inbred family

Uncle Popeye Fucks Up Hunting So Bad Legislation Happens

(Gun use, alcohol mention, amazingly- no animal death)

So you may remember Uncle Popeye from A Holiday Story, when he and grandpa tried to shoot a pheasant and fucked it up real bad.  I called the Ohio Relatives.  They have no idea how the family knew Popeye either, but that his given name was Richard, but got tired of being called “Dick” and after losing an eye in WW2, went by Popeye.

Look man, Ohio DOES things to people.

Popeye fancied himself the Great Outdoors-man, despite a long list of evidence to the contrary- besides the shooting incident, there was the time he got lost in the woods behind his house for a week despite being less than a mile from his house and six major roads, the time he almost poisoned the whole family after mushrooming in the hills only to be stopped by GG, and the time he got in a fight with a Woodcock and Lost.

The worst though, was Snowflake.

Near where my Ohio relatives lived, and continue to live, there is a Military Armory. (You know that joke about “If all your relatives all live in the same postcode, you might be a redneck?”  Yeah, check that.  Mom was the first to leave the state, and keeps urging the others that they are free to leave, they can’t keep you there. But I digress).  The armory is actually kind of a large campus, several hundred acres in size, where they take lots of old munitions and aircraft and whatnot, and figure out how to take apart and dispose of them without blowing everything up to fuck. The whole area is fenced off to keep the locals from helping themselves to the munitions (A serious issue in redneck country), which trapped the deer in the forest inside.  

The deer, no longer having to worry about hunters, but cut off from the outside population, basically went full Deliverance, and the resulting mutants are… rather pretty.  

The mutation is Luecistism, not albinism, but it makes for pretty, pretty very stupid deer.  Like, even dumber than white-tail already are, and whitetail are DUMB.  But the deer on the armory could afford to be easy to spot and have no natural fear of anything, because there were no predators or hunters, and the soldiers stationed there had better things to do

The prettiest of them all was Snowflake, the large white buck named Snowflake, because soldiers are great at naming things.  He was, by all accounts, a truly splendid creature- snow-white and shapely, with a well-developed rack.  Not unlike a porn star, apparently.  And many a man Lusted after snowflake, desperate for his head.

Or other things.  Ohio’s a pretty fucked up place.

But unlike other men, who would only stare wistfully from afar, Popeye was absolutely determined to have Snowflake.  The issue was, the military, having a few moments of sense, had decreed that having people wandering around a munitions decommissioning plant with firearms was likely to result in fire and death, declared that there was to be no hunting on their grounds.  The only way Popeye could feasibly shoot Snowflake would be if he were somehow able to get him on the other side of the fence.  But he couldn’t just cut a hole in the fence- it was fairly regularly checked, and he’d be caught.  Nope.  Somehow, Popeye had to get Snowflake on the other side of the fence without damaging it or the Military noticing.

It was during an afternoon of boozing and watching western documentaries, Popeye hit upon a solution.  He was watching a tourism promotion for all the great outdoor activities in Colorado, when he saw the solution to his problem.

He could FISH for deer.

Specifically, he fly-fish.  In his mind, he could clearly see how it would play out.  he’d simply find a heavy-duty line, cast it over the fence, tangling it in Snowflake’s antlers, and then reel him over the fence, where it would be perfectly legal to shoot him and then he’d be the envy of all the men down at the elks lodge.  Hah!  Genius!

So that spring, Popeye began tossing corn over the fence to lure deer to that particular secluded corner, and was immensely pleased when Snowflake started turning up regularly.  He’d get his trophy AND some fat venison!  All summer and into fall, he continued this, with the deer getting entirely too casual about his presence.  he also got his hands on some deep-sea fishing line and practiced ensnaring the antlers of his dummy deer in the backyard.  Just to make sure he had the leverage to haul Snowflake in, he got the harness that attaches the pole to your hip.  All was going according to plan.

So the first day of hunting season, Popeye goes to his corner where he’s been feeding the deer, and Snowflake is there, waiting for breakfast.  Great.  Popeye backs his pickup truck up to the fence, and stands on the bed so he can cast over the fence.  The deer, being imbeciles, fail to notice anything amiss.  He casts, and miracle of miracles, he gets the loop over Snowflake’s antlers on the first try!  Popeye whips the line around some more, making sure Snowflake is good and tangled, before reeling him in.

