in the name of satan

True Story. I promise this actually happened.


A co-worker of mine saw my new purse.


She has never seen Supernatural and has no idea what this symbol is. Here’s the conversation that followed.


Her: Why are you carrying that?

Me: Because I like it.

Her: Are you evil?

Me: Depends on who you ask.

Her: Are you in love with Satan?

Me: His name is Lucifer.

Her:…….


(This was a week ago and she hasn’t spoken to me since.)


Should I tell her? Lol

More Top Moments in Early American History

- James Madison “accidentally” buys prostitutes for foreign ambassadors

- Jefferson eating a tomato like an apple at a dinner and everyone rushing off to find a doctor because Americans thought tomatoes were poisonous

- Washington and Lafayette falling asleep under a tree after Monmouth

- Washington cursing out Charles Lee after his retreat

- James Armistead Lafayette, who was a badass spy during the revolution and gave Lafayette vital information which led to the victory at Yorktown. Lafayette freed him and James was so grateful he took Lafayette’s last name

- Lafayette being given an alligator as a gift and, not knowing what to do with it, regifting it to John Quincy Adams

- the Constitutional Convention going out and getting turnt two days before the signing of the Constitution, and some of the additional charges being a broken chair, cups, and chamber pots

- John Hancock being smol

- Alexander Hamilton’s argument against hanging John Andrè basically being “he’s too pretty”

- Aaron Burr sleeping through Valentine’s Day

- Lafayette naming his ONLY son after George Washington

- Ben Franklin and John Adams once having to share a room with one bed and falling asleep arguing whether or not they should sleep with the window open or closed

- Ben Franklin taking “air baths” which consisted of him sitting naked in a bathtub for hours a day

- Aaron Burr having a knife hidden in the handle of his umbrella, and then LOSING said umbrella

- John Adams’ kid Charles once ran naked across Harvard Yard

- Alexander Hamilton losing his check book and having to write the bank of New York for a new one, while also requesting his account balance which he didn’t know, which he wrote in the check book, which he lost

- Aaron Burr hitting his head on the same pipe twice jfc he’s such a mess

- Thomas Jefferson getting a terrible headache for two days after behaving awkwardly in front of a girl

- John Adams naming his dog Satan

- Alexander Hamilton’s letters to his totally hetero bro™ John Laurens being censored by his descendants

- George Washington running for the House of Burgesses and getting his constituents totally smashed so they would vote for him

How I see kpop groups and their traits

Exo: referred to as gods by the future generation; they could release an album full of high pitched screaming and still would make the best selling kpop album; china line who?; we are 1 what?; korean members with chinese stage names; don’t let the satan near you; yehet, kkaebsong; give Sehun lines

Bts: from nowhere to everywhere; hyperactive kids making good music; kids with mental health issues doing vanalism; they look at you - you faint;  shit down, beach - bitch?, ikskjuz miii; zoo; give Jin lines

Ikon: B.I, Bobby and friends; favoritism by yg; “the next bigbang”, but yg seems to forget about them so does the crowd; being hyped up then ending up disappointed; capable of doing good music but refuses to; give chanwoo lines

Got7: no mvs in the future just videos of them dabbing; b side tracks always better than the titles; acrobatics until their neck breaks; not so creative fandom name; bamx2 is big; jaCSon, hard carry by Monsta x

Winner: searching for them - error404: nowhere to be found; somewhere in the yg building; Taehyun had enough shit, wants his own band, searching for members through tumblr; capable of being unique, yg aint letting them; let them break out   

Day6: now 5live, nope, day8, members: sungjin, wonpil, dowoon, youngk, jae, chicken little, brian, younghyun; the one who has a stage name but seems like everyone is forgetting about it; dancing king; hashtag king; let dowoon sing

Astro: too much sugar in my eyes i can’t see; too pure for you; won’t ever do other than cute concepts;  michael jackson; giant maknae; voice cracks for life; new generation of flower boys

