’ve got Advil and ibuprofen.

Me: Tylenol would be better but that’s fine. Give me either, they’re the same thing.

Bf: I know they’re both NSAIDs but I think they might be a little differ—

Me: No, they’re literally the same thing, one is just the brand name. (Holding out hand at this point for the pill bottle.)

At this point my boyfriend takes one of the bottles down and starts reading the dosage instructions.

Bf: I’m checking to see how many you can take.

Me: Two. (still holding out hand)

Bf: Well it says you’re supposed to take one, but you can take two if—

Me: You can take two. It’s fine. (My head is really starting to hurt so I pretty much straight up grab the pill bottle out of his hand.)  

Bf: Are you sure—

Me: Darling, I’m a girl. I have been regularly taking painkillers once a month since I was 12. I know how the dosage works.

Even as I was taking the pills my sweet boy was still reading over the dosage and safety information. And it occurred to me that he has never had to use painkillers enough to know that sometimes you can just skip straight to two, instead of taking one and then taking another later if the first doesn’t help.

Looking further back, I shouldn’t be surprised. In my senior year of high school we had a semester long health class that was taught by a P.E. teacher who, looking back, was probably younger than I am now. He was a woefully adequate example of the old joke “Those who can’t do, teach. And those who can’t teach, teach gym.”  He did the best he could with that class, and teaching in general, and a couple years later left teaching to go to seminary. One day in this class we were talking about different types of painkillers and what each kind is best for.

Teacher: So things like acetaminophen (Tylenol), are good for things like headache or backache, whereas things like advil, aleve (ibuprofen, naproxen sodium) are good for pain related to inflammation or muscle pain, so muscle cramps.

At this point I helpfully pointed out in case any were unaware that while you could take Tylenol and advil together, you couldn’t take two different NSAIDs at the same time. So you could mix tylenol and advil, but not advil and aleve.

The teacher then gave me a confused look, and asked why anyone would want to mix them in the first place. “You just take Tylenol if you have a backache and Advil if you have stomach cramps.”

He said this to a classroom full of 17-18 year old girls. No one else in the room required an explanation as to why someone might want to take a painkiller that was good for backache at the same time as a painkiller that was good for muscle cramps.

I was unable to respond. I was too dumbfounded by the realization that this grown man inhabited a world where it had never occurred to him that anyone might have need to take painkillers that specialized in two different types of pain at once. The idea that someone might need to treat backache and muscle cramps at the same time, with enough urgency to start mixing painkillers, was a foreign concept to him.

It occurs to me that most men I know who are young enough not to have developed old-people pains (joint pain, arthritis, all that jazz) have to read dosage instructions, they have to ask or check how often they can take a painkiller. How many hours until another one of these?

Most women I know are a little more knowledgeable about painkillers. I can tell you how many hours between Tylenol doses, how many between Advil, how many between Aleve. When to go for Excedrin or aspirin.  What you can take at the same time. Why?


All about ginger!!!

•Relieves allergy symptoms
•Stimulates circulatory system
•Great for gas, bloating and colic
•Irritable Bowel Syndrome
•Fights colds and wards off chills
•Eases menstrual cramps
•Works as an expectorant to break up phlegm
•Eases sore throats
•Great for motion sickness
•Also for morning sickness
•May relieve pain and inflammation from arthritis
•Eases sore muscles

I like to take ginger tincture with 2-4oz of water as a quick remedy. If I have more time, I’ll brew tea with ginger root (and typically some additional herbs since ginger tastes STRONG).

⚠️warning: If you have an acute inflammatory disease talk to your doctor before using ginger therapeutically.
Ginger is also a natural blood thinner.
Always consult your doctor before taking herbal remedies if you are taking prescription medication.

anonymous asked:

hi, when you get a lot of pain from working out is it usually best to shower with cold or warm water? i've just started at the gym and literally everything hurts ;-; (also sorry if maybe this was asked by someone else before and i didnt find the ask)

It kinda depends on what kinda of pain it is? If it’s muscle pain you could do a cold shower to alleviate any inflammation in your muscles and then switch to a hot shower to improve blood flow? If your feeling very sore I’d recommend rolling out your muscles with a foam roller to squeeze out any lactic acid, also googling ‘post workout recovery’ to learn more

Herb of the Week-Cacti

All cactus plants aren’t edible. The two main cactus species that are medically useful and suitable for human consumption are:The Prickly Pear or OpuntiaA tangled mass of vibrant green, spiky paddles protruding from a stem and attractive red, orange or yellow bulbous fruit are two key characteristics of this cactus species. The prickly pear cactus is also called the paddle cactus and belongs to the Opuntia genus of cacti. They are also a distinct cactus species, due to their dual spike system, fixed spines and prickly glochids. The leaves or pads of cactus are called nopales and the fruit is called tuna or pear. On peeling the outer skin, the pear can be eaten raw or cooked to make jellies and sweets. The paddles are used in Mexican cuisine like a vegetable.

