in trouble is not a location

Beach Day

Created for Voltron Whump Week

Prompt: Day 6- Poison

Summary: The paladins finally get a break. Lance somehow always finds trouble though…

Notes: A direct continuation of my fic Within, you don’t have to read it, but it provides a nice little background for this fic. I do try to explain things briefly anyway, there’s just no details.

Warnings for injuries, venomous creatures, blood, illness.

 Beach day

There were thousands of miles of beaches and sun and beautiful oceans. They had already been visiting this planet for over a week, but everyone kept finding excuses not to leave. They were situated in a more remote location, so they weren’t sharing this beach with anyone else besides the team. It was their private beach getaway. At first, it was only supposed to be for Lance’s birthday, but then they decided to stay a few more days and then a week went by… but nobody wanted to be the one that suggested they go back to being defenders of the universe just yet. They had needed the vacation, especially Lance, who had been so sick just a short while ago. It was good to see him smiling again.

However, while nobody said it, Lance knew that they would be leaving soon. He felt the shift in the energy; the little bit of regret that started to creep in on Shiro’s and Coran’s faces. They didn’t want to tell him it was time to go, but he knew that it was. So Lance started saying goodbye. He spent a whole day in the ocean, playing in the waves. The next day he decided to go walk to the tide pools that he actually hadn’t visited yet.

“Pidge, want to take a walk with me?”

Keep reading

♀Venus Signs and Seduction♀

Aries Venus - The Burning Flame

how they seduce: When they feel a strong pull towards you, they must have you, so they will immediately try to get your attention. They are normally very open and blunt and they will tell you what they want and how they want it. They are very likely to take the lead and show you how they like it by guiding your hands or just straight-off telling you. They will take your breath away with their tremendous passion and intensity and they know how to touch and kiss you until you are begging for more.

how to seduce them: They love the thrill of the chase, so make them conquer you because they want to earn your affection. They probably like little fights under the sheets with a lot of body touching.They possess an incredible amount of energy and passion, so give them all you have and more. Heat is very important, hold them, trace your fingertips over their skin, they want to feel your warmth. Playing with their hair, running your finger through it or even pulling it a little and touching their face is a big turn-on since Aries is the ruler of the head area.

Taurus Venus - The Sensualist

how they seduce: They will make you feel so adored. They will enjoy touching you, hearing you breathe, tasting your lips and skin. They take their time because they need to capture every inch of you and every moment you have together. They just generally like to have you around them which is why they are great cuddlers and will hold you very tighly to make you feel safe. They looove spending every free minute in bed where it is warm and they are alone with you .

how to seduce them: Let them see and know you completely.They will love to know every inch of you because they are best with the things they know. Give them a lot of physical affection, they want to really feel that they are loved. They probably like some good and alluring lingerine or a nice wine since they appreciate everything that intensifies the pleasures of love. They might also enjoy kisses on the neck or dirty talk since they are the ruler of the throat.

Gemini Venus - The Siren

how they seduce: They will bewitch you with great stories and words of kindness that will make you want to know more about them. They are very charming and know exactly what to say according to the situation you are in. You will feel like their best friend because they want to tell their loved one everything they feel and all that has importance for them. They are unbelievably stormy lovers who love to spice it up, take you on adventures and try something new and they know damn well how to kiss.

how to seduce them: Whisper sweet nothings in their ear and do not be too shy to talk about what you want and how you want it. Open communication is very important for this placement. They need fun in a relationship which is why they love playing games. Tease them, try new things, role-play and kiss them in every way possible because they love this shit. Intellectual and deep conversations are extremely arousing for them, so take your time, listen to them and discuss things with them before you take it to the next level.

Cancer Venus -  The Rose

how they seduce: This sign is especially known for seducing their lovers through caring for them or protecting them. But most of all they want you to be theirs entirely, they want to be able to touch and kiss you as often as possible. Venusian Cancers can sense your feelings and are able to adapt to them. Suprisingly, they know every trick there is to win the affection of their crush: they can use every feminine/masculine wile theres is, from mother/father to beauty queen/king and sex symbol. They will not only love but admire you for the beauty you possess inside out. Once they feel comfortable around you they will want to explore the adventures of love with you but they will most likely enjoy staying in because there they will not have to share you and are not afraid to be themselves.

how to seduce them: They looooove cuddling and touching you. Hugs and every other act of physical affection means security for them and therefore is a way to show them that they are safe. Their ideal men/women are typically masculine/feminine, at least in their fantasies and they are the sign most attracted to breasts. Not only physically but also mentally they search for a deep connection, so do not be afraid to show how you feel and what you want. Feeling is immensely important to them and you have to give them time to sort out what kind of emotion they sense when they are around you. But when they know what they feel around you, they open up to the point where everything is just natural, warm and suprisingly passionate.

Leo Venus - The Femme/Homme Fatale

how they seduce: This sign knows damn well how to seduce the subject of their desire. They enjoy looking good and getting the attention of those around them. They will dress, walk and talk to impress you and their facial as well as physical expressions sparkle with sex appeal. Probably most of all, they are persistent to the core and if they want you, they will hunt you like a lion(ess). They are very energetic and wild and most likely intoxicate you with their honesty and straightforwardness. While they want sex to first and foremost be a pleasure for them, they can not stand to be anything less but the best lover you had, which is why they will want to indulge you until you are completely satisfied just to see the gleam in your eyes or the smile on your face. They like to know that you want to be exclusively with them and desire to possess you.

how to seduce them: People with Venus in Leo want to be treated like royalty, showered with affection and romantic gestures. They can only feel good in your surrounding when they are comfortable with who they are around you which is why they want to look good for you. This placement wants to experience love with burning passion and just a hint of drama which is why they usually enjoy trying out new things in the bedroom or other locations. You need to stand out from the crowd to catch the attention of this sign (speak with passion, show your unique talents,..). It’s hard for them to separate love and sex which is why they need to sense a deep-reaching understanding between you two before they take it to the next level.

Virgo Venus - The Good Girl Gone Wild

how they seduce: This sign is fiercely devoted to you and enjoys handling the trouble in your life. They are very intelligent and reliable which is why you will feel safe in their surrounding. While they may come off as shy, sweet and polite, Virgos in Venus have serious potential to be aroused by kinks and everything unusual. They pay close attention to your body language and therefore know exactly what turns you on, determined to use that knowledge to your benefit. Most of all, this sign  is always good for a suprise, they are spontaneous and curious in bed and love to learn new things and show you new sides of themselves.

how to seduce them: Although they seldom ever tell you, those born with Venus in Virgo have some very dirty or unique fantasies and love experiencing something new in their bedroom. If you take the lead and express your ideas and desires in an open manner, those fantasies can turn into reality and bring some real passion under the sheets. They might feel a little insecure about their looks but they will give you all the love they have when you show them that they are the most beautiful person on earth for you. They generally expect you to be thoughtful and to see the details. They can not be with someone who is not able to read their body or face or think of something to make them feel better when they are sad.

Libra Venus -  The Enchanter/Enchantress

how they seduce: They carry an aura of aristocracy and elegance others admire and long for from afar. They are sweet and caring and love to spoil you with kisses, flowers and other affections in any form. Their smiles are usually disarming and they are polite from their head to their feet. They want pretty much everything to be beautiful which is why they will set the mood before having sex, lighting candles or arranging the sheets. Being beautiful themselves is also very important since sensual lingerine or red lips can get them exactly what they want. They are gentle lovers who enjoy being touched softly and with meaning but can definitely roughen up when they feel a strong connection to you.

how to seduce them: Since Libras in Venus worship harmony, they can not stand people who constantly need confrontation or drama. A surrounding of peace and understanding is more than arousing for their sexual appetite and they will want to spend some time in bed with you when they feel comfortable and loved around you. Romance is what keeps them lively and happy in a relationship and they will care for you if you fulfill their fantasies fuelled by movies and books now and then.

Scorpio Venus  - The Enigma

how they seduce: Their gaze conveys power and it seems like it is looking right into your soul. They can be very intimidating and mysterious but you long to uncover and know them although they may seem cold and reserved when you first meet them. They seem to promise intensity and commitment and are deeply sensual when it comes to sexual pleasures. They want to feel everything and combine deep physical and mental understanding to a sort of ecstatic experience. A Scorpio in Venus partner makes you feel understood and desired and sweeps you off your feet with their overwhelming passion which can be sensed in a very high sex drive.

how to seduce them: Lay your soul and heart bare at their feet and show them who you really are because they have no interest in people that barely ever express their feelings or true self. They love warmth and fire and people that sparkle with energy and life and passion is one of the essential things they need for an exciting sex life. Intimacy is also very important for them and they will not like it if you are someone who kisses and tells or drags your private life into the public. Honestly, there is not much you can actually do when the connection between you two is lacking. A Scorpio Venus will always love deeply and unconditionally when they sense a certain depth, loyalty and chemistry.

Sagittarius Venus  - The Adventure

how they seduce: They come across as optimistic, idealistic and lively and they just take your breath away with their love for life and all it has to offer. They can easily slip into excessive behaviour and you start to wonder where all those life inside them comes from. They are not bound by restrictions or rules and everything is just so easy and exciting with them, no secrets or taboos or pudency. They have a certain innocence about them and in bed they just charm you with endless giggles because they love to laugh. They are very direct in their approach to love and sex, so do not expect them to play with ambiguity, it is more likely that they will straight away tell you when they want to have sex.

how to seduce them: In a relationship honesty is essential to them, they do not like to hide their feelings and thoughts and they do not want to have a romance which is based on misunderstandings. So you should better tell them what you want straight away and they will surely appreciate that. Be open-minded and adventurous because they enjoy giving their love and sex life a new direction. They are easily  bored when sex or romance get too predictable, so try new things, change locations or positions or just generally soften or roughen up. Also make them feel alive, take them to beautiful places or challenge them with a different opinion/point of view, be everything but ordinary. They want love to feel like it is light and pure joy instead of serious business.

Capricorn Venus  - The Lady/ The Gentleman

how they seduce: They provide an alomst unreal amount of stability and warmth and you just have to feel at ease in their company. They might charm you with some very traditional flirting rules, like holding the door for you or taking your jacket. They can be real charmers, because they seem aloof and considerate at the same time. Alpha-males/females is one term especially accurate when it comes to Venus in Capricorn because they just naturally like to take the lead and show you that they can care for you. Their sexuality is deep and powerful but not a thing they want to be dragged out in public. What they do in the bedroom is a silent secret between the two of you and they would never hurt your intimate connection by kissing and telling.

how to seduce them: They generally fall for people that convey power, confidence and stability as they search for comittment and long-lasting relationships. Their approach to love is very mature, so they probably will not connect with persons that are volatile or unreliable. In bed they trust in experience and consistency because they probably know how they like it best and how it feels perfect for the both of you. If you want them to do something for you or to try something new, you have to challenge them because they are eager to prove their love for you every day. In fact, Capricorn Venus is a placement that feels very deeply but may never tell you about their emotions but you can show them that you understand this by holding them or just being there for them.

Aquarius Venus  - The Rebel

how they seduce: Those born with their Venus in Aquarius may seem unapproachable and a little cold which is not necessarily less magnetic than the burning heat of an Aries or a Scorpio. They just generally are not that good with commitment and like freedom, which is why some of them may not like the idea of a relationship at all. They are, however, very experimental when it comes to their sex-life and they love to try new things, although they might be too shy to turn their fantasies into reality.

how to seduce them: They need someone who is not only able to satisfy their physical but also intellectual needs. Talking about your ideals, philosophies or mantras is very interesting to them and also kind of arousing. They like intelligent people who look behind the nature of things. They can be quite turned on by situations that are unusual, like a love-affair with a married man/woman or cyber and phone sex (any situation where no direct commitment is needed is attractive). This placement is one that has no problem separating love and sex and might has a “friends with benefit”-relationship. They need their freedom under all circumstances. If you can show them that you will not try to change them or restrict them in any way and make them feel like they are in the company of a good friend, you stand good chances of receiving their undivided love.