Apparently snowflake just stood there for this part, presumably looking confused.  Then the line began to pull on him.

As Popeye would later recount from the hospital:  “That’s when I realized.  Deer ain’t Mackinaw.”

Popeye had, in all his planning,  not taken into consideration that a 200-pound buck at the height of his testosterone-riddled rut might be somewhat disinclined to be pulled over a fence.  Furthermore, Popeye had failed to account that at 5′5″, he was of similar size to the deer, and in nowhere near as good of shape.

He recalled ALMOST flying over the fence as Snowlfake turned and ran for the safety of the base.  He did not quite make it, and cracked both knees as they slammed into the fence, jeans and harness shredding on the barbed wire.  it was not enough to separate him from the harness, only enough to slide it down his legs and tangle around his ankles, so that once he hit the ground, Popeye was dragged for half a goddamn mile by his feet as Snowflake frantically tried to get away.

Once at the base, and all manner of bruised, cut up and abused, Popeye was relieved when they finally came to a halt.  he regretted it half a second later when he realized that Snowflake had only turned around, and was now bearing down on his sorry ass full-tilt.  Several puncture and kick wounds later, Popeye managed to kick off the harness, freeing himself from Snowflake, and had to run back to where he thought he’d left the truck.  In the middle of the night, in the woods, with cracked patellas and without pants.

It took him all night to find the fence and truck, but managed to get back over the fence and to the hospital without being spotted. In a fit of paranoia that almost pased for good sense, he drove to three counties away to be treated, so the police wouldn’t find him, bleeding all the way.  He neglected beforehand, to tell any of his friends or family where he was going, except that he was deer-hunting.

He was very disappointed when he turned up a week later and found out nobody had gone looking for him.

 Snowflake was found tangled up in a tree, and was cut loose by the soldiers, apparently upset but unharmed.  Concerned that the poachers were getting too creative for their own good, the base petitioned the state legislature to maybe make a law that you aren’t allowed to fish for deer, Christ, we only found the poor man’s pants.

The state legislature, in a fit of rabid libertarianism, declared that such a law would be too restrictive upon the freedom of Ohioans, so the Army tried the country.  The county, which had to actually deal with this kind of bullshit on a semi-regular basis, agreed, and it is now illegal to Hunt any bird, fish or quadruped with devices and equipment not intended for such purpose.

Popeye never went deer-hunting after that, and Snowflake went on to sire many many more pretty inbred deer.

What with all these games coming out now where you have to play matchmaker for your party members have gotten me wondering: why not just bite the bullet and make it an explicit gameplay goal?

Concept: you’re an up and coming member of a small but influential ninja clan. You’ve just been given command of a team of newly trained ninjas. Before heading out on your first mission, however, the clan leader calls you in for a private meeting.

He reveals that the clan is facing a genealogical crisis. Owing to its isolationist policies, practically everyone is closely related to everyone else, to the extent that it will be next to impossible for the next generation - i.e., your generation - to find eligible mates. Normally, situations like this would be resolved through arranged marriages with allied clans; however, due to the ongoing clan wars, many of your traditional allies have suffered heavy losses and have few suitable prospects to offer, while others have been cut off behind hostile territory, or simply vanished entirely.

Thus, you’re being assigned a secondary goal: take advantage of the travels your missions send you on to find suitable spouses for as many of your clan-sisters and clan-brothers as possible. Those spouses will, of course, be inducted into the clan themselves, so blatant trickery should be kept to a minimum - you need to find genuinely good matches, with people who can be trusted to keep the clan’s secrets. Furthermore, your clan’s enemies would sense weakness if word of your instructions ever got out, so you have to keep your objectives hidden, even from your own companions.

So how are you supposed to play matchmaker for your entire squad without allowing anyone to realise what you’re doing? Well, you’re a ninja - sneakiness is literally your job. Figure it out, kid!

