im so done with you guys i even took off my shades im just so done

Maid - Joker x Reader imagine part 5 (ok whats happening ive gotten so far)

a/n: HIIIII *nervously sweats and smiles* i cant believe im writing another part with 600 followers, this is insane! i love you all so much. so this part is like… idk they talk and such. i just got this idea. btw, it’s immediately after the last part, immediately, okay? and oh, the joker has two bathrooms - one with a bath and the other has been mentioned before. oh the picture isnt mine - its not the best joker edit cause he has eyebrows here and his eyes arent dark but i will forgive the person :D

characters: why do i bother but JOKER and READER

warnings: nudity, smut once in a while, bathing together (idk is that a warning? :D)


J stood up from the bed, looking at me. The emotions in his eyes were changing. It looked like he was trying to resist something. With a growl, he placed his hands on my sides and lifted me off the bed, placing me on my feet. He reached out his hand and I looked at it. I was still a bit afraid of him, he could kill me too. Any moment. J then took my hand in his, not caring about the way I looked at it. He never took my hand, either home or in public, and it felt weird, different. He dragged me to the door of his bigger bathroom and faced me.

“Stay here.” J said, pointing his finger at me. I nodded. He opened the door and went into the room. I sighed. Couldn’t I just go to sleep? I was so tired… How wasn’t he? All day out, business, sex, and he could still ran around the world. How is that possible? 

What was he doing in the bathroom? He never did anything by himself except killing people. 

J returned shortly after I started wondering about his actions and he pulled me into the room, closing the door after. He had turned on the lights, and I heard the water running in the bath. There were towels on the floor next to it. He had prepared a bath for me? For us?

I looked at him, he seemed calm. He walked me to the bath - it was in the size to fit four people next to each other on the small side, but ten people next to each other on the longer side. He again placed his hands on my sides and placed me into the bath full of warm water. 

J got in himself and laid down, so only his shoulders and head were out of the water. His hand stretched out for me and I hesitantly gave him my hand. J pulled me down, so I was laying on him and moved us up in a sitting position. I was sitting between his legs, mine around his waist, my back against the side of the bath. We were in such position that there was no way he didn’t like to show that he was in charge. Joker turned off the water and turned back around to me. His one hand on my cheek, and the other one on the back of my thigh, J looked me deep in the eyes.

“I feel like…” he looked up, in thought, then looked back at me. “There is something bothering you, angel.” He stated. “You haven’t spoken much, you act a little different. Can you tell me what’s going on?”

I took in a deep breath and exhaled, looking down, avoiding his gaze. I have to tell him, even if he’ll think I’m vulnerable and weak. If he wants to know, he will.

“I-I’m afraid..” I finally said.

“Afraid?” His non-existent eyebrows furrowed above his eyes and he lifts my chin up to him. “Of what?”

“I-I, it’s-”

“Is it my men? I can-”

“No, it’s not them.”

“Who is it then? Have you got somebody outside our home you’re afraid of? Your family? Friends?”

“No, J, it’s….” I sighed out a shaky breath. 

“Go on, tell me what you’re afraid of.”

“I’m.. afraid of you.” I said, looking him in the eyes.

“Me?” His face was a mix of several emotions. He drew back just a little bit. “Why? Did I…” his face hit the sight of realisation, “Oh..” J was looking down while a few tears escaped my eyes. “Why does me killing a man scare you?”

“Why? Why? Maybe because that’s never happened to me.” I gained courage, I spoke, looking him in the eyes. “I have never seen you or anybody else kill someone. You were nice-ish to him and then you just shot him! Makes me think that you could kill me any moment.”

“If I wanted to kill you, I would have done it long ago and you know that, doll.” His face was close to mine again, his hands on both sides of my neck on the bath’s edge. “But.. since you’re loyal and I enjoy your company, I’m not going to kill you. I like you too much to kill you.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that I’m scared of you! You terrified me tonight. You shot a man in the head and didn’t change a shade. How can a person do that?…”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, sweets, but… I’m not a regular person. Am I even a person? Who knows?” J chuckled. “But you don’t have to be afraid of me. Or anything else. I will protect you at all costs, my dear angel.” His hand stroked my cheek, placing his thumb in between my lips. “Does that ease your mind at any way?” He asked and I nodded. 

