ima go cry some more now

I woke up this morning and realized a few things that kind of took me by surprise. Honestly it’s crazy how my life has changed in the past few months. I’m writing, producing, and working from home and making money doing it. I’m able to pay all of my bills and live in Los Angeles, CA more than comfortably. I have a loving and caring boyfriend who values and respects me and dicks me down mercilessly. I didn’t even realize we’d been officially “together” almost a month and we haven’t had one argument (disagreements, yes, but rare and always respectful/loving/healthy– he’s never even raised his voice at me). We legit just be together all of the time and like doing that shit, and we still check in and remind each other to focus on projects, take breaks to get shit done and come back to each other like it’s nothing. We can work silently in the same room and it’s kosher. I have great friends who love me and care for me and support the fuck out of me. I’m hosting a couples game night tomorrow for them at my place and we’re going to make tacos and get drunk and watch The Office and play charades. My bestfriend from childhood might come to visit this month which would be super lit because the weather is getting awesome and we could go to the beach and I’m sure she’d/we’d have a great fucking time. The Get Down Pt. 2 didn’t disappoint me. I might get a dog. I’m performing all over LA and making a name for myself as a poet and community leader. I’m working hard on my passions and figured out a way to work from home and get paid weekly and generally kick ass at life. I woke up this morning feeling weird because there was an absence of something I became so used to, and it was crying. Like, I haven’t cried in SO LONG. I haven’t been unhappy in SO LONG it seems like. I guess I’m not used to the consistent, unwavering feeling of happiness. I’m not used to it just being chill, it used to feel like something was missing if I wasn’t in pain in some way or another. I know there will be more trials but right now I’m pinching myself because I’ve never felt this secure, happy, and safe and I’m just very grateful that I’m still here to feel and witness it. Ok. That’s all. Ima go buy taco ingredients for these vegan ass niggas coming over tomorrow.

The 100 4x09 DNR

I most definitely did not cry, nope. I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Okay, fine, I cried. Harper and monty, raven and Murphy man……made me cry so bad….and that goodbye with Harper jasper and Bellamy………fuck

First, let me start with the Harper and Monty scene. Him staying behind for Harper, I just. Ughhh, I may be a hopeless romantic, but when she saw monty standing there, I died. They’re so cute together, and for him to make that decision because of how much he loves her……..I’m just concerned that all my favorite characters are going to start dying. This show is fucking me up.

Next, the Goodbye between Harper, Jasper, and Bellamy. First of all, let me note that this is one of the first times we really saw them forgive Bellamy. Sure there was 4x08, but it was “forgiveness” as much as an “were all dying so I don’t give a shit”. I love how Bellamy still sticks up for the 100. How he understands what they want. He said it was their choice, and they they pretty much deserved to decide their fate, and I’m glad he got Jaha to see that. And that “whatever the hell you want”, man that messed me up. Bringing it back. Jasper might not be my favorite character, but I actually kind of enjoyed him today.

Now the Raven and Murphy scene. That was the one that made me cry the most. The others were my eyes tearing up, but this was full out crying. When he apologized for shooting her, and she immediately told him it wasn’t his fault, I got so emotional. And Raven saying she could deal with losing a leg but not her mind. WHY DO THEY DO THIS TO ME??? I can’t even describe it because this scene made me so sad, it really pulled at my feels. Murphy seemed like he was gonna cry when he talked to Raven, and Raven did cry and seeing two characters I love so vulnerable it just made me cry.


anyway, next week apparently(HOPEFULLY) Bellamy steps up in a big way for Octavia, according to Marie Avgeropoulos. What do you think that is, honestly?

1. Some think it’s that he’s going to get hurt trying to save Octavia, now that he realizes she’s back, and she wants to be there. I thought that too, but now I’m not so sure.

2. The more I think of it, “stepping up” doesn’t have to be him protecting Octavia. It could simply be him telling Octavia that she doesn’t need his protection anymore, and that he wants her to do what she wants, not what he wants for her.

3. It could also potentially mean if Octavia gets into trouble with Azgeda or anyone in Polis, since she had killed people, that he sticks up for her and gets her out of trouble. It completely contradicts what I just said above, but it’s another possibility.

(And that cute platonic bellarke moment there…….I was hoping for a more dramatic reunion but this’ll do)

I’m still waiting for a murphamy reunion btw