(You could game it up by having achievements for arranging stable matches that will raise well-adjusted kids, and for finding spouses who will bring new martial techniques and magical secrets to the clan. Let’s face it, you could use help there, too - your clan’s ninjutsu is nearly as inbred as its family tree!)

im screamin like i literally cannot tell if these people are being facetious or not but either way,…… im lit’rally an american citizen of 0% british descent lmfao…….. the queen can kiss my ass, hell her whole inbred family can too, go cry about it

Other parts of the country and other countries: have normal creepy cryptids and folklore

Where I live in NY: has an actual compound of generations of inbred families that the police just tell people to stay away from because the residents throw rocks at outsiders called Oniontown

TERRIFYING TRUE STORIES

(From AskReddit)


  • DENTIST
    By Reddit user vuhleeitee
    When I was little, around 8, I hated going to the dentist, he always made me uncomfortable for some reason. I remember thinking his smile stretched too far and seemed forced, like clowns. Anyway, my mom always came with me, and went back so I wouldn’t be scared. One day, my dad had me (divorced parents), and had to take me to the dentist, but tried to make me go back alone so he could sit out in the lobby doing whatever. The assistants had to literally drag me back to the room and you could hear me screaming and crying down the hall, refusing to sit in the chair. Finally, my dad came back to get me, irritated I’d made a scene, he rescheduled my appointment to when my mom would have me, and we just left, he made a big deal about how bad I was acting and told my mom she was spoiling me and all sorts of shit.
    Two weeks later, it’s on the news that my dentist was charged with child pornography, after molesting children under anesthesia and photographing it.


  • DOLL
    By Reddit user SuicideSquad
    I was born and raised in North Dakota. Back when I was in HS, a group of us would research murders that occurred out in the county. We would then go out to find the scenes and film the exploration at night (this was about two years before Blair Witch) It was something to do while we got wasted on shitty beer and teenage bullshit. Eventually we ran out of places to go (ND = few people, few murders) and got really good at finding abandoned rural farmsteads by driving dirt roads and looking for the signs. Rut roads, deliberate tree groves, and old mailbox posts were common markers. We were out looking when we spotted a tree grove that was out of place (sure sign) and drove through the field and discovered an old (but not too old) house. It had padlocks on the outside doors that were knocked off pretty easily, we dispatched of them and entered the kitchen. There were six of us, all with flashlights, and we lit up the kitchen/dining area fairly easily. The table was the initial thing you noticed and it was strange because of how normal it looked. It was set for a meal and not a bowl was out of place. Only thing was, we’d been in dozens of these houses and place setttings were a first. Especially unbroken ones. As we investigated the area we found the fridge had the disgusting remnants of a full stock, and the cupboards were full of canned and dry foods. This was also a first. One guy found mail on the counter from early June 1978 and another found a creepy ass TV guide in the living room with UFO’s on the cover. All the family photos were hanging up. Mom, Dad, Bro and Sis in their 1970’s glory. Furniture was dusty, but in good condition. Closets were full. Everything was totally normal. Which was super abnormal. As we dug around the house, we all started to realize that this house had not been moved out of, it had been straight up abandoned. Imagine locking the door to your house and never coming back. That’s the state this house was in. Complete unplanned departure. We went upstairs and split into three pairs to check out the three rooms. Ours was the closest and obviously it was the younger boys room, I can’t describe what it looked like too well because almost right away from the hall, we heard the most fucking terrifying scream I’ve ever had the misfortune of hearing. We went running into the hallway and were all yelling questions at each other at the same time. After a few (really long) seconds the two screamers caught their breath and said “you have to go in and see.” Walking down the hall and through the doorway, I prayed I wouldn’t act like a pussy in front of my friends. I shouldn’t have been concerned because the others were as scared as I was. The room itself opened up to the left of the door-frame and centered on the right side of the room was a queenish sized bed. Propped up on pillows, with the blanket drawn to the waist, arms on top of the blanket, and worst of all, head turned slightly so it was looking you straight in the eyes when you entered the room was a life sized porcelain doll. Snow white skin, jet black hair, cold dead eyes. The dead eyes lit up with our flashlights. Like she was waiting for us. If the head hadn’t been turned I could excuse it, but it was turned. Ready for when we walked in. Ready for 20 years. Hasty fucking exits were made down the stairs and into the car. It was during the ride we started to get even more creeped out when we realized that even though the house had been abandoned, someone had taken the time to set up that goddamn doll. Not packing food, clothes, or family photos. Setting up the doll was one of the last things done in this house. We researched their names, but got nothing. No tragic car accident. No grisly massacre. No extended family. Just a tacky time-capsule in the middle of nowhere. We found out that the county had taken possession of the land for nonpayment of taxes, explaining the locks, but never tracked down anymore information on what happened to them. Or why they left that fucking doll.