Medical benefits of the prickly pear nopal include:

Treating constipation and acting as a natural laxative
Strengthening the immunity of the body
Reducing and preventing inflammation in muscles along the body, from those in the gastrointestinal tract to the muscles in the bladder
Reduces cholesterol levels in the body
Stabilizes glucose and insulin levels in the body
Acts as a source of anti-oxidantsHelps treat gastric ulcersCan be applied topically to heal wounds, scrapes and insect bites
Helps in reducing the effects of drinking too much alcohol

The Pitaya FruitPrickly pear isn’t the only fruit-bearing cactus species. Several cactus species, the Hylocereus genus being one example, grow a large, unusual looking fruit called a pitaya or a dragon fruit. Though a native Central American plant, such cacti are also grown in South Asian countries such as Thailand, Indonesia, Malaysia and the Philippines. Depending on their area of growth, pitayas are red or yellow skinned with bright red or white inner flesh. They have vibrant green leaf-like growths protruding from their outer surface. The seeds and flesh can be eaten raw, without the skin of the fruit. You can also make pitaya juice or wine.

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Cardioversion vs Defibrillation

Cardioversion is a method to restore an abnormal heart rhythm back to normal. Defibrillation is a medical technique used to counter the onset of ventricular fibrillation, (VF) a common cause of cardiac arrest, and pulseless ventricular tachycardia, which sometimes precedes ventricular fibrillation but can be just as dangerous on its own.

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Difference of Cardioversion and Defibrillation

MONA: Immediate Treatment of MI

Remember that MONA does not represent order in which you should administer these treatments. It is a mnemonic to help you remember the components of MI treatment, not the prioritization of them.

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3 Areas of Damage After MI

A heart attack occurs when blood flow to a part of your heart is blocked for a long enough time that part of the heart muscle is damaged or dies. The medical term for this is myocardial infarction.

Blood Flow Through The Cardiac Valves

Blood flows through the Tricuspid valve, then to the Pulmonic Valve, down the Mitral valve then to the Aortic valve.

Cardiac Output

Cardiac output is equal to the heart rate (beats of the heart) multiplied by stroke volume (amount of blood pumped each heart beat).

Treating Congestive Heart Failure

Heart failure is a condition in which the heart is no longer able to pump out enough oxygen-rich blood. This causes symptoms to occur throughout the body.

Pulmonary Artery Catheter

A pulmonary artery catheter (PAC) is a long, thin tube with a balloon tip on the end that helps it to move smoothly through the blood vessels and into the right chamber of the heart.


Osteoporosis, which literally means porous bone, is a disease in which the density and quality of bone are reduced. As bones become more porous and fragile, the risk of fracture is greatly increased. The loss of bone occurs silently and progressively. Often there are no symptoms until the first fracture occurs.

Hip Fracture

Hip fractures are cracks or breaks in the top of the thigh bone (femur) close to the hip joint.


Appendicitis is a painful swelling of the appendix, a finger-like pouch connected to the large intestine.


Peritonitis is an inflammation (irritation) of the peritoneum, the thin tissue that lines the inner wall of the abdomen and covers most of the abdominal organs.

Diabetic Ketoacidosis (DKA)

Diabetic ketoacidosis is a life-threatening problem that affects people with diabetes. It occurs when the body cannot use sugar (glucose) as a fuel source because there is no insulin or not enough insulin. Fat is used for fuel instead.

Type 2 Diabetes

Type 2 diabetes is a lifelong (chronic) disease in which there is a high level of sugar (glucose) in the blood. Type 2 diabetes is the most common form of diabetes.


Hypoglycemia is a condition that occurs when your blood sugar (glucose) is too low. Blood sugar below 70 mg/dL is considered low. Blood sugar at or below this level can harm you

Anaphylactic Reaction

Anaphylaxis is a severe, whole-body allergic reaction to a chemical that has become an allergen. After being exposed to a substance such as bee sting venom, the person’s immune system becomes sensitized to it.

