in some of them you can tell that i never sleep or exercise but this one is good

How Do I Write: “Realistic College AUs”

Too many-a-time have we admins read College AUs with high hopes and have been let down by the strange and inaccurate existence of lockers, eight classes per day schedules, and other such items that just make us cringe. It’s not anyone’s fault; the movie industry ruined the college scene for many of us. SO, we’re here to set some stuff straight so that you can sit down and write a “Realistic and Accurate College AU™!”

Disclaimer: This is explicitly for the American College Experience - if you’re international and in college, please feel free to add your own bullet points!

Classes

The majority of colleges run on an A/B schedule, where you’ll have certain classes on Monday/Wednesday/Friday, then your other classes on Tuesday/Thursday. Very rarely will somebody ever have a class on the weekend. For example, on Monday/Wednesday/Friday you might have three classes, then on Tuesday/Thursday you might only have two. (Note: Sometimes students try to put all their classes on one day and it’s a living hell. Would not advise. [a.k.a. Admin M is a dumbass.])

Each class is about two hours long if it meets twice a week or one hour long if it meets three times a week (unless it’s an 8-week class during the summer or winter, then it might be a little less than 3 hours). A full semester class normally runs for 16 weeks and usually counts for 3 or 4 credits (classes with labs might be more, PE or exercise type classes count for less). If a student has a job, it’s advised that they do not take more than 14 hours (or about 4 classes [a.k.a. Admin M is still a dumbass with a job and 7 classes]); for students without a job, the typical limit for classes is 16 hours a semester.

IN ADDITION, the classes themselves almost never occur just after one another and usually have a time gap of at least 15 minutes in between each - there may even be a five hour gap!

Really Cool Classes

One major thing that fanfiction gets wrong is college Freshman and Sophomores getting to take amazing classes. Unfortunately, for the first two years of school, you’re usually stuck taking General Education Requirement classes. Sometimes you get cool classes like Civil War History (History class credit) or Physical Anthropology (Cultural credit), but for the most part it’s classes like English Composition, Government, Foreign Language, and Sciences.

Even still, there are cool classes that you can get to count for your GE classes. Introduction to Psychology is always an adventure, along with Physical Geology (fun with rocks), Native Plants (fun with herbs), and Art History (fun with paintings). There’s also the Physical Education class credit that needs to be fulfilled, so there’s Jiu Jitsu, rock climbing, yoga, and swimming classes that apply for that.

Into your Junior and Senior year, you’ll begin to take classes that are more relevant to your major. If you’re a part of the school’s Honor’s program, then you might get classes like “Science Fiction Literature” or “Gender Studies in 18th Century Europe”.

Teachers

No teacher is going to make you write a college essay about why religion is dead (@“God’s Not Dead” film), but they can be bizarre. Teachers will tell you about their mental illness(es), how their kids are doing, and past students. The best storytellers are Psychology professors, Biology professors (especially the ex-ER workers), and Anthropology professors (so many stories about doing drugs in foreign countries). 

Your professors aren’t there to kill you!…but some are. There’s a chance that you’ll come across a teacher who just always seems like they’re having a bad day, but many have chosen to work at a university because they legitimately love to teach. Don’t make every single one of your characters’ professors like the Economics Teacher in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off!

Foreign Language Classes

Why does this get a separate section? Because foreign language classes are OTP first interaction gold. The main languages are Spanish, French, and German; however, colleges also offer languages like Japanese, American Sign Language, Russian, Urdu, Korean, Mandarin Chinese, and even Hebrew. It depends on where you live, but it’s not uncommon for students to practice their foreign language by going out and having a “No-English Date” (meaning that no English is spoken at all), or just talking sh*t about people in public.

Lockers

There aren’t lockers. Don’t think there are lockers. Who started the rumor that there are lockers. You have a backpack, your dorm room, and your pockets. There are no lockers. Also, for the record, lockers would be incredibly inconvenient since all your classes will most likely be in different buildings. No lockers. Cut that out.

Cars and Transportation

If you’re living on campus as a freshman or sophomore, you won’t be able to have a car!!! This is a common misconception, but many (if not all) colleges won’t let you park your car on property until you’re an upperclassman. It also costs money to keep your car on campus, which is why many students have bikes and skateboards to get around campus.

Many colleges have a bus system that goes around campus, around downtown, and even to larger bus stations where students can get a bus to take them close to their family’s homes. Sometimes if a college is large enough (and they value public transportation), there will be a train that stops near the school.

Dorms

Ah yes, good old Dormitories…and when I say “old,” I mean that literally.

Depending on the college you’re writing about, there is a possibility that the dorms are the worst thing you have ever tried to sleep in - they can be too hot, too cold, smell weird, have cracked ceilings, and just have to the general feeling of being OLD. However, depending on how your college is set up (dormitory-wise), you could be on a co-ed floor (two girls per room, two guys per room, two girls per room, etc.), a same-sex floor (all girls / all boys), in a suite (up to 6 people), etc. Honestly, there’s an amazing number of options, but keep in mind that people normally don’t get higher end rooms until their junior or senior year, so don’t place your characters in an apartment on campus in their freshman year!

The dorms themselves can be a bit crazy at times, but they’re honestly pretty calm during the weekdays. Come Friday afternoon, though….everyone is off the walls. The weekend has officially come, and that makes everything ten times better. There’s gonna be yelling, scheming, unicycling down the halls, and other things happening right outside your door. If you think you’re going to get a nap at any time after 1:00 p.m….then you thought WRONG. 

In addition, if you have any food at all, then expect that to be gone very quickly if people come in and out of your room often. Just. Totally gone.

PARTY!!!! (but not really, and here’s why…)

Not everyone goes to a party every night, but those who don’t party don’t just study. Did you study all the time when you weren’t working in high school? Nah, didn’t think so. It’s the same thing at college

For example: there may be a Miyazaki Movie Night Marathon happening in the triple down the hall, a Super Smash Bros. Brawl Tournament in the lounge, an excursion to the gym for a group workout session (which honestly just melts into a trip to get smoothies and sit on a patch of grass), a swing dance social event at the local church, a dorm competition to create the most festive themed door, and there’s never a lack of Student Life events giving our free stuff (mostly free food and shirts, but occasionally candy and gift cards) trying to encourage students to be social.

There’s also the shenanigans where somebody accidentally kicks a hole in the vending machine because it gave them a Diet Coke when they wanted Snapple, going out to the closest 24-hour Walmart at midnight, and the attempted group all-nighters that result in everybody nodding off simultaneously. 

TL;DR…

College is a great time and one of the best settings to practice your OTP’s interactions when you’re first getting to know them as characters, but you need to understand the setting you’re placing them in before you get started. So, do your research, understand college as a whole, and have fun but don’t get too caught up in the technicalities of University™. This is all about your characters; focus on them, let them lead the story, and your piece will be a complete and total success.

Good luck!

I'll protect you with everything I've got - Langst mini fic

Summary: Lance isn’t known for giving up easily so when he looks at his team and thinks he’s the most useless one, it’s no big surprise that he will do everything in his power to change that.

Even if it means he has to sacrifice himself for the greater good.

There are nights when Pidge’s headphones aren’t available for Lance. Sometimes it’s because they are uncharged, other times it’s because someone else is using them. Those are the nights when Lance has to make up for the lack of sound with something, so he usually ends up staring at the ceiling and thinking about his current situation.
Thing is, thinking is good, but thinking too much is dangerous.
It’s in one of those nights that Lance reaches the conclusion that he’s the most useless one in the team and nothing is able to take that idea out of his mind for days after. He sees Shiro talking with Allura about plans and strategies, Pidge and Hunk figuring out more and more about the mysterious alien technology, Keith training and becoming even better than he already is. And then there’s him, doing some unfunny jokes and failing at flirting.
A burden.
So that’s what makes Lance move from spending those nights staring at ceiling to spending them training with the castle robots. It’s hard at first, to trade his sleeping time for hours in various simulations, but he tells himself his improvement will be worth the effort. His improvement will pay for all the sleepless nights and for the pain of the injuries he collects.
He doesn’t talk to his team about it and convinces himself is because he wants to make a surprise for them and not because he doesn’t want to admit his uselessness. Maybe they were just waiting for him to realize so they could talk about replacing him with someone more qualified. Although space isn’t always the best thing, Lance doesn’t want to be replaced. He doesn’t want to go back and tell his family that he failed at something he was supposedly born to do. It’s better if the team doesn’t know.
But the universe doesn’t like Lance that much and after two weeks,Keith is the first one to find him
“Lance?”
It surprises Lance enough to make him let his right side open and of course the robot uses it to its advantage. Lance hits the ground three seconds later, a yelp escaping his lips.
“End training sequence.” He says and can’t help on how defeated his voice sounds. He looks up to see Keith staring at him, a confused look on his face. “Hm, hi Keith”
“You are…training?” Keith asks and Lance flinches at his voice tone. Keith speaks like he doesn’t believe in what he’s seeing.
Like he doesn’t believe Lance is doing something useful.
“Well…yeah"Lance says as his answer. He’s still on the ground, looking at Keith at an awkward angle. Stopping made the ache on his muscles finally surface and Lance wants to use every second he has on the floor to rest a little. “I couldn’t sleep”
“So you came here?” And there’s that voice tone again. Lance doesn’t quite know if hearing Keith talk like that makes him sad or angry.
“Yes.” Lance makes a movement to sit so he can look at Keith properly. His bayard has already deactivated, so he only puts it on his lap as he crosses his legs. “Is there a problem?”
They stare at each other for some seconds and Lance feels his shoulders getting tense. Keith occupies the position of most unpredictable person Lance has ever met and he never fails to honor that title. That said, Lance shouldn’t be so surprised when Keith manages to surprise him again.
After those few seconds of staring, a smile appears on Keith’s face.
A smile.
“Nah” Keith answers and the smile is still there. “It’s good to know I’m not the only one training a little bit more”
As soon as those words leave Keith’s mouth Lance feels a warm feeling going through his body and he knows it isn’t only because of the exercise he was doing a few moments earlier. Not that Lance is ever gong to admit that hearing those words from Keith made him feel good about himself. That secret was going with him to his grave.
“But don’t train too much” Keith continues and the smirk has left his face to make room for a more serious expression that looks a lot like the ones Shiro pulls when he’s explaining plans. Lance wonders if Keith heard those same words from Shiro some time. “You need your rest too”
“Afraid I’ll be sweeping the floor with your face in the near future?” Lance says but there’s no heat behind his words.
And Keith (Keith!!) chuckles.
“Terrified” The red paladin answers and the smile is back.“But for now” Keith walks to where Lance is sit and extends his hand. It’s a gesture Keith has never used with him and it’s kind of weird but Lance accepts the help anyway. “Let’s see what you are capable of”
Lance smiles at the invitation.
(They end up beating the levels 4 and 5 of the training program and this time Lance isn’t half dead when he tells Keith they make a good team)

For the next two weeks or so, everything is fine. The results of Lance’s extra training start showing and he gets a compliment from Shiro on his good work (Lance was ready to die from happiness) It’s a good feeling, to know he’s a good soldier.
Thing is, training with Keith is good, training against Keith is like asking to have his ass kicked. No matter how hard he tries to get better, Keith still wins. Every single time. And that’s not all. He sees Hunk’s aim getting better, the way he now manages to control his heavy gun like he was born to do it. (Maybe he was. Maybe all of them were born to be paladins. Not Lance, though. He wasn’t born for something that big.) He sees how Pidge can now come up with a plan in a matter of seconds, sees how Shiro uses a confident and firm voice tone to guide them through battle. Lance is good, of course he is. But not good enough. Never good enough.
All the useful things he has to offer can be covered. If he was gone, the team wouldn’t lose much. Long range fighter? They have Hunk to make up for it. Strategist? Pidge. The mood is bad and the team needs to cheer up? Both Shiro and Hunk can help. And then there’s Keith, who is better than Lance in every way possible so there is no need to elaborate things too much. The only things the team would lose for real if he wasn’t there would be his pathetic puns and pick up lines.
It’s only later that he realizes that actually no, those two aren’t the only unique things he has.
Thing is, Lance is tall, thin and has long arms and legs. He’s fast and he’s agile. His reaction time is on point. Sometimes, his body moves faster than his mind.
Lance is the perfect human shield.
The idea hits him like a slap to the face. Is that why Blue chose him? The more he thinks about it, the more sense it makes. He’s there to protect his team. To protect his family.
And that’s what he’s going to do, at all costs.

imagine surviving a zombie outbreak with jungkook.

Originally posted by donewithjeon

—obviously inspired by dead days.

