🍄 i don’t have hypothyroidism or anything else nasty - my bloods and my ultrasound came back perfectly clear - even my iron levels!
🍄 my tolerance for benzos has gone way down there was a wee while there i was taking 8-10mgs of ativan a day and now 4-5mgs will put me to straight sleep like *alyssa edwards snapping sound* THAT! probably 2-3mgs is a good amount for me now!!!
🍄 i am also flushed with benzos at the moment despite not needing to be now that
🍄 i have discovered my new love Phenibut which I take once every three days and makes me feel happy and is the best medication for social anxiety i have ever uncovered
🍄 i am getting my voice back slowly i could even sing a little this morning and even though it sounded like shit compared to normal it’s something!!!
🍄 we are having a roadtrip to perth this weekend hopefully to see Crywank and then The Disaster Artist in cinema (fxxking finally) and adopt a new friend at the cattery for bullet!!!
I am so afraid that I am going to waste so much of my life being sad when I should be living. And not just living, but living vibrantly and loudly. I want to read more, travel more, learn more and talk to more people without feeling held back by the confines of my body. I no longer want to feel like I am drowning, sinking, falling or being swallowed up whole by something monstrous. I want to feel alive, lovely and brilliant, even for a moment
When Jarvis says “it is my diagnosis you experienced a severe anxiety attack” it-it was amazing. And tonys quiet little “me?” was the coolest thing. I’ve just-ive never felt so amazed at something and so proud about a movie in my life. The realization that “yes, they’re going there” almost made me break down crying. Iron Man will forever be my favourite trilogy and favourite character and I blame that scene, when they stepped up and made a superhero someone so painfully real that I felt what he was feeling. Amazing.
Mom: *looks over my shoulder to see that I’m reading* I still don’t understand how you can’t help yourself from reading this early in the morning. I understand that books develop the mind, but at 6am?
Me: *shrugging nonchalantly while trying not to look amused at the fact that I am currently reading smut* I mean…
My sister: *eyes me suspiciously*
Me: I guess you could say that I like Lemon with my morning Tea
Mom: *passes the lemon*
Me:*sips tea with immense satisfaction*