Most of the INFJ females I know–including me–tend to post deep, motivational, and inspirational quotes on their Facebook. It’s as if their profile is a feel-good page. It’s their way of reminding themselves to be positive and to understand things. However–if they’re going through bad times–be prepared to see a lot of emotional and heartbreaking posts.
When I first met some of them, they seemed really outgoing and approachable. Super easy to talk to. Then later on I realized that they’re actually quiet individuals when they’re relaxed. This is often misunderstood by other people because of the abrupt change of behavior–making them think that they aren’t okay. But really, they’re just…like that.
They could be the friendliest people, yet the most distant. It’s confusing, really. But all you have to do is show that you care and be there most of the time. Then they’ll eventually open up.
They are so so so socially selective.When I’d see them talk with their close friends, they can seem so extroverted because of how loud they get. But you can only “unlock” this side of theirs if they feel comfortable enough around you (usual introvert thing).
The females INFJs I know (including me, I have to admit) are brutally honest but SO on-point that it hurts and can rip your heart out but…they say what you need to hear. It’s their way of helping people out. (their Judging aspect)
The male INFJs seem to be too nice at first, but it’ll fade away once you prove to them that you are not worthy. Once you reach their limits, they will be the coldest people ever–and it is the scariest thing ever.
Some of the INFJs I know tend to stay in toxic relationships. After all, they’re known to be the “counselors” or “protectors” of the MBTI (similar to ENFJs). They see people as projects and they get confidence from helping others out–as if it’s their cry for help for someone to maybe…help them. (Which is impossible since INFJs know deep down that only they can help themselves. They’re very independent in that sense)
A continuation of the one above– they want to save everyone but can’t save themselves. I personally had experiences where I helped people several times and acted like their “life coach” when in reality, I, too–needed help as well.
P.S. Finally got to update after 7 months!! I’ve been so busy with school… but now it’s Christmas break, so I can make some time for this :)
I will be replying to your messages~ And I don’t think I’ll be continuing aesthetics–since I don’t want this to turn into another MBTI Aesthetic blog, so yeah, sorry guys!
What I noticed and observed about them: (3 Males & 2 Females)
They are the introverts with a lot of friends.
Each of them have some sort of hidden talent that I don’t even know why they keep hidden in the first place. They are just so humble. (It’s annoying– I LOVE THEM). Their hidden talent most likely has something to do with the arts.
They are writers. The ones I know write blog posts, poetry, witty Facebook statuses, music, and lyrics. Self-expression is definitely a necessity for them.
Two of the INFP males I know have this innocent aura that will make you want to be super nice to them and even take care of them and not bully them even if they look so easy to bully. They’re that pure.
The other INFP male I know looked very tense and jittery before I first talked to him. But once I got him to start talking, he easily opened up. You just gotta reach out first.
Once you reach out to them, they will open up and you’ll discover that they are such cool people with strong opinions and beliefs. (pretty much closet ENFPs)
The two INFP females on the other hand were the ones who seemed loud at first–probably ‘cause they were with their friends–but ended up being really deep and humble people (I love it).
They are nice and civil to everyone.They don’t show it when they dislike someone (however,their close friends will know). They’re just that easygoing, which is why they have a lot of friends. (who are actually just mostly acquaintances to them–but they won’t tell them)
They have such good humor. Especially their sarcasm. AND THE TIMING OF THEIR JOKES IS PERFECT.
When they’re with their friends, you wouldn’t even think they’re introverts. They are so loud and lively with them (mostly the girl INFPs I’ve met are like this–the INFP males on the other hand are more obviously introverted).
Everyone likes them.I’m serious, what’s not to like? They are such good-hearted and open-minded people (even if they have strong beliefs).Before you know it, you’re completely yourself when you’re around them. They just make you feel homey.
When they’re in a bad mood, they distance themselves. They just don’t want to be a burden, even to their friends. No matter how many times you insist to be there for them, they will shake their heads and handle their problems by themselves. After all, the fight is in their head.
When they present alone in front (in class), they can be the most awkward people ever. But they do have a lot of meaningful things to say. They just aren’t used to taking the stage.
Most of the ones I know suffer with anxiety. This is most likely due to the fact that they feel so deeply and tend to keep it inside–after all, Fi is their most dominant function.
They are the nicest people ever (even if it’s not all that obvious), but if you hurt them on purpose–they will remember you for it. But they will forgive (on the outside).
They are the life of the partyeven if they aren’t loud. I don’t know, like when they aren’t present in their group of friends–there is obviously something missing.
They are good with one-on-one conversations. It’s amazing how even though they aren’t good with big crowds, they have this ability to talk to a stranger for a second and make them feel comfortable (if they want to, that is).
