Melly’s Business Hoe Primer
So you want to learn about the people who do the things! Not every artist is at the level of 1D, so they don’t tend to need a large (and very pricey) entourage of Business Hoes managing their careers. But below you’ll find a primer on the key players managing the Zehns, Loammies, Harrehs, Louehs, and Nolls.
They are the most critical member of an artist’s team and basically at the top of the Business Hoe team pyramid. Think of the artist as a corporation, and the manager is the COO. Managers are meant to be the loving and ruthless shield between an artist and Everyone Else™, and they’re the most key of middlemen. A good manager can elevate your career (think Bieber & Scooter Braun), and a bad one can mean a sad and desolate career landscape (not to be a dramatic hoe about it).
What they’re responsible for: Pretty much a little bit of everything. They handle & dictate all major business decisions including:
- Record deals & publishing deals
- Putting together the artist’s professional team, including agents, business managers, stylists, beards, and overseeing the day-to-day
- Helping to coordinate tours by working with agents & promoters and sorting out the route & the tour crew
- Finding a home in your record label’s ass to make sure the label is doing The Most™ in terms of advertising and marketing your records (First Access Entertainment I’m looking at you)
A publicist has roughly two key functions in an artist’s career: taking care of an artist’s image and relationship within the media, and using some thinking boob muscle to generate buzz and press interest for their client. .
What they’re responsible for:
- Working hand-in-hand with marketing and advertising to create a cohesive promotional campaign for a release. This includes sending out press kits and following up with media outlets for media opportunities and interviews
- Media training (they’ll teach you the most charming way to tell someone like Dan Wootton to fuck off if they ask you for the 2958953 who your celebrity crush is)
- Getting their client press coverage
- Crisis Management (Ex. Maybe you had a moment where you accidentally Snapchatted an erotic nude poetry slam of yourself to your entire contacts list. Your publicist then invents a story that you were the victim of an elaborate European email hack and ransom extortion plot. See Doyen Global & Simon Oliveira’s handling of the Beckham e-mail goat rodeo for details).
Going back to what we learned about managers, what’s important to note is that publicists can only work with the time they’re given. So, say, if we were to maybe look at the lack of promotional opportunities an artist that was *maybe* named Zayn was given, we’d be mindful that the publicist was likely only given a very limited window of availability for Zayn’s time. (and high key, Zayn has two of the very best PR teams in the business enlisted).
Think of an A&R Rep as the wise Yoda of the album making process. On the label side of things, they’re a very busy and important Business Hoe.
What they’re responsible for: An A&R rep is one of the more glam jobs in the music industry. They basically help guide the development of the artist, including the overall marketed image. They’re instrumental in matching an artist with producers, helping an artist find and choose the right songs, and shaping the overall sound of the record.
Social Media Manager
A SMM is the one behind your fave’s user handle and with that power comes great responsibility. 98% of the time that’s not your face behind that user handle, its their social media manager (or an intern). Pinky swear.
What they’re responsible for:
- Work with the artist’s team and label to stay on brand and on message across all digital platforms (so Instagram, Twitter, tumblr, Snapchat)
- Develop and/or maintain a voice for that artist (are they snarky? Handy with the memes? A+ with fan service?)
- Come up with a strategy to incentivize and engage the artist’s fanbase across the interwebs
Music agents are a lot different then film agents, but are still pretty influential Business Hoes just the same.
What they’re responsible for: Primarily booking live appearances. They can also be involved in tour sponsorship, commercials, endorsements, and TV specials, but they are nahhht involved in negotiations for songwriting, merch, or records.
The entertainment lawyer is there to protect your shit. They’re preettyy necessary.
What they’re responsible for: Dan Wootton saying something particularly defamatory about you (that asshole would)? They can sue for you. Someone unlawfully using your image or your song? They can shut it down. You’ve got a contract to sign? They’ll review to make sure its in your best interest. Anything to do with your copyrights, your intellectual property, defamation, or a contract, they’ve got your back .
And those are the basically the key Business Hoes day-to-day working for your fave and a bit about what they do (and don’t do). I have to eat leftover Easter candy now.