impulsivity

I am struggling with
😭Depression
😨Anxiety
😠Anger
😟Grief
🤔Impulsive/intrusive thoughts
🤕Dysphoria
😕Maintaining control
🤗Relationships/family/friends
🤢Illness
😔Abusive situations
🙃Everyday life
😷 Maintaining self care
🤐 Something private
😤 Something else

and…

😺I just need you to know
🌹  I need a little kindness and consideration
🐾I need to be left alone for a bit, I will contact you when I’m ready
🐋I need company
🙊I DON’T want to talk about it
🗯I need to vent
❓ I need advice
👍 I need reassurance
💅I need a distraction
❤I need to feel appreciated
🦄I need to feel accepted
💌I need someone to check up on me
🎈 I need someone to ask me how I am
👂 I need someone to talk to me
💤I might not have the energy to communicate
💨I need someone to help me with physical tasks
✈I need to get out of the house
🛀I need to be somewhere comfortable
🐰I need someone positive
🕊I need someone sympathetic
🥑I need encouragement with taking care of myself

It’s Only Logical - Chapter One

Pairings: Logicality/Prinxiety

Warnings: Swearing, implied sexuality

Patton didn’t exactly know what he expected when he walked into the florist shop, but this definitely wasn’t it. The man who was presently looking at him with an impassive expression was…hot. Like, really hot. He was tall and slim, with hazel eyes peering curiously at him from behind black glasses and hair that had that effortlessly mussed look that either took five minutes or an hour. Well, if he didn’t get the job, he was definitely getting his number. Patton blinked twice before mentally slapping himself. He was here for a job, not a date!

“Yes, I am hiring. I need someone to assist with customer service, handle the cash register and take phone orders. If the correct candidate proved capable, I might consider allowing them to assist me with arrangements, propagation and landscape design. I presently have a six-man crew to assist with the landscaping arm of my business, but I am handling the shop and greenhouse alone. Do you have any experience?”

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Twelfth House Transmissions

If you have a planet in the 12th house, you will disperse its energy into the world around you whether you intend to or not; it is so deeply embedded in your soul & your subconscious that it naturally bleeds from your aura. You may be able to hide it enough so that it does not show overtly in your personality or behavior, but it will find other ways to return to the universe, because that’s where it belongs – not trapped in the back of your mind.

Sun in 12th: subtly warm or radiant aura; a strong but undefined identity (or a sense of the native being “lost”) will make itself apparent in undertones.
Moon in 12th: subtly sensitive, turbulent, or compassionate aura; emotions, instincts, and vulnerabilities will make themselves apparent in undertones.
Mercury in 12th: subtly curious or intelligent aura; ideas, questions, knowledge, and private thoughts will make themselves apparent in undertones.
Venus in 12th: subtly charming or graceful aura; love, affection, unrealized style or tastes, and secret attractions will make themselves apparent in undertones.
Mars in 12th: subtly dynamic or obstreperous aura; desires, ambitions, impulses, and repressed urges will make themselves apparent in undertones.
Jupiter in 12th: subtly contemplative or generous aura; philosophies, morals, personal “code,” and luck will make themselves apparent in undertones.
Saturn in 12th: subtly responsible or severe aura; fears, self-restrictions, maturity, and accountability will make themselves apparent in undertones.
Uranus in 12th: subtly eccentric or rebellious aura; repressed dissent, genius, quirks, and “strangeness” will make themselves apparent in undertones.
Neptune in 12th: subtly delusional or wounded aura; psychic abilities and connection to universe/divine will make themselves apparent in undertones.
Pluto in 12th: subtly isolated or unknown aura; power, desire for control, and private transformations will make themselves apparent in undertones.

This doesn’t mean that the planet expresses itself openly, nor even regularly or in a natural way – rather, its issues come to the surface. For example, if your moon is in the 12th house, the fact that you desperately try to hide your feelings will be energetically perceptible, or if Pluto is in your 12th house, others will have an inkling that you are much more than meets the eye. It’s not that the secrets of the 12th house are spilled without your permission, it’s that the secrets speak from their hiding place no matter how much you try to silence them.

Some people may not notice, but when a part of the personality is missing, it’s quite obvious. All the planets are essential components of the human psyche; when one is painted over with subconscious shadow, it does not actually disappear. The absence of a part of who you are isn’t & never will be invisible.

i love the fact that like… if you wanted to you could throw a chair… stool…. lamp… medium sized houseplant… even a lightweight table…. theres nothing physically stopping you from throwing furniture around, only social constructs and your own cowardice.