Seventeen: too many; pledis has a thing for girly boys; pledis’ only income; leg breaking choreos; adore u remakes as title tracks; no dark concepts in the future; sebeuntin; carrots, mounteen; slipping here and there; dino nugu aegi; thughao, 10:10; divaboo; noone looks like suga; jeongcheol, meanie; give china line lines

Vixx: concept kings but kinda ran out of concepts; oldschool kpop feel; from vixx ravi to solo ravi - full upgrade; one of the prettiest fandom names; endless leader bullying; serial killer; let the maknae line sing

Shinee: going strong since 2008; people seem to pay less attention to them; taemin upgraded; weird fashion taste - key; cola cola; don’t sleep on them

Infinite: dope intros - give you chills; old kpop sound, unique sound; scorpion dance, live singing + synchronized choreos; dinosaur who’s laugh can be heard without a mic; endless leader and maknae bullying; saved woollim; give sungyeol and sungjong lines

Monsta x: future strippers; stuck between hiphop and sexy concepts; wtf is going on here mvs, gay mvs; cringiest fandom name; weird noises by the rapper; damn daniel; how to learn hungarian by changkyun; abs, memes; ten years later: waiting for their first win; mosta x, moista x, monster x;  give hyungwon lines; 

Bigbang: legends; noone can dance, too lazy to dance; fashionistas; min hyorin; yg = bigbang

B.a.p: started to rise - shit happened - nobody cares about them anymore; getting killed or killing others in mvs; unappreciated dancers and rappers; high notes for life; actual meaningful lyrics

Block b: zico and the boys; biggest weirdos of them all; no friendship just business; give jaehyo lines

Nct: taeyong and the boys; pouring salt at the wounds; mess of a noise music; rotating as much that i can already see the tornado; dozens of units; horrible fashion; unnecessary ps; damn hoverboard skills; great vocals being hidden; johnny somehow managed to get out; let hansol free; give lines to everyone

Pentagon: putting them through an unnecessary scripted survival show to make people foget about some disbanded groups (4minute); sm and yg let some gems slip out from their hands, at least they are not in the dungeon; giants and dwarfs; ugly crying; lame jokes; ultrasound screams; nudity; wooyu; yutoda; give shinwon lines

Btob: being forgotten by cube; weird, extra; slowly turning into a ballad group; is minhyuk a rapper?; give peniel lines

Beast: what is happening with u cube? shit happened; new name - bea5t?;  lost their spirit after shit happned; great lives 

Suju: waiting for ot15; shit still happening; growing out of kpop; concepts don’t match their age; still waiting for kibum; don’t forget about zhoumi & henry; diaries of a married man; being succesful in the military

Nu’est: best debut song ever; had the most potential as a rookie group; pledis messed up; now they’re popular anywhere besides korea; getting worse and worse title songs; aesthetic mvs; creative fandom name; again pledis has a thing for girly boys

Ft Island: hongki and the others; awesome dope music (let’s not count puppy here); people don’t appreciate quality music anymore; this gem is lost in the ocean of cute, badass & hiphop concepts; pretty fandom name

Cnblue: another gem; better japanese releases; boring new songs because they have to fit into the kpop standard; yonghwa’s unique teeth; visuals; let the others sing

SF9: another group coming from a survival show; covering their seniors’ songs so they can’t even recognize them; thumbs up for the K.O choreography; don’t go with them to amusement parks; deep af voice maknae; park jimin 2.0; hwiyoung got them lines in roar

KNK: a bunch of idiots - literally; tall af; models af; old school kpop feels; if you hear someone laugh hysterically from afar it’s probably them; falling dramatically to the floor while doing so; choking sounds; don’t let them feed you; horlolololo; astro x knk; bullying sanha

2PM: definition of men; hella hot bodies; starting to be unknown; when was their latest first win?; manly concepts; awesome vocals; the rap is still meh; go crazy is a jam y’all; great actors

