impossible human

3

nick robinson is livestreaming himself silently listening to an entire linkin park album as he fucks with the webcam settings until his aesthetic becomes impossible for the human mind to comprehend

but reanimation 

I mean… humans are so frigging hard to kill that if you die people will just be OH NO YOU DON’T and start pumping your heart themselves and breathing in your lungs until you do it by yourself again. most races consider someone dead when the heart stops, but not humans. not you-can’t-kill-me humans. until there’s even a teeny tiny grain of hope they fucking won’t let death have them. they know that they have a few minutes to do so, at best, and it would be simpler to just let go, but not humans.

cardiac arrest? not on my shift, buddy. respiratory failure? heck no. 

whatever happens, they will try to literally bring you back from the otherworld. 

MonCalamari: I feel very sad. Human Jessie died the other day… a cardiac arrest. She was such a good friend, I can’t even-

Human Steve: buddy, Jessie is alive and well. she’s still in medic bay of course, what with the heart problem and everything, but now she’s good!  who told you that she died? 

MonCalamari: … are you kidding me? her heart stopped, of course she is dead! 

Human Steve: she most definitely isnt, I just went to medic bay and she’s still kicking- mind you, they saved her by a hair, they tried for almost ten minutes… they almost had given up on her, but she is strong and they managed to restart the heart in time.

MonCalamari: they… they got her heart beating again? but that’s surely impossible…? 

Human Steve: go in medic bay if you don’t believe me. surely by now you should have learned that humans don’t like to die?

Van Gogh writing his brother for paints
Hemingway testing his shotgun
Celine going broke as a doctor of medicine
the impossibility of being human
Shakespeare a plagiarist
Beethoven with a horn stuck into his head against deafness
the impossibility the impossibility
Nietzsche gone totally mad
the impossibility of being human
all too human
this breathing
in and out
out and in
these punks
these cowards
these champions
these mad dogs of glory
moving this little bit of light toward us
impossibly.
—  Charles Bukowski, Beasts Bounding Through Time (1986)

Okay, so I feel like contributing to the Humans Are Weird section and it’s just, humans and predators get along? Like, we have mutual beneficial relationships and companionship with animals that, in theory, we should be fighting with. 

Like, we have cats and dogs as pets, some people have wolves, we see lions and tigers and think they’re cute, hell, zoologists have been raising Big Cats for years, not to mention the stories about people care taking bears. 

And if Jurassic World became a thing, you can bet your ass someone would Chris Pratt a set of pack dinos

So like, imagine that theres a race of aliens who are, by genetic script, predatory, and vicious and every alien system are like “Theres no chance at establishing peace with them, it’s impossible.” But then humans come and we stumble across a wounded one like 

“this species ?? Is adorable ?” And all the other aliens are like 

“No, human Mike, it is a vicious predator! It’s bet to just avoid the quadrant where theyre from and destroy any that come too close.” 

“You want to kill him, but he’s just a wittle cutie!” 

“ … Human Mike, stand back!” And of course the humans rally around it and force the other aliens out and slowly feed/build up trust with the species and we form a bound with them and Aliens are like ???? 

Evetually humans teach the aliens how to respond to the species and while they’re still pretty dangerous if they’re hungry and you shouldn’t turn your back on them, there’s still like, relative trust between the species. 

Humans and adaptability

For reals though, humans are ridiculously adaptable. Half the time instead of just fixing something, we go out out of our way to change our behavior to avoid dealing the dang thing.

My door swells during the winter. It has since I was around eight. Instead of figuring out how to fix it, I just kick my door extra hard to get it open.

When my sister’s laptop was starting to go south, it wouldn’t completely start up, but the mouse would do this weird thing and then she always knew to do a hard restart to get it to boot up.

I’ve heard that Stephen Hawking was so used to predicting his predict text that when it got upgraded it messed him up.

There’s that one scene in Mary Poppins and a vague mirror of that scene in the Doctor Who Pompeii episode where the house quakes regularly and everyone just takes up their stations to keep things from falling over and breaking.

Humans are nuts.


Menah-Tal clicked an old chant of his people under his breath while running the usual efficiency tests. It shouldn’t take too long, then he’d be able to-

He blinked his three eyes in surprise and ran the numbers again.

They came back the same. There was a whole seven deneb discrepancy from the normal parameters. Menah-Tal snorted. So much for his poetry slam in the rec room.

Menah-Tal traced the discrepancy to Brett’s station in engineering. He blinked. Surely Brett couldn’t be so blind as to let his station be out of alignment. He snorted crossly again.

Brett was at his station when Menah-Tal walked into engineering.

“Brett, your station is out of alignment, making it seven deneb slower from the rest of engineering. How could you let such a discrepancy happen?”

Brett looked up.

“Oh that’s probably my interface. My panel’s been acting up a bit lately. I’ve been thinking about replacing it. Maybe on the weekend-”

“But seven whole deneb …” spluttered Menah-Tal.

Brett shrugged.

“Sorry dude, I kept forgetting. Hey it’s not like it’s completely non-functional-”

As he spoke his panel glitched. Brett hit it with his fist and it unfroze.

“It’s fine.” he said in response to Menah-Tal’s face. Menah-Tal looked like he was about to have an aneurysm.

Menah-Tal reverted to his native Makjai Temas as he left engineering swearing viciously about the “impossible humans.”


Edit: I had two people point out that parsecs are in fact, not a measure of time. Thanks for keeping me on my toes, guys.

Make that three.