J moved his lips down to mine and kissed them roughly as his hand slid down my body and stopped at my heat, placing his hand over it. I inhaled a sharp breath and kissed him back, reaching my arms around his neck, pulling him deeper into me. As his tongue entered my mouth, his fingers teased my entrance, making me whimper into his mouth. J pulled back suddenly.

“Do you want to touch me, baby doll?”

“What?” His words took me by surprise. 

“I said, do you want to touch me?” He repeated. “Can you touch me, doll? You’ve never touched me.” He spoke in my ear, stopping the actions of his fingers.

“Well, I-I..” I stuttered. “I don’t have much experience.” I admitted.

“Oh, I can teach you, baby.” He smirked. “Do you want me to?”

“Y-yes,” I replied, “If you do.”

“I very much do.” He said, laughing quietly. “Give me your hand.” J said, reaching out his other hand for mine. I put my hand in his and he guided it down between us(a/n: jesus h christ i swear to you i havE NEVER WRITTEN SOMETHING LIKE THIS IN MY LIFE SO IF ITS HORRIBLE IM SORRY IM JUST NOT A FAN OF …. DOING THIS TO A MAN). My breaths were shaky, I had never touched a male in that way before, I was nervous. He placed my hand on his member and started slowly moving it up and down. “Slowly, slowly…” he said and then let go of my hand, leaving it there. I looked at him. “Go on.” J urged and I nodded. Wrapping my fingers around, my hand slowly, gently moved up and down his length. J closed his eyes at the feeling and his hand worked on my intimate area, fingers pressing down, drawing circles. I moaned, my hand wrapping around his cock (a/n: god i hate this word) tighter and J groaned out.

“Oh, J…” I moaned out in a high-pitched voice when he entered me with his fingers. I started moving my hand faster up and down at the pleasure J was giving me.

“Yes, baby girl, just like that…” He sighed into my ear, curling his fingers and I was a moaning mess before him. Our actions continued for a while until we were both moaning and groaning each other’s names, close to our peak. I moved my hand up one last time before I felt him cum in my hand (a/n: ok so maybe this is against some erotic physics bc i’ve heard that a male can only cum once, while women can cum multiple times in a row but you know what? this is an imagine, this is not supposed to be reality so idgaf :)))) ). J’s fingers continued to work on me, he pressed his thumb on my clit and I moaned loudly.

“Cum, baby, come for me..” him whispering into my ear was what it took for me to reach my orgasm. Moans and J’s name left my mouth multiple times and I finally came over my high. I sighed, J taking his fingers out and chuckling. I was so tired, I could fall asleep at any moment. 

“That was wonderful, baby,” Joker spoke, smiling. “You did great.” He complimented, making me smile tiredly at him. He leaned down to my level - at the lack of energy I had, I was leaned back into the bath - and kissed my lips with a growl. 

“That was your first time touching a man, wasn’t it?” He asked and I nodded for a reply. “Your hands seemed so innocent…. As you do. No matter how many times I’ve fucked you and done other dirty things to you, you always look innocent and pure.” J spoke, making me laugh a little. J smiled at me laughing, it was a genuine smile. “Tell me… when I fucked you for the first time, was it… your first time?”

“Well…” I trailed off, sitting up straight so I was in his level, “my first time was with an asshole boyfriend from high school, but he never went all the way in… let’s just say, he didn’t reach my virginity wall so I don’t think it counted. God, that guy was a jerk…”

“Was he really? You know I could-”

“J, it’s alright, he wasn’t abusive or anything, don’t worry.” I stopped him. “He was just really annoying.”

“Well, then…. Do you regret having me take your first time?”

“No, I don’t.” I almost whispered, shaking my head with a smile.

“Flattering.” Joker purrs in my ear, his hands on my sides.

“J, I want to ask you something.”

“Anything, my doll.” He said, placing a kiss on my cheekbone. 

“Who’s Harley? The man mentioned her.”

“And why would anything he said be true? He didn’t do his part of the deal, so why should you take what he said to your head?”

“I saw the way your face changed when he mentioned her name. Tell me about her, I want to know.” I said.

