in les mis its marius

anyway because everyone is definitely wondering and not because I am just totally incapable of shutting up absolutely not  : 

Characters In The Gem AU Who Are Gems: 
Fantine
Les Amis 
Thenardier

Gem/Human Fusions:
Cosette
The Thenardier Kids , Because the Eponine-Cosette Symmetry is an inarguable narrative pillar of all things Les Mis Fight Me 

Characters in The Gem AU Who Are Actually Humans 
Valjean 
Javert 
Marius
Everyone Else Not In the Above Two Categories 

 I can’t stop thinking about how if you’ve only seen the Les Mis musical, you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between real subplots in the Brick and fanfiction….Because the Brick’s actual real subplots sound exactly like fanfiction

I mean this “fanfiction” is actually a canon book subplot:

Javert and Marius team up buddy-cop style to take down a deadly gang of criminals who are planning to ambush Jean Valjean.

 Marius very predictably screws everything up (because he’s a DORK why did Javert give him a gun?? Why did he give him two guns?????) So Javert has to save the day practically single-handedly. He does this by making snarky comments and saying badass one-liners until this armed and deadly gang is so afraid of him that they just lay down all their weapons without putting up a fight.

 Valjean escapes in the confusion (to Javert’s extreme disappointment) but all of the gang is arrested….with the exception of Montparnasse, because he’d ditched his lookout duties to flirt with Eponine.

The next morning Javert goes to Marius’s house to tell him How Much He Screwed Up. He arrives to find that Marius isn’t there…. because he’s literally packed all his bags and moved houses to avoid talking to Javert again. 

Javert isn’t really surprised. You kinda get the feeling that things like this must happen to Javert a lot

this is all actual canon

Les Amis as Stupid Things I said in my first year of college
  • Enjolras: But we argue about communism in every class!
  • Combeferre: I wrote an essay every night last week.
  • Courfeyrac: You can't make fairy lights against the rules!
  • Grantaire: If I write this paper about Enjolras do you think the professor will notice?
  • Bahorel: I AM GOING TO FIGHT FASCISM
  • Bossuet: I swear if the fire alarm goes off at four am one more time . . . I will still get out of bed because that would be just my luck.
  • Joly: *friend gets a paper cut* Oh my goodness you're bleeding I'm prepared for this I have a first aid kit shhh no don't touch it you might infect it
  • Feuilly: No I can't go to Europe with you next year. No I have to pay for this school!
  • Gavroche: I know the football team is tall, but they won't be quiet. Do you think I could fight them?
  • Jehan: I made word art poetry instead of doing my stats.
  • Marius: Sorry I spilled water all over my shoes I'm going to be late.
  • Bonus:
  • Cosette: Everyone looks cute in crop tops!
  • Musichetta: Listen, I don't want to hear about the parties you're having but if anyone needs a ride to the hospital call me.
  • Eponine: *slams hands on desk* I HATE MEN!!!
  • Montparnasse: If we burn down the building they can't make us turn the essay in.
4

And he himself – was he actually the same man? He, the poor man, was rich; he, the abandoned, had a family; he, the despairing, was to marry Cosette. It seemed to him that he had traversed a tomb, and that he had entered into it black and had emerged from it white, and in that tomb the others had remained. At certain moments, all these beings of the past, returned and present, formed a circle around him, and overshadowed him; then he thought of Cosette, and recovered his serenity; but nothing less than this felicity could have sufficed to efface that catastrophe.

Reasons why I’m Marius Pontmercy
  • Hopeless romantic
  • Nice but incredibly awkward
  • I often feel like headbutting a tree is the best solution to my problems
  • I like learning new languages and I can do it pretty quickly
  • I may have been in a group for years but I will always feel like The New One™  
  • “Are they laughing with me or at me?”
  • I live on 10€ a week because I hate using my parents’ money
  • When I go to the cinema/theatre I wear shabby clothes because since it’s dark nobody can see me
  • My flirting technique is staring longingly at my crush 
  • Mild inconvinece = Guess I’ll die meme
  • I’m usually quiet but I can snap out of the blue and rant for half an hour about something I love, just to be promptly roasted in 3 words by someone more quick-witted 
  • I would shout my celebrity crush’s name out of my window
  • I’m shy and introverted but secretly a Drama Queen™
  • I have problems remembering faces and I wouldn’t recognize my neighbour or my crush’s father if I saw them with clothes different from those they usually wear
  • “What are you going to become?” “I have no idea” “What are you going to do?” “I have no idea” “Have you any money?” “Fifteen francs.” 
  • Derp face? In 2017? It’s more likely than you think
  • I’m doing everything all wrong. Oh God, for shame. 

Let us be just, my friends! What a splendid destiny for a nation to be the Empire of such an Emperor, when that nation is France and when it adds its own genius to the genius of that man! To appear and to reign, to march and to triumph, and to transfigure Europe at the pace of a charge; to make you feel that when you threaten you lay your hand on the hilt of the sword of God; to follow in a single man, Hannibal, Caesar, Charlemagne; to be the people of some one who mingles with your dawns the startling announcement of a battle won! To cause constellations of victories to flash forth at each instant from the zenith of the centuries, to make the French Empire a pendant to the Roman Empire, to be the great nation and to give birth to the grand army, to make its legions fly forth over all the earth, as a mountain sends out its eagles on all sides to conquer, to be in Europe a sort of nation gilded through glory, to conquer the world twice, by conquest and by dazzling, that is sublime; and what greater thing is there?

Les Mis Characters as Quotes from The Room

Enjolras:  If a lot of people love each other, the world would be a better place to live
Gavroche:  Who are you calling a kid?
Bahorel:  You’re just a little chicken. Chip-chip-chip-chip-cheep-cheep.
Joly:  Everything goes wrong all at once. Nobody wants to help me. And I’m dying.
Javert: Calm down! He’s going to jail!
Grantaire:  I’m tired, I’m wasted… I love you, darling!
Feuilly:  If you think I’m tired today, wait until you see me tomorrow.
Madame Thénardier:  Men and women use and abuse each other all the time; there’s nothing wrong with it. Marriage has nothing to do with love.
Monsieur Thénardier: I just needed some money to pay off some stuff!
Jean Valjean: Why? Why is this happening to me? God forgive me.
Marius: HI BABE!
Eponine:  I like you very much. Lover… boy. 
Cosette:  Did you, uh, know… that chocolate… is the symbol of love?
Jehan: People are very strange these days
Combeferre: (To Marius)  You don’t understand anything, man. Leave your stupid comments in your pocket!
Bossuet:  And then about halfway down the stairs I realise that I, I have misplaced, I have forgotten, something…  me underwears.