What is executive dysfunction?
  • Executive functions are things like making plans, following through on plans, controlling impulsive actions, internalized self-talk, changing activities, and, yes, paying attention or focusing on the things we need or want to attend to. There are others, but these are the ones I know the most about and they seem to be the ones that plague us the most.
  • Making Plans. You get up in the morning and you have to decide what you’re going to do that day. Whatever list of activities you choose, that’s making a plan. Here’s another one: you need to clean up your room, so you stand in the doorway and decide what to do first. That’s making a plan.

    Executive dysfunction (ADHD) makes this really hard for a lot of people. Because we tend to see the whole picture better than the little parts, tasks like “clean your room” can be overwhelming. We need it broken down into smaller steps, like “put the clean clothes away and the dirty clothes in the hamper, then put the books on the bookcase.” For some people, even that is too much at a time. They need it broken down to “pick up the first piece of clothing you see and figure out if it’s clean or dirty; if it’s clean, put it in the correct drawer of your dresser or hang it up in the closet, and if it’s dirty, put it in your hamper.”

    Difficulty with this kind of thing can cause a lot of anxiety, and it’s why we tend to freeze up when faced with large, complicated jobs. We simply don’t know where to start, because making a plan is not something we are good at.
  • Following through on plans. Once you have a plan, you start at the first thing and you work your way down the steps until you’ve completed them all, right? Right. Well, executive dysfunction makes it really hard to do this.

    Part of it can be overwhelm: we look at the list of steps, see how long it is (big-picture thinking), and conclude that it’s impossible so we can’t do it. Other times we might not think we can do any of it right, or we might not know how to complete the step we’re on. Or we get distracted, or hung up on one of the steps (a lot of us are perfectionists).
  • Controlling impulsive actions. Most people are able to keep from saying every little thing that pops into their heads. They don’t buy things just because they like them without thinking about whether or not they’re too expensive or something. They control how they react to their emotions and save angry outbursts for whatever they think is an appropriate time and place.

    Executive dysfunction makes this really hard.

    ADHDers don’t have much of a “filter” unless it’s been drilled into us through behavioural conditioning (usually done by society in response to the stuff we say or do). So we think something and we say it, even if it’s hurtful. We buy stuff we like and then can’t pay our bills but hey we have a hot tub! We act out in anger and then wonder why people are afraid of us or mad at us five minutes later, because once we’ve raged we’re good and not mad anymore. As a general rule, we always intend to do the right thing… it’s just not always possible because our brains like to follow every impulse they have.
  • Internalized self-talk. Everyone has what’s known as “self-talk.” For people with low self-esteem, this is pretty negative. But it’s not just about what we tell ourselves about ourselves. It’s also how we get through situations (“Five more situps and we’re done for the day!”) and work through problems (“Next time Jimmy says that I’m going to tell him to go jump in a lake!”). By about age seven or eight (I forget exactly when; it could be older but I’m pretty sure it’s sometime in elementary shcool), most people are really good at keeping all of this silent and in their heads.

    Not so for those of us with ADHD. Executive dysfunction means that we don’t internalize our self-talk until much later, assuming we ever do. I still talk to myself out loud most of the time, though I do internalize a lot (especially in public).
  • Changing activities. You know the law of physics that says that an object that is at rest will remain at rest until acted upon by an external force, and that an object that is traveling in a particular direction at a particular speed will not change direction or speed unless acted upon by an external force? That’s called inertia, and that’s basically what we’re talking about here. (This is like the one thing about physics that I find truly useful in my everyday life. Kinda sad.)

    Basically, once we’re engaged in an activity, we’re in it until something happens to get us to move on. That’s why alarms work for some people - they jolt them out of their current activity and trigger them to move on to the next thing. (Of course, an ability to ignore alarms is also part and parcel of inertia. Yay!)
  • Paying attention or focusing on the things we need or want to attend to. So, the whole “attention deficit” part of “ADHD” is pretty ludicrous, because it’s not really a deficit of attention that we’re dealing with; it’s more an inability to control what we pay attention to. So we can hyperfocus (focus exclusively on one thing for hours on end) or we can jump around from one thing to another, and we don’t really have a lot of control over that. I’m sure you can see how all of the other aspects of executive dysfunction contribute to our lack of control over our attention.