They are not boring– at all. It’s an Ne thing–their second dominant function–that makes them so talkative and animated. If they aren’t talking about something, they’re either making weird sounds to make others laugh or saying funny movie lines aloud (similar to INTPs).
They are smart. They have their own way of understanding things and they are not clueless–I swear, they know a little about everything. Just give them a topic, and they will have an opinion about it.
They have trouble saying no.I swear, the last thing they want to do is hurt someone. (Unless it’s for justice)
Music is extremely important to them. The INFPs I know either dance, play guitar, sing, or well–just need their earphones with them everyday to block out the world when they feel like it.
The vibes they give off, equal to their current mood. They are infectious.
Well, what do you guys think? :) Agree or disagree?
- you scare me
- today you were cutting beets to make juice and I saw the red knife and immediately assumed you killed someone
- you only view yourself as The Best™ or Scum of The Earth™
- why do we suck at dating
- for people who are usually amazing at reading people, we have terrible taste in significant others
- stop. arguing. with. me.
- if I needed a lawyer I would call you
- you’re really interesting and good at conversation
- one time an ENTP passionately hated me and two days ago she invited me out to dinner lmao
- I’m worried about you
- you have a diary full of illegible scribbles
- *points to stain on said diary* “I don’t know if this is soy sauce or blood”
- you make me feel mentally stable
- everyone likes you
- why can’t you just…..commit to someone
- I NEED MORE OF YOU IN MY LIFE WHERE ARE YOU ??
- precious people
- good taste in books
- you guys are so trustworthy and I have nothing bad to say about you
- YOU GUYS HAVE SUCH SPARKLING PERSONALITIES WTF
- good at party planning
- please…….let other people have opinions
- you guys know exactly how much to reveal about yourselves and I admire that
- I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: you are incredibly kinky
- would survive an apocalypse
- I’d trust you with my life tbh
- you like people to think you’re super conservative but I just found out about your wild side??? what???
- you have great hair and it’s really under-appreciated
- you know what you’re doing
- people always interrupt you
- keep doing your own thing ok you’re fine
- actual definition of the Mom Friend™
- I love your clothes???? and makeup??
- hey friend…….you don’t always have to be the one breaking up the fights ok? shh….chill
- you confuse me
- are you like……okay?
- thanks for giving me food you a homie
- CALM. DOWN.
- deep breath
- please stop interrupting me mid sentence
- who hurt your feelings? I’ll kick their ass
- you’re amazing at decorating
- your emotions overwhelm me
- you have the best intentions
- warm hearted !!!
- Emotionally Vulnerable
- very very creative
- um I’m kind of hesitant to get close to you because of your emotional intensity
- at least you guys channel your emotions into art??
- actually has a life
- usually found around other ESTPs
- people always give credit to ENFJs for being group-orientated but honestly ESTPs don’t get enough recognition for always finding something fun for everyone to do
- Cool Guy
- you’re attractive and you know it stop
- you’re also awkward and you know it, but everyone takes your awkward silences as being mysterious
- *bong rip* “yeah I don’t mess with hard drugs. I mean, I snorted cocaine once but it wasn’t that much so I don’t count it”
One time I tried to be perfect for a whole day….. What I learned was that I couldn’t be perfect because I was too passive. In order to be perfect, I have to more actively do what was right, and interfere with destiny. That is a scary thing.
They talk. A lot. I admire how they can talk about anything out of thin air–just to fill the awkward silence (or just for the very sake of talking). However, sometimes they just won’t stop talking. They tend to talk about a lot of different things at once, that even they forget why they were talking in the first place. It’s so amusing. (They’ll keep talking even though no one’s actively listening or paying attention to them).
If they aren’t talking, there is definitely something wrong.Sure they have their calm and quiet moments, (since they are known for getting drained quite easily for extroverts), but if their silence is accompanied with an emotionless face and cold vibes (totally different from their usual cheery disposition)–then that means they are not in the mood. This side of them will make you miss their loudness (or noisiness).
One ironic thing I observed about the two ENFP females I know are that they are not morning people. You would think that their sunny attitude would match the morning sun–but no. They are the moodiest and most negative people in the morning. It is just not the right time for them to shine (yet).
They are rarely on time. Pretty much a continuation on why they aren’t morning people. This is why an early class schedule (or them having to get ready for something early) makes things worse. Both of the ENFP females I know are constantly late to class (and would blame other things for it–such as traffic and other people). They don’t like admitting that they could have gotten out of bed earlier–and not have purposely ignored their alarm (or anyone who attempted waking them up).