  • the day they announced it a pandemic jungkook rushed home from school and waited for his parents to come home; they never did.
  • he’s among the first to realise if he wants help his best bet is to go out there and find it.
  • also he’s hopeless at rationing food, so he has to get moving soon.
  • having observed the undead from his window, jungkook knows he’ll have to kill to survive, and after seeing what they’re capable of he quickly comes to terms with that fact.
  • meaning his neighbour’s beagle somehow got out on day three, so on day four he drops his dad’s bowling ball from the balcony onto the head of the zombie that killed it.
  • and after his first kill spends the day dissociating and dry-heaving.
  • when over a week has passed he packs necessities and what little food he has left and straps on a few pieces of protective gear, left over from sports he’s played over the years, opting for maximum mobility.
  • those necessities include: all the wet wipes, antiperspirant, toothbrush, toothpaste, clean shirts, soap, first aid kit, his mother’s perfume.
  • jeon jungkook, nicest smelling boy in the entire zombie apocalypse.
  • because that’s how he clings to his humanity, to the remnants of civilisation: hygiene.
  • he’ll eat actual garbage but he’s gotta feel clean while doing it.
  • everyone’s got their Thing, and that’s his.
  • anyway after the chaos of that first week a deafening silence settles in the building you live in. so when you hear one of the doors to the stairwell open, you immediately rush to the peephole to see who’s stupid enough to venture into the stairwell.
  • of course it’s jungkook.
  • you go to the same school as jungkook, and while he may not know you, he has quite the reputation himself, as far as beating almost every sporting record he set his mind to goes, except archery.
  • when he passes by you call out to him through the door and the poor boy nearly shits himself. he’s still there though, when you open the door and tell him you know him from school.
  • you let him in and, much to your surprise, he seems to recognise you, he even gets your name right on the second try.
  • you’re in the same situation as him, all alone and beginning to lose hope that help would eventually come, you had even begun preparing to leave.
  • your dad had taken the bike to work that fateful morning one week ago and now you hold up his car-keys for jungkook to see, “can you drive?”
  • “i can try,” jungkook never got the chance to pass his test, but he’s your best bet, just as you’re his.
  • and that’s how you two end up more or less driving off into the sunset together, to survive another day.
  • “wait, was it you who dropped that bowling ball on mr. evans from 81b?”
  • you’re in charge of rations, because jungkook is not to be trusted around the food and he’s not too proud to admit it.
  • he deadass wants to go live in the mountains until all this has passed and you’re like ?? i’m not starving to death jeon forget it.
  • you constantly have to remind him he’s not bear grylls.
  • which isn’t easy because he’s somehow got eagle scout level survivor skills despite only having been camping like once when he was five.
  • and honES TL Y the legs on this boy, good luck keeping up with him it’d be quicker if he carried you everywhere.
  • on that note he carries you on his back whenever you’re tired or injured.
  • and he still finds time to be childish and playful. 
  • there’s a tree in your path? you bet he’s gonna fucking climb it. passing an abandoned playground? before you can blink he’s on the jungle gym like “look at me!!!!!!”
  • will insists he’s “scouting.”
  • and it’s the little things that keep you sane. jungkook wanted to be a singer and when he feels safe has a tendency to hum and sing to himself.
  • insists he needs less sleep than you so he always takes first watch, and when you can’t sleep you coax him into singing for you.
  • just kinda vocalises his way through the lyrics he doesn’t remember, because he has no way of looking them up. and also through the sexual lyrics because welp awkward.
  • eventually you know his entire repertoire and can even make requests.
  • he exercises to stay awake. like, you wake up in the middle of the night because you think you heard a zombie groan but it’s just jungkook doing sit-ups next to you.
  • senses you stirring and starts muttering “hundred and six, hundred and seven, hundred and-” but let’s be real he only did like, eleven.
  • also otherwise doing press-ups whenever he finds a flat, uncluttered surface. where’s jeon ?? probably on the ground around here somewhere like “ah, this is tiring.”
  • and you’re like “how?? why?? you’ve only had a can of tuna to eat in two days, where do you even get the energy??”
  • “gotta stay in shape if i’m gonna keep saving your clumsy ass.”
  • he’s so apprehensive of the other survivors you cross paths with some of them genuinely thought he was mute.
  • until they try to separate the two of you because jungkook is not fucking having that no way do you wanna wrestle or what
  • imagine you get to shower for the first time in a while and jungkook insists you go first because he’ll just use all the water, so you suggest you just shower together and make the best of what little water you have.
  • can’t look you in the eyes for a while after that because he’s seen you naked now and you smell nicer than you have in weeks.
  • imagine huddling for warmth, and cuddling for comfort.
  • or patching him up after another close call.
  • you have to be the responsible one, the decisive one, but in return jungkook will be your rock, your protector, steadfast and strong, never cracking under pressure, not even the weight of the world ending can faze him when he has you to worry about.
  • it doesn’t take long for him to realise that he could never leave you behind. he’ll carry you to the literal end of the world if he has to, doesn’t matter if it kills him; he’s not facing the apocalypse without you.
  • after almost losing you once, he confesses that the way he sees it he has no reason to carry on without you. he lives and survives to protect you.
  • never whines that he’s hungry or tired, because he knows you are too. he might complain that his clothes smell, or that he hasn’t washed in a while, but whenever you ask if he’s alright the answer is always going to be that he’s “okay if you are.”
Crash

@talortut​ asked:  Hi! I love your blog <3 If you’re still taking requests, I would love to see some sick/hurt/exhausted/whatever Lance with the line “You’re gonna crash" from the starters. :)

((Thank you for the prompt SOMEHOW THIS TURNED INTO A 2400K LANGST/ KLANCE FIC BUT LMAO))

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Tips for studying (with depression/anxiety)

Sometimes depression can make it really hard to get anything done.  Sometimes it’s hard to get out of bed.  Sometimes it’s hard to do anything but binge watch your favorite shows and eat junk food.  But if you’re enrolled in classes, sometimes there are just things you have to get done.  I have clinical depression and anxiety (I’ve been hospitalized for both a few times and I’ve been to therapists on and off for three years).  Something a lot of people don’t know is that procrastination and “laziness” are symptoms of being depressed and anxious (I didn’t know until I was discussing with a friend).  Here are some tips that I’ve found helpful in studying.

1.  Make to-do lists.  It doesn’t have to be a bullet journal, it could just be a notebook.  But I’ve found that laying everything that needs to get done out in a visual way helps me a lot.

2.  Do as much work as you can when you’re feeling motivated/good.  We can never tell when an episode is going to occur.  I never know when I’m going to become lazy and stay in bed.  No matter how many plans we make, it doesn’t work.  So I’ve found that by making the lists and distributing things when they need to get done, I can work ahead if I have extra time when I’m feeling super energized and focused.

3.  Have a study buddy.  Pair up with someone who will hold you accountable.  Me and my high school best friend are starting 100 days of productivity together tomorrow.  She doesn’t even go to school anymore, but just having someone who will hold me accountable for doing things will help me in the long run.

4.  Discuss things with your professors.  At my old school when I was really having problems, I emailed all my professors and met with them to let them know about my situation.  They let me come to office hours instead of talking in class for participation points.  It was really helpful and they were very understanding.  Of course, only do this if you’re comfortable disclosing your diagnosis and with your professors.

5.  Take advantage of your school’s programs.  I haven’t done this yet, but I plan to this coming semester.  Most schools have a counseling and psychological services, so if you’re feeling like you need to talk to someone, do it.  You’re paying for these services whether you use them or not.  Even if you don’t have a diagnosed mental illness, if you’re feeling overwhelmed or something happens, you can always talk to someone or go to a group meeting.

6.  If you like to exercise, do it.  Exercising gives you energy and it really does keep you in a better mood.

7.  Spend as much time in study areas on campus as possible.  I’ve found that I definitely get more work done when I’m on campus (I commute now).  Even in the dorm rooms, we get caught up on our phones or with tv.  When I’m out in a study environment (library, student center, lounge, etc.), I am less likely to get distracted or lay in bed with no motivation.  I do as much work as I can when I’m actually on campus.

8.  Drink and eat while you study.  Again, you want to keep your focus and keep your energy up, so drink water and eat an energizing snack (like fruit or a granola bar).

9.  Keep a planner or calendar.  Depression can mess with your memory and your perception of time, so it’s important to keep a planner or calendar that keeps you up to date with assignments.  I didn’t start until a few years ago, but it’s helped me a lot.  I can’t even remember the number of times when a professor said something like “Okay, your papers are due next class” and I was in total shock.

10.  Sleep!  Sleep for a set amount of time every day.  Even if you’re tired.  If you have extra time during the day, take an energy nap, but try not to over sleep or under sleep.  I know for me, I tend to stay up really late and then sleep all day.  DO NOT DO THIS.  Try to keep normal sleeping hours.  Oversleeping is just as bad because it takes up all your energy and just makes you tired.


That’s all I can think of for now.  I’m sure I’ll think of more and probably make a part two as this semester goes on!  Add your own if you have a good one.  :)

Almond Joy, Part 2 (Getting to Know each Other)

Summary: You take care of Bucky’s dog and find out who he really is

Word Count: 3705

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: cliffhanger!

A/N: Sorry it’s so long and so much goes on! If I had separed it into two parts, Bucky wouldn’t even be in the first part!

Previous Part ~ Next Part

You finished up the rest of your shopping. After buying dog food, a cheap toy, a leash and a dog bed for her, nearly $100 was spent on her. You hated spending money out of your budget but this was necessary. If you had a dog, you would wish someone would take good care of it.

When you got home, she began to jump up and down. You took the toy you purchased out of the bag, removed the price tag and threw the toy so she could run and catch it.

After going back and forth with the toy for a while, you headed to the kitchen and grabbed some spare paper bowls you had. You placed two on the ground near the dishwasher in hope that she wouldn’t come to close to other parts of the kitchen. It was awfully quiet in your apartment so you connected your phone to your speakers and played some music. As you began to clean around the kitchen, Almond lied down next to your couch and fell asleep within a few seconds.

You filled one of the bowls with dog food and the other with water. Almond was still asleep, so you headed to your room to change into something comfortable quickly.

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Interrogation as Torture

Interrogation is probably the scenario that comes to most Western people’s minds when torture is mentioned. The belief that torture can be used during interrogation is heavily ingrained in Western pop culture whether the story believes it ‘works’ or not.

I’m going to go over some of the most common misconceptions about what bringing torture to the interrogation table does and does not do.

Tell the Truth

‘Care must be exercised when making use of rebukes, invectives or torture as it will result in his telling falsehoods and making a fool of you.’ Japanese Kempeitai manual found in Burman 1943

The use of force often has the consequence that the person being interrogated under duress confesses falsely because he is afraid and as a consequence agrees to everything the interrogator wishes.’ Indonesian interrogation manual, East Timor, 1983

Intense pain is quite likely to produce false confessions concocted as a means of escaping from distress.’ CIA Kubark Counterintelligence Manual 1963

I can’t prove conclusively that in the history of the world torture has never ever once produced accurate information. Overwhelmingly often it does not. There are several reasons why.

Torture produces a lot of lies. Both people with information and people without information have a good reason to lie under torture. And they both do. The person with information does not want to give it up. The person without information needs to say something to make the torture stop.

Humans are bad at telling when someone is lying. When tested even people who think they’re good at spotting lies can’t do it consistently. It can be almost impossible to tell who is hiding something and who genuinely doesn’t know what’s going on. A person under torture might have already told the truth and started lying when the interrogator didn’t believe them. Which is exactly what happened to Shelia Cassidy when she was tortured in Chile in the 70s.

Pain and stress destroy the human memory. Experiments with willing volunteers have repeatedly shown that stress, pain and lack of sleep make it difficult for people to remember. A 2004 paper using US military survival school as the ‘high stress situation’ which simulated capture and interment as a POW (C A Morgan et al, International Journal of Law and Psychiatry 27, 265-279) found that between 51-68% of soldiers identified the wrong person as their interrogator. Interrogations had lasted four hours with the interrogator shouting at and manhandling the volunteers. The low stress group identified the wrong person 12-38% of the time.


Torture results in loss of public trust. Most police and intelligence investigations live or die on public support. People coming forward voluntarily with accurate information. People reporting on suspects. In the long term torture actively recruits for the opposing ‘side’. According to the IRA this is exactly what happened in Northern Ireland when the British used torture. It also happened in Aden and to a lesser extent Cyprus.

Torture in short produces more lies than truth and in such a mixture that it can be hard to tell which is which. Because of the pain it causes torture can make it impossible for victims who want to tell the truth to actually do so accurately. And because of the effect it has on communities it often makes it harder to gather accurate information through more reliable sources.

Accuracy in torture is so poor it is ‘in some cases less accurate than flipping a coin’. (No that isn’t exaggeration, that’s a quote from D Rejali who literally wrote the book)

The Ticking Bomb

The famous ‘ticking-bomb’ scenario is a fictional situation (it literally came from a novel, written by a suspected torturer) where a disaster (such as a bomb attack) is known to be approaching and in order to save innocent lives the characters need more intel fast.

So they start debating whether to use torture.

Depending on the story and the characters they sometimes do torture. Usually if they do it gives them information they then use to save lives.

There’s another problem, aside from the total lack of accuracy for information that comes from torture. Torture takes as long or longer than other interrogation techniques.