Pisces Venus  - The Dream

how they seduce: Venus in Pisces is gentle and soft with a dreamy gleam in their eyes and an indescribable patience and acceptance. People with this placement will love you for who you truly are and they would give up themselves to please you. Nothing gives them more joy than to give and receive love and being their partner leaves you fulfilled and strangely complete. Their fantasies often mix with reality and they often seem more like a desired dream of yours. They pay attention to the details and love physical affection, so it is not unusual that a little touch from your fingertips leaves them with a racing heart. They want physical and mental intensity and search for purity and immense feelings in bed.

how to seduce them: They love romance and fantasy and sometimes they may search for their knight on a horse or their princess in the tower. Not only a connection to reality but also a strong contact to dreams and fantasy is required if you want to understand them. They search for someone tender-hearted who holds them when they are sad but is also able to turn their romantic ideals into reality. You should not be too straight-forward but gentle, also in bed. Although they enjoy caring for you and fulfilling your pleasures, you should definitely show them that you adore and admire them for who they are. They actually enjoy to try out new things and passionate people really turn them on.

stop treating todoroki like a stupid fuck pls

oohhh my goddd y’all todoroki didn’t grow up in a cave. the boy lived with an abusive father for years, he was abused, he’s socially awkward but he’s not a reckless idiot. did y’all sleep on his entire arc

and listen, as much as i love todo//deku myself, he didn’t blindly rush to midoriya’s location when he received that mass text, he knew something was wrong & was the first and only one of midoriya’s contacts to figure out that the boy was in trouble

“all you did was mass-send your location pin to all your contacts”

actually, let’s go back to the very beginning of the series:

his very first line shows us that he’s….. not… dumb?

AND (manga spoiIers ahead) DID Y’ALL FORGET ABOUT THIS?

AND THIS?

can you tell that i’m sick of abuse victims being mischaracterised as dumb by their fandoms?

OH, AND HE HAS A SENSE OF HUMOUR. HE’S STOIC MOST OF THE TIME, BUT HE’S NOT INCAPABLE OF MAKING JOKES OR UNDERSTANDING THEM??

plus, for some mysterious reason everyone seems to be forgetting that he ranked 5th out of 20 in the end term written exam? (midoriya was 4th) hmmhhm

hell, when midoriya asks todoroki what he’d do with kouda, he straight up gives advice that i’m 100% certain comes from a personal standpoint:

todoroki knows how to express himself. he knows how his actions influence others, what impression he gives off. HE’S NOT DENSE.

and my dudes. even if you’re gonna write him as a lovestruck fool in fics: being in love means you can sometimes make irrational decisions or act flustered. it doesn’t mean you Suddenly lose half of your braincells.

MHHHHMM CONCLUSION: being socially awkward as a result of years of abuse doesn’t mean you’re “not with the times”. todoroki has a phone. he understands sarcasm. he gets jokes. he knows what an emoji is. he can communicate face-to-face with someone. he gets social cues. he’s an excellent fighter, analyser and strategist. 

so stop treating him like a stupid fuck.

Your MC & Your Role As A Friend

everyone has “that friend.” which one are you? 

Aries MC // The Encourager. You have so much confidence and power in you, so you naturally find that getting what you want is just a matter of putting in the work. You will never let your friends fail and you are the person that they can go to in order to get hyped up, whether it’s before a job interview or the day of their wedding. You love to succeed and you feel like there is no better feeling than seeing them succeed with you.

Taurus MC // The Architect. For a Taurus MC, there is nothing more important than building on a solid foundation. You feel that it is your duty in whatever friendships you have to be the sort of glue that holds everything together, even if it gets exhausting at times. The truth is, you know that if you stopped, the whole building would collapse. You’re the recipient of late night phone calls that your friends keep finding themselves making, and you’ll never stop picking up.

Gemini MC // The Hookup. You constantly find yourself in this position of being used for something. Now, that’s not always a bad thing: in fact, you kind of enjoy having the upper hand in situations like this. People sort of depend on you to get them in to the coolest clubs or introduce them to that one guy that they couldn’t keep their eyes off of the entire night. You’re the social butterfly and the gift that keeps on giving. Your friends are incredibly grateful for all of the amazing things that you pull off for them.

Cancer MC // The Blanket. You cover your friends in warmth and love daily, they will never doubt how much you care for them. They look to you as a means of support and validation. The term “mom friend” is most certainly applicable here. You always come prepared: long car rides? You got this. A day at the fair? Water bottles for everyone! You treat your friends like your family, and because of this, you find it very difficult to let go when someone has wronged you. You want to heal the world and you want to heal your friends as well. 

Leo MC // The Influencer. A Leo MC’s ultimate goal in life is to be recognized for the work that they put in (and being recognized in general doesn’t hurt, either). As a friend, they are undeniably looked up to by the rest of the group. Others actually find it quite amazing how ambitious and generous Leo MC’s are. Their friends are their whole world, and they will pretty much drop everything when a friend is in need. They are pretty much what their friends refer to as “goals.”

Virgo MC // The Critic. While a Virgo MC’s worst critic is definitely themselves, they are also known as the analyst by those close to them. Your friends know that if they go to you for advice, they better expect to hear a no-bullshit, practical response. Now, despite what some may think, being critical isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, your friends rely on you to tidy up the messes that they make, whether they’re big or small. In reality, they know that you truly want to see them be the best versions of themselves and it all comes from a place of love.

Libra MC // The Mediator. An argument just broke out: call a Libra MC, quick! You don’t know how it happens, but you always end up being the one to break up fights and settle things amongst friends. You don’t understand why everyone can’t just act like adults and talk things out normally. In fact, you get really nervous when things escalate! However, you do actually enjoy having the title of the mediator; you appreciate the balance that you bring and so do your friends (even if they go back to arguing the next day!)

Scorpio MC // The Psychologist. Well, Kimmy just broke up with her boyfriend for the fifth time this week, and she’s coming to you for advice. Of course she is! As a Scorpio MC, you have a special gift. You find it very easy to step in to other’s shoes and feel what they are feeling. It’s not uncommon for you to know what people are thinking before the words even come out of their mouths. You almost creep yourself out sometimes with how much you know before you actually, well… know! Even so, your friends always look to you because you are a great observer and listener. 

Sagittarius MC // The Wanderer. You knew from a very young age that you were never meant to stay in one place; your friends know that as well! Because of this, you are constantly being called upon for 3 AM McDonalds adventures, 10 hour road trips, you name it. If there is travel involved, your friends want you there! You absorb knowledge like a sponge, and anywhere you go, your friends will surely follow. They love your care-free, adaptable nature and your ability to befriend others so easily.

Capricorn MC // The Skeptic. Truthfully, you have your shit together. And if you don’t right now, you’re planning to have it together by 4 PM next Monday. The point is, you always have a plan. You are cool, calm and collected in situations that others would normally fall apart in; for this reason, your friends look to you for reassurance. They know that you would never mislead them. You are a sort of big brother/big sister to your friends because you can smell bullshit from a mile away. You don’t take lightly to others messing with your loved ones.

Aquarius MC // The Teacher. Your friends have probably come to realize that you know a lot about a wide range of topics. So, it is only natural that they rely on you to educate them. Having trouble on school work? They come to you. Need to know where Kuwait is located on a map? An Aquarius MC has got you covered! You are unique beyond words and your level of dedication to learning is unmatched. Luckily, you know that your gift attracts some with ill intentions who will try to take advantage of your wealth of knowledge. Keep your real friends close, because you know the difference.

Pisces MC // The Psychic. It probably comes as no surprise to anyone that a Pisces MC’s true power lies in their ability to sense energies on all kinds of different platforms. Many have reported being able to communicate with those who have passed on as well. In their group of friends, this is who they are known as. The person that is extremely sensitive to vibrations. The spiritual essence of life is always within a Pisces MC, whether they know it or not. Their friends feel calm around them, because they know how to soothe so well.

 -Admin L

Aliens Vs Menstrual

Re-posting this so folks actually see the damn thing.

Please forgive the length… the plot bunny got away from me… very far away from me…


There was blood on the floor.

Avrex blinked and stared at the red droplets on the floor. More red caught xer eye. There was more just under the edge of the seat. As if someone had tried to wipe it up but hadn’t thought to get under the very edge. Only one species on board had red blood.

This had to belong to one of the humans.

But why would blood be here in waste room of all places? Granted, humans were an odd breed, and used the waste rooms for more than the elimination of waste. Some even installed mirrors and extra lights and spent an hour or more in there! But blood? Why here? And why on the waste reclaimer lid? Surely if one of the humans was injured they would go to the infirmary….

…wouldn’t they?

Avrex shook xer scaled head and stalked out of the waste room. Xey would get to the bottom of this.


The humans had been hired three months prior. Two at first. Then another two a month later. And a fifth one a month after that. They were extremely useful, and didn’t really take up much space.

Hunting down any of said humans was a challenge.

Three of the humans were mechanics, and could be found shimmying their slender bodies between various components of the ship to reach the part they desired to work on. Even with an extra set of large eyes, Avrex would often walk right by the little beings, missing their little oil and grease smeared bodies in amongst the equally oil and grease smeared engine components. At a hulking ten feet tall, Avrex often missed the little monsters because they were under something or other.

The massive first officer dismissed the mechanics as a viable first target for questions. Searching through the entrails of the ship for crew members that xey may or may not find was not an effective use of xer energy or time. Xey could always catch the mechanics at the designated meal time if the other two humans couldn’t answer xer questions satisfactorily.

The fourth human was no easier to find. He was a security guard, and could be anywhere on the ship at any given time. Despite the fact that he wasn’t a mechanic, he seemed to share their proclivity for climbing on things, and for crawling into spaces that were inaccessible to most of the rest of the crew.

That left Carl.

Avrex made xer ponderous way down to the metallurgy lab. The human designated as Carl was not like the others. He was much older. The kind, gentle being had been the first human the ship had taken on, and had paved the way for the four other humans that followed. The others respected him greatly, turning to him for wisdom and advice. Surely Carl would have some insight into why there was human blood in the waste room.

Carl was right where he was supposed to be.

Avrex pressed the alert button and patiently waited to be granted entry just outside the lab doors. The request was swiftly answered, the doors sliding open with a soft hiss to admit the ship’s first officer.

Carl had put his work station into a safe position, and turned in his seat to give the hulking alien from Jarrok his full and undivided attention. Avrex had always liked that about Carl. While the human ability to multi-task often came in useful, it was sometimes disconcerting to hold a conversation with a being that never once even glanced in xer general direction while they spoke.

Carl smiled as he stripped of his protective gear. “Avrex. What brings you down here?”

The first officer assumed a parade rest position. “I have a query about human behavior, and had hoped that you could explain.”

The human chuckled and ran a hand through his graying hair. “Well, I’ll do my best. Go on and fire away.”

Avrex paused, then decided to ignore the odd turn of phrase. Experience had shown that large amounts of time were wasted when human parlance was questioned. “I discovered a small amount of blood in one of the communal waste rooms. I am aware that humans use waste rooms for more than their intended purpose, but I am at a loss as to what form of task could take place in a waste room, and possessed the potential to cause injury. The blood was red, thus it can be safely assumed that such belonged to one of the humans on board. But none of the humans have sought out medical aid. If one of my crew is injured in any capacity, as first officer I am entitled to know, so that I may account for such injuries when drawing up the duty roster for the coming cycles.”

