in 20 years i will try again

1. The friends you have at the beginning of the year can completely change by the end of it. People change, and if they aren’t improving your life in some way, it’s okay to drop them.

2. Take many pictures. Don’t let it take over your life, though. You don’t want to look back and see that you only captured your memories with your camera lens and not within your mind and heart.

3. Find your safe place. Whether it be in the arms of a certain person or on the balcony of Barnes and Nobles with a cup of soup, find it and don’t let it go. You can have more than one safe place.

4. Be nice to everyone. You honestly don’t know what skeletons people are hiding in their closets. Everyone has their skeleton. Every person on this earth has something in their life or past worth collapsing on the ground in uncontrollable sobs over.

5. Reading is so important. Highlight the things that you read that you find intriguing. Read a lot, it can only do good things for you.

6. Writing always helps.

7. The girl with anxiety has the deepest thoughts. The autistic boy has the kindest heart, and the schizophrenic has the ability to put a smile on your face in seconds. Do not judge character based on a mental illness.

8. Music has an indescribable ability to connect and heal. Let it do its thing.

9. Her prettiness doesn’t make your prettiness any less pretty.

10. Getting close and letting someone in is scary as hell. You know what else it is? Worth it.

11. The minute you feel your happiness being dictated by someone else, take a break from them.

12. Adventuring is a must. Sunsets always help the soul, showing that endings can be as beautiful as beginnings.

13. Spend more time with your parents doing things they enjoy. Later in life, you’ll be wishing you’d spent more time with them than on your Netflix account.

14. Home is not always a place, but whatever you love with your whole heart. I have many homes, and it’s okay if one home doesn’t feel like home anymore.

15. Making someone smile and feel genuinely happy has the ability to warm your heart from the inside out. No matter how much pain someone is going through, you made them forget about it for a few seconds. Isn’t that something?

16. Feel everything and let it hurt, but don’t go back to what broke you.

17. Don’t let fear hold you back from what you want. The view from the other side is spectacular.

18. Tell people how you feel. Even if you’re scared it’ll burn your life to the ground. You say it loud.

19. You find the most extraordinary things in the most ordinary places.

20. Swollen lips and sweaty “I want you’s” can make you feel again, but I don’t want to feel anything if it means having to sit there feeling like the wind is constantly being knocked out of me when he stops calling back.

21. Sometimes the way you think of someone isn’t the way they actually are.

22. Never underestimate the amount of joy the holiday season can bring you. Try and find ways to feel that way all year long.

23. Timing is never going to be perfect; if you care about something enough, you’ll make the time. It’s all about priorities.

24. If women used their words to build each other up instead of tearing each other down, our world would change drastically.

25. Recovery can take 2 weeks or 5 years. You aren’t any less of a person if it takes you longer to find a way to let go of what’s hurting your heart.

26. You only need yourself, but having people by your side trying to understand means a lot more than you might think.

27. You find your truest friends in your darkest hours.

28. You can feel the whole world in a month and nothing after 2 years. Time does not define love.

29. Always say yes to dessert.

30. Concerts make life worth living. So does yelling your favorite song along with your best friend in the car with your best friend with hands intertwined. These are things that show you that you don’t need to be on drugs to feel invincible.

31. So does kissing.

—  emmuuhhhhh, 31 Things I’ve Learned Coming Into 2016
6 Motivation Tips for College

As we all know (or have heard), college is a seriously hands-on-deck, time consuming experience, no matter what you study. That’s not to say that it’s all stress-inducing, all the time, but it requires a different kind of time management and focus than what you’re used to in high school. The difficulty of it all can sometimes be a little overwhelming/disheartening, which is why it is always important to find different ways to stay motivated and on-task. Here are some of the ways I keep myself going when I’m so close to quitting:

1. Picture the end-game: this is a classic. Whenever I’ve studied so much that I’m close to tears, I remember my goals. Short-term first, then long-term. I think, “Okay, no, you can’t give up because you told yourself at the beginning of this semester that you wanted all A’s. You have to keep going for those A’s.” and afterwards I follow it up with, “And why is it that you want those A’s? Because you want to get into a kickass med school!”

2. Think about others/build expectations: sometimes, just thinking about yourself isn’t enough. I have my slacker periods when I think “So what if I don’t do well in this test? I’ve done well enough in others”, or “I’ll do better in the next one”. I try to remember that I’m trying to build a relationship with the professor during this class; it gives me an extra ‘oomph’. I may exaggerate that relationship sometimes, but it helps to think that the professor is used to work of high caliber from you, and that he/she expects you to do well. This one works well for me because I don’t like disappointing people, and I take meeting expectations as a personal challenge.

3. Be competitivewith yourself: don’t, I repeat, don’t compare yourself to others. You get nothing out of it. If there’s something you learn from the studyblr community, it’s that everybody learns and executes in a different way. Personally I’ve found that competition in classrooms does not motivate me, because it’ll just end up making me feel bad whether I do better or worse than others. But competing against myself? Much better. I try to push myself to do a little better than I did last time, or start revising a little earlier for the next test. When I compare my new results with older ones, it’s a learning experience even if I don’t do better. It helps me understand myself and my needs a little more.

4. Take a break: when people tell you that you can’t stop or you won’t get everything done? THAT IS A LIE. A breather is necessary as heck!!! If you’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious, you won’t learn as well or be as productive than if you’re dedicated to your work. Sometimes I’m okay with just a few minutes of closing my eyes and listening to a favorite piece of music, other times I need something a little longer like a 20-minute episode of The Office. I try not to let it extend much more than that though, because from personal experience, the longer you put off starting up again, the harder it gets.

  • Pro tip: I’ve been talking to first year medical students recently to get advice for next August (for those of you who don’t know, I’ll be beginning my medical studies then), and one of them told me, “Listen. Everyone has their relaxation thing. I love hanging out and being with people, and sometimes I’m so fixated on the fact that I can’t go out and have fun with my friends because I’m stuck studying that I throw 3 hours away just staring at my book. I’ve learned that it’s better to just get that thing you want to do out of the way, and then go back and study. You’ll be happier and feel a lot better than you did before.” (WITH DISCRETION, OBVIOUSLY)

5. Stationery: ah, yes, like most of you, I am obsessed. Sometimes all it takes is just finding the perfect pen and paper for what I have in mind to keep myself going.

6. Get involved in the studyblr community: at first, just observing to get ideas about things you want to try is enough to give you an extra boost of motivation, but when you feel like you’re starting to slack off again, try getting involved. Try posting some of your own revision notes or stationery pics! Honestly this community is one of the most warm and welcoming ones out there, and it is super inspiring to get notes and messages from people all over the world who encourage you to run that extra mile, do that extra work to reach your goals.

I hope this serves as useful, and good luck studying to each and everyone of you. Aim high and keep going!

hi, my name is jess and i have a mental illness. this is how i feel i have to introduce myself to people at this point in my life. I’m 20 years old, living with massive depressive disorder, PTSD, and an anxiety disorder. i go to therapy, i take medication but i can get sad, really really sad sometimes, and i can get angry, really really angry sometimes. and sometimes I’m not even me. sometimes i cant get out of bed in the morning, i cant brush my teeth, my hair, go to class, or practice. one minute I’m laughing and the next I’m crying. but i am fighting. sometimes i am happy, unconditionally so, stable, loving, and healthy. ill go to class, ill score the game winning goal, and ill end up with a 4.0 GPA for the semester, sometimes you cant even tell I'm living with this dark cloud inside of me. i cannot guarantee you that i will always wake up with a smile on my face, but i promise you this, i love unconditionally, hard, and whole heartedly. i give my all in everything that i do. i work hard. i have more determination inside of me than most people ive met. ive been to hell and back in my almost 21 years, but ive made it back every time. no matter how sad i get, no matter how shitty i get, i will come back from it, i always do and i always will. so try not to give up on me, because one day ill be back, ill be me again.
—  living with a mental illness in your 20′s
Shut up and let me kiss you again.

Summary: Tom catches you, practicing on how to tell him you are in love with him.

Word Count: 554 (I know it’s pretty short, but I thought of this and it was cute, so I couldn’t help but write it.)

Warnings: None

Note: I might post anoter one shot or Ghost series chapter later today, but it’s not a promise.


“I have a crush on you.” No

“I like you.” Too simple

“I’m in love with you.” Too straightforward

“I want to have your babies.” Too weird

After 20 minutes of practicing in the mirror you still couldn’t think of how to tell him you liked him. You and Tom had been friends since you were 12, and you started developing feelings for him overtime, but you never knew how to express that to him.

“Okay last try.” You said to the mirror taking a breath in before trying again. “I don’t know if you see me the same way, but I really like you and have for the past couple years, I completely understand if you don’t see me the same way and want to stay friends.” You nodded to yourself, that was the perfect one.

You checked your appearance ready to reveal to Tom your biggest secret, when you turned around to see his standing at the doorway a smirk on his face. You covered your face and groaned in embarrassment. “How much did you hear?” You asked.

“Y/N I really recomend you dont tell your crush you want to have his babies.” He laughed, little did he know you were talking about him. “Shut Up Tommy, I just don’t know the right way to tell him.”

He sat on you bed, legs crossed and pulled you to him. You both sat on the bed you in his lap and stayed for a couple seconds until Tom said something. “Why don’t you practice on me?” You turned around to make sure he was serious, and when you saw he wasn’t joking you got off his lap and sat across from him.

How were you going to practice on your crush, on how to tell your crush you like him? It was just to embarrassing and confusing for you to do so you shook your head. “Cmon, it’s not like it’s embarrassing. I’ve known you all my life.” He poked your stomach making you giggle and slap his hands away.

“Okay” You took a second to breathe in and out, calming yourself. You closed your eyes and let the words flow out. “Tom, I really like you, and I’ve had feelings for you for a while but I’ve never had the courage to say anything.” You opened one of your eyes to see his reaction.

He was smiling at you. “That was perfect, what’s his name?” You stared at him in disbelief that he didn’t understand that your statement was towards him. “His name is Tom.” You rolled your eyes hoping he would get what you were saying but instead started going on his phone searching up the name.

“Last name?” He looked up at you with he brown eyes, that you fell in love with. “Holland.” He looked back down at his phone muttering his name, and he still didn’t realize that you were talking about him.

“You’re such an idiot.” You put your finger under his chin, lifting his head up and looked into his eyes before kissing him softly hoping he would kiss back.

And he did. When the kiss ended you both looked at each other. “I presume this Tom Holland is me then?” He smiled at you cheekily.

“Just shutup and let me kiss you again Holland.”

[OFFICIAL] EXO KAI Debut 5th Anniversary Special Message!

Translation : 

Hello, I’m EXO’s Kai! Today is our 5th anniversary. It’s a very special day. We made our debut in 2012 and there’s been a lot of things. It was a happy time with the audience, the concerts, and with you. They were good memories. I’m leaving it now but I have a lot of time later. 10 years, 20 years, 30 years later, I will always be with you and I will give you a good stage with lots of good memories. I hope you remember that time again. Now, April 8th, I will visit you often. I can’t wait to see you again. I hope you’ll wait. And I will be (working) diligently and a humble Kai. I look at the stage now, but I look back on stage five years later. I will always try to be exactly the same. Thank you and keep on loving us.

trans © fykai

Avatar World Week 2017

No matter who your favorite character is, no matter what you ship, one thing this fandom can agree on is we all love Avatar: The Last Airbender and The Legend of Korra. I invite you to join me in showing that love.

