"Things you said that I wasn't meant to hear" + either baberoe OR winnix! <333
minific minute meme (ACCEPTING)
The fact is simple: he is supposed to be alone.
This is how it was before the war, before everything it brought with it. Before the hell that still ransacks his dreams; before the sight of blood no longer made his stomach cold with horror, but brought with it a dull resignation; before alcohol became less of an indulgence than a lifeline. Before OCS. Before Europe. Before Dick. Before all of that, he was alone, and he’d been alone for so long that he’d forgotten how awful it was.
If a hungry man never knows the taste of food, does he really know what he’s missing? Dick is the greatest thing that Lewis could ask for; he is the answer to prayers he didn’t even know he was praying; he is everything he doesn’t deserve.
And one day, Dick will leave. That’s a fact too.
Good things never stay forever. The best things are as ephemeral as the tides, in one day and out the next. For the moment, Dick is here, Dick loves him. Tomorrow, Lewis may be alone again.
He knows that, and he prepares for it. The sting of potential heartbreak cannot compete with the burn of brandy down his throat.
He’s well over halfway through the bottle, which is why it doesn’t occur him to silence the thoughts that spill from his mouth, uninhibited.
“When you’re gone, it’ll be a load off my goddamn shoulders,” he mutters to himself, glaring down into his glass as if he can find answers swirling within the amber liquid. “No more waiting. No… looking for it. No thinking about you. Just a relief.”
He pauses for a moment before chucking, self-deprecating and bitter. He takes another deep drink of brandy, and closes his eyes.
He doesn’t notice the figure lingering in the doorway behind him, nor does he see the hurt on Dick’s face before he turns his back to him. Lewis hears the soft click of the door closing, but he’s too far gone think much of it at all.