However, if they are going out to see their friends or if they’re going to camp–or some other place where extroverts thrive in– then they will wake up even before the sun rises. Basically, if they’re motivated and excited, they will give their full-on effort.
They aren’t the most organized females. They prepare their things last-minute, misplace things in their own room, study right before taking their tests–yes, they live dangerously. But for some reason…they still manage to remain unstressed–which is why the same cycle goes on and on.
When they are in the mood, they are the most energetic, hyper, random, and upbeat people ever. They can easily brighten people’s day. Or well, overwhelm people with their happiness.
They are superinspiring people. They stand up for what they believe in–even if deep down they’d actually prefer peace and unity with everyone. They are the type of people who are constantly torn between doing what they want and what is right.
I know that the both ENFP females I’ve met had tough childhoods. They were bullied badly for being different, had bad experiences with so-called “friends”, and were judged at a young age. They were pretty much misunderstood.
Growing up, they learned to embrace their uniqueness– and that’s why they are so good at being no one else but themselves. (I truly admire this about them–they are strong-willed people who know that the ones who don’t accept them aren’t worth their time).
They dress quirky and don’t mind looking weird or dorky. They are full of surprises. They don’t give a care about what’s “in or “out.” They will wear mismatched socks and a ‘ton of different patterns at the same time and feel like gold.
They make the corniest jokes (or memorize them) and have a whole portion of pick-up lines and memes in their brain.
They are so caring and cuddly and clingy. Even to people they had just met. Their actions are as expressive as their mouths.
They love helping people. They know exactly how it feels to be down, and they wouldn’t dare let others feel the same way.
They have several groups of friends, yet they still don’t exactly know who their true friends are. They are always on a quest on finding true friendship.
They do get quiet, when they end up in a place where they feel surrounded and outnumbered by people who judge/have judged them. They feel threatened and are unable to hide it–at times.
They are emotional people. They cry after watching sad movies, happy movies, bad movies, good movies–or after finishing their favorite book. And they will always end up crying–even after reading/watching a really good book/movie a thousand times.
There are times when they would just isolate themselves– After all, outgoing people also have the urge to just laze around and be couch potatoes too. Reading books and manga, or watching Buzzfeed videos (or just random videos that don’t make sense)–are activities that they like to do during alone time (is what I noticed, at least).
They don’t admit it when they need help. They do show it though. They keep complaining–yet when you offer help to them, they just give that “It’s okay” phrase. But well, they are strong enough to get through it on their own.
They can almost talk to anyone and everyone–as most extroverts can. But what makes them different is that they even have the ability to be completely civil around people who clearly dislike them.
Despite being such a people-person, they rant a lot about the human race.Check their Twitter or just pay attention to what they’re saying.
Their presence has a big impact. You will feel their mood, whether you want to or not.
The ENFP females I know are much more friend-oriented than family-oriented. Well–it’s because they get to choose their friends. And that’s completely understandable.
Making fun of them (such as the way they do things, wear things, or the way they talk) is a big no-no. They are sensitive people beneath their confident and lively exterior. They need as much light as they give us.
Well guys, what do you think? :) Agree or disagree?
What I noticed and observed about them: (TWO FEMALES & TWO MALES)
Theyaren’t aware of their surroundings. When they’re walking in the halls, they will NOT look around and will just continue looking and walking straight. Their friends are usually the ones who snap them out of their mind. (It’s an Ni thing. They are in their own heads if they don’t give effort to notice what’s going around them). You just gotta say hi to them first most of the time. (Unless they’re comfortable around you–then you’ll be lucky enough to receive a greeting from them).
Eye contact is difficult for them. Most of them stare at the ground or just focus on something else in the background when they talk to you.
It takes awhile for them to learn dance moves. (Well, this applies to the ones who clearly aren’t dancers). We’d have these school dances and they’re the ones who needed help the most in remembering the steps. (I’m guessing it takes awhile for them to be fully “in sync” with their bodies…?)
They dislikeloudness and chaos. Also known as the classroom. And school itself. It’s a jungle out there.
They are so informational and are easily Teacher’s Pets because of how much they raise their hands in class and pay attention to them. I don’t think they listen because they’re interested though–they listen to find flaws in their teachings. It’s their past time.
They’re in school just to graduate. Making friends is just a bonus. (Or well, that’s what they want you to think, at least).
They claim that they’re okay being alone. And well, they’re actually okay with being by themselves. But I know that deep down they’d like a close friend or two with the same intellect and interests.
They are the nerdiest and dorkiest people with their friends. They suddenly become loud or just seem out-of-character. If you’re part of their friend-group, you will definitely see another side of them. Next thing you know they’re making bird-calls, mocking their teachers, and just bluntly voicing out their opinions.
