in which dean was sam's mom for most of his formative years if not all of them

13 Reasons Why (Tape 1)

Characters: Dean, sister!reader, Mary, Sam, John

Warnings: mention of death, angst, swearing

Word count: 4139

Summary: Dean listens to the first tape that you left after you died. He learns about the rules he has to follow with them, and who the first cause of your decision was.

A/N: italics are flashbacks to the events before your death

Series: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

Dean woke up around 5am on Monday morning. It had been three months since you, his 18 year old sister, had decided to take your own life. Him and Sam never got a note, you were just gone and that was all they knew. They were too late to save you and that bothered him. Every morning since that day he woke up at 5am. He realised there was no going back to sleep so he climbed out of bed and headed to the door. When he opened the door he was surprised to be greeted with a small box in front of his feet. Dean looked left and right and noticed Sam wasn’t around to have just placed the box there. He sighed, picked it up, shut his door and walked back to his bed.

As he opened up the box he was confused as he noticed that all was inside were tapes. Why would someone give him a box of tapes? Dean rummaged through the box on his shelf and found his old tape player that John had given him when he was a kid and wanted to listen to AC/DC. He put the first mysterious tape inside the player and pressed play.

“Hello,” the familiar voice that he hadn’t heard for three months spoke which almost hurt his ears to know that he could hear in tape form. He must have been mistaken… It couldn’t be!

“My name is Y/N Winchester,” your tape continued. “I’m about to tell you the story of my life. More specifically, why my life ended… And if you’re listening to this tape,” The tape paused for a moment and Dean waited in suspense. “You’re one of the reasons why.”

He pulled the headphones off his head and sat there for a moment. He couldn’t believe the voice or words he was hearing. How could this be real? How could he really be hearing it? Having to listen to the voice of his deceased sister was hard for him, but the only way to find out more was listening to the tapes… So he continued. It wasn’t a fast decision, he took a breath and thought about just throwing them away. But then he would never know the reason why. This was like your suicide note, only in the form of 13 tapes.

His shaky hands picked up the headphones and placed them carefully on his head. He pressed play on the tape player and continued to listen. “As there are to every story, there are 13 different sides to this. I’m going to tell you all of them. Each tape is based on one of the people that are the reason my life ended. So, once you’ve listened to all the tapes you need to pass these on to the next person. If you don’t, well, just know that someone is always watching every single one of you and will make sure that all the tapes are listened to by every person. Now that you understand.. Let me begin with my first tape.”

Dean closed his eyes and followed the story you were telling. “First up, we have the thing that started it all… It was a normal day for you maybe, but not me at all. I didn’t know about hunting or any of that, not until you told me. I went to find you after mom had said she saw you earlier that day, I thought maybe it would be a chance for me to meet my father for the first time. Incase you hadn’t figured it out by now, we have our first person of the story. Welcome to your tape, John.”

Dean realised that John could have been the one these tapes outside of Dean’s room. He almost forgot that both of his parents now lived in the bunker with him and Sam. John must have listened to the tapes before him. Or maybe it was Mary? Since you died they both acted weirdly around both the boys, but then again, Mary acted strangely around you anyway so maybe she had something to do with all of this. He didn’t have time to think as the tape continued to play and tell Dean the story of what happened to you.

* * *

You were a nervous wreck ever since you joined your father and his two sons. Your mom insisted on you moving in with John so that you could bond and get to know your father after all those years of wishing you knew him. You knew it wouldn’t be easy meeting him when the day came, but you never expected it to be that hard.

He told you all about hunting and all his excuses of why he left you and your mother. They were stupid and you hated listening to him explaining, you needed someone to take your anger out on and that person was John. You needed to scream and shout at him every now and then for small things just so you could release some of the pain that he made you feel for most of your life.

But that shit didn’t fly with John, you either did as he said or you were gone. “It’s my way or the highway,” you recalled him saying to you a few times after your arguments. Sam and Dean didn’t live with John really, it was more like John lived with them, along with Mary Winchester. They owned this thing called the Men Of Letters Bunker. The place was huge, so many bedrooms you couldn’t count, you could have sworn you found a new room there everyday.

Before John moved in here, him and his wife (who was also the two boy’s mother) had come back to life after so many years. They didn’t fit into the word exactly so they relied on hunting as what kept them grounded. Sam, Dean, John, Mary and you. That’s how it was. Of course, being the youngest meant that you had to follow everyone’s rules and it was for your own ‘safety.’

* * *

“For my own safety? That was complete bullshit,” you spoke smoothly through Dean’s headphones. “You just wanted someone to boss around, dad. You couldn’t control Sam and Dean anymore, so you made sure that you could completely control me. Before that I didn’t have anyone controlling me, I could do what I wanted and act however I thought was right for me. You took that from me… That’s where it all started going down hill, it’s where I started to break.”

Dean once again paused the tape. He checked his nightstand and saw that it was now 6am. How had time moved so quickly? How long had it taken him to listen to this short part of the tape? He knew he had taken it out at the beginning because it was too hard to listen to, but he never knew he was stalling for so long.

A break from this right now seemed appropriate. So, he took the headset off, left it on his bed and headed to the kitchen to get something to eat. Every step he took felt heavier than the last. This wasn’t something new, it had been happening ever since you took your life, but now it was hitting him harder. It made every movement more painful than they had been before; he didn’t even know that was possible until now.

Once he reached the kitchen, he was pleasantly surprised to see that Mary, John and Sam were already there and eating breakfast. Sam was still at the stove, finishing up cooking some eggs and the rest of the bacon while John and Mary sat opposite each other and ate what they already had. “Dean,” John said by surprise. “You’re up later than usual.”

“It’s 6am,” Dean replied with a gravelly voice that he always had when he was tired. Lately, it seemed to be the only voice he had.

“You’re usually up at around 5,” John noted. Sam came and sat down next to Mary at the table and placed a plate down for himself and for Dean.

“You hungry?” Sam asked and Dean joined them at the table. “How you holding up?”

“I feel… Different to what I have for the last few months,” Dean replied to his little brother. “You know, I actually woke up at 5am again today. I stayed in my room because I found something left outside my door.”

All of their eyes widened as Dean spoke. They looked at each other before John spoke. “So she finally finished listening to them.”

“What? Who?” Dean questioned as he squeezed his fork tightly in his hand.

“We can’t talk about this,” Mary recalled before picking up a piece of bacon from her plate and eating it.

“You can’t do that to me! Who are you talking about?!” Dean demanded as he threw his fork down.

“The last person that had the tapes,” John told him which earned a glance from Mary and Sam.

“The tapes… You’ve all listened to them?” Dean looked around at them all. They were faces of the people he knew, they were his family. But they all felt so unfamiliar, like strangers with secrets.

“We can’t talk about it, you need to listen to the tapes,” Sam finished before taking his plate over to the trash can and throwing his food away.

“Are any of you on there? Who is the ‘she’ that you’re talking about? Is it someone else on the tapes?” Dean asked quickly, not giving them time to answer any of them as he continued. “Are you all on the tapes?”

“Dean, we can’t,” Mary snapped. “You have to just listen to the tapes, everyone on there had to.”

He stood up and made his way to the exit of the kitchen but stopped in his tracks.

“It’s hard to listen to,” Dean admitted with a sad voice. He stood in the door way as he spoke to them. “It’s the voice of my dead sister.”

“Dean!” John hissed. He looked at his son standing in there, he looked so heartbroken and vulnerable. “Please son, just listen to the tapes.”

Dean glared at them all. If looks could kill, they would all be dead in a second. He stormed off and went back to his room, it turned out he didn’t get any food or a drink to soothe his feelings of anxiety right now. He returned in the same state he was in before. Dean placed the headset back on his ears and continued to listen to John’s tape.

“But that wasn’t all, was it dad?” You questioned rhetorically. “No, you did more than just boss me around. When you realised you couldn’t do it anymore, you did the only thing that you thought you could do to end the lack of control…”

* * *

It was a few months after you had moved into the bunker and began your training to become a hunter. It wasn’t the physical side of it all because you already knew how to fight after your countless years of being bullied at school. That’s why the boys and your dad were so okay with you going hunting with them; they knew you could take care of yourself.

It was the research of it all. You weren’t used to connecting the dots with how certain monsters acted or what they did with how the victims had died. You gradually became better at it, but you weren’t as good as your brothers because they grew up doing it. You knew that. You understood that.

John didn’t seem to though. All he did was compared you to Sam and Dean and demanded that you become a smarter person. That wasn’t something you could just do, you can’t just snap your fingers one day and get what you want. You have to work for shit like that, it takes time and patience… But those were two things that John lacked.

It was that one day in the motel you were all staying in. The report in the paper said that the bystanders smelled sulphur after the woman was attacked. That was easy enough to figure out, right? Wrong. You weren’t trained enough in the mythology of monsters and you had no idea that sulphur was a sign of demons. You read past it and said there was nothing in there that could have been your kind of thing.

John insisted that you had missed something, just like he always did. You hated when you had to look for cases in the paper. Either you would misjudge it and say you had found a case or you would read past it too quickly and not realise that there was your kind of thing going on. No. You never got it right, so John always checked.

He held the paper in his hand as he sat opposite you at the small table in the motel. You watched nervously as his eyes scanned over the front page and read about the current murder spree going around. “Jesus Christ,” he groaned as he slammed the paper down on the table. “You’re kidding me right, Y/N? You don’t see a case here?”

“Uh, no, sir,” you replied shakily. Sam and Dean noticed your worry from where they were sitting on the beds. Mary was currently out on a supply run.

“It says here the by passers could smell sulphur,” John stated as he looked over at his sons.

“So what are we thinking, a demon?” Dean asked while he continued to clean his gun.

John clicked his tongue and Dean’s answer as if it was obvious. “Exactly… A demon.”

“A demon?” You questioned as you looked between all of them.

“The smell of sulphur is an instant alert for a demon,” Sam told you with a smile. He didn’t mind teaching you, he actually enjoyed it. He liked passing on his knowledge with you and helping you become a better hunter. He had patience… John didn’t.

“Yeah,” John snapped. “Every hunter should know that.”

You hated when he got like this because you instantly knew it was a dig at you and you were tired of it. The boys saw nothing of it because they didn’t pay enough attention. That’s why they thought you were in the wrong when you snapped back.

“Well, I’m still new at this so you can’t expect me to know everything,” you hissed which got John’s back up. You were glad it pissed him off, it was time that he took you seriously.

“You do not speak to your father like that!” He shouted as he stood from his chair and pushed it back aggressively.

You stood up too so you could regain dominance in the conversation. “What kind of father are you? I barely even know you!”

“This isn’t about me,” he replied with a steady tone.

“Yes it is!” You screamed. “This is about you… This is about what you didn’t do. You weren’t there because you were too busy hunting with your other family. And yes, I know that you died when I was a kid, but even when you came back to life you didn’t bother looking for me.”

“I thought we were past this,” he growled with flared nostrils.

“We are. We are past this,” you lied. You weren’t over it, but you had to pretend you were for the sake of everyone else. “I’m not reminding you about it because I’m hurt, I’m reminding you because you need to understand my point of view. I’m not good at researching cases with you because I was never here for it. And you’re not good at being a father to me because you were never there.”

When you finished your statement it was as if the world stopped for a minute. You came to terms with what you had said and realised that you meant it; John wasn’t as accepting towards the statement as you were. The boys both gasped as they saw John’s hand being drawn back.

Before you could react to his movement, John’s hand made harsh contact with your cheek. It was enough force that if pushed you to the floor. You breathed heavily as you stood up; you were holding your hand against your cheek in disbelief.

“You asshole!” You growled as your stood on your feet. “You fucking asshole!”

“What the hell is going on?” Mary demanded as she walked through the door. “Y/N? What happened to your face?”

“It was dad! He slapped me!” You screamed. “You’re a dick, how could you?!”

“Dad, you crossed the line,” Sam said. “You don’t hit your kids.”

“Things just got out of hand,” Dean insisted. “They should never have gone this far, you need to talk about this and sort it out because this shit has been going on for too long. All you do is argue with each other over the smallest things.”

“Dean! He hit her!” Sam defended as he stood up in annoyance.

“We’ve all hit each other! Hell, we’ve tried to kill each other before,” Dean recalled. You couldn’t believe Dean would actually try and defend his father, you thought he had changed.

“Why are you defending him?!” You fumed.

“I’m not,” Dean said calmly. He put his arms up in defence as he continued to talk. “All I’m saying is we have all done terrible things to each other, our family is messed up. This is something that’s needs to be dealt with and then we move on.”

You scoffed at his words. John looked down at you the same way he always did, his eyes full of hatred and boiling with anger. “There’s nothing to talk about. I want you gone, Y/N.”

“But-”

“No!” John spat. “I want you gone, get the fuck out of here. Go back to living with your mom, the hunting life isn’t for everyone and you’re most definitely not meant to be a hunter.”

You couldn’t believe the words that were leaving his mouth. You looked at your brothers and saw that even they didn’t know what to say. You grabbed your things, threw them into a backpack and walked out like you weren’t even bothered. But of course you were. You were so desperate for one of them to follow you and beg you to come back… But no one ever did.