170717 Baekhyun fan account

OP met one of the professional gamer who was in Baekhyun’s team on the first round of SM Super Club League. 

“After the game ended, he (Baekhyun) thanked every single member and opponent member sincerely. He (the pro gamer) said after playing this game for more than ten thousand times, it was the first time he received thanks from a team member. He said he was really surprised by Baekhyun’s well manners.”

Source: x

Humans are weird Australian space orcs, pt. 2

For some time now, I’ve been considering the possibility that humans have some sense that the other intelligent species don’t.

I mean, just look at the species on Earth: insects can see UV, some reptiles can see infrared, some organisms have no sight at all, some can sense magnetism, etc. It’s not impossible that humans have one or more senses that an alien might not.

While this could apply to any number of senses, I’ve always thought it particularly interesting to contemplate the possibility of a species with no sense of smell.

Smell is something that’s so commonplace among a great number of the species of Earth that many of us overlook it, but it is so critical to how we experience the world. It helps us to remember places, people, and events. We use it to determine whether or not something is safe to eat. It helps us detect impending changes in weather. It tells us if there’s a fire or something giving off dangerous vapours nearby.

Now just imagine some alien species with absolutely no olfactory capability whatsoever. They look around at us inhaling very deliberately through these holes in the middle of our faces and reacting with pleasure, disgust, apprehension, confusion, etc. for no apparent reason. Shoving our faces into flowers, discarding food, acting concerned, reminiscing, doing all manner of things for reasons that are totally beyond their perception.

Humans are weird starvation

So I haven’t seen this mentioned anywhere, but our bodies will literally eat themselves if they don’t get enough nutrients to power themselves. Think about what will happen when an alien finds out about this and how they’ll react to it. (This is my first contribution to this tag, I hope you like it)


They said it was impossible for human Jesse to survive, but he still did. We were on a mission scouting CP12 when the cave mouth caved in and left human Jesse trapped. The other humans tried everything in their power do for days to try and get human Jesse out from the cave. When the 22nd day rolled around almost all hope was lost, but a large commotion was coming from the mouth of the cave. Curiosity took over Oskwauh’s 12 limbs and dragged him over there. To his astonishment human Jesse was found alive, but not in a good condition. Medics were everywhere, scrambling about seemingly dumbfounded by this situation except one. Oskwauh knew this medic by the name of human James and he was as calm as if somebody hadn’t just been found alive after perceived dead. Human James was barking orders at the others to transport human Jesse to the ship immediately and give him a hydroponic nutrient bag. Oskwauh turned yellow in worry. He knew if anyone could survive this, it would be a human and after working alongside human Jesse for such along time Oskwauh knew he could make it.
Later that day Oskwauh approached human James about the incident with many questions in his 2 minds.
“Human James I have a couple questions about what happened today”
“Ask away Oskwauh, I am aware that this is a strange situation”
“How is it even possible that this happened. Why did human Jesse look so ‘thin’?”
Human James seemed to contemplate this for a second before answering.
“Well when human don’t get enough nutrients the brain limits the production and energy use of our body. But if we are yet to get our nutrition levels back up our brain will make the decision for our body to eat ourselves, but once half our muscle mass has been 'eaten’ we die”
Oskwauh started at Human James. Was this another one of their practical jokes. Oskwauh turned purple in fear. There was no way humans ate themselves right? He had to be lying. This wasn’t real. Humans really are weird.

Humans are Weird-Death

Hey guys, so I wanted to add to the humans are weird thing that’s going around, and this kinda came to me in the shower, so…enjoy?

Zah Rem was dying. They knew it the moment the Ra-Sek corridors of the station began to feel cold. It had been easy to dismiss the chill at first. The Humans always kept the main corridors to a barely tolerable 24 degrees Celcius, the Terran unit of heat. So Zah Rem had kept to Ra-Sek corridors, content to survey the movement of their officers from the comfort of warmer areas.

But then they had Stopped in the Ra-Sek sustenance area. The area was used infrequently as most of the new officers preferred to communal sustenance area, and so some time had passed before a Terran ensign accidentally stumbled across them. The human had run to get help, and that’s how Zah Rem found themself in the infirmary, a heat unit glowing above their bed as machines monitored every pulse of their internal fire.

To the Ra-Set, the Cooling was a very private matter. It was some small mercy really- a natural death for a Ra-Sek happened over the course of only days, and after the initial passing ceremony the Ra-Sek left the dying in peace to contemplate their life. At least, that’s how it had been before.

A human, mouth closed in a Ra-Sek neutral expression, sat at the end of their bed, eyes occasionally flicking between the machines and their pad. This one was the human counterpart of Zah Rems previous station and they knew this one well. She would not be leaving unless the dying process miraculously reversed. Humans always seemed to treat this like a logical possibility.

Zah Rem had lived such a long time, even for a Ra-Sek. They had seen the rise of space travel for their people, the first contacts with other races, some friendly, some hostile. They had seen stars flicker out of existence. And then, they had seen the arrival of Terrans. What a ludicrous, terrifying thing that had been.

The humans had arrived in strange, nonsensical machines seemingly only barely capable of long distance space travel. Most of them had arrived asleep. The Ra-Sek had initially been very wary of this smaller race. Humans could regulate their own body temperatures. Humans lived short lives but took life-threatening risks, seemingly for pleasure. Humans reproduced quickly and freely, having offspring even in space, so far from their own world. Humans would fight, losing limbs they could not regenerate, and then fight more.