U-Kiss: so many member changes; lit songs, but not getting appreciation; don’t complain about your faves not getting 1st place like 2 months after debut - it took for them years; the first kpop fathers; they need a comeback soon

B1A4: great vocals again; don’t let them being forgotten; cnu just rocks the short hair admit it; baby i’m sorry is one of the best kpop songs; but great ballads as well

Teen top: they need to go back to their previous style; cap rocking them tattoos; hilariously funny group - watch their weekly idol; promoting as five now - anticipate their comeback

Wanna One: what even is this name; salty af that Jonghyun and Samuel are NOT in the 11; Never is still my jam; i’m not lookung forward for cute concepts; god 10 year age gap between the oldest and youngest member; still salty some trainess weren’t even in top 20 *cough* hwanwoong *cough* taehyun *cough* gunhee* *cough*; some great inventors (round clap, jeojang, etc.) and psychos and a lot more.

Everyone please note that i dont mean to offend neither the groups neither the fans. its just for fun and me being 100% sarcastic by these statements. i love and respect these groups with all my heart!
sorry, its a bit long.

Anime Protagonists Meeting
  • Lelouch Lamperouge: I have an unbelievably horrible father.
  • Edward Elric: Dude you have no idea.
  • Shinji Ikari: Shut up, Ed, you don't even have the worst father in your own series! My disappeared for years and then told me to get in this giant-
  • Eren Jaeger/Yeager/???: Get in the giant? Bitch, please!
  • Rin Okumura: You're all adorable.
We’ve fostered a LOT of cats over the years, so here’s an incomplete list of weird cats we’ve had:

1. An Abyssinian that would jump from the second story banister to land perfectly, and with utter grace, onto your shoulder when you enter our house on the first story (ok, but imagine a cat leaping onto you, it’s terrifying)

2. Satan (her real name is Cassandra) who will only sleep if she is completely under the covers and tucked in

3. Elena, a Kurilian Bobtail, that was so affectionate it bordered on harassment. She would climb your leg for you to pet her and follows people around the house

4. Osiris, a Chausie, that actually plays fetch. No joke. He also responds if you say his name, and has been on the news 6 times so far, in various different cities

5. Dolly, who we actually taught to roll over and sit on command for chicken tenders

6. The kitten that decided to travel down one of the heat vents in our home and my father had to take 3 feet of drywall out to retrieve him

7. One of the cats (still not sure which) managed to eat the insides of a full package of sausage rolls left on the counter but left the bread part totally intact

8. two years after re-homing Lemon the cat, we found her stash of tape dispensers under our living room couch. There were 26 tape dispensers

9. one of the cat’s we re-homed likes to go kayaking with his new human. He has a cat life vest and everything 

Since Damian has no middle name, his family comes up with random middle names for him so they can use his full name when yelling at him. Some gems: 


“Damian Satan Wayne, where the frick are my tap shoes?!" 

"Damian Batman Wayne the Great, I swear to god if you don’t let Two Face go right now I’ll make Alfred take away your ice cream privileges for a week!”

“Damian Beyonce Wayne get down here right now!" 

"Damian Sparkly Princess Wayne! Give me back my tator tots!" 

"Damian Jason-Is-The-Coolest Wayne, hold still so I can shoot you!" 


And my personal favorite: "Damian Proof-That-Bruce-Slept-With-Talia-Al-Ghul Wayne! Let Tim out of that cage right this instant!" 

anonymous asked:

Tell me some weird shit™ that the founding fathers did

FOUNDING FATHERS SPECIFIC:

• Alexander Hamilton spelled Pennsylvania wrong on the constitution.
• Benjamin Franklin wanted the national bird to be the Turkey.
• James Monroe, John Adams and Thomas Jefferson all died on July 4th- James Madison died seven days before July 4th.
• George Washington and Lafayette took a nap underneath a tree after The Battle of Monmouth.
• Two days before signing the Declaration of Independence all the delegates got super drunk.
• Benjamin Franklin basically was man whore in France.
• Benjamin Franklin wrote an essay on farting.
• Benjamin Franklin wasn’t allowed to write The Declaration of Independence because they thought he’d put a joke in it.
• Benjamin Franklin took “air baths” which involved sitting in a bathtub fully nude and writing.
• Benjamin Franklin purposely spelt Pennsylvania wrong on the US currency to defer from counterfeits.
• John Adams had a dog named Satan.
• Alexander Hamilton founded the New York Post coincidently he was involved in the first major political sex scandal
• While in England bromance Thomas Jefferson and John Adams visited Shakespeare’s house and vandalized a chair he used to sit in by chipping piece out of it.
• During the election of 1800 while bromance Thomas Jefferson and John Adams were broken up; Thomas Jefferson told everyone that John Adams was a hermaphrodite and John Adams countered telling everyone Thomas Jefferson was dead.
• Benjamin Franklin brought tofu to America.
• Thomas Jefferson brought Ice Cream and macaroni and cheese.
• Thomas Jefferson told Lewis and Clark to watch out for giant sloths.
• George Washington currently has $300,000 worth of overdue library books.
• George Washington didn’t know that Chinese people were white.
• During the battle of Germantown, George Washington found a lost dog and stopped everything just to return to dog safely to the British side.
• George Washington was deathly afraid of being burnt alive and asked in his will to be buried three days after his death.
• It’s actually Paul Revere on the Sam Adams.
• John Jay didn’t sign the Declaration of Independence, he is famed for framing it.
• Gouvernour Morris got a blockage in his dick and tried to cure it by sticking a piece of Whale Bone down his fucking penis hole. He got an infection and died.
• Thomas Jefferson having such bad social anxiety that he used to fake sick to get out of public interactions.
• Thomas Jefferson broke his wrist trying to inpress a girl.
• Benjamin Franklin volunteered in the fire department.
• Thomas Jefferson had about 7,000 books and when a Virginian Library burnt down he donated about 1,640 books to the library.
• George Washington was an amazing dancer.
• James Madison and Thomas Jefferson were once arrested for riding a horse carriage on a Sunday in Vermont. Which was illegal!
• Thomas Jefferson had a mockingbird named dick who ate from his mouth and shit.
• Alexander Hamilton’s son and his dying in the same spot just four years apart in the same way.
• Alexander Hamilton talking and talking after he was shot even thought he was fucking bleeding out.
• John Jay quitting politics and becoming a farmer.
• John Adams and Thomas Jefferson holding such a grudge against one another that Johnny didn’t even show up to his presidential inauguration.
• Thomas Jefferson only made two speeches during his presidencies. Both were his inauguration speeches.
• Lafayette giving John Quincy Adams a baby alligator as a gift.
• Andrew Jackson got kicked out of a funeral because his mocking bird kept saying fuck.
• James Madison “accidentally” shipping into US a ton of prostitutes. • Andrew Jackson beat the shit out of a guy trying to assassinate him with a cane.

• James Monroe and Alexander Hamilton almost getting into a duel which was stopped by Aaron Burr. • James Monroe served as both Treasury of secretary and Secretary of State.

(This list is getting too long- so I’ll stop there!)

Okay, so one of Sarah Shepard’s biggest fears is that her helmet comms hadn’t gone out over Alchera and that the rest of the crew had listened to her die. Her gasps for air as her suit depressurized, her struggles as she tried in vain to plug the leaks in the hoses, her little sounds of fear before it finally went quiet. I was just thinking of how the team would react to hearing that, and her receiver had been damaged, so they could hear her, but she couldn’t hear them.

Kaidan: Doesn’t understand what he’s hearing at first, he saw the pod in the cockpit deploy, she had have been on board. Fear and panic grips his chest when he finally understands. He tries calling to her, but there’s no answer, just her choking gasps for air, tears run down his face as he tries to comfort her, but she can’t hear him. He’s listening to his friend (or lover) die and there’s nothing he can do about it. He shouldn’t have left her, should have gone with her to get Joker, maybe then she would have made it. He calls her name into the silence a long time after the noises stop until he can’t bring himself to say it again.

