in love with this picture i mean look at jake bro

Homestuck Beach Headcanons

John: hot sand hot sand hot sand *makes it to the water* cold water cold water cold water (this goes on for like an hour before he settles finally). Brought one of those fake shark fins and straps it to the top of his head. He fools no one. Brought approximately 53 kites and loses All of them because Dave said “hey I bet your kites can’t hold up against your windy thing”. He was right. Tells Karkat that the ocean speaks to ppl through conch shells, he holds one up to his ear, nods, “sorry Karkat, the ocean says you’re an idiot”. Karkat is horrified and John is dying trying to keep a straight face.

Dave: has a SBAHJ swimsuit and a SBAHJ surfboard. Challenges Jade to a surf-off. “Are you sure, Dave? I’ve had a lot of practice and it’s not as easy as it looks! I’ve got it, Dave reassures her. How difficult can it be. She warned u, bro. She warned u about the surf. He does not get back in the water. Fills a bucket with crabs of various shapes and sizes throughout the day, at the end he calls Karkat over to where he’s standing by the waters edge. Hey. Hey Karkat. Look what I found. He pours the crabs out at Karkat’s feet. Karkat looks unsettled. Dave. Where did you even find all these crabs Dave. They’re your children Karkat. I did this for you.

Jade: spends the whole day in the water and also she is a surf goddess did I mention that? Doesn’t put any sunscreen in and everyone is concerned but she barely even tans. After getting out of the water she does the Wet Doggo Shake™ Jade can u pls just warn us before u do that pls you’re getting us all soaking wet. Smells suspiciously like wet dog but everyone is too polite to point it out. Helps Dave collect his crabs bc she has an uncanny knack for finding them (she’s sniffing them out with her doggy nose but doesn’t tell Dave bc she wants to show off).

Rose: builds sand castles with Kanaya bc Kanaya is deadass terrified of the ocean. They surpass sandcastle tbh it’s more like a sand palace. Rose found a bunch of nice purpley shells to decorate with and also some rocks that look suspiciously arcane and vaguely powerful. High tide somehow wipes out the group’s chairs but doesn’t touch the sandcastle. Hm. Chastises Dave for building dicks out of the sand. Is there something you’d like to tell us, Dave? *Dave sweating* what’s a penis I don’t even know anyone named Karkat. Rose smiles innocently. Of course not. Throughout the day, Rose brings water for Kanaya to drink and also to dump on her so she can regulate her body temperature. Since she’s a cold-blood her body temp is lower so she overheats v easily.

Kanaya: is deadass terrified of the ocean. Does the detail work on the castle she and Rose are making, carves out little stairs and turrets and makes flags out of spare ribbon she keeps in her bag. It’s beautiful. She cries at the end of the day when they have to leave it even though they’ve taken lots of pictures. . Karkat comes up to her with a conch shell and holds it out to Kanaya, “john told me the ocean said I was an idiot Kanaya what is it saying I can’t hear anything” She takes the conch shell and listens. Mmhm. Yes. Oh My. “What did it say???” It Was Really Quite Rude, I Shouldn’t Repeat It. Karkat is about to cry. Kanaya and Rose secretly fist bump.

Karkat: oh boy this has really been A Day for him. He’s nervous around the ocean already but apparently it thinks he’s an idiot??? He loves the crabs they remind him of his lusus, it was slightly horrifying that Dave put a bunch of them in a bucket for obvious reasons. Wants to be buried in the sand, Jake helps him dig a big hole and he and Dave and Dirk all work together to make it big enough and fill it in afterwards. Dave writes “im gay” underneath Karkat’s head poking out and Karkat yells at him for taking pictures. Sollux falls asleep on his towel and Karkat writes “beefucker” on his forehead.

Terezi: before they got there everyone told Terezi not to lick the sand. Guess what she did. Also, accidentally popped the beach ball with her teeth because she was licking it. There’s a theme here can u find it. Is in the water a lot because Vriska is desperately trying to regulate her body temperature and has v little energy to say mean things which everyone is grateful for. To make her feel better, Terezi engages in wildly uncreative insults that Vriska can easily latch onto without having to put much energy in. “Hey Terezi is the water cold?” I don’t know john, is your FACE cold? “Terezi that doesn’t even make any sense”, your face doesn’t make any sense! She cackles as if this is some High Brow Humor every single time.

Jake: has an irrational fear of seagulls, they keep coming for his food and that makes him nervous because the monsters on his island were one thing but this? This sly and wily creature? Dirk is like,,,buddy,,,it’s just a seagull? It’s just a bird? “They’re eating my fries, Dirk, I won’t stand for it!” Jake has a little ukulele that he knows like five songs on, he sits outside by the boardwalk and just strums it sometimes after dark. One night, two little kids come by and give him 6 dollars in crumpled singles for his playing and he started crying he was so touched.

Jane: is having the TIME of her life, and is also the Mom friend. She’s simultaneously kicking ass at beach volleyball and reminding everyone to put on their sunscreen and reapply every two hours please! She’s also having a good time experimenting with cooking seafood some nights, though once she made the mistake of bringing in crab and Karkat did Not take it well. It took an hour to calm him down. Jane felt awful and made it up to him by buying him a nice hoodie w a happy crab on it. Bought a cute little blue boogie board and hangs out with Jade and Roxy in the water, she’s not very good at it but she likes swimming around a little.

Dirk: he’s that one friend that goes way too hard in casual games tbh. Like, they’re just playing a friendly game of volleyball Dirk can you please stop spiking it every five seconds. The grind never stops, Roxy, don’t hate the player hate the grind. Jane looked at him w so much disappointment in her eyes after he said it that he felt the force of her stare physically and had to take a step back. Tries to show Jake that seagulls aren’t scary by feeding them, but they start attacking him for his fries which does not help prove his point at all.

Roxy: “the babe” Lalonde has been ready for a beach trip her entire life. She is checking out the lifeguards, she’s checking out the other gals and dudes strolling about the beach, she’s got her best friends with her, what more could she want??? She buys a cutesy pink surfboard and Dave makes fun of her for it and she smiles sweetly. Oh sorry Dave? I forgot you were so good at surfing?? No one knows how or when Roxy learned to hang ten but THERE SHE GOES. She finds a lot of pretty shells and rocks and sand dollars and is just enthusiastic about everything tbh. She brightens everyone’s mood always.

Calliope: cherubs can’t float so Roxy’s overprotective ass won’t let her near the water unless someone is with her and making sure she’s safe. This is Fine with calliope bc that means that she’s never alone and therefore she’s never lonely and really that’s all she’s ever wanted so!! She’s v content to watch Jade and Roxy surf, she will sit w Jane sometimes when she isn’t in the water. She also likes digging for sand crabs with Karkat bc she likes their little legs. She wants to dig deep enough to find a lobster and no one has the heart to tell her that’s not how it works.