* * *

“You hit me in the face. It hurt. But not as much as it hurt when you hit me with rejection and hatred. You wanted me gone… I hated you, John, more than I had ever hated anyone. You felt the same way about me and I wasn’t going to stick around for that so I headed back to my moms.”

Dean once again removed the headphones and paused the tape. There wasn’t long left of this tape but it was so hard for him to listen to. He checked his clock on his nightstand once again and saw that it was now 1:35pm. Food. He needed food.

Another walk to the kitchen with pain in his steps led to a nervous feeling in his stomach. What John had done to you was so bad, what if Dean’s was worse? What if he had hurt you but had no idea that it had affected you so badly? Dean was pulled out of his thoughts when he saw his father sitting alone at the kitchen table and drinking a beer.

“Hey, son,” he said with a soft voice. “You doing ok?”

“I’m great,” Dean snapped. “I won’t talk to you and piss you off though, I don’t wanna get a beating.”

John sighed and rubbed his palm over his face. “You listened to my tape.”

“I haven’t finished it yet,” Dean shook his head. “It’s still hard to listen to.”

John didn’t reply to what Dean said, he just took another swig of his beer and stared at the wall. Dean went to the fridge and pulled out some left over bacon that was cooked that morning. He put the plate in front of him and his father at the table as he came and sat opposite him. “Stop staring at the wall and look at me,” Dean demanded. John looked at the disappointment in his sons eyes. “Feeling sorry for yourself won’t bring her back.”

Now he saw something in John that he had never let him see before. It was weakness. “I remember that day,” Dean continued. “I remember that I defended you when you hurt her because I was scared that what you did would make her leave. I was selfish and I wanted her to stay so I tried to justify what happened.”

“Son-”

“I’m not finished,” Dean snapped. “What you did drove her away from our family… The only reason she came back was because she had nowhere else to go after she went home and found her moms dead body. If you didn’t send her away she would never had seen that.”

“You don’t think I know that!” John shouted which caught Dean by surprise. He sighed as he realised his anger had once again got the better of him. “Dean-” his voice was steady and low, “-the reason I did that to her was to protect her.”

“You hit her to protect her?” Dean demanded.

“I pushed her away to protect her,” John said as tears began to form in his eyes. “Before I slapped her I kept snapping at her and being nasty to her because I wanted her to leave so she could be safe. I knew that if I told her that she wouldn’t leave, and no matter how many times I shouted at her or was a complete dick to her she would just get upset… But she would stay. I had to do something that would finally make her leave; I had to make her think that I hated her so that she would hate me. If she stayed with us she would have continued to hunt and I wanted better for her.”

John wiped his tears away before drinking more of his beer. It was as if he thought the alcohol would soothe the sting, but it only made it worse. “I loved my baby,” he cried. “She was my only daughter and she made me proud every day. I’ll never get a chance to tell her that.”

Dean shook his head. He understood why John did what he did and he sympathised with him, but it didn’t matter. That wouldn’t bring you back. It wouldn’t fix anything. “She’s dead because you were too scared to love her.”

Dean didn’t plan on saying it, it was just a thought that popped into his head but he needed to get it out. Secrets were one of the reasons you ended your life, he didn’t want to keep them anymore.

John had no idea how to respond to Dean. How could someone reply to that? He was one of the causes of his daughters death because he was a coward. Dean didn’t even know what to think anymore. He needed to know more. He had one more bite of the bacon before he put the plate back in the fridge and headed back to his room.

They were still there when he got back. He didn’t know what he was expecting, but he was hoping that the tapes weren’t real and that you were still there in the bunker. When you moved in you told him that you wanted your room next to his so you could knock on the wall if you wanted to talk to each other.

He picked the tape player up, it felt colder than when he last held it. A chill shot down his spine as he thought about the tapes again and how they were all you left behind. Your voice played again in his ears.

“After you kicked me out, dad, I went back for my mom. I ran in to my house, crying my eyes out because of what you did. I wanted comfort from my mom,” you explained. “She was all I needed right at that moment because in my whole life she was all I ever had. But I never got to speak to her… I went into her room and found her covered in blood. She didn’t move… Or breathe… She did nothing.”

Your voice broke as you spoke about your mothers death and Dean closed his eyes at the thought. “And this, ladies and gentlemen, brings me to my second tape. And you know who you are when I say that on my next tape, we’re going to talk about the person that murdered my mother.”

Tags ~

@jarpadobrien @thejulietfarciertlove @bluecookiesandbooks @little-miss-padfoot @thisnoticeisnotworthnoticing @catcherofdreams22 @fabulouslycassie@uchihababeee @lust-for-pan @weirdrandomunknownperson @you-didnt-see-that-cuming @thegreatficmaster @chloemwinchester

Where’s my Mom?

A/N: Happy Angst Appreciation Day. Reader is Eileen’s five year old daughter.

Sam stared down at Eileen’s body in shock; he couldn’t believe she was dead. He felt the tears begin to quickly build in his eyes while he observed the different injuries that she was covered in.

The brothers continued their conversation about what happened, how could she be dead? Why did the hell hound kill her? Why did this always have to happen to the ones that they loved?

Then Dean asked a question that stopped Sam’s heart;

“What do you think happened to Y/N?”

“We need to find her Dean.” Sam said in a serious tone that was laced with worry. You were only five years old; your mother was dead and your father was a hunter who wanted nothing to do with you, just another reason why Eileen always avoided other hunters.

“I know Sam, we will.” Dean assured him before turning to leave the morgue.

“No Dean,” Sam replied, gripping his brother’s arm, “We need to find her. She’s just a kid, who’s alone with the freaking British Men of Letters out there looking for all hunters. They wanted revenge on Eileen for the accident with the colt, who’s to say they won’t take it out on Y/N.”

Dean nodded his head, “We need to find Y/N.”

A few days had passed since Eileen’s death and the Winchester’s were no closer to finding you. They had checked every motel in the area Eileen’s body had been found. They checked data bases, security cameras, they couldn’t find you anywhere.

They hadn’t given up the search, but moved their hunt for you back to the bunker so that they could have a home base while finding you.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

My sisters been sending your (amazingly) written metas, but I'm still confused as to what "Performance!Dean" is. Could you explain? ❤❤❤❤❤❤

Hi! Thank you!

Performing!Dean is a tag that many of us use to explain the way that Dean portrays himself to the outside world, suppressing parts of himself that he doesn’t think should be outwardly shown.

It’s a form of SUBLIMATION (a psychological term meaning to repress emotions / a part of oneself), a term which he actually uses in 12x05.

It’s a great example. The writers KNOW that we associate Dean’s love of pie with women / being comfortable / the home and family feeling, and cake with the repressed side of him (it is repeatedly used in this context, Dean really wanting it but never allowing himself to have it or just nibbling at the edges). It’s quite a famously known concept.

So… when Sam asks Dean if he wants pie and Dean says no, which basically never happens, when Sam then looks so DONE and starts talking about how Mary is gone and… (the implication being he is about to mention Cas being gone too)… then Dean says nope nope I am FINE and Sam FINALLY calls Dean out on it, saying “Dean, it’s called SUBLIMATION”.

Originally posted by castielamigos

And Dean finally relents and says “Yeah, its kinda my thing”. (And then later in the diner he is seen to have eaten a whole slice of cake in front of Sam and no-one makes a big deal out of it….)

WE ALL SCREAMED. DEAN ACTUALLY IN THE SCRIPT, OUT LOUD, HAS SAID THAT HE SUBLIMATES.

Because THIS is Dabb again taking what has been IN THE SCRIPT and in the show for 12 years and building on it, making it BLATANT. Because we are building to endgame now, SPN isn’t likely to last past season 13-14, so the character arcs that were set up in season 1 (and 4 for Cas) need to be tied up, so we, the audience NEED it to be made obvious when it has just been in the subtext. THAT IS WHY SO MUCH IS SO BLATANT THIS SEASON. Ie Performing!Dean, Destiel, Sam and the MoL story, Mary being the catalyst for Dean’s self acceptance arc and Sam’s self forgiveness arc around Lucifer (which I think will be much more blatant next season re: Jack as his mirror).

With Performing!Dean it started to be made a bit more obvious since Sam told Dean that he was ‘kind of butch’ and people probably thought he was ‘overcompensating’ in season 2 but it still stayed subtext, Dean checking out a few guys here and there, only really getting with women when he was having his ‘I’m going to go to Hell and need comfort’ or ‘Sam is dead, Cas left’ moments or since he met Cas, whenever Cas had left, making Dean feel crappy and rejected or had just DIED, using it as a coping mechanism, even blatantly role playing in season 9 after he feels so bad about kicking Cas out of the bunker etc to the point that in 12x18 it is so blatant that this is what it is about, they even have Dean saying outloud that he is settling for Sam’s omelette mere seconds after clearly having settled for the waitress because she wasn’t what he really wanted on top of all the other give aways…

Anyway, it’s not just about his sexuality or feelings for Cas, there are many other aspects too, and those are the ones that are cemented in seasons 1-3. Most of these seem all to stem from John and if you see snippets from John’s journal it makes sense.

John says he is proud of Dean when he kills monsters, womanises, drinks etc etc. So guess what a young impressionable Dean learned was the best way to act in life?

Now, over the years bits have come out here and there. Every time we see Dean with a sexual partner he has been the submissive one, he is clearly an extremely giving lover and very caring. He is not a dude bro womaniser at heart, he cares for all the women he sleeps with enough to be kind and gentle with them, even the waitress in 12x18 who really he doesn’t REALLY CARE about, she’s just a coping mechanism, but he is still extremely sweet with her.

He drinks for years of course, he is a functioning alcoholic for most of the show, but lately he has switched to coffee… unless something really bad is going down. Like when we saw the empty bottle in his room in 12x19…

He listens to old rock music because it reminds him of his mom and dad, not because he is a real metal head. Yeah absolutely he loves it too I’m sure, but really it’s the emotional pull. And we haven’t heard him do so since 12x07. Just saying. He also admits to liking Taylor Swift in season 10, after firstly saying HELL NO, same with the cucumber water in 12x07. It’s not the music or the water or whatever as such, that is absolutely NOT what we are saying is making us feel Dean is bisexual or has a hidden side to himself, its the fact that he HIDES it first then admits to it afterwards, that is the essence of Performing!Dean.

When Sam drinks the cucumber water, no-one batted an eyelid, that means nothing to us, because Sam is super comfortable with who he is in THIS respect, even though he carries guilt etc, but that is another subject. But because Dean made a huge deal about how uncool and basically unmanly it was, after all we know of him over the years, THEN went and drank it anyway, saying “shut up” when Sam is like “seriously?!” THAT is where the Performing!Dean meta comes from. And Sam is the same as us, he doesn’t care if Dean is bi, or if he likes Taylor Swift or cucumber water or WHATEVER, what he DOES care about is the fact that Dean feels the need to hide it from him.

There are so many small points along the series that point to a lot of Dean’s persona being fake or exaggerated and how sometimes Sam knows and sometimes he doesn’t, it would be funny if it wasn’t tragic.

Deep down Dean Winchester is a soft, kind and generous soul who just wants to be loved and to help people.

WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT WE SAW IN 12x11. THIS IS THE EXPOSITION EPISODE FOR PERFORMING!DEAN AND THE CORE OF THIS WHOLE SEASON BECAUSE THE WHOLE SEASON HAS BEEN ABOUT THIS, WHICH IS WHY 12x22 IS THE CHARACTER LED FINALE, BECAUSE IT IS WHERE THIS FINALLY COMES DOWN.

Originally posted by disneyandthefamilybusiness

So yeah, the fact of the matter is that Performing!Dean has been there all along, since the PILOT, over the years it has been showed to us that it exists then some of the walls have started coming down. If anyone dares to tell me that Performing!Dean isn’t a thing (which I was told earlier this season, lmao) then I will kindly point them towards 12x11 and 12x22.

Also, let us not forget that even though 12x11 was mostly an exposition for Performing!Dean when he lost his memories, again harking back to the HEART is the person, NOT their memories theme of the season, we also were given the golden snippet that DEAN RODE LARRY BEFORE HE GOT WACKED WITH MAGIC. This is to show us that Dean’s walls are coming down this season. When Sam called him up on it in a way that seemed to be taking the piss, Dean, rather than attempt to deny or tell him to shut up actually embraced it and gloated about how GOOD he was at it. ATTA BOY DEAN!

With the resurrection of Mary and Dean’s near - complete death experience it seems that Dean got to the point in season 12 where he just didn’t want to hide from himself anymore and so let these walls down further, there were small snippets of this in nearly EVERY episode. 

12x11 was the exposition for casual viewers to see this side of him more clearly (in the same way that 12x19 was for Dean and Cas’s clearly more than platonic relationship, which will not be built on with HUGE LEGO BRICKS since Cas died), and now with the grenade launcher as a metaphor, Dean literally blew down his walls in 12x22. The culmination of this story was his confrontation with Mary where he explains WHY he always had this facade, because he had a shitty childhood, had to be a parent to Sam and that it wasn’t FAIR and he didn’t cope with it well at all.