In short, they were too dangerous not to make allies of. And so the Ra-Sek had, and in their many years, Zah Rem considered this one of the wisest choices of their people. The humans had helped them explore planets previously thought uninhabitable. They had seen human shipmates run headfirst into aggressive unknown flora and fauna and categorize it, collect it, and make it known. In one instance, they had seen the entire brunt of humanity brought to bear on a now extinct warmongering race, simply because this race had been dubbed “bullies that don’t play fair”.

The human shifted in her chair. “Hey dragon, still alive?”

Zah Rem exhaled a plume of steam. They knew this word referred to them, and that it was a reference to a Terran creature that may have never even existed. They had seen a picture once, and they did see the similarities to a Ra-Sek. That didn’t mean they had to answer.

The human sighed and flicked her eyes up and across, a human gesture of annoyance. “I know you’re alive, your monitors are going. I wanted to ask if you need anything.”

“Need? I am dying, there is nothing more I need.”

The human curled her upper lip, almost perfectly mimicking the Ra-Sek gesture of annoyance. Human mimicry really was uncanny. “I know that, but, is there anything you want? Water? Food? A book? Are you just…gonna sit there until it happens? Aren’t you…y’know, uneasy?”

Now that was a strange word to use for this state, and Zah Rem wondered if their translator had translated the Terran Common incorrectly. “Uneasy? Why would I be…Uneasy?”

The general shifted in her chair again, suddenly transfixed by her pad. “Well, I mean, are you…afraid?”

Zah Rem tilted their head, trying to mimic a gesture they had seen humans use. “Why would I be afraid? I am dying, this is a normal process for all living things.”

The human seemed frustrated, and Zah Rem once again saw the wisdom of their own tradition of leaving the dying to cool in peace.

“I know that! I just mean…aren’t you afraid of what happens next? Like, to you…after you die?” her shoulders curled inwards.

After…death? Zah Rem snorted. “Nothing happens after death. Death is the end of life…is it…is it not so for Terrans?” A pang of fear twitched in Zah Rem’s core. Humans…died completely, true? They thought of all their deceased human shipmates the other humans had burned, or buried under soil, and suddenly they were…uneasy.

The general waved at the air “Don’t call us that. And yeah, yeah, human’s die all the way too-“Relief. “But, some humans…we have this…idea, that a part of us, the sentient part, lives after we die. And, I don’t know where it goes, but death comes to collect it, and guide it to where it’s supposed to go next.”

“Death…comes? As in, the concept of death is…sentient? and… travels to the location of the dying to take their consciousness? Where? Why?” Zah Rem’s internal fire quivered, and the monitors began to chirp and hum in complaint.

“Woah woah take it easy!” Their human counterpart stood, touching their forelimb gently. This gesture would have been aggressive among Ra-Sek, but they had long since learned that humans touched other beings freely. Her hand was warm, and the heat soothed Zah Rem’s own heat. The monitors quieted.

“Y’know what? Forget I said anything, it’s just a dumb Terran myth. You wanna see this picture of a cat I found?”

And, for once, Zah Rem really, really did.

The next few days passed quietly. Healers checked the monitors as discreetly as possible and the general was a constant presence, sneaking back in every time the Ra-Sek healers shooed her out. For the most part, she worked on her pad, guiding the directors of her officers. Zah Rem was mildly envious of this, but they felt the cooling settling in, and they were content to reflect on past action instead.

Well, mostly content. Try as they may, Zah Rem could not shake the idea of death as a sentient presence, and tendrils of fear began to snake into the waiting, fear that, like in so many impossible ways, the humans might be right about death. They did not want their consciousness to be taken. They took to scanning the room when their human wasn’t looking.

This fear was probably what exacerbated the process. It happened suddenly, their internal temperature falling, falling, and the general was shouting, calling for help and Zah Rem knew they were beyond help, nothing could help, but they were so afraid of Death being attracted by the cries, if only they could-

And suddenly they were alone in a space that was not bright, and was not dark. They…no longer felt cold, but not warm either. It made Zah Rem…uneasy. And then they heard footsteps, and in the distance there was a small flicker of light.

The light drew closer and closer, and with it Zah Rem began to make out a figure in strange clothing. The figure wore long, black clothing that flowed downward, with a hood that obscured the head. It was carrying a long stick with what looked like a small ball of fire on top. They also saw the glint of long, sharp looking metal, reminiscent of a Terran knife.

Zah Rem bared their teeth. A weapon. This must be Death. If it was, it wouldn’t steal their sentience without a fight.

The figure closed in.

“Stop. Come no further.” Zha Rem growled. “I am Zah Rem of the Ra-Sek. I have seen races rise and fall. I have seen stars flicker out of existence. I have fought alongside humans. I will not let you take my consciousness.”

There was a moment of silence. And then a strange sound came from the hooded figure. A soft, musical sound, not unlike a Ra-Sek trill, very much like…a human laugh. The figure lowered it’s hood.

Of course, Death would be a human.

Zha Rem felt the anger leave them all at once. The human smiled, mouth closed, and reached its dark hand out to touch Zha Rem’s forelimb. Their touch was warm, and Zha Rem felt the warmth coil around  their core, lighting it once again.

“Are you ready to come with me?”