The elderly male frowned thoughtfully. “There are a couple things it might be. But I’m not going to stir up panic by picking the wrong one. Which waste room was it you found the blood?”

Feeling dread curdle in xer gut, Avrex gave him the correct room number.

Carl nodded. “Melanie was supposed to be working up near that sector. More’n likely it’s her blood you found. Come on, I’ll walk up with you and help straighten this mess out.” Avrex started to protest. Surely xey could manage without taking Carl away from his work if given the pertinent information. The elderly human shook his head in seeming amusement. “Trust me Avrex, it’s better if I go along. If this is what I think it is, you’d just end up with a very angry or hurt mechanic on your hands.”

The first officer shut xer maw, frilled ears pinned back against the sides of xer head. What could possibly be going on that would result in a human being injured or angry?

Xey walked back down to the correct deck with Carl, deciding to wait and see. If what Xey had heard from other ships was true, an angry human was something to be avoided if at all possible.


Despite the consistent trouble the rest of the crew had in locating the mechanics while about their work in the engines, Carl seemed to have no problem tracking down the correct human.

At his call, she crawled out of a space so tight Avrex wasn’t sure xey could’ve gotten a paw in.

The second human the ship had taken on, Melanie had been hired barely a week after Carl. She was by far the smallest of the humans, and the quietest. Her peers took shameless advantage of her small size, leaving work in the tightest spaces to her. She didn’t seem to mind, preferring to work alone rather than with her group as most humans were purported to do. In fact, with the exception of Carl she seemed to avoid all of her kind for the most part.

The raven haired female flashed her teeth in the odd threat gesture that humans insisted denoted welcome, amusement, or joy.

Melanie wiped her hand on a rag and stuck it out to Carl for a traditional human greeting. “Hey Carl. Did one of your do-dads break down again?”

“Not this time dear.” Carl assured. “The first officer swung by with a question, and it seemed you’d be most likely to have the answer. Seems Avrex swung by the restroom and found human blood on the floor. Any chance you’d know something about that?”

Melanie paled.

The elder human nodded and patted her shoulder, seeming to have derived his answer from her silence. “It’s alright dear, no need to worry. I was married for thirty-five years before cancer took my sweet Belle, and she and I raised six beautiful daughters. There isn’t a thing under the sun I haven’t seen, and I’ve made more trips to the store for feminine things than I could probably count! Do you need any help, or do you have everything in order?”

The young female slowly relaxed at his kindly manner. She shook her head, asserting that she had ‘it’ covered. Avrex shifted xer weight, subtly drawing the humans’ attention back to xer question.

“You’re the only woman on board, Mel. Would you like to explain? Or would you rather I did?”

Melanie’s cheeks started to change color underneath the grease. “I can do it.”

Carl seemed pleased by the answer. “Go get ‘em then. And if you need anything, you go ahead and ask me or Cal. That’s the lad over in security, in case you didn’t know. Lord knows he’s young, but he won’t give you any grief if you need something and can’t get it yourself.”

Calling a farewell, Carl patted Avrex on the shoulder and headed back to his lab, leaving the massive reptilian being towering over the tiny female.

Avrex slowly squatted down as low as xey could manage in an attempt to put her at ease. Xer experience with humans was still somewhat limited, but observation had shown that humans tended to be slightly intimidated by a difference in height.

Her cheeks were changing color again. Looking down, the human female mumbled something at the floor.

Avrex cocked xer head. “Could you repeat that more clearly please?”

Melanie seemed to gather her courage and finally looked the massive officer in the larger pair of xer four amber colored eyes.

“I’m on my period.” The admission made, she seemed to lose some of her discomfort. “It started a few hours ago while I was up in the machinery. I had to climb down and run to the rest roo-damnit, waste room to clean myself up. I’m sorry about the blood, I’ll be more careful in future.”

Avrex cocked xer head. “I do not understand. I was under the impression that ‘period’ is a form of punctuation denoting the end of a sentence. How then, can you be ‘on’ it?”

She stared at xem for a long moment, eyes widening as she slowly seemed to realize that xey genuinely had no idea what she was talking about. “Ok. Um… the word ‘period’ also means a length of time. Human females use the word as slang to talk about a specific time. It’s… God, I can’t believe I’m giving an alien the talk. Ok, so basically…”

Avrex listened in growing astonishment as the little female described a process by which one of her internal organs partially deconstructed itself once a month unless she put it to use in forming a baby. If she was to be believed, it happened once a month from approximately age eleven to age forty to fifty. Admittedly, compared to the amount of blood in the human body the amount lost during one of the episodes she described was relatively small. But, she explained that other fluids were expelled as well, along with pieces of the organ that was shredding and rebuilding itself. The entire process took place approximately every three to four weeks.

Avrex shook xer head. “Shouldn’t such a process be painful?”

Melanie shrugged. “Well yeah. I know some women who stay in bed the entire time they’re on because it hurts so bad.”

The first officer reared back in alarm. “Are you in pain?!”

Another shrug. “My uterus is shredding it’s inner lining because I’m not knocked up with a baby. Yes, I hurt.”

Avrex had to work hard not to snap xer teeth in xer anger on Melanie’s behalf. “If human females require bed-rest while experiencing one of these ‘periods’, why are you not in bed? Surely if you explained the situation to the medical officer he would have given you medical leave. We do not require a crew member to return to active duty immediately after surgery, surely an internal organ coming apart cannot be so different!”

Melanie laughed. Laughed!

The little human caught xer hand and gave it a squeeze. “I said some humans Avrex. Some. Most don’t experience severe pain. If it gets bad, it means that more than likely something else is wrong. Most of us wear special liners in our clothes or inserted into our bodies to catch the blood so we don’t get it all over the place. And we just go on with our daily routine. Grin and bear it. We’ll be alright.”

The first officer wasn’t convinced. “At least tell me that you have spoken to the medical officer about something to relieve the pain.”

She shook her head, holding up a hand to forestall xer protests. “Some women do. I don’t like using pain medication for something I can tough out. Humans have this thing, where we can slowly build up an immunity to certain drugs through prolonged use. I avoid pain medication so I don’t build up an immunity. That way, when I do need it I know it works really well. As soon as I realize my period is starting, I start drinking more water. The human body is about sixty percent water, and making sure that I’m properly hydrated speeds up the process and makes it hurt less. Instead of dealing with it for six to seven days, it only lasts three to four. Seriously Avrex, I’m fine, and I’ve got a handle on the rest of the symptoms. There’s nothing to worry about.”

Avrex felt as if xer head was spinning. “Other symptoms?”

The human bared her teeth in another smile. “Most of us get moody because our hormone level fluctuate a bit. It hits every woman a bit differently. Some women turn into a weepy mess. Me? I turn into a grouchy, irritable, cow who avoids everyone like the plague. Other women will get angry at the drop of a hat and bite the head off the nearest individual that annoys her.” She must’ve seen the look of shock and horror on xer face because she immediately backtracked. “Shit, not literally! I mean they just get overly aggressive, usually verbally.”

She waited for a second, to make sure xey understood, then went on.

“Aside from the moodiness it’s a grab bag of ways your period will affect you. Some people get cravings, some people get back pain, or their breasts”, she put her hands illustratively on the soft mounds on her chest to be sure that there wasn’t any miscommunication between them about what ‘breasts’ were, “get sore. Most of us get cramps in our lower abdomens right about here.” Again the illustrative touch, this time to a spot just below her belt. “Some of us have an increased sex drive, while others just want to roll themselves up in a blanket like a burrito, and a lot of us are fatigued. Every woman’s different.”

Avrex slowly shook xer head, completely dumbfounded by the sudden influx of information. “Is…is there anything you currently require? I know that Carl already asked, and you informed him that you were sufficiently prepared, but…”

Her face softened. “I’m fine Avrex. Really. I just…”

“Hey! Melanie! You gonna keep up with the men today, or are you gonna have a tea party with the dinosaur all day?”

Avrex almost responded.

Almost.

Instead, xey remained stationary, watching as a strange change came over the female before xem. Where before she had been timid and shy, at the sudden derogatory call from the newest of the five humans, a male named Dave, her face suddenly became calm and smooth as granite.

She slowly turned and cast a threatening, and yes Avrex was sure that this smile was definitely a threat, at Dave and the other male mechanic Josh. Josh had been the fourth human taken on, hired within days of Cal the security guard.

As Dave was the one who’d spoken, Melanie seemed to focus most of her attention on him. “Care to run that by me again smart mouth?”

Josh, older and more mature than Dave, seemed to understand the unspoken warning. “Dave…”

The younger human ignored him. “Ooh, someone woke up on the bitchy side of the bed this morning. What’s a matter sweet cheeks?” He made an expression that Avrex would later learn was called a leer. The male grabbed her by the arm. “Maybe you just need a little action to settle you down, yeah? How ‘bout it babe? I bet I can get that stick out of your ass. Hm? Maybe put something better…”

A large wrench whistled through the air and stopped within a micron’s breadth of the young human’s nose. It was easily the length of the male’s forearm, and had previously been occupying a loop on Melanie’s belt. He stared at it, cross eyed and pale, then looked at the diminutive little female who could’ve easily broken his nose if she’d had less control.

“What’s a matter?” She parroted the question back, voice tight and dark. “What’s a matter is that I started my day in a fountain of my own blood, and that’s how you’re going to end yours if you ever call me ‘sweet cheeks’, ‘babe’, or any other cutesy nickname again. And as for keeping up with you ‘men’, I’m already three days ahead of schedule. You’ve barely been on this ship a month and you’re already two weeks behind. So I’d say it’s you who aught to be keeping up with me, because it seems anything you can do I can do better and faster while bleeding.” Her dark eyes narrowed. “And lastly? If you ever lay hands on me again? I promise you, they will never find your body.”

She slid the wrench back into her belt, cast a respectful nod to Avrex, and calmly crawled back up into the machinery.

Dave stared after her for a long moment, then pointed. “Josh! Did you see what that bitch just…”

The older male cuffed him over the back of the head. “You’re an idiot. Never piss off something that bleeds for seven days a month and doesn’t die. I haven’t got to know her all that well yet, but Mel is worth ten of you. That woman works her ass off. If you ever go after her again, and she doesn’t kill you, you can bet that I will happily beat you black and blue!”

Avrex bared xer teeth, allowing a tiny warning growl to rumble deep inside xer barrel chest. The reptilian first officer slowly stood to xer full ten foot height, looming over the miscreant. “Consider yourself warned.”


An additional talk with Carl yielded a few ‘pearls of wisdom’ concerning ‘feminine’ needs.

With the thunderstruck captain’s blessing, Avrex ordered small metal receptacles installed in each of the public waste rooms on board at their next stop. Carl had suggested small boxes, but given the frequency of meteor showers and pirate attacks, evasive maneuvers were engaged fairly often. Avrex thought it better to have the receptacles affixed to the wall and a basic bolt lock placed on the lid so that the ‘feminine’ supplies wouldn’t be thrown around the waste rooms when the ship had to duck or roll suddenly.

Upon having the situation explained, the other alien members of the crew who hadn’t been released for shore leave were more than happy to help. They liked Melanie, and the discovery that she spent a week in pain each month and gave no outward sign was disconcerting to say the least.

Other changes included stain proof bedding, a heating pad, a new fluffy blanket, and a few earth sweets being slipped into her room.


Dave, the human who had harassed her, was not invited back to the ship.

