in only the car was a delorean

5

DeLorean DMC-12, 1981. Designed by Giorgetto Giugiaro, the DMC-12 was the only product of the DeLorean Motor Company though it was intended to be the first of a range of DeLorean cars. Thanks to a £100 million subsidy from the UK government via the the Northern Ireland Development Agency the cars were built in  Dunmurry, Northern Ireland. Despite building around 9,000 cars (making it the most popular gullwing production car in the world, to date) production was halted in early 1983 after the DeLorean Motor Company went bankrupt

My Museum Tales part 1

(Part 2)

People get angry when you don’t know everything about everything in the museum. “What year did this random event that has nothing to do with the exhibit happen? Why don’t you know? You should know!”

Guest: “What mileage does this car get?” Points at a car made in 1902. 
Me: “I have no idea but probably not a lot?” How the fuck should I know?

Guest: “What are the odds of you letting me sit in that DeLorean?”
Me: “0 to -100.”
Guest: “Why not?” 
Me: “Cause you could damage it. Only the curators and specialists are allowed to touch the artifacts. That car is an artifact.”
Guest: *Surprised* “Oh.”

Guest asks me what sort of food the dining room sells. I am confused. We have no dining room in the museum. Guest points at the the map. He’s pointing at the dining room of the 1900s Mansion (the museum I work at has two mansions on the property). I have to tell him that that room isn’t a place to eat. It was the dining room for the family that used to live in the Mansion. He is still confused. Nothing I say helps.

Coming back from break to hear my relief hang up the help phone (which is connected to the parking) lot say, “The system isn’t broken, your brain is broken” in such a defeated voice.

Executive staff: “Can you put our events on other organization’s online calendars when you have a free moment?” 
No? Cause that’s not how the internet works. Its not possible unless they have a public calendar.

The most common question we get: “Where are the dinosaurs?”
Across the street at the NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM! It’s the building with all the dinosaur topiaries, the stegosaurus statue out front, and the dinosaurs painted all over the parking garage.

Came across a woman changing her babies diaper on the floor of the kids play room. A) GROSS! B)There’s a restroom with a changing table around the corner.

Me: “I’m sorry sir you can park there. It’s a fire lane.”
Guest: “I’m not parked.”
Me: *looks at the guest who is no longer in their car and already in the building.The car has been there for at least 15 mins.* 
Me: Are you going straight back to your car then?
Guest: No I’m here to visit the museum
Me: *looks at the camera like I’m on the office* At what point does a car become “parked”

The time a catered event tried to have Cherries Jubilee, a dessert which requires it to be SET ON FIRE. The cooks didn’t understand why they couldn’t make it after we explained that it’s dangerous for the artifacts and it would set the fire alarms off. They light it up anyway. Fire alarm went off. Building had to be evacuated.

Radio Conversation:
Me: Are we selling tickets at the door for tonight’s event and what methods of payment are accepted? 
Employee 2: Yes and cash. Credit card. Check.
Employee 3: Wampum
Employee 2: Barter and trade 

That time my boss called and said she was looking for someone creative to help her come up with an idea for centerpieces for big annual fundraising event that night because it completely slipped her mind. The event was that night! She asked if I could come up with something cheap and quick to make but also looks nice. Using random art supplies and things we have lying around  the storage rooms, I came up with some flower vase with photos around it type of thing (looked better than this sounds). Took all day but I made seven centerpieces out of nothing .

Guest: “Why are you only open on Wednesday?”
Me: “We’re not?”

Guest: “Aren’t you always free on Saturdays?”
Me: “No?”

Guest: “How far of a drive is it to the Mansion”
They were standing in the Mansion….

Guest: “What’s the Hay House?”
Me: “……It’s a house? Belonging to the Hay family? That you can tour?”

Guest comes in and reads the sign with our admission prices listed.
Guest: “So these are the suggested prices?”
Me: “No ma’am. The are THE prices. They’re not suggestions”
Guest: “No these are the suggested prices.”
Me: “….No. These are the prices. If you’d like to see the museum you have to pay the appropriate admission price.”
Guest: “So these are the suggested prices then.”
Me: “NO. You HAVE to pay the admission we have listed here or you can’t come in. They are not suggestions.”
She left.

Local police called us to say that people are walking through some dog poop and were spreading it all over the sidewalk by our museum. She wanted us to go powerwash the sidewalk. The sidewalk is city property not the museums. Its’ technically not our job to do that. She got furious when we said we couldn’t do it and they actually came over and yelled. Our boss had to tell her no. Eventually the head of security went out to look and said there was no poop anywhere so he didn’t know what their problem was anyway.