According to the CIA’s own records detainees were put through several days of sleep deprivation before interrogation. The Senate Torture Report (testimony from Ali Soufan) estimated that their torture techniques took 30 days.

According to British records and accounts from the IRA during the Troubles a single torture session by ‘walling’ (sleep deprivation, white noise and stress positions combined) could last between nine and forty three hours.

I’ve selected the following quotes to give an idea of the time frame for short tortures used in interrogation. Both are from Northern Ireland by Irish men detained by the British. Emphasis is mine.

‘One powerfully built RUC detective would keep me pinned in a position while the other one would hold my elbow then press back on my wrist. And that could last for an hour or possibly two hours. And it’s excruciatingly painful, to the extent that I remember after three or four days I would simply go unconscious-’ Tommy McKearney

When I was taken away from Girdwood to be interned, I thought I had been there for about eight days, but it was only three. I later realised I was only being allowed to sleep for ten minutes at a time.’ Joe Docherty

Interrogation always takes time. And that time is measured in days not minutes.

Sanitised Portrayals

‘NO useful information so far….He did vomit a couple of times during the water board with some beans and rice. It’s been 10 hours since he ate so this is surprising and disturbing.’ Senate Torture Report, from quoted emails SSCI 2014, 41-42

For me this is one of the most noticeable differences between torture in pop culture and torture in reality. Torture in films and books is always sanitised.

I don’t mean that it isn’t gory or isn’t gory ‘enough’. Blood seems to be a cinematic staple and seeing the hero beaten and bloodied in a dingy lit room has become standard in a certain sort of action story.

What I’m talking about are the body fluids and products we’re trained to think are less acceptable. Vomit. Urine. Mucus. Faeces.

I can think of several movies where a ‘good-guy’ gets beaten to a bloody pulp on screen. I can’t think of any where they piss themselves. But losing control of bladder and bowel function seem to be pretty common in real life. A lot of the eyewitness accounts I’ve read about systematic torture mention the smell of urine and shit.

Vomiting is something I don’t see mentioned as often in survivor accounts but I think it’s very likely to occur frequently because a lot of common methods of torture produce nausea.


The ‘Tough’ Interrogator

 

It may be only later, outside of that specific environment, that the torturer may question his or her behaviour, and begin to experience psychological damage resulting from involvement in torture and trauma. In these cases, the resulting psychological symptoms are very similar to those of victims, including anxiety, intrusive traumatic memories and impaired cognitive and social functioning.’ Psychologists Mark Costanzo and Ellen Gerrity.

Those techniques [CIA ‘enhanced interrogation’ techniques] are so harsh it’s emotionally distressing to the people who are administering them.’ Dr James Mitchell, psychologist involved in the CIA’s EIT program.

We are where we are- and we’re left popping our Prozac and taking our pills at night.’ Anonymous torturer quoted in Cruel Britannia

There’s a growing body of evidence that torture has a negative psychological effect on the torturer.

The evidence is for the most part anecdotal, based on patterns emerging across interviews. Torturers, funnily enough, don’t show up in droves for psychological studies. But there is a pattern. One of substance abuse, addiction, PTSD and suicide.

The cause of these symptoms in torturers is the same thing that causes trauma in people who witness horrific things. It is well known that seeing violent attacks on others can cause trauma in witnesses.

Humans are empathic creatures.

There is a measurable, automatic response in the brain to seeing others in pain. We can not control it and we can not stop it. Even when we are told that the other person is anaesthetized our brains still respond to their perceived pain.

This, combined with the destruction of normal social interaction and dehumanisation, appears in a very real sense to harm torturers.

If you’re planning to use torture as part of an interrogation scene it’s worth noting that some torturers do believe torture is a useful way to get information, despite the evidence. Some of them cling to the idea that they had to torture, that what they did was useful and saved lives. Some of them seem to overplay the value of torture in order to justify their own actions and jobs.

None of that makes them immune to the effect of torturing another human being.

Disclaimer

[Additional Sources-

‘Torture and Democracy’, Princeton, D Rejali (Only order this if you’ll be at home to pick it up, at over 850 pages it’s a monster)

‘Accuracy of eyewitness memory for person encountered during exposure to highly intense stress’, The International Journal of Law and Psychiatry C A Morgan, G Hazlett, A Doran, S Garrett, G Hoyt, P Thomas, M Baranoksi, S M Southwick, 2004 (This team have actually done a series on high stress situations and the effects on memory. Charles Morgan is the first author on this set of papers.)

‘Audacity to Believe’ Cleveland, S Cassidy

‘Why Torture Doesn’t Work: The Neuroscience of Interrogation.’ Harvard University Press, S O’Mara (Highly recommended, reasonably accessible for a layman)

‘Cruel Britannia: A Secret History of Torture.’ Portobello Books, I Cobain (Very good history, although the author doesn’t seem to understand many of the techniques he writes about)

‘What are you feeling? Using Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging to Assess the Modulation of Sensory and Affective Responses during Empathy for Pain’, PLoS ONE, C Lamm, H C Nusbaum, A N Meltzoff, J Decety 2007 (The experiments in this paper include brain scans of people seeing photos of a needle and a hand in various different positions, some of which would be painful. There wasn’t much change in brain response if the volunteers were told the hand couldn’t feel pain.)]

Run (Suga x Reader)

You just have a natural tendency to run away from your problems. Including your eon-long crush on Yoongi.

fluff + comedy, 2.6k words, yoongi/reader, college au


You vaguely register that Taehyung is asking you a question about some date he’s planning for his girlfriend, but you can’t be bothered to listen. There are more important and immediate issues at hand for you right now. “Yeah, sure,” you say distractedly, not even knowing what you’ve just agreed to. Yoongi’s just sent you a Tumblr post of cute animals and you’re too busy squealing over the adorableness and also the fact that oh my god Yoongi is texting me.

You’ve only been crushing on him for like two years. Maybe more. He’s also probably the only reason why you still try to remain relevant in the world instead of fully accepting the void with open arms.

“You’re not really paying attention to me, are you?”

You finally look up from your phone. Taehyung’s pouting at you over his own burger; the kid barged into your dorm twenty minutes ago with food and about a million questions. “Uh, sorta? Ish?” You give him a nervous smile. He sighs.

“Whatever, it’s okay. I’ll just ask someone else.”

“I don’t understand why you’re freaking out so much about this though,” you say, picking up your burger. “It’s not like it’s your first date with her anything; you guys have been dating for a few months. It doesn’t have to be all that perfect right?”

Taehyung regards you for a minute. “It’s my one year anniversary with her.”

Okay, so maybe you don’t do a very good job at staying relevant and connected to the social world. You stare at him in utter shock. “Wh-Uh, yeah. I know. O-Of course.”

Keep reading

|| The Chase ||

{summary: what happens when you punch a famous gymnastics coach in his face and nearly break his nose in the process?}

so i finally got around to watching [the bronze] and let me say lance tucker is a fucking asshole and i would love to punch him in the face before kissing that stupid smirk of his. his only redeeming quality is his good looks. this is something i wanted to write to thank my readers with ;w; i’m going to do my best to portray lance in the most canon light that i can lmao so wish me luck.

warnings: sexual innuendos and cursing

**please don’t plagiarize/repost this story. reblogs are fine.**

——

There was this really annoying guy who came almost every day to your gym to ‘work out.’

But you weren’t stupid. You knew that the man with the dark hair and teasing blue eyes did less working out and more of checking you out.

Sadly, there wasn’t much you could do about this prick since he did give your gym the business you needed.

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kidge headcanons

hi there nerds and peeps alike…. i haven’t been contributing enough to my fave voltron ship. i do have a few wip kidge fics but that’s all they are for the time being. works in progress so please take these headcanons meanwhile

  • pidge and keith are the ultimate discovery couple. 
  • like, we’ve all basically established that they are super into conspiracy theories and cryptids and aliens right??? well, ever since joining voltron, their outer space dreams have been more than fulfilled. aliens are real, what more could they ask for?? yeah, they’re fighting a war, and it’s super hard and mentally and physically draining, but there are countless alien worlds out there. and while they may not have the time to explore them all now, they definitely plan to in the future.
  • sleeping schedules are a nonexistent concept to them
    • something we’ve already established, yeah, but consider–  pidge staying up late, working on a project. keith walking in and telling her that it’s late. pidge retorting that he’s the one to talk– it’s not like he sleeps anyway. keith telling her that once she goes to sleep, he will go to sleep. pidge 100% taking up the challenge. “i’ll go to sleep when you do.” “no you.” “no you”
    • so it’s basically a contest of who can stay up the longest. great job keith you totally deviated from your purpose in the first place
    • so  they go round and round in a never ending circle until some outside force interrupts the cycle (ahem shiro), or one of them straight up passes out.
  • study sessions. oh man, study sessions
    • keith finding pidge in distress about the fact that, since they’re so far away from earth and fighting an evil alien overlord, their brains are slowly turning to mush. like, they’re gonna be pretty uneducated once they return to earth. yea, they’ll be physically very fit and strategically developed, as well as having gained very good teamwork skills, but what are they actually gonna do once they got back? 
    • plus, she kinda misses studying
    • queue days where she  and keith kinda. sit down with a menagerie of space snacks and teach each other stuff. pidge teaches keith about technology, a subject he can easily get into because she’s so dang enthusiastic about it.
    • keith discussing with pidge different combat strategies and getting her more familiar with piloting techniques that she couldn’t quite nail down while at the garrison
    • coran actually finds himself finding all the books he can about any subject he comes across and giving it to these two cause they really love learning together !!! it warms his heart to see these two earthlings so excited about knowledge.
  • keith and pidge slowly learning to trust each other with their feelings. to become the other’s rock and comfort in the time of need. to be a shoulder to cry on.
    • keith can’t ignore the times he sees pidge holed up in her room, pretending to be working on coding when she’s actually trying so hard to keep in her tears. she misses her family, and he knows that. he knows that all too well
    • eventually he gathers the courage to walk in and just. stand by her. let her acknowledge his presence or ignore him.
    • and after some time, she just. pulls him into a hug. and from there letting her feelings out to him gets easier and easier
    • as for keith, he doesn’t usually cry when his frustration and sadness builds up. he forces the feelings out through exercise, or by standing off by himself, waiting for it all to dissipate away.
    • pidge learns to recognize when he’s feeling terrible. and, like he did for her, she approaches him but says nothing, letting him decide if he wants to talk or not
    • they’re both so in tune to each other’s feelings. they’re the arms of voltron, they gotta get in each other’s heads. they know when the other is feeling really down. and they quickly learn exactly how to make the other feel better when that happens.
  • falling asleep on/ next to each other
    • whether it be reading a book, holding a study session, or watching movies pidge managed to find on her laptop, keith and pidge sometimes fall asleep next to each other.
    • sometimes pidge will totally be leaning all her weight on keith. her head’s slumped on his shoulder, her arm’s splayed across his knee, and she’s out cold. keith is trapped. he has no choice but to snooze in that position because pidge is a cat. once she falls asleep on you, there’s no getting up.
    • sometimes keith uses pidge as a pillow. she’ll be working on coding when he stumbles in, completely worn out from training. he’ll flop next to pidge, resting his head on her head/ shoulder. they’ll engage in small talk, but inevitably keith dozes off. he’s tired. and pidge silently suffers cause teenage guys are heavy. but, deep inside, she doesn’t mind. at all
    • pfffffft imagine how flustered they’d be once they woke up. the first few times their faces are brick red and they’re stammering like crazy.
  • imagine the day pidge and keith finally decide to admit their feelings to one another
    • of course, it’s gonna be awkward. they’re gonna be nervous. but i can kind of see pidge just going, “hey keith. i’m pretty sure i have a crush on you,” one day. this would probably be when she realizes that , with the way she and keith have been acting for so long, that it’s way past obvious they like each other. so it’s better to address it now than let the charade of “we’re just friends” continue.
    • keith would be caught off guard poor guy. but he wouldn’t be able to lie his way out of it either
    • so now they’ve admitted it. they like each other. time to act like they’re in a relationship then
  • queue the random hugs and kisses
    • not right away, though. after they’ve been officially together for a while. at some point, pidge gets into the habit of giving keith quick side hugs. she’ll high five him and embrace him in the hallway. when she’s super duper excited, she’ll crush the air out of him. when she’s sad and in need of snuggles, she’ll shuffle over to him and burrow underneath his arms, clinging to him in a hug.
    • keith is 100% on board with this. while he’s not the biggest hugger in the universe, he can’t deny that he absolutely loves being hugged by other people. a little sun of pure delight will flare up in his chest whenever pidge wraps her arms around him and squeezes tight. 
  • and what’s a kidge relationship without constant sass, inside jokes, and endless roasts??
    • “keith-i-love-borrowing-pidge’s-stuff-when-she’s-not-looking-kogane”
    • “pidge, i’m gonna have to confiscate your caffeine before. y’know. you die.”
    • pidge splaying her entire body on the couch in the lounge “finders keepers keith. looks like you’re out of luck.”
    • keith straight up picking her up and setting her to the side. “too bad you’re the size of a stuffed bear, pidge.”
too busy lying to myself (to see your color)

Sort of based on the prompt: You get an ‘impression’ of your soulmate when you turn 18 or something but all I got was a strong smell of bananas or an overwhelming feeling that Thatcher was a good prime minister or an image in my mind of a fucking unicorn.

