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anonymous asked:

office halloween parties + vmin

“Where’s Jimin? I haven’t seen him in a while,” Hoseok asks distractedly, pouring a mysterious liquid from a water bottle into his orange punch. 

“He forgot to bring candy to hand out at the party, so he’s making photocopies of his butt to hand out as treats,” Taehyung informs them cooly. He looks genuinely shocked when the office lets out a collective groan. “Oh fuck off, raise your hand if you do not want a copy.”

Nobody raises their hand. 

“Didn’t think so.” It’s then that Taehyung’s office phone rings, and he recognizes the number. “Oh, guys it’s him! I’ll put him on speaker. Hey babe!”

“Hey,” Jimin’s distorted voice comes through the phone. “I’m not on speaker am I?”

Taehyung scrambles quickly, trying desperately to turn off the speakerphone, clearly unaware of how to use his office phone. “Uh, no of course not.”

“Good. I need you to come and get me. There’s been an incident.”

“Okay,” Taehyung says uncertainly, pressing random buttons now and looking flustered. “Explain?”

“Well you know how you told me not to wear any underwear under my mummy costume? So you could ‘unwrap me like a juicy little present later?’”

Taehyung pauses, leaning back in his chair and looking rather pleased with himself as Namjoon starts to bang his head against the wall. “I think I recall.”

“Yeah, well there were come complications. With the paper shredder. I… I leaned over to pick up a copy, and my wrappings got sucked in and…. well… I didn’t know how to turn the goddamn thing off. It just kept going and going and going…”

Taehyung swallows hard and licks his lips. “Jimin are you buck-ass naked in the copy room right now?”

“I am.”

He’s out of his chair before Yoongi’s groan of disgust has even left his mouth. 

anonymous asked:

bad puns to tell my crush

  • are you a parking ticket? the future terrifies me
  • when was the last time you took your vitamins?
  • 44
  • i’m a thousand years old 
  • we could make it if we really tried 
  • can we play some drake? i’m going to play some drake 
  • i killed my parents and they deserved it
  • enough to break the ice in tennessee 
  • i want to die
  • blue crab larvae are incredibly vulnerable to jellyfish
  • i think about you more than i’d ever admit 
  • i threw up on the way here 
i want to prove a point to my parents

reblog if you have ever blinked or drank water in your entire life. they keep telling me that i’m the only one who does these things and i want to show them that that’s not the case at all. please help me show them that this is an actual thing that people do