“I’ll tell you, fine. Harley was a… beloved toy of mine for some time. Unfortunately for her, she left me a while ago. Even though she’s strong and knew how to fight, she couldn’t resist me after all. So I just… got rid of her one day.”

“Oh…” I replied. “Do you miss her?”

“No, I don’t. Never did.”

“Did you love her?”

“I don’t like that word, baby doll, never use it again in that context.” He growled. “But I didn’t. I told her I did, but I just used her for business.” As he spoke, i furrowed my brows, listening. “She was strong, naive and in love. Annoying, also. She realised it only after a long time and left.” He finished and there was silence for a while.

“You would… never do that to me, right, J?” I asked, my arms around my legs, knees resting against my bare chest. 

“Of course, not, doll.” J answered, resting his chin on one of my knees. “You’re different than her, better than her. More beautiful, smarter.”

“And how do I know you’re not lying to me now like you lied to Harley?”

“I told you that I would never treat you like her.” He sternly spoke. “But I also know that you’re smarter than her, you know when people are lying and when they’re telling the truth. So,” he traced his finger up my leg, “can you tell if I’m lying when I tell you that I will take care of you, keep you safe, never treat you like Harley… That you’re better, different, beautiful, smarter, attracting… Am I lying to you?” 

I decided to change things up a bit and smirked. I put my hands flat up against his chest and pushed him to the other side of the bath. Closer to the large window, where the moonlight was shining down. J was sat up against the bath’s side and I put my legs around his waist once again, my hand on his cheek.

“You’re not lying to me, I can see that.” I replied. “But have you ever lied to me?”

“I don’t think so, my dear angel.” He said, and rose up a little bit so he was even slightly above me. He hated to be the little one. “Have you ever lied to me?”

“No, J, I haven’t. And I promise I never will.” I said and kissed him on the lips. He felt different now. It felt like he was… in my power. What? Did I really have the Joker… weak? For me… 

He kissed back, trying to regain his power, but I wouldn’t let him. I wanted to take the chance of controlling him. I pushed him down and kissed him again, harder, my hand latching into his hair. I gripped his glowing green hair, tugging tightly on the roots and J let out a groan of pleasure, I think.

“Do you like that now?” I whispered with a smirk. J must’ve caught up with what I was trying to do and pushed me away slightly. He laughed and sat up, taking my wrists in his hands. 

“Nobody can be above me. Nobody can out-power me.” He snarled. “Now, you better apologise to Daddy before he changes his mind about being in a good mood.” He warned. Well, I have learned my lesson to never try that again.

“I’m sorry, Daddy. I will never do that again.” I spoke in a more innocent tone that I wanted to. 

“Good.” He said. “Never try it again or Daddy will be very, very angry.” He warned and I nodded. “What do you want to do now, angel face?” His mood immediately changed. “Do you want to continue bathing or do you want to play a little…?” Joker smirked. Was he so turned on all the time? Always in the mood…

“I don’t know..” I trailed off. “What do you want to do?”

“I think Daddy wants to play some more. Would my doll mind?”

“I think your doll would very much enjoy that.” I smiled at him. 

“Why don’t you turn Daddy on a bit more? Could you do that, baby?”

“I could.” I smirked and moved a bit lower on him, right above his member. I moved around it, grinding down on J with my eyes closed. I got myself turned on, moving around his cock to get him hard. My mouth hang open as moans left my mouth, my breasts lowering onto J’s neck every time I went down.

“Alright, doll, that’s enough.” J spoke, holding my hips down to stop my movements. He was looking right into my eyes when he lowered me onto his length, making me moan out. J actually loved it when I was on top of him, he never told me, but he didn’t need to - I could see it, feel it even. He was always watching me intently from below, getting turned on more and more by the sight before him.

By my hips, he guided me up and then down again. He was going painfully slow, but he liked to tease me. I moaned out, eyes closing at the wonderful feeling and mouth agape caused by the moans. 

“P-please go faster, Daddy…” I begged and he moaned out himself. As asked, he picked up his pace to a deviously fast one, pounding in and out of me like there was no tomorrow. I was screaming, moaning, yelping, making very sound possible come out of my mouth. 

J placed one hand on my back and lowered my body down on his, kissing between my breasts. It drove me completely mad. I brought my nails down his chest to get relief somehow, scratching the pale white skin. There would be marks. His grip on my hips tightened so much it was painful, he was controlling my body in every way.

