in my pocket please

friends, pleeeease give your congresspeople a call about the aca this morning. the house is expected to vote on the replace/repeal plan today, so this is super urgent. you can use my script if you want:

“Hi, my name is <your name>. I’m a constituent from <your city>. I’m worried about the millions of Americans insured under the ACA if the repeal and replace legislation passes. According to the CBO’s estimate, the number of uninsured Americans will grow and out-of-pocket costs will rise. Please pass my concerns along to the <senator/representative> and urge <him/her> to vote no on the repeal and replace legislation. Thank you for taking my call.”

it will take you one minute & you might not even have to talk to a person (i just got the answering machine at ron johnson’s office). this is particularly important if you have republicans representing you; there are a lot of them who are on the fence about this legislation & they need to know what their constituents think.

 “hi welcome to mcdonalds what can i get for you?”

“yeah can i get a deluxe quarter pounder with cheese?”

“absolutely, do you want the meal or just the sandwich?’

“uuuuuh hold on”

*fishes something out of my pocket*

“mikey what do i do?”

“get the fries. youll need the energy in the coming days”

*stuffs it back in my pocket*

“uhh yes please  the meal would be great”

3

my half of a trade with @yowulf ! it’s her adorable dog Noodle :>

gosh tho aint photographing black things just the pits? i apologize for the weird textured background, but it was the only thing that would keep the picture from turning into a blurry dog shaped Item on a blown out white background ;n; sometime i’ll invest in a good black photo cube or something, i sorely need it! 

Imagine:

Able to make him do his killer smile

FEELING UNFOCUSED?

  • Pomodoro Timer, Simple Pomodoro | It is hard to get in the right mood to study sometimes, so splitting your reision time in 25 minutes increments (with a five minutes break between each session) makes it a lot less daunting.
  • Forest | If you’re constantly distracted by your smartphone, this application is good as it grows a tree every time your phone is left untouched — and it kills one once you access another application. At the end of a productive day, you’ll have a beautiful forest to track your progress and encourage more study sessions!
  • Coffitivity | If the sound of a coffeehouse is what keeps you focused, this application mimics the noises   even if you’re not able to go to one.

FEELING UNPRODUCTIVE?

  • Cram, Quizlet | Simple flashcard applications that also has a website, so you can access your flashcards on both your phone and computer!
  • SolCalendar | A handy little calendar application to keep track of your important deadlines and events, so you never end up handing homework in late!
  • Keep | My personal choice for a to-do application. Note down little remainders and things to accomplish throughout the day, and access them online once the day is over! The best feeling is ticking things you’ve done, and feeling like you’ve done a lot… even if you haven’t!
  • Pocket | It’s okay if you’re feeling unproductive. Sometimes, it just happens. But, save some articles or academic journals onto Pocket so you can read it offline, once you do feel more inclined to study!

FEELING STRESSED?

  • Colorfy | Adult colouring books are really in these days, so here’s a portable colouring book if you’re feeling a little down, or just bored.
  • White Noise | Take a good rest  — you deserve it! And, maybe, you might need a little help to get sustained sleep.
Witches When Faced with an Antagonist

New Witch: I’ll do a spell to make them go away. First I need twelve candles, three kinds of crystals, five different herbs, and when’s the next full moon?

Intermediate Witch: Eh, how’s one candle and a mushroom I found in my pocket for a curse? It goes “I hate you please die.”

Experienced Witch: Probably faster just to tell them to fuck off.

I NEED HELP

OK so my dad owes me $100 because he lost a bet. He refuses to pay me. Here’s what happened.

He came home from work and said “OLIVIA I’ll give you ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS if you guess whats in my pocket!!!”

And I said “Okay.. keys.”

He said “WRONG it was OYSTERS!” and showed me his oysters. 

I said “Really? If you empty your pockets RIGHT NOW there won’t be ANY keys?

And then he physically ran away from me, in what I can assume was an attempt to remove the keys from his pocket. As he ran I could literally hear the keys jingling.

Now he claims that there weren’t any keys and even if there were the answer was oysters so I was still wrong, even though he never specified any pocket. PLEASE reblog this to expose my father and provide a jury of peers to rule him guilty. Thank you. 

Pick up lines: Dean Winchester

I was sat in a bar, a few minutes away from my motel. I usually went to a bar after a rough hunt and today was no different. I had to take out an entire vamp nest, alone. My partner had decided it would be fun to run off for the day, when they knew I had a hunt. Whatever.

“What can I get you, hun?” the bartender asked, as he stood in front of me.

“Beer please.” I sigh, grabbing some notes from my pocket.

“You sure, hun?” He asked.

“I’m sure, and please stop calling me hun.” I sigh, watching him walk away and come back with my drink, a few moments later.

“Thanks.” I mutter, handing him some cash, which he gladly accepted.

-X-

“Are you from Tennesse? Because you are the only ten, I see.” A guy, with green eyes, a leather jacket and some worn jeans, winks as he sits beside me. I raise my eyebrow slightly.

“That has got to be the lamest pick up line in existence.” I laugh, taking a sip of my beer.

“Don’t worry, that’s just plan A.” He smirks, turning to face me.

“So, what’s plan B?” I ask, curiously.

“To take you hostage.” He says, causing us both to laugh.

“I’m Dean. Dean Winchester.” He smiles, holding out his hand. Winchester?

“I’m (first name). (full name).” I smile, shaking his hand.

“So, what’s a pretty girl like you, doing at a bar alone?” He winks, making me shake my hand.

“That’s not gonna work.” I laugh, making him laugh.

“Damn, I wanted you in my room.” He smirks. I playfully hit him, then I realise where I know his name from.

“Winchester, did you say?” I ask, just to confirm. He nods.

“John WInchesters, kid?” I ask.

“Uh-yeah, are you a hunter?” He asks, rubbing the back of his neck. I do the same.

“Yeah.” I pause, looking at him.

“Well, that makes you more irrestible.” He laughs, attempting to change the conversation.

“For god sake.”  I laugh.

A few seconds later, a guy with long hair waks up to us.

“Oh-hey Sammy.” Dean nods, taking a mouthful of his drink.

“Are you done trying to talk to this girl, because I’m about to leave. I think I found another-” He begins, but stops himself before he can say, what I guess to be, case.

“Yeah, what case?” Dean laughs, taking another gulp.

“Dean!” the man, who I assume to be Sam Winchester, says obviously thinking he may have just gave away their secret.

“It’s fine Sammy, they’re a hunter.” He says, before finally finishing off his drink.

“Oh hey.” Sam smiles.

“I’m Sam.” He says, holding out his hand the same way Dean did.

“Y/N” I smile, shaking his hand.

“Well, i’m going to go, since I obviously failed. Unless you want to take me up on the offer?” He winked, making me shake my head.

“I’m good.” I laughed, taking a mouthful of beer.

“Your loss.” He laughs, to which I shrug.

“Come on, Sammy.” He chuckles, before bidding me a goodbye.

As I look down at the bar to place money down, I spot a note.

We should actually hunt together some time

Call me…

212-479-7990

Dean ;)

Please fire me. I was almost fired recently when my boss found out I carried a two inch pocket knife on me at work. Then just yesterday she was gloating and showing off the can of mace she carries with her.