Instead he was replaced with a male creylight from the Andromeda system. While not as small as the humans, he was still flexible enough to reach most of the components without taking a piece of the engine apart, and he was much stronger. The humans wouldn’t have to drag the lifting equipment out as often.

He was also made aware of how his predecessor had been fired for his disrespectful, inappropriate, and frankly downright threatening behavior towards Melanie.

The crew was not going to tolerate such treatment towards their favorite human.


Melanie nearly burst xer ear drums with her grateful calls upon returning from shore leave and discovering what xey had done.

She had been dreading coming back to work and having to deal with Dave. And then to find out he’d been fired, and to see what ‘sweethearts’ the rest of the crew had been…

As xey crouched down to receive the strongest ‘hug’ the little human could muster, Avrex couldn’t help but marvel at the change in her attitude. While she still treated Josh a little coolly, Melanie seemed much less guarded than she had before. She made friends with Cal, and Carl, and slowly started to get to know Josh. She was more outgoing while socializing with the rest of the crew. The timidity faded, an air of preparedness that the crew hadn’t even realized was there fell away. Leaving her relaxed and free. For the first time since she’d boarded the ship, she seemed truly happy.

She felt safe.

And Avrex couldn’t help but feel both saddened and enraged at how surprised she seemed that they would go out of their way to make her feel safe and comfortable. That she was so used to relying on no one but herself. So used to being stepped on and living in fear of the male half of her species taking advantage of her.

No more.

Avrex took care of xer crew.

Voltron Season 3

Okay, so, I can’t be the only one that doesn’t want Keith to lead Voltron in the beginning of season 3–at least, not easily at all. How much effort has been put into Keith and Shiro bonding with their lions aside, it just seems like a really, really bad idea for the team dynamic. 

Which I guess might be the whole point. If Keith does try to lead Voltron, I want it to go really, really badly. I want Red pissed at him and I want Black frustrated with the whole thing. I want them unable to form Voltron. I want Keith saying he’s gonna lead and Lance flipping his shit. But then Keith says “well, Shiro said he wanted me to do it!” And while this kind of shuts everyone up on the subject, tension is high (especially when every time Lance tries to say something, Keith shuts him down). 

I want Keith to be solely focused on rescuing Shiro, to the point where it’s a hinderance. Because, c’mon, ya’ll know he would be. While Keith isn’t selfish in his intentions (as he accused Pidge of being in the beginning of season 1), he can be in his actions. He’s always the first one to go off on his own, act rashly, and end up in battles he shouldn’t be facing alone. 

Keith is a loner and hasn’t yet learned to connect with his teammates enough to be a good leader. The only character he has a semi strong bond with is Shiro. And as he lacks the supportive leadership skills that Shiro has, it stands to reason that he’s not going to be very good at understanding his teammates. While in a battle he may know what needs to be done, he doesn’t know how to deal with people. His social obliviousness has been made clear multiple times. 

That aside, if we’re going to be changing the lions around, who’s taking over the spare lion? Is it Allura? Coran? And which lion is getting the switch? Why isn’t Allura getting the black lion and being the one in charge (this is how it should be, by all rights)? Maybe she will, we don’t know. 

BUT if she doesn’t–if Keith ends up in charge–it shouldn’t stick. There’s no way in hell Lance would rally behind Keith. Not with how poorly Keith will handle the team dynamics. It will fester, as will the fact that Shiro decided to put Keith in charge in his absence instead of someone else. And through Lance it will make Hunk and Pidge uncertain. 

I see them looking for Shiro and getting a distress call, but Keith wanting to ignore it in favor of looking for Shiro. Allura will have issues with this, but so will Hunk. After his reaction to the Balmera, you think he’d be okay with not trying to save enslaved peoples on their way through? Bad feelings begin to fester.  

They’ll find leads on Pidge’s family, but Keith will, again, want to focus solely on Shiro, feeding Pidge some bull about them being able to more efficiently look for her family after they find Shiro (look at how he reacted in season 1–you know that’s what he’d say). Again, bad feelings will fester. 

Until, finally, Lance loses it with Keith “bossing” everyone around, even if that wasn’t Keith’s intention (likely, Keith thinks he’s doing the right thing). They’ll get into a huge fight, Hunk and Pidge both agreeing with Lance’s points about Keith’s behavior. 

Keith will be frustrated. He feels out of place in the black lion and like he’s trying to fill shoes that are far, far too big for him (because they are). But he also feels like the others aren’t seeing the big picture. They have to find Shiro because they can’t save the universe without him. That should be their priority number one, in his mind. So you know what he does? In typical Keith fashion, he decides to deal with the situation on his own. He goes back to Red (if he’d ever left her in the first place) and leaves

He’s gonna find Shiro, even if he has to do it on his own. 

Thus, Team Voltron falls even more to shambles. 

Upon learning that Keith has left, Lance tries to remain bitter, but the guilt gnaws at him. While Lance does have the people skills that Keith lacks and could step up to the plate, his lack of self-esteem (because Lance’s confidence is about as thick as tissue paper) doesn’t allow him to do it. After all, he’s the jokester, the idiot, the one no one takes seriously. And he soon comes to believe that Keith leaving is his fault. 

So you know what he does? He goes after Keith. 

Which leaves Hunk and Pidge as the only lions left at the castle. This allows for two things–it allows Hunk and Pidge to stretch their legs in leadership positions as well as give the two the chance to form relationships with Allura and Coran. After all, Hunk wanted to be the head. Well, here’s his chance whether he wants it or not. Hunk being Hunk, however, wants to keep what little of the team is left together. Pidge was thinking of leaving too, to go look for her family, but Hunk stops her. He promises her they’ll look, explaining that going solo is only going to get them all into deeper trouble. Therefore, it becomes Hunk’s personal mission, and the heavy, heavy weight on his shoulders, to get the team back together. They go off in the direction they think Lance and Keith may have gone, answering any and all distress calls along the way. They get clues as to the locations of their friends, about the Galra, and make friendly with all kinds of peoples, even some that Allura probably doesn’t approve of. 

Because Allura’s arc will be her dealing with her own prejudice as well as the loss of her team and what she views as a failure on her part. However, Hunk is the perfect person to help rebuild her and get her back on the right track. 

Ultimately, it’s Hunk and Pidge, with Allura and Coran, that end up finding and saving Shiro. This is their big victory, so to speak, and goes very, very far in developing Hunk’s character, which is sorely needed. Big Man needs a situation to expand his strengths and become the rock of the team he’s supposed to be. It will, therefore, be Hunk who brings their leader back, as is fitting.  

You know who doesn’t get to save Shiro? Keith. Keith, who in his reckless determination has abandoned his family and realizes his mistake too late. Because, low and behold, he can’t do things on his own. I want Keith to learn some lessons because, frankly, he’s too much of a loose cannon not to. I want his lion stolen and him forced to trust and depend on others to help him from planet to planet hunting for for his lion and Shiro. I want him to learn nothing about where Shiro is and instead get lead upon lead about others in distress. I want him to see those families suffering at the hands of the Galra that he spoke of in season 1 and be unable to do anything. You want to know why? Because if there’s anything Keith has clearly never been, it’s helpless (at least, not since he was a child, which could make the whole thing even more interesting if he’s the way he is so as to avoid the helplessness he was dealt as a child *shrugs*). He needs to learn to depend on others and listen. In the end, he gets his lion back, but he’s faced with a crossroad. Does he follow a vague, undefined rumor he heard about Shiro, or does he follow all the clues he’s been getting about Pidge’s family? 

Keith gets to rescue and bring back Pidge’s father now (not the brother, because that’s too easy, obviously) because that’s what he learns is the right thing to do. Together–because Pidge’s father is a genius–they find the castle of lions and regroup, only to find Shiro already there. 

But Lance is still missing and learning that Lance left to go after him after he foolishly abandoned them eats horribly at Keith, as it very well should (Keith is one of my fav characters, guys, really XD).  

Lance, meanwhile, gets a treatment very opposite to Keith’s. He’s having doubts when it becomes clear he can’t track Keith. He’s reflecting on whether he even deserves to be a paladin and what he manages to bring to the team. he feels worthless and lost, and even his typical front of flirting and over-confidence begins to break down. But I want him to meet someone, someone older, that acts as a mentor to him. Because, frankly, Shiro makes a good mentor to Keith and Pidge, but hardly paid any attention to Lance and Hunk. And while Hunk doesn’t seem like the type to need that kind of support overly much, Lance is. But this person needs to be someone significant–maybe a member of an underground resistance outside the Blade of Marmora, maybe a previous paladin (I like this one a lot), I don’t care. But, one way or another, they–with Lance at the helm–save a fuckload of people and, you know what, because Lance deserves his moment too, they discover/save something/someone(s) huge. Or, better yet, diplomatically negotiate with a civilization that is powerful, but been in hiding as a result of the Galra empire spreading. Maybe they’re special because they know something about the lions. Maybe they built the fucking lions and it’s only through Lance’s growing confidence in his ability to be diplomatic–using the people skills he has but more or less abused in the past–that they convince this society and their awesome army/technology/badass ships/robots to join the Voltron cause. 

Lance’s character, above them all, needs this victory. He needs this proof of his value and as a way to solidify himself as the Blue lion. Lance needs his fucking moment, both for himself and the viewers, who have been as unable as Lance himself to truly see his value.  

When will this moment come? When he and this society (I really like this idea, okay?) hear through some high tech communication stuff that the castle of lions is in danger and that the Galra have brought down their whole fist in an effort to beat them/steal the lions. I imagine this society being either similar to the Alteans or related, so they’ll have the ability to make worm holes. 

Anyway, back on the castle of lions, shit is hitting the fan. They don’t currently have the support of the Blade of Marmora because, well, this isn’t the show finale and we need to leave some “gathering of allies” for later (you know, Avatar style). Which means they’re stuck minus one lion. But damn if they don’t come up with an awesome plan and make some epic dents in the Galra fleet (probably Lotor is around being a creeper too, because I get the feeling he’d probably have been around the whole time. Probably harassing team Hunk and being a passive-aggressive little bitch). Still, despite said awesome plan, they’re screwed. 

Until, boom, Lance shows up with the fleet of whatever it was he made an alliance with and the advantage is gained. The Galra are sent scattering (for once), Voltron is formed, and, uh, maybe Voltron fights Lotor, because this gives Lotor an excuse to see Voltron’s true power (and realize what his ridiculous father was always going on about). Upon being royally assaulted by Voltron, Lotor runs away. Which basically means he can’t go back to the Galra and, thus, we get a spoiled-brat prince with allegiance to no one continuing to cause problems in the next season (hint, hint, he’d eventually become good).    

Probably end the season with the team kind of getting a sort of victory (the Galra run away, so it’s not like they won the war or anything). There’s a bit at the end–maybe a cheesy reunion that doesn’t hold a lot of weight, because, boom, you have to wait till next season. Where we’ll get heavy on the Pidge and heavy on the Shiro again (since he’d been basically gone this whole season) and heavy on the Lance and Keith learning to be friends instead of rivals. 

THAT’S WHAT I WANT, OKAY?! 

Read my headcanons for season 4 here!

Maybe I’ll just end up writing this as a fic myself >.<

Originally posted by vyctornikiforov

Here’s a preview of my piece for the @gfwayfaringstrangerszine . I’m really humbled to be part of this amazing project with so many incredible artists. I hope you’re looking forward to it as much as I am!

Hint about the full piece: it’s the origin of one of Stan’s phobias… 

(*sweats* working on this is why I haven’t been posting much art lately, I’m slow!)

