impromptu

The Signs as lines from speech pieces
  • Aries: "I believe democracy is the greatest political system on earth. But that's just the problem. It's on earth.
  • Taurus: "internet trolls tell me I'm fat because I use a Tolberone as dildo -- which really wouldn't be an effective way to ingest calories at all"
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Gemini: "He shoved me right up his ass... and this soon became a part of his masturbation routine." 
Cancer:
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Leo: "Sometimes I see people as colors -- like this guy over here is purple because he just got a promotion. Or a blowjob. A blow motion if you will."
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Virgo: "I was Rose, he was jack. I was his guitar and he would fiddle with my strings"
  • Cancer: "I mean like the killings of all of the Glorbons was bad and stuff, but nothing was more important than Brad."
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Libra: "... just like incest, Mumbo handled his problems inside the family, as it should be."
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Scorpio: "Unlike McDonald's, this is not about how fast you can go through that drive thru. If you want something from God you're gonna have to cook a little."
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Sagittarius: "Here asshole. C'mon asshole."
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Capricorn: "For a $1 billion dollar pizza, the least they could do is add some pepperoni. And maybe a blowjob."
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Aquarius: "... and [he] eventually dumped me for someone annoyingly named Mindy."
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Pisces: "Just like our president elect, we must grab our dreams by their... genitals."