DeLorean DMC-12, 1981. Designed by Giorgetto Giugiaro, the DMC-12 was the only product of the DeLorean Motor Company though it was intended to be the first of a range of DeLorean cars. Thanks to a £100 million subsidy from the UK government via the the Northern Ireland Development Agency the cars were built in Dunmurry, Northern Ireland. Despite building around 9,000 cars (making it the most popular gullwing production car in the world, to date) production was halted in early 1983 after the DeLorean Motor Company went bankrupt
get angry when you don’t know everything about everything in the museum. “What
year did this random event that has nothing to do with the exhibit happen? Why
don’t you know? You should know!”
“What mileage does this car get?” Points at a car made in 1902.
Me: “I have no idea but probably not a lot?” How the fuck should I know?
“What are the odds of you letting me sit in that DeLorean?”
Me: “0 to -100.”
Guest: “Why not?”
Me: “Cause you could damage it. Only the curators and specialists are allowed
to touch the artifacts. That car is an artifact.”
Guest: *Surprised* “Oh.”
asks me what sort of food the dining room sells. I am confused. We have no
dining room in the museum. Guest points at the the map. He’s pointing at the
dining room of the 1900s Mansion (the museum I work at has two mansions on the
property). I have to tell him that that
room isn’t a place to eat. It was the dining room for the family that used to
live in the Mansion. He is still confused. Nothing I say helps.
back from break to hear my relief hang up the help phone (which is connected to
the parking) lot say, “The system isn’t broken, your brain is broken” in such a
staff: “Can you put our events on other organization’s online calendars when
you have a free moment?”
No? Cause that’s not how the internet works. Its not possible unless they have
a public calendar.
most common question we get: “Where are the dinosaurs?”
Across the street at the NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM! It’s the building with all the
dinosaur topiaries, the stegosaurus statue out front, and the dinosaurs painted
all over the parking garage.
across a woman changing her babies diaper on the floor of the kids play room.
A) GROSS! B)There’s a restroom with a changing table around the corner.
sorry sir you can park there. It’s a fire lane.”
Guest: “I’m not parked.”
Me: *looks at the guest who is no longer in their car and already in the
building.The car has been there for at least 15 mins.*
Me: Are you going straight back to your car then?
Guest: No I’m here to visit the museum
Me: *looks at the camera like I’m on the office* At what point does a car become “parked”
time a catered event tried to have Cherries Jubilee, a dessert which requires it
to be SET ON FIRE. The cooks didn’t understand why they couldn’t make it after
we explained that it’s dangerous for the artifacts and it would set the fire
alarms off. They light it up anyway. Fire alarm went off. Building had to be
Me: Are we selling tickets at the door for tonight’s event and what methods of
payment are accepted?
Employee 2: Yes and cash. Credit card. Check.
Employee 3: Wampum
Employee 2: Barter and trade
time my boss called and said she was looking for someone creative to help her
come up with an idea for centerpieces for big annual fundraising event that
night because it completely slipped her mind. The event was that night! She
asked if I could come up with something cheap and quick to make but also looks
nice. Using random art supplies and things we have lying around the
storage rooms, I came up with some flower vase with photos around it type of
thing (looked better than this sounds). Took all day but I made seven
centerpieces out of nothing .
“Why are you only open on Wednesday?”
Me: “We’re not?”
“Aren’t you always free on Saturdays?”
“How far of a drive is it to the Mansion”
They were standing in the Mansion….
“What’s the Hay House?”
Me: “……It’s a house? Belonging to the Hay family? That you can tour?”
comes in and reads the sign with our admission prices listed.
Guest: “So these are the suggested prices?”
Me: “No ma’am. The are THE prices. They’re not suggestions”
Guest: “No these are the suggested prices.”
Me: “….No. These are the prices. If you’d like to see the museum you have
to pay the appropriate admission price.”
Guest: “So these are the suggested prices then.”