Autonomic Dysreflexia

Autonomic hyperreflexia is a reaction of the involuntary (autonomic) nervous system to too much stimulation. This reaction may include: Change in heart rate Excessive sweating High blood pressure Muscle spasms Skin color changes (paleness, redness, blue-grey skin color)

Duchennes Muscular Dystrophy

Duchenne muscular dystrophy is an inherited disorder that involves muscle weakness, which quickly gets worse. Duchenne muscular dystrophy is caused by a defective gene for dystrophin (a protein in the muscles). However, it often occurs in people without a known family history of the condition.

Dumping Syndrome

Dumping syndrome occurs when the contents of the stomach empty too quickly into the small intestine. The partially digested food draws excess fluid into the small intestine causing nausea, cramping, diarrhea, sweating, faintness, and palpitations. Dumping usually occurs after the consumption of too much simple or refined sugar in people who have had surgery to modify or remove all or part of the stomach.

Guillain-Barre Syndrome 

Guillain-Barre syndrome is a serious health problem that occurs when the body’s defense (immune) system mistakenly attacks part of the nervous system. This leads to nerve inflammation that causes muscle weakness or paralysis and other symptoms.


Hemophilia is a bleeding disorder that slows the blood clotting process. People with this condition experience prolonged bleeding or oozing following an injury, surgery, or having a tooth pulled. In severe cases of hemophilia, continuous bleeding occurs after minor trauma or even in the absence of injury (spontaneous bleeding). Serious complications can result from bleeding into the joints, muscles, brain, or other internal organs. Milder forms of hemophilia do not necessarily involve spontaneous bleeding, and the condition may not become apparent until abnormal bleeding occurs following surgery or a serious injury.

Sickle Cell Anemia Crisis

Sickle cell anemia is a disease passed down through families. The red blood cells which are normally shaped like a disc take on a sickle or crescent shape. Red blood cells carry oxygen to the body.

Symptoms of Leukemia

Leukemia is cancer of the white blood cells (leukocytes).

Systemic Lupus Erythematosus

Systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE) is an autoimmune disease in which the body’s immune system mistakenly attacks healthy tissue. It can affect the skin, joints, kidneys, brain, and other organs. The underlying cause of autoimmune diseases is not fully known.


Acromegaly is a long-term condition in which there is too much growth hormone and the body tissues get larger over time.

SIR Hernia

A hernia is a sac formed by the lining of the abdominal cavity (peritoneum). The sac comes through a hole or weak area in the strong layer of the belly wall that surrounds the muscle. This layer is called the fascia.

anonymous asked:

-urgent- My ribs and chest hurt really bad but my mom refuses to take me to a doctor because she doesn't want them to know i use a binder. My binder isn't tight and i can breath and move fine but they still hurt. Even when im not wear my binder it hurts. I complain a lot to my mom but she doesnt do anything. What do I do? I can try to bind less but if i leave the house I absolutely have to wear it or I will be miserable the entire day..

Ren says:

Okay, your mom needs to suck it up. If she can’t suck it up, then you need to call a doctor yourself, and if you can’t do that, contact me and I will call a doctor for you. I’m not kidding. This is dangerous.

Explain to your mother that you could’ve seriously injured your ribs, and that this is not the time to be embarrassed. Here is a short list of reasons why your ribs could be hurting: a fractured or broken rib, a sprained rib muscle, inflammation of the chest wall (costochondritis), bruised muscle or bruised cartilage or a bruised bone, torn muscle or torn cartilage, warping of your ribcage, or even problems with your heart or lungs.

She needs to weigh her options. Tell a doctor - in confidence, because at the very least if you live in the US your health information is 100% legally protected under HIPAA - that you’re binding and get medical care? Or potentially force you to develop a warped ribcage, tachycardia or arrhythmia (heart problems), or pneumonia or bronchitis or a punctured lung?

Why is she considering her “reputation” (it’s not even her reputation) more important than your health? This is not fair to you and it is absolutely not okay.

Here is a ribcage troubleshooting post that may help you with the basics of how to recover at home, but you need to see a doctor. Stop binding. I know it hurts to not bind, but binding is going to make it worse. Stop. Hide your binder. Do not let yourself wear it again until you are recovered. Instead, wear baggier clothes. A loose sports bra may be acceptable. But do not bind.

Y’all have to understand: binding is totally safe…if you are informed, practice safe and responsible binding techniques, and are willing and able to seek medical care if necessary. Your mental health and dysphoria are going nowhere good if you can’t keep up your body’s personal standard of physical health. Please, be kind to your body. Go see a doctor.

Tea Time!

Written by Lyds, photography by Isabella

Tea is maybe my favourite drink of all time. I probably drink too much. But, while I drink about five cups of English Breakfast a day, it’s secretly working wonders on my body. So, here are five different types of tea, each with some lovely benefits. Please remember that all of these teas can have side effects, so before you drink anything make sure to check that it won’t have a nasty impact on your body instead of a nice one!