Sollux: this idiot. This boy. My sweet sweet son. Makes the horrible mistake of falling asleep on his towel. He was underneath the big umbrella when he started, but as the sun moves and he’s not putting on more sunscreen?? John, Dave, and Karkat take it upon themselves to not only write “beefucker” on his forehead, but also draw dicks on his whole body in sunscreen so he burns (trolls turn a darker shade of their blood color) and ends up with these pale gray dicks surrounded by a horrible dark, mustardy burn.

Kind and Goofy

I thank (and blame) @pixletta for this. This is based on a short story they gave me and I just- 

ENJOY

Au where your world is black and white until you kiss your soulmate


Jeremy had always thought of his life as simple. For years he only had to focus on three things: his music loving best friend, his obnoxious teenage bully and the love of his life - the main ingredients for a teenage boy. He had grown used to the black and white surroundings he had grown up in. However this all changed when he got the Squip. 

 The little computer in his head was adamant on him becoming more than his nerdy persona. He insulted him, manipulated him into getting what he wanted and soon Jeremy found himself rising above his ranks. He was talking to the popular kids, he was wearing more fashionable clothing and his once teenage bully was not practically his best friend. All he wanted now was her - his soulmate.

But apparently, that was too much to ask. 

 "What do you mean it might not be Christine?“ Jeremy questioned his Squip out loud in his bedroom where no one else could hear. His dad had gone out to get groceries (thankfully with pants) so the house was his for the time being. 

 "I’m saying,” the CPU stated, taking his physical form over to the end of the bed, “that soulmates are not the result of science, therefore I am unable to calculate who the particular human will be, given that there are roughly 7,500,000,000 people roaming the Earth at this given moment. It is very unlikely that your soulmate is Christine." 

 "But it has to be!” Jeremy interjected. “Soulmates have a bond, and I can feel that bond between us." 

 "You don’t even know her Jeremy.”

 "I don’t need to! When I close my eyes, I can picture us together, and we’re happy. Whenever I see her, I just want to kiss her and tell her how much I love her. I want her to tell me how much she needs me… I want to know that I’m her favourite person.“ Jeremy was soon lost in his own daydream and failed to notice that the Squip had suddenly taken interest. 

Keep reading

Be More Chill Beach Day Headcanons

-Turns out Jake has a mom van, so everyone and yes I mean everyone rides in with their stuff uncomfortably in their laps

- rich is almost certain that if you find an empty life guard chair it’s free reign, hes also almost certain that sometimes to get the life guard chair empty you have to intervene

-Michael brought an entire cooler of just sodas that only he can have. Jeremy is allowed to have 2 and only 2, no mountain dew for jeremy too

-Michael decks it out with an umbrella, beach chair, and ds, and puts only his legs in the sun

-Jeremy and Jake both rock crop-tops together and who’s gonna fucking stop them

-Christine runs around and collect sea shells, she also brings back smooth rock’s for Michael

- Jake was scared to touch the water cause it’s cold so rich fucking picked him up and threw him in .

- rich: FOR THE PEOPLE *faceplants in water*

- Chloe and brooke wear a cute romper and swim suit cover ups and walk along the beach together

- Chloe complains that the beach is cold and gross and stupid but then doesn’t wanna leave

-Michael hates the texture of sand on his feet so he stays on a little island the whole time, leaving only to draw in the wet sand

-Jeremy ran into one of those four wheelers by accident and the driver chased him down the beach

- Jenna live tweets the entire adventure and a lot of it is key smashing and random out of context quotes

- Jake quietly wonders if hed be hotter if he became a life guard

- rich reassures him “nah bro look at you, you’ve already got it all. These beach dude don’t deserve you” “wow bro you’re so right..”

-Christine gets super happy with all the footprints she’s made on the beach

-“HOLY FUCK IT’S A PLANE WITH A BANNER” “GEICO I LOVE YOU!!”

- Jeremy just kinda sits in the really shallow areas and let’s the waves wash over him and digs his feet in cuz he loves the feeling of the waves pulling the sand away.

-Christine rocking a cute summer dress? Uhm yes

- Jenna has the bomb ass sun hat’s and giant thin frame shades

-jake almost got pulled out to sea but he’s fine probably

- rich, staring down blankly at the water: so many kids and fish have peed here…well time to join them

-“rich don’t you dare” is said a lot

-when the sun sets they all sneak back on with beers, christine is now designated driver

-“FUCK SCHOOL *dumps backpack into ocean*” “nonoNOPOLLUTION IS SO BAD”

- chrstine saw Jeremy sitting alone and made him a crown out of seaweed

-brooke got Attacked by a crab

-“NO ONE HURTS OUR FRIEND” “YEAH GO FUCK YOURSELF *throws rock into ocean*”

-jenna was taking a photo of a seagull when it swooped down and took her phone away, the proceeded to drop it in the ocean.

-brooke brought a bag full of candy and she ate the whole thing during the trip

-good for Chloe cuz now her kisses taste like cherry lollipop

-jenna brought a wireless speaker and there’s either Jams or memes playing there’s no in between

- chrisine took an adorable picture of them all sleeping in the car, she will use this against them in the future.

How You Met

Preference #1

Zach:

Your older sister, Ayla, had been complaining that she doesn’t spend much time with you. You were 16 years old, who was taking junior and senior classes to graduate 2 years early. To say you were smart is an understatement. You never were the type of girl who went to parties, drinks, smokes, sneaks out- never. If anything you were scared of that life. Finally, when you finished your classes and had successfully graduated early, you went and stayed with your sister in L.A.

“Y/N!” You heard your name being shouted and a waving hand just barely above everyone’s heads. You had just landed in LAX and was looking for your sister. Just like your sister, you were short. You beat your sister in height by an inch and a half. Which you bragged about a lot.

“Ayla!” You shrieked and ran towards her. She met you halfway, pulling each other into a tight embrace. You saw her at your graduation but since you were busy greeting and taking pictures with many and many other family members, you didn’t get to spend much time with her.

“Guys remember how I said Ayla’s younger sister, Y/N, is coming into town. Well, last time we saw her, Ayla left her in my apartment with Kong. And we’ve never compared them to each other. But look! Y/N is taller than Ayla! ” Logan exclaimed, talking to the Logangsters.

“Logan, good to see you again!” You shrieked jumping into his arms, wrapping your short arms and legs around him.

“Koala! It’s good to see you again! Hows the graduated life! Guys This girl is so smart- you have no idea! She’s 16 and she just graduated from high school like a month ago!” Logan yelled into his camera, making a scene. A tall guy, yelling into a camera with a short girl hanging onto his body like a koala, odd picture to see.

When you three made it to Logan’s purple charger you called dibs on shotgun. Seeing as you are taller.

You were busy taking in the big city to realize that Logan was talking up a band and that you were all going over to their place. When you arrived you were distracted by the huge house and amazing view. You didn’t even realize Logan and group of 5 guys talking and laughing until Ayla handed you Logans puppy, Kong.

“I gotta use the bathroom real quick, do not let the boys take Kong.” She warned you.