In a world where you get an impression of your soulmate at a certain age, Trini tries to navigate life and what it means that she saw a pink pterodactyl flying through the sky for her impression.


AO3 - Link

Part 2

Trini grew up in a society where soulmates were a normal thing. Between the ages of 12 and 16 most people would get an impression of your soulmate. A moment where you would get a glimpse into who they were, into their life. Sometimes those impressions were a sound like a few notes of a song, other times it was a smell like the strong smell of bananas, sometimes it was an image like their face or a car and sometimes it was just a feeling like that Thatcher was a good prime minister and in rare cases it was a mixture out of everything.

Keep reading

Okay so I have this headcanon that the paladins are only able to communicate with their own lions, but all the lions can communicate with one another. This is totally normal because the only way to be able to communicate with the lions is if you’ve bonded with them and gained their trust (if you’ve read my non-food Hunk HCs you know where this is going).
Some of the paladins complain to Allura about having to explain what their lions have said to them because the ideas can be too complex for words, but Allura just says that Paladins have only ever been able to talk with their own lion, it’s impossible to communicate with another one.
It all starts with Hunk (my precious Hawaiian hunk). He earns Yellow’s complete trust by helping her with mechanical repairs. After seeing how much yellow trusts hunk and how good he is at mechanical repairs, the other lions start coming to Hunk for mechanical repairs and telling Yellow whats wrong with them. It starts out with minor things, like a loose screw or a dented panel, but slowly they all begin to trust him with bigger things. It isn’t odd for a lion to report to Yellow their damages so Yellow can tell Hunk. However there is still a layer of distrust. Only Yellow trusts Hunk enough to turn her off to do major repairs. Until one day in a really bad battle Red gets seriously damaged. Everyone is surprised when Red limps over to Hunk afterwards because she has always held back. But this time it is necessary. Hunk makes sure to ask Yellow to tell Red that he’ll have to turn her off to fix the damages. Red consents and all the lions watch as Hunk repairs her and powers her back up. When Red tells Yellow to give Hunk her thanks Hunk gasps in shock. He just heard her say thank you! All of a sudden he can hear all the lions talking to him! Allura is frozen in shock because it’s supposed to be impossible! Lance just says, it’s Hunk. If Hunk could defeat Zarkon with just his love and compassion he would. Hunk is totally blushing in the corner and slightly overwhelmed by all the lions thoughts spinning around his head because they feel so alien.
This leads to the other paladins making efforts to bond with the other lions.
Pidge is the next one to achieve it. I always wondered why pidge didn’t just invisibility to all the other lions but then I realized, the lions wouldn’t have trusted pidge to mess with their programming. Only Green would because 1. She can read pidge’s mind and 2. She’s curious by nature and loves experiments. The other lions are always very wary whenever they see pidge plus a piece of technology, and this wariness only grows every time they see an experiment gone wrong that results in pidge covered with soot and Green smoking. Finally after a while of seeing Pidge get better and better with the lions technology Blue finally caves and goes over to Green asking for some of the upgrades too. (Blue really likes showing off some of those upgrades are really cool) Pidge is ecstatic of course, but starts out with small things they know work so they don’t end up losing all of the lions trust. Next is Red, feeding off of the ‘rivalry’, aka Red/Keith is jealous and wants some cool gadgets too! Oddly enough, Yellow is the last one to go to Pidge because she feels as if she is betraying Hunk by having someone else work on her. After a conversation between Yellow, Green, and Hunk, they convince her that programming is very different from mechanics and while Hunk could probably do some coding upgrades, Pidge is the expert. Soon pidge starts doing more experimental things with the lions programming that are custom to each lion. Once again, it’s after a rough battle where one of pidge’s upgrades is the only reason they all got out of there alive that all the lions bond with Pidge. Pidge gasps at all the thoughts entering their head and because of this ability to communicate directly with lions Pidge is able to understand the base code of how Voltron works (something which was previously unknown). Also, now whenever pidge falls asleep in the hangar the lions will gather around them to protect them while they sleep (pidge definitely freaked out the first time they woke up to five gigantic lions staring at them, but now it’s where they prefer to sleep).
After Keith and Lance get together they can hear each other’s lions and it actually gives them the ability to mentally communicate with each other (Lance totally takes advantage of this and will think of dirty things just to see Keith blush).
Lance ends up bonding with all the lions first, something he will hold over Keith’s head forever. Once he learned that he could communicate with the other lions through blue he went and talked to them everyday. He asked them questions about themselves (something no one had thought to do, most people only thought of them as machines). He tells them about his family and earth, they tell him about how they were made and all the things they’ve seen. It’s a pretty smooth transition to Lance being able to hear all of them. He was just hanging out with the lions in the hangar one day asking them about some of the past paladins when all of a sudden they just respond directly to him. He almost doesn’t realize because he’s already so used to having Blue, Red, and Keith in his head. But then his mind is also filled with Hunk and Pidge trying to figure something out and he realizes that Yellow just spoke directly to him. He decides to gloat to Keith during a sparring match to try catch him off guard, Keith just punches him in the side saying, “I can hear all your thoughts you idiot, now stop leaving your side open.”
Keith feels awkward because he can’t befriend the lions like Lance can, he can’t fix any mechanic stuff like Hunk can, and he certainly can’t program like Pidge can. So he kinda just ignores it and trains. One day when talking with Shiro about it, because he hasn’t had any success either, Shiro suggest that keith try to train with the lions since he likes doing that so much. Keith decides to give it a shot and asks all the lions through Red if any of them want to train to prove their reaction time. He explains that with Red being the fastest it would be good practice to try work on speed and stuff. The lions are all hesitant at first, so Blue (who can already talk to Keith) volunteers to go first so the others can watch. Basically it starts out as a serious exercise but ends up devolving into a giant game of tag between Red and Blue. The other lions, realizing they won’t get hurt join in. Soon these giant games of tag become a fairly regular bonding exercise, with the paladins sitting inside their lions, but not steering, just focusing on seeing through their lions eyes. Keith and Red always start as it, but they are usually able to tag someone pretty quickly. One day they decide to switch it up and play a game of hide and seek. Keith finds Red and Blue first thanks to their bond, Yellow and Green hiding in the same spot, and finally manages to sneak up on Black, scaring her into a flashback of Shiros. Keith quickly uses his calming methods for Shiro on Black and is surprised when he hears her say thank you. All of a sudden every lions’ thoughts are flodding his head making sure Black is okay and “can you teach us that? Black has some of Shiro’s PTSD and knowing what to do when the paladins aren’t around would be helpful.” Keith teaches all the lions, and the connected paladins, different ways to calm people down and what do for a flashback vs sleepwalking vs a panic attack etc. This really helps because up until then none of the paladins had realized that parts of them were bleeding over into their Lions. Shiro is the last to bond. He’s trying so hard but he just can’t get them to trust him and Black won’t tell him why. The other paladins are getting concerned with how dejected Shiro looks after leaving the hangar and it only gets worse with each person who manages to bond with the Lions. The other paladins have to remember to speak out loud because shiro can’t hear their thoughts yet and it really impacts him. Finally they gather all the Lions up and talk with them. ‘what’s going on? Is it because he has a galra arm?’ The Lions are like, ‘umm no? Keith is half galra and we trust him’ (everyone’s kinda like oh yeah forgot about that, Keith may turn a bit purple at that) ‘so what is it??’ they ask, but for some reason the Lions seem to be really hesitant to answer? Like they’ve never seen their Lions like this? Finally Black answers, 'it’s because he doesn’t trust himself. I act on logic, not emotions, and logically Shiro is a good leader and worthy, however we can’t wholly trust someone who doesn’t trust himself and that makes our emotional bond weak.’ The paladins are all in shock because they knew shiro had some issues but they didn’t realize it was that bad. Initiate Operation: Make Space Dad Realize His Worth™ (yes Lance and pidge came up with it). At first shiro doesn’t get why the paladins keep complimenting him and telling him how much they appreciate him, but each night he goes to bed feeling a bit lighter. Lance comes up with the idea of having a space family therapy night because coming from a huge family he knows that it was always easier to deal with personal issues once you acknowledged them and told others so they could help/encourage you. Allura and Coran agree to join. They have it in the common room, Lance organizes everything and just asks that people come in their PJs (yes actual PJs Keith, don’t you dare come in you’re regular clothes, oh my quiznak just use some of mine!) When everyone walks in the room is transformed. There are mattresses and blankets and pillows on the ground. There’s tissues and comfort food within arm’s reach. Everyone sits down and the paladins leave their minds open so the Lions can hear and participate in the conversation. Lance goes first talking about how he’s homesick and how he fears he isn’t good enough and that will result in the others dying because he was just a cargo pilot after all. (Keith sends him a mental kiss and then hugs him) Pidge talks about their fear if never seeing their family again and how they feel like they’re wasting their time doing voltron stuff and then feels guilty about that because they know how important voltron is. Allura talks about how she misses her father and how she’s repeatedly woken up in a cold sweat thinking she killed everyone by flying them into the sun. Coran talks about how he is filled with regret for not trying harder to save more Alteans. He feels like he could have at least saved one more person but he was so focused on getting allura and the black Lion out of there he didn’t even try. He tells the story of landing the castle know everyone he loved was dead. Keith talks about how he’s scared about how he feels so much love for everyone in this room because he’s lost everyone he loves and he doesn’t want to lose them. Finally everyone turns to shiro. He hesitates to unload his worries on then because they all have their own problems, but thankfully with a bit of nudging from Black he opens up. About the flashbacks, the nightmares, the amnesia, the insomnia, and the PTSD. How he’s barely holding it together for the team because he knows they need him to be strong and fearless and how he just feels like he isn’t good enough. -Hunk goes last (so shiro doesn’t dwell on his own confession.) He talks about how he’s scared he’s never gonna go home, that the universe will always need voltron, and that the only way he’s gonna leave is by dying. They have a big groups hug and talk about how they can help each other and what works best for themselves. After they make a cuddle puddle with shiro in the middle and all it takes is him thinking, I can do right by these people, and all of a sudden all the paladins gasp. They can Feel and See and Hear everything. Their lions, each other, the castle, the universe around them. It takes almost 20 minutes for it to stop being painful and reach a bearable level but all of them realize we can do this. We can defeat Zarkon because we managed to take the most powerful weapon in the universe and make it even stronger. (Eventually allura and Coran bond with the Lions because they are sick and tired of the paladins thinking they told allura/Coran something but all they did was think it. )

Secrets || BTS RapMonster

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Mafia

Word Count : 2,111

Originally posted by baebsaes

Anyone who met Namjoon would tell you he was an angel sent from above and you thought the same. He was always kind and caring toward you. Whenever you two went out, he would put a protective arm around your waist and would glare at any male that looked at you. You felt loved and Namjoon was basically everything you ever wanted in a boyfriend. Around 2 years after you two started dating, you were sure that Namjoon was the one that you wanted to marry. Apparently, Namjoon thought the same because on your 2nd anniversary day, he took you to a fancy restaurant and proposed to you. Of course, you said yes with no hesitation. You were certain that Namjoon made you the happiest than any other man. For months, you, your mother, and his mother had been organizing the whole wedding. You had your wedding dress and Namjoon had his tux. The venue was reserved and everything was complete. There was just 3 more weeks until the wedding and you couldn’t wait. You could barely sit still due to the excitement. There was too much energy buzzing in you. You decided to put that energy to some use and clean around the house. The house hasn’t been cleaned in forever.

After a few hours, you were done cleaning. The apartment wasn’t every big and it wasn’t every dirty either. You looked around and noticed that there was one room that you have never stepped foot in because it was Namjoon’s office and he ordered you to never step in there. You always thought a person’s privacy should be respected, so you never went in the room. However, you two were getting married soon, so shouldn’t the wife be able to invade a little bit of her husband’s privacy? It was for a good reason anyway. You wanted to clean it up. It was a great reason since Namjoon wasn’t a very neat person.

You turned the knob on the door and luckily for you, it was unlocked. You began with wiping the floors and dusting off wherever there was dust. As you were wiping the floor, you bumped into the desk and a file filled with papers spilled onto the floor. You quickly picked them all up, but noticed that the papers were quite odd. It was filed with profiles and candid photos of people. There was even a few papers stating orders for weapons like guns. As you looked through the papers some more, you noticed that the ‘KILL’ was stamped onto some photos.

You were so focused on the papers that you didn’t hear Namjoon entering the house. When Namjoon opened the front door, he saw the door to his office open and immediately dashed to his office. He slammed the door open to see you holding one of his very important files. He grabbed the papers from you hands and threw them into a desk drawer.

