important people in important adult relationships

tips all students need

1. learning is better than knowing. you don’t need to be a genius to do well in school, only dedicated enough to actively pursue your education. 

2. straight A’s =/= intelligence. don’t let your grades define you; test grades can’t capture the passion in your eyes and the resilience in your bones.

3.  friendships change, but sometimes that's a good thing. some relationships are bested by time, and people grow apart. in the absence of others, you may find that you’ve been missing out on what’s been right in front of you the entire time. 

4. rest is important. your health is always more important than school. while stress is inevitable, never be afraid to take a day off, or talk to a trusted adult. Mental health is just as valid as physical health.

5. your life is just beginning. i know that failing test grade or the fact that your crush rejected you seems like the end of the world, but i promise you that it’s not the end. life is literally the longest thing any of us will experience, so fall in love with living. think of every opportunity as just another beginning. 

anonymous asked:

I'm interested in getting a pigeon but I'm a little intimidated by how smart they are? I think I could handle it but it's still a little nerve wracking. I'd get a dove but I actually might need to have the pidge wear a diaper (and i know it's super bad for doves), and I'm interested in training the pidge to be a kind of assistance pidge like the marvelous Ankhou! Do you have tips or advice on how to reduce the anxiety about the intelligence level? Or on how to successfully train a pidge?

Pigeons learn like toddlers and cannot be forced to do much of anything.

Basic training involves giving them a pattern to latch onto and fill in, but Assistance training is based on first and foremost forming a close bond of trust with you pidge.

Pigeons are social observation learners who are directly taught the basics of being a pigeon by their fathers (because mom is often on the next clutch of eggs bey the time they wean) and then learn nuances by observing the flock and experimenting, VERY much the way young humans learn!

Pigeons are vocal and gregarious, and the way they naturally excel at mapping patterns makes them very good at picking up on language, which is a visible and audible pattern of communication.

The first thing your pidge needs to know is that you are safe and trustworthy, which will involve becoming attuned to its comfort levels so that you can adjust and make yourself comfortable to be on and around.

I generally start harness training mine early, so you will need more training than the bird when the time comes. XD

But while that bond is being forged, it’s important that you talk to your pigeon the way you would a very small child. 

I don’t mean baby talk. That shit’s confusing as fuck.

Clearly enunciate, and name EVERYTHING! Remember that language is a pattern and pigeons are good at patterns!

Name objects. Name people. Name places. Name actions! Everything we do and interact with and even the way we interact with things has a name, a specific word, attached.

Concepts have names, but are harder to convey to a non-human. And yet, Ankhou understands concepts like “want” (offering him a choice to accept or decline, rather than giving him a command) and “help” (I am offering to do something for him that he can’t for himself, like open a jar of treats)

He also learned that I can follow his line of sight and to point to places he wants to go when flight is not available to him. (Pointing comes naturally to corvids, but not to pigeons, so the fact that he figured that concept out on his own is significant!)

If you need your pidge to be an Assistance bird, it would be best to start with a weanling. Yes, adult birds, especially hens, can bond to people well enough to become emotional support and assistance birds, as @tinysaurus-rex and @skuttlebutts can attest with 4 month old Rex and adult Horchata.

But the younger the bird, the more time it has to develop that all important relationship with you and the less chance a young cock will become aggressive (occasional driving behaviors aside).

Since pigeons are notoriously difficult to sex, it’s important for an Assistance Bird to come into your life early enough that the sex won’t matter. 

Ankhou decided to be my assistance bird. I did not train him to alert or help me recover.

He got to know me at my healthy base line and became alarmed when I was suddenly not-me, from his perspective.

Pigeons being the innate pattern mappers they are, he picked up on warning signs I am not aware of and figured out that cuddly time lowered my stress levels.

He put 2 and 2 together entirely by himself!

Now, when we’re in public and he catches those warning signs, he gets in my face and insistent about going somewhere quiet to cuddle with him.

Pigeons are intensely socially driven, so you need to think of your relationship more as an interspecies friendship than an owner-pet relationship.

It’s important to remember that a pigeon is mentally and emotionally five, and when it acts out, it’s because it got excited by the thing that is no and forgot in its excitement that that thing is no, got distracted from the thing it was supposed to be doing, or is frustrated by a need not being met. 

There needs to be a consequence for doing things they aren’t supposed to, but it can’t be a punishment. 

You cannot afford to make yourself scary to a pigeon you want a relationship with, so correction cannot hurt or frighten the pidge.