Happy father’s day!! friendly reminder that keith’s dad:

  • abandoned him “so many years” ago, and never even told him why
  • raised and left keith in a run down shack in the middle of the desert 
    • said shack doesnt even have a bed, so keith likely slept on this decrepit looking couch thing with this thin cloth for a blanket
    • because keith had no other relatives or place to go, and due to the shack’s location, enlisting in the garrison was likely one of keith’s only options 
  • his absent father also seems to be the root of all his abandonment issues, which is probably a big part of why he’s also so affected by losing shiro and has trouble opening up to people 
  • mr kogane also never told his son anything about being half-alien that could’ve possibly helped him understand why he feels so lost, or to help prepare him for anything that might happen with the galra in the future 
    • instead, he just leaves keith with the bom knife and tells him nothing about it
    • doesnt tell him anything about his mom either
    • this ensures that keith’s only way of finding out his past would be to endure a perilous cult-like initiation that either ends in “knowledge or death,” which could’ve totally killed him  
  • it might just be because keith’s having this weird nightmare vision, but his dad in bom sure seems…strange. like, how he keeps the windows blocked off and keeps telling keith everything will be fine if they just stay inside. if those lines were pulled from like a repressed memory or something, then the implications just…arent very good…

ya i just…. i would fight keith’s dad

Living Next-Door to Teamiplier

This was fun to do. I couldn’t stop smiling while writing this! 
It’s pretty self-explanatory, this is a list of what it would be like living next to Mark, Ethan, Tyler, Amy and Katherine.  
Hope you guys enjoy!

Originally posted by murphranger

-You begin to question your neighbors sanity. 

-At first, you thought they were a bunch of hilarious nut-jobs. Maybe have a few screws loose and you should probably be worried for yourself. 

-But after meeting them personally and Mark explaining what he does for a living, EVERYTHING MADE SENSE! 

-After meeting everyone, you sort of fell into a sense of understanding and acceptance. 

-The first few times you caught the boys in dresses, you couldn’t help but laugh and crack jokes. 

-They flipped you off, jokingly criticizing whatever you were wearing at the time.

-Now, when you see Tyler in a massive turkey outfit, you just sip your coffee and wave at them from across the fence. 

-They’ve apologized many times for the weird noises coming from inside their house. 

-They give you some warning if they’re going to be doing stuff outside. Usually accompanied by Mark’s cooking because he felt bad about the loud music the night before.

-You actually went over and knocked on their door to make sure they were ok after hearing lots of screaming. 

-You found out they were just making a video. 

-They invited you inside to watch. 

-Funniest afternoon of your life. You still laugh about it weeks afterwards. 

-Amy and Katherine chat with you over the fence. They ask for cooking ingredients sometimes because Mark and the boys used it in their videos. 

-Anything you see through the windows, is entirely restricted to be spoken about between you and them. 

-You at first thought they were doing it for fun. (Which they were of course).

-But after watching a few of Mark’s videos and vlogs and live-streams, you’re safe to say you admire Mark and his work even more. 

-You donate to his live-streams and he shouts a thank you from the upstairs window. 

-You give him a thumbs-up from your side of the fence. 

-Ethan sometimes running to your house to hide from the others. 

-“They want me to do weird things, (Y/N)! Strange, unnatural things! Don’t let them find me!” 

-When this happens, you feign ignorance of Ethan’s location. 

-But Mark brings you over home-cooked meals and you give the blue-boy up instantly. 

-Ethan calling you over the fence because he doesn’t want to live with these “weirdos” anymore. 

-“I’ll sleep on the couch! I’ll rub your feet and clean! I beg you!”

-Him silently crying in your direction and mouthing, “Help” every time they shoot a video outside and you’re watching.

-Tyler is tall enough to see over the fence. 

-He leans over the top and chats with you while you’re gardening. 

-If you’re having trouble with something in the house, he’ll come over and help fix/move it. 

-Chica met you once and now escapes to go see you. 

-She’ll sleep on the front mat and wait for you to come to the door. 

-Tyler lifts her up so you can pat her over the fence. 

-You dog-sit when Teamiplier go away.

-The rest of the street think you’re all nuts. 

-Which is fine because you don’t like people coming uninvited to your door. 

-Except Teamiplier. 

-They pretty much treat your home like their own. (Within respective reason) 

-Mark knocks and enters.

-Ethan just waltzes right in. 

-Tyler knocks and waits patiently for you to open the door and allow him inside.

-Whenever something is thrown onto your side of the fence, the boys will try to clamber/jump over to get it. 

-This ends in a lot of swearing, sometimes a scrape or two.-Usually you throw it back over. But then it comes back a few more times. 

-So you sat on your side of the fence hitting whatever came over with a tennis-racket. 

-”Ignore the person on the other side of the fence!” Mark told the camera.
“They’re not important! They’re a nobody!” Ethan waved his hand in your direction.
“I’m keeping this ball now!” 

-Mark’s community have only seen glimpses of you. An arm or the top of your head peeking over the fence. 

-But you’re still a huge part of the channel since the boys call out for you in most of the videos that are filmed outside. 

-You answer them either with a loud, rude noise or a sarcastic comment that they all laugh at. 

-You had pretended to be annoyed when a stray foam arrow had flown through the open window of your kitchen. 

-But you couldn’t help but find the whole thing funny. 


-“Who the fuck just tried to assassinate me?” 
“Sorry! We’re really sorry!” 
“Next time aim better!” 

-Being Neighbors with Teamiplier is never dull. There is always something to smile or laugh at, and you have grown close to the bunch of weirdos over the fence.

Have fun being stranded in the Philippines.

Please be patient, the buildup to this is intense and long but the resulting revenge has probably put me on the Devil’s shortlist. (tl:dr at the end)

About 3 months before I finally quit, I was getting really pissed. Management was never in the office, the Owner couldn’t make up his mind about anything, and so many people were quitting that I ended up being the only Programmer/Developer in an office of about 50 people… for a company that received 95% of its business from online sales. People started taking credit for my work and I decided to quit. Looked around for jobs, found one pretty quickly, and put in my two weeks notice with a nice little note that simply said something to the effect of “I hereby resign, effective blah blah blah”.

Lo and behold the man who had in the last few days become my manager (we’ll call him Frank) instead of idk maybe promoting the only programmer in the company to the head of the development department, begged me to stay, promised me a raise, and told me about their new project and how he wanted me to be involved.

Keep reading

Before I start this post, I want to say that everyone’s orientation is different! I’ve seen that a lot of schools have orientation over the summer, weeks before classes start. My school, I guess because only a few of us are from here and the majority of students are out of the state/country, we had orientation week starting on move-in day, the same week classes started. That’s why I will be discussing move-in day and the first day of classes here, though yours might be a completely separate experience. Let’s get started!

Move-In Day

  • Dress for a lot physical activity. You are going to be lugging your shit up and down stairs (elevators get full, if you even have them) all day, walking back and forth to your car, and once you get everything in your room, you will have to unpack and loft your bed, etc. You are going to be sweaty and exhausted by the time it’s all over. I wanted to still be cute so I wore spandex, my Vandy t-shirt and hat, and a full face of makeup lol. I know you might want to make a good first impression on your roommate and new classmates, but everyone will be wearing what looks like workout clothes. Don’t wear jeans or a dress or something. It’s August, it’s hot, you’ll regret it.
  • Be patient. Oh my god, I swear 90% of the memories I have of move-in day are just me waiting. Waiting in the car for the line to move towards the dorms, waiting in line to get my key, waiting for a dolly to free up, waiting to get inside the elevator, waiting for the stairs to clear up. It’s so boring, especially when you’re so excited to just finally be there. Be prepared to wait and try to appreciate your last few moments before college ruins your life (just kidding!).
  • Brace yourself for something to go wrong. No matter how organized your school is, chaos is inevitable on move-in day. You will have planned according to a schedule they gave you, and something will not go the way it’s supposed to. Thousands of freshmen who don’t know anything all in the same place at once is a recipe for disaster. Just don’t stress about it cause it will all work itself out. Honestly, that’s a philosophy to live by for your entire college career, not just move-in day.

Orientation Week

  • I can’t even explain how busy you’ll be. Starting from the first floor meeting we had on move-in day, the entire next seven days were packed full of activities and meetings and ceremonies. I still have my freshmen guide with the itenerary of all the things we had to do, and it was pages long. Everyday we would wake up at like 8, and have things to do until after midnight. I was so busy, I didn’t even have time to be on my phone, and I love social media. You will be so tired, and it will get old really quick. I don’t really have any advice, but through the exhaustion, remember to try and appreciate this chaotic time and stay in the moment. You’ll never again experience the freshness and excitement of your first week at college, soon you’ll get used to it all and you’ll wish for that feeling back.
  • You don’t have to attend everything. Like I said, you will be exhausted. You won’t want to wake up at 6 am for the Freshman Sunrise (i did and i regretted it), or to take the class picture where you have to stand still for an hour and you can’t even see yourself in the photo (again, i should’ve slept in). You might feel obligated to go to everything, but if you just need a break, then take that break. Orientation is overwhelming. 
  • Don’t freak out if you miss a required meeting. We had lots of events that were marked required. It’s inevitable that people miss these, due to sleeping through an alarm, or reading the time wrong, or getting lost on campus since you don’t know where everything is. Lots of the time, they only mark it as required to scare people into going when there’s no real consequence if you don’t. Even if there is a consequence, you won’t get into any major trouble the first week. You’re freshmen, they understand. Do try to make it to them, though. The best way to do this is to find friends or other people who are in that same section and go together.
  • Don’t stress about making friends. It is quite literally impossible to not make friends during orientation week. You will have to attend so many things with the same group(s) of people that you’ll bond over that alone. You don’t even have to try, so if you’re not a social person, don’t worry. As long as you don’t stay silent in a corner, you’ll have plenty of people to hang out with. 
  • Don’t stress about keeping the friends you do make. You will meet a million people, and have a million new numbers in your phone. You will have a hard time matching everyone’s names to their faces. People form connections really quickly, that’s just human nature, but this is especially heightened in university when everyone is away from home and no one knows anyone. Don’t feel like you have to stay attached to the same five people you became best friends with after two days for fear of not finding anyone else to be close to. Lots of people meet their real friends at the beginning of the year, but most people don’t. All of the pictures and videos I have from my entire first semester are with and of people I don’t even speak to anymore, people who, frankly, I can hardly stand to look at now. During orientation, you’ll gravitate towards anyone, but you’ll soon realize you don’t know them at all and they might turn out to be shitty people. I met all the friends I have now second semester through the LGBT group on campus, and they’re great. Point is, don’t feel too attached to your orientation buddies. You will find your people, even if it takes a while.

First Day of Classes

  • Find the buildings where your classes are held beforehand. Yes, I mean physically walk to them and find the exact classroom, don’t just use Google Maps to make sure you can get there in ten minutes. I knew the names of all the buildings and their general location, but then I found out some buildings are attached to each other and numbered in a strange order, then you finally find the right building but can’t find the right floor and hallway. I was late to all of my classes the first day. University buildings are so confusing. You will have trouble, I promise you. Do yourself a favor and figure out how to get to all of your classrooms sometime earlier in the week. You will feel great about not being that embarrassing freshmen asking the upperclassmen for directions (who are happy to help, but will laugh at you just a little bit).
  • Introduce yourself to the professor before or after class. You don’t have to do this if you don’t want, but it can’t hurt. Just shake their hand and make sure they can match your face to the name. Doing this the first day makes it easier to establish contact with them later in the semester, which you’ll probably have to do. Don’t worry, you’ll see lots of the other students in your lecture doing this, too. Just hop on in line.
  • Double check to make sure you don’t have any assignments due/papers to bring. This is unlikely cause you don’t have summer work in college (at least to my knowledge) and it’s never happened to me, but I had friends whose professors had assigned them work for the the first day of class. This is really ugly, I know, but just check your email and Blackboard to make sure there’s nothing to do. 