  • WARNING
    By Reddit user brs677
    We were partying at a usual party spot by the river, and some dude came out of the woods. He just kept saying weird shit like “you gotta watch yourself down here,” “There are some bad folks around here” and when asked who he was he just said, “I’m nobody.” We were all a little sketched out, and basically told the guy to fuck off. A couple days later a girl went off the rope swing there and got really fucked up. Someone put fishing hooks all over the bottom of the rope swing and it took chunks of flesh out of her leg.
    Later we found out the dude was just a guy that lived nearby and although a creepy drunk, he was harmless. There was a fucked up, probably inbred family that lived up the road that he would warn people about. About 5 years later, last year, they beat some kid up with a log and kidnapped some girl at gunpoint and took her on a joy ride.


  • VISITOR
    By Redditt user so_so_so_bored
    Last year, a guy came to my house’s door around 9:00 at night. He knocked and I got my mom, and she went out to see what was up. By the way, we live in a very rural area, so visits that late are extremely uncommon and strange.The guy talked to my mom about how he was opening a business, asked whether she liked american-made products, then handed her a clorox container as a ‘sample.’ He went back to his minivan and opened it to get a 'vacuum cleaner’ when my mom saw five other men sitting inside. She told me to run and get my phone, since we don’t have a land line. I couldn’t find it, so I got my knife and stood around the corner. She threw the container outside and told them to get the hell off her property, as well as that she was calling the cops. They peeled out of the driveway and we never saw the car again.
    Two months later my mom found a single, bearded guy putting filled garbage bags by the back door. She asked him what the hell he was doing- he responded by saying “this is for your little girl” (my little sister). Again, she told him to get the hell out, then went through the bags.They were filled with garbage, dirty clothes, and empty tampon containers.


  • STABBING
    By Reddit user GrittySpice
    Working as a paramedic, I was dispatched to what went out as a simple assault call in a bad neighborhood. This was around 10 pm. We arrived at the address to find a man standing behind a row of parallel parked cars in front of his house, yelling in a strange high pitched voice. The police were trying to calm him down. Our first assumption walking up to him was that this was the guy who was injured, but once we got the gurney around the parked cars we saw what was really going on. A dead man was leaned up against a mini cooper, slouched in the gutter. I’ll never forget coming around the car to find him. There was this really unsettling moment that lasted about 2 seconds where I thought he was alive and staring at me, then realizing he was looking through me, then realizing he was dead. He was shirtless and had been stabbed multiple times. And these were brutal wounds. Most stabbings I’d seen up till that point seemed to be simple penetrations, but this guy’s chest and abdomen had been torn to shreds, it was nasty.The guy standing on the curb was yelling in that weird warbly voice, crying, asking if his roommate would be okay. We started CPR and scooped him up and took him to the hospital, knowing that there really was no chance for this guy. After the doctor pronounced him a couple of cops came over from the scene to square away business involving the victim. One of them really dropped a bomb on us. The story they had heard before our arrival was that the victim had left the house to have a smoke, and when his roommate came out to check on him, he found him stabbed to death outside. But after we left for the hospital, someone noticed a trail of blood leading from the house to the curb, implying that he had been stabbed inside. When the police confronted the roommate about this, he managed to run inside and barricade himself in house. There was actually a SWAT team over there dealing with the situation as we spoke. So anyway, the person who had most likely brutally murdered our patient that night had been standing there right behind me for most of the call. Pretty creepy.


