Guzma-boy seeing his quiet, sweet, and demure pregnant s/o roast/fight/tear into someone who was talking shit about her bf
had a hard time with this. but I hope it’s ok.
You were already getting tired waddling through the Thrifty
Megamart, and you and Guzma hadn’t even made it past the produce aisle. It
seemed every older woman and man had a comment to make about your protruding
stomach, especially since you had previously thrown caution to the wind that
morning and thrown on a crop top (The only item from Plumeria that still fit).
Usually you could hide your belly under a shirt, but when the average
temperature could be 100 degrees in the highs with humidity who gave a shit
about hiding their stomach?
“I swear to god…” you mumbled when a woman in an obnoxiously
flowered muumuu approached. Guzma was smart. He fled into the cereal aisle and
seemed intent on studying the Toucannon Loops and Combee O’s. Your Mimikyu was
oblivious to all that happened, content with bouncing happily in the cart and
gurgling at the fruit.
“My goodness!” she exclaimed, “We’re certainly far along
“Oh yes… We certainly are.” You gave your faux smile and
studied the nanab berries intently, an inner mantra repeating on loop: don’t
fucking touch me, don’t fucking touch me, don’t fucking touch me.
“Is it twins?” she asked hopefully. She didn’t flinch when
Mimikyu growled from the cart.
“No.” you replied curtly.
“My, don’t tell me it’s quadruplets!” she exclaimed loudly.
You could hear Guzma trying not to lose his shit in the cereal.
“Nope. Excuse me.” You reached over her arm for a box of
strawberries, nodding vaguely in her direction before pushing the cart away.
“Oh well dear, if it’s only one then I think you might have
to check with the doctor! It’s not normal to be this big if it’s only one.
Maybe you’re retaining too much water. Poor thing. What do your parents say?
Aren’t they worried you’re too young to be having a baby?” Lady’s mouth fucking
ran a mile a minute and she seemed very capable of keeping up with your
waddling gait as you tried to flee to the frozen foods.
“Parents are chill.” You replied simply. You could feel
Rosalie kicking roughly at your skin, organs, anywhere her feet could reach.
Probably just as pissed off as you are.
“Well is the father even in your life?”
Oh my god damn son of a bitch here we go…
“He’s over there.” You motioned. By now Guzma was chatting
up an old friend of his, one of the Team Skull grunts who had been ordered to
stock the shelves. Didn’t matter anyways, he knew you could handle it on your
own. Your temper was worse than Wela Volcano now that you were pregnant. It was
about time this bitch had a taste of your wrath.
“Him?!” she yelped incredulously, “And a delinquent like
that is letting you shop all by yourself?? Such a deadbeat father. Don’t worry
little baby… Your mama isn’t alone.”
It was when she started reaching for your exposed stomach
that you couldn’t bite back your hormonal rage any longer.
“DON’T YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME, DON’T YOU FUCKING GET NEAR HER,
AND DON’T YOU FUCKING TALK SHIT ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND YOU CELLULITE DINOSAUR!” You
exploded, “WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF PLANET DO YOU COME FROM WHERE IT’S ALRIGHT TO
JUST FUCKIN’ DISS ON SOMEONES LOVER AND THEN REACH OUT AND TOUCH FOLKS YOU
FUCKING GUMSHOOS LOOKING UNCLE FUCKER?! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY GODDAMN SIGHT!”
As she scurried away and Guzma tried placating you, his box
of Touncannon Loops found your hands and sailed across the air aiming for the
I’m a 60 year old white Texan woman named Hortense with long silver hair tied in a bun wearing a giant muumuu with cowboy boot pattern on it. if you come on my property unsolicited I will shoot at you with my shotgun and probably miss because I’m wearing coke bottle glasses and can’t see very well, but if I’m in a good mood I might invite you inside and bake you cookies and square dance with you to old love ballads by June Carter Cash. after that we can go feed my horses some oats
the phrase “yoda is a lesbian” just flashed through my head and i was like haha good joke but then i thought about it for a second longer and i’m actually weirdly into the idea of luke being trained by a wizened little lesbian who dispenses sage advice and lives in a cute little cottage and wears comfortable earth-tone muumuus and gets offended when he doesn’t want to try her soup and also wields supernatural powers beyond human comprehension