“did he break your heart?”
“no, i don’t think so,” she answers, but she sounds uncertain. the question’s made her reconsider.
after a moment, she says, “he hurt me. there’s no use in denying that.”
he looks at her. “how badly?”
she shrugs, looks down at her shoes. “enough to make me cry. enough… just enough. he hurt me enough.”
he blinks, and rolls a lighter between his fingers. he’s not a smoker, but she is, and he thought he would give it to her, maybe. just to try and get through to her. “did you love him?”
she laughs at this, and tucks her knees into her chest, “nah, not even close.” she sighs, “i could have though, i think.” her eyes darken, “if he’d given me the chance to.”
he’s unsure of how to respond, so he hands her the lighter. “it’s for you,” he mumbles, and she smiles for a fleeting second, takes it from his grasp, and then hands it back.
“no thanks,” she says, and then explains, “i’m trying to quit. i wanna go somewhere, live a long time. can’t do that if i smoke, ya know?”
“yeah, i know, i just thought–”
she squeezes his hand, “i know what you thought, and it’s sweet. you’re sweet.”
he smiles, and for a moment, she smiles back at him. then it slides off her face, and he waits for her to speak.
“it just, it just sucks getting fucked over, ya know?” she runs a hand through her hair, “like, he was so important. it wasn’t that i wanted to date him or any of that, but he was just important. he used to say that i was important too, and that’s what hurts the most, i think. the fact that he just randomly decided that i wasn’t anymore.”
he opens his mouth, but she keeps going. “so i guess, in a way, he might have broken my heart. not enough for me to feel it for a long time, but just enough to remind me that he meant something to me and he fucking walked away.”
“he hurt you enough,” he echoes her previous words.
“yeah, yeah,” she wipes a tear away with the palm of her hand, “he hurt me enough.”
— “excerpts from a book i’ll never write #2” -c.h. // Instagram: @evanescent.love (via @poeticaffinity)