Liara: Just sits in her seat and sobs, head down. She’s haunted by the sounds for weeks afterwards, can hear them when it’s quiet. She’s never listened to someone die before and it kills something inside of her to know that the first time she has, it was a friend.

Garrus: Grips the harness so hard his hands hurt, his jaw clenched so hard his mandibles ache. She’s his mentor, his guide, he’s learned more travelling with her than he ever did at C-Sec. He starts shaking in his seat, wanting to go to her, wanting to help her, but he can’t, all he can do is sit there until there’s empty air. Turian’s can’t cry, not really, but eventually there’s low mournful keening that doesn’t need translating.

Tali: Turns her modulator off so no one can hear her cry as she listens to her friend die, the one who helped her on her Pilgrimage, introduced her to so many wonderful things. Her hands press to her face plate, her shoulders shaking unmistakably and when she gets back to the Flotilla, she can’t sleep because of how loud it is.

Wrex: Doesn’t do anything, doesn’t move, just stares straight ahead. Eventually he starts rocking back and forth slightly. He’s heard people die, that wasn’t something new, but they had always been enemies, those trying to kill him, and it had always been quick. It was never a friend, a member of this strange krannt he had come to be in, and it was never by a slow suffocation.

and finally

Joker: Alliance finds his escape pod shortly after they find the others. He’s alone, curled up in his seat so hard he had broken bones. Wide eyed and not moving because he saw her die, he watched her as she was blown out into space. In his mind, it was his fault. He killed her, as surely as if he had held a gun to her head and pulled the trigger. He’s treated for shock and doesn’t speak for almost a solid month.

Ways Spirits Will Manipulate You

Originally posted by gameraboy


  • Disguising themselves. They may present in a way that makes you think of something or someone else! They may take the form of a different type of spirit, a deity, or even one of your family members! We’ll look at them and just assume they are what they look like. To avoid this: you can create a layer of your circle or ward that makes spirits present as they truly are.
  • Taking a different name. This is similar to faces, but with names! If you ask for a deity’s presence and someone shows up, they may just say, “Yeah, sure, I’ll be whoever you want me to be, just give me that wine.” Or they may claim a popular name (”I’m Satan. I’m Julius Caesar. I’m David Bowie!”) to try and either intimidate or make you idolize them. To avoid this: assume that if it sounds too good or big to be true, it probably is. Always ask spirits for confirmation, and have THEM say who they are without you handing them the name. Especially with deities, they should have no problem just saying their names; lesser spirits may try to avoid it.
  • Inflating your ego (or deflating.) You’re the chosen one. You’re a member of royalty in my realm, or could be if you do what I say. You have amazing potential and just need guidance from me. Alternatively, you’re incredibly weak. All the other spirit workers can do X. This is pointless for you unless you do what I say. They are capitalizing on your insecurities to make you feel dependent on them. To avoid this: know that you will never NEED a spirit to accomplish things. Know your strengths and weaknesses and understand they can all be improved without losing your agency.
  • Trying to seem necessary. I’m your spirit guide! I’m your guardian angel. I’m the only one who holds the key to X thing. In all likelihood, whatever service they’re providing can be accomplished with someone else, if the relationship is not working or is toxic. However, a spirit will make themselves seem indispensable, if it means they can keep reaping the benefits. To avoid this: make the conditions of any agreement very clear, and reserve your right to break a contract if you need.
  • Gaslighting. Sometimes spirits will just straight up lie. They may act “out of character” or show their true nature, but blame it on your imagination. They may say they “only lied to test you.” They’ll guilt trip you for thinking they might ever dare do the thing. They’ll find reasons to excuse their bad behavior instead of apologizing or, say, not behaving badly in the first place.To avoid this: know the ways people can verbally manipulate others (it is mostly the same with spirits and physical humans) and be vigilant. Call it out when you see it.