This is longer than I anticipated, so thanks if you read it all! I hope this helps someone out. Orientation is a chaotic mess but so so fun, cause it’s the only time you’ll ever be able to experience the fun of college without the stress of the work. Up next is advice on living with a roommate (and boy, do I have advice for that). Previous posts:

Application Process

Choosing/Changing Majors

Humans are weird #5 (Questions)

In my studies of the inhabitants of Sol-1(3), locally known as Earth, I have made a number of observations regarding the humans. The following are a collection of some of the questions I’ve noted that have yet to be answered by the human race.

Who let the dogs out?” Humans have a fascination with canines, going so far as to create emotional bonds with them. This question was first posed by the Baha Men. It is unknown where the dogs were let out from.

Scooby Doo, where are you?” Scoobert ‘Scooby’ Doo is a member of the canine species, famous due to his ability in solving crimes the local police force were unable to. Despite his fame, the humans seem to have trouble locating him.

What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?” Rubber ducks are made of an artificial material to resemble the Earth duck. Many use it while cleaning themselves, but why they do and how it’s useful isn’t known. Also unknown is the original intended purpose of the item.

2

Beware that rip

Since it’s still summer where I live and I just got back from a beach where this phenomenon is an ever present danger (depending on Oceanos’s mood of the day) a quick line on rips seemed appropriate. They can sweep you out to sea unawares, and if one panics and tries to swim against it rather than parallel to the beach to get out of it, one could end up in serious, even fatal trouble. These narrow currents flow out from the surf zone of sandy beaches, scouring the sea bed to make deeper calm looking hollows where they occur.

Keep reading

“Just passing through?” the Rooster asks, wary of your intentions. Nobody has moved to this town in twelve years, not since the mine was worked barren. The Rooster knows everybody here, working as he does in the gas station on what passes for a main street, and he does not recognize you. He also knows the sort of trouble a body can cause when they’ve no ties that bind to a location, and the silence following his question grows deafening. 

"Yeah, uh, yes sir,” you stammer, wholly unprepared for the distrust palpable in what would be otherwise an innocent question, “I’m on my way to ████████ and thought it might be best to fill the tank up now so i can head straight home after.” 

Two slips of paper are slid across the counter: the merchant’s copy of the credit card transaction for you to sign and a copy for you to keep. You autograph quick as you can; the silence again attacking your eardrums is broken only when you hand over your signature. “I reckon you’re right,” the Rooster says, “It’d be best you not stop in here again.”

You leave.

Imagine Being Kidnapped by Kingsman’s Old Enemies

A/N: Hey pals! Sorry I’ve not updated in a while, I have mocks next week so things will be a bit slower :( hope that’s okay, and I’ll queue up some fics so you can’t avoid me ;P. ALSO I posted this on the wrong blog earlier sorryyyyy :P
This was requested by @thestrawberryblondehobbitbatch so I hope you like it!

Warnings: Violence, kidnapping, swearing.

You woke up to hushed voices and a throbbing headache.

Prying your eyes open, you tried to reach up and rub them - only to find your hands tied behind your back, tight enough so you could feel the zip ties digging into your wrists.

“What the fuck?” You mumbled, voice still groggy from being unconscious. In the darkness, you could just make out the figures huddled in the corner of the room as they glanced over at your, still deep in conversation.

You felt a shiver of fear run through your body. These people were definitely not your friends; the guns in their hands and the pain in your head could attest to that. So who were they?

It was then that one of the silhouettes made their way out of the darkness. He was a tall, broad-shouldered man and he walked with the sharp posture of a soldier. There was a shotgun holstered on his thigh and he spun a knife between his fingers, the metal reflecting what little light there was in the room.

“Good. You’re awake.” he moved closer, kneeling in front of you, eyes locked on yours. You thought you recognised him; his voice and movements seemed familiar somehow.

“I see you’ve remembered me. I remember you, Emrys. You took down my organisation five years ago - you and Galahad, was it?” You knew exactly what he meant. Five years ago, when you’d only just joined Kingsman, you took your first mission with Agent Galahad. It was rough, and cold - three weeks in Russia in December, two of which were spent staking out the gang in an abandoned barn.

You recognised the man then. He was the ringleader of the operation that shipped drugs and body parts in an illegal trade network through Europe. Agent Galahad was new to Kingsman as well, so you worked well together, with him in the field and you hacking your way into the gang’s systems with ease.

Agent Galahad asked you out when you got back. You fell asleep on him in the cab, but he carried you inside and left a sticky note on your forehead with a time and a place.

(He did the same thing four years later when he proposed.)

“Yep, that was us. We fucked your operation right up, didn’t we?” You smirked at him, and he placed a calloused hand on your shoulder, making you flinch.

“You did indeed. But now -” He paused to look back at the others, two of whom were unlocking the cell door, “-you can help us fix it.” You rolled your eyes but felt fear gripping your core.

“How?” The man smiled, showing missing teeth and several gold fillings. You saw one of the others moving forwards, with a long chain that he quickly pulled around your ankles, tying you up completely. You tried to kick him, and hit his nose - he let out a long string of curses and the leader glared at you, raising a meaty fist that slapped your cheek.

“Time to go, Agent.” He grabbed you around the waist and threw you over his shoulder, and you screamed, wriggling and squirming but held still in his uncomfortable grasp.

They led you down a tunnel, standing close to the walls and walking in perfect formation. The man carrying you stood at the back, and as you moved your hands to maintain the feeling, you found that you could reach the wall. Bracing yourself, you dug your nails into the wooden wall and scratched four lines across it.
At least if Kingsman found this tunnel, they might guess where you were.

Blood gathered under your nails and splinters embedded themselves in your fingers, but you kept scratching, leaving a long trail down the wall.

The tunnel made a sudden turn, and the walls turned to stone. The group picked up their pace, walking towards a door at the end of the tunnel. When they pushed it open, you saw a room similar to your cell, but with a computer in front of a cast iron chair.

Dropping you unceremoniously into the chair, the leader stepped back and pressed a button. A set of steel cuffs wrapped around your ankles, and just as your hands were freed, they tied a rope tightly around your waist.

“You’re going to break into the secret service computer network. And you’ll implant a virus that can destroy their security, releasing the names of their undercover agents and any weapons plans they have. We’ll use them as leverage and your government will give us the resources we need. Understand?”

You looked at him, eyebrows raised. “You want me to hack into MI6?” He nodded, and his gang began to whisper together.

He held up a hand and the mumbling stopped. “That’s correct. Can you do it?” You bit back the temptation to roll your eyes and settled for breathing deeply.

“What if I don’t do it?” The leader smiled condescendingly, and spun his knife around between his fingers, dangerously close to your face.

“Then we’ll kill you, Agent. Slowly and painfully. Are you willing to take that chance?”

Panic began to build in your chest. You tried to compress it; you were an agent, a good one too. You squeezed your hands together, stroking your wedding ring and taking a breath.

“Try me.“

***

An hour later, and several more bruises later, you still wouldn’t crack. The gang leader (whose name was Sebastian) had tried all manner of methods to convince you help, but none of them had worked. You were still hoping that some other Kingsman agent would rush in to save you.

Somehow, Sebastian cottoned onto this. "They’re not coming for you Agent. They’ve given up on you. You might as well help us now because your Galahad’s clearly not coming to get you.”

Eggsy. Would he really give up on you? You’d both promised each other years before that you would always come for each other. When he saved you from Valentine, when you didn’t sleep for a week so you could watch over him on a dangerous mission - even when everyone else stopped hoping, you two had faith in each other.

“Alright,” You murmured, just loud enough for Sebastian to hear. “I’ll do it.”

“Good, agent. You did the right thing. Pity it took you so long,” He smirked at you, pushing the table with the computer closer to you. Fisting a hand in your hair, he yanked your head close to his.

“If you betray us, I will end you. You have two hours.”

**

The familiar feeling of a keyboard helped to calm you racing heartbeat. You saw that they’d already prepared the software - they just needed you to locate the MI6 system, get past the firewalls, and find the relevant information.

When you began to type, the code felt foreign to your hands. You had taught many agents how to input it, but you’d been waiting to use it for an emergency.

“C'mon, Eggsy, you have to learn this! What if you can’t get out of trouble some day?” Eggsy grinned at you, wiggling his eyebrows.

“I’ll wait for you to come ‘n find me. S'not like I’d let you get rid of me so easily,” You rolled your eyes dramatically; Eggsy leant across the desk, seemingly about to whisper in your ear. Until he pressed his lips to yours and grabbed your waist, pulling you closer.

You always felt butterflies when you thought of the emergency code. This time, it was because of the barrel of a gun you felt pressed into your head.

Merlin would know where you were. If you could just finish the code, it would be less than an hour until they found you. Then all you had to do was pretend to hack until Kingsman got you out.

Enter. All you had to do was wait. For once, you let yourself feel proud, for developing the code that had just sent your location and a distress signal to Kingsman headquarters.

Sebastian pressed the gun harder into your head. “What was that? Are you in?” You shook your head, typing in all the codes you could think of. You just had to bide your time.

“Not yet. It takes time, you know. They have some complex encryptions,” He huffed, but let you get back to work.

Come on, Eggsy. I need you.

***

Your two hours were almost up.

The gun against your head wasn’t pressed as hard; you could still feel the dull ache the pressure had left.

Sebastian was getting desperate.

“Have you done it yet? You have five minutes, agent, and then I will kill you,” You didn’t look back at him, typing even faster. You entered random codes, anything to make you look like you were working.

Bang!

The gang members’ heads all turned to the door. What was that noise? It sounded like… a gunshot.

“What the hell was that?” Hissed Sebastian. Immediately, he took the safety off of his gun, and his cronies began to pull out weapons.

Come on Eggsy, you thought.

Grabbing your arm, Sebastian pressed something on the chair that released the cuffs on your ankles. He yanked you out of the chair, pulling you in front of him and pressing the gun against your temple.
“If this is your agency… I won’t hesitate, Emrys,” You felt hope building in your chest.

There were footsteps pounding the corridor outside. The sound of a gunshot reverberated through the room - please, let it be Eggsy. Suddenly a silence fell. Sebastian didn’t make a noise, and neither did the intruder on the other side of the door.

Until the door was kicked through, and a man in a smartly tailored suit stood there, holding a gun and an umbrella.

“I think you’ve got our hacker, bruv.” Sebastian jumped into action, firing two shots at Eggsy - who dove out of the way with a practised ease and kicked the legs of two other guys from underneath them. with Sebastian distracted, you saw your chance; you twisted his arm backwards and brought your knee to his stomach, sending him sprawling on the stone floor. You ripped the gun from his hands and kicked him, knocking him out.

“Y/N! Behind you!” Cried Eggsy, and you turned around just in time as a woman came up to you, a knife pointed straight at your throat. You threw a punch at her and she reeled backwards, where Eggsy threw her against the wall. There were only two people left, and they stood in the corner of the room, pointing their guns at you and Eggsy. The pair of you made eye contact and dove to the side as the pair shot at you.

You saw Eggsy’s umbrella lying near you, and grabbed it, pulling it towards the two of you. Opening it out, you felt the impact of the bullets and frantically pressed a button on the handle. It sent out a flash of light, and you flinched, but heard the sound of two bodies dropping to the ground.

Peering out from around the umbrella, you saw that the entire gang lay on the floor, dead or unconscious. Slumping against the wall, you looked up at Eggsy, who was staring at you.