Originally posted by shawciopath

It’s fall again. Time for Avatar World week.

Monday, November 20 - Wedding

Tuesday, November 21 - Tea time with Iroh

Wednesday, November 22 - First date

Thursday, November 23 – Cactus juice flim-flammery

Friday, November 24 - 10 years later

Saturday, November 25 - “Where do we go from here?”

Sunday, November 26 - Free day

Also, it would be great to spread some love to others in the fandom. Take the time to send someone a nice message. Tell them you like their art, or writing, or that they’re just a great person. Try to send at least one message to a new person each day, you never know, you might make a new friend.

Things to remember.

1)            All art is welcome. Pictures, gifsets, crafts, fanfiction, whatever. You can make one thing for one day or ten things for each day or any amount in between. If you made it, we want to see it.

2)            Use the tag avatarworldweek so we can find your work.(Because the tags don’t always work, please send a message or tag the blog on the work; @avatarworldweek)

3)            Use the NSFW tag if it applies. Just stay away from anything that can be considered pedophiliac. I know we shouldn’t have to say that, but we’ve all seen the tags.

4)            No Bashing. Everyone has a notp, Avatar World Week it not the time to talk about it.

Trans- Joker

I’ve wanted to write a trans joker thing for a while and finally actually got to it. Part 2 is here! Part 3 is here! Part 4 is here!

Joker bit his lip hard, groaning in pain as cramps ripped through his stomach.

He could handle most kinds of pain, some he even he enjoyed, but this?

This was terrible.

He was experiencing his first period in over 10 years.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I’m a 20 year old girl with a crazy high libido and a lot of kinks. My boyfriend is the opposite. When I told a friend of mine who’s a guy about how I’m not being satisfied (my bf won’t touch my genitals or even try to cater to my kinks), he offered to help me out, especially since I had never had an orgasm. The other day I let him fuck me and I lived out a few of my many kinks, a lot of which we both have. I’ve been sending him nudes and I might meet with him again for another fucking.

x

pegasusdragontiger  asked:

You/Seb are expecting twins and you told Seb to look for a box you'r mum sent of all you're preschool/primary/High School photos and pics of you as a kid and you wanted to go through the albums and sort them out. 15mins later he hasn't returned and you go to find him and he is sitting there going through them and he finds a funny photo ad you are like in shock going no no you're not meant to see them? something hilarious happens?

I’ve heard that being pregnant is either the best or the worst time of your life, but when having twins, I’m not sure it’s possible for it to be the best time. I’m nearing the end of my second trimester and I constantly feel ready to burst. Sebastian is incredibly helpful, almost to a fault. He wants to do everything for me, which is kind, but I’m more the kind of person who wants to do things for myself. This became even more unbearable when the doctor gave me a lifting restriction and told me I could only work from home. Without going to work I was stuck in the apartment all day, everyday.

As much as I love spending all my time with Sebastian, sometimes it’s nice to have a break. I may have minorly yelled at him for helping me this morning and I may now be hiding in the bedroom to avoid talking to him. He knows me well enough to know that I need time to cool down and when I’m ready I’ll go find him, but I’m still impressed that he hasn’t come in yet.

After a little longer I decide that I’m calm enough to go make up with him. I push myself up from the bed and start towards the living room when I hear a muffled laugh. I look suspiciously down the hall, waiting to hear it again before I make my presence known. He does laugh again, this time a little louder. I step around the corner, expecting him to look up, but he’s too interested in whatever he has that he doesn’t notice me. I walk as quietly as I can until I’m standing behind the couch and looking over his shoulders. He’s looking through a box and it doesn’t take me long to remember a conversation I had with my mom earlier in the week.

“Sebastian!” I squeal suddenly, causing him to jump and throw the pictures as he gets up from the couch. “What are you doing?”

“I just, um, there was a box and it was addressed to both of us so I thought I’d just open it and you were upset so I didn’t get you and I, um” he rambles on while talking with his hands and trying to explain himself.

I plant my hands on my hips and narrow my eyes at him. “So you thought, ‘(y/n)’s mad at me so I’m just going to open this mail without her even though it’s from her mom and addressed to both of us’?”

“It wasn’t exactly those words”

“Whatever” I stomp back to the bedroom and slam the door behind me. It doesn’t take long for him to come in this time. I’ve barely laid down on the bed when there’s a tentative knock on the door.

“(y/n)? Babe? Can I come in please?” I mumble a response that could be interpreted either way and he cracks the door open to look at me before entering completely. He has the box in his hands and I notice it’s now taped shut.

“What are you doing?” I squint at him.

“I just got the mail and there’s a package from your mom. I thought we could open it together” he smiles at me, hopeful that I’ll accept the offering. I sigh but accept it, sitting up on the bed and reaching for the box. He hands it over before crawling up to sit behind me and wrapping his arms around my ever growing tummy. He rests his chin on my shoulder and watches me open the box.

My mom told me earlier in the week that she was sending me a package of stuff from when I was a baby. Things like her favorite dresses, my cuddle blanket, and my first pair of shoes. I wasn’t expecting there to be much more than that, but clearly Sebastian found something in there to be quite amusing. I take out the dresses first, inspecting all of them and hold them up for Sebastian to coo at. The shoes are next, just a small pair of mary jane pink flats. I find them cuter than Sebastian does, but he pretends to make a big fuss for my sake. I pull out the blanket then, it’s nothing special, just a small square of fabric with an elephant pattern on it. I fold it next to the dresses before looking back in the box. In the bottom there’s an envelope that says ‘school photos’ on it. I cringe lightly before pulling it out to open it.

“Is this what you thought was so funny?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, you just opened the box, how could I know what was in it”

“You’re such an ass”

“Just open the envelope” he says with a squeeze and a kiss to the neck.

I comply and pull out the pictures. It doesn’t start out bad, pictures from elementary school aren’t much to be embarrassed about. It started to get worse once we hit the middle school photos. I cringe as we pass through the ‘goth’ stage that consisted of bad bangs, black nail polish, and eyeliner that was constantly smeared down my face. Sebastian only chuckles a little at my discomfort. We get through the rest of middle school with little to worry about, and I’m beginning to wonder what had him laughing so hard. I’m nearing the end of highschool and I’m beginning to think I over reacted when I finally see the last picture.

I didn’t remember it being taken let alone think it would be included since it was from college. Let me start from the beginning: I was in college when Captain America: The First Avenger came out. And, like most 20 something year olds, I was totally smitten over Captain America. This, combined with some alcohol, led to a series of pictures that include me kissing various part of the movie poster.

My whole body heats up as I take in the photo of myself making out with a movie poster that Sebastian is in. He starts laughing all over again, letting go of me and falling back on the bed as fits of giggles wash over him. I try to pout for a moment but his laugh is too infectious, before I know it I’m laughing along with him.

“I can’t believe you made out with a Chris Evans movie poster”

“Shut up, I was drunk, okay?” I roll my eyes sarcastically.

“I feel like I should be jealous. I was on the poster too”

“You were, but you didn’t come out of machine, shirtless and glistening now did you?”

“Did you just say ‘glistening’?”

“Yes! He was shiny and muscley, I couldn’t help myself”

“Right” he glares playfully at me.

“Don’t be mad, Seba, obviously I came around and realized who the right choice was”

“Damn right you did” he pulls me down to lay against him and kisses my head. We stay like that for a while before he breaks the silence. “But I’m still sending that picture to Chris”


A/N: I finally had time to do one of your requests! I decided to do this one first because I haven’t written Sebastian in a while and I was excited that you requested him. anywaysss, I hope you like this and I promise I’m still working on your other requests! 

Permanent Tag List: @amistillmyself @megandrawsspace @giftofdreams @wildestdreamsrps @iamwarrenspeace @castellandiangelo @always-an-evans-addict @pegasusdragontiger

2

***When I had done the first part to this imagine, some people wanted to have the second part to see the birth, some wanted them as children and how Tig would interact with them , some wanted them as teenagers. So I decided to do something different and do this one as sort of a time lapse. Showing the boys at different stages in their lives in one story. Let me know how you guys like it ❤️***

Part 1 —> https://imagineredwood.tumblr.com/post/141239331370/i-think-ill-have-up-another-one-tonight


Opening your eyes, you winced at the bright lights, bringing your hand up cover them.

“How’re you feeling baby?”

Looking to the side, you saw Tig siting right beside the hospital bed in his chair, one of your beautiful babies cradled in his arm. You immediately lit up, seeing your child that you’d longed to see for months as he lay there asleep in his father’s embrace.

“Ok. Tired. And sore.”

Tig nodded with a chuckle.

“Well I’d be worried if you weren’t after all that.”

You laughed softly too and then winced, the pressure feeling uncomfortable.

Looking back, you noticed that Tig was only holding one of the twins. He saw your eyes and could read your mind.

“He’s over there.”

You followed his finger and looked across the room to see Chibs holding your other child, his big blue eyes wide open as the older man spoke to him in what sounded like Gaelic, Juice sitting close beside him and peering down at the baby in awe while Gemma was knitting some mittens over in the corner. Lyla was at the dresser unpacking your bag, putting your clothes away while Jax was at the door, telling the nurse that you had woken up and we’re feeling the pain coming back and asking if you could have some more meds. You smiled, your eyes welling up as you continued to look around your room in the maternity ward, your family all there and providing support. Tig noticed and smiled as well, reaching over with his free hand to caress your cheek lovingly. He was sure that the fluctuations of hormones your body was going through was throwing your emotions around and he simply stayed quiet, letting you shed your happy tears and wiping them away as they fell.

“I love you baby.”

“I love you too Tig.”

He leaned over to kiss you, his lips pressing against your ever so softly. As he pulled away, the baby began to stir and whine, his mouth sucking at the air and Tig grabbed him, beginning to place him on your chest.

“Looks like someone’s hungry.”

You grinned as he clung to you, using his tiny hands to pull himself up your chest, his mouth moving along the skin of your chest, searching for your nipple. Chibs and Juice stayed focused in the corner, Jax going over with them to give you your privacy while Gemma stood and came over with a warm smile, helping you position yourself.

“Turn a little to the side and hold his bottom like this.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“But I wanna go with Juice!”

“No I’m going with him!”

“No, me!”

“No me!”

“Both of you stop!”

The boys stopped bickering as you scolded them, pointing a finger at them. Their eyes looked up at you, ready to start pleading their case until Tig walked in. Then they immediately ran to him, hoping they’d trick him into letting them go on a ride with Juice.

“Daddy, I wanna go on Uncle Juice’s bike.”

“No I am!”

“Nu uh!”

“Boys, stop.”

They stopped again, Tig grimacing as you chuckled in the kitchen, knowing that you were waiting for him to get home so they could ambush him.

“You’re both too young, you’re not even 4 yet. You’re too small to be on a motorcycle just yet. You have to wait a couple more years.”

It didn’t take long for the water works to start, you grabbing your purse off of the counter along with your keys before you waved at Tig.

“See you boys. Be good for daddy.”

Suddenly they stopped whining and their tears dried up immediately, their heads snapping towards you before they rushed over to the door to start pulling on their shoes.“

“I’ll go with you mommy!”

“Me too!”

Now it was Tig’s turn to chuckle as you pouted. You thought you’d be able to get this weeks grocery shopping done quickly on your own but that didn’t seem to be the case. Instead, you walked back into the kitchen, grabbing a couple juice boxes and bags of chips, throwing them into a lunch box while the boys pulled on their sneakers. With their light up kicks on and ready to go, they stood back up and smiled, reaching up to grab each of your hands.