And the most effective deterrent I know of is limiting free time.

Ankhou LOVES his kennel! He eats there. He has a nest in there that he likes to lay down and woo me from. He preens it in passing, some times. 

But when he does something he knows he’s not supposed to do, he gets zipped up in the kennel and told that he can come out when he settles.

He understands “no”. He knows where he is not allowed to be. And ke knows thta not going back into an ok place means he gets kenneled.

It’s important that it’s as clear as possible that his actions got him kenneled. I did not just trap him on a whim.

He also understands “out” and what it means to be “let out” and that “you” addresses who ever I am looking at right then. 

“Ankhou” addresses him, specifically, apart from the other birds, whose names he also knows.

“Settle”, for Ankhou, means to get in his basket and be content.

If I tell him to settle and he immediately runs to his basket, hops in, and wing twitches, I let him out, even if he was just put up seconds ago.

Because it’s important that he understands that his actions get him *out* of trouble too!

It really, legitimately is like training a nonverbal toddler with wings!

In a healthy relationship, people feel like they are being treated with respect and as equals.

That means one person doesn’t have more power over another.

It means that important decisions about health and protection are made TOGETHER.

If someone doesn’t feel like they are being treated with respect and as an equal, it’s important to talk with a trusted adult about whether you’re in a healthy relationship.

whatever happens in the show happens. whatever relationship becomes canon, if any, is going to become canon as the writers see fit. no matter what someone is going to be disappointed, and i know i personally would be pretty upset if a shaladin ship became canon, but we have literally no control over what happens in the show now matter how much we think we do. sure our reactions can help influence a LITTLE.

dos santos and montgomery said in an interview they saw that the fans loved keith and wanted to see more keith after season one, and we all saw how season two was centered around keith. thats the small influence that we have, we dont have the power to determine specifics in the show though. whatever happens, happens according to their plans and no one can stop it.

all we can really do is show how much we love the, in my opinion, good ships (the only criteria being it doesnt imply pedophilia or incest)

show them how much we love klance, hance, heith, klunk, shatt and funnily enough shlav.

show them how much we love laxum, hunay, and kallura.

show them how much we love shayllura, nyallura, shayma, and shaymallura.

show them what we really WANT instead of what you dont want. look at fandometrics on here and how klance has been number one for such a long time. show them more of that. show them how passionate we are.

i feel like that is the most effective way of influencing in even a fractional way something truly positive in the show. all this negativity and fighting back in forth is doing nothing for the show except disappointing the people who work on it who just want us to be having fun with the show, not fighting about it.

the discourse is incredibly important and i think people should still continue to advocate against inappropriate relationships/pairings in media, fandom spaces, and just in general. that is so fucking important, and until all minors are safe from perverse adults whether in fiction or in real life, its an important and necessary discussion that must be had.

but for the shows purposes i feel like we should also make more of an effort towards the positive again because i think we all seem to have forgotten this is supposed to be a fun thing, and i truly believe that positivity and showing what we want is the way to go here.

we will enjoy the fandom more again, the people who work on the show will have a breath of fresh air from all the negative content and toxicity the fandom has inevitably become, and who knows how it could sway the writers, but i feel that this is important and that showing the writers what we care deeply about and showing them that is imperative.

I find it really cute that Lizzy is actually older than Ciel and she acts like she’s younger, because it plays into the fact that when you think about it, Ciel is at a disadvantage of being the typical dominant male in the relationship by age, hight, physical strength and health.

Lizzy understands that so much and gets sad when she realizes just how much protection and love he needs. She pulls back on mental maturity and physical appearances so he can be seen above her.

She doesn’t mind being seen as the “child” just so Ciel can be seen as the “adult.” That’s some real love, nothing even sexual about it, and it’s the most beautiful thing I find about this series.

