John’s started reading classic fairy tales to Rosie at bedtime. Here are Sherlock’s reviews (on a scale of 1 to 5 stars):
Little Red Riding Hood: ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
“I admire the girl’s independence, but this idiot child doesn’t recognize the difference between her beloved grandmother and a dangerous WOLF? The SAME WOLF she met in the forest less than an hour ago? And you think MY disguises are silly…”
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs:★★ ☆ ☆ ☆
“I like the part about the Evil Queen demanding Snow White’s heart – nice and macabre. So Snow White runs away to the forest and becomes a housekeeper for a gang of diminutive gay miners? They should’ve just ended the story there – I don’t care for all that pointless, predictable nonsense about the poison apple and the prince.”
Goldilocks and the Three
“If those bears were any worse at deduction, they’d work for New
“Thought you might relate to Goldilocks, love – you’re both picky,
impatient, show zero respect for others’ personal property…”
“Oh please, John. Goldilocks
is a moron – now, if Rosie wants to
learn how to perform a proper home invasion…”
The Three Little Pigs:
“It’s a scam, obviously. At least two of these pig brothers are guilty of insurance fraud, and the third
may be in on it as well. A wolf BLEW your house down? While straw and sticks
may not be the sturdiest of building materials, the lung capacity of the
average fully grown Canis lupus is not
great enough to produce the force necessary to demolish even an exceedingly shoddy
The Little Mermaid:
no pirates? Would be better with pirates.”
“I’d like to
know Rapunzel’s diet, genetic makeup (or at least ethnicity), cranial
circumference, surface area of her scalp, the height of the tower, the
surrounding climate and humidity level, what sort of shampoo/conditioner she
used, whether or not she used hairspray or styling product …numerous variables affect the tensile strength and growth rate of human hair, you know…“
“I love a
ball. The ball is good – beautiful gown, the prince in his dress uniform, love
at first sight, dancing the night away, AND a mystery! Yet it’s all ruined
because I can’t stand the utter STUPIDITY of trying the glass slipper on every
eligible maiden in the land…it doesn’t take a deductive genius to recognize
that’s a waste of time!”
one actually has some valuable lessons. For one thing, someone is always
listening – royal minions in a fairy tale, Mycroft’s cameras and covert agents,
the homeless network…we’re under surveillance of some sort at all times. Be
vigilant, be aware, observe. Also, if you happen to have a ridiculous name, OWN IT – there’s
no point trying to keep it a secret, because it’ll come out eventually, JOHN
It is often difficult to recognize the connection between early-life feelings of imprisonment, and our subsequent need for space and distance in our adult lives. This can be manifest in many different ways: non-committal relationships, career indecision, a perpetual need to live alone, social avoidance, perpetual mistrust of the world etc. For a time, these manifestations can actually serve a counter-balancing purpose, as our spirits breathe a healthy sigh of relief after years entrapped. If all you know is engulfment, it is essential that you have a taste of safety and spaciousness. But, taken too far, our escape hatches can actually become a prison of their own, one that deepens our isolation and prevents us from forming positive associations with the world. Any imbalanced reality has an imprisoning quality. Just because our early-life environment felt like a prison doesn’t mean that we can’t create a different reality-one that is rooted in healthy connectiveness.
The girl cut her hair once so that she could have bangs. The mother disapproved and decided to cut off 15" of her hair as punishment. The girl later again decided to change her hair style and the above was the result; she shaved her daughters head.
Having a few personal experiences with this kind of invasive behaviour it really hurts to see someone go through these kinds of things, where the parent tries to live vicariously through their childs life, to attempt to shape them and make their decisions for them depending on what THEY would do and give their child NO independence or self expression.
Thankfully, this mother thought her actions were 100% justifiable and posted it to Facebook as a bit of a “haha, teach my kid a lesson” and has been hit with brutal recrimination from her community and has had visits from Child Protective Services.
For so many young (and older) girls their hair is their self expression, and in several months I hope this girl will have hers back.
hi! do you have any lesbian/bisexual/queer/whatever term you use for "not 100% straight" leia thoughts/headcanons?
