in a drunken stupor

The One That Got Away

by reddit user bookshelfghost

Lily Harrison and I met at a graduation party when we were eighteen. As soon as I walked into the house, her bubbling laughter caught my attention. I couldn’t help but grin because it was so contagious, and she’d noticed. Already a couple drinks in, she pointed right at me and shouted, “Hey. You’re cute. Come be my partner.” 

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Life has always had cheat codes, but activating them has been so convoluted that no one has ever activated one, until you in a drunken stupor accidentally executed each specific step (of many) to activate: debug mode.

— off limits | 01 (m)

pairing— kim seokjin x reader
genre/warnings— smut, dirty talk, dom! Jin, just dirty, dirty sex that my heart can’t take
words— 11,158

:: summary— you’ve been lusting after your brother’s best friend for a while now, ever since you met him at a house party, flirting it up a storm as you failed to realise who the other was. That was months ago now and things are still awkward, but you can’t ignore the sexual tension that’s simmers between the two of you…and it keeps getting worse…

 » 01 :: 02 :: 03 :: 04 :: 05 :: 06 :: 07 ::

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Well, I mean, it IS the law

So let me set the scene. The dungeon the party was in was ruined to the point where the stone brick walls were starting to “melt”. The party of four had just reached a door when the elderly undead Warlock of the group holds up his hand to halt everyone. He points his scythe at the door and says “We need to watch our step, ‘cause whatevers behind this door is pulsin’ out magic somethin’ fierce”. The Rogue, in his drunken stupor, unlocked the door in an instant and the darkened corridor filled with the scent of blood and iron. As the party is shuffling silently into the room, the young Druid of the group pointed towards the center of the room where she could make out a dim glow that lay close to the ground. The Ranger began to panic a little, as she was a close combat fighter and recognized the glow. A full suit of Heavy Enchanted Armour sat in it’s eerie glow. The scene then played out a little something like this

Ranger: ooooOOOHHH, nopenopenope. I can’t deal with that, dude. Hooo, nope

Rogue: Ah, don’t'cha worry, ye wee lass. That thing there couldn’t hear a boulder- *uninteligable slurs as Skype gives out at the perfect time*

Rogue OOC: I’m gonna fuckin’ sneak past this bitch

DM: *withholds a loud snort* Bruh, do it you won’t

Rogue: *rolls an 18 and begins to sneak towards a door down the way*

The Armor: *Jolts up at full attention, bellowing* STOP, IN THE NAME OF THE LAW, CRIMINAL! *Charges at full speed towards him*

Rogue: WHAT’S THE CRIME? *In a drunken rage*

The Armor: * freezing in place, having never been asked this before* I-… UHM… THE CRIME IS LIVING, AND THE PUNISHMENT IS DEATH!!!

Warlock: *raising his hand* S'cuse me, sir, but I’m not alive, may I pass?

The Armor: …..PROCEED?

Dance With Me - Dylan O’Brien

Author: @mf-despair-queen

Characters: Dylan O’Brien/Reader

Word Count: 2722

Warnings: Pure Filth, NSFW, 18+, Oral (both receiving), Orgasm Denial, More Filth

Notes: #SorryNotSorry

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The Accidental Sext

Overview: Wrong Number AU. Piss drunk, you decided it would be a good idea to send a raunchy photo of yourself to your ex. But as fate had it, you sent it to the wrong number.

Word Count: About 4,500.

Warning(s): Swearing, drinking, drunk texts, some suggestive content, slight sexting, so much fluff. No smut, but should be 16+ to read.

Author’s Note: Modern, Muggle AU; Sirius Black x Reader. I was reading some “I accidentally sent nudes to my boss” horror stories and this idea came into my head. (Sirius is not her boss.) Enjoy! ;)

MASTERLIST

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LGBTQ DEITY MASTERPOST

Loki is the master of the non-binary.
• This may be just be my UPG (Unverified Personal Gnosis) but Loki is preeeeeetty genderfluid. That, or he doesn’t give a shit and laughs at gender norms. And sex norms, for that matter. He’s also sexfluid. He’s a mother and a father. He’s chaos. He does not let any boundary define or hold him. He can be destructive, but the chaos can be creative, too. After all, Mjollnir only exists through his antics! He doesn’t even conform to the gender norms in his name- He takes his last name from his MOTHER, Laufey. Not his Father, Farbauti.

