in the kitchen yo

I like assigning random identities to inanimate objects because cishets fucking hate it. Yo your couch is a lesbian. Your kitchen? Beautiful trans lady the entire room. Your desk chair is pan but isn’t out to your desk yet.

the fire down below [sasusakuobi]

@vesperlionheart because I love you and you love this verse.

ready for some more labyrinth!au y’all?


Sakura sighs as she dumps her satchel on the loveseat and throws the keys into a bowl. She pulls her tie from her hair, scrubbing fingers through the long strands and the fuzzy bits at the back of her neck. She sighs, shakes herself, and places her hair up in a ponytail once more.

“Sasuke!” she calls, toeing out of her shoes and socks. “Sasuke! You promised me dinner tonight!”

She pauses, frowning at the lack of response. Usually, he hops to attention when Sakura arrived.

They are best friends after all.

“Yo, Sasuke!” she yells, passing by the kitchen and living room into the small hall that leads to Sasuke’s bedroom.

Sakura smiles at the pictures she passes, those of Sasuke’s family and these of Sasuke and Sakura growing up together through the years. This is Sasuke’s first apartment and Sakura enjoys the homey feeling to it. It’s much different from the austere environment that surrounded him growing up.

She straightens a knocked over succulent, hurrying toward Sasuke’s door.

There is something like dread pooling and curling in her gut and she hates it. She stops, briefly, turning back and grabbing a fire poker. It’s made of solid iron, a section branching off into a sharp curve. It’s a poor substitute for an épée, but it will do in a pinch.

“Sasuke,” she says in a softer voice. “Sasuke,” she reiterates, pushing through his door.

He is seated at the edge of the bed, hands clutching his head. What concerns Sakura the most, however, is the distance in his gaze. It reminds her…

Well, it reminds her of a time she doesn’t wish to revisit.

“Sasuke,” Sakura says, kneeling in front of him and placing the poker to the side. She grabs his hands, pulling them away gently. He curls them around hers, squeezing slightly. “Sasuke, what’s wrong?”

“It’s a family thing,” Sasuke says.

“It was a ‘family thing’ last time,” Sakura says, fighting the urge to grit her teeth. “I don’t give a damn about Uchiha policy.”

Sasuke’s eyes flicker with some life as he snorts drily. “I know you don’t.”

Sakura sits in silence, waiting for him to speak. Finally, she prompts him, “What happened? You were fine when I texted you this morning.”

“I…I was called into a meeting with the elders today,” Sasuke says, voice cool and remote. It is the only way he will be able to finish speaking. “They told me…they told me that there is to be a sacrifice.”

“A sacrifice?” Sakura asks, eyebrows hiking high. She thinks of incense and fat lambs and the best calf led to the slaughter. “What the hell does that even mean?”

Sasuke’s lips tip up unwillingly, charmed as usual, by Sakura’s frank vernacular. It quickly falls to a scowl again. “It means…I’m the sacrifice.”

“What the fuck?” Sakura demands, eyes blazing.

“It’s…it’s some ancient supernatural thing. You know my family has dabbled in the shady. I just didn’t know how shady. They made a deal with a being that shouldn’t be crossed.”

“This has to be illegal,” Sakura whispers hotly, unfazed by his mention of the supernatural. They’d gotten themselves into plenty of scrapes as kids; some that couldn’t be explained by the normal means. “They…they don’t have the right to sell you! There are laws in place!”

“Ah, sweetling, these laws are even older,” a new voice rumbles.

Sakura whirls, bristling as she grabs the poker defensively. Before her stands a…well, she supposes it’s a man. He is tall and dressed gaudily, weighed down by flamboyant colors and heavy jewelry. His ears don’t seem quite human, stretched long beyond the norm. What Sakura is most interested in is his mask.

The mask is white and black, swirling around three cuts. Two seem to be for eyes and the other? Well, maybe he has an eye there too.

“This isn’t right!” Sakura says, standing as Sasuke’s sole defender against this…person. She briefly wonders where Itachi is, knowing he wouldn’t allow this to happen. He must not know. “You cannot own him!”

“I’ve already drawn up the contract,” the being says, sauntering forward. “Uchiha Sasuke is mine.”

There is a popping noise behind Sakura and she turns fearfully.

Sasuke is gone.

“What did you do?” Sakura screams, more animal than human at this point.

“I took what was mine to take,” the being replies with a high pitched giggle.

Sakura gets the feeling that he is putting on a performance. Though for who, it is anyone’s guess. “You think this is a game?” she asks. “You stole my best friend and it’s a fucking game to you?”

The being stops right before her and Sakura gets the feeling that he is smiling at her. “I sense you wish to make a deal of your own.”

Suddenly, a crystal ball is in his hand and he rolls it around lithely. Sakura is entranced. She can see Sasuke within the ball, distorted as it is. She rushes forward, hands brushing the being’s as she tries to get a closer look.

The being clears his throat. “I am Obito, the Goblin King. I am willing to make you a deal.”

Sakura nods, mournful as he pulls the ball away. “What kind of deal?”

