in which i am a failure at everything

Female Characters to Avoid in your Writing:  An Illustrated Guide.

1.  The Bella Swan (i.e. the blank sheet of paper)

Who she is:

In Twilight, Bella has absolutely no qualities that make her interesting as a character.  She’s shown to have very little personality, in the books or onscreen, and is only made “interesting” (a relative term here) via the inclusion of her sparkly, abusive boyfriend.  It feeds into the harmful mentality of adolescent girls that you need a significant other in order to find fulfillment, particularly if he’s significantly older and likes to watch you sleep.  Yikes.


Bella is welcomed to school by a friendly, extroverted girl and given a place to sit amongst her and her friends.  Despite this girl’s kindness, Bella shrugs her off as a stereotypical shallow cheerleader, and spends her time staring wistfully at the guy across the cafeteria from them.  Once Edward becomes her official boyfriend, she immediately loses interest in her new friends as her life shifts its orbit to revolve completely around him. 

How to avoid her:

  • Female characters are allowed to have lives outside of their significant others.  They’re allowed to have friends, quirks, hobbies, and interests.  Give them some
  • The best fictional relationships are based off of characters who compliment each other, not one character who revolves around the other.  Make sure your female character’s life does not centralize around her significant other.
  • Strong female characters don’t look down on other girls, even if they are outgoing cheerleaders.  Being pasty and introverted doesn’t make you a better person, y’all – if it did, I’d be a decorated hero by now.
  • Give them aspirations besides getting an obsessive, much-older boyfriend.  In fact, don’t give them an obsessive, much-older boyfriend at all – if you do want them to have a significant other, give them one who cares about their interests and accepts that they have lives and goals outside of them.

2.  The Molly Hooper (i.e. the starry-eyed punching bag)

Who she is:

 Like most things about BBC’s Sherlock, Molly was an amazing concept that went progressively downhill.  I used to love her quiet tenacity and emotional intelligence, and was sure that with her strong basis as a character, she would overcome her infatuation with the titular Sherlock and find self-fulfillment.  Nope!


She remained stubbornly infatuated over the course of five years with an ambiguously gay man who, en large, treated her badly, leading to her public humiliation with zero pertinence to the plot or resolution.  Moreover, her infatuation with Sherlock quickly usurped almost all of her other characteristics, leading her to an increasingly immature characterization that was difficult to relate to.

How to avoid her:

  • By all means, please write female characters who are quiet, kind, and unassuming (a female character does not, contrary to popular belief, need to be rambunctious, callous, or violent to be “strong”) but remember than none of these traits need to make the character a pushover.  Let them stand their ground.
  • Similarly, attraction to men (or anyone, for that matter) does not invalidate a female character’s strength.  Just be sure she values herself more than their attention.
  • As I said earlier, don’t be afraid to make characters who are gentle and soft-spoken, but be wary of making them “childlike,” or giving them an infantile, emotionally characterization.
  • My best advice for writing gentle, soft-spoken, unassuming women would actually to look to male characters in the media fitting this description; since male characters are rarely infantilized as much as women are by popular media, you’ll get a much better idea of what a well-rounded character looks like. 

3.  The Irene Adler (i.e. the defanged badass)  

Who she is: 

Yup, another one of the BBC Sherlock women, among whom only Mrs. Hudson seemed to come through with her dignity and characterization intact.  In the books, Irene and Sherlock have absolutely zero romantic connotations, only bonded via Sherlock’s irritation and respect with her substantial intelligence.  In the show, it’s a different story entirely. 


Irene is a badass character who’s turned into a teary-eyed Damsel in Distress via her uncontrollable love for the show’s male lead.  It doesn’t help matters that she’s a self-proclaimed lesbian who falls in love with a man, which, unless you’re a woman who loves women yourself and writing about a character realizing she’s bi/pansexual, I would recommend against doing under any circumstances.  She ends up being defeated and subsequently rescued by Sherlock – a far cry from her defeat of him in the books. 

How to avoid her:

  • If you’re writing a badass female character, allow her to actually be badass, and allow her to actually show it throughout your work as opposed to just hearing other characters say it.  And one punch or kick isn’t enough, either:  I want to see this chick jump out of planes.
  • That said, “badass” does not equal emotionally callous.  It doesn’t bother me that Moffat showed Irene having feelings for someone else, what bothers me is how he went about it. 
  • When writing a character who’s shown to be attracted to more than one gender, just say she’s bisexual.  Pansexual.  Whatever, just don’t call her straight/gay depending on the situation she’s in.  Jesus.

4.  The Becky (i.e. the comedic rapist) 

Who she is: 

Most people who know me can vouch for my adoration of Supernatural, but it definitely has its problems:  it’s not as diverse as it could be, its treatment of women is subpar, and yes, there is some thinly veiled sexual violence:  all three of its leading characters have dealt with it at one point of another (Dean is routinely groped by female demons, a virginal Castiel was sexually taken advantage of by a disguised reaper, and the whole concept of sex under demonic possession is iffy to say the least.)  It’s rarely ever addressed afterwards, and is commonly used for comedic fodder.  Possibly the most quintessential example of this is Becky.