“Ready mommy.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With your hand on the door knob, you knocked softly before slowly opening the door, Jake sleeping soundly in his bed. You smiled as you looked at your son, unable to believe that he was a teenager already. Sitting on the edge of the bed beside him, you placed your hand on his head, running your hand along his head softly as you leaned down to kiss his cheek.

“Time to wake up baby. You gotta start getting ready.”

The 14 year old grumbled, shaking his head and relaxing further into the bed.

“Five more minutes.”

“I’ve given you 20 more minutes. You gotta be at the bus stop in 30 minutes or you’re gonna miss it. And don’t you dare try to miss it on purpose again because I have no problem having dad drop you off.”

With a grunt, he nodded and began to sit up.

“Fine.”

“Thank you baby. I’ll meet you down stairs. Hurry so you can eat some breakfast before you go.”

With that, you walked out of his room and back into the living room, Jason already dressed and half way done with his breakfast. You ran your fingers through his hair as you passed him, grabbing his cup to pour him some more orange Juice as Tig finally came out as well.

“Hairs getting long babe.”

Your son nodded, shoveling more scrambled eggs into his mouth as Tig responded.

“He’s trying to look like his old man. Get his hair as long and luscious as mine. Though his will never be as nice.”

You both laughed as Tig exaggeratedly shook his head, his curls dangling and swinging as he did. He chuckled himself as he began to pour himself a cup of coffee, leaning over to throw an arm around your waist and bring you in for a kiss.

“Gross. Get a room.”

You pulled away as you heard Jake’s voice, him walking into the living room shirtless for breakfast, smirking as his father punched his shoulder.

“Get a room my ass. You pay bills here? This whole house is my room.”

With a roll of your eyes, you pulled away from Tig and got a plate to begin serving your son breakfast as Tig poked his finger at them.

“And it ain’t gross. It’s the only reason you little shitheads exist.”

“Alright Tig, that’s enough about our sex life ok?”

The boys nodded, thankful for your intervention.“

"Thanks mom.” “Yeah really.”

You placed the plate of bacon and eggs down in front of your son.

“Hurry up and eat Jake. You got 20 minutes.”

“Do I have to go today? Chibs said he would show me how to fix and alternator today.”

“And he will, this afternoon when you come back from school.”

He said nothing, but you could still see the anger on his face and you softly took hold of his chin in your hand, pulling his face to look up at you.

“You have to go to school so you can build a skill. Something to fall back on and provide for yourself when we can’t. We won’t be here forever. Education is the one thing no one can take away from you. You don’t have to go to college and become some neuroscientist, but I do want you to have a basic education. Ok?”

His face softened and he nodded, knowing you only wanted the best for him.

“Ok mom.”

You smiled softly and squeezed his jaw gently before letting go and grabbing his brothers plate to put in the sink. As you turned around, you saw Tig staring at you, adoration in his eyes. You blushed but said nothing, starting to wash the plates and dirty pans from breakfast and get ready for work.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Morning mom.”

“Good morning baby. And my other baby.”

The boys laughed and put out their cigarettes before they stood from the table in front of the clubhouse, taking you into their arms at the same time, the unmistakable sound of leather folding flooding your ears as their kuttes rubbed together in the group hug. You pulled away from them and placed a hand on each of their cheeks, staring up at their tall frames. They looked down at you with nothing but love, proud smiles on their faces at their new patches they’d gotten last night in church.

“How long is this lockdown for?”

“Don’t know yet. Probably a week or so. Maybe more. Three of the Croweaters that are roommates downtown were found dead this morning. Another Old Lady said she saw a car parked outside of her kids school two days in a row when she dropped them off. They sped away when they saw he trying to take down the plate. We don’t know for sure that they were related but Chibs wants everyone in here until he figures it out.”

You nodded and they moved with you, bringing you inside as they sensed your uneasiness.

“Don’t worry mom. Everything will be fine. We won’t let anything happen to you. You know that.”

You appreciated the sentiment but rolled your eyes none the less, lightening the mood.

“I used to wipe your butts and now you two are over here telling me you’ll protect me.”

The two boys, now men, smiled cockily, Jake walking further up ahead to open the door for you while Jason threw his arm around your shoulders.

“Well someone’s gotta be there to watch after you as you get old.”

“Old? I was kickin’ ass before you two were even a thought.”

“Yeah and now your sons can kick ass for you. Speaking of kicking ass, I saw how that cashier guy was looking at you yesterday at the store-”

With that, you rolled your eyes and your mom voice came out, despite their 6'3 shadows casted over you.

“Both of you get your asses inside before you father sends out a search party for us.”

They nodded reluctantly and went with you inside, Jake muttering to his brother about paying the cashier a visit later on, Jason immediately agreeing. You didn’t get a chance to scold them before they dashed off to the bar with childish smiles, Tig coming up behind you.

“Hey doll.”

“Hi baby.”

You shared a quick kiss and Tig passed you a glass of wine, you thanking him and taking a deep sip as his voice rang out.

“So I heard that cashier downtown was eyeing you…”

anonymous asked:

hannah ive been following u for years and i really love and respect you, in any other situation i 100% would just unfollow but i have grown attached to you but i have to ask why are you writing such unhealthy ships? haymitch and katniss? luke and annabeth? they both have a age gap that it too large to ignore

hey buddy i wanna thank you for like, coming to me and asking! instead of dropping a lecture or one liner into my inbox u know, i am definitely happy to chat about this stuff. and also please know that like…if it does bug you or there’s too much content from my blog that you don’t like anymore, please feel free to unfollow me, i don’t want to hold you hostage or anything! 

the first thing i want to say though is that i have been writing these kinds of ships for years. possibly not in the fandoms you are in! but i have been writing alina/darkling content since 2014 and that ship involves dude putting a collar on the protagonist and threatening to kill everyone she loves, which is probably not making all that great a case for myself now. but sort of the point i am making here is that, this is not a new aspect of my writing. i have been writing messy ships since i was 14 years old, and i will probably be doing it until i am old and grey from natural causes instead of purple toner.

the second thing i want to say is that….sort of when you present Just The Ships and Their Age Gaps, it ignores everything i’ve actually written. Context is super important. For example: The Hunger Games is an extremely unhealthy book series. Multiple characters die, often for no reason except to point out that Bad Things Happen Even When You’re In The right. Finnick gets sold into sex slavery. The series ends with Peeta like…still occasionally having to restrain himself from attacking Katniss. Katniss actively hates herself throughout the whole series and her love interest is tortured into wanting to murder her, and actively attempting it. Thousands of people watch a yearly event in which children murder each other. 

All of this is super fucking unhealthy! And the narration portrays it that way. You know when shit’s messy, when it’s bad, hen it’s hideous, when it’s a nightmare. it’s ‘children murdering game: the book!’ and we love it. we engage with it, we find it interesting, we read two whole books about Katniss in these terrible and traumatic games.

so i wrote a fic about two people who are suffering from a hideous trauma that they will never really truly heal from. i wrote a story about a girl who no longer has the ability to process her grief appropriately, who is crawling through life day after day with no real reason to keep doing it at that moment except for the fact that it’s what she was doing the day before. she goes and talks to the only other person in the series who has really been established as Being Like Her. I’m not getting into it because we’ll be here forever, but there are parallels between Haymitch and Katniss all throughout the series. In another world they’re victors together, getting drunk every year and watching more children die. 

In this fic, Haymitch is the only person Katniss feels that she can talk to who will give her a reason to keep living that is grounded in something that she can actually connect with and understand. and there’s also an element of control there - she removes the drink from him, she straddles him, she kisses him, she puts her hand to his throat, she is scrabbling for something to hold on to and he’s letting her because he thinks it’ll help.

at no point in this fic is the narration going ‘and then they lived happily ever after’. it’s two desperately broken people struggling to cope with the minimal tools they have at hand. i’ve written other takes on this ship before, but it pretty much always comes down to ‘katniss uses haymitch in an attempt to either feel something or because he is someone that she can control in her life (unlike peeta, who is Too Good For Her), and haymitch lets her because he also wants to feel something, because he hates himself, because he thinks he’s helping’.

for me, all of this is something that fits in very well with the tone of thg. there is also a huge age gap. i would not support a 17/18 year old straddling a 40 something year old dude in real life, just like i would not support the game-murder of children. i still find these things interesting to read about. if you read and enjoyed the hunger games, you also found the game-murder of children interesting to read about. i do not find age gaps, specifically, interesting to read about but i do find the aforementioned dynamic between the characters of katniss and haymitch interesting to read about, interesting to ship, interesting to write, and they come with an age gap that, in the context of all the other things that are fucked up about the hunger games, doesn’t bother me.

WHICH leads me to the other pairing you mentioned. Luke and Annabeth? Totally do have an age gap and context that bugs me (the canon isn’t as messy and the characterisation/context/audience is much younger). So i don’t…ship it when they’re 12 and 19. I don’t even ship it when they’re 16 (17??? riordan and/or my memory isn’t clear) and 23/4. Reading any of the fic I’ve written for them, i’m actually pretty careful to make it clear that Annabeth is in her early 20s (i think she’s 21 in tire fire verse, and 22 or 23 in the latest fic i wrote? i do know that i wrote a specific age for her so that it would be clear). Given that Luke has been dead and in Tartarus for several years in both verses, he’s like….25 or something? In those fics.

I also wrote a bunch of headcanon for them a couple of years ago, i think. And i opened it with talking about the age gap not being my thing, so i was going to ignore it. Bam, Luke is now 15 at the start of the series and 19 when PJO is over. The power of fanfiction is to make whatever changes to the canon you want. i’m not beholden to whatever ages riordan set out, it’s perfectly sensible for me to keep the characterisation and ignore the ages nothing Luke does in canon is reliant on him being seven years older than Annabeth, so I can make hiim not that. if i wanna keep the age gap, i can just set the fic when Annabeth’s in her 20s. 

OR maybe i eventually write something where Annabeth is 16 and Luke is 23 and it’s messy and unhealthy and Bad. i don’t personally have any interest in writing that at this point, but that’s where Context swoops in again. 

my job as a writer is to make sure that my narration is adequate in getting across the story i’m trying to tell. boiling it down to ‘hannah ships x ships and that’s bad because they have a big age gap’ doesn’t work for me because it’s ignoring literally everything i’ve written. i know it’s unhealthy, my dude. i wrote it to be unhealthy. if i’m any good at what i do, anyone reading it will also know that it’s unhealthy. one of the interesting things about the luke and annabeth fics for me is that i actually write them specifically to be bad for Luke.  he has come back from Tartarus and is willing to pretty much do whatever Annabeth wants him to do out of atonement, and i write Annabeth angry and hurting and either willing to use that, or not quite realising what his motives are just yet. it’s messy, and it’s unhealthy, and i stand firm in all cases that the narration and the story supports that.

i think one thing that bugs me is that….one of my most beloved fics is After, in the pjo fandom. That’s a fic in which Percy and Annabeth quite literally beat the shit out of each other. Not in a sparring way. They break up because they make each other scared. Because they keep hurting each other. It’s an intentionally abusive dynamic, and i have literally never once had this raised in any way shape or form in the years that i have been writing that verse.

the pjo/thg sad crossover? finnick is blatantly being used as a sex slave throughout the series, as is luke. percy is about to game-murder a bunch of children. the very first chapter has Finnick freaking out about Percy being wanted by the capitol both because it makes him vulnerable to being picked by the games, and because of the threat of sex slavery. i’ve only hinted around the edges of it so far, but Percy has and will have to grapple with the threat of that in the series, because it’s an established part of the THG verse and i knew going into this that i wasn’t going to…shy away from the ugly parts of that world or otherwise dilute it, because i think that THG has a lot of important things to say about voyeurism and sex and violence that i didn’t want to take away from in writing this crossover.