I don’t understand why people ignore the attention Yana puts into this relationship. Lizzy would be as important as Ran-Mao to the series if Yana didn’t think she was important to Ciel. Don’t get me wrong, Ran-Mao is great too, but I mean appearance and significance.

i’m just dead. always. at what tony says in this one moment bc it’s so disarmingly simple and kind and the huG but then there’s what it actually means

how many times have superheroes felt like atlas carrying the weight of 192483958 things between saving lives, protecting the world, maintaining their alternate identities and relationships, working jobs and having responsibilities. how many times have superheroes sacrificed what they think are relatively insignificant priorities for world-saving and supervillain-fighting and in the end, felt like they’ve let everyone down. 

tony knew what she needed to hear and knew exactly how to say it and he promises her that it’s true. that even though she might be a hero of the people now and an avenger, making time for herself and her personal life is always going to be okay. this is so important. it’s so important, especially for kamala who’s a young adult and has ten times the amount of pressure and expectation upon her shoulders, to hear that putting herself and her family and her future first is never going to be something she needs to be sorry for.

i just. (*˙︶˙*) tony stark. and his empathy. and how much he cares about people. how much he loves and wants the best for his avengers.

anonymous asked:

I think you can definitely dislike a ship but I disagree with calling cresswell unhealthy especially considering the argument can be made that wolflet is unhealthy in the way that Wolf depends on scarlet. In the books it's very clear that Thorne never pressured Cress into anything and if their age difference makes you uncomfortable I can understand that. But these books also take place in a sci-fi/fantasy world where all characters literally faced life threatening experiences and almost died (1)

So it’s important to take into consideration the fact that this is a completely different world, I think it is different than comparing to a real situation in which a 20 yr is dating a 16 yr. I feel like ultimately people’s qualms with this ship come down to the age difference, which i totally understand if it makes you personally uncomfortable, but to call it unhealthy is taking it far. Cress & Thorne and everyone really, went through a lot together through the series &they deserve to be happy!

kjhfdjhfaklhf sorry you probably didn’t ask for an essay, but this stuff is important, so:

Yes, I know that this takes place in a different setting, where the laws may be different, but the thing is, in the series, Cress is canonically 16 and Thorne is canonically 20. Age gaps like this where one of them is a child and has significantly less life experience is not healthy.

And yes, you could make the argument that Ze’ev’s dependence on Scarlet is unhealthy, because it is. There’s already been a post pointing this out. The important difference between Cresswell and Wolflet, however, is that Cresswell is inherently unhealthy while Wolflet is not. Scarlet and Ze’ev are both consenting adults, while Cress is a child.

The reason why this particular age gap (taking into consideration their vastly different levels of life experiences) is inherently unhealthy is because of the power imbalance it creates. Cress is young and naïve, and still has a lot of mental development to go through, regardless of the events of the series.

I am aware that this is fiction; however, fiction doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Normalizing and romanticizing minor/adult relationships like this can have very real effects on people. I’ve seen it happen in other fandoms, where actual predators will use unhealthy ships to convince minors that this kind of thing is okay.

Last point:

“Cress & Thorne and everyone really, went through a lot together through the series &they deserve to be happy!”

Yes, they do, but they can find happiness without romance! Friendships are just as important, if not more important, than romantic relationships.

6

Whoniverse: Class Appreciation Week – Day 5 – Favorite Relationship: Quill and Charlie

They are both victims of circumstance.  She is more of a victim than he.  He has the power–a power that he has no qualms about abusing.  He doesn’t see her or acknowledge her as a person.  But he never asked for this.  They are bound together against both their wishes.  The arn forced them together.

But it runs much deeper than the arn.  The minute the Shadow Kin attacked Rhodia–when both their worlds were destroyed–a new bond was forged between them.  The histories of their people and the nature of her enslavement prevented either of them from recognizing it on a conscious level, but it was there: an inextricable link–a bond stronger and deeper than the arn.  The bond of survivors.  The bond of two people with no choice but to live with the sacrifice.

I saved you. And I saved you. 

I just finished reading the latest chapter of WDTFS and here are some of my thoughts on the series so far:

-FINALLY AN ADULT YURI SERIES - it makes me so happy that there are some artist actually aware that lesbians can be older than high school

-speaking of… FINALLY SOMEONE WHO SAYS OPENLY SHE’S GAY - because I’m so done with this “I was never attracted to a girl, until I met you and fell in love” shit

-characters that are not typical for series for women, they are portrayed as normal people, REAL LIFE PEOPLE

-the art is just simply beautiful! I’ve seen some people complaining about the background and blank pages, but for me it’s totally fine… it’s minimalistic and the artist draws characters with more details, which is more important to me - their expresion, look, outfit and stuff

-SEX SCENES that are drawn so good and in artistic way more than some pornography shit I (as a fan of yuri series) see in other series. and it’s important because relationships between adults are not just holding hands, seeing deeply into each others eyes and fairy kisses

-I love the retrospections…they are made in such a perfect way! the favourite one is when Sungji gets the bottle of wine in Sumin’s place and then we go back to the evening with Sumin and Seju *O*