I am very convinced that at nineteen and three quarters, Princess Leia Organa is the Junior Imperial Senator from Alderaan, a Rebel spy, and just…..the biggest godsdamn virgin.
She hides it a little better than Luke does, which is how most of the good-natured teasing misses her and falls on him. (The rest is because who on earth would tease her, stiff and vicious when provoked?)
Well, Solo would, but Solo seems to have all the self-preservation instincts of a headless weevil, so that’s his problem.
Anyway, that’s not the point.
The point is—she was a shouty, independent child and a difficult, overly defensive adolescent, and then she is senator, soldier and spy. It had been hard enough finding friends let alone anyone who wanted to kiss her.
An even smaller set: anyone who wanted to kiss her for just….her, and not her mother’s title.
(One of the Baronets kissed her once, in the cloakroom at a banquet to celebrate some Alderaanian festival. She let him, more out of novelty than anything else.
She had also kicked him in the testicles three days later, when she heard him bragging to their school friends he had made it with the princess.)
None of it’s really the point, it’s not the point, but it’s illustrative of the facts. She is senator/soldier/spy, with ‘person who experiences attraction or interest in specific sentient beings’ in the distant fourth place.
Though—well, though, she knew, in a distant sort of way. Pure political awe and the admiration of colleagues never really explained how she felt about Mon Mothma, how blushing and fluttery she got in briefings, or whenever Mothma complimented her work.
(Later, Han jokes that even with Luke off the table, Leia would still drop him like a hot grackle-cake if she thought Mothma would have her. “Don’t be silly,” Leia says, going pink.)
Even before that—there had been Syas Morcir, daughter of the Viceroy of Mandalore, the refugee princess fleeing persecution from the Empire. Breha and Bail had offered the Morcirs the protection of Alderaan, and Leia and Syas had become one anothers’ shadows, fastest confidantes.
One of the few true friends Leia could recall—Syas, with her sharp tongue, her anger, from whom Leia had no secrets. They’d pricked one another’s fingers, pressed them together and sworn they were blood sisters.
Sisters kissed all the time, Leia knew. Her mother was always kissing Leia’s aunts in greeting, embracing them warmly. It seemed natural when she and Syas did so.
(Leia didn’t feel that same intimacy again, not until Luke Skywalker came barreling into her life, dressed in stormtrooper armor and earnest.)
Even when—though by that point, Leia can’t accommodate anything more complicated than what she has, the strange and profound intimacy with Luke, the flinty-spark and burn with Han, she’s overwhelmed with all the affection she suddenly feels, finds herself receiving—
But sometimes Shara Bey works on her x-wing out on the duracrete, and at the sight of her arms, the muscles flexing beneath the skin, and—Leia makes an extremely undignified noise.
(What? She’s in the middle of something ineffably complicated and fraught, not blind. Luke glances in the direction she’s staring, slack-jawed and laughs for a solid three minutes.)
She’s settled into it more comfortably, by the time the war slinks back with new teeth. There’s grey in her hair and she’s not nineteen and three-quarters any longer. Love is stranger, aching, and better than she would have guessed then.
Leia once tries to make a joke in Pava’s direction—something harmless, she’s gotten good at that—but Pava goes red, and stammers, and Leia resists the urge to laugh. (Everything goes in circles. Everything—)
Some parents never seem to grasp that they are not the main character in their child’s life, and that their role is to provide support for their child to grow up to be an independent adult themselves.
You could think of parents as booster rockets that help a child get up to speed at the start of their journey, then gracefully detach when the child is ready to fly by themselves. The booster rocket isn’t supposed to stay latched on and follow the child to the moon, making a big deal about how much it has sacrificed all the while.
(Okay that’s a bit of a strained metaphor; most parents don’t need to be ditched in the Pacific Ocean when they’re out of fuel).
Every parent should want to see their child healthy and independent. If your child has a biography or Wikipedia page, ideally you should be briefly mentioned in the first few chapters or “Early Life” section; if parents have a major presence later in the story it’s usually not a good sign.
A good relationship with your adult children, like any good relationship, is a privilege and not a right. It can require a degree of luck and it can’t be forced.
In an ideal situation your kids will still enjoy spending time with you after they have kids of their own. But if they don’t, maybe that’s for the best.