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anonymous asked:

Hey there Mr JaxBlade SuperSaiyan Sensei sama :) I gots a question on Supplements. Do you NEEED them to build a great physique I just got a gym membership and the Trainers there were saying i should get some but I'd figured I'd ask you cause I really respect your opinion man

Oh sure and I’m humbled you’d ask

First things first Supplements are only there to Supplement your training and nutrition. if your diet is fucked up dont think any supplement is going to help you. 

Now some people take pre-workouts because it makes them feel like they are on top of the world, stronger and gives them more energy. When they don’t have it. Mainly cause of the caffeine it gives them a little boost. Some supplements like Creatine help you retain water which makes you appear bigger and also it helps increase your power. 

But for the most PART NO YOU DONT NEED THEM But it is Convenient for some foods

For example having a Protein Shake is just a lot more convenient then cooking a Steak or chicken or beans and rice after a workout session. Now dont get me wrong I prefer to have the FOOD over the SHAKE ANY DAY but its quick and easy to make

the thing with Supplements is really a marketing thing though because 2 of my BEST FRIENDS have phenomenal physiques and they take No Supplements whatsoever. just water and food

For me since I’m a busy person I only take 3 supplements

A Multivitamin- to get the nutrients i’m probably going to miss in the day

Omega 3 fish oil- it helps me a lot with muscle inflammation 

and Whey Protein powder- Like i said earlier its just convenient as a meal replacement

but hope that helps if you have the time FOOD wins over Supplements any day in my opinion unless you have deficiency and need to take it for those type of health reasons. But if you’re an average joe trying to train do your best and eat right!

anonymous asked:

Since the fandom is mildly freaking out about the name=how they died theory and the whole Tagami and Hirahara knowing each other prior to death (plus the implied cannibalism that those two combined would bring), why don't we fuel the fire... What about a fic of the two on their death bed? Just mess me up.

WARNING: This fic contains gore, body horror, implied rape, slight but not really nsfw, character death, and most importantly, angst.  You asked me to mess you up Anon, I did what you asked.  At the same time, read at your own risk.  If you cannot deal with any of the above items on the list, I STRONGLY suggest not to read.  You have been warned and I do not want to be responsible for people who go through anxiety or any triggers.

Admin Notes: The first two days of writing this fic, I suffered from my laptop randomly shutting down on me and deleting a lot of what I had written three times.  THREE TIMES.  And all three times I had to suffer from writing angst over and over and each time, it got worse and worse because I got mad and as revenge, I just got really into writing which makes no sense whatsoever.  The third and final time writing this, I created mixed feelings within myself because this is the closest I have ever written to anything really gory or nsfw so… we’ll see how that goes.

On another note, I will not be using their names because, as Rinnedou mentioned in their blog at one point, their names as demons may not be their names when they were human. This is a long Admin Notes. I’ll shut up now and let you guys read saying you’re okay with reading this. - Admin Saeki

How many days had it been since then?

Blazing orange and red flames touched the azure sky that day. Screams of terror filled the air and rang continuously in his ears.

Red.  Crimson red stained the ground and the walls and pond nearby.  He remembered those whose heads were cut off in one, clean cut.  Others were chopped off in several swing motions of a bloodied axe, the cacophonous snap of the neck making him cringe.

He remembered running away, his hand grabbed and pulled away into a run when he heard the loud sobs of a young girl and the continuous grunts and moans of a man nearby.  He remembered the pile of disfigured corpses soaked in crimson red.  Some had limbs torn or twisted.  Others had arrows skewering their bodies.  Some had clothes on and others didn’t.

He remembered the man screaming and running out of a building that was set ablaze. He flailed about, his arms covering his face and his skin turning black.

Men in armor that wielded swords stole the village’s treasures and massacred the people with no mercy or remorse in their fiery, monstrous eyes.

He remembered being seen by one soldier along with the person who was pulling him away to safety.

What safety?

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Why you shouldn't put pins in your mouth

TLDR: NEVER EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES PUT SEWING PINS IN YOUR MOUTH AS THEY COULD ACCIDENTALLY MAKE IT INSIDE YOUR BODY (and getting them out is awful). (yes,I put it at the beginning because it’s important)

TW for medical stuff, doctors, hospitals, body horror and the like, and just… well, a pretty horrifying experience in general. (if there needs to be more, please let me know)

The following is a story about why you should NEVER, EVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES put pins between your lips while sewing. If you’re squeamish about medical stuff, you probably shouldn’t read it, but it’s important. So please read and share so other people don’t do this.