No one has e v e r taken issue with me for writing a frankly horrific au. a part of the reason it takes me so long to update that one is because it’s fucking emotionally wrecking. it’s something i have to think a lot about before i start writing it. it takes a lot of emotional energy for me to write, and…people really love that fic, my man. it is Unhealthy as fuck, it’s dark as hell, and it’s probably one of my most popular pieces. i’ve never had a single negative or even neutral comment on or about it.

The concept of darkPercy? He nearly drowns someone in their own tears. Fandom goes nuts for it, and i’ve never seen a single person taken to task for having an unhealthy, unconsented choking kink.

Princess Leia and Han Solo? Age gap of ten years, and she’s 18 when they meet. One of the most beloved romances of all time, no one skips a beat when it come to shipping them.

i do find myself really bothered by these inconsistencies, because i know that people are deciding what kind of a person i am based on ‘x ship, y age gap’. like…even you, my dude, who have followed me for years are asking me, bewildered, about how i could be writing these unhealthy things when i have been doing this all along. the entire many years you’ve been following me and loving me, friend. 

i write cute things, i write messy things, i write unhealthy things, i write sweet and romantic things. you definitely don’t have to read them and you definitely don’t have to follow me if you don’t like my content, but. this has always been my content. you’ve just happened to notice on unhealthy aspect about it in particular that bugs you, while the other unhealthy things i have written about either haven’ bothered you, or you didn’t consider them unhealthy in the first place.

I’m gonna rant about this AGAIN & never speak on it again. Why is “age” such a big deal to some people in this fandom? Grayson literally just posted a picture with a caption talking about equality & no bullying. & yet here some of you are coming at people because of how old they are? Stop trying to shame someone because they’re a few years older than the twins. Your age doesn’t stop you from being a fan of someone. Saying anyone that’s 20+ can’t be fans of the twins is like saying anyone 17 & under can’t be fans of any celebrity thats over 18. Y’all see how dumb that sounds? The twins make people happy! Even people twice their age. There’s no rule that says you have to be a certain age to like them. I wish y’all would stop with the age shaming. It’s honestly so annoying. I’m sure if we could do a poll, I’m sure you’ll be surprise to see how many people in this fandom are over 18. Stop being so close minded. There’s plenty of room for everyone! Spread the love, & stop spreading the hate! Everyone is equal. I don’t care how old you are. I don’t care what race, or what gender you are. EVERYONE IS WELCOME INTO THIS FANDOM! & anyone who thinks otherwise can kiss my 23 year old ass! 

2

I saw the advertisement for the MOOK magazine for the new pokemon movie and I ended up buying it to get the cute Pikachu bag (RIP my old and dirty one ;-;).

I thought the magazine was only about known movie footage and usual pokemon company advertisement… But I was gladly wrong, the interviews are quite nice and included not only the usual m20 stars (The main characters of the movie sans Cross and the director Yuyama) but also Team Rocket’s, Misty’s, Brock’s and even Professor Oak’s voice actors!

Most of the questions were quite generic but I was quite surprised by some answers. For instance, Megumi Hayashibara cited so many things when they asked her which episodes left an impression on her (…even Rumika-chan/Jessebelle was mentioned, lol), I thought that was so nice!

EDIT: lol my bad, Yuji Ueda talked about the hoax regarding the Takeshi’s Paradise ED. I’ll type the whole thing down later for clarification - my bad!

Also, Mayumi Iizuka (Misty’s voice actress)’s interview was cute until it kind of hurt me badly when they asked, even now after 20 years, if she had something to tell Ash, Pikachu and Team Rocket. 「また一緒に旅にしたいなあ」(“Hey, I want to travel together with you again”)…

There’s much more but I’ll try to read it more carefully when I have extra time during the obon holiday. Now, back to work!

The Thing about leaving the Jehovas Witnesses after beeing born and raised in it is how everybody pretents you had a choice.

Its how everybody pushed you forwards to doing everything you can, to go from door to door to talk to stangers about a high control cult you didn’t fully believed in yourself yet.
How they made you go to these meetings three times a week where they burned the thoughts into your brain that this is the only right thing and everything “worldly” was bad and evil.

How they frown upon you and the elders talk to you for accidentaly singing a christmas song you heard or for not paying attention at the meetings.
How they completely screwed up your definition of right and wrong on the basis of a manipulated believe.

This and so much more before you’re even a teenager. Before you even understand the word brainwashing, it had happened to you.

And then, when you are lucky enough to stumble upon something that made you question this whole thing, its your fault. Its Satans fault. Its the fault of this world.
And as ridiculous as it sounds, it scares you to your core.

And when it finally happens and you decide to leave, the only truly own choice you ever had in this cult, you are blamed for making the wrong choice. Because questioning “god” is wrong. It makes you the evil one.

And once you’re out, you should feel happy but you’re not. You are scared. You are angry. You are hurt and confused. Because now you have to try to live the live that has been taken from you for the last 20 years.

And sometimes I wish I could stop this cult from ever doing this to another child again.

Doctors are babies!!!

More of a fuck-associate rather than boss or customer.

So i’ve been at this eye glass place for about three months, where we offer eye exams with the purchase of two glasses. I’m the technician in the pre test room, basically the person who gets the information the doctor needs and blows air into your eye. I also have to try to sell you extra tests that lets the doctors see if you have eye diseases we normally can’t see. It can be an extra $20 or $15.
Now, again, i’m relatively new but i’ve quickly climbed up the ranks cause i’m so good at selling extra tests cause i’ve been in customer service for three years and am a natural flirt. I’ve broken the sales goal of my store three times in the time i’ve been here. My boss loves me. One of the doctors however…
We have two doctors. One is super fast and just wants to be done as quick as he can. The other likes to take his time if he can but always tries to rush me. He always leaves passive aggressive notes on what others are doing wrong, especially me, but will be kind to our faces.
Well, this one doctor has decided that I’ve been going too slow with patients (i take like 5-10 minutes depending, i’m not at all slow) so he’s been taking charts out of MY queue to see them without pretesting. So, not only are they not in the system, we don’t have measurements on them, and i’m losing sales. It’s been screwing up my numbers so i’m gonna look bad. not only that, the customers have a higher chance of having the wrong script cause we didn’t pretest them.
So the doctor is being vindictive and wrong and not only that!!! He had called corporate on the other doctor who had been doing it a few months before i. came!!!!!!! I’m so livid I almost cried. He’s not even my boss, my boss is also his boss he just has a degree.

On Buckingham Nicks, 44 years later

About six months ago, I submitted a proposal for a book on Buckingham Nicks for the 33 1/3 series. It’s in some weird limbo state now, but I’m really proud of the work I did, and I love these words about this album that I love so much that I couldn’t just put them in a drawer and walk away. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them.

“Let me ask you a question first,” producer Keith Olsen says not even three minutes into our first phone call. It’s a warm, beautiful spring day in Lake Tahoe; he’s spent most of it trying to place tom-tom drums on a mix he’s been sent. It’s been tedious work — like Photoshop with a bad picture, he explains — but he’s worked with worse. In the meantime, my call is a welcome distraction.

“Sure,” I respond, caught a little off-guard at how quickly he jumps into things. I thought I was the one who was supposed to be asking the questions.
“Why?” he asks.
“Why?” I repeat his question back.
“Yeah. Why? Why are you writing about Buckingham Nicks? Why do you love this album?”

It’s a simple question, one I don’t have a simple answer to.

I first heard Buckingham Nicks when I was 21 years old, nearly four decades after it was released. I was home from college for a weekend, and though I didn’t even have a turntable of my own yet, I was still trying to build my personal library to have something to play when I did. My father’s seemingly endless record collection that sat untouched in our basement was — and continues to be — a reliable and plentiful resource, one I can sift through countless times and still find something I hadn’t noticed before.

“You’ll really like that one,” my father said when I showed him my selections. He wasn’t singling out his copy of Berlin or Excitable Boy, not Some Girls or Combat Rock or More Songs About Buildings and Food. He pointed to the old, faded LP from 1973 with a wind-blown, half-naked, young unknown couple on the cover, the album that you’d likely never see on a Pitchfork list of must-have albums. The corners were tattered, the inner sleeve torn, but when I pulled it out, the record itself was in perfect form. “It’s Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham before they were in Fleetwood Mac.”

I had known about Buckingham Nicks for a few years, but it seemed like a myth. Later, I would find bootleg digital rips on the internet, but at the time, I only knew it as a cult favorite long out of print on vinyl, never made available officially on cassette, CD, or any streaming service, and rarely talked about. It seemed like the holy grail of records, one that you were either lucky enough to find and hear or not.

Maybe that’s part of its enduring magic. It’s elusive. There’s no instant gratification, no shrink-wrapped copy at Urban Outfitters or quick download on iTunes or stream on Spotify. It isn’t music that presents itself to you. It has to be found, the same way I found it digging through crates of old records in a damp basement one day.

Buckingham Nicks isn’t technically remarkable. Its music and lyrics, at times, sound juvenile, show how young Buckingham and Nicks are, both in life and in art. There’s no clear focus; some tracks could belong on an entirely different project. But, still, I fell in love with it. I fell in love with it because it’s pure. It’s raw. I fell in love with it because, when I hear it, I don’t hear Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks, rock icons. I hear Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks, two kids my age, completely in love with each other, completely determined to become successful, however success may present itself, and not quite sure of much else.

I fell in love with it because it was unexpected, because it changed the way I looked at the Buckingham Nicks we know now, the ones I was first introduced to as a teenager, who had, until then, lived in my mind simply as two parental figures of rock and roll:

Lindsey plays the role of the aging father: there to tell tales of hedonistic glory days — the stories you can listen to and think of the way you think of your own parents in their youth, both impressed and embarrassed that they were once that cool — with a newly-mellowed and romantic outlook. There’s less of a sting to his art now. He’s less bitter, more sure of himself, but always eager to keep a hand in the game, still wanting to understand what it is the kids are doing these days.

Stevie Nicks is the great maternal comfort, the self-proclaimed fairy godmother to thousands of women and girls who find safety and comfort in her music, whose voice consistently serves as a lighthouse when feel like you have lost your way. Her words offer their guidance and encouragement, whisper confidence in your ears, sing you a soft lullaby when you can’t sleep at night.

By and large, Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks seem like two people who have, for the most part, figured their shit out.

But for 37 minutes, I can slip this record on and those figures disappear. For 37 minutes, they are two young 20-somethings, forever suspended in time and acetate as my peers. For 37 minutes, we are the same: kids masquerading as grown-ups while trying to figure out how to exactly be grown-ups, as we try to figure out how to be heard in this world, looking at others doing what we want to be doing with a mixture of admiration, envy, determination, and fear. For 37 minutes, they’re just two kids trying to make something happen, knowing where they wanted to be and still trying to figure out how to stumble towards a finish line that seems to keep move further and further away.