So. There we have it. Performing!Dean is REAL, it was there ALL ALONG, we were RIGHT in seeing it because it is confirmed in 12x11 and then addressed and to some extent dismantled in 12x22, and the meta idea that the grenade launcher is associated with Performing!Dean was ALSO used.

Just… wowzers.

Originally posted by itsokaysammy

I don’t expect Dean to suddenly act completely differently now, he won’t, there are just some aspects of him that will be slightly more obvious or he won’t hide certain parts of himself. He still isn’t completely done with this, as Jensen himself said that there will be more of this to come in season 13…

I expect him to perhaps once or twice order a slice of cake or an ice cream sundae, to listen to the radio and not turn it over if a pop song comes on, to be more open with his feelings towards his family (and yeah, Destiel is a part of this for sure), a nice turn around but also not jarring, because it’s just a PART of Dean, not his whole self, a lot of what we see is really fully him, so it’s not that he is going to completely radically change!

Anyway, its all very exciting as the metaphorical death of Performing!Dean is just a part of what most of us see as a positive endgame for TFW and it is all looking pretty good so far :D

Happily Ever After

Except an AU where Dean and Cas are both working for Disney for the summer, and have been cast as the very first gay princes. And at first they hate each other, but it’s hard to pretend you’re in love all day for sweet, shy kids, and then not makeout under the bridge of the magic kingdom castle.

You should all go and check out the amazing fanart thunderjellyfish made for my little prompt! Here is the fic to go with it :)

DISCLAIMER: I have been kindly informed that employees at Disney are NOT allowed to pick up kids for safety and legal reasons. Please suspend disbelief for this fic!

“Where’s the princess?”

If Castiel has to answer this question one more time, he will not be held responsible for his actions. He understands that having two princes star in an epic love story is not exactly Disney’s usual fare, but they obviously did well enough to hire character actors.

Or, nobody watched the movie but Castiel himself, and Disney hired him because they were tired of getting criticized for lack of representation.

Though the latter seems most likely, it’s actually why Cas applied for this job in the first place. He isn’t necessarily a huge fan of Disney movies, but as someone who grew up with zero gay role models in popular children’s media, Castiel can wholeheartedly understand and appreciate the importance of a homosexual Disney movie.

The problem, then, becomes not the job itself, but everything else about it.

Keep reading

"He Could Have Pie, He Just Won't Eat It Though...": On the Absence of Pie in Season 12 and the Demystification of Mary Winchester

I am prefacing this by saying that I haven’t watched the most recent episode yet, so if Dean and Co. happen to eat pie in 12x13 “Family Feud” I had no way of knowing it. :)

That said, in the end, even if Dean did enjoy a slice in this week’s episode, it really wouldn’t change a whole lot, because so far we have seen Dean very rarely eat one of his favorite types of food in S12: pie. Sure enough, the reason why we may see Dean not indulge in eating as much pie may be entirely be explained by things outside of the show - like maybe Jensen saying “man, please no more sweet stuff” ;) - still within the context of a show the absence of pie his season feels very telling. Especially so as pie for Dean definitely was a typ of comfort food and held a good deal of connotations and associations that all circled round notions of family, home, safety and love.

In the 12 seasons of Supernatural Dean’s love for pie has become just as infamous as his love for his baby. Even more so Dean’s eating habits as such have been used as an indicator for his emotional state of mind, his longings and wishes and especially over the course of the “Mark of Cain”-arc Dean’s hunger or lack thereof was drawn attention to as it revealed a lot about his emotional struggles (I have written lot on this topic, I’d insert links but as I am typing this on my phone I can’t) as well as the fight he faced within between human and demon. After all, little else is such a direct example of basic human necessities: the need to eat and drink to survive. That entire plot with Dean edging away from being human to becoming a demon was exemplified heaviest when Dean “left that cheeseburger uneaten” as Crowley reminisces before raising Dean as a demon in 9x23 “Do You Believe in Miracles”. Dean’s arc was contrasted with Castiel’s, who as a human for the very first time experienced hunger and thirst as two real necessities to be able to function.

The topic of hunger and food as indicators for humanity therefore have been very directly written into Dean’s personal story arcs from S8 onwards. Given this focus of recent seasons paired with the shows adamancy of inserting Dean’s love for pie as a recurring stylistic device over 12 seasons of the show in general, it feels very striking that Dean seems to have lost his taste or love for pie in S12 almost completely - the season in which he sees his mother returning from the dead.

As mentioned above Dean’s love for pie seems to be to a good extent directly connected to the memory and love of his mother. In fact, 5x16 “Dark Side of the Moon” even gives the audience as much of a “starting point” as to how Dean’s love for pie came to be in the first place when we see one of Dean’s memories play out in which we (as much as Sam) learn that the Winchesters’ “marriage was never perfect until after Mary died” and that Dean comforted his mother when his father had moved out for a couple of days after a bad fight (one now has to wonder if maybe that could have been due to Mary disappearing and hunting), told her that “daddy still loves her” and offered emotional support to his mother when he was a mere 4 years old. It’s that memory standing out clearest in relation to Deans love for pie as Mary not much later after she calls Dean “her little angel” offers him some pie. It’s by no means a truly happy memory imo, especially as it does kind of showcase how Mary tries to lighten the mood with the offer of pie. It’s this action really that frames and explains Dean using pie as “comfort food” in the most literal sense of the term. So of course this will sound somewhat over the top, but one could argue that every time Dean enjoyed a slice of pie in his life he remembered this moment with his mom. A moment nonetheless in which he again acted almost like an adult rather than a child (and yes, that is suppose will just always remain the tragedy of Dean Winchester: his lost childhood, that, as the show progresses, it seems was lost much earlier than when his mother died…

Keeping all of this in mind I think it is interesting to take a look at S12. The season of Mary Winchesters return. The undoing of the past. But for sure not the erasure of old wounds, scars or traumas, but rather the start to add a few new on top. Amara giving Dean “what he needed most” was his mother. She gave the Winchesters a chance to re-write their story, because maybe she wished her and her brother could do the same. What Amara wanted - and there is not a single doubt in my mind, because even though Dabb seems to have forgotten what he himself wrote at the end of last season, Amara wasn’t cruel just cause - was for Dean to be happy and find peace. Little did she know that bringing back the Winchesters’ mom would hardly bring that for him.

Now, as I have written about multiple times at the end of last season and prior the beginning of this season with Mary’s return we aren’t just loosely following the possible re-write of the Winchesters’ story (though much of this season to me feels sadly like “same old same old” and plain repeat), most of all we see the demystification of Mary Winchester - and that may actually be one of the most painful ones for the Winchesters and Dean especially as it seems countless times he is proven that his mother really is nothing like he remembered her to be. Of course there are few characters that have had such a “cult” surrounding them on the show as Mary Winchester. Her own children never really got to know her as a person as they simply were way too small for that to be the case, yet over time Mary was stylized, idealized and turned into a symbol that had very little in common with the very real Mary Winchester - as this season explores.

Not a single episode this season didn’t feature some sort of deconstruction of Mary Winchester as a person and character or a realization of who she is opposed to how she was imagined to be. It’s vital to see things for what they are, but there’s no denying it’s tough and eliminates foundations that provided at least some sense of stability - and so far we have not seen any kind of building new ground together for a stronger and more mature foundation. In the first episodes Dean learns that Mary “never cooked” or “continued hunting even when she was already married” and that many of his memories are unveiled to have been “false”. Getting to know their mother really is a constant progression of disillusionment for the Winchesters (and for Dean much more than for Sam since he doesn’t have any memories that could be rendered untrue or incomplete or downright “wrong”) and while I firmly believe that Mary does somehow care about her grown up sons, true emotion and connection doesn’t seem to be there. And one can’t really blame anyone for that because of course for Mary suddenly being alive is hard and she never learnt how to have grown up kids, because well… she never lived to have them in a natural progression.

Still, I think it is fairly well portrayed how much Mary struggles to form a meaningful connection with Sam and Dean. A relationship that could build into becoming the loving relationship that meant safety and home and everything being okay for Dean for example as seen in his memories - and one memory in particular featuring pie. Coming back to the symbolic meaning of pie again I think it’s valid to analyze the absence of it in S12 (I truly only remember Dean eating pie in 2nd episode when all was still fairly “okay” and happiness prevailing over Mary being back rather than the start reality setting in) in relation to the demystification of Mary as a symbol and mother figure. Pie may simply not provide the comfort and safety it once did for Dean, because like so much of his past and memories regarding his mother have been overturned and corrected, but not in a very healing - or worded differently - comforting way.

So in a way this season exemplifies imo rather perfectly the saying “You can’t have your pie and eat it too”, which describes you can’t have two good things at the same time, which seems awfully fitting to the whole Mary Winchester arc. And in that regard I think it is indeed very revealing how now that Mary is back “Dean could have pie”, but we don’t see him eat it…

Will You Be My Valentine?

Castielxreader

Words: 3582

Summary: You’ve fallen in love with a certain blue eyed angel, what better way to tell him than on Valentines Day?

Warnings: intense fluff

—————————————————————————————

You were finishing up the last touch to the card when you realized what time it was. The clock on your desk made a low ring as the hands reached four. Sealing the card in the envelope, you debated waiting to give it to the specific, special person in which it was made for. No doubt, even this early in the morning, he would be here and he would certainly be awake, since angels don’t sleep.

Telling him how you felt, well… its been a long time coming. When you first met him, when you first gazed into those blue eyes you had no idea he would eventually mean so much. Especially in a short amount of time, it didn’t take long for feelings to develop and over time they only grew. Its almost been nine years since Castiel raised and brought Dean back, with that being said, you’ve kept your feelings to yourself. Except for the occasional talks with Sam and when Charlie was alive you would talk to her, but for a while you’ve kept everything on the low and to yourself. Maybe its because Amara brought Mary back and your boys were reunited with their mom or maybe its because your tired of keeping everything inside, but you’ve been wanting to tell Castiel just how much he really means to you for a while now. What better day is there than Valentines Day? Though now that you were four hours into the holiday, the swirling feeling in your stomach only made you more nauseous.

You decided to go and look for him now. Either way, had you of waited until later or now, it didn’t make much difference because you wouldn’t be getting any sleep today; not with what’s ahead of you. You weren’t sure how the angel would react, he was an angel after all but he needed to know. When you love someone, you need to tell them. No matter if its going to break you in the end because you never know, it might actually be the thing that saves you.

Slowly and quietly, your feet padded their way down the halls of the bunker. Every second that passed by, you were thinking it would be better to just turn around and go back to your room. But that would be too easy and be considered giving up which the Winchesters and Cas, himself, had taught you not to do. Focusing on deep breaths, you finally reached the library, peering in only to see the most handsome, brave, and thoughtful angel of them all; your whole world, Castiel. Gazing at him for a moment, you watched as he concentrated on the book he read; his mind lost in the script of the pages. His hair was combed and orderly, his sleeves rolled up; his trench and suit jacket laid beside him neatly on the table. Sighing, you took in the marvelous beauty that sat before you and you couldn’t stop a smile from forming on your lips, Cas was just unbelievably gorgeous. Though his looks weren’t everything, Cas undoubtedly grabbed your attention when he showed you just how much humanity meant to him and how much he had changed through the years as he learned more and more about human tradition, the angel was absolutely remarkable.

“(Y/n)?” his deep gravel voice pulled you from your thoughts as he questioned you.

“Hey Cas,” your smile dropped and you moved from the threshold towards him hesitantly.

“What are you doing awake? You should be sleeping,” he stated softly, closing the book in his hands.

“Well I…I know but I…,” you stuttered over your words like a helpless school girl. Shaking your head at yourself, you cleared your throat.

“I’ve been up for a while actually,” sounding more certain you continued, “I was making you something.” You couldn’t make yourself look at him or meet his gaze. Right now you had wished you had just gone back to your room. You felt so small and the room felt like it was caving in, your nerves were getting the best of you.

“You made something for me?” his tone was questionable but sweet. He was always gentle with you as if you were so fragile you might break if his voice raised to loud.

“Yeah, today is um…, It’s Valentines Day,” you explained as you held the card with both hands in front of you. He tilted his head as he watched you, you had yet to look at him and from what he could tell, your heart was racing within you. Squinting his eyes, he stood up gracefully and walked to you.

“(Y/n), are you alright?” he asked as he gazed down at you cautiously. You didn’t think it would be possible, but your heart fluttered faster each time he spoke your name.

“Im fine,” you attempted to hide the lie as you nodded your head. Looking up, you finally met the vibrant blues ones that were staring down at you. Attempting a smile, you held the card out for him to take. His eyes stayed glued to yours a little longer than usual before flitting down to examine his gift.
Castiel took the card from you and his fingers grazed against your own, every time you felt his touch it felt as if tiny lightning bolts jolted through you. His eyes traced the light blue envelope, taking in the design of the embedded swirls before running his index finger over them.

“This is lovely, (y/n),” he explained before opening the seal.

“Its only just an envelope Cas,” you chuckled softly, impatiently waiting for him to get to the card.