-RELATIONSHIPS

let me start with Sumin and Seju - I JUST LOVE THese TWO OKAY!!!! we all know how it goes… reading opinions that Sumin didn’t really love Seju and vice versa makes me sick as hell, because it is simply showed that they were deeply in love. Seju was Sumin’s first EVERYTHING! but it’s normal that as long as the time flies people change, love and passion is replaced with other stuff and relationships just end. what Seju did was so wrong, of course, there’s no excuse for such behaviour. Sumin has every right to do what she did and never want to be with Seju again, but…at the same time she still comes back to her, so we can see that even though she was deeply hurt by Seju, she still has feelings for her, she can’t just simply let her go. is it love? we will never know…or we will know with new chapters.

Sumin and Sungji - OH MY GOD, WHERE DO I START?! okay… I just got this feeling that these two are so childlish and it sometimes gets me this ugh feeling, because SUMIN IS 34 SO MAYBE SHE WOULD ACT LIKE ONE, but okay… Sungji is naive but in this totally cute way I just cry the tears of roses everytime I see her. We can all tell that she’s the opposite of Seju and I think she can give Sumin what she really needs now…let’s face it - Seju is pretty selfish and…harsh, when Sungji is so pure and I bet she would place Sumin first.

-I’d love to see this series published, YES, SERIOUSLY I WOULD. I’d give all my money to have this put in a beautiful cover and stand on a shelf. at the same time I really doubt it will be published, since it’s a web series and it’s paid though…but a girl can dream :(

-I really REALLY hope for yuri series for adults, because I’m seriously too old to read 43534376 times story about all-girl school and teenagers falling in love!

If someone (somhow) gets through all this, please message me with your opinion. I’d like to talk to people about this series!

Growing Up Aromantic: The Half-Read Book

I loved books growing up.  Reading was my absolute favorite thing to do, but I was bad at venturing out into unfamiliar territory, so would read the same books over and over and over.

But there were a few where, no matter how many dozens of times I went to read them, I’d sputter out about halfway through.  A few movies, as well–half a dozen VHS tapes were left at the same spot whenever I forgot to rewind them.

Always at the same parts: when childhood is left behind and the exciting world of romance opens up.

This was never about the romance itself–I adored love stories and, to a lesser extent, still do, but it was what these stories had to tell about what growing up meant to relationships that made my stomach curl up and prompted me to fumble for a bookmark and find something else to do.

For a specific example: Anne of Green Gables was in particular both a sanctuary and a source of discomfort so strong I could barely acknowledge it.  Anne and Diane’s friendship was everything I ever wanted and a hundred times more compelling to me than any romance stories I’d read at the time.  It was so perfect it was almost painful to kidlet!me because that was something that belonged to a character in a book and not to me.  But it legitimized that sort of intense love in friendship, and even had its own name for what we might call queerplatonic* friendships today.

And then the books continue and Diane fades away.  She gets married and grows distant, Anne gets wrapped up in assorted romantic plotlines (I do note: not just romantic plotlines, other types of relationships are still important to her) and that relationship between Anne and Diane that meant the world to me was just a fond memory of the past.  They grew out of it.  They moved on.  This is what being an adult means.  This is Coming of Age.

And no matter how strong a friendship might be, friendships are made to fade out.  That’s just how Real Life works.

It was things like that told a hundred times over that made the process of accepting my aromanticism so difficult.  I wanted lifelong love.  I didn’t want to be left behind.  So, I obviously wanted a romantic relationship, because that’s the only way to get that.  I didn’t want to be the unmarried friend who lost touch with those people she cared about before, or who meets up with them every few years to catch up and listen to stories about their new families.  I had plenty of evidence IRL that this is how things actually work, too–so many stories from adults about their best friends growing up, but where were they now?  When was the last time they talked to them?  I wanted to be the most important person (or an extremely important person) to someone and the only path set out for me to obtain that was to find a romantic partner.  So I spent a good twenty years forcing myself down that path because the loneliness of the alternative was too terrifying.

I don’t know if I would have ever stopped on my own.  I didn’t learn about aromanticism until already after I had been in a super close friendship for a couple years–it was a matter of realizing I was already as happy as I could want to be (except for geographical distance, grumble grumble) and didn’t need to keep pushing myself down that path towards a goal I never wanted in the first place.

