images of myself

For the first time in my life, I can look in the mirror and not hate what I see. I never thought that it would happen, but when I embarked on this journey, I made the decision to love myself and my body. There are still days when I struggle with my self image. Years of hating myself and the thoughts that resulted from it are hard to shake and they’ll never fully go away, but replacing them with healthy thoughts and habits is one of the best decisions I’ve made for myself. Things are looking up.

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.

Casually adding this to the list of things that I wish had happened