Becky abducts Sam, ties him to the bed, and kisses him against his will.  She then drugs him, albeit with a love potion, and is implied to have had sex with him under its influence. 

How to avoid her:

  • Male rape isn’t funny, y’all.  Media still takes rape against women a lot more seriously than rape against men, particularly female-on-male rape, and I can assure you its not.
  • Educate yourself on statistics for male sexual assault:  approximately thirty-eight percent of sexual violence survivors are male, for example, and approximately one in sixteen male college students has reported to have experienced sexual assault. 
  • Moreover, be aware that forty-six percent of all instances of male rape have a female perpetrator.
  • Read more here in this amazing article:
  • In other words, treat themes of sexual assault against men as seriously as you would treat themes of sexual assault against women.       

5.  The Movie Hermione (i.e. the flawless superhuman) 

Who she is: 

Okay, in and of herself, Movie Hermione is amazing:  she’s beautiful, intelligent, and heroic, as well as possibly the most useful character of the franchise.  She only bothers me in context of the fact that she takes away everything I loved most about Book Hermoine, and everything I loved about Book Ron, too.   


Book Hermione was beautiful, but not conventionally:  she had big, poofy curls, big teeth, and didn’t put a lot of effort into maintaining her appearance.  Movie Hermione looks effortlessly flawless, all the time.  Book Hermione was intelligent, but also loud, abrasive, and unintentionally annoying when talking about her interests (which meant a lot to me, because as a kid on the Asperger’s spectrum, I frequently was/am that way myself – it was nice to see a character struggling with the same traits).  She was also allowed to have flaws, such as struggling to keep up with academia, and being terrified of failure.  

Movie Hermione also took all of Ron’s redeeming qualities, and everything that made him compliment her as a couple:  his street smarts used to compliment her academic intelligence, for example, staying calm while she panicked in the Philosopher’s Stone when they were being overcome with vines.  He also stood up for her in the books against Snape, as opposed to the jerkish “he’s right, you know.”     

How to avoid her:

  • Allow your female characters to have flaws, as much so as any well-rounded male character.  Just be sure to counterbalance them with a suitable amount of redeeming qualities.  This will make your female character well-rounded, dynamic, and easy to get invested in.
  • There’s no reason for your female characters to always look perfect.  Sure, they can be stunningly gorgeous (particularly if their appearance is important to them), but it’s physical imperfections that make characters fun to imagine:  Harry’s scar and wild hair, for example.  Female characters are no different. 
  • If you’re writing a female character to have an eventual love interest, allow their personalities to compliment one another.  Allow the love interest to have qualities that the female character is lacking, so that they can compliment one another and have better chemistry. 
  • Basically, write your female characters as people. 

Check out my list of male characters to avoid here:

God willing, I will be publishing essays like this approximately every Friday, so be sure to follow my blog and stay tuned for future writing advice and observations!

I need a little help

Art Design is my major. I’m starting my art classes that i need for this major. The total of all of the supplies i need is around 350 dollars. I dont have this kind of money. I only had enough to pay for my tuition that doesn’t even include my books. I do have a job but I am a full time student so that doesn’t leave me much time to work right now, along with having mental illness and I have bills I need to pay. I’ve tried to buy the more expensive things, so I have already spent 90 dollars on some of the supplies. I guess what I am asking is to please just look at this list. Everything on this list i absolutely, 100% need in order to take this class. All that is needed is to add the item to your cart and pick the address it gives you, which is mine, and I would get the supplies. Even reblogging this will help me a lot. I’m so so so sorry I even have to ask for help, I feel like such a failure. Please don’t hate me or send me hate. 

andriseup  asked:

AU where the Galra invaded earth immediately after Shiro's escape?

I read ‘Shiro’s escape’ as ‘from the Garrison’ instead of ‘from the Galra’, which is my bad.  So this happens after the gang have already vamoosed with the Blue Lion.

(also thank you for this opportunity)

I) Colleen Holt has already lost too much.

She lost her husband and son in one fell swoop, in one awful phone call, in one news report.  Mission Failure.  Pilot Error.  ‘I’m sorry, Ma’am.’

Two words, and two-thirds of her family was gone.  Just gone.  Nothing to do, no bodies to identify, no one to bury.

No closer.

She lost her daughter shortly after, to furious rants and steadfast denial.  Colleen tried everything to help Katie, to help her in this new, terrible world.  But then she vanished.

And Colleen was alone.

Colleen guards what she had left.  The home her family had lived in, the dog they’d raised since he was a puppy, the routines and rituals she could manage on her own.

So much was gone.

Colleen didn’t think she had anything left to lose.

Until the aliens came.

(read more below)

Keep reading

“The storm catches everyone, eventually. Does it matter?”