People ask to see objects or exhibits we haven’t had in 40 years or that we have never had period and get angry when I tell them they’re either aren’t here or are no longer on display. The most common ones are:
“Where’s the Fabergé egg?” (never had one in the museum ever)
“Where’s the mummy?”  (we are not a natural history museum nor do we have anything to do with egypt)
“Where are the dollhouses?”   (the dollhouses were on exhibit 35 years ago)
“Where are the dinosaurs?”   (again. not a natural history museum)

Guy complained because when he went to our living history site (an old farm) and his newly washed car got dirty, the walk was “dangerous” because it was not paved, there were a lot of people and no exhibits. ……..It’s a farm. Of course it’s dirty and you walked on grass. And there were tons of people because you attended one of the biggest events of the year there. And the exhibits are the buildings and trades you see. What did you expect?

Guest: “The carousel isn’t moving, is it open?”
Me: “Yes it’s open.” It’s not moving because no one is there to ride it right now. It’s not always moving. Be kind of hard for new riders to get on.

The employees had a training session for customer service and one of the sections was on service animals. Once the speaker told us a miniature pony could be a service animal we all latched onto it and could stop talking about how much we’d love to have a pony in the building. This went on for days after the training session ended.

Guest comes up to me and tells me that a couple of the women’s stalls are “quite nasty”. I go and tell my boss and the head of maintenance. HofM comes out of the restroom and says, “Why did you make me do that?! Who does that to a toilet!” Turns out someone ahem…missed. I refused to “investigate” for myself. Later he walked by my desk again, said “apparently someone doesn’t know how to use the bathroom correctly”, shuddered and left. 

Guest once spent 10 minutes telling me about his toothache

The joke every elderly man tells when they buy admission: “I’d like one child ticket please!”  [insert fake laugh here]

Guest: “I’d like to renew my membership.” 
Me: “Awesome! Just fill out this form and what level are you renewing?” 
Guest: “Idk can you look it up?” 
Me: “Well it depends on how long ago you had your membership” 
Guest: “Let me look on my old card” 
The membership cards tell you what the level is. 

The many children who run under the barriers, climb into the antique cars, and move the steering wheel like it’s a toy as the parents watch and take photos. 

The grown adults who reach over the barriers and touch the tires or honk the horns. HONK THE HORNS! The whole museum can literally hear you doing that. It’s a car horn!!!

One of the brides who rented the Mansion garden for her wedding wanted to bring a live horse into the museum so she could ride it out after the ceremony. 

Questions asked by drunk people on the carousel: “Which horse is fastest?”, “Can you make it go backwards?”, *reaches out into my booth* “Let me use the microphone”, “Can you make it go faster?”

I once had to kick a guest out of the carousel pavillion during a party because she was so drunk she couldn’t walk a straight line, lost her shoes, and was spitting on the floor. Guess who had to clean up her saliva…

Each admission has a brick hidden somewhere under it. We call it a “Security Brick”

Birds get inside the museum all the time. We now have a club for anyone who manages to catch one. I’ve caught one myself. It’s always fun watching newbies freak out when another one comes in. I want to get shirts made.

One client who rented the museum was so offended by the “naked” cherubs on the carousel that we had to figure out a way to cover up their “boobs”. We draped rainbow scarves over them.

Here’s to all the wonderful guests who have given me some interesting conversations, hugs, thank you’s, patience, and the opportunities to leave my admission desk and give them short tours full of enthusiasm. I treasure those moments

7

DeLorean? Check.
Telescope? Check.
Solar Eclipse Glasses? Check.
Telescope fits in DeLorean? Check.
Hotel two hours from totality? Check.
Solar filter for telescope? Check.

Alrighty. I’m ready for the eclipse. My telescope is the exact perfect size of the shelf in the DeLorean so it’ll fit there. I got three pairs of solar eclipse glasses WHICH FIT OVER MY EXTRA WIDE REGULAR GLASSES I’M SO HYPED, I got my solar filter that cost almost as much as the telescope, I got a hotel about two hours from totality because literally every hotel is booked, and I’m just ready.

The only two small minor (but massive) road blocks is that my car has no gas in the air conditioner. My car keeps leaking it. I already have plans to get that fixed, possibly by Wednesday this week. I’m not going to drive my car in the midst of August without the breath of a polar bear with hypothermia in my face, but I’m also not going to just massive amounts of this stuff constantly leak into the atmosphere.

The other small minor nothing problem is I’m 90% certain my alternator isn’t producing more electricity than I use while driving. Pretty sure that as I drive I’m slowly draining the battery. I always drive with the headlights on with safety (which turns all of the other lights on), radio cassette with bluetooth playing, and usually the fan and A/C (if its working) are also generally on. Good news on that front: I’ve already ordered from DMCMW aka DeLorean Motor Company MidWest a brand new shiny 120 amp alternator to replace my old failing one that I’m pretty sure is 90 amps?

After those two everything else will be actual minor things. Brakes squeak at low speeds, I think my seals are letting in some water during the heaviest rains, the interior dome lights don’t come on, 2.5 speakers don’t work, tires are old but pass the penny lincoln head test, the driver side door spring is wearing down, and… I think that’s it. The car is in very good shape and barely needs anything done.

If any of you have a telescope and are planning on using it to see the eclipse, DON’T. DO NOT. NEIN. NO. NO (in spanish).