“Anything from you is lovely, whether it is ‘just an envelope’ or not,” he answered, sharing a laugh with you. Your cheeks flared, feeling like a furnace. Gosh, the most slightest things from him could make you blush. He definitely noticed, just like every other time he talked with you but he decided to ignore it and continue opening his present. He peeled the sticker that held the envelope together and pulled the card from its holster. A surprised look appeared on his face as he took in every detail of what you had drawn; there was a heart in the middle of the front cover with his name. Castiel read his name, not in english, but enochian. You researched all about enochian translations, determined to spell everything correctly. Cas lifted his head and gave you a look you weren’t sure of, a look that you weren’t used to seeing.

“I spelled it wrong…didn’t I?” you questioned in defeat. Sighing, you cursed yourself for being so careless, you should of looked it over again just to double check.

“No,… you didn’t. You wrote it perfectly,” he gave, squinting and tilting his head once more. He couldn’t comprehend why you always brought yourself down. Especially with something like this, even if you had messed up at least you tried. But you didn’t mess up, his name was written perfectly in his native angelic language. Glancing up, you knitted your brow in confusion. Taking a step closer to him, you looked at the card questionably, as if you had never seen if before even though you were the one who made it. You really hoped he wasn’t just saying that to make you feel better, you wanted everything to be perfect.

“Are you sure?”

“I wouldn’t lie to you,” he admitted, glancing down into your (y/e/c) eyes. For some reason, a flashback of all the times he had crossed your mind. Like when he lied about the situation with the souls in Purgatory, or that time he extracted Ezekiel’s grace from Sam’s neck and he basically told on himself that he had in fact lied about a few things in the past. Cas shifted on his feet, glancing between his card and you before he caught on to what you were probably thinking.

“I have never lied to you, (Y/n). I have lied to the Winchesters, yes, but with you I’ve only ever been completely honest,” he cleared. A quick glance into his eyes and you could feel truth radiating from within them. Perhaps he hadn’t actually lied to you. You didn’t get involved in the arguments about Purgatory that one time, that was mainly between him, Sam, Dean, and Bobby. You remembered when Cas would tell the boys something that wound up being a lie, he would look at you only after he had told the lie, and the look on his face was nothing but pure sadness almost. Only now did it actually make sense and he was right, because every time he spoke lies, it hadn’t been directed towards you.

“I believe you Cas,” you remarked, a small hint of a smile forming on your lips. Before you realized, Cas’ thumb grazed your cheek, pushing a stray hair you hadn’t even noticed fell, back behind your ear. Your smile dropped at his touch, the reality of it becoming all too real. Why couldn’t he understand all the small hints you had dropped in the past? Why couldn’t he just be yours? Cas had never been even remotely intimate with you before, hell he barely even hugged you. But now, as you stood inches apart, he was being gentle and cute, romantic even. Now that you realize it, you and him and never really been alone before. You always made sure either of the brothers were around or someone, you were always too caught up in your feelings to trust yourself being alone with the angel. Not because you were going to do something to express your feelings, but you were afraid of embarrassing yourself in front of him. Embarrassment remained a constant battle you faced, especially if Cas was involved. Taking a step back, you tried to laugh it off, Cas was probably just being courteous removing the hair from your face; he probably didn’t mean anything by it. You could feel his eyes burning through you, but your cheeks were warm again and you didn’t want to bother looking up.

“There’s more on the inside,” you whispered, looking down as you fiddled with your own fingers. He watched you for a moment longer before turning his attention back to his card. Reading over his name once more, he smiled before opening it. You had sketched a picture of him sitting on a picnic blanket eating his favorite, a PB&J sandwich, the jars resting on the cloth beside him along with the knife. Though in the picture, his focus wasnt on the sandwich but on the bees that appeared to be just buzzing on by. You had used a graphite pencil, but you had used color on his eyes; everything else was monotone.
Cas’ eyes scanned over your art work, taking in the depth of your talent; it rendered him speechless. The angel didn’t know what to say, he thought it was absolutely amazing. He noticed words at the top of the page and he set his focus on reading it. All the while you stood there, unsure of everything. Should you really have done this? The letter at the top of the page read:

“No one said it would be easy; this life we live can get very difficult. But I owe it all to you,
for if it hadn’t been for you I wouldn’t be here. You mean more to me than you’ll ever know
and its not just because you’ve saved me, but you’ve helped me in more ways
than you’d understand. You’re special to me, angel. You always will be. Happy Valentines Day!”
Cas looked up at you from the card but you only continued to fiddle with your thumbs.

“You’re special to me too,” his tone was soft and in a whisper. You peeked up only to find him gazing back with a soft, warm smile. You smiled at him, not knowing what else to do. You could feel the knot rising in your throat and you knew you weren’t going to be able to keep this charade going. You needed to get out of there, it was getting harder to breathe.

“I think Im going to go lay down now.” you began to back away and immediately Cas wanted to protest. Just when he thought you had felt what he had hoped for, you seemed to be slipping from his grasp but he didn’t know what to say. What if you were just being kind? He didn’t want to risk what friendship he had with you, he couldn’t loose you. When you reached the door, he called out for you and hope sprang and elicited your whole being.

“(Y/n)…,” he called, turning back you could see he didn’t quite know what to say. It was then you realized that you probably put him in a difficult place. You shouldn’t of done this, now things might never be as they were. What if he didn’t want to be around you anymore? You couldn’t loose him, just the thought made you want to break in two.
“…, happy Valentines Day.” Those words slipped off his tongue as if he was unsure of what else to say. You tried your best to smile and you all but ran to your room after you had turned around. How could you be so stupid? Sure you didn’t exactly write that you loved him, but thats what he probably took it as and he surely did not feel the same. He probably thinks your crazy. Why would an angel want to be with a human anyway? Could you really blame him? Throwing yourself onto the bed, you felt empty; you were an absolute mess, wanting to cry yourself to sleep before you even realized just how tired you were.

——

After you had left, Cas watched the threshold from where you disappeared. Endless thoughts surrounding his head as he tried to understand your meaning. Maybe you were being friendly, and thats all you had intended. He wouldn’t be so lucky for you to love the way he did you. Taking a seat in his chair, he sat there thinking about everything that just happened. Completely forgetting the book he had been reading before, Cas couldn’t stop looking at his card. He loved it; he loved you. He took in the sight of himself eating the sandwich and watching the bees, he couldn’t help imagining having a picnic with you. Before he even realized, two hours had passes and Sam was up making coffee.

“Hey, what are you up to?” Sam questioned as he took a seat across from the angel, coffee in hand. Cas glanced up but his eyes went back to his gift.

“(Y/n)’s cards are extraordinary, don’t you think?” he questioned, looking up at the Winchester when he didn’t exactly respond.

“What are you talking about?” Sam’s eye brows knotted as he leaned in to get a closer look. “Wait, is that a valentines card?” He pressed, somehow becoming so serious in an instant. Cas tilted his head towards Sam’s disbelief and seriousness.

“Yes.” the angel responded. If Sam wasnt fully awake, he sure was now and the coffee had nothing to do with it. For years he had been telling you to just tell Cas how you felt, but you never would.

“(Y/n) gave that to you?” Sam was making sure before he said anything. If this was you trying to reach out to get Cas’ attention, then Sam was going to flat out tell him.

“Yes,” Castiel watched as Sam began to smile.

“When?” Sam realized he was probably getting too excited for the angel to understand, but this had gone on long enough. The Winchester was sure the angel had feelings for you but he was never one hundred percent sure.

“A couple hours ago,” Cas glanced back toward the door, missing you since the second you walked out of his view.

“What did she say?” the younger brother pressed.

“Not much, what did she say when she gave you yours?” Cas asked but Sam’s smile only grew.

“I didn’t get one” he answered, practically proud.

“What about Dean?” Cas didn’t want to give his hopes up.

“I don’t think he got one either.”

“Why not?”

“(Y/n) doesn’t do Valentines day. She never has. Out of all the years I’ve known her, you’re the first she’s gave a card to.” Sam explained matter of factly, smile still lining his lips.

“Why?

“Seriously Cas, does it have to be written out directly on that card?” Dean entered, still half asleep but aware of what was going on.

“She’s in love with you,” Sam finished. You had never talked to Dean about your feelings and Sam respected your wishes of not saying anything to anyone else. So if Dean could see how helpless you were, why couldn’t the clueless angel that sat in front of him? Cas thought it over for a second. Could it be true? He sure as hell wanted it to be.

“You’re sure?” he searched both of them for any indications that they were joking, not that he was very good at identifying humor.

“Dude, she’s absolutely smitten with you; wearing her heart on her sleeve, a blind man could see it. Hell, mom asked the other day if you two had something going on.” Dean stated and Sam looked up interested in the new information; even their mom knew. Cas thought about everything they were saying. Now it made sense and he was sure of it this time. He hadn’t been overthinking things, you always blushed around him because of him, everything became clear.

“I have to go,” Cas explained before instantly vanishing, his trench and suit jacket remained on the table but he took his card with him.

“Go be with your Valentine,” Dean added even though the angel was gone. Sam glanced up at his brother who wore a dork of a smile.

“I thought you said no chick-flick moments?” Sam questioned, a chuckle escaping him.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean’s face drew serious as he stood and stalked off towards the kitchen.

——

The smell of fresh roses awoke you. Stretching before you opened your eyes, you didn’t think anything of it. Not until you saw the blue eyes that had captured your heart, sitting beside you on your mattress. On your night stand was a vase with a dozen roses and there was a card for you beside them. Looking between the roses and the angel, you opened your mouth to say something but he spoke before you could have the chance.

"I love you,” Cas admitted, his eyes peering into your own. Was this a dream?
"I realize now, I should of said that earlier. I just wasn’t sure that this is what you meant. I didn’t want to risk…,” before he could finish, you sat up and captured his lips with your own. Immediately, he returned the action and you wrapped your arms around his neck pulling him closer. When the kiss broke, you couldn’t help but stare into his eyes. Everything you’ve ever wanted was sitting in front of you, admitting he reciprocated feelings for you.

“I love you too, Cas,” you smiled brightly, bigger than you had in a very long time. This perhaps was the biggest smile he had ever seen from you and it made him complete knowing he was the reason for your happiness.

“I got you these,” he pointed at the roses and reached for your card. You kept smiling, leaning over to smell the essence of the flowers.

“They’re lovely,” you gave giggling, knowing that’s what he had said to you earlier.

“Not as lovely as you,” he whispered and your eyes met his. Leaning in to kiss him again, you lost yourself in him. You never wanted to let him go. When you finally pulled away this time, he gave you one quick peck on the lips before placing one on the tip of your nose and your forehead, making you giggle again. This all seemed too good to be true. He began to laugh with you before he handed you his card. Sitting up straight, you opened it wondering what it would say.

“Its not easy, this life is very difficult. But its worth it, all because of you. You’ve made me feel
welcome in times I felt I had no one else. You’ve given me purpose, without you I’d be nothing.
I don’t want to see a day without you in it. You’re special to me, my (y/n). You always will be.
Will you be mine?”

Glancing back towards the angel, tears welled in your eyes. You could only nod in that moment, for the tears unleashed down your cheeks. Cas’s thumb cupped your chin and wiped them away before they could stain your cheeks.

“There’s nothing I want more than to be yours, Castiel, and for you to be mine,” smiling, you kissed him again. This was the perfect Valentines Day, the best one you’ve ever had. You got your angel after all. The angel pulled you to him, holding you against him as if he’d never ever let you go.

“Mine,” he sighed happily, snuggling you closer.

“Forever,” you added, closing your eyes. All the worry from early was gone. You finally received your happy ending, though this was only the beginning.

anonymous asked:

On the subject of dying, do you think Mary is going to die by the end of this season?

Well - real life aside, it depends on Mary’s narrative arc, and the problem is, I’m not sure we even know what’s going on with that? At least, it’s not clear to me.

In the beginning, Mary used to be unsettled and how of place, so my gut reaction was, Okay, she’s getting the ‘wronged ghost’ arc - I assumed she didn’t want to stay on Earth, or that she wouldn’t be allowed to stay on Earth, but since there was still something tethering her here, she wasn’t ready to let go. As to what that something was - getting to know her kids, perhaps? Protecting them form the supernatural in the way she hadn’t managed to all those years ago? But then, the character evolved. Now she’s working with the BMoL, and she seems plenty okay with where she is and how she’s fitting in, so narratively things have gotten more complicated. Also, we already know she’d die for her kids, so that point, which would have been a classical end of season conclusion, is moot. 

(Although, interestingly enough, she would sacrifice her kids, and herself, for a chance of completing ‘the mission’, so that’s some food for thought.)

And, sure, one could argue that Mary’s purpose in joining the BMoL ties in with her ‘original’ narrative purpose, because it’s about ridding the world of monsters and therefore save her kids, but I think there’s more to it than that. What Ketch said about Dean? Well, he wasn’t wrong - he just wasn’t talking to the right Winchester. Because Dean is not like that -

The Men of Letters is an excellent fit for someone with our - inclinations. You’re a killer, Dean Winchester, and so am I. And if we go too long without something to track or trap or punch or gut, well, things get a bit ugly. Don’t they?

