in a mormon way

One of the most famous and recognizable landmarks for the pioneer travelers on the Oregon, California and Mormon trails, Chimney Rock is still an icon on Nebraska’s landscape. Today, Chimney Rock and its surrounding environs look much as they did when the first settlers passed through in the mid 1800s. Photo of the Milky Way erupting over Chimney Rock courtesy of Jesse Attanasio.

Musical Theory: Subtext in The Book of Mormon suggests that Elder Price is gay and that McPriceley could be a real thing

 So, I’m a big fan of this show on YouTube called Game Theory. It’s a show that looks at the subtext of video games to figure out answers to unanswered questions in the games (like who Rosalina in Super Mario Galaxy really is, or the true story of the Five Nights at Freddy’s series). It’s really interesting and I’d highly recommend you check it out. I’m also a big fan of a tumblr user called Loudest Subtext in Television, who is famous for writing excellent meta detailing all the gay subtext in the TV show Sherlock. The other day I was reading her meta and listening to the Book of Mormon cast recording, and it got me wondering… is there any subtext in that show? I initially dismissed the idea, but then as I started actually thinking about it… lots of weird things started to make sense, and I actually found a lot of evidence for what I suggested in the title of this post. I eventually came up with the theory that i’m about to present to you now. If you ship McPriceley, or you’re a big fan of the show, or you just like subtext in general, you might want to read on (obviously spoilers for the show below) :D

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We claim the privilege of worshipping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.
—  Joseph Smith, 11th Article of Faith, Pearl of Great Price
The way you treat your wife or children or parents or siblings may influence generations to come. What legacy do you want to leave your posterity? One of harshness, vengeance, anger, fear, or isolation? Or one of love, humility, forgiveness, compassion, spiritual growth, and unity?
—  Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Highlights on a new member’s lesson on the Restoration:

So I attended my ward’s sister missionaries as they taught a new brother a refresher lesson on the Restoration, and had him teach it instead and omg it was amazing.

  • -John (that’s his name) stood by a rolling chair, began talking and immediately expressed feeling like a missionary.
  • -one of the sisters gave him her spare name-tag to wear to make it official as he taught XD
  • -John begins to talk about Joseph Smith having to walk through the woods to find a place to pray at and pushes/rolls on the chair out the door.
  • -I turn to the missionaries and I’m like “ welp, you lost him there he goes XD”
  • -he comes back and motions us to follow.
  • -so here we are, walking down the hallways of the church, John talking about Joseph walking all this way to find a good spot (still pushing the chair?) and one sister is like “omg what is this but okay go for it” and the other who has only been out a few weeks is also happily perplexed.
  • -He finds the lights won’t come on in the rec room and is like “Oh no this is too dark Joseph was in the place of lights
  • -I said before I could stop myself “Las Vegas..???XD”
  • -John, still pushing his chair towards the chapel “No actually, this was before Las Vegas was a thing.”
  • -We find the chapel has a lot of members still around from the priesthood meeting earlier so we turn around and go back to the family history room haha.
  • -In talking about God and Christ appearing to Joseph Smith in the Sacred Grove, he paraphrased God’s introduction as follows:
    “Hey yeah, this is my Son, he’s super cool, you may have heard of him? His name is Jesus.”
  • -He talked about how the guy who was now an angel came to Joseph to reveal about the Book of Mormon. And his name was (John pauses ever so slightly here lol) “Macaroni” ie. Moroni XD
  • -He also paraphrased Joseph when unearthing the Golden Plates:
    “Whoa! This is a heavy, gold book! The guy who wrote these mUST HAVE BEEN RIPPED!”
  • -Throwback to his previous lesson I attended where he talked about “That ripped guy in the painting praying” ie. Moroni lol
  • -His friends came back with food and had stayed for the last half of the lesson (they were already members) and they encourage him and talk about reading his scriptures with him over the phone and having “family prayer” and this is PRECIOUS coming from like, muscular 20-something guys. Supporting their bro in the Gospel :’)
  • Book of BROman
  • -Talking about his scripture reading, the sisters were like “yeah there’s some good stuff coming up! And Enos, you’ve already read that–”
    John: “I don’t remember it”
    Sister: *still flipping through her scriptures, not missing a beat* “Well you can read it again
    Me and John share a look and I start laughing, and John starts talking about how the sisters are always so salty and the sister is like “I didn’t mean it that way!!” So precious, all of them.