“I thought I told you to never step foot into this room.”

His voice was stern and cold. When you looked into his eyes, they were filled with anger. You immediately shrunk a little.

“I just wanted to clean the apartment up a little.”

“You can NEVER, and I mean never, come in here ever again. You are invading my privacy.”

“But we’re going to be married in a few weeks. Don’t you think I should be able to know a bit about what you do for a living?”

“You don’t need to know. All you need to know is that you are safe with me.”

He looked at you with a soften gaze, but it didn’t melt away your curiosity.

“Kim Namjoon, you know everything about me, but I feel like I know so little about you. Why are you keeping me out?”

“I’m not. All you need to know is the simple information.”

“Fine, but tell me why you ordered guns and why there are pictures of strangers with the word ‘kill’ written over them.”

“(Y/N), you are pushing the limits.”

You knew if you continued this conversation, it was going to end bad, but you continued anyway.

“What limits? I’m about to be your wife, Namjoon. I’m not a stranger.”

Namjoon exhaled deeply indicating that he was frustrated and wanted this topic to be over already.

“I don’t want you knowing yet, but I’ll tell when the time is right. Now can we please just drop this topic?”

You weren’t exactly 100% happy with the answer, but decided that to drop it. You had an idea of it anyway. Namjoon was in the mafia.

Namjoon lead you out of the room and you two went out for dinner. You forced yourself to forget about the files and the suspicious behavior Namjoon was showing. You were about to get married and you were happy, right?

When you got home, the both of you showered together and one thing led to another. Let’s just say the both of you had to take a 2nd shower. Namjoon helped blow-dry your hair and the two of you went to sleep, however, you couldn’t sleep. You just laid there looking at Namjoon’s face. You studied his features and admired the way he looked so peaceful while sleeping. It was like there was nothing but happiness in his world. You tried to sleep, but the files and pictures kept interrupting. Finally, after hours of thought, you got up from the bed. You grabbed a duffel bag and stuffed some clothes for a few weeks into the bag. You needed some time to think things over. You felt scared to be near Namjoon. Was he trying to kill you? Does he even actually love you?

You wrote a quick note telling him that you just need some time to think things over and to not panic and look for you. You knew he wasn’t going to listen, but you tried anyway. You went outside and there was a cab waiting for you. The driver drove you to the address you gave him. It was one of best friend’s home. Namjoon didn’t know her and you thought it would be safe with her. When you rung the bell to here apartment, she immediately opened the door. You had texted her before you left. She let you in and you collapsed onto the couch

“Why did you suddenly run away?”

“Ugh, don’t even ask.”

She looked at you with a raised eyebrow.

“You are 3 weeks away from getting married and you run away. That wedding better still happen. I spent major money on my maid of honor dress.”

“I don’t know if I want to get married to Namjoon. It’s like he still doesn’t trust me.”

“Is this about the room?”

You turned to her as she sat down on the couch next to you.

“It’s more than just the room. It’s a matter of trust. I want him to be able to talk to me about his work. Everyday he comes home tired and frustrated. Sometimes he comes home with bruises and injuries and he just says, ‘Don’t worry about it’. How can I not be worried?”

“Do you have any idea of what his work is? Or do you still think Namjoon is involved in some illegal mafia or gang?”

You had suspected your fiancé was involved in the mafia even before the engagement, but you didn’t want to ask him. Now that you saw those files, you were 99% sure that he was, but there’s that 1% where you don’t want to believe yourself.

“I don’t want to believe it.”

“Well, if he is, then do you really think he won’t send people to find you?”

“He probably will find me, but that gives me time to think this through.”

“Well, I just wanted you to know-”

“That you’ll be there for me no matter what? Don’t be so cliché.”

She looked at me with her lips pursed and cocked her head to the side.

“That, but also. My dress is fabulous and I need to show it off to some single men to get me boyfriend jealous, so make sure you don’t cancel this wedding.”

“Are you and Yongguk still fighting over what happened in Japan?”

“Well, it’s not my fault he went to that strip club without me! I need to make sure he gets a good show. It’s not cheap.”

“I can’t believe you two. It’s like he sleeps with some stripper and you’re okay with it and then you sleep with another dude and he’s okay with it.”

“We are in an open relationship.”

You shook your head and (Y/B/F) shrugged. She and her boyfriend was the most open relationship you had ever seen. It didn’t affect them that one slept with another as long as the other knows.

“Well, I need to go and wash up. I was up researching about that patient’s surgery I told you about.”

“Hey, I left a bath bomb here last time. Let’s share a bath.”

“YOU LEFT A BATH BOMB IN HERE? Why haven’t I found it yet?”

“It’s legit on the shelf on top of the toilet.”

“That’s where the condoms are and Yongguk and I haven’t been fucking so I don’t reach up there.”

“Let’s just go and take that bath.”

Around 2 weeks have passed and Namjoon has still not found you. You had a feeling that he knew where you were, but just didn’t confront you. Every time you went to work, you felt a car or someone following you, but whenever you turned around, there was no one. There was now only 6 days left until the wedding and Namjoon still hasn’t came to get you. You began to think that he didn’t want to come get you. What if he never wanted to marry you? Questions started to flood your mind.

There was 3 days left until the wedding and no one has knocked on the door to see you. Other than the jajangmyeon and pizza delivery. You were a mess. It was a Thursday afternoon and you were spending the 2 week vacation you got from work eating ice cream and catching up on dramas. You were supposed to be spending this vacation with Namjoon at home, cuddling on the couch and staying in bed all day doing nothing at all. But here you are, in (Y/B/F)’s apartment wearing a tank top with sweats eating a whole tub of ice cream while watching dramas by yourself.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go home? I love you and all, but for real, that wedding dress is not going to fit if you keep stuffing your face with ice cream.”

“I worked out.”

“Walking to the bathroom is not exercising.”

“I actually worked out.”

“Walking down 2 streets to get more junk food is not exercising either.”

“I went to the gym.”

“Running for 5 minutes and then using the sauna there isn’t going to help.”

“I went swimming.”

“Sitting on the steps of the pool is not swimming.”

“Fine, I’ll lay off the junk food.”

“Good.”

“After 2 more tubs of ice cream.”

Before you could even reach the fridge, (Y/B/F) threw herself on the front of the fridge with her arms hugging it and one leg pushing you away.

“Oh come on.”

“No.”

You walked back to the couch and the moment you sat down, the doorbell rang. Your ran to the door so fast that you almost slipped over your own feet. You slammed open the door and saw a very tired Namjoon standing in the doorway with a tub of your favorite ice cream and a bag of your favorite snacks.

“Come back?”

“Only if you tell me everything.”

He paused for a second before letting out a sigh.

“Fine.”

“The truth.”

“Deal. Now please. Come back. I had to push the wedding back a whole week because of you.”

You threw yourself at him and Namjoon wrapped his arms around you. His head fell onto your shoulder and he breathed in your scent. You were on your toes since he was so tall and just to fit the moment, (Y/B/F) walked over to you two and took the food that was in Namjoon’s hands.

“I will be taking these since your lovely fiancé stole all of mine. And by the way, please take her home. I’ll drop off her things later. AND be sure that wedding is happening because I need to make Yongguk jealous with that fabulous dress I bought.”

Namjoon laughed and threw (Y/B/F) a smile.

“I will. Thanks. Now, (Y/N), let’s go home.”

Alive (Bellamy Blake x Reader)

Requested by: Anon

Request: Can you do a request where the reader is Kane’s daughter, but they have a bad relationship and she’s a total badass. When she gets sent to the ground, she constantly puts Bellamy in his place, and she’s kind of a leader. Eventually they become friends, and it leads to mooreeeeee!

A/N: I don’t kow why this became that long and it came out with a smut, but I hope you like it. Thank you for your request, I enjoyed writing this. :D

Warnings: Smut and swearing.

____

Originally posted by darlinglostcrank

Your name: submit What is this?

Alive (Bellamy Blake x Reader)

“Really, dad? First of all you put me in the jail and now you’re sending me to death?” You ask to your father angrily. They can’t do it. They can’t kill you all. What the fuck they know about that fucked up place?

“Y/N, sweetie, you know why I did what I did. You know that…”

“Yeah, dad, I know. I KNOW THAT I FUCKING HATE YOU!” You scream to him before try run away of the cell. But one guard catch you before you did. “FIRST YOU KILL MY MOM, AND NOW YOU’LL GONNA KILL ME?”

Kane just look at you. You don’t used to be so rebel before your mom accident, but now, it was like you didn’t care about anything, and the true are you really don’t. They arrested you with Jasper and Monty and the only thing your dad said to you in that day was: “I don’t recognize you anymore, belive me this is for the best.” The best for who, dad?

“Y/N, just listen to me…”

“NO! I DON’T WANT TO FUCK LISTEN YOU! YOU JUST WANT TO SEND ME AWAY SO I’LL NOT BE YOUR PROBLEM ANYMORE! I HATE YOU! I FUCKING HATE YOU!” You scream more louder, trying to let go of the guard arms. Your eyes full of hate never let your fathers face, so you see when he nodded to someone behind you, before you feel a little pain in your neck. The last thing you saw was your dad walking away from you.

____

You can’t stand this anymore, you just go out of the camp and start walk. The crowd celebrating the “liberation” just make you want go and hit this idiot Blake in the face. Instead of it, you hit a tree.

“What the tree did to you, beautiful?” You hear Bellamy voice followed by a laugh.

“Go float yourself, Blake!” You yeal at him, starting to walk again.

“Uhu hu… The princess look angry today. Maybe I can help you with that…” He says following you.

“Yeah, actually you can: kill yourself and it’ll make me feel really better.”

“Hey! I’m just trying to help!”

“Yeah, sure you are.”

He grab your wrist pulling you close. You immediately try to make him let go of your wrist, but he didn’t. You was already tired of this sick control that Bellamy wanted to exercise over the camp.

“What the hell, Blake?”

“I’ll help you to get this out.” He say calm, looking at you. “And then we’ll come back to the camp and get some food.”

“You know this is called a dictatorship, do not you?” You ask him with sarcasm. “Whatever the hell we want or whatever the hell you want, Blake?”

“You’ll discover it.”

And you did. He broke your wistband, but you didn’t let he go with the victory. You did what you wanted more: you hit him straigh on the eye.

____

After the first attack of the grounders, you insisted that everyone have to learn to protect themselves. Bellamy, for his side, insisted that everyone have to build a wall around the camp. So the camp was divided: half of the kids are helping with the wall and the other half are learning with you. This was the first time you was gratefull for your dad teached you how to fight.

But the fact is that you were not made for it. This place suffocates you, the dagger you carry terrifies you, and the cries you hear all the time torment you. You do not understand why things are happening this way, why they are attacking you. It does not make sense to you and all you want is for the screams to stop, why you can’t hear them anymore.

Sometimes you wonder why you’re here. You hate this place. You hate everything that you see. You hate Bellamy Blake even more. You’re tired of telling how many discussions you two have entered, how many missions you has been and how much blood has been shed. You remember the blood. You remember the traces of blood, remember the terrified screams, remember the cries and despair. You remember everything and you just wish you could forget.

Sometimes you wonder if you’ll ever forget it.

You take the glass that Jasper extended to you, and when you looked up at the other side of the fire, you met Bellamy’s gaze. You do not remember when you last slept in peace, when was the last time the red was not staining your hands even in your nightmares. You don’t even remember when it was the last time you had peace.

You only wake up when everyone has gone to sleep, is still a little dizzy because of the moonshine and the sudden movement only makes the sensation worse.

“I catched you.” You hear his voice while someone grab your waist.

“What are you doing, Blake?” Your voice came out more tired that angry.

“Helping you.”

“Yeah, I heard it before…”

He just smile at you and help you walk to your tent, putting you into bed.

“Here we are…” He start, sitting next to you. “Why you drank so much?” He ask you and you don’t know if it was the moonshine, but you aswer him.

“I just want to forget all this shit.”

“It won’t help, Y/N. But if we lead together, maybe we could do better.” He say looking at you. “What do you think?”

“I think I drank too much…” You say and he only smile at you.

___

“Y/N! Your dad want to talk to you!” Monty came to you.

“But I don’t wanna talk to him.” You say giving him your back and walking away.

Now he want to see you? Hear you? Well, now you don’t. You’ll never want this anymore. You could be dead because of him in the same way he made your mom be floated. You start hit a tree just stoping when someone grab you.

“Why everytime I see you, you are hitting something?” Bellamy ask you. “Your dad…”

“To hell my dad, Bell!”

“Hey, Y/N… What’s wrong?” He ask holding your face.

“He send me here to get kill, Bell. What the fuck he have to say me?”

“You only will know that if you’ll talk to him.”

‘Well, I’m not going”.

___

You are avoinding you dad since you arrived here. It’s about a week now. The only good think about being here on Camp Jaha is the drink. You are seat alone when Bellamy joined you.