- but I’m starting to think Mary is. I’m sure we’ve all noticed how her hunting style has changed over the past few weeks. In the very beginning, she was set in her old ways and also oddly gentle, like her sons get when they realize monsters are not completely at fault (I’m thinking in particular about her relationship with that ghost kid). But now, all of that is gone. She dresses in tactical black, carries every gadget she can find, accepts leadership and orders instead of wandering off on her own, knows all the lingo and terminology she needs to communicate with her squad, and monsters - they’re just a pest, things to be killed. Bloodsuckers, she called those vampires they exterminated.  

(Cut to a young girl, desperate and terrified: “They’re all dead.”)

In assuming what is shaping up to be also Cas’ trope this season - the soldier who’s seen too much war and now can’t do without - Mary’s arc changes radically. As far as I know, that story has no happy ending. The thing mostly goes, Man oh man, it was so bad over there, I’m happy to be here (with you) again - and then what follows is, in the best case, nightmares and unhappiness and a sort of frenzied edginess; in the worst, a hasty return to the battlefield. That’s basically the plot of The Hurt Locker, of Sherlock (in a way), of the entire 24 franchise. And it’s so hard to find a happy ending because the challenge the character needs to overcome is inside their mind, not out, and is fed not only by their craving of combat (that ‘purity’ Dean also struggled with), but also what comes with it: the adrenaline rush, those ‘tighter than blood’ friendships, and the feeling of doing something right, useful, acutely needed. In fiction, this trope is often very similar to the struggle of the drug addict, of the alcoholic, because this is what it’s all about: an addiction.

So, look, I don’t know. Mary didn’t seem particularly taken with motherhood and a normal life the first time around, so I doubt she’ll do a Jody and try to start a family again. On the other hand, she can’t stay in the Bunker, because there’s no way the show will ever be about that, and we know it well by now. She could die, but it’d seem cheap, petty, almost, to bring her back in such a momentous way to kill her off after a handful of episodes. My guess is that the rest of this season will show Mary (and Sam) picked the wrong side, and it will all end in blood and heartache, and Mary will run away at the end, or disappear, so we can explore all sort of painful mirrors next season - stuff like, Should we go after her? and She doesn’t want us to find her and She killed Jody, man (just saying whatever here, hope it doesn’t come down to that) and, inevitably, But she’s mom. And, I don’t know - why did Sam and Dean try so hard to find John in S1 again? Because Sam wanted to get his hands on John’s new intel on Yellow Eyes so he could kill him, and Dean - Dean was motivated, as he always is, by a twin need to both look after his family and not be left alone. Like, Dean went to find Sam because he couldn’t deal with life on his own and also because he was downright worried about John, however little he said about that. Here was an unpredictable drunk, the only parent he’d ever known, going off after a demon on his own. That was a death sentence for sure. But now - if Mary were to disappear, that would really show how these characters have grown. Now, they understand how hollow revenge is; they both said as much in The Chitters. They also know hunting’s a job, not a mission, and that one day - hopefully - they’ll get out of it. They understand (sort of) that adults make their own decisions; that you’re not responsible for other people’s lives.

I hope this sort of makes sense? This is not (exactly) what I’d like for this story, but I’m just trying to be realistic. If Mary doesn’t die, which, as I said, doesn’t seem likely, then we’ll need a good reason for her to be absent most of next season, because that’s how Supernatural works, and I hope they’ll not have her just river gambling or whatever - I’m hoping for some solid explanation for her absence, and from the way things are shaping up, it looks like whatever it is, it’ll be very unpleasant.  

Imagine being Mama Winchester...

A/n: John doesn’t die in this one, he is alive, and hunting, and as you could guess from the title dating you, [Y/N] Singer. 

Originally posted by negandarylsatisfaction

Originally posted by thewincheters

Originally posted by soluscheese

 "Mary.“ John hissed as you closed the door to the bunker, your long time lover looking over the banister of the stairs leading into the open area storing the map table. 

Looking at him, you could see how his knuckles turned white, his face losing its color as he looked hard into the space. 

"John.” You heard a woman’s voice, a softness to it as drifted to your ears, a tone of love to it. 

“Dad, see the hunt went well.” You could hear the awkwardness in Sam’s voice as you pressed yourself against the door, not daring to move into sight, knowing what was waiting below, for John Winchester was not returning from a hunt…. 

“Ummmm yeah, had to work undercover at a elite party, figured I would dress the part. 6 vamps, bitches to kill.” He replied as he loosened the tie. 

“Well please come downstairs, I would love to catch up with you.” The woman responded, causing John to loosen his hold on the banister, and turn slightly towards the stairs, catching sight of you against the door, your own face matching his in paleness. And then he started down the stairs, leaving you alone by the door. 

“Oh how I have missed you.” The female said, you could hear her walking against the floor. 

“Yeah, I’ve missed you too." 

 "Our boys tell me you have become quite the hunter. Even said you escaped death a few times, and helped save the world." 

"Yeah, Mary how are you…" 

 "That doesn’t matter, what is important is that we can be a family again, and the boys can finally have a mother. Now what do you say we all go get some pie at the diner…" 

"NO!” John shouted, your body sliding softly down the door, he didn’t want Mary to see you, you were a secret, a mystery, and as far as Mary knew, not the girlfriend of John Winchester. 

“I mean I’m tired, and I know there is a nice home made pie in the fridge that the boys and I picked up at a farmers market,” (more like you made it for John and the boys), “why not we go to the kitchen and get it, while the boys go get my bag, I think I left it by the door.” John instructed before the sound of footsteps began and faded quickly. 

The silence quickly filled however by the sound of the two giants bounding up the stairs, halting upon reaching the top. 

“Mom….” Dean started, however he stopped at the sound of your sob. 


“I hate school. I don’t wanna go back.” A 16 year old Dean snapped at you as you prepared a pie for the evening in the motel. He slammed himself into the chair, as he did. 

“Well we both know that your father won’t accept that, so why don’t you tell me what’s wrong.” You turned from the crust and sat across from the young adult. 

“We all have to present a paper on the most influential person in our lives tomorrow, to the parents. What are we 5?" 

"Well I am sure they have their reasoning behind it. Besides this should be easy for you, just tell a funny story about your dad and…" 

"Yeah, let me tell the whole school about how me and my dad kill the supernatural, sure it will go over great." 

"Well no, but you could talk about…" 

"I’m not doing it." 

"Fine, you don’t have to, but you still have to go, unless you want your father to never let you have the car again.” You replied before getting up, “now would you like to help me with the pie?“ 

 That morning you got both teens up, lunches already packed for them, along with backpacks. Breakfast sat out on the table. 

"So your father said he would be home by the end of the week, and then I think him, Bobby and Rufus are gonna work a case.” You dictated the message you were left to the two boys. 

“So we get to stay with Uncle Bobby?" 

 "Yes Sammy, and what have I said about talking with a mouth full of food?" 

"Sorry mom.” Sam sighed. 

“I don’t get why you call her that.” Dean snapped. 

“Call her what?” Sam innocently asked 

“Mom. She isn’t your mother, she died remember." 

"Yeah I remember, and I also know [Y/N] has basically raised us since before her and Dad were together, so to me she is mom." 

"That is only cause you don’t remember what Mom was really like, I do! And she isn’t it.” He snapped before looking at you harshly, “and she never will be." 

"Dean.” You hissed back, trying to conceal the tears from your eyes and the lump in your throat as he took his still full plate of food and dumped it out. 

“Sam I’ll wait for you in the car.” And with that the door slammed, lunch still on the counter. 

 After crying for most of the morning, you got dressed up and headed to the school gymnasium, where many couples filled the room, talking amongst themselves about how their child wrote their paper about them. You took a seat in the third row, as a middle aged woman turned her head towards you, “I’m sorry, you must be lost, this is a parent only event, gym has been cancelled." 

"No I am in the right spot, my boyfriend’s son just transferred here, unfortunately he couldn’t get off of work to be here, but I came to show l support to his son." 

 "Oh.” The disgust clear on her face as she turned away from you. 

 And then one by one each student filed out and read their paper; parents and students beaming as they did. 

“And finally Dean Winchester.” The teacher announced as he slowly walked out on stage, his eyes scanning the crowd, hoping as always for his father, yet they only met yours, you could see the disappointment yet acceptance in his face. 

And as he got to the front of the stage, he inhaled and exhaled…. 

 "Hey, I’m Dean, most of you don’t know me, and most of you won’t have the time to know me. I am sure too a shit ton of you are all expecting me to talk about my father, so here you go. My Dad is a shitty dad, I mean yeah he loves my brother and I but he is still shitty at being a dad. See when We were little my brother and I lost our mother, and my father became obsessed with finding her killer, and stopped really taking care of us. He has missed all the important shit, birthdays, holidays, school functions, he’ll he missed my little brother’s performance as tree #4 when he was in pre-school. So yeah I love him, but this isn’t going to be about him, it is going to be about my mom.“ 

 You smiled at the thought of Dean talking about Mary, she would have been… 

"Now I know you all heard me say moments ago that she died, and I was four, so how has she had an impact on my life. See family is more then blood and when I was 7 my father told my brother and I that we were going to see a lot more of a woman who voluntarily watched us for years, she was the daughter of our dad’s best friend. She had never missed a single thing, a single big moment in our lives. She was the one who clapped the loudest when my brother said his one line in the play as tree #4, she is the one who every year makes me a pecan pie for my birthday, and a vanilla cake for my brothers, she makes sure we are fed, doing our work, and just happy kids. She talked my father into taking her car, just so that I could drive my brother and I to school everyday in his Impala. She is even sitting here right now, listening to me rant about her, after this morning I told her she would never be as good as my mother, which is true. She is better." 

 And then he jumped off the stage, and towards your seat at the end of the row, you rose as he opened his arms and engulfed your crying self in his arms. And from that day on, he always called you Mom. 

"Mom.” He whispered as you raised your red rimmed eyes towards him, “Is it really…" 

"Yeah.” Sam responded as each boy sat on either side of you. 

 "So I guess I should go pack my stuff then.“ You whispered, both Sam and Dean pulling you back down as you tried to stand. 

"No. Dad would be a fool to choose her over you, besides she seems like a real bitch anyway." 

"Dean, this is all you have ever wanted though, your family is back together." 

"It was together before she showed up. You are our family." 

"Family is more then just blood.” Sam quoted, as you smiled slightly. 

However the moment was ruined when John screamed up the stairs, “Honey, can you come here a second?" 

"Honey?” Mary questioned as both Sam and Dean helped you up, and then walked to the banister with you, Mary’s eyes widening in shock as Dean said, “Mary, meet the woman Sammy and I consider our mother." 


"So she is gone.” You whispered to John, as you held an ice pack to his newly forming black eye. 

“Yeah, for now.” He chuckled. 

“Guess she really didn’t like the fact that you moved on." 

"Yeah. But I am glad I did, and that the boys love you enough to consider you better then Mary." 

"They are good kids John. You did well raising…" 

"We both know you are the only one I can thank for raising my boys.” John whispered , his hands cradling your hips as you smiled, “I guess now though the surprise is ruined." 

"What surprise?" 

"Well the plan was to come home and the boys were going to decorate the world table, with pie and roses, an old boom box was going to play the Floyd 8-track, and I was going to give ya this, even though it is a few decades too late.” He reached in the right pocket of the jacket and removed a small black box, “and then I was gonna ask if you would still be interested in marrying this old bastard. And I was hoping you would say…”

“Yes.” You interrupted as you leaned forward and kissed him, it was long and gentle, and rudely interrupted. 

“Gross, stop making out in my kitchen.” Dean joked as you both pulled apart, a smile on your face. 

You couldn’t have been happier.

anonymous asked:

I can't wait for Dean to enter the amnesia phase! Dean and Cas formed a strangely intense relationship from the beginning and I wonder how Sam's gonna describe Cas.

Aaaah it’s now almost certain that that line from the last Shaving People Punting Things promo was from 12x11 - the “my name is Dean Winchester, blah blah Sam and Mary, a-and Cas- Castiel is my *wibble* best friend” line that nearly killed us all even completely out of context. Since there was 2 episodes between us and it I was trying not to get too excited I was trying not to pin my hopes on it being exactly what it sounded, but without rewatching the promo I think 12x11 may be the only episode left in it that we’ve yet to see stuff from. It’s also always kinda been the logical episode to have Dean reminding himself of who his nearest and dearest are but there you go, this is my 3rd year of watching with fandom, I’ve learned not to trust promos as far as I can throw them :P

There’s this post from last night squeeing about the line here:

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/156999800760/nerdylittleshit-ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh-i-just

And now I’m just enjoying the detail that Sam will almost certainly be responsible both times for using the word “friend” to describe Benjamin & his vessel and Cas and Dean… Like, in 12x10 there was one of those weighty pauses where everyone immediately thinks “…oh. They were in love” and then someone goes and uses “friend” - we’re not exactly unfamiliar with that sort of pause when it comes to Dean n Cas stuff, either… 

I do think Sam’s maybe a bit more certain about misdiagnosing Dean and Cas as BFFs because he’s had way more time to think about it than trying to work out the correct word for - well, *I’m* not sure about the correct relationship description for an angel and its vessel and I’ve been thinking about it all week :P - so it will seem more natural to him to call Cas that. So I won’t be too bummed if Sam is really chill about the concept, because as much as we talk about shipper!Sam, and he’s used as the punchline of a LOT of jokes about Dean n Cas’s behaviour throughout the years to sell it that they’re old-married-couple arguing, that is kind of a trick for the viewers at home to be in on, not necessarily a comment that Sam ACTUALLY thinks that. I mean, he probably still thinks Dean is STRAIGHT can you IMAGINE. 