I frequently think about what matters to me the most: my kids, my family, my home. In my depression I wonder whether the work will really amount to anything, whether I’m ever doing enough. I’m tough, but life is tougher. The storm caught Fleet, in the story Kaladin tells to Wit, though he ran as fast and as hard as he could.

Like Kaladin, I focus on that part, weighing the meaning of the story against its outcome. Fleet could never outrun the storm. He wasn’t good enough, not fast enough.

Then, what was the point? Was any of it worth it?

What I think Wit is saying (as if it’s actually ever straightforward or simple, but let’s pretend for a moment) is that the end actually doesn’t matter. No one outruns death. As Death says in Neil Gaiman’s Sandman, “You lived what anybody gets…You got a lifetime. No more. No less.”

We know what will happen. The storm comes. Death (or hardship, if you prefer) comes for everyone. But does that equal defeat?

I think Wit was trying to tell Kaladin what he knows but has not yet absorbed: Life before death. Strength before weakness. Journey before destination.

Life is hard. Life kicks your butt. But life is about what you do, the experience of living it, not how it ends or that it ends. It’s made up of the journey and not the arrival. If Fleet had decided that he wouldn’t run unless he knew he could have everything he wanted by the end, he wouldn’t have started.

I realized recently that my all-or-nothing, black-and-white thinking defeats me in a different way than I had imagined: there is no achieving perfection - that’s a false ideal. I will never be able to make the perfect series of choices and enjoy a perfect life. But I am able to end up with the ‘nothing,’ if I despair enough and give up. Against my intuition, happiness is in the grey areas: not the white, which is impossible, or the black, which is failure. It’s in between. It’s being alright with not getting everything you want. That doesn’t mean that you don’t live or enjoy or use your strengths. You fling yourself against the rocks of life and you don’t ask the cost.

The point of Fleet’s race was not to win; the point was to RUN.

Journey before destination.

Keep running.

anonymous asked:

crossroads 3????????

If anyone’s wondering why my askbox is closed, it’s because of asks like this. 

I’m really not in a good place right now which is why I chose not to post anymore for a while. I feel like I’m shutting down and I need to do something about it before I snap, I need to do some things for myself and try to change. 

I am posting this because I want to say thank you to everyone who’s sent me positive supportive messages, I appreciate every single one of you so much more than I can explain. You guys make me feel like I’m not a complete failure at everything and I’m always amazed by the fact that there are people out there who read my stories and who like reading them as much as I like writing them, and it really means the world to me.

I logged on this morning and I teared up reading your asks. Thank you for caring about me even though you don’t know me, you make me believe that there are still so many good people out there. 

And then I saw this ask and it made me cry because I realized that to some people I’m obviously just a machine that’s there to please them and the fact that I’m going through something doesn’t mean shit, all that matters is if I’ll update this story or not. This isn’t meant to shade or hurt the person who sent this, I know you meant nothing bad by this, but I’m in such a place right now that I take everything to heart.

I love reading your asks but I closed the askbox because right now I feel like shit and I don’t want to see anything like this in my inbox when I log on, it just brings me down and adds to my horrible feelings.

I love you all and I hope you’re doing fine! I am still writing because writing makes me feel better, it’s my reward for getting through the day, honestly. I promised the two updates and I will deliver on that on those dates, and hopefully I’ll feel bettter about everything by then. Take care, boos! ♡. .

That Didn’t Just Happen

A/N: An anon request where Spencer has a wet dream about the reader. I’m gonna have them both be in college and of high school age because I haven’t been able to write teen Spencer in a while. @coveofmemories @sexualemobitch @jamiemelyn


The breath that hung between them skirted over his lips, leaving him wanting more. Friends for ages, his feelings had built up for her to the point of explosion. And now here he was, lips floating a hair’s breath away from hers as he ran her hands under his shirt. “I’ve wanted you for so long,” he whispered, thankful to see a small smile creep across her face.

“I’m here,” she spoke softly, her fingernails grazing over the lithe muscles of his torso. “There’s no one else I want.” Finally, after what felt like an eternity, she brought her hands to his face and pulled him in, their lips coming together in a storm of sparks. She leaned into his body and ran her hands through his hair as his tongue explored her mouth. 

It was everything he ever wanted a kiss with Y/N to be. A sheen of sweat formed across the entirety of his body as she molded herself to him and the fell the floor in a pile of limbs. “Who knew my best friend Spencer Reid was such a good kisser?” she breathed. He was so nervous, so to hear that he wasn’t a complete failure in that department made him breathe a sigh of relief.

When he placed his hands underneath her shirt, she gasped, which made him pull away. “Sorry, am I moving too fast?” he asked.

“No.” She reached down and pulled off her shirt, leaving herself in a nude-colored lace bra that left very little to Spencer’s already overactive imagination. “I’m yours, Spencer.”