  • NEIGHBORS
    By Reddit user Sweetdish
    A few years back I rented an apartment from a friend of mine. He had recently bought it and had it completely renovated. He put it up for sale but couldn’t find a buyer so I offered to rent it in the meantime.After moving in I realized there was something wrong with the lady next door. She was about 45 but looked much older. She would sit up all night listening to Christian radio shows and talking loudly to someone. It got to the point where I couldn’t sleep so I went over to her place and asked her to keep it down. She opened her door and I got a quick peak. Her walks all had crosses painted on them in different colors. And words like “Jesus” and “angels” scribbled everywhere. The windows were painted black letting no light in at all. It was damp, yellow stained 50 year old carpets, dog shit and cock roaches everywhere. No dog though.I asked her to please keep it down. She just looked at me and shut the door. Then she turned up the radio even louder.The next night I had my GF staying over. I wake up in the middle of the night and see a shadow of a person next to the bed looking at us sleeping. I think I’m hallucinating as I usually do in the dark when I’m sleepy. But then the shadow starts talking. It’s my neighbor and she’s holding something in her hand. She broke in during the night and who knows how long she stood there.“You should lock your door at night” she says and walks out.The next morning I hear someone making strange noises below my bedroom window. It’s my neighbor talking to herself in tongue. She has a plastic bag in her hand with her rotting dead dog inside. It’s hot as hell outside and I can smell death from the bag.At this point I’m scared shitless. Shes obviously very insane. I go upstairs and knock on another persons door and ask what the hell is going on. The guy is as scared as me. Apparently she broke into his apartment one evening as well while he was watching tv with his kids. He got up from the couch to get a snack only to find her behind the couch staring at him holding a power drill. (Now I know what was in her hand)At this stage I’m basically pooping myself. I call the cops and they know all about her. Apparently she is a violent schizo and she hasn’t taken her meds. But they can’t force her or enter her apartment w/o her permission because she owns it. The only thing they can do is get her when she goes outside. I sit up for the next two days waiting for her to run out of cigarettes. When I hear her leave at 2am to go across the road to the 7-eleven I call the cops. They have 3 cars and a special van over in less than 2 minutes. They restrain her and throw her in the van and drive off to some institution and in less than a minute it’s like she was never there.I never see her again. Still have nightmares about her looking at me in my sleep.


  • INTRUDERS
    By Reddit user wordsfromlee
    This happened to a friend of mines house mate during their time at university. It was at the house she lived in before moving in with my friend after this event occurred. During her second year at university she lived in a house with three other people. At Easter, everyone went back home to their parents for the Easter holidays. Her first night back after returning from the Easter break she woke up in the morning to find some things moved about in her bedroom. She thought nothing of it and put it down to moving it herself the night before and not remembering. She woke up the next morning to more stuff moved around. Like her TV and chair etc. she started to get a bit scared and told her house mates to quit moving her stuff about as it wasn’t funny and very creepy. They all said they didn’t touch anything. The next morning even more stuff had been moved and she started to get very worried. Again, she told her house mate to stop but they swore they haven’t touched anything and were getting very concerned themselves. The fourth night she woke up during the middle of the night. She looked over and in the darkness she could see a figure sitting at her desk. She freaked the fuck out, ran out of the room, locked the door and called the police. The police turn up and they unlock the door. Sure enough, there is a guy there, probably early 20s, sitting at her desk. Calm as anything. The police arrest him and take him away. A couple of days later they find out that the guy was actually a mentally handicapped person who lived at a care home not far down the road. His mother had looked after him until her death a year or so earlier when he was then moved into the home. He’d been a missing person for a few weeks and it turned out that the house this girl and her friends lived in used to be his and his mothers house. In particular, her bedroom used to be his. He eventually told the police that when he ran away from the home, his old house was where he went to. He managed to get in somehow and spent the whole time there. Two and a half weeks. Sleeping under the girls bed. Coming out at night while she slept to move her stuff so it was like how he had it when it was his bedroom.


  • GUARDIAN
    By Reddit user Darkest-timeline
    It was very early morning/late at night, whatever you wanna call it. Around 5am, still dark. My dad and brother and I were in the car, driving to the mosque. On the way there, there’s this dimly lit road, with a forest on both sides, and a bend that made it difficult to see. Bear in mind this isn’t a residential area, there isn’t even a sidewalk and the nearest intersection is a good kilometer either way. So we’re driving, we get to this bend, and just before it we see a figure sort of waving us down. They were dressed kinda odd, but I figured it was some sort of running outfit. I don’t wanna say it was glowing or reflective cause I don’t fully remember, but it just made me assume it was some sort of running outfit. Couldn’t make out his face, or anything about him other then his clothing. So he’s waving us down dramatically, my dad slows down but doesn’t really think anything of it. As we turn along the road, we see a car like right freaking there. It was just out of view before the curve in the road, so we would have definitely hit it if my dad didn’t slow down. Dad stops, quickly checks on the driver of the car to make sure he’s okay, then doubles back for some reason, maybe to thank the guy who warned us. He drove back quite a ways. No one, on either side of the road. It was about 60 seconds from initially seeing the guy to turning around to where he was, no time for him to really go anywhere.