“Glad you could make it Eggsy,” He shot you a smile, but the pair of you jumped as a sudden movement caught your eye. It was Sebastian and in his hand a remote. A cut was dripping blood down his face, but he looked you dead in the eyes and pressed a button.

“Security measure,” He whispered, before collapsing. Eggsy looked confused, and you felt the same; until the sound of ticking hit your ears.

Eggsy looked at you, panicked. “What the fuck is that?” Furrowing your brow in concentration, you tried to figure it out. Security measure? What would they have used -

“It’s a bomb! Fuck, Eggsy, we need to go,” Eyes wide, Eggsy grabbed your hand and sprinted out of the room, down the tunnel you had both come through. The ticking seemed to speed up - or maybe it was the blood pounding in your head as your pulse raced. There was a door up ahead, or at least the frame of a door that had clearly been kicked down.

The two of you ran faster still, the ticking reaching a crescendo and the door coming ever closer. Just a bit further, and you were safe -

***

The explosion could be heard from miles away.

It sent a fall of rocks down the mountain, and the entrance to the cave collapsed. No one inside could have survived - at least, that was what Merlin told the pair of you when you were sat safely in the plane, flying far away.

“And Emrys - good to know your code works. And well done on not letting those fuckers do anything awful. Galahad, good job too. But if you ever try and threaten me into saving your wife faster again, I will end you.” There was humour in his voice, and he rolled his eyes affectionately when Eggsy wrapped an arm around your shoulders.

You and Eggsy left the cockpit of the plane, ready to remove your dusty, blood-stained clothes.

“Glad you’re alright, babe. You were fuckin’ badass in there. How did you get ‘em to let you use a computer?” You told him the whole story and he listened intently. As you finished, a curious expression appeared on his face.

“So what did you do if you weren’t hackin’ into MI6?” You hummed, unsure. Trying to think back over the codes you used, you were hit with a sudden realisation.

Biting your lip, you replied, “I just used whatever codes I could think of. They just happened to be the ones I used when Roxy and I hacked Harry’s computer last month…” Eggsy looked shocked, but couldn’t hold in his laughter.

“Oh my God, babe. You mean you -” He was overcome with laughter, and you grinned in mock shame.

“Yeah. I linked all their servers to a porn website. Oh god.”

Eggsy pulled you down onto the seat next to him, kissing you deeply.

“I fuckin’ love you, Y/N,” You smiled into the kiss, reaching a hand up to stroke his cheek.

“Love you too, Eggsy.”

anonymous asked:

RFA + Minor Trio react to MC being kidnapped? And how would they go about saying them?

✿ im sorry if you wanted a serious answer to this because this got goofy.

Yoosung

  • Everyone expects him to cry, but no - no, this little chick of a man has hatched into a full-fletched chicken, and if the Legend of Zelda has taught anyone anything, it’s that our favorite egg-producing feathered friends ought to be respected and feared.
  • He gets cold. Quiet. And though he doesn’t look much like an action hero, he has learned how to be an unstoppable, unrelenting force of destruction via his mother. When you’re taken, Yoosung will not be denied in his quest to get you back.
  • Yoosung hires a private investigator and pours over documents, photos, and red-string connected diagrams in the interests of finding out who took you, where you’re being held, and how to get you back.
  • When storming the warehouse where you’re being kept, he doesn’t go in through the front door, but uses his LOLOL raid-planning skills to engineer a rescue operation. His co-conspirators are said private investigator and his gaming buddies, who Aren’t Going To Leave a Bro Hanging, Dangit.
  • For once, Yoosung gets to be the shining paladin of his dreams as he rushes in to rescue you with a bunch of other nerds.

Zen

  • Zen gets sulky, angsty, and in typical Zen fashion, he lone wolfs it.
  • He really looks the part of a brooding boyfriend set on getting the love of his life back. He puts on his leather jacket! He gets on his motorcycle! And he starts pursuing your captors with a dogged vengeance.
  • He uses his army of fans to track down details about where you are, because even though his armada of pining, lovestruck teenagers doesn’t entirely appreciate your existence, the thought of Zen being a loyal badass who goes to the ends of the earth for his loved one is so D~R~E~A~M~Y that they help out. With thousands of eyes combing the entirety of Korea, he gets some leads about your location within short order.
  • Once he knows where you are, he gets on his motorcycle and CRASHES THAT PARTY.
  • LITERALLY.
  • CRASHES THROUGH THE WINDOW.
  • then throws a chair at someone because Zen’s planning abilities are poor, but his heart is in the right place, ok?

Jaehee

  • jaehee karate chops a motherfucker.
  • Like - there’s no stopping her. There’s no halting her for a fraction of a second. Once she hears the news, she stands up, adjusts her glasses, walks out of work… and goes on the warpath.
  • like, Turn Down for What is blaring in the background as she walks into the camera, explosions firing behind her while she’s dressed in her pencil skirt and fashionable suitjacket.
  • she buries one of her heels into a man’s stomach.
  • IT’S PRETTY SCARY.
  • She rescues you and carries you off into the sunset, while on a yacht, without having sustained a scratch. Everything is sparkling. There’s a dolphin jumping superimposed over a rainbow.
  • …i will admit this might be wish fulfillment here
  • please jaehee. come for me.
  • please.
  • i’ll do anything.

[The others are under the Read-more!]

Keep reading

Witch Tip

This is just a little thing I’ve done a couple of times, and it worked nicely. Many witches collect dirt or detritus from important locations (graveyards, courthouses, colleges, etc…) for use in spellwork. I find it works great. 

The problem, of course, is that you often get weird looks and could run into trouble while doing it! First of all, only do it in areas you’re allowed to be - don’t trespass, obviously! 

The thing is, though you’re not trespassing, some onlookers might still cause trouble for you, especially if you’re in a very conservative/uptight area of the world. 

My method for handling this is simple. I carry a small clipboard. This serves two purposes: I can write where and when I got the material using the clipboard, and people (seeing the clipboard) assume I’m a student doing a project, so they don’t bother me or think it’s odd! 

Thus far, while doing this, nobody’s really approached or noticed me much. It’s great! Letting someone assume I’m doing something else feels okay to me. There’s obviously a ton of other things (magical and mundane) that you’ve got to consider and think about when collecting soil, but this makes it easier.

Another thing I’ve done: instead of collecting soil, collect leaves! This works best in autumn, and you’ll want to consider what species of leaves you’re getting. 

Nevertheless, some dried leaves from a place are just as tied to the land as the soil itself, in my opinion. If, while doing that, someone approaches you, you can just say, “I’m building a leaf collection!” It’s true, after all!

Bad Girls Have All The Fun (Harry Hook x Reader - Smut)

You knew you were in trouble the moment you saw them. You were exploring a different side of the Isle of the Lost when you saw a ship that doubled as a restaurant. Intrigued you entered. You walked into Ursula’s Fish & Chips only to regret it instantly. Everyone’s heads snapped up to survey you; a stranger on their turf. They gave you a once over and went back to work. However, Uma did not. She held eye contact with you and you eventually blinked ending the staring contest. Finally, someone broke the silence; “So, what brings you here, darling?” asked a man with a thick Scottish accent. He sounded close, really close. You scanned the room but could not locate the owner of the voice. He spoke again, closer this time; “I asked, what are you doing here?” His voice harsher this time, and right behind you. You spun around on your heels, accidentally whipping him with your thick hair. “I was taking a walk, but I’ll be leaving now.” you uttered carefully, not wanting to cause anymore trouble for yourself.

“That’s right go back to the rats, the ones who’ll be stuck on this island, powerless for the rest of their miserable lives,” chided Uma. “You’re just like the rest of them!“ she spat. “Excuse me? I am not weak!” you bellowed. She jumped out of her chair so fast she knocked it down. She whipped her swords out ready for a fight, her crew not far behind her. “Prove it,” she challenged you. She charged ready to slice your head off with both her blades when someone blocked her swords with a hook. It was her sidekick. “Before you kill her-,” he interjected “-consider this. She could be useful. We need to gather followers. She can help us fight.” Uma took a moment to ponder her first mate’s idea. She seemed to agree slowly nodding her head. “Fine, I won’t kill you. On one condition. You join us in our fight to regain power,” she offered. You thought it over and really didn’t see any drawbacks to her proposal. Finally something that will show the world what you’re capable of. You nodded your head and shook Uma’s hand. Everyone rejoiced and welcomed you to the cause. The last to do so was the first mate. “Welcome aboard, I’m Hook. Harry Hook, and you are?” he inquired with a stunning smile and sparkling blue eyes. “(y/n y/l/n)” you responded nervously. He smiled, that dazzling smile. “I’ll show you to your new room then,” he stated.

He lead you down a few steps in the back of the restaurant, down a corridor, and opened a door. You stepped inside examining its contents. Against the left wall was a double bed with a porthole right above it, a desk stood against the opposite wall, and against the right wall stood a dresser. You heard the door close behind you and you spun around realising that Harry had left. You flopped onto the bed with a sigh. You crawled under the covers and dozed off, deciding that you would go fetch your things at home tomorrow. You drifted off to sleep listening to the sounds of waves crashing against the ship.

Over the past two weeks you had been with the crew you grew really close with Harry. You talked about your parents and complained about them always telling you to be the baddest you can be. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t have a crush on him. He made you laugh which no one had done in a long time. Whenever he told you stories his father had told him as a young boy, you listened intently. You were in love with his accent, and his eyes, and his smile…and everything about him. When he was around you, you always had a smile plastered on your face.

You were currently in your room, listening to Harry tell you a story you were no longer paying attention to. You were preoccupied with gazing into his eyes. He suddenly stopped talking and moved to sit next to you on your bed. “Do you know why I stopped Uma from killing you the day we met?” he asked out of the blue. You thought for a moment and answered; “You needed numbers, you knew that you needed more people to join you in the fight to regain power,” He laughed at your response, which earned him a glare from you. “No, love. It’s because I was intrigued by you. And if I’m being honest, I’ve developed feelings for you over these short few weeks,” he confessed. You were shocked. Did Harry just admit that he had a crush on you? Holy shit! You realised that you’ve been quiet for far too long and spoke; “Well, I sort of have feelings for you too,” you mumbled. He smirked and smashed his lips against yours. Your lips molded together perfectly. The kiss was slow but passionate. Your lips moved together in perfect harmony. He lightly nibbled on your bottom lip asking you for entrance. You decided to tease him and denied him access. He moved his hands down to your butt and squeezed making you moan. He took the opportunity to push his tongue into your mouth and explore it. Your tongues mangled together fighting for dominance. He won, and further explored your mouth. His tongue gently glided over your teeth, and softly brushed against the roof of your mouth, then twisted with yours again.

His lips abandoned yours only to travel down your jaw, and along your neck, leaving butterfly kisses along your jawline and collarbones. He lightly nibbled a spot near the back of your ear making you moan. He smirked against your skin obviously pleased with himself for finding your sweet spot. He sucked on this spot leaving a mark that would be hard to cover in the morning. His fingers tugged at the hem of your shirt wordlessly asking for your permission. You lifted your shirt over your head and took off your bra along with it. Eager to explore the freshly exposed skin he pulled you onto his lap.

You straddled his lap and he immediately attached his lips to one of your breasts, his hand kneading the other. You moaned at his touch gripping onto his shoulders. You slid his red jacket off his shoulders and he took it off along with his shirt. You had to stop yourself from drooling at the sight of his abs. You’d seen them before when he was practicing sword fighting or training new members of the crew how to fight, which he decided to do shirtless. You pushed him down onto the bed and started leaving a trail of open mouthed kisses down his neck and chest, all the way down to the waistband of his pants. You started to grind against his hard dick, drawing deep throaty moans out of him. He slipped his fingers into the waistband of your pants and snapped it. “These…off, now,” he breathed out.