All in all, it was an amazing lesson. Like I know it looks like he’s not serious about it but you can tell and feel he is, and his prayers and serious answers are sooo sweet and genuine. And everyone is so chill and works with his personality so he gets the most out of the lesson and it was so awesome to just be there and be a part of that. ^^

Book of Mormon in a Nutshell
  • Hello!: This book will change your life
  • Two by Two: AFRICA! OH BOY LIKE LION KING
  • You and Me But Mostly Me: I'll do something incredible THAT BLOWS GOD'S FREAKIN MIIIIIIIIND
  • Hasa Diga Ebowai: Fuck you, God, in the ass, mouth, and cunt! Fuck you in the eye!
  • Turn it Off: Repressing gay and abusive thoughts is the Mormon way, aye sparkly pink costume change and tap dancing
  • I Am Here For You: Elder Cunningham is here for Elder Price even though he's worried about the job
  • All-American Prophet: God's favorite prophet was All-American! Also, I HAVE MAGGOTS IN MY SCROTUM
  • Sal Tlay Ka Siti: cinnamon roll sings beautiful song about Utah
  • Man Up: jk, Cunningham is the hero to this story, sorry Price, that's for the donut
  • Making Things Up Again: GOD SAID TO THE MORMON PROPHET JOSEPH SMITH YOU SHALL NOT HAVE SEX WITH THAT INFANT! Don't forget that Yoda is there
  • Spooky Mormon Hell Dream: Hitler fucks Elder Price's dad and is forced to drink coffee because he wanted to go to Orlando
  • I Believe: Mormon theme song leads to the entire book up Elder Price's ass
  • Baptize Me: I'M WET WITH SALVATION
  • I Am Africa: Africans are African, but mormons are AFRICAAAA
  • Joseph Smith American Moses: Clitoris face, baby raping, dying of dysentary, AIDS frog, THANK YOU, GOD
  • Tomorrow is a Latter Day: WE ARE STILL LATTER DAY SAINTS... even if we're horrible people
The Word of Wisdom - 3.19.2017

I have always interpreted the Word of Wisdom to mean caffeinated drinks, due to both coffee and tea having high caffeine levels. I don’t think that Heavenly Father wants us consuming caffeine because it alters our mental state (however slightly). Though caffeine may help us to do our best, I believe that we must learn to rely on the gospel and ourselves to be the best we can be.

Though the First Presidency has defined the Word of Wisdom to be prohibiting tea and coffee, I still drink decaf tea and decaf coffee (when I have the opportunity to; my family only drinks caffeinated coffee). I avoid caffeinated soft drinks as well.

Sometimes I do feel as if I’m going against modern-day revelation and Heavenly Father because I drink decaf tea.

How do you identify?

I’ve recently been involved in some discussions about how I and others of my religious/ cultural ilk identify ourselves. Here’s what I say:

I am an ex-mormon.

I am “mormon” by birth (by “covenant”…  though no one asked my permission) and by culture. I think of myself, even today, as “culturally mormon,” in much the same way some Jewish people refer to themselves as culturally Jewish despite not practicing any of the religious aspects of that culture. 

I am “ex-” by choice. For me, that’s what the prefix represents. I didn’t choose to be mormon, but I did choose to leave. I chose to claim my own identity. And part of that identity, to me, is recognizing that while cultural mormonism is encoded in me - it’s an inescapable fact of my life -  it does not determine where I go from here. 

I also consider the term “apostate” an appropriate moniker. Mostly because it sounds bass-ass and scares the shit out of True Believing Mormons (TBMs). But to me, “apostate” means one who has rejected the gospel and thereby chosen “outer darkness.” I embrace what mormons fear: I am an adversary. 

I am “anti-mormon,” in the sense that I openly oppose the church, it’s leadership, and their teachings. In my view, this is an aspect of being “anti-religion” in general. In the same way, I am an “atheist” because I not only believe that god does not exist objectively, but because I fight against the human manifestations of “god:” religion, churches, faith-based brainwashing, etc.  

I like “heathen” too. Means I get to have fun. 

So, I’m sincerely asking anyone and everyone: how do you think of yourself in the context of mormonism?

me: tries to draw kevin price completely unreferenced so i can figure out how i want to draw him without being influenced by the actors

me: draws kyle selig

On Innkeepers

The way we talk about the inkeepers in the Christmas story has always rubbed me wrong. Often we use language that makes them seem callous and unsympathetic to Mary and Joseph’s plight. Even the final innkeeper in the story gets this treatment before being depicted as having a change of heart.

This month, however, I was blessed with the opportunity to attend a local event that recreated the Nativity in the form of a tour. As our group left the Wise Men and approached the inn, we were greeted by a young women’s sextet humming Christmas hymns and a couple generously inviting us into the room, apologizing for the limited space. They assured us that though they’d had many travelers come to their inn that night, they’d do their best to find some room for us. They proceeded to tell their perspective of the events from that Christmas night; the innkeeper man explained how when he saw the pregnant Mary, he knew they had no room for her, but couldn’t abide the thought of sending her away. His wife reassured him that what he’d done sufficient, but he said that if he’d known that the baby would be the Savior of the world, he would have offered Mary his own room.

I feel strongly in my soul that this is a perspective we don’t acknowledge often enough. There is certainly a lesson to be had in not rejecting the Savior when He comes to each of our doors, and that’s well and good. But it’s equally, if not more important for us to acknowledge that sometimes the best we may have to offer the Savior is a humble manger, and that’s okay.