  • GARBAGE BAGS
    By Reddit user DAMNATiON182
    About 6 years ago, I was in my final year of high school and due to the weird timetable that 12th grade had at my school, we regularly had 2+ hour breaks between classes, early finishes, and longer lunch breaks. My house was about a 20 minute walk away from school, and I would usually just walk home either by myself or with a friend and chill until we had to head back.My school was located on the outskirts of the city, and my house a little bit further out. I lived on about 40 acres on a dirt road. Along the dirt road, I had been passing a really foul smell about 5 minutes away from my house. I couldn’t tell where the smell was coming from, but it was definitely close to the road. I had passed this smell about 4 times over roughly a week of school but figured it was a dead animal due to the area.After an exam, I was walking home with a friend and the smell was worse than ever, so as you do, we decided to walk into the grass to search for whatever the smell was. We ended up finding a black garbage bag that was completely blown up like a balloon about 5 meters from the road. As a joke, I threw a rock at it and it popped and shot out this foul white goo and immediately, my friend and I started dry-reaching. We ran away as fast as we could, laughing and vomiting, back home to my place. I didn’t think anything of it as I figured it was a cat or something that someone had dumped.I remember walking back from school the next week, by myself, and there were mounted police on their horses walking down the road slowly, and near one of the entrances to my property, there was a dog squad with sniffer dogs walking around. I didn’t take much notice of all the police and what they were doing, but literally as soon as I got closer to the area that we had found the bag, I had a sinking feeling in my stomach and I thought “Oh shit…”. The bag ended up being the body of a girl who had been murdered and was dumped along the fence-line of my property. I still feel sick when I think about it.


  • BACKWOODS
    By Reddit user apropos_cluster
    I was in Minot, ND with my old band. Our tour van blew a head gasket and we were stuck there for a few days. Everyone was tired on day 2, but I was wide awake. I walk for a bit and make it to some scummy bar. I’m obviously not from around there, and nobody is saying a word to me. After 2 beers, I start to get a tad nauseous and dizzy. I put my head in my hand and try to let it pass, but it keeps getting worse. Suddenly, a voice says “you’ll feel pain tonight”. I jump and look up and a tall roughly 40 year old man is walking to the bathroom, turns back and glances at me. I called my friends and got the fuck out of there. I slept for 12-13 hours and felt awful/loopy the next day. I was roofied.


  • STRANGER
    By Reddit user TummySticksss
    I lived in a small college town and my apartment complex was walking distance from the bar/downtown area. One weekday night, I stepped out on our front porch to smoke a cigarette or two (I was up late studying). I brought my text book with me and sat down on the stairs while I smoked. A girl, who I had never met but who lived one apartment over but down on the ground floor, came home from downtown. She was by herself and you could tell from her walk she had been drinking. She got in her apartment and barely got the door closed before some guy, who came out of nowhere, knocked on her door. She opened and I noticed he introduced himself, which was weird because it was after 2:30 am, who comes to a strange girl’s apartment at that time? So I decide to stay outside and pay attention. They ended up talking for over ten minutes, she later acknowledged how weird the situation was but did not know how to end the conversation. He would do the creepiest things, like he reached up and stroked her hair at least three times, and would try and slowly inch his way closer to her and the door. I made a point of being loud with my textbook so he would know I was there and he disappeared as eerily as he had come. We called the cops, and days later they had the girl and me sit with a sketch artist. As soon as the sketch was made public, floods of calls came in. Guy turned out to be a serial rapist who followed lone girls home from bars and pretended to be a cab offering them a ride. This girl just got lucky because she lived so close to the bars, he didn’t get a chance to pull the cab routine.

anonymous asked:

When I pointed out to an sjw that being nasty and treating allies/potential allies like trash is only going to turn people off and does nothing to help anybody , the sjw called me a tone policer and said that she doesn't have to be nice to allies and that if a person was turned off by being treated like crap then they were never really an ally in the first place.

Fuck you, you fucking piece of shit goy cunt. I fucking hate you, every member of your shitty inbred family and all of your shitty bastard friends. Every last one of you. Go fuck yourselves. You have it easy. I don’t care about your whiny little “problems.” Oh, boo hoo, you’re having a tough time. You have no idea what I go through. And you want me to care, when I’m the victim here? I don’t fucking think so.

By the way, I need you to help me with antisemitism and tell everyone that you love and support me. And if anyone’s ever awful to me, I need you to jump straight away to protect me. You have to shut up and do exactly as I tell you all the time, and if you don’t, you’re even more of a fucking asshole than I already think you are.