And Zah Rem found they were.

things Even experiences with sleepy/tired Isak:

  • lots of soft kisses and nose nuzzling
  • the radiant soft pink glow on his skin he always gets (mostly those adorable cheeks) when he’s cosy and warm in Even’s arms under their duvet
  • quiet whispered discussions about anything and everything, what they’re gonna do that day, how their homework is going, when they’re next visiting parents. just cosy domestic stuff that Even loves.
  • comfortably quiet breakfasts, sometimes over their second hand kitchen table and sometimes in bed, where they share sleepy smiles and nudge each other’s knees playfully while they eat
  • slowly dancing around their flat (if you could even call it that), as close together as two people could possibly be, the sides of their heads resting together and their arms wrapped like vines around the others waist just listening to each others breathing and their hearts beat because neither of them are awake enough to talk
  • Isak whining that they don’t need to get out of bed and meaning Even sets alarms ten minutes earlier now to accommodate Isak’s need for snuggle time
  • half arsing dinner and just ordering take out or giving up with it all together because they just want to lie down and recharge from the day’s events and how bad can it be to skip a dinner here or there
  • Isak falling asleep literally anywhere if he’s tired enough. over the kitchen table, sat in the school cafeteria, that one time Isak had been in the shower too long for even a 17 year old boy and Even went in to check on him and it turned out Isak had sat down under the shower and fallen asleep there despite (or maybe because of?) the warm water raining down on him
  • when Isak’s tired his brain gets things muddled up and his sentences sometimes come out backwards and he doesn’t even realise (like the time he asked Even if he’d homework’d his finish and Even said he didn’t study Finnish and they both stared at each other in confusion for a solid 60 seconds). most of the time Even can figure out what he means thankfully

things Even experiences with Tired™ Isak:

  • Isak getting overly emotional about everything, with all logic going out the window. homework unfinished? Isak is psyching himself out into thinking he’s going to fail all his classes. Even looked at him strangely? Even is realising Isak is a mess and he doesn’t have time for him. Isak burns dinner? he’s an impossible human being it’s no wonder his family fell apart when he can’t even cook a simple omelette. you get the idea.
  • Isak’s temper going from 0-50000 real quick. but his face always crumples before he’s even finished snapping and snarling (or shouting on the odd occasion)
  • having to wrap Isak up in so many layers and blankets because when he’s tired Isak cannot keep the cold from his bones and constantly shivers and shakes even when it’s a warm day
  • holding Isak close in the small hours of the morning while he tries to sleep, rubbing Isak’s back and stroking his curls and sometimes even rocking him gently, just wanting to help his exhausted boy sleep
  • the few times it got so bad that Even woke up to Isak shaking against him trying not to cry and when Even gathered him closer still his heart breaking when the tears spilt over Isak’s cheeks and he choked out I just want to sleep
  • the utterly terrifying night that Even can’t think about even now without breaking into a sweat. he’d woken up to the sound of retching and stumbled across to their small bathroom and found Isak hugging porcelain with a half empty bottle of sleeping pills on the floor.
  • for a wild second Even thought it was a suicide attempt and he was horrified that he’d missed warning signs that weren’t there, but when he dropped to his knees Isak choked out an apology and the tears spilled over (whether it was from the stress of vomiting or the emotional strain is still unknown) and he kept repeating that he was so tired and he just wanted to sleep. that was when Even took matters into his own hands and made Isak a doctor’s appointment
  • the many a night that Even woke up and through bleary eyes saw Isak lying awake next to him just staring blindly up at the ceiling
  • Isak not being mentally present at all for short stretches of time. sometimes he’ll even space out midsentence, to the extent that Even’s wondered if maybe Isak is having absent seizures rather than just being too exhausted to function
ZODIAC LIES EXPLAINED

Stereotypes are never accurate, but the astrological ones are plain ridiculous in their lack of logic. With this post, I hope to clear up any ignorance and confusion surrounding these parts of the signs. (PS: I was having a lot of trouble finding Pisces criticism, so excuse or enjoy the bias at the end. Heh.)

Aries are constantly angry, ready to fight, and selfish as hell.” The Aries sign is ruled by Mars, but Mars is not the Planet of the friggin’ Brawl – it’s about intensity and acting upon your impulses. Aries, being the first or “youngest” of the Zodiac, is obviously the most impulsive, but that doesn’t instantly mean they’re violent. It just means they’re ruled by Mars. They might be selfish because Aries is, again, the baby sign; everything is about them because that’s what their place in the Zodiac wheel is. It’s about beginning, or starting anew.

Taurus are lazy, always hungry, always eating, and slovenly.” Taurus is an Earth sign; Earth signs are very focused on the physical realm and all the greatness that can come of it. Taurus is the sign that is most focused on being comfortable and satisfied with their material world. Ruled by Venus, the Taurus sign reasonably enjoys the finer things in life, which includes furniture, food, and clothing. They won’t be slobs if they like to be beautiful and to be surrounded by equally beautiful things. Just stop. On the other hand, the “stubborn” argument can swing both ways, so why not call them determined instead of lazy?

Gemini are two-faced liars with no real personality and all they do is gossip.” Gemini is probably the most quick-thinking of the signs. They are ruled by Mercury, and therefore ruled by thought and speech. They have too many ideas to keep it all to themselves. It’s impossible for a human, let alone a human born under one of the most complex astrological signs, to not have a few hypocritical notions, but just because they tell you a lot of them doesn’t mean they believe all of them, nor all at once. (Half of the time, they’re probably only bouncing those theories off you to see what you think about them.) Mercury is also the planet of learning, so they may be constantly growing past their old feelings and discarding them as they move on to something new.