“Hey, Y/N! Come here. I want to introduce you to someone.” Logan said from a patio couch.

“Yeah?” You asked sitting next to him petting the puppy in your arms.

“Y/N this is Zach, Zach this is Y/N. You are both 16 and single.” Logan said running off to the four other guys.

“Heh, hi,” Zach said shyly. His cheeks turning a slight shade of red.

“Hi.” You said finally looking him in the eyes. Your eyes locked and legitimately lost your breath.

“Can I get your number before you leave?” He asked after a moment of just looking at each other.

“Yeah, of course.” You smiled at him, which he returned.

Jack:

You were at a skate park in L.A. That your best friend and boyfriend dragged you to. You were dating the quarterback of the football team from your school. He was very cocky and jockey. But before that, he was a sweet nerd who put you first. The only reason you were you still together was that you didn’t want to throw five years of your relationship away. You loved him but you weren’t in love with him. You cared deeply for him but you can’t see the same future with him anymore. He loves you but to his friends, you’re his ‘ball and chain’. He wants a future with you but only if you’re okay with an open relationship. He cheats on you at least three times a month. But his friends cover it up for him. And you never suspected a thing.

“Y/N since you’re here you should learn to skate.” Your best friend said. She was into skating as much as your boyfriend. You were glad they got along but you didn’t know just how great they got along.

“I’m gonna fall on my face. And you know it.” You said laughing, but still getting up off the ground. You weren’t the type to wear heels to school. You were a jeans, converse and nice top kind of gal.

You stood up on the board already feeling like your falling. You steadied yourself as you mimicked your best friends actions. After hours and hours of going short distances, you finally started to get the hang of it. You had Y/B/F go ahead as you went your pace. You were just cruising around all the obstacles when you had a board to board collision with another skater. You fell on your ass and he did too.

“Oh sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was skating.” You said laughing at yourself. Looking over to who you crashed with. He had the best top ramen looking hair ever.

“Oh no, it’s okay. I wasn’t either.” He said laughing.

Oh my goodness, his laugh sounds like angels singing in my ears. You thought.

“You skate?” The noodle headed boy asked you.

“Uh, no not really. I’m just started to learn.” You laughed at yourself.

“I’m Jack.” He said holding out his hand for you to shake. You firmly shook his hand but didn’t let go. You two were still sitting on the ground with your boards between you two, at your feet.

“Here let me help you up.” He said getting up and pulling you with him.

“Thanks.” You were mesmerized by his hair, eyes, smile- his appearance in general.

He waited, standing there with his skate board at his feet and his hand in your hand, waiting for you to introduce yourself. But he didn’t mind holding your hand. He smiled patiently.

“Uh sorry. I’m Y/N.” you introduced yourself after coming back into reality.

“Y/N suits you.” He said smiling at your confused expression

“What do you mean by that?”

“Pretty name for a pretty girl.” He simply said not letting go, which you didn’t mind.

Daniel:

You were best friends with Logan and Jake Paul but when shit started to go south with Jake and Alissa, you Usian bolt and run. You moved out of the Team 10 house and moved in with Logan because you were on Alissa’s side on this. Jake didn’t like that you left the house but, you were only there because he asked you to move in as his best friend. But over the months of Team 10 developing he turned into some fake, click bait, hater. You didn’t like who he turned into, you wanted the guy he used to be. Then shit started happening on twitter, he said that he kicked you out and Alissa left and that you were both talking shit on twitter and Instagram. You didn’t have a YouTube channel. You never really bothered with one because you were afraid you were gonna turn into some arrogant ass-butt.

You moved in with Logan and Mark around the time Jake came out with the It’s Everyday Bro song. In the song, he called out you, Alissa and so many other people. You were pissed when the song came out. You had the idea of making The Fall of Jake Paul. Logan wanted to do that song too but he wanted his boys, Why Don’t We, in the diss track because Jake dissed them somewhere, you didn’t really pay attention to the band because of the recent 411.

You were sitting on a love sac, in the middle of a fight over text with Jake. He was pleading to not make the song he thinks you’re making.

“Stupid ass-butt.” You muttered, tossing your phone to another loves farther away. You close your eyes, you were so frustrated with everything that Jake started. You were too focused on your breathing to notice the WDW boys and Logan enter the apartment. When you opened your eyes you were surrounded with 5 very attractive guys and Logan with his vlog camera.

“Making every teenage girl’s dreams come true.” You said looking at all of the guys, they were all smiling down at you. “God, you’re even more attractive when you smile.”

They all laughed at your comment and sat down around you.

“Y/N these are the boys. Corbyn, Jack, Jonah, Zach, and Daniel” Logan introduced you to the boys, pointing at each individual. You were so caught up with names and faces that you were so confused.

“Boys, this is my roommate and my old neighbor back in Ohio, Y/N Y/L/N!” He said, pointing towards you. The camera recording everything. A string of heys was said to you.

Then lastly, the boy with the long neck and tooth gap said “Hi” he smiled at you, showing off his tooth gap.

“Hi,” you said, smiling like a school girl at the attractive guy that caught your eye.

“Yes, she’s single,” Logan said right as the rest of the WDW boys said “Yes, he’s single”

“You already know Daniel and Y/N are gonna get together,” Logan whispered to his Vlog camera, catching your attention as well as Daniels.

“What?” You both asked in unison, still smiling.

Corbyn:

You’re two best friends had recently been obsessed with some new boy band. You didn’t share the same music taste as them, usually. But this time this band was pretty good. You didn’t bother looking them up and doing the whole nine yards of fangirling over a new band.

“Y/N! You will never guess what my dad just surprised me with!?” Y/B/F screamed running into your house. She basically lived there, considering her father was a lawyer and spent more time on a plane than anywhere else.

“A car?” You guessed from your spot at the dining table. You were doing your homework eating some left over pizza from the night before. Your parents were on an anniversary trip for the rest of the week. Taking your infant baby brother. And leaving you home alone for at least week. You weren’t complaining. You loved being alone. No curfew, you don’t have to ask to have friends over, to go out, it’s every teenager’s dream.

“No!” She said jumping up and down.

“Just tell me.” You were growing annoyed. Considering she didn’t let you sleep the night before because she was going on and on about her future husband, Jack Avery.

“WHY DONT WE CONCERT TICKETS!” She exclaimed, still jumping.

“Wait, what?! Why? For when? How many tickets?!” You asked smiling. You liked their music. But didn’t know who they were.

“Yeah. He missed my birthday last month, he had that one stalker/ murder case in New York For this weekend. Three tickets with VIP passes.” She answered your questions.

“Awesome! Who else is going? Our infamous gay best friend?!” You asked, sarcastically.

The weekend finally came around and you were ready. You had to ask your parents for this event because well, you weren’t going to be back when they returned. You were the one that drove from Hollywood to San Francisco. The entire way there your best friends played WDW. But you weren’t annoyed. You eventually joined them and belted out the notes and words in the car.