Me: “NO. You HAVE to pay the admission we have listed here or you can’t
come in. They are not suggestions.”
police called us to say that people are walking through some dog poop and were
spreading it all over the sidewalk by our museum. She wanted us to go powerwash
the sidewalk. The sidewalk is city property not the museums. Its’ technically
not our job to do that. She got furious when we said we couldn’t do it and they
actually came over and yelled. Our boss had to tell her no. Eventually the head
of security went out to look and said there was no poop anywhere so he didn’t
know what their problem was anyway.
ask to see objects or exhibits we haven’t had in 40 years or that we have never
had period and get angry when I tell them they’re either aren’t here or are no
longer on display. The most common ones are:
“Where’s the Fabergé egg?” (never had one in the museum ever)
“Where’s the mummy?” (we are not a natural history museum nor do we have
anything to do with egypt)
“Where are the dollhouses?” (the dollhouses were on exhibit 35 years ago)
“Where are the dinosaurs?” (again. not a natural history museum)
complained because when he went to our living history site (an old farm) and
his newly washed car got dirty, the walk was “dangerous” because it was not
paved, there were a lot of people and no exhibits. ……..It’s a farm. Of course
it’s dirty and you walked on grass. And there were tons of people because you
attended one of the biggest events of the year there. And the exhibits are the
buildings and trades you see. What did you expect?
carousel isn’t moving, is it open?”
Me: “Yes it’s open.” It’s not moving because no one is there to ride it
right now. It’s not always moving. Be kind of hard for new riders to get on.
employees had a training session for customer service and one of the sections
was on service animals. Once the speaker told us a miniature pony could be a
service animal we all latched onto it and could stop talking about how much
we’d love to have a pony in the building. This went on for days after the
training session ended.
comes up to me and tells me that a couple of the women’s stalls are “quite
nasty”. I go and tell my boss and the head of maintenance. HofM comes out of
the restroom and says, “Why did you make me do that?! Who does that to a
toilet!” Turns out someone ahem…missed. I refused to “investigate” for myself.
Later he walked by my desk again, said “apparently someone doesn’t know how to
use the bathroom correctly”, shuddered and left.
once spent 10 minutes telling me about his toothache
joke every elderly man tells when they buy admission: “I’d like one child
ticket please!” [insert fake laugh here]
“I’d like to renew my membership.”
Me: “Awesome! Just fill out this form and what level are you renewing?”
Guest: “Idk can you look it up?”
Me: “Well it depends on how long ago you had your membership”
Guest: “Let me look on my old card”
The membership cards tell you what the level is.
many children who run under the barriers, climb into the antique cars, and move
the steering wheel like it’s a toy as the parents watch and take photos.
grown adults who reach over the barriers and touch the tires or honk the horns.
HONK THE HORNS! The whole museum can literally hear you doing that. It’s a car
of the brides who rented the Mansion garden for her wedding wanted to bring a
live horse into the museum so she could ride it out after the ceremony.
asked by drunk people on the carousel: “Which horse is fastest?”, “Can you make
it go backwards?”, *reaches out into my booth* “Let me use the microphone”,
“Can you make it go faster?”
once had to kick a guest out of the carousel pavillion during a party because
she was so drunk she couldn’t walk a straight line, lost her shoes, and was
spitting on the floor. Guess who had to clean up her saliva…
admission has a brick hidden somewhere under it. We call it a “Security
get inside the museum all the time. We now have a club for anyone who manages
to catch one. I’ve caught one myself. It’s always fun watching newbies freak
out when another one comes in. I want to get shirts made.
client who rented the museum was so offended by the “naked” cherubs on the
carousel that we had to figure out a way to cover up their “boobs”. We
draped rainbow scarves over them.
Here’s to all the wonderful guests who have given me some interesting conversations, hugs, thank you’s, patience, and the opportunities to leave my admission desk and give them short tours full of enthusiasm. I treasure those moments
Those of you who have been following me will know that I recently
drove down to the Solar Eclipse in my DeLorean. As the totality
approached I used my phone to take a recording of the sky towards the direction of the Moon’s Shadow so that I could watch it approach. If
you watch the video I want you to notice a couple of things, first, the
clouds in the distance getting darker before the foreground, and next
the cumulus clouds disappear during Totality. They are sustainable during
eclipses without the power of the sun to keep them going so they fade
The video is sped up x8 so it only lasts about 45 seconds.