Cancer are hopeless cry-babies who can’t live without their mommy.” Excuse you. The Cancer sign IS the mommy. Cancer is the sign of home, history, and motherhood, and if they’re ruled by the moon (the luminary of emotion), how could you expect them to not be emotional? (Mind the definition of emotional, would you?) Cancer is also the Cardinal Water sign, meaning they can be efficacious self-starters who don’t need to follow in anyone’s footsteps to get where they want to go. Even if they’re anxious, they’re also generally shy and private, so keeping all those fears to themselves and never asking for help only makes them more self-reliant and brave, whether they’re aware of it or not.

Leo are the most arrogant, self-absorbed, vain people of the Zodiac… However, they’re the most beautiful, so they do have a point.” Leo is the sign that is ruled by the Sun; the Sun is about oneself and one’s ego. There’s nothing arrogant or self-centered about knowing you’re important or valuable and if all you’ve experienced with Leos is belligerence and egocentrism, then that’s your own bad luck. Leo has actually been characterized as friendly and attention-giving. And while every sign is beautiful, Taurus and Libra are ruled by Venus, so if anyone’s going to be stereotyped as the prettiest, it should be them. Leo just wants to be known to every living person as the King or Queen of the Jungle and it’d be heresy to not look the part.

Virgo are neat- and health-freak robots! They’re cute socially awkward bookworms though, so we forgive them.” Virgo is another Earth sign, and as stated above, the Earth element is all about life on earth. Like Taurus, Virgo strives for perfection of lifestyle and self, but on a much deeper level. That doesn’t mean that’s all they care about – it’s just one of the many things that are important to them. This sign is also ruled by Mercury, the planet of thought, so (that “robot” argument is completely out the window) it’s ridiculous to assume they’re all shy and prone to stuttering. They’re analytical and calculating and it’s very common for them to speak clearly, precisely, perfectly, able to get their point across in a succinct and exact manner. You got one thing right, though – they are damn cute.

Libra are soulless divas who only care about their fake friends and lipstick. They’re passive, feckless, and so indecisive that they couldn’t just PICK SOMETHING to save their life.” Libra is ruled by Venus, the planet of beauty and love; they are drawn to what they think looks nice, and there’s nothing wrong with having a keen eye for pulchritude. They are the Cardinal Air sign, and that mixture of values (leadership, self-reliance & social justice and progression) results in a great need to be fair; Libra sees from everyone’s point of view and this leads them to very vacillating places, but is that really a bad thing? They don’t lack a backbone; I think sometimes they just don’t know how to use it.

Scorpio are murderous sex-fiends who probably have blood orgies in the basement every Friday night for Satan.” Scorpio is ruled by the planets Mars and Pluto; that is an explosive combination of very intense energies, and thus Scorpio is the most intense Zodiac sign. They are known for being very emotional (as a Water sign) and prone to extremes (as the inhabitant of the eighth house), but as with Aries, this doesn’t have to make them volatile. They are driven and often controlled by their feelings and urges, but statistically, most serial killers are not Scorpios, so… There goes that argument.

Sagittarius probably don’t have any bone in their body that hasn’t been broken at least once because they’re so stupid and reckless.” Sagittarius is a Fire sign, making them very vital and dynamic people. They are adventurous, impulsive, and most of all, defined by the pursuit of personal freedom; they hate chains and confines more than anything. They’re known for making a lot of mistakes, but those mistakes are the way Sagittarians learn best, and because this sign is ruled by Jupiter (the planet associated with good luck, morals, and life paths), what these people learn is often laden with incredibly valuable and profound philosophies.

Capricorn do nothing but work, work, work. They’re too uptight to function.” Capricorn is the Cardinal Earth sign; they are characterized by their efficacy, determined nature, and great drive to succeed. They yearn to be the best that they can be and because of this, they often find themselves trapped in a place where they’re only capable of focusing on what they want to have and grow into. This doesn’t mean they can never leave that place, but depending on other parts of the Capricorn person’s chart, they may not want to. They are known as the most serious of the Zodiac only because they’re ruled by Saturn, the planet with a stick up its ass. (Every Capricorn I know is goofy as hell, so there’s that.)

Aquarius are weirdo aliens who come up with conspiracy theories for fun and feeling nothing is their number one hobby.” Aquarius is ruled by Uranus, the planet of uniqueness and dissent. They are next to Sagittarius in terms of freedom of thought. Driven by expansion of the mind and progression of self and the collective, Aquarius has the biggest ideas of the Zodiac, and being an Air sign, they want to share them. However, Aquarius are prone to feeling distant and disconnected, and they tend to behave as if that’s where they want to stay – on the outside. They want to be different. They are often dissatisfied with the current state of everything and they believe they will be the sign to make positive changes. They are off-beat, yes, but in their mind, that’s the best thing to be.

Pisces only smoke weed, sleep, and pretend to be hipster, but they’re just fish. Fish can’t be hipster.” Pisces is ruled by Neptune, the planet of imagination and illusions; Pisces is the most creative sign of the Zodiac, and that results in them leaning toward slightly unconventional ideas and habits. However, it is the Mutable Water sign, making Pisceans adaptable, emotional, and often passive people. This stereotype seems to imply that Pisces have little to no personality, but Pisces is a deep, dynamic, profound sign, and as proof of its gentle magnificence, I offer this collection of precise, hard-hitting Tumblr hate directed at it: *crickets chirping* Oh, right. There is none. Because Pisces is perfect.

heat0death0of0the0universe  asked:

It must be really awkward when a ghost possessing a dead human suddenly hears "JOHN!?! I thought you were died my love."

