in the absence of truth

Important Things to Remember about Van Hohenheim:

  • He was born as a slave and manipulated into being involved in the genocide of his own race, then forced to live with the burden of having an immortal body filled with the crying souls of the thousands of people who had died.
  • He devoted at least a couple of centuries conversing with over 500,000 souls, getting to know each and every one of them, befriending them, and cooperating with them.
  • Hohenheim did not leave his children alone. He left them in the (more than capable) hands of Trisha, where he knew they would be raised well. He trusted that Trisha would be able to explain his absence to Ed & Al without revealing the truth about his body. He couldn’t have anticipated her death, and as he was travelling the entire country he had no way of keeping in contact with Trisha to check that she and their sons were doing ok (this is assuming the Elrics didn’t have a telephone).
  • Hohenheim had difficulty interacting with people, even his own family. He would probably have a very hard time writing letters back home, or talking to Trisha on the phone. He more than likely thought it best to keep his distance 100% until he could return home for fear of ruining any of his relationships with his family.
  • Hohenheim was immortal and had already lived for hundreds of years. A year or two probably wouldn’t have seemed like a long time to somebody with such a huge lifespan. Hohenheim likely still pictured his sons as young children, even after 10 years of not seeing them.
  • When Hohenheim returned to Resembool he expected to be greeted by the love of his life and his two young boys standing at the doorway to his family home. Instead he found a pile of burnt rubble, Trisha’s grave, Edward’s automail, and Alphonse’s empty body.
  • He completely blamed himself for Ed and Al’s attempt at human transmutation and subsequent injuries. He understood that they were lonely, grieving children and in his eyes the fault was all down to him and - taboo or not - the brothers had not done anything wrong.
  • Despite being the most powerful character in the FMA universe, Hohenheim was a pacifist and did not fight or injure a single person in the whole series.
  • He always put everyone else before himself.
  • The things which made him happiest in the whole world were all to do with his children. Alphonse trusting him, Ed and Al helping him on the promised day, Ed calling him Dad for the first time, getting to shake Al’s hand after recovering his body… his whole life revolved around his sons as soon as he met up with them again. He was willing to sacrifice himself for Ed and Al’s sake.
  • He died happy because he was so proud of Ed and Al and he knew that they had made incredible friends who would look after them for the rest of their lives.
  • Without him everyone would be dead.
  • All he wanted was a normal life.
  • Van Hohenheim was not a bad person.
  • Van Hohenheim was not a bad father.

(Bonus):

  • He is romantically cheesy as hell
  • He wears glasses just so he looks slightly different to Father
  • He used to fly into an Ed-like rage whenever anyone called him unintelligent
  • The first thing he said to Alphonse after reuniting with him was, “My vintage armor!!”
  • One of the first things he said to Edward after reuniting with him was, “we have the same hairstyle”.
Your absence made a hole in my heart and as time passes, it keeps growing. Drinking makes the edges raw. Another’s arms makes it blister. Ignoring my feelings makes it desolate. I don’t know how to slow its progress, so for now I’ll just have to accept my heart as wild, weather-beaten, and windswept.
—  Me, 14.1.17, “Me and the Hipster”
Imagine if you will, as the album starts, that you’re way out in space looking at the earth and, though it’s impossible to “fall” through space, you start a free fall anyway in the direction of the bright blue marble. For the next 75 minutes you plummet toward the earth, losing more and more perspective on what an abstract and impermanent place our planet is, how predictably we step on the same rakes, slip on the same banana peels over and over again through the ages, quickly becoming more and more immersed in the very messy business of being a human – the dubious privilege of being here, the elusiveness of meaning, true love and its habitual absence, random euphoria and the inexplicable misery of others, truth and its more alluring counterfeits, the sophistication of answers that don’t make any sense, the barbarism of our appetites, lucky breaks and injustice, faith and ignorance, crippling, mind-numbing boredom, and the terror of it all ending too soon. Before you know it, you’ve delicately crash-landed and find yourself lying on your back looking up at the stars. If you’re lucky, with someone you love; even if just for a day, a year, a lifetime. Though just an hour has passed you have no recollection of what the earth looked like from the far-flung reaches of space, nor how simple it all seemed a matter of minutes ago.
—  Father John Misty on his new album Pure Comedy

If only I could
Clear my eyes
Then I might breathe once more
Then I might breathe again

Old sun and stars,
And oceans below me
Guide my strides over
Jagged shards, under foot

Old sun and stars,
And oceans below me
Guide my strides over
Jagged shards, under foot

To slash to the sound
How many sit on woe or peril?
How many walk on their own?

Into the truth
Let myself burn
Now it’s written
1000 shards

youtube

Isis - 1000 Shards

Behind the initials [DT] was a metaphor, a delirium tremens, a trembling unfurrowing of the mind’s ploughshare. The saint whose water can light lamps, the clairvoyant whose lapse in recall is the breath of God, the true paranoid for whom all is organized in spheres joyful or threatening about the central pulse of himself, the dreamer whose puns probe ancient foetid shafts and tunnels of truth all act in the same special relevance to the word, or whatever it is the word is there, buffering, to protect us from.
—  Thomas Pynchon, The Crying of Lot 49
Angst fic recs

all the diamonds you have here - 21k

Allies in Heaven, Comrades in Hell - 265k

And down the long and silent street -86k

And I’ll judge the cover by the book  - 73k

And So Far So Good - 11k

Butterfly Gun - 100k

come back when you can - 26k

Core ‘ngrato - 49k

The Dead of July - 117k

Dream Awake - 30k

Empty Skies - 134k

End of the World Tonight - 12k

Every Arrow That I Aim Is True - 24k

Fading - 202k

feel your presence (in your absence) - 25k

For a foreseen invocation - 32k

Give Me Truths - 110k

Gods & Monsters - 201k

Indestructible - 24k

Infinity in Always  - 22k

The King of Spades - 109k

like a bastard on the burning sea - 22k

like a timebomb ticking - 31k

Love Is A Rebellious Bird - 134k

loving him was red - 16k

No Bleeding Hearts - 12k

No One Does It Better - 49k

Rather this than live without you - 10k

take my hand (and my heart and soul)  - 45k

taking tips and getting stoned - 24k

tenderness flooded his voice - 12k

These Constant Stars - 31k

things have gotten closer to the sun - 49k

We The Fireworks - 103k

Wear It Like A Crown - 141k

Who Painted the Moon Black - 95k

Young & Beautiful - 227k