imperfection

The moon is a loyal companion. It never leaves. It’s always there, watching, steadfast, knowing us in our light and dark moments, changing forever just as we do. Every day it’s a different version of itself. Sometimes weak and wan, sometimes strong and full of light. The moon understands what it means to be human. Uncertain. Alone. Cratered by imperfections.
—  Tahereh Mafi, Shatter Me
"I Am"

I Am A Student

I am a student. I haven’t figured it all out yet. I began this journey excited and thrilled to be a small part of a worldwide mission to help others.

I am a student. I apologize to everyone for it, even though I shouldn’t.

I am a student. I am learning, I ask repetitive questions, I don’t always understand and sometimes I may look like I’m capable, and I’m not.

I am a student, I am sometimes frightened before I walk into a patient’s room. I am a little fearful to talk to families. I am fearful to speak up. I am just unsure.

I am a student. I am also human. I goof off, usually in the moments when everyone is looking. I am a student, I also have extraordinary goals. I study hard, forgo social invitations, neglect my loved ones, spend hours researching, and hours in tears of frustration.

I am a student. Sometimes I have absolutely no idea what i am doing, or why I chose this major.

I am a student. I will screw up, say things that will annoy you, ask questions that will frustrate you, do things that will irritate you.

I am a student. I am scared. I am hopeful. I want to be you, but I also want to be me.

I am a student. I am sometimes in your way. I am sometimes in my own way. I am a visual learner. I am a tactile learner. I have learned that standing against the wall or in a corner won’t save lives. I am a student, your student, your past, and I want to learn from you.

I am a student. I am grateful for feedback, I am thankful for the supportive people who remember their own beginnings.

I am a student. Guide me.

I Am A Nurse.

I am a nurse. I don’t apologize for that anymore.

I am a nurse. I chose this profession, I did not settle.

I am a nurse, I graduated an accredited college, it doesn’t matter which one. I am a nurse who supports others with their goals in education. I support everyone’s right to learn inside or outside of an institution.

I am a nurse. I passed the rigors of a licensing exam, and I am not defined by the 75 or 265 questions I answered.

I am a new nurse. I will be subjected to hazing, bullying, mockery - and I will endure it.

I am a nurse, I don’t always know the right thing to say, or do, but I will do my best in this moment to listen to what my patients need. I am a nurse who learns from my patients.

I am a nurse. I am no longer afraid to speak up. I am not afraid to ask for help when I’m not sure.

I am a nurse. I’ve learned that dying, and the art of letting go is a dance of immense pain, yet it can also lend immense beauty to the memory of life when a patient’s final moments are regarded with dignity.

I am a nurse, and I work hard. I still have extraordinary goals. But I am also human. I may goof off at the exact moment when a patient’s family is watching. I will probably good off when the nurse manager or supervisor walks by. I sometimes lose patience when I’m stressed, I sometimes wish people would just go away, and leave me be. I neglect loved ones when I’ve had a rough shift and retreat into silence. I spend hours reflecting, and sometimes wishing a trapdoor would open up rather than face another day at work.

I am a nurse. I sometimes will make the most extraordinary mistakes, I am a nurse who gains wisdom and mindfulness from each error. I am a nurse who has learned to admit the error, take responsibility and accountability - without blaming the title or profession of nursing.

I am a nurse. I don’t attain to be perfect, but I attain to learn something each day, and I attain to take great care of my patients through their joys, and during their most difficult times. I attain to provide the kind of hope, comfort or support they need.

I am a nurse. Sometimes I still have no idea what I am doing.

I am a nurse, and for every day I want to quit, I am floored by this profession that gives me an opportunity to just be who I am.

“I really wish Disney and Pixar would be more original with their characters, it’s not that they sometime use the same model for some characters, what bothers me is the lack of imperfections. I was born with different colored eyes and other children would make fun of me for something I couldn’t control so as a kid, I never had any princess to relate to because of my odd appearance. It just gets under my skin when characters still look perfect without any scars, different colored eyes or anything.”