im-loser

sometimes i feel like such a weak loser because im like the only person in any of my friend groups who can’t handle horror movies or gore or anything and my friends want me to watch that stuff with them or want to talk about it but

i think i honestly dont want to desensitize myself to the point of being able to handle that stuff

i think there’s something i value about not being desensitized to it, about still being at the level of empathy where seeing gore makes me immediately involuntarily start imagining exactly what it’d feel like and how painful it’d be and i just get so fucking DISTRESSED because i can’t not put myself in the shoes of the character getting mutilated or whatever and imagine the pain they’re experiencing and the psychological terror as well

i would have to become so over-exposed to this stuff that i stopped empathizing with any of it and just could watch it without a twinge of sympathy and just nod silently and go “yeah that’s cool”

and that, when i spell it out like that, that sounds fucking horrifying to me. i dont ever want to be that way. i think i’ll gladly stay squeamish in the interest of still empathizing with others openly and easily and not taking any of it for granted

  • someone:hey dude why haven't you learned how to drive yet?? i know you're nervous but it wears off :)
  • me:dude you literally cannot comprehend the level of anxiety i get when behind the wheel, the thought of driving makes my stomach drop and i feel like im gonna be sick, im honestly terrified of hitting someone with a car and killing them
  • them:what
  • me:..i mean it's just so much easier having other people drive me :)
10

Generation of Miracles
First and Last matches with Seirin