Finally, you guys got to the venue just in time for the meet and greet. You didn’t really know them so you weren’t that excited for the meet and greet. But your friends were.

“Daniel is legit my favorite. He’s the one with a tooth gap. It’s so fucking adorable.” Your gay best friend said trying to look over the many and many of girls in line. After nearly an hour you were next. The limit was two people at a time. Which you were fine with going alone.

“Next!” The guard said. Your friends going up to each of them and hugging them. Taking pictures. You were busy looking around. Taking in your surroundings when the guard spoke again. You walked up to the boys excited and humble.

“Hey” a guy with noodle hair greeted me first. Seeing as he was first in line.

“You’re Jack, right?” You said remembering the little trivia game your friends had you play.

“Yeah! Let me guess you’re the friend that likes the music but doesn’t know the band?” He asked you. You nodded.

“Okay. well, I’m Jack. This is Zach. Then it’s Jonah, Daniel, and last but not least Corbyn. ” he introduced you to the group trying to match names to faces. The last one was distracted by saying bye to your friends. When he turns to the group he saw you with a confused face. Looking at the boys and your lips slightly moving, trying to make a connection of name to a face.

“Oh, you’re the one friend that doesn’t know the band but like the music!” The blonde haired guy said smiling like a doofus.

“Corbyn?”

“That’s my name. What’s yours?” He asked offering his hand for you to shake.

“Y/N,” you said taking his hand in yours. He pulls you into a tight embrace. Your trip on the way and fall into him.

“Awe, she fell for him!” Zach said making everyone laugh, even you. You pulled away from Corbyn, his cheeks and yours a light shade of pink. You took individual photos and then a group photo.

“Okay. Thanks, guys! Good luck out there!” You said walking towards the exit. You felt a tug of your wrist, turning around to face Corbyn.

“Text me after or before the show. I don’t care.” He said handing you a phone case that had their logo with a piece of paper in it with his number. And name.

“It’s Corbyn if you forgot. ”

“I didn’t forget. With a face like that, how can I?” You asked smirking and winking at Corbyn before turning and walking away.

Throughout the entire show, he looked for you and just stared at you. Singing and dancing around, he’d look for your face and he’d smile brighter. He even got so distracted he forgot his lines. Making you laugh, as well as his band mates.

Jonah:

You sitting in a Starbucks drinking your third cup of iced coffee, laptop opened in front of you and books upon books around you. You were interning for Atlantic Records. And it was fun but the paperwork was stressful. And if you even missed one day. The pile triples in size. You were stressed but you loved doing what you were doing. At the moment you listening to a new bands ep. You had to give your honest opinion on the songs and the band in general.

You’ve gone through at least a months worth of paperwork and you were beginning to feel a headache. You went up to the counter and ordered a water instead of coffee.

Hours later you finally decided it was time to leave. As you packed your stuff up you saw a group of three guys walk in. You realized that the three were guys who walked in was Daniel Seavey, Zach Herron, and Jack Avery. Three out of five members of a new band, Why Don’t We. You walked up to them ready to speak but forgot what you were gonna say.

“You guys are members of Why Don’t We, correct?” You asked, just wanting to make 100% sure.

“Yeah. How did you know? We aren’t officially official yet.” Jack Avery said.

“I’m interning at Atlantic Records. Your song Taking You is my favorite. I actually was the one that basically vouched for you guys to be signed to Atlantic Records.” You sounded so formal and business like but on the inside, you were hardcore fangirling.

“What? No way! You like us that much? You’ve never met us before?” Zach said, astonished that one of the main reasons the band is because of the girl standing in front of them.

“Yeah. I know. All I needed to do was listen to your guys’ tape to know you’re gonna dent the world. I could not be any more happy and proud of you guys.” You praised them. They each hugged you.

“Hey, why don’t you come over and we can have a great celebration dinner? Our parents just got us a house and they are making a dinner to celebrate getting signed.” Daniel said, you thought about it and why the hell not.

“Yeah sure. I want to meet the rest of you!” You said. Excited for the dinner.

“Great! Why don’t I pick you around 5? Dinner is at 7. That’s a good amount of time to get to know us, right?” Daniel suggested. You nodded with a toothy grin.

Later that night you received a text from your supervisor inviting you to the dinner because you had been their #1 supporter since day one. You let him know that the boys themselves invited you to go. And he thought it was a great idea. You were dressed casual but formal. You wore leggings, with a nice blouse and booted heels. Light make up with beach wave hair. A knock at the door signifies that Daniel had arrived. You grabbed your phone and purse and opened the door.

“Daniel! Hey!” He hugged you.

“Y/N, hey! Ready?” He asked, smiling showing his tooth gap.

“Yeah let me just get my keys and lock up.” You grabbed your keys and locked the door to your apartment.

As you walked to Daniels car downstairs he and you talked about their families and everyone who was there. You got to know each other as well. Not a second of the ride over was silent or awkward. When you arrived at the WDW boys’ house you were amazed at the view they had. It was beautiful. You followed Daniel into the house as he gave a small house tour going towards where everyone else was, outside. Where the view only got better.

“Hey, parentals! This is the intern that is basically one of the reasons we were signed to Atlantic Records.” Daniel introduced you to the boys’ parents.

“Y/N,” you said shaking each and everyone’s hands.

As the night went on you became more comfortable around them. Except you still have yet to meet Corbyn and Jonah.

You walked up to Corbyn who was getting a refill on his drink.

“Hi, Corbyn, right?” You asked, getting his attention.

“Yeah, that’s me! You must be Y/N! I have heard so much about you. It’s great to meet you too.” He said with a big grin on his face.

“Right back at Ya! I wanted to introduce myself but looks like the three boys already did that for me,” you said laughing.

“It’s okay. Let’s formally introduce us. My names Corbyn!” He said laughing.

“Names Y/N, pleasure meeting you.” You said extending your hand. He pushes your hand to the side and goes in for a hug instead.

“The pleasure is all mine.” You hugged him back.

“Have you met Jonah yet?” He asked pulling apart.

“Haven’t had time. I’ve been passed around like a baton or something. Getting thanked and hugged when you guys did the hard work. I simply listened to your music and fell in love with it.” You said laughing at the end.

“Awe. Thanks. Just so you know, we really are so grateful for the things you’ve done and said about our music. It means a lot.” He said guiding you to Jonah. He tapped a tall guys shoulder, he paused his conversation with Jack and turned to Corbyn.

“Jonah have you met Y/N? She’s that one intern that vouched for us.” Corbyn said, laughing at the end. You looked up to Jonah, eyes locking. It took a while for him to respond.

“No, I haven’t had the chance. Y/N, it’s a great pleasure.” He said extending his hand awkwardly. You giggled at his actions.

“You’re the shy one.” You guessed, mainly because he is the only one that hasn’t hugged you.

“Yeah, I guess I am the shy one.” He scratched the back of his neck, getting nervous.