It’s odd to think of two icons as my peers, but when I’m lying on the floor of my small New York apartment, exhausted and exasperated and wondering “what am I doing with my life?” yet again, it’s comforting — and almost too easy — to fish this record, this record that my father bought as a 17-year-old kid and unexpectedly passed down to his 20-something daughter, out of its safe spot, put it on the turntable, and think of them as anything but.

Because it’s about life — life at a very specific, tumultuous time — and all of the passion and fear and frustration that comes with it. It’s about that feeling that every 23 or 24 or 25-year-old gets and they think that they’re the first to have ever felt it: Like life is both euphoric and terrifying. Like your brain is moving a million miles a minute and everything is happening and there’s so much to do, but you don’t have the time to do it all. Like you just can’t stop thinking about time. Time is of the essence. I’ve got nothing but time, no time for living. There’s too much time. There’s not enough.

It’s about being that age where you realize that everything you’ve been told as a kid — that you are good, that you are talented, that you can do anything you want if you just work hard — might not be true. You get out in the real world and realize you’ve got competition. Suddenly, life is a race and you’re looking around at everyone else trying to do what you’re doing — so many different kinds of people trying to be the same — and you question if you’re good enough, question if you can keep up. Races are run; some people win, some people always have to lose — and you’re praying you’re not the latter.

It’s about making decisions that will affect the rest of your life. Do you always trust your first initial feeling? Special knowledge holds true, bears believing. It’s about the uncertainty of it all, about wanting independence, but wishing for a little bit of guidance once you suddenly get it. It’s about the overwhelming love you have for those rare people you find who stick by your side in the trenches — I turned around, and the water was closing all around me like a glove, like the love that finally found me.

In a few years, this feeling may no longer be true. It is not lost on me that I am now the same age Stevie was when Buckingham Nicks was released; it’s not lost on me how many times I’ve found myself inadvertently using her timeline as a barometer of my own success. It’s okay that I’m not exactly where I want to be just yet: Look where Stevie was at 23, 24, 25; don’t worry about it too much — Stevie didn’t even join Fleetwood Mac until she was 27.

In a few years, I will likely become like every other adult I’ve spoken about this album with: forever unable to separate it from this specific time in my life, forever unable to listen to it and hear anything other than my youth. I’ll probably hear memories. I’ll probably think “God, was anyone so young?”

Sometimes you love things so intensely for no reason other than because they have become a part of you, and maybe that’s why I’ve come to call Buckingham Nicks my favorite album. It’s not that it’s ahead of its time or profound or perfect. It’s just that, as much as I have wanted to crawl inside its world and stay there, it’s actually managed to do the opposite: it’s latched its claws in my skin, dug in, and embedded itself in my DNA.

*****

“So, we are going to play for you the oldest song we’ve ever played on stage. It’s from the Buckingham Nicks album and—”

Stevie Nicks is on her 19th solo date of 2016. The majority of the audience at Madison Square Garden have no idea that this isn’t her usual greatest hits tour. Most of them came for “Edge of Seventeen” and “Stand Back.” They are blissfully unaware that this tour is different; they haven’t trolled Twitter or message boards or set list sites. They don’t know that, for the two months she’s been on the road, Nicks has been filling the night with deep cuts — one, in particular, deeper than others. And yet, for such a little known album, the mere mention of it draws such screams from the crowd that she has to pause before she can continue.

Nicks continues that this song was intended to be the single, but the record didn’t sell well, so it, and the potential single, was dropped.* “We never played it. We went and joined Fleetwood Mac and we never played this song again, ever.”

In 1973, Nicks was a maid and a waitress, driving a car that was constantly breaking down and perpetually without reverse, trying to support herself and Lindsey Buckingham. Forty-three years later, as a 68-year-old woman — not a Beyoncé or a Rihanna or an Ariana Grande — she sells out Madison Square Garden as a headliner, one of few women in her demographic to do so as a solo headliner in this decade,** and she performs “Crying in the Night” live for the first time since it was recorded 43 years before.

“There were a lot of firsts with them,” Keith Olsen says.

Olsen had not heard from Buckingham and Nicks since Fritz’s demo session at Sound City in 1970 until he got a call from Stevie nearly a year later. Lindsey came down with mononucleosis and quit the band; Stevie had been nursing him back to health, she explained. They had begun writing songs together, cut their own demos on a four track machine, and wanted to visit Olsen in LA to play them for him.

“They came to my house with their four track machine and their little mixer and they set it up and pressed play and I was astounded. I said, ‘Yeah. Yeah, I think we can get a deal.’ So, I took those demos and I started shopping around. I got them, Waddy Wachtel, and Jorge Calderon all signed to one thing,” Olsen says.

In the span of six weeks, Olsen secured a $35,000 budget and a backing band that would find itself switched up more than once throughout the recording process. Wachtel was a staple, lending additional guitar parts and harmonies. Ronnie Tutt and Jerry Scheff, known at the time as Elvis’s rhythm section, snuck into sessions when they had spare time, but eventually had to leave to tour, only to be replaced with musicians like Warren Zevon collaborator Jorge Calderón and Jim Keltner, who had been building a reputation as a go-to session player for everyone from George Harrison to Carly Simon. With a brand new Neve console arriving at Sound City around the same time, Nicks, Buckingham, and Olsen were ready to start recording.

The sounds that have come out of Sound City studios defy the looks of it — even before it became better known for being a grimey, run-down hole-in-the-wall with stained brown shag carpets and chipping paint. For starters, it simply wasn’t built to be a studio. The layout has been compared to a barn — empty and cavernous, too open to contain sound. Somehow, the studio has produced an impressive list of albums, from Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers’ Damn the Torpedos to Nirvana’s Nevermind, all recorded on the same magical analog Neve console that captured drum tracks like no other could and gave warmth and depth to an otherwise empty space.

Buckingham Nicks was the first album ever recorded on that Sound City console. The very first one,” Olsen explains. “I mean, it came out of the box, we plugged everything in that afternoon and into the early evening and it looked like everything was okay. I called in the guys and we cut ‘Crying in the Night.’ When we came in and listened back at the first playback, I remember Lindsey looking at me with a smile on his face saying, ‘Oh my God!’ Because that’s the Neve console. That was that English sound that we wanted to get really bad and there it was.”

Given the album’s stature as not only the first music recorded on the now iconic Neve board, but as the springboard for Buckingham and Nicks’s future careers with Fleetwood Mac, the question of how it has possibly remained “lost” work for 44 years astounds even their closest friends and colleagues.

“I don’t know that anybody really has an answer,” says Lori Nicks, Nicks’s friend, sister-in-law, and backup singer who first met Buckingham and Nicks in 1973 when visiting the studio with then-boyfriend and promoter Gordon Perry, and has worked with Nicks since 1978. “It’s the $64,000 question. I think that Keith would probably have a version of what happened or why it hasn’t happened yet. I think Lindsey would. I think Stevie would. And then their managers, probably, would have something to say about it, as well.”

It turns out, that’s exactly how it is: everyone involved with Buckingham Nicks meets the question of its still unreleased status with a different take, the only similarity between stories being a fuzziness recalling details of deals worked out decades ago and uncertainty of what has happened to the rights or the master tracks or the personal and professional relationships since then.

There are a slew of unanswered questions, but, at the end of the day, what matters most is this: This is a love story. This is a love story in its earliest form, before it burnt to the ground and was rebuilt and branded as a Love Story™. A love story about two kids from San Francisco, new to LA, bouncing checks at IHOP and falling behind on their rent, trying to make it as a duo, both in love and in music. A love story about Buckingham Nicks before they were Buckingham Nicks, America’s favorite musical soap opera.

This is a love story about love in its rawest, most genuine form, the kind that still lives on today when Buckingham Nicks, no longer a couple in real life, join hands and play one on stage, built from 50 years of shared history, a lowercase love story, there to give a sliver of veracity to their stage performances.

This is a love story about youth, about what it’s like to feel very young and very old at the same time, about the love you have for that time period both when you’re in it and when you’re looking back.

This is a love story about the kind of music that rattles your cage, that may not be the best album made, but crawls under your skin and lives there somewhere next to your heart. This is a love story about music that requires playing at every important moment in your life, music that makes you feel like someone else knows exactly how you feel.

Mostly, though, it’s a love story about a lost story. The Fleetwood Mac we know today, the band that has given pop culture not only a wealth of music, but a wealth of soap opera-worthy drama, would not exist without Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks. Buckingham Nicks was just the beginning, the catalyst for everything to come. Yet little known is about it, both its creation and its legacy. For years, and for what seems like years to come, its significance has been reduced to footnotes or mere paragraphs in articles and biographies that focus more on gossip, sensationalism, and rumors than music. 

Time moves forward relentlessly and though the music itself is not finite, the vinyl that exclusively houses it is. One day the few mentions the album manages to get now will become shorter and shorter. The opportunities for future generations to discover the album, to fall in love with or identify with some bit of it and be curious about its story, will become increasingly rare. It falls to us to tell this story now, before time extinguishes too much of its light.

*Rare copies of a single version of “Crying in the Night” with “Stephanie” as the B-side have made occasional appearances online, and once, a few feet away from me at Bleecker Street Records, selling for the reasonable price of $120, which a not-so-reasonable 22-year-old me nearly bought before a more responsible 22-year-old reminded me that things like rent and student loan bills exist. 

**Being a woman over the age of 60 to play as a solo artist Madison Square Garden is a rarity in and of itself. Since 2010, only Nicks, Bette Midler, Blondie (co-headlining with Morrissey), and Patti Smith (supporting Neil Young and Crazy Horse) have done so. 

Do you guys honestly think that Luke, as we knew him in the first few episodes, would be a-okay with leaving Sarah to die even after hours of trying and then do the hanky panky with the person who even suggested that it was an a-okay thing to do?

Boi dashed across an entire state to save his people, two of which are neurodivergent and one of those being his best friend of literally 20 years. 

This is ridiculous.

More than words - A Yousana AU. Chapter 10

Idea explained here

All the chapters here

CHAPTER 10: SUMMER 2020 - WINTER 2020

JUNE 2020 (20 and 22 years old)

 “You didn’t come. I was there. I waited two hours for you. And you didn’t come. So much for ‘I’ll be there tomorrow’. You could’ve told me you know? If you didn’t want to come you could’ve just told me. I won’t check if you have answered until the 1st of July so don’t bother, if you even answer of course”

 -x-

Sana read the letter with a guilty feeling in her stomach. She wanted to go, she really wanted but she couldn’t. She sat on her bed, with the back against wall and the letter in her hands. She looked at her wardrobe and she could almost see herself there a month ago. She closed her eyes and let the memories come to her.

 -x-

She went to the wardrobe ready to pick up the outfit she was going to wear to her meeting with her letter boy. She opened one of the drawers to find the perfect scarf for the occasion. She was doubting between a red one or a pink one when a particular one caught her attention. She felt her stomach sink as she realized which one it was. She grabbed it with trembling hands, tears coming to her eyes. It was purple. It was a beautiful purple hijab. One she had wanted for so long. One she hadn’t bought. One someone had bought for her. One Yousef had bought for her. And one she had worn to her first date with Yousef.

You know in the movies, when the main character has flashbacks of crucial moments in their life so they can make a choice? That was what happened to Sana in that moment. Images of Yousef came to her mind, Yousef smiling, Yousef laughing, Yousef crying, Yousef’s eyes, Yousef’s hair, Yousef’s voice…Yousef. And then she remembered something Marit had told her just a few minutes ago, ‘why bother with any other guy when you know who’s the one for you?’. And finally she saw a sentence, a handwritten sentence from the last letter she had received, ‘Everything is over between my ex and me and now more than ever I want to see you’.