Chinese Mythology is rife with LGBTQ and Non-Binaries
• Fun fact: Chinese mythology is rich in homosexuality. Same-sex love was believed to have originated in the south, so homosexuality was sometimes called “the southern wind”. Lots of spirits and deities were associated with homosexuality, bisexuality and transgenderism. These include Shou Wang, Shan Gu, Gun, and Yu the Great.

Chinese mythology is also rich in gay animal spirits and faries. Most of them like young men or boys, but there is one exception. Dragons like their men to be older.

Mizi Xia and the Duke Ling of Wei were gay, as were Lord Long Yang and an unnamed king of Wei.

INTERSEX GODS:

Hermaphoditus
• The son of Aphrodite and Hermes. He was born as a very handsome boy and then transformed into an androgynous being. He has a female figure and male genitals.

Ardhanarishvara
• The androgynous form of the Hindu god Shiva and his consort Pavarti. They are half male and half female, split right down the middle. The right is male and the left is female.

Hapi
• Egyptian God of the Nile, he has breasts and a belly resembling a pregnant woman’s.

GENDERFLUID:

Guan Yin
• In Japanese, they are called Kannon. In Korean, they’re called Gwan-Eum. They have both male and female forms. They may be also considered agender.

Nu
• Egyptian Deification of the primal waters, can be depicted as male or female. Nunet is her female name and Nun is his male name.

Shai
• Egyptian deification of fate. Shai is depicted as both male and female at different occasions.


b>AGENDER:

Eros (cupid)
• He appears as androgynous, god of love. His blood is female, and his masculinity is a form of fire and light. He has charm over all creatures and gender.

Ta’aroa
• The androgynous creator god of Polynesia.

Lan Caihe
• One of the Eight Immortals in Chinese mythology, their age and sex are unknown. They wear sexually ambiguous clothing, but are sometimes shown as weither a young boy or a young girl holding a bamboo basket. They are the patron of minstrels, and in another story their song is prophecy. They also wear only one shoe. Like ALL other Chinese immortals, they have an eternal drunken stupor and left the world on the back of a swan or a crane one day after they were in a tavern and said they had to go to the bathroom. Before leaving, they stripped naked, of course.

Atum
• Another Egyptian creator god, he created himself. He created himself out of Nun, or the waters of chaos, and brought the gods and cosmos into being.

Ometeotl
• Aztec god of duality, creator of Cemanahuatl. Her female aspect is called Omecihuatl.


HOMOSEXUAL:

Greek Gods. Lots and lots of Greek Gods. Some of them also have relations with females, but here’s a list of homosexual acts the Greek Gods do.
• Achilles and Patroclus
Achilles and Troilus
Agamemnon and Argynnus
Agathaidas and Phalanthus
Ameinias and Narcissus
Apollo and Hyacinth
Apollo and Hymenaios
Chrysippus and Laius
Daphnis and Pan
Dionysus and Ampelus
Dionysus and Prosymnus
Euryalus and Nisus
Heracles and Abderus
Heracles and Hylas
Heracles and Iolaus[16]
Hermes and Krokus
Ianthe and Iphis[20]
Poseidon and Pelops
Polyeidos and Glaucus
Orpheus and the Thracians
Orpheus and Kalais
Apollo/Silvanus and Cyparissus
Zeus (Artemis) and Callisto
Zeus and Ganymede

Aprodite
• Fun fact, the Greek Goddess of love, beauty, pleasure and procreation is also the Goddess of lesbians.

Frey
• Although Frey himself isn’t gay, this Norse God of Fertility was worshipped by a cult of homosexuals and effeminate priests. I think that’s awesome enough for a place on this list.

Xochipilli
• Aztec God of games, beauty, dance, flowers, song, and homosexuals.
You’re welcome.