Taking care to cherish every moment, he slid his hands underneath her bra and grazed her nipples…

And now he was awake. “Fuck,” he breathed. Had he seriously just had a wet dream? Was that actually a thing that happened? Did he legitimately have a sex dream about his best friend and wake up to THIS?! 

As he pushed off the bed, he realized that he had, in fact, had a sex dream about his best friend. Quickly, he discarded his boxers and hopped into the shower, cleaning away the evidence of that embarrassing incident. He was still sensitive. Running his hands over his length to clean himself off, he hissed at the friction. Given that he’d come in his sleep, he didn’t even get to enjoy it, and that pissed him off. 

Hey, Spence. We meeting up to study this morning?

Oh crap. He forgot they were supposed to meet up to steady for a chemistry test. Now all he was going to be doing was thinking about what had gone on in his head last night.

Oh yea, I actually kind of forgot, but I’m still good to go. You want me to bring you a coffee from the cafe?

For some reason, the gesture, which normally seemed just nice, took on a different meaning. It felt more like something a boyfriend would do. He shook his head. I have to get this out of my head. But apparently life had other plans.

Yes, please! Maybe a scone? I’m hungry and I slept through my alarm.

Quickly, he texted back and told her he’d pick up her normal coffee order with a blueberry scone. She’d texted back that he was amazing, and she didn’t know what she did to deserve him, and she didn’t know what she’d do without him, which did absolutely nothing to soothe the raging hard-on he still had. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.”

I better go grab this now before I crawl back into bed and pretend today never happened.


After waiting in line for 20 minutes for their coffee and scones, Spencer made his way to the library where he was supposed to be meeting Y/N. The second he walked in and saw her, he knew it was going to be a difficult day.  

She was already knee-deep in textbooks, flipping through pages in a frenzy, desperate to retain what she needed to remember, which really was funny to him, because like him, Y/N didn’t need to bust her ass to make good grades. He hadn’t realized he’d been holding his breath. She was so beautiful, dressed in form-fitting blue jeans, a baggy t-shirt and sneakers. When she bent over to grab another book, he could see that she was wearing a very flimsy bra, much like the one he’d imagined in his sleep. “Hey, Spence, what’cha looking at?”

Oh fuck. “Nothing, just searching around for you. I’m still in a coma. I could sleep for a week.”

“Me too,” she laughed. He passed her the scone and coffee, which she took with a smile. He could literally watch her smile forever. It was one of the most beautiful things he’d ever seen. “Oh my god, thank you,” she said, taking an enormous bite of her scone. That was another thing he loved about her. She was beautiful and didn’t need to try and keep up appearances by eating delicately or dressing a specific way; she was just her, and she was all the more beautiful for it. 

With food in their stomachs, Spencer and Y/N got to studying, but Spencer was only half paying attention. Either way he’d ace the test, so it didn’t really matter. It seemed like hours had passed, but only because he was constantly getting lost in her effortless beauty. “Hey, Spence,” she said as she snapped her fingers in front of his face, “you okay?”

“Yea, I’m fine,” he swallowed. He shook his head and looked down at his book in vain. It all looked like Greek to him right now. “Just tired.”

She closed her book and pushed back in her chair. “You’re lying,” she replied as she crossed her arms. “What’s wrong?”

He hesitated. Was he really going to tell her? Well, not of what happened this morning…THAT definitely wasn’t happening, but was he actually going to tell her how he felt after all these years. “It’s nothing really,” he said, “I’ve just been thinking a lot lately.”

“About what?” she asked genuinely. There was a hesitancy in her eyes that made him wonder if she’d thought about him too, but he didn’t think that was actually possible. She was so effortlessly gorgeous and free-spirited, and he was, well, he was Spencer. 

“I like you.” He spoke down to the table because he couldn’t bear to meet her eyes. He’d undoubtedly see something he wasn’t prepared for. “I’ve liked you for years, and I just can’t stop…” He buried his head in his hands and trailed off. 

A small gasp escaped her. “Really? Like, you like me…romantically?”

With his head still in his hands, he nodded, and then out of nowhere, he felt her hand on his. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked. 

“You’re my best friend,” he replied. “I didn’t want to ruin our friendship if you didn’t feel the same way, which I doubt that you do. I was scared to say anything honestly.”

Her smile wasn’t easy to decipher. It was somehow full of pity and yet full of false hope. “You never have to be scared to tell me anything, Spence.” As she stood up from the chair and leaned over, he had to pinch himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming again, but he wasn’t. This time, when her lips touched his, the sparks still there, he knew they were real.


So the other day when my FIL was givig Kiddo and me a lift into town to buy school uniform and such Kiddo started talking about how they want to be an inventor.

And I said “You know what would probably help with that? Engineering. It’s a lot of maths and hard work but I know you could do it” 

Kiddo was all “You had me at Maths.”

But FIL started going on about how “inventors” need to experience life and I know he was trying to be encouraging but I know my kid (we’re a lot a like) and what it was sounding like was “which you can’t do”

Whenever I shared my dreams as a kid I’d be told how hard it would be do accomplish and in my head there was always the addition: “and you can’t do it” 

It dragged me down.