I kind of want an age reversal Magicians fic. Like, a spell gone wrong and everyone but Penny is a toddler.
Quentin keeps hiding places and no one can find him. Eliot is intolerable and requires all of the attention. Margo is the single most independent child. Penny is 100% done with chasing children but has to remain Team Mom because otherwise everyone will die.
ARE YOU A FAN OF BADASS KIDS WHO TELL THE GOVERNMENT TO EAT SHIT?A KID WHO STARED DOWN THE DEMOGORGON ONLY TO SHOOT IT IN IT’S UGLY FACE ?meet LUCAS SINCLAIR just your average twelve year old. he’s into ‘nam paraphernalia, lord of the rings, dungeons and dragons, and shooting dangerous monsters in the face with a wrist rocket ! loyal to his friends and ruthless to his enemies; he’s the perfect addition to any family or friend group. like / reblog for a chance at him telling you off !!
I created a Spotify playlist “Womanist Mixtape” of some of my favorite songs that empower, inspire, are righteous rage, Black power, vulnerable, confident, loving, romantic/sensual/sexual, friendship, fun and more. Some are on specific topics such as domestic violence and labor, for example. This isn’t me labeling the artists; they can self-identify. These are songs that speak to Black women/femme lived experiences and the knowledge obtained from them. These are songs that make me happy, and joy is an aspect of my womanism; “wholeness of entire people…” and such.
Songs in initial playlist:
“Respect” - Aretha Franklin
“Control” - Janet Jackson
“U.N.I.T.Y.” - Queen Latifah
“Q.U.E.E.N.” - Janelle Monáe
“I’m Every Woman” - Chaka Khan
“Ladies First” - Queen Latifah ft. Monie Love
“Electric Lady” - Janelle Monáe ft. Solange
“I’m Every Woman” - Whitney Houston
“***Flawless” - Beyoncé
“Milkshake” - Kelis
“Nobody Knows When You’re Down and Out” - Bessie Smith
“Alright” - Ledisi
“Closer” - Goapele
“Didn’t Cha Know” - Erykah Badu
“Work Song” - Nina Simone
“Ghetto Woman” - Janelle Monáe
“Workin’ Woman Blues” - Valerie June
“Bitch Better Have My Money” - Rihanna
“Money Money” - Lady Saw
“She Works Hard For The Money” - Donna Summer
“Lost Ones” - Lauryn Hill
“Independent Women” - Destiny’s Child
“Bossy” - Kelis
“Queen of The Pack” - Patra
“Conceited” - Remy Ma
“Run The World (Girls)” - Beyoncé
“She’s A Bitch” - Missy Elliott
“Many Moons” - Janelle Monáe
“Cold War” - Janelle Monáe
“Sally Ride” - Janelle Monáe
“Superpower” - Beyoncé
“Strange Fruit” - Nina Simone
“No More Auction Block For Me” - Sweet Honey In The Rock
“Brotha” - Angie Stone
“To Be Young, Gifted and Black” - Nina Simone
“Greatest Love of All” - Whitney Houston
“Be Real Black For Me” - Roberta Flack ft. Donny Hathaway
“Rhythm Nation” - Janet Jackson
“My People” - Erykah Badu
“Unpretty” - TLC
“Pretty Hurts” - Beyoncé
“Don’t Take It Personal” - Monica
“Love Is Blind” - Eve
“Love Don’t Love You” - En Vogue
“Single Ladies” - Beyoncé
“Ex-Factor” - Lauryn Hill
“Tyrone” - Erykah Badu
“Not Gon’ Cry” - MJB
“No Scrubs” - TLC
“Irreplaceable” - Beyoncé
“Houng Dog” - Big Mama Thornton
“You Can’t Play With My Yo-Yo” - Yo-Yo ft. Ice Cube
“Roxanne’s Revenge” - Roxanne Shante
“Hit ‘Em Up Style (Oops)” - Blu Cantrell
“My Lovin’ (Never Gonna Get It)” - En Vogue
“Why Does It Hurt So Bad” - Whitney Houston
“Sittin’ Up In My Room” - Brandy
“How Can I Ease The Pain” - Lisa Fischer
“Unbreak My Heart” - Toni Braxton
“I Care” - Beyoncé