There’s definitely a ghost from before the war who, upon possessing the body of a dead human, was immediately met by that human’s mournful lover, who immediately mistook the situation. The ghost felt such embarrassment and guilt at the situation that they became fully corporeal and bonded to that body. As a result they decided it was best to pretend to be that person’s dead lover come back to life… albeit with amnesia. Over time the zombie grew to genuinely love the human, who was so devoted to helping them “remember” and supporting them.
Then the monster war happened. Humans became more vigilant at finding monsters hiding among them. The zombie was found by a wandering monster hunter. The hunter pulled the zombie from their home, dragging them by the hair out to the village square.
The zombie’s lover cried out “What are you doing!? Don’t hurt them!!”
The hunter replied, “All of you have been deceived. This is a wicked monster masquerading as a human.”
“Impossible. I’ve known them since childhood!”
“Really? Tell me, have they ever appeared dead only to miraculously recover? Did they act differently afterwards? Perhaps develop sudden amnesia?”
Soon the hunter made it clear to all that this zombie was not human. Everyone in the village knew. The zombie despaired. Surely now was the end for them. And worse, all these people who they’d genuinely grown to love would now hate them.
But that’s not what happened. Instead, the zombie’s lover, and the rest of the village, all defended the zombie. You see they’d all figured out the zombie’s secret long ago. And much like the zombie, they’d grown to love them despite it all.
Nobody knows what eventually became of that village. It simply drops off the map and out of history after that. Some say the village was razed to the ground by humans during the war. Others say that it was simply relocated, and that somewhere out there, there is a village of kindly necromancers living apart from human society.
-TQ

Newcomers Pt 7

The Benemar swarmed across Terra almost completely unchecked, their sheer numbers and the suddenness of their attack meant the Humans were unprepared for such and assault and even though their orbital defence platforms reaped a bloody toll on their attackers the Benemar overwhelmed them. Still the Humans fought, determined to make the Benemar pay in blood for every inch of Terran soil they took and for every Human they killed the Benemar would loose a hundred of their warriors.

The Benemar focused their assault on the heavily populated area with little military presence, the bombardment form space alone killed millions before they even began landing their warriors to begin culling the population. But as the attack went on the Humans were able to mobilize more of their assets and the Benemar’s advance began to slow. But they were still heavily outnumbered and out gunned, stalling is all the Human generals could really do.

High Chieftain Veetop sat upon his throne overlooking the planet below and watched it burn, it was as he thought, the Humans were weak and they ran from his armies and screamed as they were slaughtered. He wished he was down there but he had lost the bought with High Chieftain Beeqol so he was resigned to command the fleet.

The now slave Goolack was chained to his throne naked and forced to watch as his own warriors were now under the command of his rivals, his entire clan had been disgraced and disbanded but still he kept up the pretence that this will end badly for the Benemar.

“I wonder what Human slaves are like? I look forward to beating them into submission” High Chieftain Veetop said to himself, so far no Humans had been captured but there was still time, they had a number of outlining worlds and there were still billions left on their homeworld.

“They will not submit” Goolack said.

“Silence! You lost your right to ever speak again” he shouted hitting him.

“I shall show you how Benemar live, we do not let other races oppose us us, we conquer them!”


General Patton command the Terran defence force from an underground bunker hidden in the Antarctic, here he had access to the entire planets forces and his commanders and the picture was looking bleak at first look. But he had a plan and soon enough all the pieces would be in place, all that was needed was his reinforcements. He just hoped they would get there in time.

Outside the solar system the 8th army arrived and joined the task force that was gathering just outside of scanning range. Admiral Winston had wanted to attack the moment he arrived but General Patton had told him to wait, his captains were also getting impatient as the longer they waited to more people died.

“Are we really just going to wait here sir” Captain Clerk asked.

“Those are our orders, general Patton has superiority as he is the acting supreme commander and has some sort of plan in place” The Admiral replied and his tone betrayed that he did not like waiting either.

“But the longer we wait the more innocent people are dying!” Captain Kiev objected his thick Russian accent putting heavy meaning on his words.

“Do we at least know the situation on the ground sir?” Captain Williams asked polity.

“We know is the Benemar have landed close to 12 million troops but the figure may be more-”

“12 million!! There was only a fraction of the defence force on the planet” Kieve interrupted.

“Yes Captain and I would prefer if you did not interrupt me again” Admiral Winston said getting to his feet.

“Sorry sir”

“It’s all right, I understand your frustration but as I was saying because of the large number of enemy troops our forces have fallen back to more defensible positions but we have strongholds on all major continents”

The captains all fell silent, they had no choice but to wait and have faith in their comrades on Terra to hold the line.


General Patton held on tight as another bomb landed on the surface above, somehow the Benemar had found his bunker and were trying to dig him out, the intent was to cut off the head and body will die.

“Put me through to the enemy fleet, I think it’s we had a chat”

“Yes General” answered a com operator and he gave the thumbs up when the connection was made.

“This is General Abraham Patton of the Terran defence force”

The main monitor then shifted to show the bridge of the Benemar flagship, it was a dark and horrid place but sitting in his throne was the Benemar High Chieftain Veetop looking very pleased with himself.

“Ah General have you reconsidered my offer for your surrender?” he growled grinning all across his face.

“Actually I was going to ask if you wanted to surrender” he countered as another bomb hit.

High Chieftain Veetop gave a throaty laugh that almost sounded like he was going to choke and spat on the Benemar chained to his throne.

“Me? Surrender? Have you gone mad with fear Human”

“You really don’t understand us at all do you?”