I’m all for telling kids that dreams need work but then tell them that they can do that work.

So this is what I said to Kiddo after we got out of the work.

“You’ll need four things to be an inventor. You need to know a lot about life which is fine for you because you’re interested in everything” (I am!) “You need maths which is you’re great at” (I’m the best at maths!) “and you need to be willing to work very hard which I know you can do and you need to keep picking yourself up from failures and trying again. Which I know you’re able to do. You can keep trying until you’ve perfected your machine” (Yes I can and I will!)

Kiddo left that conversation with a better understanding that being an inventor isn’t an easy task but fired up to do it. 

That’s how you encourage. Say it will be hard work and then say that you know they can do it have NO doubt. Believe in them and tell them that you believe in them.

One thing I don’t get is how the templating system for Django manages to be so unremittingly shitty.

Like, it derives most of it’s logic from Python. Python does basically everything I want it to. Django simply needed to not fuck it up. Instead, it disables everything useful on purpose.

Like, in the past four hours of banging my head against a wall, I found four different ways to make what I wanted to do work as far as the logic goes.

And then Django had to show the fuck up and be like “actually, you can’t assign values to variables outside of very specific circumstances. actually, you can’t assign the result of a filter function to a variable. actually, you can’t nest one statement inside another. (seriously: ZERO nesting) actually, you can’t even iterate sanely.”

And, when I finally gave up and wrote off the 4 hours of my life that this trashfire wasted, I learned that actually you can’t even COMMENT OUT TEMPLATE LOGIC without going line by fucking line, because it ignores HTML commenting. W H A T T H E F U C K

I have had to use lots of badly put together systems before, but I think this may be the first time I’ve ever encountered anything that was this bad on purpose. Anything which had so intentionally tried to disable all reasonable and efficient solutions to force you into hacky bullshit. I am so mad, but I can’t really do anything about it, because every other feature is great, and it’s just this one thing that is Satan’s asshole.

Living with mental illnesses is so hard sometimes. I’ve been doing really well lately and then all of the sudden I’m back to having no energy, not wanting to interact with anyone or get out of bed. I was so happy with how everything in my life is going and now I’m back to feeling like a failure or that I’m not good enough and won’t amount to anything. Why am I feeling this way? I have no idea. There’s no explanation or logical reason behind it, which is what mental illness does and it’s so frustrating. I’m lucky that I have amazing friends who understand and support me but I’m going to have to take it day by day. Hopefully I’ll start to feel back to normal soon because I hate feeling down and insecure because it’s not who I am. Idk if this made any sense but I felt the need to rant.


Hey T! Not that you need an update on our lives, but because you’ve done so much for us I just wanted to fill in a bit.  2016 was a little rough, you could say (as was the end of 2015), but we made it through.  My marriage ended, which was so incredibly difficult on us and my self esteem. I felt like the biggest failure for not being able to make something work.  This was stressful enough without the added factor that he moved back to Texas where he’s from.  The hardest part, though, was him basically cutting himself off from Leyton’s life.  I cannot believe how beautifully Leyton has handled everything, despite how much it breaks my heart for him, and it was with the help and support from the amazing second family of fellow fans that you have brought into my life that I am able to smile today, and that Leyton has felt such boundless love despite it all.  Things are still far from easy, but my best friend @in-silent-screams13 and many, MANY other incredible people that I know because of you make getting through every day that much easier and have done more for me than I can say.  Thank YOU for them, and for all the support you’ve given in the past and today still through your beautifully relatable music. I’m working on being the best mom and person I can be, and lost 70 pounds for the sake of my health and keeping up with my little guy, which is one good thing I can say about 2016- the other that I can say honestly is that I am finally feeling more like myself again, and rediscovering myself in ways I didn’t know possible.   We love and miss you, and hope this new year brings you so much joy! ❤️

The only conclusion is love. (II)

I have decided to jump straight into the different characters POV. Here’s Bernadette. Truth be told, I had writers’ block for this. Attempting Stuart’s POV was difficult. I have decided to post over on Tumblr first. Once completed, I will consolidate and post as a one-shot at FFN. :) I hope you all still enjoy it. I could not contain my excitement for S11E01. 

Part (I):

Part Deux


If you asked me when I really knew that Sheldon really loved Amy, it was when I brought him to the mall to get a Christmas present for Amy. We walked around the mall for about two hours. He rejected every suggestion I gave.

“Sheldon, we’re going to be late for the Christmas Party.” I folded my arms across my chest. “Sheldon, this better not be your devious plan to deliberate miss Amy’s Christmas party.” I seethed. There was nothing that caught his fancy and my patience for Sheldon was wearing thin.

Sheldon turned to face me. “I promised Amy I will be there and I don’t break my promises. Bernadette, the gift has to be perfect,” Sheldon frowned and sulked. “It’s for Amy. Amy deserved only the best.” He put the diamond necklace down which elicited a groan from the frustrated employee. The peeved employee had shown a dozen of jewellery to Sheldon who shot down every piece of jewellery.