“You’ll not get drunk again, don’t even think about it, Y/N.” He say to you.

“My dad ask you to babysitting me?” You ask sarcastic, looking at him.

“No he didn’t. I’m saying that because you are my friend and I care about you.”

“If you do, take me to another place, please.”

___

After Finn’s death, you are feeling strange. Like in the firsts day on the ground, but with something more. You are feeling empty. And that scared you, so you walk to Bellamy’s room and when he opened the door, you kissed him without a word. He don’t deny the kiss, instead of it, he kiss you back.

“What is it, Y/N?”

“I want to feel alive again.” You kiss him again, taking off his shirt. He was pressing you against the wall, your legs around his waist.

Bellamy murmured something, spreading his legs so you could get even closer to his groin. You can feel the extent of his arousal against your belly tug at your body and bring your hips in response, letting out a groan.

He is handsome, and you knew he was experienced, so you closed your eyes when you felt his fingers pulling off your clothes. He just stopped kissing you to admire the body uncovered. Then he laid his mouth with yours again, this time the kiss became more urgent, almost violent.

You held him by the hair. The feeling of being with him was so delicious. You needed him right now! The touch of the male fingers from your legs to the panties made you gasp. When he found what he was looking for, he slid his fingers through the thin fabric, making you gasp again.

“Should I stop?” He ask you.

“No.”

You heard the noise of the zipper and felt the heat rise. When he put you on the bed you took your body against his, leaving you even more impatient. You buried your fingers in his hair as you held his tongue in the delicious kiss. Then, with a single movement, he placed his hands on your hips and positioned himself to end that awful wait.

It was like being surrounded by a flame. Bellamy closed his eyes with a groan as he felt his body shudder in a surge of pleasure. Opening his eyes again, his gaze moved to your breasts. He put a hand on your back so you could arch your body over and give him free access.

You’ve always pushed back the thoughts of kissing him from your head because you never thought that that would actually happen. Abandoning your breasts, he sought your mouth again, ravenous. You never felt as alive as you feel right now. Your body moves rhythmically. He lifts his head to admire you and you held his gaze. His fingers molded your hips and you circled him completely.

“Enjoying, princess?” He murmured as he felt his first tremors of ecstasy.

“Yes.” You groan.

He penetrated you harder, leaving you in full abandon and making you moan his name several times. Then he let himself be with you in the pleasure of the moment.

Your head are now resting on his chest, with you hair spread over both of you.

“This was…” He start holding you head to make you look at him. “Amazing. I knew it, when I first saw you, that it would be incredible, but this? This was better then anything.”

“When you first saw me, you hate me, Blake.” You say smiling to him.

“No, I didn’t, I just didn’t wanted to admite my feelins.” He say, his eyes never letting yours. “I don’t want put any pressure against you, but if someday you want that we be more then friends, I’ll be here.”

“Good, because I alredy want.” You say, kissing him again.

This is not a success story

As I’m sitting in a coffee shop right now, somewhere downtown Detroit, with a coffee to my right, a salad on its way to me, and a sweaty CrossFit session behind me this morning, let me share my candid thoughts with you.

Weight loss is hard. I actually forgot that little fact a few weeks back when I called my sister to declare I had re-signed up for My Firtness Pal; it had been two days and I saw my weight drop, and I remember thinking this will be easy.

It is not. 

I had been in Detroit for just over a month, and with the exception of mentally thinking about trying to lose weight, I had put no actual conscious effort into doing so. It was the usual: just wishing and hoping and obsessing, but not actually changing any of my habits.  Sure, I had signed up for CrossFit, but to say I was “half-assing” it would have been over stating it.

The mental toll of watching my weight increase was exhausting.  I had told myself when I arrived in this new city I’d have a fresh start to my weight loss voyage, but a month had passed and that wasn’t the case.  Then at some ungodly hour one morning, I wrote a very honest letter to myself; there’s something about writing that sets things in stone for me.  I can tell myself something 302 times, but if I don’t commit those thoughts to written words, I’m almost guaranteed to forget them the next morning.  I won’t go into the details of the letter, but I woke up the next morning ready to officially commit to something I so desperately wanted.

That was just over a month ago, and I have been amazed at how that letter somehow switched a light on from within. 

Exercise:

Since then I have been to CrossFit four or times each week. It’s been humbling getting back into it.  A 35lb bar is all I can handle right now. I’m the slowest by far in all the workouts, and the majority of the movements I have to modify.  

I am fortunate that a lot of the movements and my techniques from doing CrossFit in Melbourne were like riding a bike. And my new Coach here is exceptional.  This CrossFit focusses on quality over quantity (often the area where CrossFit gets a lot of criticism) and I am definitely thankful for that (I never really found a CrossFit I liked in Toronto because I thought all the coaches didn’t focus on technique).

If you follow along on my Snapchat you’ll already know this, but I’ve even been getting my ass up for the 6am or 7am CrossFit sessions. Last week I made it to FIVE early morning sessions and got a glimpse into life as if I was a morning person.  I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it got sooooo much easier each day, and I had significantly better days when I did exercise in the morning. 

I live in perpetual muscle pain these days, but it’s a good happy pain; one I missed. 

Food

As we all know, you can’t out exercise a bad diet, and thus on that fateful letter-writing night, I decided to focus on calorie counting. Calories in, must be less than calories out.  I set my goal to “1 pound a week loss” which landed me at 1,800 calories a day.  Also making this the most generous number of calories I’ve ever aimed to hit.  (In my younger stupider days I’d always aim for 1200/1300 a day).  

I bought a little kitchen scale and hit the ground running. I measured and tracked everything. E.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.  From the oil on my roasted veggies in the evenings, to milk in my coffee, everything was added to the My Fitness Pal app. I quickly got into the routine of it too, I became more conscious of labels in stores, and more aware of how quickly calories can add up.

One thing I didn’t expect from calorie counting, but am absolutely over the moon about, is how it released me from mentally beating myself up throughout the day.  I learned from counting calories that I wasn’t eating that badly before, but mentally I thought I was.  

If I ate a Turkey Tom Jimmy John’s sandwich (for Canadian friends, it’s like Subway but more delicious) for lunch (because it was free at the Lunch n’ Learn at work, let’s say) I would be so angry at myself the rest of the day, and think I completely (pardon my french) fucked up my diet that day, which in turn would lead to negative thoughts and not caring about dinner that evening, or worse, trying to hardly eat anything for dinner. 

From counting calories I saw that having that Jimmy John’s sandwich for 520 calories was a lot, true, however also completely manageable and normal and I could still easily end my day without going over my allowed calorie intake.  A huge amount of mental stress has been lifted from counting calories, and I saw very blatantly how negative I had been previously to myself for no reason at all.

I counted the tomatoes and broccoli and cauliflower and onions and asparagus too, and quickly saw how my current weight is where it’s at in large part because of healthy food. Portions! Portions! Portions! And my portions of healthy food were huge. With the oil on my roasted veggies (carrots / sprouts / asparagus / onions / etc) and half a sweet potato sprinkled with some feta cheese and a breast of chicken on the side, my dinner could and would get to around 600 calories. Yikes. And this makes sense. As I don’t eat McDonalds or candy or go through tubs of ice-cream. I am over weight because of portions. HEALTHY portions. 

Weight

This post is not a post about my success.  

Over the past four weeks my weight has been up and down and up and down and overall  I have stayed the same. It’s incredibly frustrating. I am trying really hard. I also have a smart scale which shows no Fat % loss, which busts the muscle weighs more than fat theory. 

My jeans, however, are fitting looser, but I also feel like they need a wash…  I tried on a dress yesterday which didn’t fit before Christmas, and said dress? Still does not fit.  I believe I only went over my calorie intake once, and yet here I sit, seeing no results. 

So Why

I made a Snapchat story a few days back on how frustrated I am, and a few of you kind people wrote back: 

Don’t count calories, look at macros
You’re now in your 30s. This is life. 
Eat the majority of calories in the morning
Eat more. Are you adding calories for CrossFit?
Do the Whole 30; it works
You have to wait longer. At least six weeks
8 hours of sleep, more water. 

Looking at the above list there is certainly room for improvement. I don’t pay attention to macros, I do eat the majority of my calories in the evening (although I really think a calorie is a calorie to your body, no matter when you eat it), I do not add my CrossFit calories to MFP (It would be about 600 extra calories a day! Which I think is nutty), and I could definitely drink more water.   I also side-eye Whole 30, as I don’t want a “diet,” but more of a lifestyle change; truthfully, I’m also nervous of binging on a “diet.”

I am working at being better at all of the above. Except, of course, I can’t reduce my age.  I remember people telling me it would get harder, but like with everything else (skin and cancer and terrible things) it won’t happen to me. I think it has.  

But. 

But I am not going to give up, because regardless of the number between my toes each morning, working out and eating better has helped my mental state a lot.  I am more confident, putting effort into dressing better each morning, and not beating myself up any more. 

So yes. There that all is. I’m keeping my fingers and toes crossed there’ll be some scale or fat percentage loss movement. Stay tuned! 

Team Bonding Exercises CH 1 (Adrialyanette NSFW)

[Ao3 Link]

The low, pulsing beat coming from one of the nearby houses hammered in time with Alya’s heart as her cab pulled away, leaving her alone on the sidewalk as the sun set behind her. She could have easily had it drop her on Adrien and Marinette’s doorstep, but Alya needed a few moments to herself, if only to quiet the anxious anticipation that had been churning inside her all week.

Each echoing clack of her heels on the sidewalk brought her closer to her destination. She took her time, checking her reflection in the darkened window of one of Adrien’s neighbors to make sure the ride over hadn’t wrinkled her dress or mussed her hair too badly. Her reflection regarded her with a scrutinizing glare, eyes sweeping over the black dress that hugged every curve of her body and ended a few inches above the hem of her lacy black stockings. Her hands smoothed her dress anxiously, offering her reflection a resolute nod before continuing on down the street, eyes focused on the familiar red door a few doors down.

You can still turn back, a little voice in the back of her mind whispered. Things are never going to be the same if you step foot through that door.

Alya knew this as she kept walking down the sidewalk. She knew this as she was sitting in the cab on the way over. She knew this as she meticulously primped and fussed over her wardrobe in the hours before they were to meet at Chez Agreste. Whatever relationship she with her partners was going to change, for better or worse, the moment she stepped through their front door.

She wasn’t foolish enough to think she could sleep with her partners, and have nothing change.

Keep reading

Extreme Measures

Anon Requested:  I’m a little confused, are drabble requests open? If they are can I get a Yoongi one with #73 and #99 please? Sorry if requests are closed

Drabbles are currently open :) (I know you sent this a while ago but the requests were open then too ) I tried this in First Person POV instead of Second for once so I hope you like this! Feel free to give me criticism :) Good, Bad, Any criticism is good criticism! 


Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Warnings: Insecurities, weight problems, body issues, self hate, depression, slight mentioning of an eating disorder

Word Count: 1770

“Show me what’s behind your back.”

“I can’t stand seeing you like this.”


There’s nothing tragically beautiful about depression, the fools who believe it is haven’t truly had depression in their lives. It’s not sad songs and poetry, shy glances or drowning in the bath. It’s not ghostly white skin tainted by charcoal circles under sad eyes and large purple bruises stretching viciously up your arms. It isn’t lonely walks, vacant coffee shops or smoking dusty cigarettes.

Depression is unwashed clothes and flaking skin. It’s over eating and the inability to even get out of bed and then hating yourself for eating too much and not doing anything that day. It’s giving up on yourself and not taking pride in your appearance anymore because when you feel like this who do you really have to impress? You don’t care about relationships, you don’t care if you’re late to work or end up getting kicked out of school. You just don’t care anymore. Its empty inboxes, bursts of anger and late night tears. It’s a feeling of disgust within yourself that makes you want to tear off your own skin just so you can feel clean because you feel like you’re the lowest and filthiest piece of scum there is in the world. Its uncertainty and confusion. It's losing weight, long showers and greasy hair or even gaining weight, not showering and feeling awful. It’s trying to starve yourself to lose the weight and the only way to stop yourself from eating is to sleep. It’s constantly wishing you could be somewhere or someone else. It's losing the will to even live.

Depression is not tragically beautiful, it’s just tragic.

Sometimes I feel like there is something eating me up from the inside, as if my conscience is telling me I’m not good enough. It’s probably right, I’m not good enough for myself let alone my boyfriend, but I try and be the girlfriend he deserves, the one who isn’t too heavy, the one who has a flat stomach and toned legs and the one that every guy wants to be with. Every day I plaster my face with makeup, wear loose clothes and fake a smile; but some days I can’t take it anymore. I miss dinner one day and then again and again and after one fateful day of passing out at work and Yoongi having to come get me I realized there were other ways to do this. Better ways than starving myself.