“I understand enough that your kind are weak and cowards, your world burns before me, your people are being enslaved and if you think I am going to surrender then you are clearly mad”

General Patton smiled “I guess then that your answer is no?”

“Naturally”

“Good” Patton cut the link and was put through to Admiral Winston.

“Admiral, you may begin your attack now, we are ready”

“About time!”

Patton smiled at his friends eagerness to get into the fighting and turned to his operators. “Are all systems ready?”

“Yes General, all platforms are powered and awaiting your order”

“Good, deploy the orbital guns and order the counter attack”

All across the planet the Humans suddenly stopped retreating and turned and fought back with every ounce of strength they could, all Benemar fronts began to encounter series resistance and could no longer advance. This sudden change In the Humans manner caught them of guard and many began falling back. But that was not all, underground and hidden from both scanners and prying eyes were huge bases, the ground parted to allow a cannon the size of a skyscraper to emerge and point up at the Benemar fleet above the planet.

“European gun ready”

“Mediterranean gun ready”

“Middle eastern gun ready”

“West and eastern Russian guns ready”

“Asian guns ready”

“Pacific guns ready”

“North and south American guns ready”

“African guns ready”

“All guns are deployed and ready to fire general”

General Patton gave a toothy smile as he imagined the Benemar’s faces at the sudden appearance of these weapons, they had no idea what was coming. He gave a single order.

“Fire”

The guns recoil was massive but was built to withstand it, but the earth around it was kicked up and sent anything close by flying as the immense power created it’s own shock wave. They were fast to reload too and could fire a single shell every ten seconds.

“High Chief we are detecting in coming fore from the surface”

“Impossible, no gun has the power to fire from the surface of a planet”

Just as he finished speaking one of the shells struck his ship, it was only a glancing hit but it destroyed a third of their port side guns, but the shell did not stop it continued on and struck and destroyed a cruiser that was close by the flagship.

The entire Benemar fleet came under fire, with thousands of ships in orbit it was impossible for the Humans to miss even if they tried, the Benemar captains panicked and tried to avoid this incoming fire but in the confusion they collided with each other.

“High Chieftain, we are being torn to shreds we must withdraw”

“I told you this was going to happen” Goolack laughed and was quickly shot by the High Chieftain.

“Pull the fleet back out of range!”

“More ships have appeared behind us!”

“Who’s!!!” he demanded to know as if he did not already know.

“Its the Humans”

“How many?!”

The Benemar sensor operator did not respond.

“I asked you how many?!”

The operator slowly turned “2064”

High Chieftain Veetop froze, that was almost the number of fleets in the entire Benemar fleet, and he only had half it under his command. “Get me High Chieftain Beeqol!”

“I can’t he’s dead, all of our forces are being overrun or are in retreat order is breaking down”

Veetop screamed in frustration.


Admiral Winston stood on his bridge watching the main monitor and the Benemar fleet desperately trying to get out of range of the orbital guns, he grinned as he saw what Patton was planning. The catch them between a rock and hard place.

“All ships, target the Benemar forces and engage on my command”

He quickly got his confirmations from his captains.

“2nd army fleet The Barons reporting ready”

“8th army fleet The Desert Rats ready”

“9th army fleet The Heavens Wrath ready”

In total there were 12 fleets in this task force under Admiral Winston and like Patton he gave one order.

“Fire”

If the fire from the planet was considered bad the fore from the fleet was catastrophic, the two points of fore tore the Benemar ships apart, those that were not destroyed by the opening barrage tried to make a run for it past the Human fleet. They too were shredded under multiple broadsides and their escape pods destroyed, there were to be no survivors.

The battle engagement last only a few scant hours but int hat time, close to 50 million Benemar were dead…none had been able to escape and no word got back to heir home world of what had happened.

“Your timing is excellent as always Admiral” Patton congratulated.

“As is your planning, well done”

“So I guess your men will need some rest?”

“Oh no, we have been attacked and this is a declaration of war” Admiral Winston grinned,

“To the Benemar homeworld then?” General Patton said.

“To the Benemar homeworld”

Bento Prime satellites detected incoming ships and rejoiced at the returning of their fleet, they prepared to welcome home their conquering hero’s

the-wonderlust-traveler  asked:

Can you please do a mermaid taehyung? I loved your namjoon one!!!