I decided to bring my DeLorean down to the eclipse, because if you’re going to drive to an eclipse why not do it in style? I decided to go where NASA was and drive down to Carbondale, IL. At the last minute we realized that Carbondale, while very close to the exact center, wasn’t the center. It was another town 5 minutes down the road south called Makanda. Carbondale simply had the roads and infrastructure to handle tens of thousands of visitors. We parked at this one property that was at the line that charged $20 a car. A lot of people came by and asked me to either take photos of my car or look through my telescope. I would only refuse rude people, but thankfully not a single person there was rude at all! Everyone who wanted to see through the telescope or take photos of my car were allowed. I didnt bother to take any direct photos of the totality, because it only lasted a couple of minutes and I didnt want to fiddle with my smartphone.
I did try to take one through the telescope but I didn’t bother too much with it. I had a very powerful solar filter on that thing. I bought it years ago with the expectation that I would use it for this event. Even went as far as to email the manufacturer to make sure it was safe for eclipses before I bought it.
The projection thing actually works! Everything is amazing. Totality was indescribable. Every photo youve seen is a lie. Cameras can’t capture the real thing of this massive thing in the sky. I don’t know how to explain it. The broad streaks coming out of the sun, the smaller ones coming from every angle, its much much much bigger than I had anticipated. It’s everything all at once. My heart was racing, my breathing was heavy, the emotion I felt was one I had never felt before and I doubt I would ever feel that again. Years of planning only to have every aspect of it change at the last minute and everything turning out amazing anyway was just too much. I can’t even imagine adding crippling fear to the experience as our ancestors felt to what I experienced.
But I felt like, I got why they did it. This thing is happening. We know now why and how, but they didn’t. Timmy had to go. It was to appease the gods. You’re standing there looking at it with your own eyes and it doesn’t look real. It’s not like anything you’ve ever seen. It’s actually, physically, the biggest thing I’ve ever witnessed. There’s nothing else bigger. It’s everything all at once. And most of all, there’s not a god damn thing you can do about it. You have no power over this. You can’t cause it, stop it, slow it down, speed it up, you can’t do anything about this thing hanging in the sky. All you can do is look at it. It’s terrifying. It’s amazing. It’s bigger than you.
The sun. The moon. Me. The Earth. All of us lined up for two minutes and fourty seconds.
And then it was over. I put on my glasses over my regular glasses and looked at the sun now emerging from behind the moon. The 360º dusk was gone and now it was daylight again.
After the moon left the sun we began our way back home. A 5 hour drive took 13. There was so much traffic. It was beautiful to see the long string of red tail lights stretching for miles ahead of me. Because I knew, every single one of those people were driving away with the same sights and memories as I did. We all saw the eclipse.
If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits 88 miles per hour… you’re gonna see some serious shit.
October 19, 1982
On October 19, 1982, the automaker John Z. DeLorean is arrested and charged with conspiracy to obtain and distribute 55 pounds of cocaine. DeLorean was acquitted of the drug charges in August 1984, but his legal woes were only beginning. He soon went on trial for fraud and over the next two decades was forced to pay millions of dollars to creditors and lawyers. Nevertheless, DeLorean occupies an important place in automotive history: Thanks to its starring role in the 1985 film “Back to the Future,” his gull-wing sports car is one of the most famous cars in the world.
DeLorean grew up in Detroit and began to work for Chrysler while he was still in college. His career was a promising one: He worked his way up the corporate ladder at General Motors, where he is credited with designing the GTO and the Firebird, and became a vice-president in 1972, but he left the company just a year later to pursue his own business interests. In 1978, he started the DeLorean Motor Company in Northern Ireland—the British government, along with investors like Johnny Carson and Sammy Davis, Jr., paid the bulk of his start-up costs—to build his dream car: the DMC-12, a sports car that was like nothing anyone had ever seen before. Its stainless-steel body was unpainted; its doors opened up, not out; it had a 130-hp Renault engine and could go from zero to 60 mph in eight seconds.
But not many people actually bought a DeLorean car. They were much too expensive: Each one cost $25,000, compared with $10,000 for the average car and $18,000 for a souped-up Corvette. The company’s financial trouble, DeLorean’s attorneys argued, was the reason the FBI had been able to entrap him in the $24 million drug deal–the authorities knew he would do anything to save his business.