Shinto Religion
• Homosexuality is said to be brought to humans by two of Amaterasu’s servants named Sinu No Hafuri and Ama No Hafuri.
Thank you.
It is said when Shinu died, Ama committed suicide, and they were buried together.

Tu Er Shen
• “Rabbit Deity” in Chinese. He is the protector of gay lovers. He was originally a man named Wu Tien Bao who fell in love with an imperial official. When he declared his love, the official beat him to death. Because his crime was love, the Chinese Underworld officials righted this injustice by making him GOD AND PROTECTOR OF ALL GAYS.

BISEXUAL:
Cuchilainn and Ferdiah

• These two foster brothers/best friends/lovers were forced to fight one another. Ferdiah says they shared their bed, and after the first day of conflict, they were found kissing. Also on the third day, Cuchilainn pierced Ferdiah in the anus with a spear since his horny skin can’t be pierced. Literally, unfortunately, that wasn’t a euphemism. He died.

Zeus
• Ah, Zeus. King of the Greek Gods that can’t keep it in his pants swings all ways. He had sex with women, women as animals, heroic men and gorgeous young boys. Good ol’ Zeus. Ten for you, Zeus.



GODS BREAKING GENDER NORMS:
Odin

• Odin, the Allfather and King of all Nordic Gods took part in magic known as Seidr. Both genders could practice the Seidr, but it was mostly a female art. It was a social taboo and seen as a woman’s job. It also may have been a form of sex magic, with imitation penises involved.

special delivery

“How much time until your next delivery, Jeon?”

“Unfortunately only ten minutes, Miss,” the boy murmurs, almost sorrowfully, and you watch as his eyes flicker down to glance at his watch.

“Great—” your hands fly down to his polyester jumper and hurriedly pull at the zipper, “—that’s ten minutes for you to fuck me.”


In which your husband is never home and the evening delivery boy is just oh-so convenient.

tags: delivery boy!jungkook, husband!taehyung, adultery, oral sex

word count: 3,444

Originally posted by jeonsshi

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Please Update Your Facts On The Onew Case If You’re Going To Spam My Inbox With Anti-Onew Posts

I sometimes wonder if we live in a world where we only hear what we want to hear. See what we want to see and remember what we want to remember. Because there are still people spamming my feed and ask box with posts calling Onew a rapist.

For those of you who haven’t received the news:

THE GIRL/VICTIM HAS STATED THAT THE ENTIRE SITUATION WAS A MISUNDERSTANDING AND THAT ONEW WAS THE ONE THAT INSISTED ON THE INVESTIGATION ON HER PART EVEN WHEN SHE TOLD HIM IT WASN’T NECESSARY! ONEW STUMBLED IN THE CLUB IN HIS DRUNKEN STUPOR AND GRABBED ONTO HER LEG FOR SUPPORT. 

Not one of his fans have defended his drinking habits. In fact, if you actually read our posts…We’ve all asked him to work on it and reflect on what happened. None of us have pretended what happened was a joke or publicity stunt. NONE OF US.

All of you haters still going around and calling him a rapist are exactly like a newspaper running with a story that has already been proved to be false. And please stop asking his drama to remove him from the cast. He made a mistake, drinking himself into a stupor to the point he couldn’t walk without support. He didn’t rape anyone. Stop throwing around labels like that so casually please.

I don’t know if you didn’t receive the news or anything…But please do more research before going on bashing spree. Dispatch cleared up the situation with the girl’s help yesterday….And people are still getting their facts wrong. Please stop asking us not to support him.

Funny how everyone says they themselves don’t deserve to get hated on but those are the exact people hiding behind computers and spamming his drama’s website to get him kicked off.

Just please stop.

Don’t imagine the elves of Mirkwood watching their king change after their queen’s death.

Don’t imagine Thranduil going mad with grief and loss and putting on a stone façade so nothing will be able to hurt him as much as this did.

Don’t imagine him chugging wine down to erase all the good she gave him.

Don’t imagine him drowning in alcohol to erase the memory of her.

Don’t imagine him working himself half to death every day to distract himself from coming back to an eternally half empty bed.

Don’t imagine young Legolas, still grieving over his mother, having to put his feelings aside and care for his father, emotionally unavailable and delusional, because he’s the only thing close to family that he has left.