find others: hoseok | namjoon 

  • a male siren/triton who had the ability to hypnotize with his voice
  • and like female sirens, it is his song that lures people toward him. the deep tenor of his voice makes it impossible to not hear and the uniqueness of it is supposed to cast a sort of hypnotic spell on someone
  • unlike a siren, taehyung has no interest in hurting the people he lures - he mostly does it for fun and out of boredom
  • singing in order to get humans to come close to his lake, so he can gaze upon them, maybe every now and then steal trinket 
  • and then break the hypnosis just in time to hide back beneath the water and leave the human confused on land
  • his hair is long, worn in a low hanging ponytail that cascades down his back 
  • his tail is hues of purple rimmed with gold and he wears multiple gold earrings to match. his teeth are just a slight bit sharper than a normal mermaids and so are his nails
  • that one of the other sirens painted for him 
  • interestingly, taehyung has golden markings on his body that resemble something like tattoos - they’re passed down through the linage of male sirens and if you run your hand over them it’s said to have a ‘stimulating’ effect
  • and taehyung claims he’s never tried it on a human before,,,,,but for some reason no one believes him LOL
  • like most sirens, his voice can lure anyone - literally anyone
  • so if taehyung sets his sights on you - you’re done for
  • which is why when you set up your camp beside the lake where he resides
  • and taehyung, who spies from the depth of the water, his dark eyes and the top of his head seen peeking from the ridge of the lake 
  • sees this cute, overly enthusiastic about spending the night in the woods human he decides that he wants a closer look
  • plus the necklace you’re wearing from far away intrigues him 
  • so, slowly but surely, he rises from the water 
  • the deep, alluring voice of his hums at first and then the lyrics passed on through generations of sirens echos through the trees and the lake
  • but,,,,,,,,unlike most other humans who by this point are frozen - shocked by the sound
  • you keep,,,,,,,,,,going on your merry way. pitching your tent and fussing over starting a fire
  • confused, taehyung dives down and swims closer to your part of the lake
  • he emerges again, humming and singing louder but it’s like
  • you can’t hear it - at all
  • stopping himself, taehyung tries to size you up - you’re definitely a human. i mean you have two legs so you’re not a mermaid
  • but how,,,,how are you avoiding his song???
  • disgruntled, taehyung swims even closer
  • to the point where his hands are pushing apart the grass and moss that grows at the edge of the land
  • but nothing - his song does nothing
  • “what kind of human is this?”
  • he says aloud, forgetting that if you break song - speaking can be heard by anyone
  • with a shout, you turn and grab your frying pan from your backpack
  • falling on your butt, you clutch the pan and point it toward the lake “whose there??”
  • you demand, moving the pan a bit to see the upper body of a handsome boy
  • “w-what are you doing in there???”
  • shit, taehyung thinks before cracking a small smile and perching his arm under his chin
  • “im swimming, my camp is set up on the otherside so i thought id come over-”
  • “the otherside of the lake is four miles away,,,,,,,,did you really swim four miles. are you on the national olympic team??”
  • taehyung has to bite back a smirk, oh so you have some sense in you
  • “fine, i didn’t swim, but if i told you the truth you wouldn’t believe me~”
  • he teases, looking at you expectingly
  • you clutch the frying pan and go “try me”
  • “im a siren, see?”
  • he swims back a little, just to dive head first - his tail coming up out of the water and leaving you with your mouth hanging open
  • “o-oh my god”
  • taehyung shrugs, “it’s a gift”
  • “so you actually could have swam four miles”
  • “that’s nothing to a siren.”
  • you set your frying pan down,,,,considering asking this guy if he’d like to catch some of his fish brethren for your dinner, but deciding that’s rude you go
  • “if you’re a siren, do you have a song?”
  • taehyung’s shoulders stiffen,,,,,,,he does have a song - but it doesn’t freaking work on you
  • “i ,,,, do. but i don’t want to put you in a hypnotic state or anything so-”
  • “let’s hear it.”
  • you show no sign of fear, smiling at taehyung and crossing your legs as you wait
  • taehyung clears his throat,,,,,,,and decides it’d be more embarrassing if he didn’t even try 
  • but when he starts to sing,,,,he notices that you don’t move an inch. after a while you frown and go “you’re moving your mouth- but i can’t hear anything.”
  • “i know, i tried before but- i mean,,,”
  • your eyes widen
  • “did you try to use your song on me before???? and it didnT WORK??”
  • taehyung feels like disappearing into the water, but he’s never met a human like you before so he can’t just leave
  • so admitting defeat he nods, mumbling something about wanting to get closer to you but that the song just didn’t seem to have any affect
  • “maybe you’re not really a siren-”
  • “HEY” taehyung crosses his arms before pointing to the golden markings running up his ribs and down his shoulder blades 
  • “no other mermaid species has these, they’re for sirens only. im sure humans have written about it or something.”
  • “i should google it” you say thoughtfully and taehyung raises an eyebrow “what is a google?”
  • you stifle a chuckle and say it’s nothing
  • “listen, im going to camp near the lake for a coupe of days. can you make sure your siren friends don’t try to hypnotize me either?”
  • “i don’t think their songs will work either, but no worries. they know you’re my human.”
  • you stop, “what does that mean? im you’re human?”
  • taehyung clicks his tongue and tilts his head, his ponytail swishes behind him and he explains that if a siren picks a human, other sirens aren’t allowed to hypnotize them
  • “so - do you guys like eat the people you hypnotize?”
  • “no, for the most part it’s just to seduce and plunder”
  • you nod,,,,,,but then smirk, “so, do you only seduce cute humans? do you think im cute?”
  • taehyung is taken back by the straight forwardness of your question, to be honest he’s never talked to a human before, just sort of got them to get near the edge so he could see and then vanished after breaking the spell
  • but if humans are like you,,,,,then taehyung regrets it - you’re quite fun
  • “of course i think you’re cute, i have the best taste out of all the sirens.”
  • you laugh, “im flattered. you’re also cute mr. siren”
  • “taehyung, and im not cute - im handsome”
  • his wink makes you break out into a fit of laughter which taehyung pouts about, splashing some of the water from the lake on you 
  • “fine, fine you’re handsome. but also it’s getting dark and i need to get to bed so - see you some other time taehyung.”
  • watching you get up to walk back to your camp, taehyung wonders if all humans are like you - or are you just special
  • when he returns home, he swims to an elder sirens house where he asks curiously - can humans be immune to a sirens song
  • the elder almost chokes, because no no no that would mean that the human is the soulmate of the siren and everyone knows that isn’t possible
  • the image of you flashes in taehyung’s head and he thinks, maybe it’s not impossible,,,,,,,,maybe there are humans out there who can hypnotize sirens,,,,,,,,,maybe you’re one of them