“It’s okay. It’s cute.” You said taking a chance seeing as the rest of the guys had left for you two to talk.

“You’re cute.” He said putting both of his hands in his front pockets, shifting his weight back and forth on the balls of his feet.

You chuckled. “Smooth.” You said laughing at his reaction.

“Thanks, I really tried not to sound awkward or shy.” He said laughing at himself, taking a step closer to you. You looked up to him again getting lost in his eyes, and him getting lost in yours.

8/16/17

WTF is an Animorph?

Book 1: The Invasion

If this little experiment had a subtitle, it would probably be “never joke about offering to read something that was a touchstone for someone else’s childhood, because sometimes next thing you know you have a gigantic box of 50-odd books in your living room, and a bunch of people on Twitter egging you on to make terrible life choices.”

Which is to say: a few weeks ago I mentioned offhandedly that I do not hold with generational stereotyping nonsense, I love and cherish my millennial friends (who are only very slightly younger than I am, mostly, I’m more or less The Last GenXer born before the generational cutoff), but the one thing that puzzles me about them is how they all have these Deep and Important Feelings about the Animorphs.  Whereas my feelings on the topic are, to date, simply this: WTF IS AN ANIMORPH?

Here is what I know about Animorphs:

  • They are kids (teens?) who can change into animals.  
  • I have a vague sense that they have to have some form of contact with the animal, like, they can’t just morph into any random animal they see a picture of in National Geographic, but I might be wrong about that.
  • The books are about war, or something of the sort?  Something Important and Serious disguised as a children’s book about shapeshifters
  • There are a lot of them
  • They are VERY IMPORTANT to a lot of people I am very fond of.
  • Every time one of these people tries to describe the plot of an Animorphs book to me, it just sounds like they’re fucking with me, and I’m still not sure they’re not.

But now I have a box of Animorphs books, fetched by a friend from her parents’ basement and hand-delivered to me.  And I’ve promised to read and liveblog at least three.  (I’ve made no promises about the rest of this giant box of books. We’ll see how I feel after these three.)

So, here we go.  Let’s launch into book one: The Invasion.  Chapter One recap underneath the cut.

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Hot Damn

Anon asked: 7. I’m drugged up on cough medicine and right now sounds like a gREAT time to tell you how hot you are and pass out in your car.” 8. ^ You passed out in my car because of strong medication and now I have to figure out how to get you home and avoid taking a picture of your cute sleeping face.” –with rich the one high on cold medicine and Jake driving

So here ya go!!

“You know Rich, I love you, but I don’t really like having to get a call from Jeremy to come pick you up from work because you’re too sick to be here.”

Jake was currently staring down at his boyfriend, who had his flushed face against the break room table. He looked up at him lazily, his eyes gliding around as though he wasn’t focusing on a single word Jake had said.

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So this update is a bit hard for me. I came from a somewhat abusive home…the type where when I tell people about it, it freaks them out, but I have trouble calling it abusive because it was weird, y’know? And it’s been a real struggle for me working out what’s normal and what’s abnormal and what’s completely fucked up. Hussie really does this sort of thing really well, describing what it’s like to grow up in a situation like that and what it does to you.

So, that said…Dirk is a great brother. They’re not brothers at all, but the way they interact strikes me as so incredibly sibling. They both had upbringings they can’t really understand, and talking together made it easier to work out what was going on. It’s something that you don’t really get from friends, because their situation is different than yours, but when you’ve got a sibling, they know what it was like, so they can help you understand better, and through that understanding cope with what happened. Even though Dave and Dirk didn’t grow up together, and Dave!Bro never even met Dirk, I get the same vibe from them. 

I guess Dave is a great brother too, but I’m not really focusing on Dirk’s problems because Dave’s are so much more serious, and I care about them a lot more. Like, Dirk has issues, but his issues are with his peers and with himself. Dave is recovering from neglect and abuse.

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anonymous asked:

Oh hello I'd love to hear about your weirdest dream and what you think it meant. Also, do you have Imposter Syndrome regarding Adulting? Because I do. Please send help.

This is a two part question I see!!

DREAM: To your question about dreams – I’ve had a lot of weird ones, and most of them are either game ideas, movie ideas, or comic ideas. One particularly fun one was a dream about waking up in my old childhood home. I walked around and looked at photos of myself as a youth, old toys I had, and the familiar surroundings (mind, it wasn’t actually me, and the home was somewhere I’d never been, but you know, dreams). 

It was your typical white-walled suburban home, rough piled beige carpet, those crappy stucco-like styrofoam bumps on the ceiling panels. The photo leaning on a tiny stand above the barely-used fireplace was of me at age 5, sandwiched into the frame by my two smiling parents’ faces.

I walked out to the wooden front porch, with its faded white paint and my parents were there, in rocking chairs on either side of the door. “Did you sleep well?” they asked. “Not bad,” I said. I leaned on one of the porch’s pillars for a moment, breathing in the fresh air, and watching the scant cars go by beyond the lawns of this suburban neighborhood.

Then I felt something – I looked up to the left. The sun should’ve been there, but there was this curious spot of red. The spot got bigger. And bigger. The red seemed to take everything that wasn’t red away, leaving only itself. It subsumed everything, even the sound. It all happened so fast, I had no time to do anything. But look briefly at my parents, who hadn’t noticed a thing, before we were consumed in red.

Then, blankness for time. Slowly though, I woke up. I was in my old childhood home. The photos were above the mantle. My parents were outside on the porch. It was 5 minutes before I had gone out onto the porch, moments ago. I knew something was going to happen. 5 minutes later, the red consumed everything again, but this time I noticed a bus leaving town, full of identically-dressed people. I noticed the gridlocked highway in the distance. The red consumed it all.

I woke up again. This time I rushed to the porch to tell my parents, “get up! That thing is coming! How are you sitting here?” “What are you talking about?” they said. “Did you sleep okay?”

I went out into the street to try to get someone to listen – but I was the only one who knew it was coming.

When the red reset the world again, or maybe it was me who was resetting, I decided I had to do something. I set straight out to find an exit. To figure out if something was up with that bus. I rushed out into the completely gridlocked highway to see how far I could run on foot before it arrived. Moments before the red was about to arrive, a woman got out of her car. She looked me in the eyes and said “I want to kiss someone before I die again. I guess you’ll do.” She knew what was coming too — 

For the rest of the story, well, I dreamed that much, and I’ll write the rest. I just haven’t yet! I’d like to some day! So when you ask what I think it means, I think it means I want to write more cool stuff.

IMPOSTER: I do not have imposter syndrome for anything! I know you asked about adulting, and frankly there are times when I don’t do so hot, but so long as you continue to be alive without being mean to other people, you’re doing great.

But I want to talk a little bit more about imposter syndrome in general, because people talk about it a lot. I really don’t believe in it, because every single human being is a human being. Think about it! Every famous person, every homeless person, every attractive person you’re scared to go on a date with, they’re all regular human idiots just like you.

