impalaofgrace

impalaofgrace replied to your post: castiel, ‘neutral good’, ‘infp’, ‘adorkable’…

cas is a quintessential example of chaotic good, every time i see someone label him as lawful/neutral good i die inside a little

tbh i’m far more attached to ‘chaotic’ than to 'good’ because historically cas hasn’t necessarily only done good things or had good intentions but he HAS always been willing to come up with the most chaotic, risky, and out-there plans to achieve his goals

Bonus, castiel being called out by his ex atropos who he ghosted for dean:

CASTIEL Well, I’m sorry. But freedom is more preferable.

ATROPOS Freedom? This is chaos!

Castiel is the fucking chaos engine :DD

Me as an SPN fan

I started watching the show when it first began airing in 2005 and I was all about it. I love horror, I love fantasy, I could relate to the sometimes snarky, imperfect siblings who managed to kick ass through all their issues. And I mean, obviously there was Dean BurgerWhiskeyImpala80sMusicPopCultureReferencesSoftSideWithoutDiggingTooDeepBisexualAF Winchester… For a lot of reasons, many of them centered around some intense battles with general anxiety and depression, I was rarely ever caught up, but I was always down to binge my way close with my sibs and sometimes an enthusiastic friend, and there was a lot of related fun and geeking out. I once went so far as to convince an ex that my new boyfriend was a guy named Dean who was out of town with his brother a lot for work… Yeah, more on that another time if anyone ever cares to hear that mess….

As I got older, I started to lapse a little in how attentive I was to the series. Some of it was flat out not having physical access to it, some of it was plot/trope/device fatigue, and some of it was being disheartened by a lack of canonically textualized bi!Dean. The last bit I mostly kept to myself because it was a (pre-meta) matter of feeling like a crazy fan wishing for service by no means owed to me, and maybe getting into discussions of my own sexuality that I didn’t feel keen or even allowed to claim until many years later. I mean, with the massive benefit of hindsight, I’ve always been about better representation in general but  Dean’s appeal to me probably wasn’t solely based on looks or our similar tastes in food, cars, and music. So yeah, adulting and frustrations not atypical of a longstanding fandom/human being slowed things way down for me when it came to Supernatural…

That said….

I’ve never ever been able [wanted] to fully give up on it and I still have a significant amount of warm fuzzies when I really get down to the heart of things. So again and again I come back to Winchester land, through catching episodes at my parents’ place, and Netflix, and now Tumblr. Yes, there have been moments where I’ve come back to the fold only to be met with a face-full of dead Kevins and Charlies, and Jensen saying things that I can by no means reconcile with a decade of acting that speaks to the contrary, and that’s not always great. In fact, sometimes it really sucks (https://blazeeblake.tumblr.com/post/163195091711/the-story-of-my-relationship-with-supernatural). But, I think I’m at a point where I can be OK with that, where I can be a fan with a multitude of feels, who can look at some things with a critical eye and not have it be the end of the world. I know, I know, that’s most fans in general, but it took me a while to get here for some reason. In that vein, I think the community here really helped me to reach where I’m at and I couldn’t be more grateful for that. I’ve been once again tumbling down the rabbit hole for a couple of months now, laughing a lot, having my heart voluntarily ripped open, nodding along like my life depended on it, discovering marvelous fics, and even writing fics of my own and I’m pretty good with all of it. Sometimes even great.

I don’t know if I have much of a point to all of this, but I guess thanks to all the shippers, meta people, spoiler bloggers, fic writers, and deliciously bitter Cas-girls out there. These days when I’m feeling nuts in a Supernatural-related way, I can smile about it instead of turning into a cringe-y weirdo. Come to think of it, my husband may owe you all a little too since there are now other people I can go all SPN straw [coat] theory with late into the night. 
Shouting out to @coffeeandcas , @deanismypatronass , @desusfangirl , @elizabethrobertajones , @ibelieveinthelittletreetopper , @impalaofgrace , @super-sootica , @tinkdw

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The “Cas” marathon: season 5. [ Castiel’s version ] [ season 4 ]