DeLorean was already mired in legal problems by the time director Steven Spielberg chose a DMC–12 to serve as Marty McFly’s time machine in “Back to the Future.” Spielberg had originally planned to use an old refrigerator instead of a car, but had changed his mind at the last minute. (The director liked the DeLorean’s futuristic look, but more than that he was worried that young fans of the movie might accidentally get stuck in refrigerators and freezers while playing make-believe.) While the DeLorean’s instant celebrity did not do much to revive its creator’s fortunes, it granted him a permanent footnote in pop-culture history.
“Yep,” Sam said, showing you the brown paper bag he was carrying. “We got the popcorn–,”
“The drinks,” Dean put in, raising the two six pack of beers he had in each hand. He flashed you a self-satisfied smile when you gave him a thumbs-up in approval.
Ignoring his brother’s interruption, Sam went on saying, “–the Kit Kats, the pecan pie, and that crap Dean calls food.”
“Dude, licorice’s not crap,” Dean replied, rolling his eyes. “We’ve been through this, it’s classic movie–”
A thunderous crash had you three stop dead on your tracks and looking to your right towards the source of the commotion. Sam and Dean protectively moved in front of you, blocking the view of the car that had crashed into a pair of trash bins.
You walked around the brothers–bewildered with the scene before them–to have a better look, only to be equally stunned as your eyes landed on the tracks of fire left by the crashed vehicle.
“Um, guys,” you began, “is it just me or is that…”
“A silver DeLorean with fire tracks behind it?” Dean finished for you, disbelief and confusion visible in his eyes. He turned to look at Sam, who shrugged. “What the–”
“We made it, Doc!” A male voice shouted from within the car. “The future’s safe again!”
The passenger’s door was opened and from it popped an old man’s head, his hair white and windblown. “Great Scott! It does look like it.”
Before you knew it, the old man with shaggy hair was addressing you. “Hey, you standing there. Please tell me today’s date is the twenty-first of October of two thousand fifteen.”
Some say that the face is all that matters. I can’t stop thinking about that famous phrase whenever I stare at an Alpine. Whether you think its front is too cluttered or uniquely perfect, it most definitely has an interesting face to say the least.
The Delorean wasn’t the only Renault powered sports car with the engine stuffed in a not so conventional place. This alpine is rear engine’d, and besides you gotta love that shade of teal.
You’d think traveling universes would require more power than time travel, but it was always the same speed to get wherever and whenever you needed. However, the DeLorean’s new feature was still in a beta phase, and it made everything else go out of hand.
Marty McFly never knew where he would end up if these experiments didn’t work. It could be a different year or place. More often it was both.
This time it looked like he ended up in a desert area, in the middle of what was maybe a small town. The only reason Marty thought that is because he was heading towards a building.
“Holy shit–!” he cried, attempting to make a hard right turn away from the structure. The car skidded, only to be stopped by the building itself. It crashed linear to the wall on the drivers side. All the icy DeLorean received in the aftermath was a shattered window and some denting, but the impact left an unconscious teenager behind the wheel.
It was difficult to keep friendships alive when living in a different country, let alone a different timeline, but Q and Marty had managed to make it work. Somehow. They’d usually organise it in advance when Marty would come to Q again, making sure enough time for Marty passed too so he didn’t fuck his age up.
When Marty arrived, he was certain he’d got the right date, he’d written it down and everything. But when he knocked on Q’s door, somebody else answered. When he asked where the last tenant went, the person replied that they didn’t know. He tried to phone Q about ten times but no reply; it was around the third phone call that Marty was beginning to panic. He had half a mind to go to MI6 headquarters and ask what was going on, but he was pretty sure that was a stupid idea. Q was the only thing keeping MI6 from taking the Delorean and Marty with it and if he was now indeed gone, asking them for help would only cause more trouble.
It was around one in the morning that, after a day of worrying and calling, Marty fell into an uneasy sleep in the Delorean. It was around three in the morning when he was rudely awoken by the sound of the passenger door being opened and Q sat in the car and closed the door, like he hadn’t been missing all day.
“Q!” Marty grabbed the man and pulled him into a tight hug, “where the hell have you been, man?!” he pulled away from the hug and punched his arm, his smile replaced with a scowl, “what’s going on?! I thought you were dead!”