But just because I got lucky there doesn’t mean that I’m ready to dismiss how harmful the pattern of these stories were to me, and how harmful they might be to other aromantic people, especially those still growing up.  Over half of the discussions I’ve had/read about how people came to realize they were aromantic describe feeling fear and even despair upon realizing it describes them.  I can’t count how many times I’ve read about aro people clinging to the hope that they’re alloromantic because they don’t want that life of lifelong love and acceptance–one that we’re taught belongs to romance–to be sealed off from them.  Aromantic advice blogs are flooded with messages like these.  We're afraid, and it’s a fear of the loneliness and abandonment that an amatonormative society has promised will be our birthright.

That’s why I get so excited about stories where people in romantic relationships still have strong, intimate friendships with other people, or stories where childhood best friends grow up and stay just as close, or with alloromantic people whose most important relationships are platonic–even if there aren’t any canonically aromantic characters in them.  It’s a far cry from representation, sure, but they’re life rafts in an ocean of amatonormativity.  

And it’s nice to be able to read a story all the way through.

(Note:  This post is not about asexuality; I plan to make another someday about YA coming of age stories and asexuality.  Please, please don’t reblog this with “but asexual people can want romantic relationships too!” like happens to every post I make about aromanticism.)

*Not a term I’m fond of and don’t use myself, but still find a need for a term describing that type of relationship.

hold onto ur hats folks this is gna get personal (but important tbh)

it truly baffles me to my fucking core when people say not to ship characters who are children bc im just? like????? kids get crushes????? brief story time, i knew someone in school, we were friends from reception (4-5 yrs old) to year 12 (16-17) and i was very much in love with him. like, so much so that in the later years of that time it started to Destroy me emotionally. i internally over-romanticised the FUCK out of that relationship for Y E A R S and when we got to an age where i finally gained a tiny tiny bit of self awareness it fucked me up really really bad when i finally realised it wasn’t gonna happen.

so like. don’t even try to tell me kids can’t have crushes, that shipping kid characters is wrong because loving someone as more than friends is inherently adult or sexual, i will laugh in your face.

unless you’re somehow saying i’m wrong about that VERY personal experience, or you’re saying that because the ship is m/m or f/f it’s “too adult”, in which case fuck off a thousand times over, idk what the fuck you think you’re on about tbh

and ok maybe that’s far from the healthiest happiest story but what it proves is that romantic feelings can exist at a young age, without sexuality. and i have enough imagination to realise that that can probably happen and go more positively, too, with different people involved, in a different situation.

anonymous asked:

I don't believe in soulmates or true love. Apparently, according to my mother, this means "I'll find my soulmate. They["cynical"] people always do," god forbid I'm rational and practical about relationships. God forbid a young adult doesn't want an obscenely emotionally dependant relationship built on romanticized abuse. God forbid there are other things I find far more important.

Ew, I’m sorry friend… while I personally believe that some people have soulmates and true love, I hate that the worlds focus is that EVERYONE must have one.

Relationships are not the most important to everyone. For some of us it’s high on our list, and for some it’s not. That’s okay and society needs to realize that.

Mod Bethany

We're just like everyone else — and we're also different

In some ways, people with disabilities are just like everyone else. In some ways, we are very different. Both sides of that matter. Bad things happen when either is overlooked.

We are different from everyone else in that our bodies work differently. Most people have bodies that can do certain things. Our bodies can’t do all of the things that most other people can do. That matters. Being blind means something. Being d/Deaf means something. Having an intellectual disability means something. Being autistic means something. Having a mobility disability means something. Fatigue means something. Depression means something. The way we move, communicate, think, and perceive the world matters. Thinking about the differences created by our disabilities allows us to think about how to live with them — and live well with them. These differences do not need to be cause for alarm — we’re just people, and we’re part of the world, just like everyone else.

We are just like everyone else in that we are human beings. Our bodies are important. We experience pleasure. We have feelings. When people hurt us, we feel it, and it matters. Injustices against us are important, and we have the right to resist. We learn for our whole lives. If we survive to the age of adulthood, we become adults. When we wrong people, it matters. We are able to love. We can reciprocate relationships, consideration, and efforts. And any number of other things. Basically, we are people.

We are different from nondisabled people in that we can’t assume that we will be treated as equals in any context. Few, if any, spaces are designed with the assumption that we will be present, or that our presence is important. A school with a wonderful reputation for supportive friendliness may be aggressively, or subtly, hostile to students with disabilities. A movie theater may not bother to unlock the accessible doors, or may not have accessible doors at all. Airline policies may make travel impossible. People who say they are our friends may see us as charity projects, possibly with the encouragement of teachers or therapists. Or any number of other things. The daily toll of unmet access needs adds up, especially when the barriers are unnecessary, especially when they could be easily removed if anyone cared to do so.