I have a solar filter to block out pretty much EVERYTHING. If you use a regular telescope without a solar filter add-on you risk losing your sight. And without your sight how will you see how cool DeLoerans are? Can’t. So don’t do it.

2

“Got everything we need for movie night?”

“Yep,” Sam said, showing you the brown paper bag he was carrying. “We got the popcorn–,”

“The drinks,” Dean put in, raising the two six pack of beers he had in each hand. He flashed you a self-satisfied smile when you gave him a thumbs-up in approval.

Ignoring his brother’s interruption, Sam went on saying, “–the Kit Kats, the pecan pie, and that crap Dean calls food.”

“Dude, licorice’s not crap,” Dean replied, rolling his eyes. “We’ve been through this, it’s classic movie–”

A thunderous crash had you three stop dead on your tracks and looking to your right towards the source of the commotion. Sam and Dean protectively moved in front of you, blocking the view of the car that had crashed into a pair of trash bins.

You walked around the brothers–bewildered with the scene before them–to have a better look, only to be equally stunned as your eyes landed on the tracks of fire left by the crashed vehicle.

“Um, guys,” you began, “is it just me or is that…”

“A silver DeLorean with fire tracks behind it?” Dean finished for you, disbelief and confusion visible in his eyes. He turned to look at Sam, who shrugged. “What the–”

“We made it, Doc!” A male voice shouted from within the car. “The future’s safe again!”

The passenger’s door was opened and from it popped an old man’s head, his hair white and windblown. “Great Scott! It does look like it.”

Before you knew it, the old man with shaggy hair was addressing you. “Hey, you standing there. Please tell me today’s date is the twenty-first of October of two thousand fifteen.”

9

Faces Do Matter

Some say that the face is all that matters. I can’t stop thinking about that famous phrase whenever I stare at an Alpine. Whether you think its front is too cluttered or uniquely perfect, it most definitely has an interesting face to say the least.

The Delorean wasn’t the only Renault powered sports car with the engine stuffed in a not so conventional place. This alpine is rear engine’d, and besides you gotta love that shade of teal.

- Jon Tong

P.S. Photos from Petrolicious

I took the ‘ol Millennium Falcon for some hot dogs at this old restaurant (Rand Red Hots?) near where some family of mine live. A polish hot dog, fries, and a coke sets you back $5.86 and it’s cash only. Not sure why cash only places exist in 2017.5 but I guess people gotta launder some way or another.

Hrn, DeLorean blog making a drug money laundering joke. This can only end well.

It caused a little bit of a traffic danger on Rand road as some cars would practically STOP or severely slow down to get a longer look at my car. My brother’s dream car is a Dodge Challenger, so it was a win for me when a DC came to a near stop for *my* car. Take that you brother whom I love dearly!! In! Your! FACE!

If I can, I’m going to try to make more of those Vine-esq type videos I used to make when making fun of my car tomorrow. It may rain, but I got a backup idea for that one.

Not the Doc I'm Looking For

88 miles per hour.

You’d think traveling universes would require more power than time travel, but it was always the same speed to get wherever and whenever you needed. However, the DeLorean’s new feature was still in a beta phase, and it made everything else go out of hand.

Marty McFly never knew where he would end up if these experiments didn’t work. It could be a different year or place. More often it was both.

This time it looked like he ended up in a desert area, in the middle of what was maybe a small town. The only reason Marty thought that is because he was heading towards a building.

“Holy shit–!” he cried, attempting to make a hard right turn away from the structure. The car skidded, only to be stopped by the building itself. It crashed linear to the wall on the drivers side. All the icy DeLorean received in the aftermath was a shattered window and some denting, but the impact left an unconscious teenager behind the wheel.

The Rogue in the 80s

For @bringmydamngadgetsback

It was difficult to keep friendships alive when living in a different country, let alone a different timeline, but Q and Marty had managed to make it work. Somehow. They’d usually organise it in advance when Marty would come to Q again, making sure enough time for Marty passed too so he didn’t fuck his age up.

When Marty arrived, he was certain he’d got the right date, he’d written it down and everything. But when he knocked on Q’s door, somebody else answered. When he asked where the last tenant went, the person replied that they didn’t know. He tried to phone Q about ten times but no reply; it was around the third phone call that Marty was beginning to panic. He had half a mind to go to MI6 headquarters and ask what was going on, but he was pretty sure that was a stupid idea. Q was the only thing keeping MI6 from taking the Delorean and Marty with it and if he was now indeed gone, asking them for help would only cause more trouble.

It was around one in the morning that, after a day of worrying and calling, Marty fell into an uneasy sleep in the Delorean. It was around three in the morning when he was rudely awoken by the sound of the passenger door being opened and Q sat in the car and closed the door, like he hadn’t been missing all day.

“Q!” Marty grabbed the man and pulled him into a tight hug, “where the hell have you been, man?!” he pulled away from the hug and punched his arm, his smile replaced with a scowl, “what’s going on?! I thought you were dead!”