You got up and kicked off your shoes and took off your pants, then got back on the bed, just in time to watch him strip out of his pants. You licked your lips, and with a smirk he asked; “Like what you see, darling?” You only nodded pulling him back onto the bed. He lied down on top of you his elbows at your sides so that he doesn’t crush you with his weight. You wrapped your legs around his waist as he pushed himself against your center. You couldn’t control the moans that escaped your lips. Harry dipped his head down to your breasts and continued down your body leaving sloppy kisses. When he got to the waistband of your panties he pulled them down with his teeth. You kicked them of when they reached your ankles. He pressed a soft kiss against your clit, making you shiver. He pressed kisses up and down your folds making you squirm. He held down your hips and went back to work. He licked a stripe up your folds causing you to breathily moan his name. His tongue delved into your folds and you screamed his name. His tongue started moving faster making the pleasure inside of you build. “Yes, Harry. Just like that. Shit!” you moaned. You buried your hands in his hair tugging slightly which made him moan sending vibrations to your clit. Your orgasm was building and you started to shake, you were so close to the edge but he pulled away. “Not yet, love. I want to feel your tight pussy clenching around my dick,” he whispered. His words sending jolts of pleasure straight to where you needed him the most. He removed his underwear and his dick sprang free. You got even wetter anticipating him inside of you.

He got back on top of you, and positioned himself at your entrance. He slowly pushed in and you both moaned at the immense pleasure you were receiving. He continued to gently push into you until he was in all the way. He pulled back out almost completely and pushed back in. You found a steady rhythm and he started to thrust into you faster each time. He started to pound into you, deep, hitting your g-spot each time. At this point you were screaming his name along with a string of curses. You didn’t care who heard you, it felt too good right now to care. He was slamming into you, both of you nearing your climaxes. “Fuck, (y/n)! You’re so tight!” he growled. His thrusts started getting sloppier indicating that he was close to the edge. “Shit, I’m close, love,” he huffed. “Me too,” you breathed. “Together,” he said and you nodded. He continued to thrust into you, pounding into your g-spot. “Now, love. You can let go,” he groaned. You both came hard screaming each other’s names. He pulled you close as you rode out your highs together. He rolled off of you as you both caught your breath.

When your heart rates returned back to get normal, he pulled you closer. He laughed and you gave him a confused look; “What’s so funny,” you ask. “I guess what they say is true-,” he said with a smile “-bad girls have all the fun.” You giggled and replied; “Yeah, especially with you.”

You fell asleep with your head on his chest listening to his steady heartbeat, feeling content.

A-Z NSFW: Yixing

Originally posted by squynhty

Cr.

Donate | Masterlist

A = Aftercare
Yixing is the most caring person in the world. Honestly he’s the best human that walks the Earth, don’t fight me on that. And he definitely will be the most loving and caring boyfriend/lover in EXO, if not in the entire human population. Yixing is certainly a guy that refuses to let you leave the bed until he knows you’re 100% okay. He’s not very rough in general, so hurting you isn’t a fear on his mind often, but he does want to make sure you’re happy and comfortable before he gets his dose of cuddles; either a quick shower if you feel up to moving or he’ll jump to get a warm rag because no one likes sweat and dry cum snuggles….


B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) 
Nothing fucked my day up more than reading an passage from his book, where he went to say things like he’s a good dancer, but not as good as Kai, a good singer but not as good as Luhan, handsome but not as handsome as Kris. It’s obvious no matter how brilliant he is, he’s literally the most perfect human alive, he’s still rather self conscious. He’d favor his abs, definitely. He rips his shirt off every chance he gets and on Go Fighting when he was woken up he literally went to the bathroom and stared in the mirror at them for a good 5 minutes…I’m sure he’s pretty proud of them. Being the sappy guy he is, of course he says your eyes are his favorite. He’s really lovey, what do you expect, honestly?

C = Cum
While he is the epitome of a gentleman, Xing’s still kind of hesitant and awkward around females. He’d have to finish in a condom in you or something, I feel like he’s such an angel that cumming all over you in semi degrading in his mind, insulting even. If the odd chance he does cum on you by accident, he’s flying off the bed to find something to clean you off. 


D = Dirty Secret (a dirty secret of theirs) 
I feel like Xing’ll have a lot of dirty secrets. Even though he loves you and he likes being honest with you, he doesn’t really like to be vocal about sex things. He respects you too much to actually bring any of it up, different positions and places he wants to have sex, he keep his lips sealed tight. But…you’ll just have to make him tell you, won’t you?

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)
See this is the thing, I can’t imagine Xing watching straight up porn. I remember him saying he does watch 19+ movies? Idk if any of you have watched those but I have and they’re….something…but certainly not on par with porn. I know he had a GF back in China, and wrote her songs and all that, he was definitely a loving boyfriend. He knows too much good stuff to put in his songs mym ??? boy…. and onE DOES NOT SIMPLY KNOW HOW TO MOVE THEIR HIPS LIKE THAT UNLESS THEYVE BEEN IN THAT GOOD PUS-anyways, I don’t think he’s a virgin….he definitely knows what he’s doing, he’s just too respectful to be a fuck boi like the rest of em XD


F = Favorite position

The way that boy gets down on the floor and humps boi busted his fuckin belt how tf that’s a straight up missionary guy. Xing really gets it going too….missionary sure as hell ain’t boring with his hips grinding away. He does fool around with the position, though. Prop your legs up over his shoulders or hook his arms behind your knees, the whole big thang, lord knows one simply does not get bored with xing’s dicc in ‘em.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

While Xing is kind of a meme, he’s adorkable in the best ways, when his shirts off and hips are moving, I’ve never seen the dude more serious. He’s damn determined to give the most for you; he’s in ‘character’ and he’s focused entirely on giving you both the most pleasure imaginable. 

H = Hair (How well groomed are they)
Lord knows I love his tummy and I have a weird obsession with his happy trail. I think he might wax every once in a while…I’ve seen him missing the hair from one armpit a few times……that’s weird…..anyways I don’t think he trims or stays bare much, probably one of the other boys forced him to go along to the ahem..’groomers’ or something.


I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)
This is Xing we’re talking about…they boy that wrote love songs for his childhood GF…..k but imagine baby xing writing little love songs, cute image, isn’t it? O-fucking-course Xing is tHE MOST romantic member in both your non-sexual relationship and your sexual one. He pampers you, and especially in the bedroom, he’s almost singing lyrics to you his sweet nothings are so sweet. He’s a stickler for that good ol ‘loving eye contact’ and holding your hands, bodies pressed entirely together while he confesses his love and admiration over and over again. 


J = Jack Off (Masturbation)

Listen…I know he’s a grown man….but I literally can’t see Xing jerking off? Like I feel like just the thought makes him flustered and he gets all awkward and has to think about all the rice cake he was force fed on Go Fighting! to chill back out again. He’d much rather be with you, so if the feeling arises, he stores it in the spank bank for later when he gets to be back in your arms.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)
Okay, okay. I do think Xing is an innocent little baby, but I know he’s not. You know the times he wears that like…silk fabric as a blindfold? He lowkey stole that and brought it back to keep for himself. He really likes the cool fabric feel against his skin and sometimes after a long long day, he likes to just lay back and hand you the fabric and let you have your own, uncontrolled, fun with him. 


L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)
Regardless on how he is in the bedroom, we all know Yixing is a good boy, he’s not going to take you somewhere there’s a risk of getting caught and/or in trouble, so he’s very firm in staying in the bedroom. But I really think he’d love bath sex, he likes water so much, the performances and all he wanted to do on Go Fighting! was go swimming, he’s a lil fishy. Bedroom and bath are really the only options to him.


M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

His songs are lowkey dirty, and if he’s got you, I imagine he’d be secretly writing songs about/for you all the time. I bet my leg he’s be writing his not so innocent lyrics and be thinking about you and then his mind wanders….and things grown….and he’d have to hunt you down…Yixing urned himself on just writing about you…sheesh he’s a weirdo…

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
Back to Location, he 100% will not do anything public. He’s not easily turned on when he’s out in the world anyways, so it’s kind of pointless to try.  Also anything by his neck? Not happening, he’ll have a melt down. I’d pay to see someone try to give him a hickie….


O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

God Xing is such a little shit….He has the most talented mouth I’ve seen….he’s just too much. He’s a very big pleaser, he almost gets off on just getting you off, he’s a pro and even better since he knows your body’s reactions so well. He almost doesn’t like you going down on him, but he’s one that won’t even propose the idea of you returning the favor and if you take initiative to do it, he’s down for the ride, but he’s not going to ask.  

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

How the floor isn’t pregnant after all this time, I have no idea. If his um…floor fun is anything to show, he’s kind of rough. With an actual person, I don’t think he’d be that wild, a bit slower that he portrays and way more loving and sensual. 

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)
I feel like Xing has a pretty tight hold on his lust and whatnot, so I think if there isn’t proper time to have regular sex, he can easily push it away to bring up later when you’ve got time for it. If they did happen, quickies would be extremely rare, to the point you can count how many times you’ve had them on one hand. He just doesn’t like the rushed feeling.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

[See Location and NO] Yixing’s pretty hesitant in trying new things with you, he doesn’t really want to do anything that sounds like it could hurt either of you so a lot of things he isn’t game to even try but if they sound harmless enough, like just a new position or something, he’s okay with trying that.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Yixing does the very most all the time, he gives 142% in every single thing he does. I don’t think he tires out easily, that’s why he can’t do quickies, I don’t think he cums fast…you’ll probably be at it for a good 10 minutes and that’s excluding the foreplay. But one round is usually all he will do. 

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Beyond a few things that doesn’t really count as toys really aka the silk fabric blindfold thing, Xing doesn’t delve into toys much. He’s pretty much a sex machine on his own, him bringing toys into the bedroom isn’t a very likely scenario, he doesn’t really like or see the need for them.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
Make no mistake, Xing is a little shit, Go Fighting! exposed his naughty side quite a bit lmao but after keeping his hormones in check, once he finally has his hands on you he can’t really hold himself back anymore. Teasing you is more so teasing himself and he don’t live for that life. Foreplay is a must, but teasing is right out the window.


V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)
Xing has the vocals of a god, don’t fight me on that. The boy has a good set of pipes but he’s more of a grunt/moan guy in the bedroom. No one’s going to hear him but you, he doesn’t like breathing on his neck but more often than not he’s got his head tucked against your neck and moaning and panting in your ear.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

We know Xing has his lil dance studio in China, and he 100% brings you with him on his trips back to his home country solely because of the place. Unless shiz is happening, no ones really in there and let’s just say sometimes he really likes the mirrors in the dance practice rooms…

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Okay we’ve literally seen his dick…like 100% Xing dick has been exposed.

b y e
Obviously it don’t really look like much but dicks are strange things, they grow like plants lmaoman i dead ass was watching this porn and it was like 30 mins long and dude had a lil thumb dick and i was like wtf is that and when he actually was hard the fucker was like 5 inch how tf that work either way, that whole motion in the ocean thing is legit, and we’ve seen his moves….itll be ok..

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Like I said, he’s lowkey a dirty guy but he keeps himself composed well. Xing has a pretty average sex drive, just slightly higher than usual but he keeps himself on a leash pretty well so it doesn’t show…but he’ll show you dont worry…

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
Xing is a pretty cuddly boyfriend/lover in my mind, especially sine you’re alone his PDA hold back has gone out the front door, he’s latched to your side. I think after pretty much having an intense work out, you both fall asleep pretty fast. Xing’s definitely down for the count immediately after you’re cleaned up.