We often can’t even assume that our humanity will be recognized.  In our culture, we are surrounded by people who think that disability makes us less than human — sometimes even within disability community. Sometimes it’s subtle, and sometimes it’s blatant. Many of us grew up subjected to therapy that would have raised outcry if it had been done to a typically developing child. Any number of books and movies raise the question of whether death is better than disability. 

Conversations about disabled people often do not include us, and often do not even recognize that we have perspectives of our own. When disabled people are murdered by caregivers, the murderers often get more sympathy than the victims. Ethicists with tenure debate whether disabled people ought to be allowed to be born, whether medical treatment for people with disabilities is a good use of resources, and whether we’re really people after all. And so on. The dehumanization adds up, too.  Even when we are treated well, we live with the knowledge that people just like us are not. 

We are fully human, and it is wrong to treat us as subhuman. In that sense, and many others, we are just like everyone else. We are also different. We are physically and cognitively different from other people, and those differences are important. We are also treated very differently from others, and that experience is important too. All of these things shape who we are, and the skills we need to live well. Glossing over disability does not serve us. We can get a lot further if we are matter of fact about all of this, and face these realities honestly. 

Tl;dr People with disabilities are just like everyone else in some ways. We are different from everyone else in some ways. We are the same in that we are people. We are different in that our bodies work differently — and in that others treat us as subhuman. All of these things matter.

anonymous asked:

i hate the incest argument. yea you might think that consensual incest is nasty, but you know whats nastier? two consenting adults engaging in a loving relationship that hurts NO ONE being punishable by 20+ years of prision in some states. idc what you personally think of the topic, you are taking away their freedom. its their fucking businness, why do so many of you think your taste is more important than their freedom to love however they see fit smh

I really believe in personal freedom and “if they’re not hurting anyone leave them alone”. that’s a very very important part of my moral compass. i think people try to come up with excuses why incest is always wrong even if both parties are adults and are consenting - and admittedly, that’s super rare. incest is usually not consensual and usually isn’t two adults, and that is abusive and horrible…..but that doesn’t mean the “two consenting adults” situation NEVER happens. it does, and i know of real life examples of it. it’s just not my place to call those people evil and immoral for doing something that doesn’t fucking involve me at all and doesn’t actually harm anyone, just because i think it’s gross. i know some people will never change their minds about this, but i refuse to be like “yes incest is always evil and wrong no matter what circumstances” just because that would be a more popular opinion to have.

Responsible Kinking and You: a PSA to the BTS fandom

In light of all the fun lots of us have been having with Daddy/little stuff lately, here are some friendly reminders:

  • Firstly; SEXUALIZING ACTUAL MINORS IS NOT OKAY. EVER.
  • There is nothing wrong with any kink, as long as you are not hurting anyone (without their consent) or putting others in potential danger
  • This fandom, regardless of your own personal bubble of friends and followers, is predominantly underage. That’s just the way it is, considering the type of content kpop produces. It’s built around the wish fulfilment of teenage girls and encourages them to pour all their enthusiasm into it! It’s great!
  • As such, again, regardless of your own personal group of friends or your own experiences of fandom, you and your content (be it art, fanfiction, text posts, etc etc) is coming into contact with underage kids Every. Single. Day.
  • If you are an adult, you should definitely be conscious of your online presence and the content you post/produce and make sure that potentially damaging or misleading content isn’t out there
  • By all means, make and post whatever you want! But be aware of your potential audience and the very fine line between “promoting a healthy sex life, between two consenting adults, partaking in whatever play they wish” and “promoting unbalanced, misleading representations of kink and sexual relationships that occasionally border of the actual literal paedophilic
  • Informed consent is extremely important; without full knowledge of the consequences, risks and benefits of a situation, someone could consent to something they do not fully understand and be harmed as a result
  • Informed consent is especially important for BDSM practices and is really important for people who are exploring their sexuality and kinks to understand!!!
  • I’m not saying someone’s nsfw twitter or a fic about Namjoon calling Jin ‘daddy’ is going to make some underage fan go out and accidentally get themselves into an abusive Daddy/Little relationship or whatever, but if you have the knowledge and understanding, please share it!! Protect these kids exploring their sexualities by helping them make the best, most informed decisions they can!!
  • And, of course:
  • Me asking you to be responsible with your posting =/= me kink shaming you, or ordering you to educate everyone that comes across your content
  • Let’s just be mindful, y’all
BMW was about finding your true love young and holding on to it. Girl Meets World is about how kids today are out of touch with their feelings and cannot recognize what's real the way Cory (and later Topanga) could.