“I gave her a tiara. I don’t think a necklace or any jewellery would suffice.” He sighed. He walked out of the jewellery store. “Why a tiara?” I asked. I had always wanted to ask why. Sheldon hated gift-giving. Penny told me that the tiara cost a bomb and Sheldon did not bat an eyelid when he made the purchase.

“Well, it’s actually very simple, Bernadette, Amy’s my princess.” Sheldon smiled, “and I upset her because I dismissed her achievements. Bernadette, I really do love Amy, au contraire to what others believed. When I asked her to be my girlfriend, I am committed to her for the whole run. When I am in, I am in for the whole run. I always find the need to find another human being to share one’s life with has always puzzled me. But with Amy, it becomes less puzzling. I start to realise sharing a life with Amy perhaps wasn’t so taunting or repulsive. I have never envisioned myself to be able to share a life with another human but this slowly chipped away when Amy entered my life. And, I could not see myself with another woman other than Amy.”

“Oh, my gosh, you really love Amy.” I gasped. The man-child, as we all called him, had seemed to grow up. I realised after his train trip, he changed. He became less condescending, at least towards Amy. “Does this mean you are ready to take the next step with Amy?” I realised his confession had a hidden meaning.

Sheldon paused to answer before his head dipped down. “Yes, I am considering it. You guys should give me more credits. I know I may not be the best boyfriend but I am improving. I realised Amy made me a more open-minded and affectionate person.”

“Oh, Sheldon,” I pulled him into a hug and was happy for Amy and Sheldon.

“Bernadette. Bernadette. Bernadette. You can’t hug me. You’re married.” I did not care and tightened my embrace. He finally relented and accepted my hug reluctantly. “You can’t tell Amy. I am still not ready to ask her and I need to find the perfect setting for the proposal. I didn’t want to propose because of a spur of the moment.”

“Sheldon, that’s so beautiful. I am sorry that I once doubted your relationship with Amy.” I apologized. Truth be told, I always told Amy that she deserved someone better when she complained about the lack of progress in their relationship. Little did I know that Sheldon was ready to take a huge step.

Sheldon shrugged, “I don’t care what others think. Most importantly is that Amy understands. I am not good at feelings or any hippie dippy stuff. Neither am I an expert at reading facial cues. I don’t know how to express my feelings for Amy. She suffered a panic attack because I told her I love her. Penny or you don’t when Leonard or Howard confessed. I told her I briefly considered it was a brain parasite. It was so strange. During my train trip, Amy’s face kept appearing in my mind. Every little thing reminded me of her.”

I nodded, waiting for him to continue. Sheldon seldom talked about his train trip as he saw it as a failure. He only told us that different type of ketchup and mustard sauce used in different stations which annoyed us to no end. He only mentioned that the trip was enlightening.

“I thought I must have contacted a brain tumour. That was why I was hallucinating. It turned out that I missed Amy very much. She did not initiate contact with me. I told her I needed a break from everything, which included her. She only asked me to check in Facebook so that she knew that I am safe.” The corners of Sheldon’s mouth lifted slightly.

“Why did you leave on the train trip? Did you know how upset Amy was?” I asked. He did not know that during the 45 days, Amy contemplated sending him the relationship termination notice. She did not do so, fearing that it might further agitate Sheldon. She did not keep in contact because she needed time to think and evaluate if the relationship with Sheldon was what she wanted. She realised that Sheldon might never be able to give her what she wanted and if she could accept a relationship in a stasis. She said that they probably would marry and have children but it was conceived through clinical means.

“I know but I had to. I was afraid. I am afraid of changes. Penny and Leonard were engaged. It meant that Leonard would ultimately move out of the apartment. My research was a dead end. Amy suggesting moving in together so she could take over Leonard’s role. It was just too much for me. I didn’t know how to handle.” Sheldon’s eyes dulled a little.

“What changes, Sheldon? Why are you now ready to take the next step with Amy? Are you ready to be intimate with Amy? If you marry Amy, are you ready to be intimate with her physically?” I had to help Amy ask. While I believed that Sheldon loved Amy but I didn’t know if he was able to give what Amy wanted and needed. Intimacy in a relationship was important. It brought a couple closer.  

“Bernadette,” Sheldon turned to face me, “intimacy in any forms had been challenging for me. I told Penny and Leonard that I never ruled out being intimate with Amy. What Amy and I had or shared are extremely intimate. Moreover, I think I am ready.”

“WHAT!?” I shouted which attracted the irate stares from the passers-by who were getting last minute gifts. Sheldon just lifted his shoulder and smiled. “Bernadette, what I have told you today, you can never repeat it to another person.”  

“I think I just saw the perfect gift for Amy.” Sheldon walked quickly towards the Santa’s Lap booth. It ended up being the perfect present for Amy. It was from his heart and it was holiday themed.

