Look, you keep expecting me to pull victories out of my ass, and I understand that, but “fucking massive army of the undead that answers to exactly one person in all the world” is not a reasonable or obvious strategy to prepare for.
- an excerpt from the final report of Supreme OrcCommander General Gothmog, detailing the reasons for defeat in Pelargir, The Lord of the Rings, book V, chapter VI
No. Do you want to know how done I am right now? Because I’ll tell you. I have walked all over this Mahaldamned earth, I nearly froze to death, on more than one occasion I almost got eaten, Durin’s Fucking Bane almost set me on fucking fire, I got to go on the world’s worst cross country marathon, human politics nearly got me locked up, I just had the worst night ever, AND NOW THERE ARE FUCKING EYES IN THE FUCKING TREES, LEGOLAS, DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITED I WOULD BE TO NEVER THINK OF THAT AGAIN?
- Gimli, to Legolas, book III of The Lord of the Rings, chapter VIII
He says he found a bunch of tiny hairy people in the woods that get wrinkly and die in a few decades. No, I don’t know what he’s been drinking, and yes, I did tell him to sober up and get back here and do his job.
- Galadriel, to her uncle Fingolfin, explaining where exactly her brother Finrod has been these past years, the Silmarillion