What was she doing? It was clear why he wanted to meet her. He wanted her as a rebound. Something had happened between him and his ex that had made him lost any hope he had and now he wanted to meet her. It was clear he wasn’t thinking straight, it was clear he didn’t want to meet her as friends. And she, what did she want to do? Did she want to reconnect with her pen pal? Did she want to take a risk and try to be with him? Did she want to forget about all the troubles her relationship with Yousef meant? Did she want to give up on Yousef?

No. She didn’t. Now more than ever she had one thing clear, she didn’t want to give up on Yousef. She loved him. She never stopped loving him. She had worked so hard to get past her insecurities only to throw it all away by giving up. She wanted to try again with him. She had to try again.

She couldn’t go to that meeting. It wouldn’t be fair to her, it wouldn’t be fair to Yousef and it wouldn’t be fair to the letter boy.

 -x-

So she didn’t go. And as guilty as she felt reading that June letter, she knew she had made the right decision.

Now all she had to do was take the plunge and fight for what she wanted.

 

JULY 2020 (20 and 22 years old)

 “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I couldn’t do it.

Look, I don’t know what happened between you and your ex but you’re clearly not over her and you wanted to use me as a rebound. I’m not mad at you. I get it. But I couldn’t do it. I’m in love with him. I love him. And I have to fight for him. I can’t give up just yet.

This will be my last letter. I won’t go to that book store anymore. I’m really sorry.

You’ve been one of the most important people in my life for so long. But I need to focus on what it’s real. And you’re not real”

 -x-

So now not only Sana but his letter girl had given up of him. Great, just great. It was clear that he was the problem, no one else. There was something in him that made people get tired of him. There was no other explanation.

And he got it. He knew why she hadn’t met him. He had to admit it, he wrote that letter, the one asking her to meet him, in a moment of bitterness and anger. He wanted to forget about Sana and he had tried to use the letter girl for that.

Somehow he was kind of relieved that they hadn’t met. Something inside of him was telling him that it had been the right choice and that he would’ve regretted it.

But now he was right at the start. A year had passed and he was exactly like he was after Sana broke up with him. Alone. In love. Alone.

 -x-

On his way home from the book shop he received a message from his mom, she needed him to buy some stuff from the store. Fate had wanted that he’d receive the text right as he was walking by the store making him turn around still reading the text and enter the shop. Fate had also wanted that he’d bump into someone as he walked through the door.

“I’m sorry” he said before looking up from his phone “Oh…”

“It’s fine…hi Yousef”

Why? Just, why? There were billions of people in the world. There were 5,267,146 people in Norway. There were 658,390 people in Oslo. And he had to bump into Sana Bakkoush.

“Hi…I’m sorry, I was looking at my phone and…”

“I told you, it’s fine” she interrupted him with a smile, why did her smile have to be so beautiful?

Yousef nodded awkwardly.

“This reminds me of one of the first times we met” She said chuckling and covering her mouth with her left hand

“Yeah…we were always bumping into each other” he said distracted by her hand.

There was something missing there. She placed her hand back by her side and he followed it with his gaze, looking from one hand to another trying to get his thoughts in order.

“Uh…Yousef? Are you okay? Why are you looking at my hands?” Sana asked confused

His head snapped up and looked at her like a kid who had been caught eating a chocolate cookie after his parents had told him not to.

“There’s no ring” he whispered

“Huh?”

“No…I just…I mean…You…you don’t have any ring” he stuttered.

“Well, yeah I don’t really wear rings”

“But…”

“Oh! Talking about rings” Sana interrupted him “You remember my friend Marit, right?”

Yousef nodded still confused by this whole conversation

“Well, she’s getting married!!” Sana said excited

“What? Marit? Married?”

“Yes, her boyfriend, Frans, proposed to her and she said yes. He had been planning it for months and I helped him. He even came all the way to my university to show me the ring. Isn’t he nice?”

Of course. Of course he had done that. Of course his only reason to give up on Sana had been a misunderstanding. Of course he had assumed the worse instead of just thinking it through. Just, of course.

“Yeah, he sounds super nice” Yousef said faking a smile while cursing himself

Sana nodded and smiled uncomfortable, an awkward silence had been installed between them now.

“Well I should go get the things my mom needs” Yousef said

“Yeah, yeah, of course. And I should get going, my mom needs this for lunch” Sana said showing him the bag she was holding

“Okay so…I’ll see you around”

“Yeah…”

Yousef walked by her and finally entered the store. When he only had taken a few steps he heard her voice again.

“Yousef!”

“Yeah?” asked turning around to face her

“I just wanted to say that you should come over to the house more often…you are never there anymore and…well, we miss you” she said biting her lip and blushing

Yousef’s lips curved into a big smile. She wanted him there, she missed him. He nodded and so did she. He stood there watching her leaving, feeling a lot better than he had felt a few minutes ago. He had arrived to that store feeling abandoned and alone and he was going to leave it feeling hopeful.

AUGUST 2020 (20 and 22 years old)

To say that she was making progress with Yousef would be maybe going too far, but at least they were able to be in the same room now without one of them running away.

After their last encounter in the food store, Yousef started to come by the house more and more often. At first, Sana would stay in her room, too embarrassed to go out and meet him. But when one day they accidentally bumped into each other –again- in the kitchen and the world didn’t end after they talked for a few minutes, Sana decided that it was time for her to stop hiding and like she had said so many times, fight for what she wanted.

What she didn’t expect was that one way of doing that was going on a double date with a guy she wasn’t even dating. That maybe, only maybe, was going too far.

 -x-

“Elias, what do you want?” she asked entering the living room after receiving a text from her brother telling her to come, because yes, her brother sent her texts even if they were both at home.

“Sit down” Elias said pointing the couch where Yousef was also sitting.

“Do you know what’s going on?” she asked Yousef

“Nope, I’m as clueless as you”

Elias kept pacing around the room, clearly finding the right way to say what he had in mind.

“Elias can you stop?!” she almost yelled, she was anxious enough having Yousef so close to her, she didn’t want added stress.

“Okay, okay…the thing is…I need your help” Elias started “I want to ask Noora out, on a real date”

“So do it”

“It’s not that easy Sana. I can’t just go there and say: ‘hey Noora I think you’re really cool, want to go out on a date with me?’”

“Isn’t that how asking people out works?” Yousef asked frowning

“I’m pretty sure that’s how it works, yeah” Sana agreed

“But I don’t want her to know that it’s a date…well I do but I don’t. So I thought about going on a double date”

“Okay…?” Sana said still not understanding where this was going on

“So, what’s the problem? Ask Mutta and Chris or Adam and Mikael or Isak and Even or Vilde and Magnus or Eva and Jonas…I mean you have plenty of couples to ask” Yousef said

“Yeah, but if I ask her to go out with one of those couples she’ll know it’s a date” Elias said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world

“Elias, I’m lost here, do you or do you not want her to think it’s a date?”

“God, sis, are you even listening? I want but I don’t. So I thought that maybe you could help me. Maybe the four of us could go out? It’d be like a double date but not really, exactly what I want”

“You want us to go on a double date…” Yousef started

“…as a couple?” Sana finished

“Yes! No! I don’t know…I want the four of us to go out for dinner, it’d look like a double date but since you’re not dating it won’t really be a double date and she won’t get scared…if that makes any sense”

“No, it definitely doesn’t” Sana shaking her head

“Guys please! It’d only be dinner, after that I’ll ask her to go somewhere else and you could leave”

“I don’t know…” Yousef said, of course he wanted to do it but he didn’t want to make Sana uncomfortable

“Yeah, Elias…I don’t know either” Sana said, of course she wanted to do it but she didn’t want to make Yousef uncomfortable.

“Please, please, do it for me. I know you’ve been through a rough time but you’re friends again, right? I’ve seen you two talking…just please?”

Sana and Yousef looked at each other trying to see what the other thought.

 -x-

And that’s how she ended sitting on a fancy restaurant on a Saturday night with her brother, her best friend and her ex-boyfriend.

Dinner was…interesting. Basically it consisted on Elias’ lame attempts to get Noora’s attention, Noora’s lame attempts to act as if she wasn’t head over heels in love with Elias and Sana’s and Yousef’s lame attempts to make it seem like they weren’t dying to be with each other. So yes, you could say that dinner was interesting. But what was even more interesting was when, after eating, Elias asked Noora if she wanted to go to another place with him, she accepted and the both of them left without even acknowledging Sana and Yousef, who were left awkwardly standing outside the restaurant.

“So…” Yousef said

“So…” Sana repeated looking at the floor “I think I should go home and sleep”

“But…what about your Saturday ice-cream?” he asked frowning

Sana looked up at him with wide eyes, her lips curving into a smile.

“You remember?”

 -x-

“So, where do you want to go now?” Yousef asked Sana as they got out of the restaurant they had had dinner at.

He had been back in Norway for a month and even thought they had hanged out a lot since they started dating, this was the first Saturday night date they had had.

“I want ice-cream” she said with a big smile

“Ice-cream? Sana is freezing” he chuckled

“You can’t end a Saturday night out without ice-cream, it’s the rule” Sana said matter-of-factly

“What? Where did that come from?” he asked laughing

Okay, do you want to hear a story?”

“From you? Always”

She shook her head but smiled as she led the way to a bench near by and sat. He sat next to her and looked at her attentively.

“When I was little and my grandma came to spend some time with us she would always insisted on going out for dinner on Saturday. ‘You’ve all been working all week, you deserve a nice night out’ she would say. And after dinner she would always, always, insist on going to have an ice-cream. It didn’t matter if it was August, March or December. If we were out on a Saturday, we had to have an ice-cream before going home. ‘You can’t end a Saturday night without an ice-cream, Sana, it’s the rule’” she said imitating her grandma’s voice and then laughing “Mamma hated it, she always said that we were going to get ill, but grandma didn’t care. So every since then, every time I go out on a Saturday I finish my night with an ice-cream”

“Sounds like a perfect tradition to me” he said looking at her tenderly.

He stood up and offered his hand to her

“Let’s get you an ice-cream”

She smiled and took his hand, happy to know that she wasn’t alone in this anymore.

 -x-

“I remember everything”

SEPTEMBER 2020 (20 and 23 years old)

 “Come on Sana you can do this, you can do this” Sana whispered to herself before knocking on the Acar’s door.

She took a deep breath waiting for the door to be opened.

“Sana?” Yousef asked as soon as he saw her standing outside his front door.

“Hi” Sana said looking at everywhere but him

“What are you doing here? Elias didn’t told me you were coming, I mean you’re always welcomed here but…”

“I didn’t tell Elias I was coming” Sana said, she knew her brother and his friends were spending the day at Yousef’s to celebrate his birthday “I needed to see you”

It took so much time to convince herself to go there, she couldn’t back up now.

“Oh…uh…come in” Yousef said stepping aside to let her in

“Thanks”

They stood on the hallway neither of them daring to look at the other one. Sana closed her eyes for a moment and finally took a step closer to him.

“Happy birthday” she said handing him the gift bag she was holding

“Is…is that for me?” he asked, when she nodded he added “You didn’t have to…”

“You neither and yet last year you came to my house and gave me that beautiful gift” she said smiling at the memory “Besides, I couldn’t not buy you this when I saw it. Open it”

He took the gift bag and introduced his hand to grab what was inside of it. It was a snapback, but not any snapback, this one had a meaning for them.