They are passionate about their interests, hobbies and talents. What they’re into keeps them sane. One of them is a varsity chess player who loves playing the bass and writing poetry, another one is a ballerina (she studied in a professional studio and all that) who does a ton of other stuff as well (her parents encouraged her to do a lot), another one is into hypnotism (he went to several conventions for it) and dances hip-hop extremely well, while the other one I know is obsessed with anime (porn).
They may seemaloof and cold but are actually innocent people who aren’t aware of how they act. Which is why outgoing and talkative people get along with them well and manage to open them up. Opposites do attract (As long as they’re the complementing kind of opposites).
They’re actually not as serious as they seem. They have a sense of humor. Either dark or corny humor. And they aren’t serious about their grades either; they’re already blessed with intelligence.
Their words are sharp and can cut you, but they mean no harm. They just don’t really know which words are appropriate when talking to another human being. And which tone to use. And which facial expression to present.
They get possessive. They research things about their close friends and feel super uncomfortable when they aren’t there anymore; since they have grown attached to them already. This will hurt them because had chosen them over being fully independent and it’ll just make them go internally crazy. Which is why they like keeping their friends close. Really close. (Speaking for the unhealthier INTJs)
They like to “get a feel of people” before they truly open up. Typical introvert thing–but INTJs are extremely cautious when trusting people.
They almost seem helpless when their close friends aren’t around. Even desperate. This is why it’s easier for them to just be alone. No expectations–and they only have themselves to blame–which is actually much easier to accept than feeling betrayed by their friends. Again, trust issues.
They don’t mind talking about their opinions all day. (Fi thing) They would if they could. And they will, if they consider you as a close friend of theirs.
They just want to get things done and over with.Which is why they rather finish their homework and projects in advance. And do all the group work. They don’t want others slowing them down.
They are misunderstood. They are actually sensitive people who care and have feelings. Looks can definitely be deceiving.
Well, fellow INTJs, what can you say? :) Do you relate? Or do these statements fit the INTJs you know? :)
Again, these are about the INTJs I’ve met. So if it doesn’t apply to you–then it goes to show that despite sharing the same type, people still have their differences.
I can't help asking, but do other INFJs feel like master of thirdwheeling? Whenever I'm in a group of family or friends, I always seem to be the one pushed to the side. Is this a universal trait of our type? Or is this just an unfortunate cycle for me? 😂
Oh gosh, hmmmm…
I know this is definitely something that often happens to me, but do I go so far as to say it’s an INFJ trait?
Certainly, INFJs are prone to be observers. We like to sit back and
watch interactive dynamics at work, so I think as a type we are very
likely to intentionally thirdwheel ourselves. But as for it happening to INFJs, I think that hinges on the classic stereotype of being “the oddball”.
I know growing up, I was always that person who tended toward hanging
out with the animals at family gatherings because I just wasn’t
interested in the small talk everyone else was making. (Also, animals are just fun??) It was much
easier for me to amuse myself following cats and dogs around the house
and thinking about whatever I wanted rather than trying to force myself
into conversation topics I couldn’t relate to or keep up with. I didn’t like being made to feel like how I chose to interact wasn’t the right way to interact, so I made my own way. Of
course, over years with this habit, it also ended up that people simply
stopped turning to me for conversation beyond the obligatory status updates because they just assumed I
wouldn’t want to be part of it, and likewise I wasn’t practiced at keeping up an interaction past my interest. So I couldn’t help it happening when I was younger, but I also unknowingly set myself up for it to be more likely to happen in the future.
I really think that whole thing about INFJs having difficulty connecting with others is what would create this cycle of ending up on the periphery. We’re more likely to struggle in expressing ourselves to others while socializing, often feeling handicapped in trying to convey our points and perspectives verbally spur of the moment, as is needed with any conversation. Flow of conversation being what it is, it’s easy for us to be diverted out of the main stream if we can’t keep pace. We also have a tendency, thank you Ni, to follow one thought too deeply as we want to see where it might lead. Find us a topic that intrigues us, and INFJs could easily spend hours discussing or hearing about it. If we’re with groups who feel the same way about said topic, I don’t see much thirdwheeling happening. However, many social interactions stay at a more superficial level, or they simply carry onto the next topic without us, which gets us bumped from the hub of interaction.
It’s never gonna feel good because we’re conditioned to believe the outskirts of a group are like the shadow lands from The Lion King: you must never go there, Simba. At the same time, it is what it is. If we don’t like it, it’s partly on us to force our way back in there.
So do I think it’s an inherently INFJ thing? Probably not. Do I think INFJs are vastly more likely to experience this?