in your interests

psychic: *reads my mind*

me: *Please pull a reverse Stop It Please pull a reverse Stop It Please pull a reverse Stop It Please pull a reverse Stop It Please pull a reverse Stop It Please pull a reverse Stop It Please pull a reverse Stop It Please pull a reverse Stop It Please pull a reverse Stop It Please pull a reverse Stop It Please pull a reverse Stop It Please pull a reverse Stop It Please pull a reverse Stop It Please pull a reverse Stop It Please pull a reverse Stop It Please pull a reverse Stop It Please pull a reverse Stop It Please pull a reverse Stop It Please pull a reverse Stop It Please pull a reverse Stop It Please pull a reverse Stop It Please pull a reverse Stop It Please pull a reverse Stop It Please pull a reverse Stop It Please*

psyhic: YES

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from fanfiction, it’s that if you happen to find yourself falling in love with two people simultaneously, you should never downplay your feelings about one in front of the other, due to the surprisingly likely coincidence that one of them happens to be the other one in disguise.

One evening, the Maple Bay police station receives a call about a break and entry. It’s at the local church, the caller says.

The officers arrive at the scene to find the burglar lying on their side on the church stoop. They’re already restrained by an… elaborate rope harness.

Joseph Christiansen stands beside the wriggling person, hands clasped behind his back, innocently whistling the chorus of Margaritaville.