“How…?” he tried to ask but he was so shocked to get the words out

“I did some research on the internet, made some calls and I found it, it’s the same one, right?”

 -x-

Four months after they had started dating Yousef had insisted on taking Sana to the theme park. Sana wasn’t really into the attractions, the truth was that most of them scared her, but she wasn’t going to admit that to Yousef so she finally accepted. As they waited in the queue for the rollercoaster Yousef told Sana the story about the snapback he was wearing that day. It was a limited edition his favorite dancer had designed. There were only like 20 in the market and he had been lucky enough to buy one before they were all sold out.

“You should take it off then, you may lose her during the ride” Sana told him as they sat in their places, waiting for the ride to start

“Nah, that won’t happen”

“Yousef, this is a pretty big rollercoaster and there’s a lot of wind, your snapback is going to fall”

“Awww, is my girl afraid of the rollercoaster?” he teased her

“No” she said rolling her eyes “I don’t want you to come whining at me once you lose your snapback, that’s all”

“I’m telling you Sana, it won’t happen”

But it did, it happened. 2 minutes into the ride Yousef’s snapback fell down and he was unlucky enough for it to fall exactly in the railways where the wagons were about to pass, ending in the snapback being completely destroyed after every single wagon stepped on it.

Since that day both Yousef and Sana spent months trying to find another snapback like that but eventually they had given up.

Until only a month ago when while searching for something to give Yousef for his birthday, she had come across an add that was selling the same exact snapback. It had cost her almost half of her savings, but seeing the look on Yousef’s face now, it was totally worth it.

 -x-

“It’s exactly the same, Sana!! I…I don’t even know what to say. Thank you” he said taking a few steps forward and hugging her.

Sana didn’t expect that reaction from him and stiffen at his touch.

“Oh god, sorry, sorry. I just…I got caught in the moment and…” Yousef said instantly backing off

“No, no, it’s fine. I didn’t expect it…that’s all…but…you can hug me…if you want” She said blushing trying to look at him but not being able to

“Yeah?” he asked

Sana nodded and took a step closer to him, wrapping his arms around his neck. Yousef placed his arms on her waist and hugged her tightly. It had been almost a year since their last hugh ,precisely also in one birthday, her birthday. That day Yousef had told her that he still loved her, and as selfish as it sounded, she needed to hear it again.

“Do you still love me?” she whispered in his ear

“What?” he asked pulling away from the hug frowning

“I’m sorry…I…it’s just…last year on my birthday you told me you loved me and now I’m thinking that maybe you still do and…I’m sorry this is selfish…I…I’m going to go…I’m sorry” she blurted out before turning around and walking to the door to leave.

She was almost out when she heard him.

“I do. I will always love you, Sana”

She looked at him and opened her mouth to say something but no words came out of it. They only stood there, staring at each other’s eyes intensely. It felt like hours but only a few seconds later Elias and the rest of the boys stepped in the hallway looking for Yousef. Sana took the moment of distraction to get out of the house. She knew she was being a coward and that she had asked for it, but knowing that Yousef still loved her was more than she could process.

OCTOBER 2020 (20 and 23 years old)

 Well of course.

Of course.

Just…of course.

Of course his parents gave him a trip to Turkey as a birthday ‘present’. Of course it was just an excuse to go see the family. Of course it was three days after Sana had asked him if he still loved her. Of course it was a two months trip. Of course he couldn’t get out of it by saying that he had to work because his boss was his own aunt. Of course he was now 2450 kilometers away from Sana.

Just, of course.

Don’t get him wrong. He loved going to Turkey to see his family, especially since his little cousin Omar had been born and he hadn’t had the chance to meet him. But the fact that he had to leave without being able to talk to Sana about what she had asked him on his birthday was killing him. And it wasn’t like he could talk to her about it by text message, right? No, he couldn’t. That was something that had to be dealt with face to face. The thing was, would there be anything to talk about once he came back?

 -x-

Sana Bakkoush: Elias told me you went to Turkey

Sana Bakkoush: I hope you have a great time there

Yousef Acar: Thank you

Yousef Acar: To be honest I didn’t want to go

Yousef Acar: But it’ll be nice to spend some time with the family

Yousef Acar: And you know I love this country

Sana Bakkoush: I do

Yousef Acar: By the way, how is the Nazar amulet I gave to you?

Sana Bakkoush: Well…

Yousef Acar: It’s broken, isn’t it?

Yousef Acar: It’s okay, it always happens

Sana Bakkoush: Really?

Yousef Acar: Yeah, they’re very fragile

Yousef Acar: I’ll have to bring you another one, there’s no way I’m leaving you without protection

Sana Bakkoush: You really don’t have to.

Sana Bakkoush: I don’t think I need protection from jealousy anyway

Yousef Acar: I told you, you’re perfect

Yousef Acar: Of course people would be jealous at you

Yousef Acar: I’ll bring you a new one xx

Sana Bakkoush: Thank you xx

NOVEMBER 2020 (20 and 23 years old)

Sana Bakkoush: I heard that you’re back. I hope you’ve had an awesome time in Turkey.

Yousef Acar: Yeah, I got home yesterday. I had a great time, thanks!

Yousef Acar: I’m actually at your house right now.

Yousef Acar: Are you here? I thought we could talk?

Sana Bakkoush: I’m with Jamilla right now.

Sana Bakkoush: But maybe we can talk tomorrow?

Yousef Acar: Tomorrow sounds perfect.

 -x-

“Are you even listening to me?” Elias asked annoyed

“Huh?”

“I’m talking about Sana’s birthday, are you in?”

“Sana’s birthday?”

“So you’ve clearly haven’t listened to any of what I’ve said”

“I’m sorry I was…”

“Texting my sister?” he interrupted Yousef “Like you’ve been the whole two months you’ve been away?”

“What? I haven’t been texting Sana” Yousef lied

“Oh, please. She’s been all the time on her phone and smiling like a dork, that smile is her Yousef smile”

“Okay, fine, we’ve been texting”

“What is going on with you, then?”

“Nothing…I think…I don’t know. Last time I saw her was on my birthday and she asked me if I still loved her”

“And what did you tell her?” Elias asked

“I told her the truth, that I will always love her. But then I had to leave and yeah, we’ve been talking to each other but not about us, just about random stuff…”

“So, what are you waiting for? Go talk to her”

“She’s with Jamilla, but we’ve agreed on meeting tomorrow”

“Ever since those two became friends again she’s spending a lot of time with Jamilla. I’m so happy to see them reconnect” Elias said with a smile

“Reconnect? What do you mean reconnect? I thought Sana and Jamilla were never friends” Yousef asked confused

“Oh no, they were, they were really close back when Sana was in middle school. But then they got into a fight about something”

“But when I asked you about Sana and Jamilla you said that they had always hated each other”

“Well, it was a way of talking. What do you even care about it?”

“No…I don’t…it’s just…just forget it…” Yousef said shaking his head, he had already been down that road and he didn’t want to go there only to be disappointed once again.

“Okay…anyway. Sana’s birthday party at the cabin, are you in or not? I’m sure she’d want you to go”

“Cabin? What cabin?”

“Seriously Yousef? Where have you been for the past 20 minutes? The cabin in the woods my family used to rent for the holidays, the one we’re renting for Sana’s birthday party.”

“C..ca…cabin…in the woods…what…where?” Yousef stuttered, he could feel his heart beating fast in his chest, this couldn’t be happening, not again.

“In the woods, I just told you” Elias said chuckling

“Elias, I’m not joking here. Where is that cabin?”

Elias frowned at his friend and searched the location on his phone.

“Here” he said showing his phone to Yousef

“Oh my god…this…this can’t be…” Yousef said shaking his head and standing up.

He began to pace around the room anxiously, his mind was going too fast.

“Yousef you’re scaring me, what’s going on?”

“Elias…I need to ask you some questions and please you have to be completely sincere here”

“Of course, Yousef what happened?”

“Sana…was she…was she bullied in middle school?”

“Oh…uh…yes…how do you know that?”

“That doesn’t matter. Jamilla, did she go with Sana to school every morning? Did she pick her up from there? Was then when they became friends?”

“Yes, Jamilla was the first person Sana told about the bullying thing”

“No, she wasn’t” Yousef whispered more to himself than to him

He couldn’t believe he had been so blind during all these years. Yes, he had thought about this once but when Elias had told him that Sana and Jamilla weren’t friends he had immediately given up on that thought.

Now, it all seemed clear to him. But still, he needed to ask more questions just to be sure.

“This cabin…did you used to go on the second month of summer, the first week of Christmas, the winter break and the last 4 days of Easter? Did Sana hurt her foot with the wardrobe door of her room in the cabin when she was 11?”

“What the fuck Yousef? How do you know all of that? Did Sana tell you?”

“Yes, no…kind of…I need to go”

“What? Where?”

“I need to think” Yousef said walking to the door

“Wait, are you in for Sana’s birthday or not?”

“Uh…yes whatever” he said, he couldn’t think about that now

“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow? When you come to see Sana?”

“I can’t see Sana…not tomorrow…I…please don’t tell her anything about this conversation, please”

“Okay, fine, fine I won’t tell her, but what’s going on?”

“I need to think” he said again, this time finally leaving

 -x-

On his way home he texted Sana to tell her that he couldn’t meet her the following day.

He needed to think, he needed to process all this new information. Starting from the fact that Sana was his letter girl and ending in the fact that she had lied to him when she broke up with him, she had never stopped loving him.

DECEMBER 2020 (21 and 23 years old)

Her birthday, her 21st birthday, her birthday that she was celebrating with a surprise party in a cool cabin in the woods. That should be enough to make Sana feel happy right?

Well she wasn’t.

And the reason of that was not something but someone. The reason was a 23 years old boy who had been avoiding her for the past weeks. Since he had came home from Turkey in the end of November she hadn’t had a proper conversation with him. She had texted him, she had ran into him at her house but all she had received had been ambiguous answers and evasive looks. And now he wasn’t even in her party.

She knew she had no right to be mad at him. She had lost her chance. She had broken up with him more than a year ago. She had avoided him for almost a year. She had broken his heart. She had asked him if he still loved her and then she had run away. She had done everything wrong. As far as Yousef knew, she didn’t love him and she had moved on from him, so why would he even care about going to her stupid party? She should’ve talked to him sooner. She knew that. But it hadn’t been easy. First she had had to overcome her insecurities, and that had been really difficult. Then, she had had to finally get some closure on her letter boy. And finally, when she was ready to talk to him he had started to avoid her, it was just too late.

Still, she had a tiny shred of hope that he would come, but the party started almost 2 hours ago and he still hadn’t come. She had given up hope when her phone beeped with a text message.

Yousef Acar: A little rude to invite me to your birthday party and don’t come to greet me, don’t you think?

She looked up from her phone and saw him standing by the door, his eyes focused on her.

 

Sana Bakkoush: Well, I’m the birthday girl, I think you should come to me.

He smiled at her across the room and walked over to her. She returned the smile and met him in the middle.

“Hi” Sana said maybe smiling way too big

“Hey, happy birthday” he said as he put his hand on his pocket to take out her gift “as promised”

In his hand he was holding the new Nazar amulet he had brought her from Turkey.

“You remembered!” she said taking a step closer to him to hug him

“I told you, I remember everything” he whispered in her ear as he hugged her back.