…Obviously you wouldn’t exactly be keen on helping me if I said that in all seriousness, treating you badly and then demanding your time and energy to assist me. I have no idea how these people don’t understand that.

If you want allies, you have to encourage them to support you so that you can work together as equals. “Allies” means “allies” not “mindless drones.”

New England Gothic, like other manifestations of the American Gothic, encompasses supernatural and explained phenomena, ghosts, witches, and monsters as well as inbred families, guilty secrets, and monsters in human shape. New England’s Gothic history, folklore, and literature combine nostalgia for a medieval or colonial golden age with the stronger belief that from the past comes horror and evil. Stephen King, the exemplar of Gothic New England since the 1970s, continues the tradition of collecting and rewriting supernatural legends begun by Cotton Mather and John Greenleaf Whittier. Nineteenth-century authors such as Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Nathaniel Hawthorne, and Harriet Beecher Stowe immortalized the region’s Gothic past. In the twentieth century, Rhode Island’s H. P. Lovecraft peopled the landscape with hybrid monsters and the reanimated dead. For these writers, seventeenth-century Puritans stand in for the Middle Ages of the first Gothic Revival.
—  Faye Ringel on New England Gothic
31 Days of Halloween: Day 16-18

The Hills Have Eyes (1977)

I will admit, even being the horror film junkie I am, I saw the remake before seeing the original and I wish I had not. I feel like i would have loved it a lot more if it was original to me. Regardless it is a great film and I like the whole inbred family look way more than the mutant freaks like in the remake.


Dark Night of the Scarecrow (1981)

This movie is actually the first horror film to feature a killer scarecrow. This is one of my favorite horror films of all time, it’s just such a great movie. I don’t even want to spoil anything about it because if you haven’t seen it you need to.


Chopping Mall (1986)

I first watched this movie on HBO I think. I think I was around 9 years old when I saw it, and I fell in love with this movie. I watched it at any chance I could. For some reason I am obsessed with horror movies or movies in general that are set in a mall. This being my favorite. Plus it features the second best head explosion in a horror film with Scanners being the best.

Creepypasta #457: Underground Families

The Shadow Web is the side of the internet that can’t be found using typical search engines, but instead can only be accessed using downloaded programs that grant you anonymity. It contains some of the sickest filth you could ever (and not ever) imagine, and is the topic of this traumatic tale.

*The Hidden Wiki is a Shadow Web site that informs you of many of the different, sick sites the Shadow Web has to offer.

I explored the Shadow Web once.

Getting there was difficult. All the programs that let you run around on the web anonymously have rather convoluted installation instructions, and I’m not the tech-savviest type, so it was a struggle. But after a few frustrating hours, I managed to do it.

My first stop was, no doubt, the coveted Hidden Wiki*. You hear about it all the time, and it really makes you curious to see it for yourself. People talk about how sick it is- how you need to be extremely careful of what you click. They’re 100% right. I avoided so much, but still would wind up seeing an image or an article I really hadn’t wanted to see. Things that no one should see. Disgusting, pure evil things that shouldn’t exist. I’d been on the Shadow Web for ten minutes and was already expecting the FBI pounding on my door, and here my only crime was curiosity.

Weird comparison, I know, but the Shadow Web is sort of like doing drugs. You’re alarmingly paranoid at first, constantly questioning your actions. Hell, my friend called me while I was on it and I about had a heart attack I was so sure it was the police.

But after a while, you sort of relax a little. Feel a little more confident. After a few days of being the most cautious I’ve ever been in my life, I started feeling more… adventurous. Started clicking links and exploring the interesting-looking sites. Human experiments, killers-for-hire, black market sites… Seems weird to explore these sites, I know. But the sites are so cheesy half the time, it’s hard to believe they’re real. You can find half these websites on the normal web, too. They’re pretty much always fake.

I completely avoided porn links. There are so many sick, sick sites featuring minors- the Shadow Web is where pedophiles get their endless supply of child porn, after all. Even porn sites claiming to feature only people 18+, I simply didn’t risk. I didn’t risk most of the snuff film sites, either. Though I admit I did watch a video or two, purely out of curiosity. (Worst decision ever. Don’t watch them.)

It’s when several weeks of regular Shadow Web access had passed that I began feeling extremely confident. I’d gotten to a point where I could easily and automatically avoid links I knew led to bad things. I’d explored a few seriously gruesome sites, with no police visits. I was cocky. I was curious.

I joined a forum.