Consider Notch, the creator of the game Minecraft. He became a millionaire in a very short time, and he was a kind of isolated nerd in sweden before that happened. Suddenly he couldn’t tell whether people wanted to hang out with him because they thought he was a cool guy, or because he had money, or because he’s a little bit famous, or because they want something. That would be so alienating! 

It’s like… if you had a really cool way of wearing your socks. And you started to get some notice for it because hey, you can do a thing with your socks that other people can’t. But then word gets around a bit, and then you’re just having a conversation with someone your friend introduced you to and they keep caaaaasually glancing down at your ankles.

So yeah, Notch is a prime example of someone who is “just a dude,” and around whom nobody should feel imposter syndrome, and yet they do!

Here’s another example. Once I was at a press event and met Jake Gyllenhaal. I’m just some jackoff who writes about video games, but Gyllenhaal had nobody to talk to, so I went up and started a conversation. We talked for a half hour, during which he asked me questions about my life and what I do. Aside from being briefly confused about my sexuality, I also realized that Gyllenhaal doesn’t get to talk to normal jackoffs who write about video games every day. My life is as foreign to him as his is to me. 

(Here’s a picture of us being best bros forever – this photo was taken right before his publicist said, “Hey, can we PLEASE get a photo of Jake with the iPad that you’re *not* in?” and I said “ha ha, never!!” realizing immediately that it was not funny that I had said that and that she was really mad at me.)

And hey, I realize that side anecdote adds to the thing. That lady wanted me to have imposter syndrome. She wanted me to be a gurgling fan she could embarrass for monopolizing his time. But what she didn’t realize is real human beings can have conversations with any other real human being, so long as they’re both present.

So all I’m saying is, you’re a real human being, and so is everybody else. Nobody has the right to say they’re better than you, and you don’t have the right to tell others you’re worse than they are. Everyone’s a human, just be nice and you’ll be cool.

-Brandon

this post is HIDEOUSLY long, so if you want to reblog it for one or two points, feel free (in fact, i encourage you) to snip out all but the relevant bits.

before i get into the credits animation itself, a couple notes:

  • some people have mentioned this already, but… i wanted to reiterate that in the scene in johns bedroom in the pre-credits, the “camera” (as in: we, the audience) are standing in the exact spot john was on the first page. i dont think the cut to the phone on the bed to transition into the credits ruins this, either, since… john was looking in that direction on the first page! were standing in his shoes, seeing angles of his room that weve never seen, but he has. and, of course, the rest of the flash is using the exact ambient track from homestucks “title page”, and instead of leading john out of his room and out into his lawn we are moving in the inverse. a perfect bookend.
  • ascend is absolutely the perfect track for this animation (i keep wanting to say “flash”, but were not in flash any more, are we? flash doesnt exist any more, if thats even what this was animated in; its called adobe animate now). i loved everything on volume 10, and there were a lot of tracks that would be suited to a traditional credit roll - conclude, renewed return, thanks for playing, even some tracks off older albums like the remaining tracks off symphony impossible to play. but none of them would fit the mood. first off, its kids talking through snapchat, so… obviously an orchestral number isnt going to cut it. dubstep it is. its appropriately epic, but its also feel-good party music. i had a LOT of complaints about the music used for act 7… this one is right on the money.
  • also did you know that the flintstones theme is in ascend? it is true. right around 4:36. a shoutout to silvagunner, presumably. i will say it is absolutely flawlessly incorporated (i didnt notice until it was pointed out to me) and a great spiritual successor to toby fox using the king of the hill theme song in the blind prophet.

the credits themselves:

  • kanaya is actually tearing up holding one of the first grubs. the human kid to the front is definitely a rose/jade baby (roses bangs+hair color, jades everything else), the one to the far right is identical to the jake/roxy baby dirk drew early in act 6, the one to the far left… definitely a strider baby from the face and the sideburns, im gonna say dave/jane bc it kinda looks like her hair. in homestuck hairstyles are genetic
  • oh yeah thats DEFINITELY a rose/jade baby. she even has roses hairband lmao. in homestuck hairstyles are genetic. dave/jane baby is wearing sunglasses too gotta set em up early
  • oh man, new baby. looks like a dirk/roxy baby? The Secret Fifth Strilonde. since they have a seadweller baby & no seadweller ectoslime im assuming this is the product of the matriorb somehow? also LOOK AT KARKAT, HES SMILING, HES TRYING SO HARD TO PRETEND TO BE MAD BUT HE IS SO HAPPY
  • fuck you im going to figure out all of them. the one at the front… could be any combination of john/jake and the strilondes, but im betting its either dirk or dave (not for gay reasons, just look how fuckin sharp that hair is.) its parted like daves but the back looks like dirks… eh i guess it doesnt matter. a couple rows back, im gonna say dirk/i feel like its probably jade fsr? on the right is definitely a roxy baby, probably johns since it has his bangs. next row back, impossible to tell but its definitely one of janes bc of the glasses. second row from the back: a baby with jades bangs+cowlick; a baby with… what looks like a hairband but i cant be sure? and janes bangs, so im banking on jane/rose; a baby with jades hair and square glasses (not necessarily implying incest, just maleness, since Boys Get Square Glasses)…. and in the very back row we have, to the right, what looks like daves hair, and closer to the left what is most DEFINITELY dirks progeny, look at that hair, jesus. no clue who the other parent is.
  • since dave renounced time travelling, im willing to bet this is his first time doing so since collide… and maybe his last time ever.
  • this looks like the scene we saw in act 7.
  • the kids (and presumably the trolls, since karkats in the photo) are ACTUALLY revered as gods.
  • OH THANK GOD THE SPRITES ARE ALIVE. i do… have some questions about the “kingdom”, though. homestuck pretty solidly established the evils of monarchy and the virtues of democracy, right? we dont need any more kings or queens. im betting this is a crystal tokyo situation - wvs monarchy is still in place, but the kids are celebrity figureheads.
  • rose and kanaya are Known Gays so im ASSUMING the juxtaposition is hussie telling us “callioxy is canon” without actually saying so.
  • THEYRE HOLDING HANDS, CONFIRMED
  • what the fuck is happening here? you know what im just going to go ahead and say theyre at pride. consorts are gay.
  • jades face…. jake put down that gun karkats not god tier
  • matt mcconaughcake is well and truly killing me
  • dirk is just as sick of the decapitation joke as we are. look at his posture. this is a “looks at the camera like im on the office” shot
  • absolutely everybody has talked about the rosemarriage so im not going to. look how happy they are, though.
  • i am LOVING calliopes cute little dress. and dads suit. a hat for every occasion
  • as i posted before the tricksters are doing the horah, a jewish folk dance. also, were trickster mode under what i assume is an appropriate situation - its a wedding, youre SUPPOSED to be partying, so obviously this is going over better than in the middle of Hell Death Game. johns trickster mode is old news, but daves looks like a canonization of an old popular fan design. jades nowhere in sight but i assume shes taking the picture. also, beta kids get kirby-style blush stickers rather than cherubian swirls. is… is dirk smiling?
  • so i saw this shot and i wasnt going to comment on it. like its cute, haha, karkat cant fly and hes angry about it, but theres not much to say. until it transferred into the next shot, which is a snap from dirks account, what i can only assume is a direct response to daves snap. and i realized, that what dave had typed in his initial snap was, “bro check it out”, which means, that dave is calling dirk bro now, oh my god, im having an aneurysm
  • OK THIS IS…. obviously this is communicating a lot of character & relationship development from a shot of Dirk Socking Jake In The Face. when last we left off dirk and jake they werent on speaking terms, their relationship had collapsed because dirk was too overbearing and intimidating and jake couldnt handle it and shut down. and we did finally see them talk to each other in the pre-act 7 pages, although we didnt get a sense of what their conversation was about. so we knew they were on speaking terms, but a breakup that rough is obviously gonna leave aftershocks. but here theyre… in a fistfight with each other. what? oh yes. what were seeing isnt just a full reconciliation, were seeing a friendship(?) thats even stronger than it was pre-sburb. dirk and jake arent just getting along well enough to talk to each other - theyre getting along well enough to get in a fistfight with each other. which is what jake wanted all along - a bro to get into friendly fisticuffs with. this is basically confirmed by the next shot - dirk wiped the floor with jake, but jake is having a laugh about it.
    • jesus, theres so much here i gotta go into sub-bullet points. think about what this says about dirk, too - remember his last major conversation in all of homestuck? that long, long, drawn-out, several-dozen-page conversation with dave? where dave told him, point blank and in no uncertain words, that dirks tendency towards aggression and ruthlessness and attraction to conflict hurts people. dirk, at the end of homestuck, is more aware of his flaws than hes ever been, and hes trying to fix himself - which sounds sad, but its not, because its something hes working through with the support of his friends. dirk, who at the end of homestuck was so hyper-aware of his tendency to hurt people that he closed himself off from his friends altogether, is now at peace with himself enough to get in a fistfight with jake - and not go easy on him, either, since jake gets his ass pretty soundly whooped.
    • theres also the englishbot, which… im not sure what to make of it? the only thing i can think of is that the kids havent fought le, and they INTEND to sometime in the future, so dirk and jake put this together for training. but thats… not a very happy ending, and it goes against just about everything else were seeing here: these kids are happy, theyre free, theyre happily living out the rest of the youth sburb stole from them. so i dont believe theyre going to go back and fight le. anyway look at gcatavross smug fuckin face.
  • john likes con air again! we saw him go from a 13-year-old with a wholesome, earnest, and what most would consider embarrassing love for a mediocre 90s action flick, to a moody 15-year-old who was so angry and upset that his nostalgia had inflated the movie to more than it was objectively worth that he had a fucking meltdown over it (granted there were more factors to his emotional episode than con air not being very good - but con air was the trigger)… and now, finally, on his 18th birthday he found love in his heart for it again. it reminds me of a 17-year-old swamp wizard who was so high on homestuck fumes he stayed up all night on 10/25/2011 to watch cascade on a school night and evangelized homestuck to anyone who would listen, who grew up into a 19-year-old college swamp wizard who was increasingly disappointed by the direction of act 6 to the point of dropping his following of new updates entirely, who is now a 22-year-old swamp wizard who is so high on homestuck fumes he stayed up all night on 10/25/2016 on a work night writing a post about homestuck. its relatable, is what im saying. homestuck is con air.
  • JOHN AND ROSE AND DAVE AND JADE ARE ALL IN THE SAME ROOM TOGETHER, AND ALSO, ROSE AND JADE ARE TALKING TO EACH OTHER AS WELL
  • dirk and jade are arguing about anime. i believe this and so it is true.
  • hussie has just GOT to make sure we know that nepeta is dead for good.
  • i feel like i should say something about terezis vriskaquest, but again, thats something that ppl much more invested and knowledgeable in terezi and vriskas respective arcs have written about than me, so ill stick to what i am good at, which is: human kids, and the gays therein
  • ok. this is… is jane the mayor now? (oh, god forbid, is wv dead?) or is this just a mantle shes assuming for the ribbon-cutting ceremony, of what is…
  • HER OWN COMPANY? this is the ultimate resolution of nannas arc… while beta jake ran away and was free to adventure and fuck movie stars and not only amassing a fortune but inheriting the corporation that by all rights should have been janes, jane was stuck (at home, if you will) under the condesces abuse and had to settle for marrying a nice man, having a kid, and opening a little joke shop. she was happy, but it wasnt all she could have been. now jane - different, but the same - gets to helm the corporation that bears the crocker name, wearing a snazzy fuckin suit, and presumably also while being a lesbian. a real boss butch business bitch.
  • which doesnt mean jake doesnt also get to be a cream faced business boy. in fashionable business shorts.
  • JAKE ENGLISH DOES IT AGAIN: REALITY S(TAR?) BILLION(AIRE?) interview etc etc etc. so jake isnt just a rich business mogul but he also has a reality show. i am presuming it is some sort of crocodile hunter deal where he wrestles big animals on television, because the alternative is that he is like donald trump, which is the nightmare timeline. karkat is flipping him off for some reason. he just hates that juicy behind so very much.
  • “jakes ass is on tv again lol” for quote of the century, also, karkat is still angry. dave looks like hes… eating chips? maybe fruit? theres a pixel of green at the top, but maybe thats just a background artifact
  • rose has a new shirt.
  • dirk and jake are together for this shot even though there is ABSOLUTELY no narrative need for the photographer to be jake in particular, weve already clarified that jake and dirk have resolved their issues, like they are the Kings Of Consort Island Or Whatever but surely you could show dirk interacting with someone else; anyway we only have to assume theyre living together since thats what all the other kings & queens are doing which has got me thinking…. its got me thinking…..
  • ive been staring at this shot for a good minute and a half trying to figure out if thats a smile on dirks face or not. its got me thinking
  • THEYRE HUGGING AND ARE 100% CONFIRMED BIG OLE LESBIANS WHO ARE IN LOVE
  • jesus kids youre getting photographed for the newspaper cant you wear something a LITTLE nicer than, like, A TEE SHIRT
  • who is taking this picture.
  • i can tell you this is the exact moment where i started crying for real and a sob heaved out of my horrible body
  • and it only got so much worse here. oh, ive seen it already and AGAIN i am tearing up. jesus god in heaven.
  • ok, i dont actually use snapchat very often (im old.) so i had to google if these emojis mean anything. and they do!
    • baby indicates that caliborn only just added john, probably to dump on him.
    • fire emoji (dave, karkat and jade) indicates that john has snapped back and forth with that person every day for the number of days indicated.
    • pink hearts are best friends - john sends more snaps to dave than anybody else, and dave sends more to john than anybody else.
    • grimace says that… karkat ALSO sends more snaps to dave than he sends to anybody else. because, they are gay and in love.
    • smiles (jade, rose, terezi, roxy, jane) indicate best friends, but not #1.
    • sunglasses (kanaya, dirk) indicates a mutual best friend. (gonna take a SHOT IN THE DARK here and say its probably rose and dave/roxy, respectively.)
    • smirk (jake) indicates… jake is sending john a lot of snaps, but john is not sending very many back. oof.
  • heres your gamzee you tools. exactly where you were told he would be. now please shut up about him forever.
  • ok whats killing me about this is that lil seb is like, waving… hes having a good time…. hes just saying hello
  • ok, what the hammer smash reads as to me is: this is confirmation that john & co. are not going to fight lord english. they are done with his shenanigans. they have found happiness. they are free from sburb, free of any obligations to the alpha timeline or to anyone.