I don’t think this episode is gonna expose Bi!Dean but like with 10x12, going back with Dean into his past was used as the most overt exploration of Dean vs repression and how the whole performing!Dean thing worked, and gave us the cipher of the cake which got way more mileage than we expected, because season 10 actually was fairly good at breaking Dean down for us, though I think the way season 11 and 12 have been putting him back together is far more enjoyable watching… Anyway, this is a great second chance to take a crack at what 10x12 started, and to make Dean well and truly vulnerable. They were comparing the episode to Yellow Fever, of which I have written a whole bunch as part of my wide-ranging “Still not over the Siren Episode” series of metas: 

http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/151056070938/shower-thoughts-harping-on-season-4-because-being

The main point I guess being the one about how it intentionally turned Dean inside out in front of Sam to make him look extremely vulnerable. In front of season 4 Sam, whose entire arc was built around feeling strong - and specifically stronger than Dean - and falling down the rabbit hole based on those feelings - those 2 episodes are really bad for Sam’s perception of Dean in that immediate moment because they’re stepping stones to make Sam think Dean’s not just lost his edge but is completely incapable of stopping the apocalypse and Sam is the only one strong enough to do it. Aka, Sam is in the worst place in the world to benefit with positive lessons from watching Dean get turned inside out in front of him. In 10x12, again Sam is all caught up in saving Dean, even so far as wondering if abruptly having to deal with having an extremely mouthy little brother until he grows back up into an extremely mouthy adult at the normal speed these things happen, was actually preferable to Dean with the Mark. Again, he’s on a descent arc that again plays off him being, well, the responsible adult, because that episode wasn’t a metaphor for the wider picture or anything :P - the burden of saving Dean from the Mark is a distraction and a weight on him and the whole Taylor Swift moment at the end shows how he’s not learned anything about Dean from the experience, and in the wider picture, carries on down his path and trying to save Dean his way (when Dean seems to have given up shortly after), so Sam is basically left to make the decision about how to save Dean on his own (and his isolated thinking is highlighted by deliberately leaving Cas out of the decision making process even though they’d seemed to be on the same page for a while). 

Anyway! In season 12 guess what we have another Winchester off making the bad decisions! Sam and Dean are freeeeeee (and, uh, should probably be concerned about what their mom is doing but that’s a problem for another episode :P) - since the middle of season 11 Sam hasn’t had the sort of burden on him that he’s carried on and off for most of the show (seriously, like, the last quarter of season 7 is the only other time I can think of Sam didn’t have a Thing outside of just being along for the ride with the main plot) - Sam can be concerned about Dean, but since the start of season 12 he ALSO doesn’t have anything wrong with him, internally or externally, and so they’re kind of in a healing and growth stage (this has been also achieved by letting Cas have all the awful happen to him >.>) Anyway, all that means that now we get one of those episodes that emotionally eviscerates Dean, in front of Sam, and Sam doesn’t have any roadblock to understanding and learning about Dean except for all the emotional walls Dean’s put up to keep him out that will baffle Sam with their absence (the sneak peek scene shows Sam missing a ton of really huge neon flags that we can see from miles off because we know Dean from this outside perspective Sam has not got the luxury of) or reasons Sam will be too distracted or take developments completely the wrong way to actually genuinely understand what Dean is going through and what these things mean… 

He’s going from a standing start though, so I expect he’s going to catch maybe like 1/10th or less of all the things we might be able to explain about Dean, but even so :P 

… Anyway all’s that to say is that Sam is going to probably write down a list of everyone Dean absolutely has to remember: Himself - brother, Mary - mom, Castiel - best friend, and leave Dean with it. And then we get DEAN’S delivery on that line which we have very hopefully already heard for ourselves (or we have wasted a lot of ink on this :P) and Deana stumbles over the concept of “Castiel - best friend” with all that stammering and wobbling voice that we’ve heard. And there’s going to be the difference in how Sam describes Cas and how Dean thinks of him, or is confused about how he’s supposed to apparently think of him :’D

ALTL Part 45

gif is not mine

Title: ALTL Part 45

Pairing: Gabriel x Reader

Word Count: 1,292

Warnings: angst & fluff

A/N: I’ll be out and about today for a little bit, but I’d love to hear what you think about this chapter! I love you all so much! Feedback is welcomed and appreciated <3

The masterlist to this series can be found HERE!

The car ride to the store was quiet.  Gabriel tried his best to comfort you.  Even his wings couldn’t bring that beautiful smile back to your face.  He almost felt defeated.  However, Gabriel wasn’t one to quit; not on you at least.

As you pulled into a parking spot, you quickly got out of the car.  It wasn’t that you didn’t want to talk to Gabriel, because you did.  You weren’t sure how to bring it up.  You felt like it didn’t matter that much.  Everyone else seemed happy, except for you.

Gabriel grabbed a basket, holding it in his hand.  His fingertips barely brushed against your hand, in an attempt to hold your hand.  When you reached for his hand and intertwined your fingers with his, he couldn’t help the smile that formed on his lips.

Keep reading

Wishes

Summary: It was your birthday and of all the things you wanted, you got the one wish you never thought possible.

Pairings: AU!Damon x Reader x AU!Dean

Warnings: swearing, threesome smut, DETAILED SMUT. 

Word Count: 4356 What have I done

So… this has been an idea that’s in my mind and I finally had the ‘guts’ to write it. Enjoy imagining being in between two insanely hot guys.

(gifs not mine, credits to owners)

A lot of girls in your school would kill to be in your position. You had two of your university’s hottest football players as you best friends. You didn’t lack in the looks department as well. You were a cheerleader but you were also part of the school’s honor roll. And they weren’t the typical ‘I’m a football player who hates studying’. You were in a science major, Dean in an engineering major, and Damon in a math major.

Keep reading

Don’t Go

Originally posted by steals-dreams

Pairing: SamxReaderxDean
Word count: 2,161
Warnings: None
Author: Brittiny
Request: @philthepegacorn Okay, so Y/n is a writer of the show Supernatural (part of the alternate universe in the French Mistake) and she get transported to the actual SPN universe. Everyone loves her -she wrote them so she knows them better than anybody- and she turns out to be a bad ass hunter because of all her research and knowledge of the monsters. Not necessarily that she can fight. Their mission is to get her back to her old life. Even though none of them want her to go. And she ends up liking it there and stays.
A/N: I was told I could pick the pairing, or make it poly. So, of course I went poly :P I didn’t include much hunting, however. I’m sorry T.T


Walking off the set, you waved goodbye to your coworkers. It had been another long day. Between writing up a new script, and making slight changes to the one they were currently filming, you were grateful for the weekend. Sliding into your car, you cracked your back before buckling up. Your car was nothing fancy, a simple 2012 Toyota. Pulling out of the parking lot, you hummed to yourself.

It was a peaceful drive home, and you enjoyed the sunset on your balcony with a glass of wine. It was just another day for you. You crawled into bed at ten, just like every other night.

The next morning was entirely different.

Keep reading

5.13: Angels are watching over you…

Anna gatecrashes Dean’s dream. Awkward. Tries to plant suspicion of Cas, but Dean… trusts Cas and tells him everything.

Anna wants to stop the apocalypse by killing him in such a way that he could never be resurrected, but Cas insists they “Find another way.” And then reports back to Sam and Dean (who ask if Anna has a point here), but Cas is clearly already 100% on Team Winchester. He can see that yes, Anna does have a point, but he’s more ready to sacrifice Anna– an angel he’s known and been close with for MILLIONS OF YEARS– than Sam.

If Anna can’t get to Sam in the present because Cas is protecting him, she decides to try going to the past, to kill Mary before Sam can even be born.

(Sam experiences his first Angel Booping)

(Dean puts Cas up in the Honeymoon Suite for five nights with a Do Not Disturb Under Any Circumstances order… like did the desk clerk dude think Dean was gonna be up there with him?)

MARY: I don’t do that anymore. I have a normal life now. You have to go.
MARY moves to close the door. DEAN holds an arm out to stop her.
DEAN: I’m sorry, but this is important, okay?

(surrrrre Mary. You don’t do that anymore)

Mary has let John believe that Samuel died of a “heart attack.” I wonder how she explained how her mother died the same night? Either way, it’s interesting that it’s JOHN who really wants Sam and Dean to stay for dinner, because he hasn’t met much of Mary’s side of the family. Which further proves that it was John with the notions of family that have formed the basis for Dean’s definition of what family is.

Mary picks up an angel blade for the first time, and John has his first encounter with the Supernatural, prefacing the Most Awkward Family Road Trip ever.

Poor John trying to pretend that all of this is just fiiiiine, that learning that angels and demons are real and your wife and her entire family have been monster hunters going back generations and this is the first you’re hearing about it is just another Tuesday… And just defiantly accepting all of this and making himself useful. Maybe next time don’t just angrily draw the knife across your own palm like that. There’s a reason Sam and Dean usually cut their forearm instead of their hand… best not to have injured hands if you’re gonna be in a fight situation, you know?

(as a Marine he really should’ve know that already…)

(still, for grumpy defiance while still cooperating with this huge pile of insanity that was just dumped on him like this, I’d say he was doing pretty well for himself okay)

(enough for Dean to comment that this version of John really reminds him of his dad… >.>)

SAM: Uh…I wanted to say I—I’m sorry about all this. I—I know it’s a lot.
JOHN: Look, how long have you known about this…hunting stuff?
SAM: Pretty much forever. My dad raised me in it.
JOHN: You’re serious? Who the hell does that to a kid?
SAM: Well, I mean, for the record, Mary’s parents did.
JOHN: I don’t care. You know, what kind of irresponsible bastard lets a child anywhere near—Y-you know, you could’ve been killed!

(without knowing it, John judges his future self really harshly…)

SAM: I used to be mad at him. I—I mean, I used to… I used to hate the guy. But now I—I… I get it. He was…just doing the best he could. And he was trying to keep it together in—in—in this impossible situation. See… My mom, um… She was amazing, beautiful, and she was the love of his life. And she got killed. And…I think he would have gone crazy if he didn’t do something. Truth is, um, my dad died before I got to tell him that I understand why he did what he did. And I forgive him for what it did to us. I do. And I just—I love him.

Meanwhile, Anna calls down Uriel and LIES TO HIS FACE:

ANNA: In the future, these people are going to kill you, Uriel. I’m giving you the chance to kill them first.

(heeey who killed Uriel, Anna? Oh, right. YOU DID.)

Dean has his first “convince Mary he’s who he says he is” moment, just like the one in 12.01… 

MARY: I raised my kids to be hunters?
DEAN: No. No, you didn’t.
MARY: How could I do that to you?
DEAN: You didn’t do it. Because you’re dead.

And it seems that’s the WORST thing she can imagine. Not that she dies, not that John becomes a hunter too, but that her kids grow up to hunt themselves.

SAM: Listen, you think you can have that normal life that you want so bad, but you can’t. I’m sorry. It’s all gonna go rotten. You are gonna die, and your children will be cursed.
MARY: There—there has to be a way.

And Dean only gets one second to realize that there’s two of him in that room, because Mary’s already pregnant with him… before Uriel shows up to kill them. But then Michael shows up to save them. Because apparently despite Anna’s orders from Heaven, Michael still wants this Apocalypse to happen. Not just to kill Sam so Lucifer can’t have his vessel, but he really WANTS the whole thing to go down as planned.

DEAN: Oh, I get it. You got beef with your brother. Well, get some therapy, pal. Don’t take it out on my planet!
MICHAEL: You’re wrong. Lucifer defied our father, and he betrayed me. But still…I don’t want this any more than you would want to kill Sam.
MICHAEL turns away.
MICHAEL: You know, my brother, I practically raised him. I took care of him in a way most people could never understand, and I still love him.
MICHAEL turns back.
MICHAEL: But I am going to kill him because it is right and I have to.
DEAN: Oh, because God says so?
MICHAEL: Yes. From the beginning, he knew this was how it was going to end.
DEAN: And you’re just gonna do whatever God says.
MICHAEL: Yes, because I am a good son.

And this conversation right here is EXACTLY why I give zero fucks about Lucifer suddenly being labeled as “the older brother.” Well, this in combination with everything else we’ve ever learned about archangels going all the way back to 4.18 and Cas’s warning to Dean, that “archangels are fierce. They’re absolute. They’re heaven’s most terrifying weapon.” They’re also sort of the antithesis of Free Will.