It was a pretty tame forum, compared to the others I’d stumbled across. This one was for, as they called themselves, “Underground Families.” Literally, it was a ton of people who lived underground or in completely isolated areas with their families, all over the world. And they weren’t like the backwoods inbred families you see in horror movies, or giant religious communities like the one discovered in Texas. Most of these families were pretty small in numbers, usually living in some warehouse or basement, or even a normal house, in some cases. What brought them together was that they never left their homes… ever. They were living completely secluded lives- only socializing with their own family and the people on this forum.

There was no talk of torture or human trafficking or kidnapping. No talk of murder or inbreeding. Seriously, they appeared to be totally normal families, who honest to God just wanted to live alone. Stay “off the grid” so to speak. Really not all that weird or uncommon, actually.

I’d joined the forum purely for access to the all the topics (you had to be a registered user to view them.) I wasn’t planning on talking to anyone.
But one user caught my eye. He seemed to be extremely popular on the site; he’d posted several threads, and had way more thread views and replies than most of the others. He replied to everyone- even silly remarks you’d think would have gotten lost in such heavily populated threads.

Not wanting to bring attention to myself (the community was actually a decent size, but I still felt like they’d easily sniff out a newbie like me and begin questioning my authenticity), I messaged him privately.

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Dandy Mott - Weirdly Attractive Villains #13

Hey, there, friends. How have you been? That’s great! How’s Aunt Hilda? And the farm? Swell, just swell. 

For our thirteenth entry into the WAV series, (appropriately presented to you on the thirteenth of January, I might add,) I’ve selected the singular, sultry, and scary: Finn Wittrock as Dandy Mott from American Horror Story: Freakshow! 

Oh my God, yes. 

Okay, so, unless you’ve been living under a rock since last October, this season of AHS has featured most of the cast usuals, homoerotic cover-ups, murder, sex, revenge, a plethora of freaks, a horrifying (and misunderstood) clown, and this sexy motherfucker. 

- YARRR! THAR BE SPOILERS AHEAD! -

Dandy is an extremely deranged individual, a trait which it is implied has also been seen in his father, (and also due to the fact that his family is inbred as fuck.) Dandy also enjoys killing things. Any things. Cats, women, men, Patti LaBelle, etc….

But more on that later. 

So, why should you love Dandy?

Well, to start, he’s a snappy dresser. The man may drink cognac from a baby bottle and throw tantrums like a spoiled man-child, but he’s got a flair that can only come from twenty-some years of coddling and brooding. 

Pictured: Dandy’s determined face as he gets ready for your date. 

And speaking of dates, Dandy’s family may have married and fucked each other to keep the money in the family, but he’s got tons of it. Enough to keep the police on his side and fuck up life for everything that ever pissed him off. 

So your dates’d be pretty fucking swanky. 

Yes, Dandy. Wherever you want. 

His childlike whimsy would make every date an adventure. 

And also, Dandy’s already killed his mother, so there’s no weird mother-son relationship to interfere with you and Dandy. 

Dandy is often filled with joy, especially when he gets his own way. He revels in things that make him truly happy, and he has a long list of passions that give his life meaning. And that’s the kind of positivity that you need in your life. On the other end, Dandy can often be a little erratic, but that’d be the perf time for you two to relax together. 

He could even start his own line of bath bombs or something. 

As a result of his fine upbringing, Dandy has an elegant prose, which could easily talk the underpants off of any woman he chooses. 

Please continue to speak to me, you glorious person. 

Dandy’s not only a scary fucking murderer, he’s also got a sensitive side. He tried to date the twins, Bette and Dot. And although that didn’t pan out well for the three of them, he still mourned the loss of their love and took revenge on the people who fucked it up for him. 

And Dandy’s a very positive person. He truly believes in his abilities to be the best at what he does, even if that means he’s gonna be the sexiest, most fashion-forward murderer in the entirety of the Floridian Peninsula. He believes in pushing forward with his desires, and plans for the future, or at least as far as he cares to plan. 

You’re my future. 

And finally: 

A man who chases down escaped victims has to stay in shaaaaaaaaa

Dat ass.

[Whispers seductively] I am yourrrrs, Dandy.

There’s nothing that can follow up that view, so I’m gonna stop now before I lose my ability to typE corrRrectL

Ladies and gentlemen, Dandy Mott. 

That smile. That sweaty sheen…UNF.