“Your life for his,” Obito offers.

Sakura snorts. “Not quite.”

“W-what?” he asks, obviously flustered. No one rejects his deals.

“I said no. Look, Sasuke was given no choice in this and that’s what I want: a chance. Give me…give me a day to find Sasuke within your kingdom. If I find him, we both walk freely and unharmed back into our lives as they were without you in it. Everything goes back to the way it was. And the Uchiha clan cannot meddle in our lives; either of our lives.”

“And if you lose?” Obito inquires, voice silky and head cocked.

Sakura knows she has his attention. “If I lose, you keep us both.”

“Forever,” Obito says, strangely insistent.

“Forever,” Sakura agrees, tightening her hold on the poker.

“Forever is a long time,” Obito says and he sounds strangely sad. He offers her his hand. “I accept your terms.”

Sakura grins victoriously, grabbing his hand. “Then it’s a deal.”

Something, maybe an electrical current, runs up Sakura’s arm and sets her teeth on edge.

The world shifts around them and she is somewhere unfamiliar; alien.

“Your clock is ticking,” Obito tells her quietly before disappearing.

Sakura looks down at her hands, smile vicious as she takes in the fire poker still clasped in a white-knuckled hand. She redirects her gaze up, glaring at the wall before her.

“Don’t worry Sasuke; I’m coming.”

Kitchen time with Quinn Yo

In case y'all wanna make bread too here’s the recipe I used, it’s easy af

There’s no eggs, milk or butter or anything like that involved so like, I THINK vegans can eat it too idk y'all wild

You’ll need:

A sachet of yeast
4-5 cups of plain flour
3 tablespoons of sugar
2 tablespoons of oil (I used sunflower)
1 tablespoon of salt
A cup of warm water

SO

Pour some of the water into a bowl with the yeast, mix it a little, then add the sugar, salt, and oil

Pour some flour into that sucker, like 2 cups, add water if it gets too thick to stir at first

More flour now, and the rest of the water, you should be getting a nice thick dough
If you feel it needs extra flour or it’s too dry just add more, do what feels right to you

Now dump that lump on a floured surface and knead it like you need it

Punch the shit out of it like it’s your old highschool bully

Keep kneading and punching for a few minutes, get that dough smooth and elastic-y, you can do it, I believe in you

Now pop it in a greased tin, cover that and leave it alone for 45 minutes.

After that, uncover and punch the doughy bastard again, smack that gas right out of it

Don’t forget to preheat your oven a few minutes before uncovering and spanking yer dough!

You’ll be cooking this at 360°C/ Gas Mark 5 for another 40-45 minutes.

Take it out and tap its underside, if it’s sounding hollow then you’ve done it, my dude, well done!

Now let that sucker cool on a wire rack and get some sandwich makings ready :)

I hope you get a paper cut , on yo tongue , from a razor in a paper cup.

i hope every soda you drink already shaken up. i hope yo dreams dry like raisins in the bakin’ sun. i hope yo tittes all saggy in yo early 20s , i hope theres always snow in yo drive way , …..i hope you neva get off fridays and you work at a fridays thats always busy on fridays.. i hope you win the lottery and lose your ticket. i hope its Ben and Socrates poop all up in yo kitchen. i hope the zipper on yo jacket get STUCK and yo headphones SHORT , & yo charger DONT WORK  & you spill shit on your shirt. i hope yo tears dont hurt , & i can smile in yo face. cut my losses how delilah changed my locs to a fade.  i hope you happy .. I HOPE YOU HAPPY. i hope you ruined this shit for a reason..i hope you happy.

LIVING WITH LUKE

- “did you see that new band in town today”
- “whAt?!?-!?’&-8”
- morning breakfast consists of burnt or undercooked pancakes
- fuck that let’s just eat cereal instead
- “LUKE CLEAN UR UNDERWEAR”
- but you still do it
- make out on the kitchen counter yo
- you wear his flannels to sleep
- he always wears his snapbacks
- “why does everyone say i’m a giant”
- “ur just a tree boi”
-you always run out of hot water bc luke takes so long in showering
- bed is never made
- he grinds on you while you make food
- “i’ll give you a blowjob if you stop that”
- “luke can you reach the-”
- “where is my guitar pick”
- shower sex
- sex
-sex
-sex
- sex

the signs as youtubers' first videos

aries: pokemon theme song (smosh)

taurus: minecraft multiplayer fun (pewdiepie)

gemini: charles franklin marbles is a sad sad man (jennamarbles)

cancer: hello internet (danisnotonfire)

leo: raindrops (tyleroakley)

virgo: troyesivan18- tell me why (troyesivan)

libra: phil’s video blog- 27 march 2006 (amazingphil)

scorpio: 60 things in my bedroom (zoella)

sagittarius: my drunk kitchen ep.1: butter yo s*** (myharto)

capricon: a harry potter birthday!!! (connorfranta)

aquarius: how to make your own puppet (cutiepiemarzia)

pisces: amnesia: the dark descent | part 1 | a new beginning (markiplier)

via twitter)