I’ve tried it all, I’ve tried working out and I didn’t see the results after a month so I gave up on that. I’ve tried starving myself and well…we all know how that turned out. I even tried making myself throw up, disgusting I know but I ended up cutting that out when Yoongi had to force me to the doctors because he assumed I had a bun in the oven. I had to just tell the doctor I had food poisoning just so he wouldn’t get suspicious.

But now here we are! My latest and most fulfilling way to lose weight, pills. Some pills work wonders if you have enough money for it, thankfully my family has always been on the wealthier side so I’ve always had enough to get me by and then some.

The pills were never a problem for me, within two weeks I shed fifteen pounds just like that, no exercising necessary and no more throwing up. It was just hard to take the pills whenever Yoongi was home, this is the longest break he’s had since he finished tour and of course he wants to spend time with me, I’m not making that out to be a bad thing but the pills are what’s most important.

I end up having to sneak away for a few minutes just to go to the bathroom to take the pills. I take them three times a day and thirty minutes before I eat, though the only thing I ever eat is maybe half a banana and if I’m feeling a tad bit more snackish maybe a cup of ramen.

Closing the bathroom door quietly I opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out the cylinder shaped pill bottle labeled ‘ibuprofen’ I had it mislabeled so just in case Yoongi finds it and looks up the actual pill name he doesn’t freak out. The cap came off easily and I easily took two pills out. 6 pills a day. That’s not really a lot if you think about it, besides, there are people that are addicted to painkillers and all I’m doing is taking pills to lose weight, weight that I feel like I don’t need. That’s perfectly normal, that’s-

“What are you doing?”

Shooting my head up to stare at the mirror I saw Yoongi, his eyes were on my hands and I instantly turned to him, pills in hands and pill bottle still on the counter, my hands were behind my back but I knew he could see the pill bottle in the mirror. “Show me what’s behind your back.”

“It’s nothing.” A smile appeared on my face, I was usually pretty good at lying, lying to Yoongi was a lot harder for me though, I always regretted lying to him about if I was fine or not but some things just didn’t need to be brought to his attention, he had enough stress on his plate my weight problems didn’t need to be one of them.

Yoongi didn’t fall for my smile, he instantly took a step closer and I took a step back, but only to find me pushing myself against the sink counter. His eyes narrowed and his hand gripped my arm yanking me towards him. A small yelp left my lips from the sudden physicality but my hands still stayed behind my back, hands squeezing tighter so he wouldn’t see the pills. “(Y/N). Show me.” He growled, his voice growing deeper as his eyes stared into my eyes with something I’ve never seen before. All I could do was shake my head at him refusing to show him the pills. I couldn’t, it’d break him inside. (Y/N)-”

“No!” I cried, tears soon filling up my eyes before I let them fall with a blink. “I-I can’t. Just go out of the bathroom and pretend you didn’t see anything then everything will be fine.”

Yoongi looked at me incredulously, his eyes slightly widening from my outburst but the seriousness came back almost instantly. “Just show me what’s behind your back.” His eyes flickered to the mirror again and saw the pill bottle, with a light and simple shove I was pushed to the side and Yoongi grabbed the opened bottle and grasped it in his hands. His eyes scanned the label and before I could even react he dumped the whole bottle in the toilet and flushed them down.

I stood on the brink of something I couldn’t describe. The weight of everything seemed to press down on my shoulders and I struggled to take even a single step forward. It was too much. All of it. And somehow, I kept moving. But every step cost me. The darkness grew darker; the pain grew sharper; all of it seemed to only grow in strength and I began to wonder if things could ever get better. The pills were gone, the only thing that seemed to give me hope and happiness on being the perfect girlfriend was now gone and flushed down the toilet.

Only once it resonated with me that they were gone did I finally break down, and I don’t mean I cried, I was now angry, angry with him for flushing down my hope, angry at him for not even noticing how sad I was, but most of all I was angry with myself. I pushed him back, his back hitting the bathroom wall and a screech of my voice coming at and colliding with his eardrums. “How could you!” My hands came back again to push him but they were only caught in his hands. His hands tightened around my wrists and quickly walked forward backing me up against the wall opposite to him. “Do you think I’m stupid? Do you really think I haven’t noticed how much you’ve changed? God, I can’t stand seeing you like this!” Yoongi’s hands only tightened as he got more frustrated. “You know I was waiting for you to tell me. I thought we’ve been together long enough that when you’re hurting you could tell me.” His eyes bored into mine and his hands tightened even more now to the point of hurting. “You’re hurting me.” My voice was small, quiet and frail but he heard me none the less. His hands still stayed around my wrists but loosened up a tremendous amount. I looked up at him but his eyes were now squeezed shut and his head was hanging low. I didn’t know what was going on in his head, how could I know? He knew what I was doing this whole time, I only kept it a secret because I knew it would tear him up inside, but in reality he had to suffer alone and silently waiting for me to come clean to him. “I’m sorry.” My voice picked up in pitch but it was more of a whisper still.

Yoongi never opened his eyes or raised his head. His hands dropped from my wrists and hung by his sides. “I- I should’ve-”

“Talk to me (Y/N). Just talk to me when you’re depressed, don’t worry about how I’m going to feel.”

“But-”

“No buts, I have been going out of my freaking mind seeing you like this and I could barely stand let alone watch you do this to yourself.” Yoongi’s hands now came up to my face cupping my cheeks in his hands.

“How long?” You whispered knowing he would be able to hear what I had just said. He gave a confused look so I spoke again. “How long have you known?”

It didn’t take long for him to answer. “Four months ago.”

“So when I started…I’m sorry.” I breathed out letting out the few tears that have been building up behind my eyes. Yoongi shushed me once I spoke those two words. His lips met my forehead and when he pulled back tears were now welling up in his eyes only making me feel more upset and a small cry left my lips. “Yoongi…I-I’m-”

“Shh, it’s okay. We’ll get through this okay? You just need to talk to me when you need help with all of this okay? You’re going to get better…you will, I promise.”

Lance liked to watch the older Garrison students train in the yard in the mornings. Back home he’d wake up with the dawn, except for when his Papi didn’t drag him out of bed.  Then he’d sleep until noon. But most mornings Papi would press a hot mug of his mama’s sweet cafecito into his hands and prod him until he dressed, still half asleep, and drag him down to the boat. He wouldn’t be awake until his third cup, though this would be mud-thick and as bitter as he is, slurped from Papi’s battered thermos as they drove the boat through the Keys and towards the open ocean.

Mornings in the garrison aren’t quite that, but the bitter taste of coffee brewed in on their dorm’s illicit hotplate and the cool dawn air on his cheeks feels almost like those mornings. He doesn’t do it too often - he <i>likes</i> sleeping - but when he’s feeling homesick it’s something that makes him feel better. Even if he can’t smell the ocean, he can have the taste of coffee and the dawn and a few dozen hot cadets working out on the lawn.

PT’s uniform certainly makes watching them fun.

So sipping coffee and watching hot recruits is how he first meets Shiro. It’s the smell of the coffee that draws him in, rich and sweet with sugar cane his mama mailed him every month like clockwork. The mug is one brought from home, thick but a little wonky looking because his oldest sister made it for him, with a messy rainbow painted on the handle. It’s embarrassing. He loves it shamelessly.

Shiro sidles up to him. There’s sweat beading at his temples and dampening the roots of his hair, darkening the hem of his grey wifebeater. He grins crookedly at Lance, head cocked. His bangs flop into his eyes. It is, Lance thinks, fucking adorable. Which is a weird thing to think, right? Because this dude is, like, half a foot taller and twice as wide across as Lance is, and must be double his weight in pure muscle mass. He shouldn’t be capable of looking cute. But he is. He is also painfully attractive, and Lance is twelve and he’s only smooth when he’s trying to talk himself out of a tight spot. Which is always, because he never learned to keep his head down or his mouth shut, but whatever.

“Hey!” Shiro grins at him, eyes crinkling up. He pulls up the hem of his shirt to wipe his forehead. Lance can’t help the way his eyes skitter down, or the heat that blooms over his face and ears and down his neck when he catches sight of smooth skin and abs and… “Is that coffee?”

Lance startles, hands jerking. Hot coffee splashes over is hand, and he hisses. “Fuck!” He grits his teeth and waits for the pain to fade.

“I’m sorry! Are you okay? I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“No, no! I’m fine dude. And if I tell you this is coffee, are you gonna report me? Because if you are, then it’s not. Coffee, I mean, it’s like milk or something. Yeah.” He holds the mug in one hand, flicking the coffee off of his burnt hand. It’s not too bad, the coffee had cooled from the boil it was when he brought it out here, but the skin is red. He grunts and wipes the rest of the coffee off on his pajama pants.

The cadet grins at him. “If I can bum some off of you, I promise the officers won’t find out about it. Where’d you get it?”

Lance grins back. “Places.” The Garrison doesn’t allow outside food, and coffee is prohibited on campus entirely. Something about caffeine addictions in space.

Lance has never been good at following rules.

He casts longing looks at the mug in his hands. “Can I have a sip? Just a sip?”
He can recognize another coffee addict. He holds out the mug. “Go ahead. I’ve got more back in my dorm, if my roommate hasn’t woken up yet.”
“Are you sure? I mean -“

“C’mon, I don’t mind. I like to share.” He holds out the mug of coffee, steam rising in loose coils between their faces, and hopes the flush to his face has faded. He’s never known anyone able to tell when he’s embarrassed, but still.

The cadet takes it eagerly, and their hands brush, rough calloused fingertips over soft knuckles as he cups the thick clay. He can still feel them when he pulls away, hands hovering awkwardly at his side. He crosses his arms. He sips it, and then he sighs, shoulders slumping. He groans. “This is the best thing I’ve ever tasted,” he mutters.

“Old Cuban recipe.” Pride flutters in his chest, leaving him feeling buoyant and bright, like a light is shining under his skin. “Everyone in Dorm A-3 drinks it for finals. Better than energy drinks.” The sales pitch slips out before he can stop it. He’s got to expand his empire, right? Right.

“A-22? The one where that one Cadet climbed a flagpole and declared themselves King of Earth?” He laughs. There’s coffee caught on his bottom lip, dark and shiny. Lance tries not to stare.

“No one can prove what caused that!” Mostly because, hey, no one was going to out the dorm’s only source of <i>anything</i> in the Garrison. Lance has always been safe. He puffs his cheeks out. “Maybe I should take my coffee back after all.”

The cadet hunches over it, expression suddenly bullish and protective. He slurps pointedly.

Lance holds his hands up. “Or not.” He watches the other cadet for a while. The sun is just starting to break past the rainbow it’s spilled across the horizon, the cadets on the lawn wrapping up morning exercises. In another hour it’s going to be achingly hot out, in that dry way desert days are hot. Somedays, when he stepped outside he felt like all the water is being sucked from his body, it was that kind of hot. He hates it, but whatever. They only sometimes have to go outside anyways. “Your class is just about done, if you don’t wanna get caught sneaking back in.”

The cadet grunts, tipping the last of the long gone cold coffee into his mouth. “It’s okay. I have the morning off.”

“But you’re out here working on PT.”

He smiles at Lance, holding the mug out to him. “I have a good work ethic.” Lance takes it and tries not to think about the cadet’s mouth where his had been. He should be over indirect kisses by now. He’s had <i>actual</i> kisses that don’t leave his chest fluttering this much. “See you?”

“Only if I get your name.” Lance tries to croon. It comes out more of a croak.
The cadet just seems amused. “Takashi Shirogane.”

Lance can feel his soul leave his body. Takashi Shirogane, officer in training and hero of the Garrison. And the cadet who’d just bummed his coffee off of him at five in the morning. The Garrison’s golden boy has just bummed coffee off of A-22’s smuggler. Because of course, Lance thought, this is his life.

He can feel his smile thin on his face. “Cool. I’m,” not going to tell a goody two-shoes his name, “Anthony.” Because naming yourself after a saint is a good idea. He has all the best ideas.

One large hand ruffles his hair. “Good to meet you, Anthony. See you around!” He turns to leave, and Lance watches. Because he’s <i>never</i> getting with that. Which is too bad.

When he gets back to his dorm Hunk grins at him from over a mug of the last of the pot he’d made before he’d left.

Lance doesn’t tell him what happened.

He <i>does</i> end up dreaming of the guy for an uncomfortable length of time.


The second time he meets Shiro he’s got a backpack of illicit alcohol hitched up high on his shoulders. It’s one of the more common runs he does, because the Garrison apparently drives its cadets to drinking. Iverson, at least, does; Lance always notices a hitch in sales when his exams come around. Lance enjoyed the extra cash, but no so much the look of haggard despair worn by some of his best customers.

He’s sneaking back onto the campus. It’s so late it’s early, and he’s returning a borrowed speeder to the lot. “Borrowed” because Hunk is… wonderful, brilliant, a perfect partner in crime in every way, including the stealing vehicles kind of way. Lance knows his way around ‘50s car engines, but the Garrison uses tech he’s not even close to familiar with. He’s in one of the older Cadet uniforms, knowing that they’re allowed to take the speeders into town to run errands for the faculty, which fits pretty well at the wrists but is too wide in the shoulders and short in the legs, though that’s easy to cover with boots and a jacket. He’s got a helmet on, too, full faced, duffel thrown over his shoulder after he disembarks the speeder.