Michael’s loyalty, Lucifer’s rebellion. Raphael’s s6 insistence of restarting the apocalypse… (sure Gabriel broke the mold a bit, mainly because he’d always been stuck in the middle between Michael’s loyalty and Lucifer’s rebellion, but he was the biggest proponent of “Play Your Roles” in the history of the show. Gabriel was always the one trying to just get the whole apocalypse over with. Because he always knew how it was intended to end– one of his brothers would have to kill the other.

Exactly the way Lucifer convinced Cain that he must kill his brother.

Exactly the way Cain tried to convince Dean that he would have to kill his brother.

HELL EXACTLY THE WAY JOHN TOLD DEAN HE WOULD HAVE TO KILL SAM.

From the moment Chuck entrusted Lucifer with the Mark of Cain and locked away the Darkness, THIS BECAME THE SCRIPT. This literally became the story God was writing, and to the archangels that meant that this became their reality. This became their roles, and Michael and Lucifer both played their roles.

But EVERYTHING about them playing their roles came down to Dean Winchester saying NO to this, to denying God’s plan for him. Just as much as Castiel has always been a spanner in the works for Heaven, Dean has been the same for Humanity. And they’ve both been there for each other to help defy God’s Plan, to unravel the script and rewrite it over and over again.

In doing so, Dean broke free from his destiny, from the script to be nothing more than another iteration of the old script. Taking on the Mark of Cain and overturning THAT part of his “destiny” and his family’s legacy was just the next step (and he couldn’t have done that part on his own… he still needed Sam to step up and say NO, along with Cas).

After the Darkness was free, Sam almost gave in to take on that destiny for himself (taking on the Mark himself, thereby starting the whole cycle over again but with Lucifer in the role of the “first son,” since Lucifer was on the scene and NOT being offered the responsibility of taking on the Mark again… 

But Lucifer is still an archangel, he’s still “absolute,” and he still has no idea what to do with Free Will. He has no script, he has no role to play. So for the first time in his entire existence, he IS the “big brother.” With Michael in the cage, his link to his “true vessel” severed by Dean’s rejection of it, he’s become “lesser than.”

We’ve gone off script here, and Lucifer’s learning that in this post-destiny world with Chuck having relinquished the earth to Humanity, he can write his own script just like everyone else. And this is Lucifer’s story now.

(I mean, from Lucifer’s pov here, not that SPN is now the Luci Show, because no it’s obviously not…)

Because to an archangel, there is no such thing as free will:

MICHAEL: Think of a million random acts of chance that let John and Mary be born, to meet, to fall in love, to have the two of you. Think of the million random choices that you make, and yet how each and every one of them brings you closer to your destiny. Do you know why that is? Because it’s not random. It’s not chance. It’s a plan that is playing itself out perfectly. Free will’s an illusion, Dean. That’s why you’re going to say yes. Oh, buck up. It could be worse. You know, unlike my brothers, I won’t leave you a drooling mess when I’m done wearing you.

(Yeah, sure, Michael. I mean, how long did y’all plan all this BS out? How hard did y’all have to work to make sure Sam and Dean were born? And that they would be raised to be hunters, to be born, bred, raised, and trained to be the Ultimate Vessels? 

just see Cas in 4.16:  Strange. Strange how a leaky pipe can undo the work of angels when we ourselves are supposed to be the agents of fate.

yeah, angels are the “agents of fate,” moving the playing pieces into position and setting up the apocalypse…)

DEAN: Team Free Will. One ex-blood junkie, one dropout with six bucks to his name, and Mr. Comatose over there. It’s awesome.
SAM: It’s not funny.
DEAN: I’m not laughing.

Fresh Start - Birthday Boy

A/N: Part 24 of my Fresh Start series. This is a Mechanic!Dean x Single mom!Reader AU. After this there is just one chapter left, and then I plan on doing an epilogue. I love making this story, and I love all the amazing feedback i’ve gotten. Thanks to my awesome  and ever patient beta @thorne93 for sticking with me through all of this series, you are the best.  

Characters: Dean x Reader, Beth, Sam, and a bunch others that are mentioned.

Warnings. FLUFF!!! And some drinking, but I think that’s it.

Wordcount: 1862

*Not my GIF*

Originally posted by hunterchesters

“I love the smell of pancakes in the morning.” Dean wrapped his arms around you from behind and placed a tender kiss to your neck.

“I know,” you smiled, turning around in his arms. “Happy birthday.” You raised up on your tiptoes and kissed his lips.

“Happy birthday, Dean,” Beth shouted as she came running through the kitchen. Dean crouched down and accepted the hug she offered him. “I have a present for you, but mom says I have to wait until later,” she pouted.

“We best listen to your mom then,” Dean said, lifting her up with him as he stood.

January had been a busy month so far, with Dean moving in and the construction starting on the gallery, so you were very much looking forward to all spending the day together. Almost all day. Dean had to go into work to confirm an order and sign off on some other paperwork and you were going to go shopping and make a nice lunch for all of you, even Beth was staying home from school.

“Maybe the two of you can set the table? Breakfast is almost done.”

It was nice to have a morning without any stress. Beth and Dean were involved in a hefty discussion about something they had watched on TV last night and you just sat back and enjoyed the moment, watching them grow closer together.

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I Knew it Was a Bad Idea (But I Did it Anyway)

Summary: You left Sam fourteen years ago to try and give your daughter a normal life, but she is determined to find him. When you have to go and get her from the bunker… You almost lose your resolve.
Word Count: 3,468
Pairing: Sam x Reader; Sam & Your Daughter
Warning: None
A/N: If you like guys like maybe I’ll make a second part ^-^
“I” is your daughter, Elizabeth Casey, everyone else is in third person, this is a reader insert.
Also, a little bit of help, what tags should I use, or, what tags do you guys look for the most when you’re looking for this kind of thing. I’m still trying to figure out how to tag things.
Much love, hope you enjoy
Isabelle

Sam and Dean were sitting at a table doing research when someone knocked on the door. Dean and Sam locked eyes, each asking if the other had invited someone.

Dean took point, gun in hand and Sam right behind him, where he’d be hidden behind the open door.


So, I knew that it was a bad idea. I knew that, I just didn’t care. Mom would be pissed, so pissed, but you know what, this was what we both needed. To see Dad. Or, Sam, I guess I can’ trust call him Dad, or maybe I can. I’m not sure how that actually works.

Well, Dad/Sam was in for a surprise, if he was alive. Let’s be honest though, he’s alive. I know that he is. He has to be.

If Sam weren’t alive, that’d be a weird thing to leave out of the books.

So, if Sam and Dean weren’t dead yet, they’d probably be here, at this super secret bunker whose location a thirteen year old girl could find. Of course, I’m a very persistent thirteen year old girl.

I knocked on the door and waited, expecting to have a gun pointed at me when the doors opened, and I was right. I didn’t know who the person was pointing a gun at me, but I smiled and tried to act as naturally as possible. I’d never been told stories about my father by my mother, but I’d managed to coerce some other people into telling me stories, and this was the greeting that I was expecting. The intense man edging on fifty was fit and attractive, so I kind thought be might be one of the men I was looking for.

“Hi,” I said, “I’m looking for Sam Winchester.”

“You’re a kid,” He said, never lowering his gun.

“I’m his kid, more specifically. Hi,” I smiled, waving my hand at him. I was acting more bubbly than I normally would, but having a gun pointed at you is surprisingly scary.

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By the Roots

Summary: When a case pops up in rural California, it seems like a normal gank and get the hell out of dodge for you and the Winchesters. However, with mysterious circumstances surrounding the bodies, and a certain archangel popping by, things don’t go exactly as planned. 

Word Count: 1844

Tags: Gabriel, Gabriel x Reader, Reader Insert

Author: Stephany

Your name: submit What is this?

“They’ve been violated, brutally murdered… are we sure this isn’t just some sicko out here?” You leaned against the edge of the bathroom counter of the small motel room you’d just checked into, arms crossed firmly over your chest. It had been a long ride all the way out here to the middle of a rural California town from the bunker and you were rather cranky. “When is Dean getting back with the food again?”

“And it couldn’t be an animal scavenging because nothing is missing. No hearts missing, no limbs… no nothing,” you sighed.

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Let Go

Characters:  Dean, Reader, Sam, FC Jacob

Summary:  This is my fic for @balthazars-muse‘s Monster Movie SPN challenge.  I was assigned clairaudience:  the ability to hear sounds coming from the spirit realm.  My sign is Gemini.

The reader searches out the Winchesters to help her deal with someone who speaks to her from the dead.

Word Count:  3497

Warnings:  Language, light angst, light violence, fluff

As always, feedback is appreciated!  Thanks for reading.

Tags are at the bottom.  Please feel free to message me if you’d like to be tagged/not tagged.  

Originally posted by khanhcept

Originally posted by stayclassysupernatural

LET GO

This has to be it.  This is the last motel in this dumpy little town, this town that time forgot. Open pastures, abandoned grain silos, shuttered houses with chipped paint.  The outside world doesn’t care about this blip on the map, it has forgotten this place exists.  It’s a close knit community, everyone knows each other and strangers stick out like a sore thumb.

The pristine classic car in the parking lot, it has to be the one.  They drive an old car, so you’ve heard.  This one is not a rust bucket like all the other ones in the lot.  It’s been lovingly tended to, the black paint so shiny that the sun beaming off of it momentarily blinds you.  

Hoping against hope, you knock on the thin wooden door.  Would the Winchesters help you?  Could you finally move on with your life?

The door opens and a tall man with shoulder length hair opens up the door.  His eyes are kind, but he carries himself with strength, he’s powerful.  Craning your neck, you look up at him.

“Can I help you?” he asks.

“Um, yeah.  I’m looking for the, uh, Winchesters?” Shifting back and forth on the balls of your feet, you suddenly feel nervous.  “Do you know them?”

The man’s expression changes quickly, it’s almost as if his whole body sharpens, as if he’s on alert.

“What do you want with the Winchesters?”

Keep reading

Call Me Sammy

Character(s): Sam Winchester

Warnings: None

Word Count: 992

Fic:

           College boys are, in general, an unwashed mass of blockheaded, sex-drive idiots who traipse around with their equally stupid girlfriends. If not this, the other variety is the purely academic sort who came to the school on a full ride or at the expense of their parents and couldn’t care less about anything to do with sex. Once in a blue moon you might find one who is actually decent and worth some time and effort, but Stanford seems to balance between the academic freaks and the dirty-minded jocks. Well, except for Sam.

           Sam is one of the rare few, the type whose initial goal wasn’t to get you in bed with him. Rather, he’d approached you the first time because he had no idea where anything was on the Stanford campus, and, as it turned out, neither had you. He’d become your first friend here.

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8

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Getting you out of the hospital seemed a bit more challenging than you made it out to be. Lydia, Liam, Scott, and Stiles trailed behind the hunters awkwardly. The four of you had an agility like a cat’s.

“Okay, so breaking someone out of a hospital,” Stiles muttered, “Great. Now what?”

Cas inspected your wounds and healed as many as he could. You nodded in thanks and turned to the pack. “Who are the Dread Doctors?”

Scott answered, “We don’t know. They’re experimenting on people and changing them into hybrid supernatural beings. One of our friends, Hayden, is one.”

Liam’s eyes widened and he texted Hayden. Being with the craziness that ensues whenever the Winchesters come to town made him forget. “Then, where is she?” You demanded. The pack looked at each other. “Bring her to our house.”

“Now, hold on-” Stiles started to argue, but you cut him off, “No, you hold on. You want our help, we’re doing it our way. Get the girl and bring her.” Your tone was a lot more strict. You seemed less of a teenager and more like your brothers.

“Impala?” You asked.

Dean scoffed, “What else?” He and Sam went to go get the Impala, leaving you with the others.

“Do you guys have a ride to the house?” You checked. They nodded so you sighed in relief.

“You’re feeling well, Y/N?” Cas checked.

“Peachy,” you said with a smile. Dean and Sam came up in the Impala. “See you guys there.” With that, you and Cas got in and drove off.

Lydia pointed out, “I guess we never really saw her hunter side.” Her face turned uncomfortable. “I have a bad feeling.”

“Death feeling?” Scott checked. She nodded slightly. It was really strong. “Maybe it’s just the hospital. Come on. We got to pick up Hayden.”

On the way there, the pack was silent, still clearly rattled. Hayden tried to ask questions, but no one really answered. When they got to the house, you opened the door. “Welcome to the temporary house of Winchester. Now, presumably Hayden, tell me about your experience.”

Hayden told you and your brothers all that she knew and remembered. Sam wondered, “So, any motive? At all?” The pack shrugged.

You got up to consult the library and Liam quickly followed. “Hey, Y/N,” he said weirdly. You waited, looking at him expectedly. “Uh, I found this by your nightstand in the hospital.” He held out the scrap of paper. You read the words swiftly. “I don’t know where it came from.”

“That’s not my handwriting and I don’t recognize the quote,” you stated, “Sorry, Liam, but I have to work.”

“Uh, Y/N?” He called once again.

Even if you were slightly annoyed, you didn’t show it. “Yeah?”

“Everything’s going to be okay, right?” Liam checked, “With you and your brothers and Hayden.”