“Deep Sea Diver” - Angel Haze
“Epiphany (I’m Leaving)” - Chrisette Michele
“Dirty Laundry” - Kelly Rowland
“Caught Out There” - Kelis
“Shotgun” - Valerie June
“What’s Love Got To Do With It” - Tina Turner
“Man Down” - Rihanna
“A Rose Is Still A Rose” - Aretha Franklin
“Golden” - Jill Scott
“I Will Survive” - Gloria Gaynor
“***Flawless” (Remix) - Beyoncé ft. Nicki Minaj
“Feeling Myself” - Nicki Minaj ft. Beyoncé
“Towards The Sun” - Rihanna
“Sing To The Moon” - Laura Mvula
“Diamonds” - Rihanna
“Masterpiece (Mona Lisa)” - Jazmine Sullivan
“Let’s Talk About Sex” - Salt-N-Pepa
“Oops (Oh My)” - Tweet
“Blow” - Beyoncé
“One Minute Man” - Missy Elliott ft. Ludacris
“Worker Man” - Patra
“Love Me Thru The Night” - Diana King
“Rocket” - Beyoncé
“Push It” - Salt-N-Pepa
“Rain” - SWV
“Work It” - Missy Elliott
“Veins” - Jazmine Sullivan
“Last Days” - Goapele
“Kissing You” - Total
“If” - Janet Jackson
“Keep On, Keepin’ On” - MC Lyte ft. Xscape
“I’m Your Baby Tonight” - Whitney Houston
“Count On Me” - Whitney Houston ft. CeCe Winans
“What About Your Friends” - TLC
“Best Friend” - Brandy
“Best Friends” - Missy Elliott ft. Aaliyah
“That’s What Friends Are For” - Dionne Warwick ft. Gladys Knight
“Together Again” - Janet Jackson
“Next Lifetime” - Erykah Badu
“Heaven” - Beyoncé
“Open My Heart” - Yolanda Adams
“Order My Steps” - GMWA Women of Worship
“Long As I Got King Jesus” - Vickie Winans
“Black Synagogue” - Angel Haze
“What Is Love” - V. Bozeman
“A Long Walk” - Jill Scott
“Lions, Tigers & Bears” - Jazmine Sullivan
“Dangerously In Love” - Beyoncé
“Love Me Today” - Zhané
“For Real” - Amel Larrieux
“Other Side Of The Game” - Erykah Badu
“Gloomy Sunday” - Billie Holiday
“Can’t Live Without Your Love” - Janelle Monáe
“Sending My Love” - Zhané
“It’s A Pity” - Tanya Stephens
“I Wanna Be Down” - Brandy
“Yoga” - Janelle Monáe
“Escapade” - Janet Jackson
“Dance Apocalyptic” - Janelle Monáe
“Get Me Bodied” - Beyoncé
I’ve seen similar playlists in the past so I don’t seek to steal anyone’s thunder, but I cannot find them; I have too many “likes” on Tumblr to find stuff anymore. Womanists/Black feminists, feel free to reblog and write songs (below my text, as to not confuse people with what is already on the list) that you think I should add and I’ll consider; this playlist is just a start; I just made it today.
Hannibal so pretentious, he’d probably compose a lullaby just for his child.
His child would learn at least TWICE the number of languages he knows.
When his child is curious about junk food, I doubt he’d even let them try it. He’d just create healthy, delicious alternatives right off the bat.
Hannibal partaking in children’s media with his child (watching Disney, playing video games, etc).
If his child REALLY wanted a pet, he’d probably get them a sphinx or smth like that.
Hannibal’s almost always well behaved child in formal wear attending the opera and other events with him and everyone cooing over them, d'aww.
Their nighttime routine: Dinner, some visual media like TV, bath time, Hannibal reading smth like ancient mythology to them, and a lovely massage (not necessarily for just the child (tiny hands so soft)) to put them to sleep with soft music or environmental sounds playing in the background.
Hannibal’s child politely asking their Daddy to carry them. Hannibal agreeing to do so more often than not.