Shiro’s there to meet him. Well, no, not to meet him. He’s there to get on his own speeder to fetch something for a professor, probably, but he’s there when Lance gets in. He’s just swinging off the bike when he turns and comes face-to-helmet with the teen.

“Oh. Hi.” Shiro blinks at him, looking half asleep.

Lance stares. This isn’t the first time he’s encountered someone like this, but it’s the first time he’s spoken to them before meeting them. He’s not sure if Shiro will recognize his voice. He waves. His fingers curl awkwardly against his palm. He can feel his heart beating in his chest, and even though the desert nights are too cold for sweating he can feel it beginning to collect at his temples. The strap of the bag digs into his shoulder.

For a minute they stare awkwardly at each other. “Did Osbourne send you out last night?” Shiro asks. “He’s always doing that to the newest Cadets.”

Lance hesitates, then nods his head. “Yeah.” He hopes that the helmet muffles his voice enough to leave him unrecognizable. “Bastard.” He adds as an afterthought. Under the moonlight turned dawning Shiro looks handsome. Lance suspects that Shiro always looks handsome. He toes the dirt of the landing yard, glancing over the other teen’s shoulder. He has class in a few hours. He needs to hide his haul somewhere the dorm checks won’t find it.

After a moment he asks, “See you around?” He looks awkward. Lance blames himself.

“Yeah. See… you.” Lance walks past him.

He hopes he doesn’t. Lance already knows that hanging out with the Cadet is bad news.

The third time, he’s drunk and it’s the night after finals. Everyone who’s got the hook up is partying. People who don’t have the hook up are partying, mostly because Lance has suffused so much booze, Adderall, and caffeine throughout the campus that one would have to purposefully be avoiding it to not see it.

Lance is sure that, even with his exams, he’s top of the Cargo Class again. He throws back a shot of rum. At the start of the night he was mixing drinks, all the sweet things he knows from home to hide the bite of alcohol, but he’s numb halfway down his chest and all he can feel is the heat in his belly and the tingle in his fingers. Hunk is drinking cheap vodka from a bottle, cheeks flushed and hair clinging to his sweating temples. Lance leans in to kiss him, grinning and smearing saliva over his cheek. “Love you!” He screams over the music. He can hear it pounding in his head, feel it vibrating in his bones. Hunk tosses a heavy arm over his shoulders, laughing too loud and then leaning forward, dragging them both down to the sticky floor. People walk around them, laughing over their heads.

“Bruh! Bruh!” Lance whines. “Heavy!” Hunk laughs and rolls off of him. Lance stares up at the stars, suddenly feeling lighter. He turns his head to grin at his bro, his partner in crime, light and giddy and too happy. The alcohol makes him dizzy.

Hunk holds the bottle up, and they can see the orange from the bonfire shining off it. “We did good,” he says. “We’re <i>notorious</i>. No one after us is ever going to get away with the shit we’ve pulled.” They grin at each other, teeth white against dark faces, and Lance presses their foreheads together.   

“To next year, right bud?” He pulls the bottle in close, sloshing vodka into his open mouth.

Lance takes the bottle from him. “To the next forever, bro.” They’re still grinning at each other, lost in a haze of alcohol and bliss and heady success when an airhorn break through the music and the yelling around them.

“Run!” Someone screams. “Garrison!”

They both scramble to their feet, slow to react. Around them people are scattering into the dark of the desert. The ones that are too drunk or tired to make it back to campus will either be caught or pass out by one of the rock outcroppings. 

– 

A/N: Voltron AU where Lance and Shrio meet before Cerberus. Shiro ends up being ordered to track down the student smuggling supplies into the Garrison. He gets close, but Lance outsmarts him and then he’s forced to leave on the mission. In the meantime, Lance just keeps running into him and developes the worst crush. When they finally get back together as Voltron, he hides the fact that he was the smuggler - because awkward - and the fact that Shiro, who’s never known Lance as Lance, was friends with him before. It’d be too much to explain. Then, of course, his smuggling expertise is needed and things come to a head, because draaamaaa~~~~

#80 [Kenny Omega]

Requested, #80: “Does he know about the baby?” - with the young bucks and Kenny omega? Like the reader is the young bucks sister who slept with Kenny?. (Prompt from here.)


Author note: This is straight up fluff and silliness. And ran long. Ohhh well.

@superkixbaybay @hiitsmecharlie @ihtscuddlesbeeetchx3 @valeonmars



Kenny Omega had come in to your life without preamble.

It felt like one second your brothers, The Young Bucks, were talking about “changes” in New Japan and Bullet Club, and the next you had a two-tone-haired man standing in front of you.

There were very few interactions between the two of you before you realized you had some attraction to him. At first, you’d just assumed it was physical, and had kept yourself from doing anything about it. But the more you were with him, the more you realized it was a lot more than just your body craving his.

Kenny was intelligent. Well-spoken. Funny. Genuine. Passionate. Caring. Trustworthy. Hardworking. Determined.

That last part was what really led to your current situation; you pressed against a shirtless Kenny in a heated kiss.

Keep reading

psychorable  asked:

Okay so, I'm huge Barbra Streisand fan, and I've had this thought, what if Harry missed your birthday, and to make it up to you he takes you to a concert where you guys are arranged to me Barbra Streisand? I don't know, I know it sounds totally random but I think it would be cute :)

First of all I’m so sorry for the long wait! but I do hope this is worth it.

Originally posted by pinkharold

Harry has never, ever missed a birthday before.

When you two first started going out that was the first thing he asked was what was your birthday. Ever since, in the two year relationship you both shared your birthday was celebrated.

Except this year.

You honestly were not that upset, sure it sucked but you knew Harry’s brain was on the fritz. With the new album and the movie he was is going very well not to mention all the personal shit that has happened before you could understand if he forgot. Plus it was just the one, you two had plenty of birthdays together in the future. So, as he went to do a concert you just celebrated with a small group of friends. Yes, they dragged his name in the dirt for forgetting but you tried to assure them it was fine.

You were going to let it go, or at least brush it off, but no. If you knew anything about Harry from being with him you knew good and well when he realizes something he goes into dramatic mode. This particular episode was when you got a phone call after you just got done with your exercise for the day.

“Baby?”

WHY DIDN’T YEH CAWUL ME I FORGOT! OH MY FOOKIN’ GOD I FORGOT YEH BUTHDAY!”

“Baby calm down! It’s fine you had to do a concert and it slipped it’s no big deal!”

“Yes it is! Oh my God I am the wuhst boyfriend evah,” he groaned and you couldn’t help but laugh at how he was taking this.

“Baby please, it’s fine seriously. People forget stuff, besides we have plenty of birthdays in the future! And you are not the worst boyfriend ever okay? You are the best, hardworking, talented, most beautiful boyfriend ever and I still love you like crazy.”

There was a pause, before he sighed on the other end.

“Yeh promise?” He asked sounding unsure, God you wanted to hug him. He was beating himself up over something like this and all you wanted to do was to insure him it was okay.

“With all my heart and soul I promise,” you replied and you can feel the smile on the other end.

“Okay…I am going to make oop for it yeh do know thah’,” he argued and you just laugh.

“Just come back to me safely, that’ll be my late birthday present,” you told him.

When he did you ran and wrapped your arms around him in a big hug. You could feel him squeezing you and covering your face in kisses which always made you laugh.

“God I missed yeh,” he sighed, practically leaning on you but you gently tapped him on the back to get back up.

“Come on you big log lets get your things and we can cuddle so you can sleep. I know you have to be jet lagged.”

“A li’ile,” he rubbed his eyes in a child like manner, pushing to get his stuff inside before finally allowing you to just drag him to the bed where he fell fast asleep on you as you played in his hair. He always claims he sleeps better when he is near you, hell finally smelling him and feeling his warmth lulled you to sleep too.

But when he woke up he always kisses you until you finally wake, there you both just lay. He tells you about the tour while you tell him about work. You talk all the time, but being together like this meant everything.

“Oh! I goh’ a surprise for yeh,” he moves a bit then walks over to his travel bag before getting back on the bed and handed it to you.

“I told you no gifts!” You told him but he shook his head.

“It’s noh I promise,” he argued. You just give him a look before slowly opening the envelope. It was a birthday card…you could deal with birthday cards. But when you actually opened the card you saw something slide out. You picked it up, only to have your eyes bugged out.

“I take that as a yeh luike it?” Harry asked sounding hopeful. “I know I kinda luied buh I could noh deal with missin’ yeh birthday.”

You looked at him then at his gift, tickets…front row tickets to see Barbra Streisand. The Barbra Streisand, the woman was your queen. You never got a chance to see her live before…you even told Harry that seeing her was on your bucket list. The fact he snagged this for you…and front row!

“Oh I also pulled some strings for a meet and greet,” Harry added with a smirk. You honestly had no idea why he flinched at your loud screaming, he knew you were going to do that he had to! You clung to him in a tight hug, almost knocking the life out of him but covering his face in kisses seemed to please him.


“Oh my God what the hell am I gonna wear?” You mutter looking at everything, about to sink to the floor and say just forget it. It was the night of the concert but you were in a panic. You were going to see Barbra Streisand, you are not going to wear just Plain Jane clothes.

“Baby will yeh calm down?” Harry had to laugh at you wrapping his arms around you. He of course was wearing his typical black skinny jeans and a floral shirt that looked a dad could wear. But of course he could pull it off, this was Harry we were talking about. You, not so much.

“Yeh gonna be okay, just wear that grey dress yeh luike so mooch,” He helped out getting the dress he was talking about. You sighed and took it, figuring you trust him enough to know what he was talking about. Course with him you could wear a paper bag and he would think you were amazing. That is who Harry was, and you loved him for it.

Still, you were sweating bullets, you could feel your heart pounding in your chest in nerves. More so when you two finally arrived at the concert, just walking there and showing your passes and walked right on in. Before, you never would have dreamed of walking backstage let alone with such ease. But with Harry you were doing it, this was a clear reality. Even though you insist that he didn’t, and in fact shouldn’t spend his money on you. You even used the term “kept woman” but Harry wanted to.

He wanted to give you the fine things in life, to experience things he knew he could provide. He knows you weren’t some girl who was just after the title and the wealth, that was why he did it you suppose. The idea of spoiling you made him happy, and what was the harm in that? He even told you as long as you loved him he was happy, that you didn’t have to give him anything. He just wanted your love, and you gave it, and he returns the favor in a very grand, very Harry way.

You got closer to the meet and greet, you could feel your knees buckle and your breathing getting short. Harry stops with you, squeezing your hand in support.

“I’m going to make an ass of myself,” you told him but he just smiles shaking his head.

“Yeh noh’, come on,” he gently tugs at you. You however, do not budge.

“Yes I am I’m going to be a nervous wreck and or say something so stupid and I’m going to make a pure jackass of myself!”

“YN, remembah when we fuhst met?” He asked and you nod groaning a bit.

“I was a jackass then too, pretty sure I told you you were super pretty,” you remembered.

“Buh whoh did I say?” He asked, you looked at him, a small smile appearing across your face.

“You told me I wasn’t so bad looking myself,” you replied with a small laugh.

“And evah since I’ve been madly in love, noh sayin’ I wan’ yeh to run away with Barbra Streisand buh,” he laughed wrapping his hands around your waist. “I know yeh norvous, buh I know she will love yeh. Noh as moch as me buh close.”

With that he kisses your forehead and takes your hand as you both walk into the meet and greet. Then you saw her, your idol…your everything…the woman who hung the moon and stars. The same woman where you try to sing to the top of your lungs to her songs in the shower. Right there, in the pure flesh.

“Harry!” Barbra smiled hugging him. “They told me you were here. And who is this pretty girl?”

Oh my God Barbra Streisand thought you were pretty!

“This is muy guhlfriend YN, she’s a big fan of yehs,” he introduced you to her. For a moment you just froze, she was there…she was right there…in the flesh, looking at you. Holding out her hand to you in a handshake.

“It’s lovely to meet you!” She spoke, you did find it in your brain to actually function and shake her hand. A goofy smile appeared across your face.

“It’s an honor…really,” words came out of your mouth…at least you could do that! You took the pictures with her, she even signed something for you. Telling your goodbyes you walked to get to your place at the concert…but not without screaming out to the top of your lungs causing Harry to jump.

At first he looked horrified, but when you pulled him into a big hug he laughed hugging you back.

“If yeh act like this now I need to step oop my game for yeh next buthday,” he squeezed you giving you a kiss on the head. “Come on baby.”

You were basically attached to his hip the rest of the night, giving him so many thank yous and I love yous. Kisses on his cheek and tiny squeals. A smile never left his face. He knew he did good making up for your late birthday.

Maybe asking you to marry him would have to wait until the next birthday.