Don’t imagine Thranduil quietly asking young Legolas to sleep in his room to fill the other side of the bed because he can’t stand subconsciously waiting for his wife to fill it.

Don’t imagine him panicking because the smell of her is fading off of her pillowcase and clothes; and no matter what he does, he can’t make or preserve the same smell and feeling that she left behind.

Don’t imagine him sobbing into her pillow, cursing himself for not being able to be the safety blanket he promised her he’d be and not being able to keep the one good thing in his life alive.

Don’t imagine him in a drunken stupor, stumbling around his room and crying out for his wife to “please come back” because he just can’t take it anymore.

Don’t imagine Legolas standing outside of his father’s bedroom and hearing his father’s cry out elvish words of immeasurable agony and thinking that this is what love really is.

Don’t imagine him and all the times he’s come dangerously close to fading because he got too sober to bear the weight of life on his shoulders.

Don’t imagine Thranduil not being able to tell his son that he loves him because he’s too scared of being attached to someone that might break him all over again.

Don’t imagine Legolas bottling every one of his emotions up for the next hundreds of years because he can’t afford to feel when trying to heal his father.

Don’t imagine Legolas knowing that, despite everything he might say, that deep down, his father loves his little leaf more than he can say.

2AM - part 5 (A Minseok Series)

Genre: Angst

Characters: Minseok X You


A/N: The soundtrack for this chapter is Jeff Buckley’s Lover You Should Have Come Over

2AM [M] - part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12


Between the three of you, Minseok’s frantic and consistently dramatic mother, his sister Minhee and yourself, you managed to drag Minseok to his room and deposit him onto his bed.

To say he was a bit inebriated was the understatement of the century. You’d known Minseok - intimately and honestly - for years, and you had never seen him in a state such as this.

He had to have been drinking all afternoon at least, and by the way you saw him drain that bottle of soju, and the fact that there was next to no liquor amongst the shattered bottle that littered the kitchen floor, telling you that he’d downed that one too, you knew he had really done a number on himself this time.

Even now as he laid, half on his bed, half hanging off and you pulled at his feet trying in vain to straighten him out and roll him onto his side so if he should happen to vomit in his sleep, you wouldn’t need to hold a press conference announcing the death of a beloved member of EXO- dead in his sleep, choked on his own vomit in a drunken stupor.

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It’s A Match! [Swipe Right; part two]

a/n: I love you all so very much so I apologise in advance. I’m sorry about the formatting, I had a bit of an issue and I will fix it! Please don’t hate me too much Big thanks as always to the saints that helped me, I won’t name names, just know that I love you with my whole butt. (cause it’s bigger than my heart.) ;) Lau xoxo 

Pairing: StilesxReader // NogitsunexReader

Author: thelittlestkitsune

Warnings: Smut. 18+ Explicit Content. (Sensitive material ahead.)

Word count: .10,559

Listen to me.

Swipe Right.  

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It’s Not Him

A/N: I’m back from a writing hiatus as you’ve probably noticed, so here’s some Sam Winchester smut.

Pairing: implied Dean Winchester x reader, Sam Winchester x reader 

Word Count: 3,120

Warnings: SMUT, SMUT, SMUT. Angst????

Originally posted by couplenotes

His lips on your neck only barely ignite the spark you’d feel if it were the man you’d imagined. Why you’d initiated this bar bathroom quickie was a mystery to you. No one was him. No one came close to being Dean Winchester.

What was this guy’s name? Henry? Harry? Hal? You can’t remember, and quite frankly, you don’t care. Quickies and one night stands only tide over the very strong need for Dean for a day. Is it even worth it?

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as all my jewish followers and friends know, we have a holiday coming up! the featival of purim is this sunday. purim celebrates hidden miracles and hidden beauty and hidden saviours. there’s a lot of hiding. that’s why we dress up!

i’m aware that the vast majority of gentiles and a lot of jews don’t fully know the story of purim, which is recorded in the scroll of esther, or megillat esther. the megillah’s my favourite story, and has so many amazing midrashim (bit like rabbinical fanfiction) that i study year round. this story, which is the story of how a young jewish woman saved our people from a genocide, has a lot of parallels with our current political situation in the u.s., so i thought now would be a great time to tell the story!