    and english cant come after them! caliborns threat is empty. he cant reach them here - they are, like every act 7 interpretation post ever has said, outside of the narrative. sure, this video is being shown on mspaintadventures.com… but its not being told to us by a narrator. its not inside the “frame” of mspa, not even in an altered way the way act 7 was.

    the medium of snapchat is important because the KIDS are sharing these stories, with each other and with us, the audience! instead of being a voyeuristic party to suffering as controlled by a narrator (first hussie, and then english by way of his control over the alpha timeline), we are invited by these kids to see these moments of happiness in their lives. theyre taking the pictures, theyre writing the commentary. this is all under their control. and caliborn - even though he now has complete control of the narrative of homestuck… is still trapped in that very narrative. the kids are outside it, and they are sharing the world they are making with us.
Daddy 5SOS Preference: Graduation

“I was wondering if you could write one where their kids graduate from college or high school???”

“Can you do a graduation prompt where 5sos kids graduate I would love that!!!!!”

A/N: This one was fun to write! Again, everyone give some love to my beta luekshemming :) She’s awesome!

Luke: This should be easy by now, Luke thought to himself as he sat down next to Ashton. He’d been to two graduations now, Ashton and the twins had graduated before Kayla. But it was different this time, because now his baby was getting her graduation cap fitted onto her head with a million bobby pins. His baby girl had to fill out a paper to be read as she walked across the stage, telling the whole audience about her plans to attend The University of Newcastle and study oral health so she could become a dentist. His baby girl would be getting a diploma and in just a few short weeks be moving away. His baby girl, who had spent many nights pushed up against Luke in a tiny tour bus bunk, listening to him tell bogus stories about princesses and dragons and knights in shining armor that he made up off the top of his head and she adored with all her heart.

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On Belles with Brawn

When my mom hovers over my shoulder to take a peek at my streaming of the CrossFit Games, I can’t help but bite my lip, glancing sideways as her narrowed eyes take in the aesthetics of the crop of the fittest women on Earth. I know she strongly dislikes the bulk the women carry on their biceps, the padding of their traps, the shape of their prominent shoulders and sculpted backs. Her bias, as a modern dancer, is that any muscle that has reached the stage of more-than-toned is ugly, unfeminine, unattractive. I don’t mean to single her out or rag on her opinion, (especially since it affects how she treats me as someone who idolizes these women), because this is our world. Sadly, the majority of people in our society agree with her. 

I used to think I had a healthy opinion on how I looked. I pretended I didn’t care about the newly-formed 10 lb of bulk I’d harnessed because of its function. I was able to overlook my musculature because that’s what made me stronger, capable of doing the things I love, mainly CrossFit. I can climb five ropes, overhead squat 130 and run a mile, no problem. I loved myself for what I could do in spite of my appearance. But shouldn’t I be able to do both? Love me for what I can do, and what enables me to do it? I thought about what our Western-influenced paradigm dictates, and what is often associated with muscle. Picture your typical brawn in its Adonis, DaVincian sculpted perfection. Strength, obviously. Dedication. Good habits. Health. Wealth. Athleticism. Men picking up all the babes on the beach. “Bro, dyel?” Yet put that hunk of muscle on a women? Ugly. Unladylike. Never going to get a boyfriend. Only squatting for an ass. Never going to fit in. A fat woman’s excuse for her weight… Why is that? Why is it when we switch the context of what gender the muscle is on, we go from positive to negative? What’s up with the flip-flop?

And yet there’s an irony in their opinions. There is an often occurrence where on female CrossFitter videos I see people 1) bash for appearance (ExampleShes is a monster. Looks like a man. I’m an old fashioned guy: I like women.), or 2) question whether steroid are in use (Exampleholy hell, that is a woman? xD dude that thing runs on steroidsExampleNatural my arse! Maybe not anabolic but definitely Test on board “prescribed by doctor” so its ok.) Or bothmuscularity and outward strength is by definition a masculine characteristic. That is why these women inject, testosterone, to become better athletes.Testosterone of course being the dominant, male development hormone. Not natural, definately not attractive to a completely straight male. Besides your comma use being horrid, your message is ugly, too. You don’t like what you see, you think it’s offensive, yet you feel the need to take that woman down another few pegs by asking if what they do is legal? If the work they put in is actually their own work? So clearly you admire what they can do, because your jealousy is clear as day (I assume you’re trying to diminish their achievements by saying they’re impossible to reach through your likely uneducated methods), but you cloud it by saying well, she’s ugly anyway, 10/10 wouldn’t bang, who cares.

My conclusion? You don’t want a woman to have that power. You don’t want a woman to fit outside that cookie cutter 1950s housewife mold because that is threatening to you. And your view has leeched not only throughout the majority of the male population, but the female as well. It is so mainstream to the point that women in my life have asked whether it bothers my mom that I’m “wasting” my slim figure. Girl-on-girl hate. (Examplewhat i call this person a female or male or something else.i don’t consider this person as a woman. i don’t know what this thing is.i am calling this person thing because.my thought is that female bodybuilding is opposite the nature. and my mind accept this person is female; Example: these crossfit chicks have bodys like guys which is just not attractive.) You want every single woman to fulfill an impossible and demeaning standard- publicly harass them when they choose not to- and that is not okay. 

There is definitely hope, though. People that spring up to our defenses. People that see the work and effort, the overall goal in attaining what we have started, ourselves, to see as beautiful. Videos and viral ads empowering the actions and bodies of the female sex: Nike, Always. Adidas. Even in my own life. When I was down at the pool, somewhat frantically looking for my very-late brother, I overheard a young mother talking to her son about me. She explained in a hushed voice “Jake, she’s just an athlete” after he had seriously asked whether I was a super hero, his jaw dropped in awe. Super hero? Not quite. Ready to take on your patriarchal bullshit? With pleasure. 

close encounters, i can't deal with these people

I just … this episode literally made me hate everyone. And can we all agree that NO ONE cares about Malcolm?! I swear if his name is brought one more time I will throw something. He has no connection to anyone and no purpose whatsoever, so I don’t know why Aria bought that god damn story. Okay I’m sorry this will include theories I promise, but also a lot of rants…

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