HANNIBAL LECTER ALLOWING HIS CHILD TO CLIMB HIM LIKE A TREE, CUDDLE HIM, AND SLEEP WITH HIM IN HIS BED. HANNIBAL LECTER ACKNOWLEDGING HIS CHILD’S DESIRE FOR CLOSENESS AND INTIMACY AND INDULGING THEM.
Hannibal teaching his child when and when not to bite someone.
Daddy-Child Yoga, can I get an Amen!
Hannibal making sure that if he was caught, his child would be taken care of financially and in other ways.
1. feeling myself by nicki minaj ft. beyonce 2. grown by little mix 3. bo$$ by fifth harmony 4. run the world (girls) by beyonce 5. bitch better have my money by rihanna 6. all hands on deck by tinashe 7. salute by little mix 8. gun by chvrches 9. love myself by hailee steinfeld 10. trini dem girls by nicki minaj 11. i’m legit by nicki minaj 12. million dollar bills by lorde 12. worth it by fifth harmony 13. wings by little mix 14. how to be a heartbreaker by marina and the diamonds 15. confident by demi lovato 16. miss movin’ on by fifth harmony 17. going nowhere by fifth harmony 18. move by little mix 19. va va voom by nicki minaj 20. bad girls by m.i.a 21. focus by ariana grande 22. body of my own by charli xcx 23. hair by little mix 24. obsessed by mariah carey 25. the wire by haim 26. a.d.i.d.a.s. by little mix 27. pour it up by rihanna 28. do my thang by miley cyrus 29. shower by becky g 30. same old love by selena gomez 31. london bridge by fergie 32. on my mind by ellie goulding 33. pound the alarm by nicki minaj 34. this is how we roll by fifth harmony 35. black magic by little mix 36. glamorous by fergie 37. hands to myself by selena gomez 38. applause by lady gaga 39. primadonna by marina and the diamonds 40. break free by ariana grande 41. bang, bang by jessie j, ariana grande & nicki minaj 42. s&m by rihanna 43. can’t stop dancin’ by becky g 44. don’t need nobody by ellie goulding 45. them girls be like by fifth harmony 46. do what u want by lady gaga 47. survivor by destiny’s child 48. partition by beyonce 49. no scrubs by tlc 50. birthday cake by rihanna 51. get ur freak on by missy elliot 52. wannabe by spice girls 53. the party’s just begun by the cheetah girls 54. we know by fifth harmony 55. a different beat by little mix 56. jumpin, jumpin by destiny’s child 57. independent women by destiny’s child 58. fuego by the cheetah girls 59. amigas cheetahs by the cheetah girls 60. suga mama by fifth harmony 61. did it on em by nicki minaj 62. bootylicious by destiny’s child 63. omg by little mix 64. 7/11 by beyonce 65. top down by fifth harmony 66. pretty girls by britney spears ft. iggy azalea 67. gimme more by britney spears 68. me & the rhythm by selena gomez 69. so what by pink 70. fight song by rachel platten 71. royals by lorde 72. the weekend by eden xo 73. work bitch by britney spears 74. the heart wants what it wants by selena gomez 75. fwu by kehlani 76. cockiness (i love it) by rihanna 77. lush life by zara larsson 78. sober by selena gomez 79. hard by rihanna 80. good for you by selena gomez 81. don’t wanna dance alone by fifth harmony 82. boy by little mix 83. rockstar 101 by rihanna 84. ain’t got time by m.o 85. bulletproof by la roux 86. fuck you by lily allen 87. countdown by beyonce 88. do it like a dude by jessie j 89. 2 on by tinashe 90. problem by ariana grande ft. iggy azalea 91. maneater by nelly furtado 92. doing it by charli xcx ft. rita ora 93. potential breakup song by aly & aj 94. wtf (where they from) by missy elliot 95. chandelier by sia 96. the night is still young by nicki minaj 97. reflection by fifth harmony 98. pity party by melanie martinez 99. ***flawless by beyonce 100. psycho by rozzi crane 101. lightning strikes by r5 102. how ya doin? by little mix 103. work by rihanna 104. rise by selena gomez 105. competition by little mix 106. desperado by rihanna 107. revival by selena gomez