(This was originally a reblog response, but I feel like it merits its own post, so here we go.)

Boy Meets World was (in large part) a show about how Cory found his true love very young. In many ways, the ONLY thing Cory really understood was what love was. He recognized it, and, in retroactive continuity, he believed all through his life except for a very brief moment right before their wedding. And that was what made Cory and Topanga extraordinary, unique, and very rare. Jacobs won’t be repeating that story with GMW. The major romantic theme of the Boy Meets World pilot was that love is the most important thing in the world, and that it is worth every hardship and sacrifice to preserve it when you find it.

Girl Meets World, on the other hand, is about how kids live in a world where they DON’T recognize what love really is. Look at Riley and Farkle. They met very young and it’s clear they’ve had a different sort of connection than Maya and Farkle from the start. But Riley has absolutely no recognition of the extraordinary depth of she and Farkle’s connection, of what it could mean for them. Those of us who grew up with Cory and Topanga (or truly understood them, regardless of age) who remember well all those lessons about what love really is, can easily look at (and listen to) Riley and Farkle (or Maya and Lucas) and say “oh goodness look at what they have there, it’d be a shame for them to miss out on that.” (And that’s what the Corpanga parallels are for, to let us know that these kids have that foundation regardless of what they end up doing with it). But these kids? They have no idea.

The extraordinary core relationship of THIS show is not a romance, but rather the girls’ friendship. Most friendships would NOT survive liking the same boy; it’s almost as unlikely as marrying your childhood sweetheart, although it does happen. Just as Cory believed in Corpanga, the girls—Riley especially—believe in the power of their friendship.

The major romantic theme presented in the GMW pilot is “how can you possibly love two people at the same time?” And the way they explore that theme has been all about the perception of love and relationships vs the reality of that. You can’t truly LOVE two people at the same time, not in the same way. But when you’ve got a warped perspective of what love really is, of what makes a good relationship, it’s very easy to think you’re in love (or have the potential to fall in love) with one person when deep down you’re TRULY in love (or have the potential for it, if you prefer) with another.

Back in late summer of 2015, Jacobs talked about the “bi-modal” audience of the show:

“What is important to realize…the show is bi-modal; we have two audiences. And I would ask for patience from our adult audience to understand that the really, vastly important service that the show performs is an illumination of what this work is for the younger audience. And it is necessary. You’re cooked. The very young people that we are doing this for as well are still in the pot. And I think that it’s very important to influence them positively and correctly.”

The adult audience finished learning our lessons about love (et cetera) from Jacobs a long time ago, and we learned most of those lessons through the extraordinary, and extremely rare relationship of Cory and Topanga. (Jacobs often calls them an aberration.) The newer, younger audience is still boiling in the pot, and Jacobs is teaching them those same lessons…but in a very different way because he didn’t want to make the same show twice. In short, I think Jacobs knows that a large chunk of the audience (old folks especially, but really just anyone who understood and truly took the lessons of Cory and Topanga to heart) can look at these pairs of kids and recognize who has the makings of/potential for a true deep romance and who doesn’t really. (And frankly that’s why a LOT of us are going to feel like Cory did after his Ski Lodge debacle, like we’re the only ones who believe that the “true loves” of the show will happen one day. Part of me wonders if this is part of why he’s asking us for patience…)

But a LOT of the audience, especially the very young (but also a significant portion of the older audience, strangely), likely cannot recognize what’s real and what’s not. And the story being told here is not “find your true love young and hold on tight.” Jacobs already told that story. THIS story is about the way kids perceive love vs what love actually is. This is a story about how “kids these days” are so distracted by screens and shiny objects and hollow words without any true, *honest* action to back them up that they don’t recognize what’s real vs what’s just flash.

It’s very very important that Ski Lodge 1 is in large part about what these girls currently believe an “ideal romance” should be. This is their childhood/tween PERCEPTION of what love is. And you’ll see in Part 2 how the girls are given the opportunity at last to embrace those ideals and begin to try to play them out in the real world.

