This moment when people find it extremely funny how much you shrink when someone suddenly lifts their arm as if they were about to hurt you. Like, wtf?! Can they not imagine that there might have been a time when being threatened to get hurt wasn’t a joke? When it was actually followed by pain? This is no fucking joke to me.
Quick fact. Ready?
An enzyme, known as aromatase, performs conversions of free testosterone to estrogen. This is a common fear among men, in which one experiences higher levels of estrogen activity and affects in the body.
(workbook anon bc that session was so healing my cptsd ass is finally learning to trust). This shit is about to be long so I 100% understand if you don’t post it I jus need to tell someone about it LOL
I was inpatient last week for unrelated chronic health reasons but still met with a (very uppity) psychologist while I was there who seemed confused by me, and frustrated that I was so guarded. She consulted with my therapist to give suggestions (which idk the specifics of) but my therapist seemed worried that the direction they wanted to take would actually do more harm. She told her about how my complex trauma deeply hinders my ability to put thoughts into words, but she also thinks I have good instincts & she trusts my drive to recover & pretty much (gently) told her to fuck off bc she knows better what I need LMAO
She was super open about how that conversation went which was surprising but also hilarious to me because I’ve never seen a ~sassier~ side of her. But hearing her advocate for me and talk to me about her experience in working with trauma just made me feel so supported & like she really does know me. I shared a lot with her in that book about negative perceptions of myself and she just accepted it without trying to refute them and she made me feel like it was okay to be uncomfortable with her.
It was SO overwhelming and I was trying SO hard not to completely dissociate the whole time. But it was necessary. I’m so goddamn lucky to have found someone who can and wants to hold my shit together for me in the room when I can’t.
thoughts on... long distance relationships? Online sustenance for it?
I know for a fact they can work. Heck, my best friend recently got engaged and moved together with her long-distance boyfriend of a long time! They just need more effort than “regular” relationships, and simply don’t suit everyone. We’re all blokes of different strokes, after all.
It takes time, effort, patience, and trial and error to make a long-distance relationship work, and ability to meet the other person halfway and do compromises. They’re difficult for many reasons, but not impossible to make successful. Sometimes it takes multiple tries to get the relationship rolling.
Communication is the key, in every relationship, but ESPECIALLY in one where physical contact and affection aren’t readily available at any given point. It’s heart-wrenchingly tough to manage sometimes, but often it’s worth it.
So. Mother’s Day is Sunday.
There are a million posts out there about showing your appreciation for your mother and it can make a lot of people with abusive moms feel guilty.
So this is specifically for the people dealing with that guilt: it’s ok to Not buy her a gift, and it’s also ok to go out and buy something super nice for her. Your health comes first, and whichever option helps YOU feel best, then do it.
It’s ok if you cringe when/if she thanks you, if she hugs you and tells you she loves you. That sense of wrongness is hard to deal with, and I’m sorry you have to be one to bear it.
I’m sorry there’s so much mothers day shit out there. I’m sorry it’s all over facebook where she posts with her friends and they all tell her she’s a wonderful mom.
You deserve better. This weekend will be over soon.
- very tan
- would look great standing on a yacht
- fantastically styled brown hair
- hazel eyes, sometimes with nerd glasses (actual-nerd, not hipster-nerd)
- classically handsome anglo-american bone structure
- arm muscles worthy of the gods
- hollywood smile
- polo shirts in a range of pastels and brights
- elitist shoes
- also very tan
- short hair somewhere in the chromatic range of dirty blond to light brown
- “pretty” blue eyes
- taller than Gansey but shorter than Ronan
- lean/lanky with narrow shoulders
- very pale eyebrows (and probably very pale lashes because of how genes work)
- looks like he fought in the Civil War (both in appearance and tiredness level)
- serious/sad expression
- “smudgy”, whatever the hell that means
- blond hair, presumably in whatever style was popular for rich white boys in the mid-2000’s
- small eyes and large ears
- always wearing school uniform
- looks like a decaying ghoul when viewed from an unflattering angle
- short and choppy dark hair with bangs and lots of clips
- large eyes
- generally hot, according to Adam and Gansey at least
- approx. 5 feet tall
- dresses like she has watched every youtube video on how to “upcycle” your clothing
- blue eyes and dark eyebrows
- buzzed hair and back tattoo, obviously
- pale skin that begs for a sunburn
- chiseled nose
- chiseled muscles
- “handsome”, according to everyone
- marginally taller than Adam and considerably taller than Gansey
- either scowling grumpily or smiling smirkily
- usually wearing a tight af black tank top and edgy distressed jeans
- can grow a beard in like under a week
- cheekbones that could slice off your entire face
- flawless eyebrows
- hair that doesn’t believe in gravity
- actual model
it’s time to shut down the lie that children who don’t grow up being hit, humiliated, and scared into obedience will grow up into spoiled, entitled, selfish monsters. there is zero truth to that. children grown in a healthy and nurturing environment will get a chance to grow up healthy. children who are raised by monsters who try to pretend that abuse is for the child’s sake and that the child would become a monster if not abused will be stripped of their health and will be denied an actual start in life and will be forced to fight for survival. I’ve had enough of abusers pretending they’re helping the child while they’re just taking and taking more and more away from them and leaving them permanently traumatized and emotionally injured. Don’t let them get away with it.
It is totally okay if you give your abusive mother something for mothers day
It is totally okay if you dont give your abusive mother something for mothers day
Its okay to give your abusive mother something in order to protect yourself or stay on her “good side”, or even if its out of guilt or generosity
Its also okay to not get them anything, theyre abusive and you are under no obligation to give your abuser a present if you dont feel its right. It doesnt make you selfish or an asshole. And its okay if you simply forgot.
Mothers day is for good moms, no choice is the wrong choice.