Its so exhausting having you so close or not at all. Just stay as far away as possible. I’m so fucking tired of being your sometimes. You’ve never been settled with just me. Stop fucking telling me you want to be my friend and that you’ll always be there for me when you can’t even look me in the fucking eyes. Please stop building me up just to burn me down again. I just want to be happy and you gave me a feeling so god damn close to that. I can’t breathe right now. It’s like you took all the life out of me within minutes and you are just holding it in the palm of your hand tossing it up and barley catching it. Stop fucking sugarcoating you wanting me in your life. I feel like sometimes you like seeing me suffer. I can’t wait to look at you and feel fucking nothing. Im so sorry that i cannot be what you hoped for. Somebody who can make you breathe and feel good. More importantly im so fucking sorry you couldn’t see how badly i tried. I don’t want you to hate me though. I don’t want you to leave forever. I want you to keep coming back and keep telling me you want me when i know you don’t. I don’t think we see the same things when we look at each other. We look up at the stars and see so many different things and its beautiful yet so sad. It’s okay that you look at me and see a friend. In fact that makes me feel okay. But how could you call me a friend when you can erase me from your entire life in the blink of an eye? How could you consider me to want to stick around? I’m so weak when it comes to you and at this point im fucking done. Im tired of letting you in to hurt me over and over. It’s my fault. How could i trust you to be my friend if i come to you with sad eyes and thoughts of ending it all for good and all you have to say is nothing at all. Then you come back around and tell me you just didn’t know what to say. One day you will wish you had said something. Or will you? Just please don’t go for good. If I can’t love you as a lover i’ll love you as a friend. The saddest part is this started with me wanting you as far away from me as possible and ended with wanting you to stay.
A message i could never send to you