“O-oh, my God…” I moaned out. J whispered encouragements into my ear and I came for the third time tonight, along with him (a/n: damn joker trash back at it again with breaking the erotic physics rules). I fell on top of him once he had pulled out of me and breathed loudly, heavily. 

“Are you tired, baby girl?” J asked. I nodded, unable to speak. “I’ve tired you out, my doll. Rest now, I’ll take care of you.” He said and I rested my head against his chest. I traced over his many tattoos and got an idea.

“Daddy?” I asked with my last energy.

“Yes?”

“Can I get a tattoo?”

“Of course, sweets.” I heard him say right before I drifted off into sleep.

a/n: aLRIGHT THIS IS IT FOR TODAY MY PERVERTED FRIENDS I LOVE YOU ALL THIS WAS PRETTY HARD TO WRITE I WAS SINNING FORGIVE ME MY LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST BYE YA’LL

Hoe Story? Again? I think yall have waited long enough.

This one is kinda long just warning. So, anybody who knows my ass know I’m a bum no matter what I always look like shit. So here I was looking like shit on a Saturday, my sister and my cousin all dressed up ready to go out partying. I got my bag of chips and netflix ready, waiting on them to leave. So they leave and about an hour later my sister hit with a text “You wanna get drunk tonight” also if you know me I’m a hardcore drinker. So I reply “Hell Yeah”. So I get to asking questions, already knowing the answers because she logged into twitter on my phone and dude she was dming messages coming straight to my phone. So she tell me to get ready. I get my hair done, throw on some lil white shorts and a Pink crew neck. still bummy but good enough for company. I put a little make up on too. So my cousin and sister walk back in the house. My cousin like “Why you got on makeup” I sort of side eye her and say “Because unlike you my sister actually look out for me” And those of yall wondering, that was all shade. She always gotta feel like she look better than anyone plus me and my sister got body and she don’t but she got a cute face I don’t know why she be tripping. ANYWAYS the guys are here. I’m looking off the balcony and notice they pass us. I say “hey” they like “Are yall who we looking for?” “Yeah” I yelled and pointed them to the right door. So we have this short dark skin (Chocolate) This tatted light skinned (T-dawg) Tall brown skin (Milly) and this short i don’t wanna say chubby but he got a lil meat on his bones (Lucky, yall will see why i named him lucky later). So right away they pop open the bottles I do two shots right away. They like whoa slow down it’s gone hit you. So i get some music going. Milly and T-dawg go get the aux from the car. And Lucky goes into his pants into his shorts, pulled out a crown royal bag and opened it up and get to rolling. So by now t-dawg and milly back i done did about 3 more shots. They looking at me like she gone be outta here. I dare my cousin to do a shot so she dared me to hit the blunt. Music going I’m twerking. Then Lucky pull me into my sister room. He like “Whats up with me and you” He trying to undo my shorts but my drunk ass get up like who hungry because I want T-dawg not lucky. So I make burgers and fries. I make the best burgers so they like thats wifey type or whatever. I turn around and notice Milly and my cousin gone. I look at my sister, I guess the look on my face said it all because she pointed to the bathroom. I said “AWHL HELLL N AAWWW” Becuase milly literally was the one in my sister dm asking to come over like what kind of fuckery going on in here. So I stopped the music and banging on the door. Because my cousin so low she went after my sisters man. Hell no not in my house. So they come out like whats going on. Chocolate pulling me back and start the music back up. I take about 2 more shots I’m feeling it. But Lucky testing me like i did 8 beat me i said shit pass me the bottle downed three shots right quick. I have had more than everybody in the house and I wasnt the drunkest. Next thing you know we here the door open. My life flashed before my eyes it was my mother yall. She was supposed to be getting the dick why was she home. All i could do was say “Hey mommy” She one the phone “Girll they having a party in my damn house” But yall she didnt even trip. She took everybody keys and went back to her room. So we turn back up the music and Milly drunk as hell he get to yelling free suwoo he ain’t do shit. So we go outside not to wake my momma up. We tryna calm him down im leaning all on t-dawg holdding him taking his stuff yall im hardcore flirting and he aint paying me no attention. Anyways we roll up again and this nigga Milly knocked the whole blunt in the field we all mad as hell we leave his ass in the car and go back inside. Its 5 in the morning now. Sun coming up and we put on a movie. Guess who Im sitting next to…Lucky. He starts fingering me right there on the couch his friend next to him my sister on the other side of him and my cousin and his friend on the next couch and my moms in the room. I’m squirming and trying not to moan. My sister takes T-dawg to her room thats right she took one of his niggas since he wanna go talk to family. My shirt up he sucking on my freshly pierced nipples I’m like nooo its too soon. My sister and t-dawg come back out we go to the bathroom. We making out he hitting every spot right so he gets a condom and now I’m bent over the toilet wondering when did I get so low. I’m moaning screaming. My sister, cousin, momma all under the same roof. We making so much noise. We finish and they leave. A few weeks later he tryna go in on my sister for something I step in. He say you cant say shit i had you bent over the toilet in the bathroom you a hoe. I said “I’m a hoe for being drunk and horny” cool with me. He said but I did you right. I said nigga your fingers felt better than your damn dick. This all on twitter too by the way. But he shut up after that and that was all. But reasons why I will never drink dark liquor again. Won’t have my ass being a hoe with my momma in the house.