Your cold exterior cracked a bit. “Liam, Hayden will not get harmed. I’ll make sure of it,” you guaranteed with a smile, “I promise.” With that, you left to the library to see if you could find anything on chimeras or Dread Doctors.

Finally, the pack and you guys had formed a plan to lure the Dread Doctors out. Hayden would be the bait, but secretly protected by everyone. Dean and Sam would quietly observe them and decide the weapon choice.

At the school, it was eerily quiet. Stiles crossed his arms. The two of you were hiding near each other. “So, when did all of this happen for you?” He asked.

“Uh, training started about 3 or 4.”

“3 years ago?” Stiles guessed.

You shook your head and corrected him, “When I was 3. Then, hunting started at 10, when Dean and Sam starter hunting.”

“What happened to their mom?” Stiles inquired, “They didn’t mention her.”

“A demon killed her when Sam was a baby,” you recalled the story, “Which led to John’s extreme training, but I’m not complaining. Are you?”

“Not at all,” he agreed. An awkward silence settled between you two before Stiles started talking again, “Was your dad really killed by werewolves?”

Your teeth clenched a bit. “Yeah, I was 18 months old,” you said straightforwardly. Finally, noises became coming from the hallways, but something was up. Scott should have been here.

The Dread Doctors walked in, slightly fuzzy. Hayden looked at them with a little fear. Scott and Liam were nowhere in sight. You gripped your gun and ran in front of her. You promised.

One of them looked at you curiously. It took a sword thing out. “Hayden, run,” you ordered, clutching your gun.

“But-” she started, but you cut her off, “Find Scott and Liam now!” Hayden left quickly. Stiles went after her. You tried to shoot them, but it wasn’t helping. The one with the sword got closer. You had no where to go.

Lydia was trying to get Scott and Liam to wake up when Hayden and Stiles found them. “What happened?” Dean asked as he and Sam walked in, “Where’s Y/N?”

Her face scrunched a bit and she covered her ears. Stiles had managed to get Scott awake. He shot up gasping with his red eyes. Lydia gasped slightly when she heard a scream pierce the silence.

Sam and Dean both paled a bit before running off to where you were. You were by yourself. At first Dean was relieved, but when he saw the wound in your chest, all of the air just left his lungs. They ran to you. “Cas!” Dean yelled, hoping that the angel would be listening.

You tried to remain strong, but your eyes gave it away. The pack ran in to see you in Sam’s arms with a fatal wound. Liam saw you and turned to Scott. “The bite. She can survive it,” he suggested.

Before Scott could say anything, you muttered, “If you turned me into a werewolf, I’d never forgive you.” Your face had gone deathly pale. Sam looked at you sadly. “Hey, Sammy. Don’t look so sad,” you pleaded.

“Kind of hard when your little sister is-” his voice gave out.

Your blood soaked through your shirt and his as well. “We all know that hunters don’t typically die of old age.”

“Jesus, Y/N” Dean sighed and held on to your hand, “Please just stay.” The pack looked at the scene with sadness.

“If I could, I would.” Your calmness went away. Tears flowed down your face as your breathing got haggard. “I don’t want to die,” you admitted.

Sam and Dean had tears in their eyes. “We love you, Y/N,” Sam promised.

You looked up to them. “I love you too,” you said before your breathing stopped finally. Your eyes looked off into nothingness.

The pack was unaware on how to approach the hunters. They simply followed them to a nearby ditch. “Typically, hunters are burned,” Dean told them stiffly, “But we’re burying her.”

By midnight, you were buried with a wooden cross on your grave. Sam and Dean went back to the house only to come back to the grave in the morning.

Liam, Scott, and Stiles were there as well. “I was kind of wishing it was a dream,” Liam admitted.

“Nice wish, kid,” Sam stated.

Out of nowhere, Cas appeared behind them. “Nice timing,” Dean growled.

“It had to be,” Cas stated, “She is in a better place. There are no creatures that are trying to kill her.”

“Can you talk to her?” Stiles asked.

“Yes. She’s with her other family. Y/N also said that now all of you have a guardian. She will guard all of you to the best of her ability.” Everyone nodded, still a little depressed.

Sam and Dean were leaving, but for good that time. They couldn’t just change directions randomly to visit you. Although, from time to time, they visit your grave to remember the little girl they first met was brought into the crazy world of the supernatural.

Liam stayed a bit longer, having known you a little better than Scott and Stiles. Cas remained. “You know, young werewolf,” he started, “Y/N considered you as one of her friends. You made an impact in her life.”

“Then why couldn’t she stay?” He asked sadly.

Cas looked at Liam sympathetically. “The same reason why I couldn’t save her.” Cas paused before talking again. “She told me to tell you that she remembers the promise and awaits the return of all of you.”

The promise that everything will be okay. You still promise that everything will be okay no matter what. Liam smiled a bit at your grave then at Cas.

The most impressive hunter of your age had saved so many lives, only to be unknowingly buried in California, many miles from where you were born and raised.

Maybe the pack and the hunters will forget tiny things about you, but at the end of the day, you will be there to welcome them.

Choice -  Part 3.

Choice Part 1 - x  | Choice Part 2 - x

I know this is longly awaited but its finally here. I’ve had terrible writers block and i’ve finally gotten rid of it x I love you guys and Im so excited for you to see what’s to come with my blog in general x it’s about time i get my shit together  xx


Addictions are eventually everyone’s undoing. Whether we’re addicted to drugs, alcohol or even love. It still remains destructive. Sometimes we’re all addicted to something, Dean knew his addiction was his family. He could never live without his baby brother but he had learnt to survive without his parents. So when he chose to see his mother again he didn’t think of the consequences, the winchester brothers never do.

“Sammy hey i got your voicemail, pick up. Something’s not right” He sat in his baby with the sensation of comfort that somethings don’t change. Like the smell of the rich yet worn out leather that’s seen combat at it’s finest. Or the sturdiness of the wheel that’s been spun in moments of chaos. These tiny things calmed Dean’s beating heart as he had no idea where he was going. He wanted answers, no he needed answers, but where was he to get them?

He searched the glove box for any clue to where he could go until he came across a black and white photo. It was Sam, John, Dean and Y/N. The four were all hunched together like a family in front of the impala and by the glimmer in their eyes, Dean could tell they were happy. But where was Mary?

Dean threw the photo in passenger seat and his phone began to buzz, it was Sam.

“Dean? Hey you’d never guess how much John looks like Dad. It sounded less weirder in my head” Dean rolled his eyes.

“Yeah alright give me your adress, i need to talk to you about something important” As Sam responded with his details Dean started the impala and the infamous roar rumbled through his bones, vibrating to his very core.

Back at the lil Winchesters home, Sam simply stared at his son, admiring the pure euphoria laced in the atmosphere. His trance broke as his bell rang and John ran up to answer the door.

“Uncle Dean!” The 5 year old exclaimed as he jumped into his arms and Dean froze at the touch of his loving nephew.

“Hey there lil buddy, wow. Let me get a look at you” Dean observed the way he looked exactly like his dad and Sammy.

“Daddy said I can soon go on the big kid rides”  Sam came to view and Dean chuckled.

“Of course buddy, you are the son of gigantor the moose.” Dean walked in and Sam told John to play in the room next door. Walking in the both of them simply stared at the walls filled with memories of all of them, even their father. He stopped at a particularly eye grabbing photo, Sam, Dean, John, Mary and Jess all stood proud around Sam. Dressed in suits, Sam wore his graduation cap proud with the Stanford emblem in the background.

“You finished law Sammy, I’m proud. Where’s Jess?” Sam walked towards the kitchen grabbing them self both a beer.

“She’s out with friends. Dean, this is real right? This is just too good to be true dude” Dean nervously laughed as he took a seat.

“Yeah about that, something’s not right. I found this in the car” He pulled out the family photo without Mary and Sam raised his eyebrows in curiosity.

“Is that?” Sam asked while Dean interrupted “Y/N, yeah and the weird part is i asked mom and she totally froze up. I don’t know man something’s not right”  Sam held the photo and analysed it deeper

“Look we’ll go to Mom’s and figure it out but right now what do we do?” Dean sighed and looked at John running towards his father with a smile so innocent it was contagious.

“We live Sammy” Dean finished his beer and watched Sam lift his little minion up onto his neck.

“Let’s go somewhere Dean. No more burdens, let’s go to a fair or or or a movie. I don’t know but let’s do something” Dean smiled but his heart hurt, his brother was so happy but for some reason there was a part of Dean that wanted to scream out “this isn’t real”. It couldn’t be, a world without you doesn’t seem real and he wants to know what happened to you.

“Alright, but first up. We stop by Mom’s, I need to know what happened to Y/N” Sam agreed and soon enough they were on their way to Mary’s.

Meanwhile as Mary walked into John’s old study she felt the familiar rise of guilt cascade over her body. Dean hadn’t said your name in years, how could he? Mary thought he had forgotten all about those horrible years of their lives.

Flashback

“Mary, i can’t keep doing this. Get yourself together, if not me then for our boys” Her vision impaired and blurry as John removed the used needle out of her arm. John watched his wife deteriorate as she succumbed to her dark side.

“Leave me alone John, why don’t you go back to your whore” And with that Mary passed out, maybe it was the drugs or the exhaustion and regret of knowing what a disgrace she had become. 

What no one knew was when Mary was younger she never felt at peace, she fell into the wrong group of friends and did things she’d never be proud of. But John was there to save her, however recently he’d disappear alot. They’d fight and John would take the kids which would lead his distraught wife in succumbing to her dark past.

John watches his wife give into the exhaustion and he sighs. Her beautiful features are now dull and lifeless all because he doesn’t know what to do. On one hand he had you and the other his barely alive wife.

“She’s not a whore, she’s the godmother of our children goddammit and possibly the only mother they have right now” What John didn’t know was Mary always passed out but that doesn’t mean she never heard him. She had a gift, she’d be unconscious but she was always aware of her surroundings. She’d hear John cry as he called you on the phone, talking about your recent fight. She’d hear her 8 year old son asking why mommy looked so dead but that still wouldn’t change her. She’d let the darkness in and like shadows with feet, it’s intruded her entire soul.

John pulls out his phone and dials the first number on speed dial. “Y/N, I’m bringing the boys over. Mary’s passed out again, I’m gonna put her to bed and we’re gonna be over soon.” He watches his wife limp limbs hang off the couch and his heart has cried enough. “Yeah, I’m here.I think it’s time the boys permanently stay with you. Yeah we’ll talk about it more when i get there”

And John didn’t realise he made the worst mistake in his life.

End of Flashback

As Mary walks around the table John use to work at she pulled a drawer open and saw a photo of John, Mary and You. The three of you were so happy, the drunken nights and hungover mornings the three shared were memories Mary always cherished. But it’s a bittersweet memory, if it weren’t for her,,,, you might still be here.

“Mom?” Mary’s attention was caught by the sound of one of her baby boys, She swiped her fingers across her cheeks removing the unknown tears that had fallen. She put the photo away and walked out of John’s study closing it behind her. She walked to the front of her home to see her two boys and her adorable grandchild.

“Hey sweetheart” she gave Sam a hug as well as Dean while John jumped into her arms.

“Nana, uncle Dean said he’s gonna take me on a big boy roadtrip” Mary chuckled as she kissed the top of his mushroom head while Sam rolled his eyes. “Of course he is but between you and I, uncle Dean is still a little boy” Mary put John on the ground and he ran towards the t/v. . “I just saw you a few hours ago, missed me already?” Dean laughed while Sam smiled at her obviousness.

“Yeah that and I’m starving. What’s for lunch? Something smells great” Mary chuckled as she opened the oven to pull out a warm apple pie which caused Dean to smile in triumph.

“Sit down, I’ll get some plates” as they sat around the table and Mary handed John a plate in the T/V room, with a slice of pie and ice cream. Sam looked at John and groaned.

“I swear to god his appetite is not mine, he’s a mini Dean. He wanted gummy bears for breakfast” Dean smiled with a mouth full of pie and Mary chuckled as she cut herself a piece.

“Yeah well before you got all fancy mister you were quite the sugar bear. You once finished a box of lucky charms as a snack” Sam shook his head in disbelief and Dean laughed at him.After a few moments of small chatter, Dean pulled out the photo he found but before he showed it he held it to his heart.

“Mom before i show you this just please don’t get upset” Mary placed her fork down and nodded, indicating he should go on.

“I asked you before, who Y/N was and you didn’t want to talk about it. I found this and I want you to tell us the truth. Who was she to us?” Mary looked at the photo Dean had given and a remorseful smile took over her face. She remembered the day so well, she had taken the photo. What hurt the most was when Mary took the photo she couldn’t help but see them as a family, and her as an outsider.

“Mom are you okay?” Sam held his mother’s hand and she stared into his innocent eyes that always brought her comfort. Mary’s heart raced as the tears began to form once again. Her body shook slightly as the memory of you danced upon her mind while her soul cried with guilt. She put the photo down and looked at her boys with regret and despair.

“Y/N was your godmother. She was my best friend and your second mother….” after a while Mary paused and Dean’s grip on his mother’s hands became tighter. Though what he heard next caused both of the winchesters to drop her hands completely.

“And I killed her”