im-okay

3

It’s nearly been one year since Undertale was released, and even though I didn’t know about it until christmas, I still feel like the game helped me to get through a very hard time in my life.
It’s a rough sketch, but I just felt like making something to show my appreciation.

Even though the hard times aren’t over yet, being in this fandom has helped me get through, and Im so so grateful.

  • what she says: i'm fine
  • what she means: anakin and padme never got to see luke and leia grow up and they never got to decorate the nursery in a nice house on naboo and they never got to hear their kids whine when they kiss in front of them and they never saw their kids first steps and they never heard their toddlers say their names and obi-wan never got his beard braided by leia and luke never put flowers in obi-wan's hair and the twins never played with anakin's metal arm and padme never got to watch her husband rock their babies to sleep
And after it all… I’m sitting outside- the sun hitting my skin and laughing with the people that matter. You’re not here and I’m okay. Y0u’re gone and for the first time, I wouldn’t change a thing.
—  Thanks for giving me the chance to be better

Let me get ridiculously emotional right now. I’m like, sitting here just wondering what I did to deserve all of you guys?

Like, you’re so supportive, and so nice and you actually talk to me and I love talking to you, and you like my writing and I love writing for you… It’s just wow, thank you guys so very much.

You’re making all of it possible because you’re reading what I’m putting out there, and you’re liking it and I’ve made so many more friends recently that I just can’t even handle myself lol.

We play around with each other, I give you headcanons and you guys are giving me some, we got our homeboy onion, and the inside joke of eating ladybugs lmao. It’s just such a good vibe and I love it so much.

Just, goodness me. I love you guys, and I really hope you have a good life ‘cause you all deserve it so much.

I. We’re fifteen and you’re holding me tighter than anyone ever has. My world seems to be falling apart, but you seem to be the only one that can keep me together.

II. We’re sixteen and you’re whispering sweet nothings in her ear. And it’s not anyone, it’s my other best friend. I don’t know why, but I hate it. You both asked if it was okay and of course I said yes because what else would I say? You catch my gaze from across the room. You can read me like a book and see something off, but instead you send me back a smile.

It’s been four months and you guys were over before you started. I’m with him and you hate him. He’s sweet and funny and cute and a good distraction from whatever is missing.

III. We’re seventeen and we’re as normal as ever. Maybe too normal. We kissed, but nothing happened. I pretty much told you how I felt, but nothing happened.

It’s been six months and you have her. You say you’re not together, but I see the way you talk so closely so no one hears and the way you sneak off together when you think no ones looking. I don’t know why you won’t tell me because I’m happy for you.

IV. We’re eighteen and haven’t held an actual conversation in three months. You’re busy with this and I’m busy with that. We walk past each other without a single glance. My heart breaks everyday we don’t talk. I miss my best friend.

It’s been two months and you’re standing in front of me telling me everything that’s gone through your head since we’ve last talked. It’s nothing I would’ve expected and makes me feel almost guilty for being mad at you. You keep apologizing and telling me you don’t deserve me, but we both know that’s not true. I take your hand and take you back downstairs and keep dancing.

It’s been two weeks and we’re back to normal. We keep avoiding the conversation about me going to school in a few weeks and you staying here. You know it’s going to happen because your gazes are longer and your touches linger.

V. We’re nineteen and we manage to be more mature and immature than ever. We’re sitting on the roof just outside my window telling each other all the things that’s happened, which isn’t much because we pretty much covered all of it when it happened. The feeling of content and safety come back to me within minutes of holding your hand.

It’s been three months and I’m back at home with you. That feeling is coming back, but every time I open my eyes you’re there and I’m not as scared as I used to be.

—  We’ll see when we’re twenty