Integration-- pt 1/7 [Homestuck, john/karkat]

Part 1, length: 2989 words

Author: codedredalert

On Ao3. Part 1, Part 2, Part 2 notes, Part 3 , Part 4 , Part 5Part 6 , Part 7 (end)

Summary: The university that John Egbert attends recently decided that everyone staying in the dorm has to have a flatmate that’s not their species. Karkat Vantas has a lot of things to say about that. They share a home for three and a half years. Disasters were bound to happen sooner or later, right?

Warnings (this part specific): canon typical abusive language, interspecies relationships, one sided blackrom feelings, alternate universe-freeform, universitystuck

A/N: for crabapples97, my giftee in the ssjohnkat2014.

Hi! Super belated merry Christmas/ Happy New Year, sorry I took so long! This fic is 10k and growing, and I’m drowning in IRL things. I’ll just post it in parts on tumblr, and consolidate, edit and post on AO3 when I’m done if you prefer to wait. Also, this is red Johnkat endgame I swear. Ijustreallylikemyblackromimsorry. I’ll try to get part 2 up soon, but I can’t promise actual dates. I hope you like the fic though!

===/\===

.

The inside of the apartment is dark except for the light streaming in behind you. There are two crescent slivers of reflective yellow at eye level. You squint and can just about make out a person standing just before the squareish room cut to a narrow corridor.

“Welcome, human,” the person growls. He’s got this low, rough voice that’s really interesting. He spreads his arms, and you see the movement, but can’t make out much else. He’s wearing black.

“Welcome,” he continued, “to the complete disaster that is the destined-to-fail exercise of forcing a nocturnal and diurnal species to cohabit the same premises on a functional schedule without killing each other. I am the unfortunate fucker designated as your co-sufferer. Merry fucking Christmas.”

“Hi Karkat,” you say. In the dark, the person shifts.

“What?” he says, suspiciously.

“That’s your name, right?” you ask rhetorically. You happened to see the log thing when you collected your keys, and you’re pretty sure you have it right. “Karkat Vantas. Or am I saying it wrong? Vantahs. Van-tass? Vantas-tic! Heheheh.”

Rrrrhhhstt, stop. No. Do not mangle my name with your ridiculous hopbeast teeth. Do not so much as fucking look in my direction, understand, human?”

“Wow, rude. My name’s John, not ‘human’. John Egbert, actually.”

“John human Egbert,” Karkat says flatly. “You overestimate how many fucks I give. I give approximately zero fucks. We stay in the same goddamn apartment because of the integration policy this schoolfeeding facility decided to ram up our wastechutes. We are not, and we will not become, human ‘friends’. At the end of our miserable two sweeps here, we will ideally part ways without so much as looking back. After four sweeps, I want to be able to say ‘who the fuck is John Egbert’ and you will not even recall in the vaguest the name ‘Karkat Vantas’. Are we clear?”

“Karkat?” you say, when you think he’s done. “No offence, but you’re a huge weirdo. Anyway, which room is mine?”

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