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For older adults, being mildly overweight causes little harm, physicians say. But too much weight is especially hazardous for an aging body: Obesity increases inflammation, exacerbates bone and muscle loss and significantly raises the risk of heart disease, stroke and diabetes.

To help the nation’s 13 million obese seniors, the Affordable Care Act included a new Medicare benefit offering face-to-face weight-loss counseling in primary care doctors’ offices. It is free to patients, with no copay. But while Medicare now pays doctors to counsel their obese patients, only 50,000 people participated in 2013, the latest year for which data is available.

Lots Of Seniors Are Overweight, But Few Use Free Counseling

Illustration credit: Maria Fabrizio for NPR



Simply sit on top of your Backjoy and rely on its curves to engage your muscles in the best way as to strengthen your core, stabilize your pelvis and tilt your hips upwards to ensure healthy breathing and prevent potential spine stress, muscle inflammation or similar bone and back pains commonly caused by slouching, slumping or other improper sitting postures.

Afternoon! Todays Suppliment: 

Fish oil!

For those of you trying to slim down and tone, or perhaps even bulk up I HIGHLY suggest you eat a fish oil! It’s good for:

1.) Protecting your joints. For those of you lifting heavy or running excessively.

2.) It’s full of Omega-3 which is good for anti-inflammation on your muscles after workout and is good for recovering! (Relieving soreness)

3.) It actually turns off genes that accumulate belly fat, and turns on genes that rid the body of it! (Say no more!)

4.) Good for promoting healthy, hair, eyes, nails, and skin. (Lookin’ good)

5.) It’s full of DHA and EPA which can increase muscle synthesis and decrease muscle degradation. (Increase gains, decrease losing them!)

Take anywhere from 250mg to 1000mg can help change your workout results! :)

My Body vs. The Truck

Or: Linings That Are Not Silver

First of all: I know how good I’ve got it. Trust me, I am steeped in guilt daily knowing how wonderfully suited my circumstances are to my particular set of troubles. What troubles? Mere trifles. But stilll I have the insistent sense that I should broach this subject.

At the same time, I keep thinking – what does it matter? I write here, mainly poetry. Writing is the place where I get away from my body.

Until I realise that it is also the place that my body forces me to keep away from at times. Trying to figure out what’s happened to my words, my mind in general – am I depressed again? Is this fog permanent? Or am I just too tired to think?

Sometimes I think my illness itself must be getting tired from fighting. Sorry, now I’m skipping it: the coming out. The unsexy one, or at least, that’s the way it feels to me. Because I feel as if I pulled three consecutive all-nighters in a stadium filled with outraged crowds after a long night’s sleep.

Auto-immunity. I have it in spades. My body combats itself. And after varying amounts of activity, either in person or on the phone, or on paper, it shuts down. It tells me to shut up, sit still, crawl into bed, and then not sleep for hours because the world still turns, screaming, inside my head.

My body is faced with a growling 18-wheeler truck, waiting to drive through my energy levels, over and over.

But c’mon. Everyone is tired, right? So what? You just deal. The thing is, I do. Each time I get a new diagnosis, stacked on top of the others in an askew tower, there’s a plan to replace whatever bits and pieces my body refuses to make. To eradicate whatever my body mistakes for the plague.

Briefly, startled into change, my body pauses in attacking itself. Muscle inflammations cease, my heart stops skipping, arthritis holds its breath. Pain and swellings in my face and body go, my skin and nails get smooth, my hair thinks about growing. Crucially, my mind clears.

Then I do things, simple things, like write or talk or take a walk or have dinner with friends. And the truck comes, bearing down on me. It feels like a curious kind of punishment sometimes. I did it again, I sit there thinking, an invisible hammer bashing into my forehead. I did too much.

I’m not saying these things for pity’s sake. I’m saying them because I feel I keep disappearing without explanation. The operative fragment of that sentence is ‘I feel’ – I know that only a few people truly care. Those who do, I am immensely grateful for. But the bid for patience, I fear, is for myself.

I want to do so much. I want to write so much. I can deal with staying mostly home, I was never one for spending a lot of time among people, far from rest. But my stories suffer, my poems grow scarcer than they should be. I find myself wanting. Most of all, I find myself wanting to be kind.

Kind to others and to myself. I want to read and support and see and keep up. With me, with all of you. And often I can’t. Listen. I’ve got it good. Life is good. I think what I’m asking is for all of you to be kind to yourself. I’ll be there when I can.