They complemented each other so well.


Lunar Aquarian// relationships //  letting go// *good read* *I mean if you’re into that kind of thing*

I think my current life lesson, is to learn how to let people go.. I have had multiple unhealthy friendships/relationships and it always comes down to how long I will put up with the other person’s shit.. Being a Cancer, it’s already hard enough to let go but on top of that I have an Aquarius moon, which makes me idealize everything.. There is always this side of me that believes “it can be fixed” and if I’m honest, I feel as though I NEED to fix it, and if I don’t fix it, I’m a complete failure. I am actually very hard on myself, despite what others may think.. I’m a Leo rising, so people tend to believe things roll of my shoulder.. but that is far from the truth! Things “roll” all the way into the back of my head where I keep everything on file. And you would think if it’s “on file” that I would just learn and move on.. but no. You see another struggle of being a lunar Aquarian is that even if you find a solution that works, if it’s not the “best” possible solution there is, you will keep at it because there is an innate drive for perfection. Yes, it’s not the drive of lets say a Virgo has for perfection, but it is very strong force. Also something else about being a lunar Aquarian in relationships that is hard, is that by nature you have a tendency to detach yourself from EVERYTHING. Even your own mother! ha. It’s not that you don’t care about anything, it’s simply that you care more about other essential things that some people over look. Freedom is a huge thing a lunar Aquarian needs, and since it’s in the sign of the moon, sometimes you even need absolute freedom from your own emotions. Freedom to create is how you recharge your batteries. And some people look at this need as if you either don’t value them or that your a snob and think your better than everyone else. This is not the case! Lunar Aquarians deeply value people! It’s just they value other abstract things just as much because they have the capability to do so.

an update, for those that care; and an apology for my obvious lack of presence on this blog.

I have an 8 month old now. I blogged here a lot about my issues with my pregnancy, my SO, and some pretty heavy stuff from both. I am happy to report that things are really, really good.

Stella is really just the perfect baby for me because she is so chill and we feed off of each other’s positivity. her dad is back in our lives and he’s really just the sweetest thing with her. he’s come a long way from his state of mind when I was pregnant, and I’m honestly really happy with everything with him, Stella, and myself. I’m back in school and that’s going well too.  

Stella has failure to thrive, which is a scary name for a pretty benign thing (at least, for her). she’s only about 12 pounds at 8 mos, but she was a low birth weight premature kiddo and nobody cares about her size anymore because she’s totally healthy. we had a few short hospital visits, consulted genetics and metabolics, and nothing is wrong. she’s just little. she eats like a toddler and her milestones are pretty average for her birthday, rather than adjusted age. :D

I actually have a lot of free time now because she has a really good routine (and sleeps through the night!), so maybe I’ll bring sims back into my life. I play a lot of overwatch right now. 

Fish Advice

I am considering setting my tank back up, but I want to be more informed and on top of everything. I learned a lot from my past failures, and while I’m not yet ready to set it up, I would like some tips and advice.

I would like to keep a betta again. I currently own a 5.5 gallon tank, which I believe is adequate? I have a heater, and filter. I don’t own anymore but will invest in test kits to ensure water quality. My main question is this: would it be possible to use aquatic sand instead of the gravel in my tank with a betta? And if I do, is it easier to keep clean of waste/ food than the gravel? I like the look of the sand, but I don’t want anything harmful.

Any advice would be wonderful and fully appreciated! I want to do this right.

kitonlyhuman  asked:

Tyrinnis asks: "Which victory is your proudest achievement, Janto?"

“Proudest? Gods, how am I supposed to know? The idea of sorting out my mess of a life to one best moment seems pretty daunting. I guess, if I look at it a certain way, the answer is being named exemplar. It isn’t that the title came from one moment, or one action. Hell, I sure wasn’t trying to get it. But if I look back at everything I’ve been up to in my life, even the mistakes, they’ve got me here. The successes brought me closer, the failures gave me the grit to keep taking those steps. Being in that gang, dismantling it, joining the Seraph, the pit fighting, the wars, the Whispers, time as a PI, the Black Lung Plague. It all added up to the Shining Blade. It means everything I’ve done led to me getting to serve my queen and her people in the highest capacity.”

anonymous asked:

what tools do you use to create your beautiful work? digital wise, what programs/software/devices do you have? would you say more of your art is digitally made or physically made?

Ooo good question! Thanks for the kind words. I’m going to try to give you a good answer.

Here’s a list of all of the things I depend on while making stuff:

- Soft lead pencils (typically 6-8B, really like Tombow brand)
- Classic #2 pencils (Ticonderoga is my fave)
- Pencil sharpeners (I have a LOT of pencil sharpeners)
- Gouache (sometimes)
- Miscellaneous ephemera (typically from books, magazines, pamphlets from 1970-earlier)
- Old notebook/construction/ misc. paper. Manila folders. Anything I can draw on that isn’t brand new, really. The smell of working on old materials just makes me happy I think.)
- Glue stick (any kind really, as long as they work well)
- Steel ruler
- Exacto knife with a v sharp blade
- Trusty green cutting mat
- My CanoScan LiDE 200, which has suited all of my scanning needs for the past 6 years or so (and still kinda works most of the time).

