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Souvenir

Remember when we said we’d travel together?

Go everywhere see everything?

Remember all the places you wanted to show me?

I do. But you forget every time you leave

but you come back and you get her a souvenir

and it’s wrapped in pink and it’s her birthday

the one after she gave up on you

but you were hurt and i warned you but you didn’t listen

and i was mad

because when do you ever listen?

if i was a traveler and i found you here i’d pick you up put you in my pocket

and leave.

but that’s not how it is because i’m here and you’re there

and you’ll be gone

but you come back

but what’s the point

because you leave again

and I’m alone

and you say you are too

because i’m not with you

but your pocket’s empty so why am i not with you.

in life you have to pick what you keep

and what you leave behind

some things you throw away

and others you keep

but they don’t stay

forever,

because in the end you throw them all away

they just stayed a bit longer than others

and that’s how I see it because you made me see it this way.

I thought you were a keeper.

but you never kept me.

You know what hurts? What really hurts? Is when your best friend stops talking to you and starts ignoring you. And you have no idea why. You don’t know where you went wrong and what you could have possibly done wrong to make them not want to even be around you anymore.

At least they're my friends... in my memories.

Have you ever been experienced of being ignored by someone? Me? YES. Not once but 4 times. It hurts right? It really really really hurts me a lot. :’(

1st one. When Im on my high school years (1st year to be specific). This girl is one of my closest friends. We’ve been friend since grade 3. We treat each other like best friends because we always been together where ever we’ll go. Haha. But it didn’t came actually in my mind that one day she’s goin to ignore me. One morning when our TLE time, I approached her going to tell something. When I talked to her, she ignored me. But its okay for me coz i thought she didn’t here me. When my second approach. I came to her with a happy face and on second time around, she ignored me.. again. :(( Then I asked one of my classmates “bakit di namamansin yun?” she answered me “lagot ka” with matching hand gestures. And my reaction? O.O Why me? What did I do? I don’t know what i’d done to her. Why she ignores me?? What’s my fault?. Then my classmate told me that “pinakialaman mo daw kasi ung friendtser niya” (friendster is famous at that time and I also know her password). I told them that I don’t do that. Why should I? I don’t care about her friendster coz I also have my own so why bother using her account? Still she did ignores me. So I let time passed by. Then another day came, she’s starting to make chitchat to me. She told me the reason why she did that. I said sorry to her even though its not really my fault but its fine with me. At least we’re in good terms until now. She’s not as close to me before but we are still friends. :)

2nd one. This time its in my college days. We’re also close friend before like the first one above. We also go every where. We always hang out. We always go home together with my other friend. Then one day she’s starting to ignore. When Im gonna make a convo to her its like Im talking to a wind. What ever I told to her she didn’t notice. She always walk away when I tried to talk to her. And what I feel on that time? I want to cry. What did I do again? Im the only one that she ignores me. Everyone in our cirlce of friends, she talked to them, joke around with them, happy with them. Then me? Ignored by her? I don’t know what to do on that time. Im talking to my other friends. What did I done wrong? They all asked me the same questions: “Ano bang ginawa mo sa kanya?” Whaaaat?! then I answered them “Wala naman akong ginagawang masama.” All of us didn’t know all the reason why she ignores me. Then I do that again. I let time passed by, trying to wait until she’s starting to talk to me again. Then the day came, its our PE time. Our friends make a way to make us talked. They succeed. We talked. Talk about why she starts to ignore me. She explains everything. (I will not tell here whats the reason behind. Its for us only. Haha :P) When she told me the reason Im struck. Now I remember. Its the message thingy. The group message what I sent to everyone. I told her that I did not intend to do that really. Its only a misunderstanding between us. She said that “ipinagkalat ko daw yung convo nila (referring to her suitor)” through text message. My reaction is HAAAAAAAA?! “wala ngang nagtanong tungkol dun eh”. Then she wondered what did she do to me. She misunderstood my text message. So far, we’re also in good terms. We’re not close friend anymore. We’re civil to each other.

3rd one. Still college days. A close friend also. She start ignoring us when she had a boyfriend. YES. Its US. Her friends. WE had a group before its called G’s or GARAPALAN’s for long. We’re close to each other. We eat together in karinderya. Make gala on SM Manila. Hang out at Luneta Park. We do that sometimes. And it stops when she had a boyfriend. It comes that he’s also our classmate. She’s always apart with us. At first, we knew that she has a suitor (i think?) she didn’t bother to tell who was him. But its fine with us as long as she’s happy with that guy. But the day came up we already knew who was her boyfriend. And its our classmate. We knew it by revealing themselves. They’re always together. At first, we are all in shock. We had no clue that he’s the boyfriend. When they revealed, she start ignoring us. Why? I don’t know either. Maybe she’s shy coz she didn’t tell us about it. I dunno!! And still now, we’re not in good terms. She still ignore us. Uhm.. We’re civil at each other.. I guess? Hahaha. Oh well. Its okaaaay nowwww with me. :)))

4th one. College. One of my close friend. She ignores me! Until now! I don’t really really know what’s the freakin’ reason! This time, I remember all the things what i’ve done to her when we were together but I still can’t remember it! When I talk to her one time she ignores me. Yeah. What’s new? :////// When my friends ask her what’s wrong and why did she ignores me. She answered “wala lang”. Huh?! What kind of answer is that?! Ignoring someone without any reason? Tsk. I don’t mind it anymore. Pshh.. But I know we are still friends. I bet she’s shy to talk to me. Haha! I wish its true. XD

That’s the four person who ignored me. Im reaally really bothered when someone is ignoring me especially when they’re my friends. When they ignores me, all I want to do is to cry and ask myself what did I’ve done wrong to them. But i dont wanna cry. I want to be strong in front of them. And at least care to tell me why did they do that so that i can correct it to myself and say sorry to them. :l

A long overdue vent session

If I could I would,but I simply cannot. If I looked back into my life in the most recent years, I can trail the bad luck that has weaved through my path. For me, I really don’t believe I deserve some of the blessings I have. But it is safe to say with all those blessings come hardships that are difficult to get over.

My life has a trend where whenever things are going good or better, something abrupt happens to cease all the happiness. To be honest, I just want to be happy for a good period of time without something actually happening to me. Getting all my things stolen, unseen accidents, internet scams, etc. I just want a period of time where it does go my way, but the black cloud that usually follows me usually doesn’t put out a ray of sunshine.

Am I saying my life is bad? Are there other people much less fortunate than me going through a harder crisis? Yes and I want to be the first to tell them that they don’t deserve any of that bullshit people put them through. If I learned anything in my life it’s that people are cruel and weak. They hide behind the misfortune of others to make themselves happy. Why is that .. why do we get caught on the raw end of the stick and inherit the hardships of other people’s free will? Whether it be karma or fate, I just hope these people wake up and realize that their actions have a lot more effect on others than they think.

Thinking about all my bad luck gets me so frustrated to the point I don’t want to do anything. Things happen for a reason, but fuck bro I really wish some of the things didn’t. I’m not the strongest or smartest individual, but damn God throw me a break please. I make mistakes and everyone does, but some of these people really don’t deserve it. I make an honest living and even though I do have evil thoughts and don’t like everyone I see, do believe I wouldn’t want to make their life miserable as much as some of these other people do.

I need a break from this bad luck, we all do. I’m counting my blessings and I’m thankful again, but shit I really hope this bad luck won’t fall through because I really don’t know what I’d do. Throw me a break, please? I’m begging at this point.