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Maggie’s Drive to Midvale

“Alex breaking down while home and Maggie comes after her” prompt from @lastbestplace and “Eliza calling Maggie to check on her post break up. What if Eliza reveals she also never wanted kids (Jeremiah did) but her perspective changed when she had Alex?  Maggie shows up in Midvale to make things right and get Alex back.” from @crimson-archangel and “how maggie got through her first night without alex (i know. sorry.)” from @freewillandphysics


She’s drunk.

She’s too drunk to drive and she’s almost too drunk to sling words together, let alone put one foot in front of the other.

She’s heard through the grapevine that Kara whisked Alex off to Midvale. 

She would take her bike out there right now if she wasn’t sure she’d crash it. If she wasn’t sure it would be completely disrespectful of Alex’s obvious desire to not be with her. 

Completely disrespectful of Alex’s choice to leave her behind. To abandon her for the sake of something, someone, she doesn’t even have yet, might not even want for years now. 

She orders another round.

Her phone buzzes.

Her heart leaps, because maybe it’s Alex. Maybe it’s Alex, calling to tell her that she loves her, that she’s changed her minds, that we should kiss the girls we wanna kiss and she wants to kiss…

It’s not Alex.

It’s Alex’s mother.

Maggie fumbles to press the magical green button that will bring her a little bit closer to Alex. Alex’s stubbornness, her persistence, her brilliance. Her cold streak, her warmth, all mixed together. 

She fumbles to press it, fast, because god, no, please say nothing’s happened to Alex, that nothing’s wrong, that – 

“Dr. Danvers, is everything alright? Is Alex okay? Kara?”

There’s a slight silence on the other end, and Maggie frowns at her phone, like it’s offended her, like it caused Eliza to butt dial her, like – 

“You’re going to have to say that again, Maggie dear, I’m afraid I couldn’t understand you.”

Maggie puts her finger in her opposite ear like that will help Eliza hear better.

No. 

No, that’s not it. She must have been slurring. All that alcohol.

Dammit.

She tries again, repeating herself, slower this time, more intentional.

“Yes, yes, the girls are safe, no one’s hurt. I was… I was actually calling about you, sweetie. I wanted to see if you’re with someone who can take care of you. But you… you sound like you’re alone. With a bottle of the same thing Alex is glued to right now.”

She says that last part more to herself than to Maggie, but Maggie hears, and her heart shreds.

“You didn’t have to call, Dr. Danvers, you… you have your own kids to take care of – “

“Just because you and Alex don’t think you can work it out doesn’t mean you’re no longer a daughter to me, Maggie.”

She nearly starts sobbing at the sentiment, but something in the detective part of her brain slows her emotions. She squints. She tilts her head. She leans into her phone almost desperately.

“Don’t think we can work it out? Why? You… do you think we do?”

She hears Eliza chuckle softly, and she wonders if she said something funny. 

“Just as sharp as Alex always says you are, even brimming with alcohol.” She hears her sigh, and it reaches her ear like a loud gust of wind. She nearly drops her phone, but she hangs onto it like a lifeline.

“Dr. Danvers – “

“You’re the only person who knows what’s best for you, Maggie. And I respect you not wanting children. I respect it quite a lot more than you might expect. And I would never want to try and change your mind.”

“But…” Maggie supplies, not knowing if she’s annoyed, angry, or hopeful for the first time since she and Alex had made love for the last time.

The last time.

She nearly chokes on a sob.

“But,” Eliza sighs. “I didn’t… I didn’t want children. Alex was… well, we didn’t conceive on purpose, but Jeremiah wanted a child so badly, and when… I’ve never loved anyone or anything as powerful as I love the woman you’re drinking over right now. And I’m not… I’m not saying that to guilt you, Maggie, or to… I didn’t even intend to say any of this when I called you, but I… you fit together. Your values align. Your goals.”

“Our goals? She wants… she wants PTA meetings and brownies and… and mom stuff!” Maggie splutters, agonized, and Eliza sighs again, but softer this time.

