I’ve been living my life battling unwanted impulses, things I can’t always control. And I’ve questioned it. I’ve wondered about it. I sit up at night and try to figure out how to calm the demons, how to overcome their touch. I don’t know how to be myself, but there’s still a heart in here that wants to outshine those parts of me.
I am all billboards / & stone. I am all object, / all dress, no bone. No beast, no wild, no / genus, humanoid. All edifice, all lamppost, / no dusk, no star, no sky. / One half-moon, no galaxy. No mountain’s majesty. / One elevator, gliding up. All pulse, dull / hum & buzz. All crave, take, thirst.
Camille Rankine, from “Still Life Mechanical” in Incorrect Merciful Impulses