“So, did you know about this?” she asked once she pulled away from the hug

“Yeah, I kind of did. This is such a nice cabin. Elias told me you used to come here?”

“Yes, we did. We spent almost every holiday here…do you maybe want to see what used to be my room?”

“I’d love to”

Without thinking twice she took his hand and led him to the attic. She was really excited to having him there. This was her chance and she wasn’t going to waste it. As soon as they were alone she would tell him all the truth, that she loved him and wanted to be with him.

“I haven’t seen it yet since I got here, I don’t know if it has changed or anything” Sana explained opening the door and turning the lights on. “Wow…it’s exactly as I remember it”

Yousef silently agree with her, the room hadn’t, in fact, changed a little bit. He stood by the door while Sana paced around the room inspecting every inch of it.

“I used to love coming here. It’s the best room of the house. I had to fight Abdu and Elias to have it, but you know I always find a way to make them do what I want” she said as she approached the wardrobe and put her hand on the door to open it

“Be careful, you don’t want to hurt your foot again with the door” he said leaning against the wall by the room door.

Sana froze at his words. She tried to find a moment in her memory when she had mentioned something about that wardrobe to Yousef but as hard as he tried she couldn’t find one. Slowly, she turned around to look at him

“What did you just say?” she whispered

“Last time I was here the door was still broken and I mean, we both know how much it hurts when it falls in your foot”

“Yousef…”

“One would think that after all this time they would’ve fixed it but I think we both know that they probably didn’t”

“Stop!” she heard herself yelling, she needed to process what she was hearing “You’re…it’s…it’s you…you’re…him”

Yousef nodded slowly and took a step towards her

“Since when do you know?” she asked him

“Since Elias showed me the location of this cabin. I had thought about it before to be honest. For a long time I was convinced that it was you…but then you weren’t friends with Jamilla and my letter girl had a great relationship with her sister-in-law. Then I found out that you used to have that kind of relationship with her and that you were bullied in middle school”

“But I…I thought you were him too…but you…you aren’t muslim” Sana said blinking fast, she had a lot of thoughts in her mind and she couldn’t put them in order

“No, I’m not muslim” he agreed

“But you were…when you were 16 you still were muslim” only now she was realizing her mistake

Once again, Yousef’s answer was simple nod, he knew this was a lot to process, it had took him weeks and she only had minutes.

“I can’t believe this…I…all the signs were there…your friend’s sister you thought hated you…that was me and I saw you coming out of the book store that time and…everything is starting to make sense now…” right now all she could do was look at some point in the wall behind Yousef and shake her head as she tried to think straight. A question came to her mind and this time she looked right at him “Why didn’t you tell me? Why have you avoided me all these weeks?”

“Probably for the same reason you lied to me when you broke up with me” he said bitterly “I needed time”

“Yousef…about that…”

“Why, Sana? Why would you do that? Why would to break my heart that way? Why wouldn’t you just tell me the truth? I would’ve understood, I would’ve supported you and given you the time you needed” he said taking a few steps towards her

“I was a mess Yousef! I didn’t want to bring you into my mess, it wasn’t fair to you”

“No, what wasn’t fair to me was that you made that decision for me” she could hear the hurt in his voice

She looked down trying to hide the tears that were coming to her eyes

“Sana…I…it felt like you were giving up on us…”

“You gave up on us too” she whispered before looking up at him “You gave up on us. You said everything was over between you and your ex and two months later you were saying that you were still in love with me, why?”

“That…that was a mistake…” he said closing his eyes and shaking his head “I saw you…outside your university, with that Frans guy, he had a ring and…”

“Oh my god, that’s why you kept looking at my hands that day, you thought he had proposed to me?!” she asked half angry half amused

“I’m sorry okay? You had told me you didn’t love me, you had been avoiding me for months and when I finally get the courage to tell you I still love you I see you with another guy…”

“And your instant reaction was to want to meet another girl?” she asked crossing her arms on her chest

“In my defense, that girl was you”

This time she really laughed, and not only a chuckle, she was completely laughing out loud, almost histerically, while the tears that she had been holding rolled down her face. It seemed contradictory but wasn’t that what that situation was? She felt happy to know that the two loves of her life were the same person but also frustrated about all the time they had lost on stupidities. At first Yousef just frowned at her but eventually he was infected with her laugh and ended up laughing too.

“What are you laughing at?” she said between laughs

“Me? You’re the one who started”

“It’s just…this could only happen to us” she said more calm now as the truth hit her “We’ve been knowing each other for 10 years and we’re still in the same point we were in the start”

“No, that’s not true”

“What do you mean?”

“Now, Sana, we know something we didn’t know before. You know I love you. And I…I think you love me too…don’t you?”

She sighed heavily and flashed a huge smile at him

“Of course I love you. I’ve wanted to tell you for months, I never stopped loving you.” She walked, ran, over to him and hugged him.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and brought her closer to him, lifting her off the floor a little.

“I’m sorry, for everything” she said against his neck

“I’m sorry too” he whispered back

He placed her in the floor and pulled away a little to look at her. She placed her hands on his chest and tilted her head to gaze at him with loving eyes.

“So it’s true then…it’s you, it’s always been you” she said

“Yeah, it’s me…I’m your anonymous friend about whom you knew nothing” he said in a nerdy voice

“Hey!” she reprimanded him patting softly on his chest with her hand

“You were such a know-it-all”

“Excuse me? I was smart, smarter than you Mr. lame jokes”

“You loved my jokes!” he said “You loved them as much as you loved 40 years old creepy men”

She opened her mouth offended and pulled away from his embrace

“You know what? I’ve changed my mind, I don’t love you” she said trying to leave but he took her hand and made her stay, hugging her again.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. You were smarter than me”

“I’m smarter than you” she placed her hands on his chest again and smiled

“You are smarter than me”

“And I don’t love 40 years old creepy guys”

“And you don’t love 40 years old creepy guys” he repeated

“And I don’t think your jokes are that lame” she admitted “I kind of like them”

“Yes! I knew it” he said doing a victory sign with his fist

She laughed and then bit her lip as she looked at him. Everything they had been through had led them to that particular moment. The truth was out now. The boy she had had a crush on for 10 years and the boy she had been in love with for almost 5 years were the same person and it couldn’t feel more right.

“I love you” she said resting her forehead against his

“And I love you, girl” he said back

Since that day, Sana and Yousef became a couple again and this time there was nothing that could tear them apart.

Every time they met new people and they would asked them for how long they had known each other, Sana would say an amount of years while Yousef would say another. When asked about that difference of replies they would look at each other and smile knowingly before answering.

‘It’s a long story’ they would say, and indeed it was.

———x——-

I can’t believe I’m sayin this but…this is the last chapter of More than words.

When I started this I never thought people would actually like it and would take the time to read it so it means the world to me all the love and support you’ve showed to me

I really hope you like this chapter and that it hasn’t disappointed you

THANK YOU SO MUCH ♥

anonymous asked:

Fic idea: Newt gets hit with a de-aging spell and Percival and Theseus have to deal with a younger version of their already adorable husband/baby brother who already had them wrapped around his little finger to begin with. 😃

Ok, all I can imagine is Newt proposing to Graves over and over again, making them re-enact their wedding. Newt going up to everyone, even strangers, his little hand in Graves’, and proudly saying “This is my husband!” - and of course, the strangers snicker, they think it’s adorable, but Graves is beat red because his husband is 6-years-old and telling everyone they’re married. 

Newt trying to be a good husband, making Graves’ lunch and shit - but it’s like a paper bag of the 20′s equivalent of a Fruit Rollup. Graves just sighing.

Newt getting sugar highs. Graves thinks he won’t survive it. Writes to Theseus, telling him he better fucking get over here before Graves duct tapes his baby brother to the ceiling.

Newt getting sleepy and curling up like a cat in various nooks around the department. Graves scooping him up and taking him home. Cuddly, snuggly, baby love-bug Newt. Sleepily tracing the seams where Graves’ wedding band meets his finger, mumbling that he loves him. 

“Will you marry me again tomorrow?” Newt whispers, quickly swallowed by a yawn.

“Of course,” Percival says into his hair, holding him close. “Every day, forever.”

Ravenclaw! Jeonghan

Part of Hogwarts! Seventeen Series

[S.COUPS] [HOSHI[MINGYU] [THE8]

Originally posted by royalkpop

  • first year Jeonghan boarding the Hogwarts Express for the first time and shyly trying to find an empty seat as all the passengers turn their heads to look at him
  • he's just so pretty???? He has short black shaggy hair but for some reason he makes it look like the most beautiful and unique thing in the world
  • people swear he looks like an angel
  • oh yeah that’s probably because he’s part veela 
  • When he makes his way to get sorted, the entire Great Hall is whispering 
  • “I heard he’s part veela” “no wonder. He’s so gorgeous”
  • when the hat declared his place in Ravenclaw house, he giggles quietly still a little afraid to talk to people
  • second year, he’s peer pressured persuaded into trying out for the Quidditch team by his friends seungcheol and jisoo 
  • even though they’re all from different houses, they all cheer for jeonghan  alongside a large crowd of “fans” that he seemed to have acquired over the course of his first year
  • jeonghan trying out for keeper and blocking all of the shots thrown at him 
  • giggling every time he successfully blocks the quaffle and blushing hard when he hears the crowd scream
  • “han, why’d your try out for keeper?" 
  • ”… truthfully, because it requires the leat amount of moving hehe" tbh same tho
  • when he makes it on the team he gets the nickname “angel” because of how stunning he looks in the air 
  • he doesn’t mind the attention but he kinda just wants to be recognized for what he’s like (which he thankfully has great friends that do just that) 
  • top of his class in charms and care of magical creatures!! 
  • grows his hair out and when he does, somehow it attracts even more attention??
  • k but imaging jeonghan tying is hair back with a ribbon as he studies with his wire frames glasses
  • really supportive and caring towards his juniors
  • also loves his cat! he adores his kitty more than anything else in the world and calls it his baby dino nugu aegi
  • grows more confident as the years go by and becomes a bit of a trickster
  • once charmed seungcheol’s bookbag to smell like meat during care of magical creatures which resulted in seungcheol getting chased around for 20 minutes by various animals
  • “I don’t know how that could have possibly happened~” *gasps*
  • needed extra money in 5th year so he could buy the newest Nimbus broom so he starts offering to tutor people (for a few galleons of course)
  • people would still pay his obnoxious prices though because they’d be able to spent time with the infamous Hogwarts angel himself
  • also bc hes super smart and a great tutor of course
  • “no chanie youre supposed to swish and flick~ try it again. You’ll get it this time!”
  • dyes his hair blueish purple for the Quidditch finals against Gryffindor 
  • which results in seungcheol getting very distracted and missing all his shots at the Ravenclaw seekers
  • his Patronus is a bunny!
  • nominated to be house prefect but declines and gives the spot to jihoon omg imagine jihoon's face when he hears that all shocked and asking him why he did it
  • “you’d be better for the job~ make me proud jihoon-ah”
  • “…. you sound like my mom ew”
  • “I am your mom”
  • passing the OWLs with flying colors after staying up for 3 days to study
  • then passing out and taking the longest nap ever recorded
  • “are you sure he’s not dead?” “”dont worry ab it jisoo he’ll be fine”


A/N: so here’s the second part of the hogwarts series!!! hope you enjoyed~

Don’t forget to like and reblog!! ~Rika ♥