Many people are going to look at Ski Lodge and say: HAHA THESE ARE THE ENDGAME COUPLES THESE COUPLES ARE CORY AND TOPANGA SUCK IT HAHA. But the thing is: there is no “Corpanga” for this show. There is no romantic pairing of young kids who have found love young, recognized that and will now work to preserve it, a la Cory and Topanga. Because this is a show about the OPPOSITE of that, it’s about NOT being able to recognize what’s real when it comes to love because your ideals are so warped by the stuff that reaches you via screen. (It’s also a show about how there are different KINDS of love and that can confuse things even further, but that’s another post).

“On “Girl Meets World,” if the audience perceives that what this is about is a love triangle, then they don’t know us. There is a much bigger and broader conceptual question that we are answering with what appears to be a triangle between Riley, Maya and Lucas.”

“If we did “Girl Meets Love,” it would not be one episode. It would be a sustained series of episodes in an attempt to explain, for this generation, what the perception of love is, versus what love may actually be, versus are we ready for that at all? Something that is so important cannot be something we tell in one story. But the understanding of how to grow and what’s valuable to these kids will manifest itself over these episodes. We want to do it intelligently, and what we’re not looking to do is a love triangle.”

The romance arcs on Boy Meets World didn’t kick into high gear until S3, and the same is true for GMW. Just as with BMW though, we’ve had two seasons of set up, and in that time we’ve been able to see what the foundations of these friendships are, about the different ways these kids treat each other in different combinations (the square dance). Those of us who learned our BMW lessons well can already tell which of these pairings have the potential for a really extraordinary romance should they ever RECOGNIZE it. On BMW, Cory and Topanga’s foundation was laid in S1-S2, they got together in S3, and despite a few breakups, they were together forever after that.

That’s not what’s going to happen on GMW.

On Girl Meets World, rather than finding true love young, recognizing it, and holding on forever, these girls are going to explore what they THINK an ideal romance should be. They’re going to walk through that lesson side by side with their friendship lighting the way. They’re going to learn some major lessons about what’s wrong with those romantic ideals as well as (eventually, I think) how the good parts of those ideals can be played out in a real way with the RIGHT person (who may not be the person you would have expected). They’re going to learn about how chasing an ideal rather than truly falling for a PERSON is folly. And through it all the one extraordinary relationship that will ALWAYS prevail? Riley and Maya. They are the Corpanga of the show.

Addendum:

The point of the parallels to Corpanga (or other BMW pairings/friendships) is to show what the foundation of these relationships really is. Because that’s what season one and season two were all about, laying that foundation before the story (and the major theme of falling for concepts and/or how do you love two people at the same time) begins to play out in earnest, resting atop that foundation.

Just like how on BMW you got the foundation for Cory and Topanga in season one and two, but their relationship (and the major theme of how to preserve that love once you’ve recognized it) doesn’t begin in earnest until season three.

These characters are individuals and they absolutely develop on their own. The point of the parallels (to Corpanga or otherwise) is not to say that they are exactly the same as the characters they are paralleling, it’s only to show that they have experienced the same moment or the same feeling during the foundation-laying in S1-2. That’s why it’s very important that Jacobs told us that those parallels are clues to what is going to happen. But it’s gonna be a long road to Belgium 1831.

Just a reminder

As your resident adult and married person here i would like to remind you:

Friendships are just as important as romantic relationships.

Yes it’s tempting to ignore or put friends on the back burner when you start a romance. But it’s important to have friends. Every friend provides something different. Every friend is important. Spending time and attention on people other than your romantic partner is just as important, not only just for you but for your partner as well.

Trust me. If it is a healthy relationship, spending time with other people is not only important, but healthy.

  • me: "yeah i'm not a huge fan of the hunger games anymore"
  • me: do people know what katniss and peeta went through as 16 year old children, do they understand the level of pstd they had to suffer before, during and after the games, do people understand the severity and importance of war and rebellion in the young adult novel, do people fully understand how important katniss is as a female poc protagonist (who is generally unlikeable) and how the plot focuses on a political satire of our society and also incorporates romance as a subplot that supports katniss' character growth but doesn't distract from the main storyline, do people understand that even though peeta and gale were love interests for katniss they both respected each other and never slated each other, do people know how the relationship between katniss and peeta grows maturely and how they respect each other despite how katniss used him in the 74th hunger games, and how they heal each other after the games and after everything that happens, they settle for each other because they realise they need each other and how katniss' decision to "choose" her partner was never rushed or forced like......... do they even know