“That’s not all there is to being a parent. And fostering is… taking in Kara was… no. No, no no no no, I’m sorry, Maggie. I didn’t call to convince you of anything any which way, I genuinely called to see if you need anything, if I can do anything. Where are you? Are you home? You sound like you’re at a bar. Can I call you a cab, please? Will you let me do that for you, Maggie dear?”

She does.

She does let her, because she suddenly feels an urgent need to be home. Well, on her work partner’s couch, anyway.

Because she needs to sleep off this drunken stupor. Sleep it off enough to drive.

Because in the morning, that’s exactly what she does.

Drives.

Drives her motorcycle miles and miles and miles, coffee staving off a hangover and nerves keeping her alert.

Alex is on the porch with Eliza and Kara when she gets there.

Her eyes are red and swollen, like she only fell asleep come morning. Like she’s been crying. Like she’s been drinking as much as Maggie has.

She rushes her park job and she tugs off her helmet and she notes vaguely that Eliza is smiling and that Kara looks ready to throw her beyond Saturn, but she only has eyes for Alex.

Alex, who’s dropped her mug of coffee.

Alex, whose eyes are flooded with fresh tears.

Alex, whose jaw is nearly on the porch.

Alex. 

The love of her life.

The woman she wants to marry, the woman she wants to be her forever.

The woman whose name burns in her blood and whose laughter courses through her veins.

“I heard everything you said,” she starts, and Alex walks down from the porch, toward her, like she’s in a trance.

And maybe she is.

Maybe they both are.

“I heard everything you said, about how we can’t be together. About you wanting – needing – to be a mom. And I know you heard me. About how it’s not some trauma issue, how I’m not going to change my mind. And if… if this is crossing too many boundaries, if my being here is harming your healing, I’ll go. I’ll disappear, and you will never see me again.”

Both of their eyes burn with the memories of old words, new. Healed wounds, fresh.

“But if you give me just two minutes of your time, I – “

“Two minutes,” Alex interrupts her, her voice cracked, her eyes blazing, her arms crossed over her chest and her lips moist.

“I know how badly you wanna be a mom. And I respect that. I… it’s not what I expected, but I love that about you. That you want to… Alex, I love everything about you. But we didn’t… we got so wrapped up in what we can’t do that we didn’t get wrapped up in what we could do. You being a mom and us being together but the kid being yours, unless… unless maybe getting to know the kid… your kid… would get me feeling otherwise, and we decided… Or fostering. Maybe teenagers, or older kids, maybe that would feel different to me than raising a baby. I know you made your decision, and I respect it, Alex, I respect you, I just… I just wanted to ask one more time, if we could… I don’t wanna give up on us, babe, I – “

But the rest of her words are lost on Alex’s lips, on Alex’s tongue, on Alex’s hands in her hair and Alex’s tears on her cheeks.

“I love you,” Alex is whispering into her mouth, over and over and over and over, and Maggie is whispering the same, over and over and over and over.

Kara hugs Eliza, back on the porch, and when Maggie finally opens her tear-streaked eyes, finally glances past Alex’s face to those of her family – their family – all she sees are smiles that are welcoming her home.

Maybe, Possibly

Summary: Phil’s mother is adamant that he should be settling down, so invites one of his turbulent exes to an annual family get-together the following day. In a moment of panic, he tells her he’s already dating someone. With no other options, he turns to Dan.

Genre: Reality

Word Count: 9k

Warnings: Some swearing, references to alcohol

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bad decisions | M

Thanksgiving (smut) drabble game: 7. dry humping + Taehyung!

Originally posted by bangtanroyalty

warnings: PWP,  drunk hook up, some good ol’ frottage and a measly handjob. 
word count: 1.5K+

Taehyung sighs in the curve of your neck, lips roaming the soft expanse of skin as his hands can’t seem to find a resting spot in the curves of your body. It’s one am and the silence in his dorm room is as overwhelming as it is exciting; you blame on the bottle of vodka the two of you had while studying for finals.

One hour ago it seemed like a good idea. One hour later, not so much.

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