I always edit things I make in Photoshop. I’d say 40% of things I post are straight scans with light edits made in PS. Mostly levels and color adjustments. About 40% are scans which have been inverted and laid over an image, or something along those lines. And about 20% are things which I have created by drawing individual elements and then piecing everything together in PS. For an example of that last one take a look at this “Wizard Party” thing I did:

 and then take a look at this unedited scan:

So once all that was taken into PS and gray-scaled and leveled I moved all of the pieces around to make the final posted image. The more individual elements there are in something the more I’m likely to use this method. It’s not preferred but I am so terrible at doing everything right on paper the first time, especially when there are a lot of details. I suppose I’ve adapted to using this method because it limits failure to the individual element instead of the piece as a whole which saves me from having to start over. 

I only use Photoshop, sometimes Illustrator when doing design work. Hmm I don’t really use much else. I don’t have a tablet although that would make everything a little easier I think.

I’d like to think that my art is mostly physically made, since I have an intimate relation with the materials and subjects which I work with, but I’d by lying if I said that Photoshop wasn’t a huge part of everything that I do. I get the most pleasure out of sitting at my desk drawing, but Tumblr is the outlet which lets me share my work with the internet and that’s very important to me too.

If it came down to it I’d rather use physical materials exclusively and share what I make with real life ppl than only being able to use a computer but getting to share things with the internet. Maybe that answers your question?

the way my trimming has transformed since i started is so interesting.

back then i was like the hoof is AMAZING and MYSTICAL and it Knows What It Wants just let it show you the way 🌠

then when that didn’t work out so well i was like okay the hoof is a fucking FOOL please remove that wall that’s RIGHT roll it all away don’t let it touch the ground peripheral loading is the DEVIL

then i was like okay if i leave a trimming appointment and every angle and length isn’t exactly ideal to how things should be in the end i am a FAILURE. 6 degree palmar angle even if the horse is comfortable?? NOPE TIME TO DIE

(somewhere along the way i stopped wearing gloves which was a great decision re: heatstroke but also No Protection From Sharp Tools We Bleed Out Like Men)

then i was like the form is the primary concern everything will follow if you just get! the! form! perfect! ALL OF IT. IT MUST ALL BE DONE RIGHT NOW NO MATTER THE COST DONT LET IT GET AWAY FROM YOU THE HOOF IS A SLIPPERY LITTLE DEVIL 😈

and then finally i came to realize there are priorities, not only in what hoof problems to address first but in the trimmer-horse-client relationship. medio-lateral balance is top priority, followed by comfort over moderate terrain. then dorso-palmar balance. then bars but like… over time. going hard core on those overgrown bars at the first trim scares people. make them passive the first trim and chip away a little at a time. take only what NEEDS to go. that big chunk of ugly sole that you know will fall off in a day or two (or that you know the owner will comment on) doesn’t need to go and the owner should be told why. in fact tell the owner everything. explain what’s gonna happen and why. make them come around and hold the foot, if they’re able. force them into giving a shit, and then if they still don’t and the hooves suffer for it, you can just say “i told you so, i can’t do all this day to day work for you,” and you MOVE ON. the hoof gives clues, it really does, but the meaning isn’t always clear nor is the correct action. the hoof doesn’t “know” things but it does react: to forces from the ground, to temperature, to moisture, to diet, to MOVEMENT. every single horse, every HOOF should be considered and weighed individually against the ideal but also in relation the other hooves, the work the horse is in, the environment, how often the owner is actually going to care for the feet (if at all), how long before you will be back to trim, upcoming events in the horse’s/owner’s life, whether the owner is skeptical about barefoot stuff, the age and health of the horse….. there are trends in the vast majority of cases, but there are also times when you have to break your own rules or slow a process down for the sake of an immediate need or even a long term goal that no one else can see but you.

this is why i really can’t say i follow any one person or organization’s theory about trimming. i want a perfect hoof but until i can have that i want a better hoof. i’m willing to toss an idea i liked if it’s not working on a particular case, but i’m willing to try it again on another if it might make things better. better is good for the horse, for me, and the client.

basically what im saying is hoof care is a very strange balancing act, and while i’m under a horse trimming i’m also spinning thirteen plates trying to keep everything right for that particular situation. the actual trimming is easy, it’s the constant analysis that throws people. it threw me for a really long time.

There are moments that define a person’s whole life. Moments in which everything they are and everything they may possibly become balance on a single decision. Life and death, hope and despair, victory and failure teeter precariously on the decision made at that moment. These are moments ungoverned by happenstance, untroubled by luck. These are the moments in which a person earns the right to live, or not.
—  Jonathan Maberry, Rot and Ruin